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CHAPTER 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

[ USS Theurgy | Main Sickbay | Deck 07 | 0800 hrs. ] Attn: Brutus, Nolan, Searcher, Doctor Maya, Zenozine, Cathreen Dawinter, Kurohigi & TheBanshee

In the Chief Medical Officer's mind, the post surgery treatment and eye surgery had gone well earlier that morning, and after completing the steps towards full bodily recovery, Lucan had sedated the drugged Junior Lieutenant and asked Doctor Maya to clean herself up. What was left was for Lucan to ask Nurse Vojona to return (having been temporarily dismissed as per Maya's preference) and help him dress the Temporal Affairs Officer. It would not have been seemly to wake the man while being naked when there would be so many people in attendance. No, a uniform was replicated, since that may add to a feeling of familiarity despite the fact that the patients body would be entirely new to him.

As for what Mr. Morali would remember from his neuro-pressure treatment with Doctor Mayah, Lucan was confident that the man would think it a dream. Such was the nature of the drugs he had been given, and if he had questions, Lucan would answer them in a way that would allay his fears and preserve both his own and Doctor Maya's integrity. The important thing was that the drugs would have worn a couple of minutes ago.

The chronometer said 0800 hrs. Alpha shift had begun, and involved parties was present for the grand reveal - so to speak. It was not so much Lucan revealing the results of the medical team's toils, but rather the moment when Sarresh Morali would awake to a new life among them, with all that it may entail.

Standing by the biobed, Lucan had his team at his back, or rather, those of them who had assisted in the restoration of their Temporal Affairs Officer. Head Nurse Jenkins and Doctor Duv, Nurse Vojona and Doctor Maya. The only one not belonging to medical in some capacity was Petty Officer Cardamone - or Sar'unga Neleo - who had proven key to the outcome of the project. A project that Lucan had come to call the Phoenix Project in his reports to command.

Before the biobed stood Captain Ives at the forefront, with First Officer Rez and CSec Wenn at their side. The Bajoran's presence, new or renewed as it were, had its explanation in how Morali might be violent. Then, lastly, but perhaps most importantly, the Chief Counsellor was there as well: Doctor Hayden Quinn O'Connor being there to calm the Ash'reem down if needed be.

The human, Lucan reminded himself.

"Any questions before I wake him up?" he asked the gathering quietly, making sure not to gloat at his team's achievement. No, he remained sceptical and professional about what he had been ordered to do - still signalling how disgruntled he was at sparing resources for the poor man that had lost everything but his beating heart and - hopefully - his mind.

Captain Ives  - in her female form - shook her head slowly, eyes locked on the man on the biobed.

Immediate shock is replaced with the suffering of emotional pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is medically important that the subject experience the pain fully. It should be discouraged to hide it, avoid it or escape from it by frequent inebriation or use of narcotic agents. The subject may have guilty feelings and/or remorse over things it did - or did not do - before the incident. Living may seem chaotic and frightening to the subject during this phase. Shaping the subject's will at this point in the process has an inherent risk that the later phases may undo the indoctrination, for even if it is an easy feat, it may not last. The subject might even outright question the manipulator's words and motives.

Yet if results need to be expedient, and its life is expendable, this might also be the ideal phase to approach the subject.
                                                                                                                       
- Manipulation of Grief, by Host named cin Nicander

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #1 –
[Amelya Duv| Main Sickbay]

Doctor Amelya Duv was present as well at the event of awakening of Junior Lieutenant Sarresh Morali. Eventhough, seeing all the people present it seemed more like a ceremony. A split second ago she could have thought that this would be a service ceremony for an important figure like they would do on Earth. Or well, this is how her human crewmembers and officers told her it went back on Earth. She herself had not witnessed such an event like they described it. Yet she guessed this came pretty close to it.

