I owe this sim an apology, well several. I promised to commit myself to writing and i have not managed to do that. I need to give you all an explanation for what has been happening the last few weeks i at the least feel i owe you all that much, but i am also really tired of making excuses for my self and my absence from this sim.
Be warned that the spoiler details some of the darker aspects of my life.
Ive told auctor that if i can't manage posts in my threads by the end of tomorrow than i should go inactive.
So let me talk a bit about where i have been. Most of you remember my last update two weeks ago, i had a minor heart rhythm fail, or some sort of heart issue.
I then promptly went on a stress free vacation.
All of this is happening while i am one of the care takers for my mother whom is dying of the cancer, and sick basically all the time.
Getting back from my vacation, i started to work, both at home and at my job, and i also started to get sick myself.
More doctors apointments more blood work an x-ray tomorrow no answers.
The best answer we have now is that my anxiety medication no longer works, that after 2 years of solid work, my meds are no longer effective against the stuff in my head.
I have been secluding myself. Convinced that if I came into contact with anyone I'd bring down everyone around me. Every conversation in my day to day life right now revolves around self lothing, sickness, and impending mortality.
I stayed away from discord, and i stopped posting. The vacation helped but i feel so tired all the time.
I recognize this state of mind, its depression. The problem with changing a mental medication is that it takes a lot of time to pick out a new prescription. They don't want to up my dosage, and they fear that adding a new medication will continue to do harm to my chest.
Since the heart issue is the more pressing matter the mental medication is put on hold.
Honestly i can't remember if all these events took place over the last two weeks or the last two months.
But here is what i do know. I know that continuing to seclude myself will only hasten a decent to madness going inactive will only make me feel worse, and stopping completely will only make my friends on this sim feel hurt.
So i need to do better. I need to stop blaming my health. I need to get control over my life and i need to write some posts.
I can't keep saying that I am under stress because that just deflects the responsibility and commitment i made to this sim and to my friends...
This post is very ranty... but the thing i take away from writing all of this is that i just need to calm down and do the things i enjoy again like writing with all of you.
Topic: Main OOC Thread (Read 457961 times)
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