She looked at the man on the biobed now as he was still in coma. She had read the post op reports before he had been laid to bed and what had transpired from then till now. Mostly it weren't very active reports to read, just the vital signs, brain scans, blood analysis. Things like that. Amelya was very curious on how Sarresh would undergo this awakening. There were many scenarios laid out in her head yet it was all unknown since all of this had never been happened before. It was nerve racking, yet not in a bad way. She was waiting hungrily for the result of hours and hours of work.

Amelya slowly shook her head when Lucan posed the question if there were any questions before the awakening sequence would start. She just wanted to see what they had created.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #2 –
[Maya | Main Sickbay]

From her position behind Doctor Duv, Maya could peek over the taller woman's shoulder.  Despite being the shortest officer aboard, the little Vulcan preferred to stand in the back while she engaged in light meditation and concentrated on organizing her thoughts. 

Nearly every Vulcan serving in Starfleet had informed their shipmates that in times of duress someone from Maya's planet could go without sleep for weeks.  That didn't mean that they should go without sleep for weeks, it only meant that they could.   After putting in long hours in the triage center on Theta Eridani IV and spending mostl of her time in sickbay after the evacuation, enduring the sexual assault by Phantom and the complicated exhausting procedure to convert Sarresh Morali into a Terrestrial human was a lot for the little surgeon to bear.  

Such discomfort was irrelevant; it would dishonor both Commander Nicander and Lieutenant Morali if she wasn't present at this moment.  There was also a chance that Mister Morali would need her services if his psychological reaction to his transformation was intense enough to cause physical complications.  Therefore the little Vulcan was present but stayed in the back and indulged herself by doing some light maintenance on her mind.  Unchecked, her brain's mastery over her body could cause physical and neurological damage if she didn't sort out and accept her recent memories.

A small part of Maya's consciousness registered curiosity, even anticipation about the unveiling of the human Morali and his upcoming physical and emotional reactions.  This was either a positive or negative sign.  Such a reaction could be considered positive because such curiosity was a normal reaction from Maya and indicated that she had come to terms and accepted recent events.   However, her reaction could be interpreted as a negative development if it meant that Maya was suppressing her memories and refusing to deal with what had happened recently.   Neurological self-diagnostics would obviously have to be added to the little Vulcan's daily routine.  

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #3 –
[Wenn Cinn | Main Sickbay]

The broad frame of Wenn Cinn stood at the shoulder of his Captain with his arms crossed.  He knew the situation and why his presence had been requested, it made sense, the human-looking male in the bed had been changed dramatically in order to keep him alive.  Running through his mind, alongside potential worst-case scenarios, were thoughts of how it might feel to have been changed so much, to have lost everything and to wake up to discover all of this in one go.  He would honestly understand if the poor guy decided to have a fit but he wouldn't let him get too carried away.

Cinn uncrossed his arms and let them hang loose at the side of his body, he looked relaxed but his muscles were ready to jump into action should the need arise at a moments notice.  When the Doc asked if there were any questions he nodded, "Just one and just in case.  How fragile is he going to be?  If he gets out of hand I'd rather not undo the work you've done to get him to this point."

He was trying to eliminate potential restraining holds and get a better sense of what kind of scenarios were an absolute no-go in the event the man did go crazy.  Having a better idea of what wouldn't work and what would be less of a risk would help him immensely.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #4 –
[Dr. Hayden O'Connor| Main Sickbay]

As Hayden stood with the rest of the team awaiting Morali's return to the living for better or worse, she forced herself to focus.  The man in the coma certainly didn't require or deserve less of her focus simply because she was distracted, and O'Connor wasn't exactly a novice at juggling the demands and array of emotions associated with her dual roles.  That said, given the events in the hours preceding this morning, and the people she was most concerned about in close proximity, O'Connor decided to cut herself some slack.

Her eyes kept locking with Maya's.  O'Connor had made it clear to the doctor she was not happy with her being on duty this morning, but Hayden took some comfort in knowing the neurologist was serving as an observer today rather than an active participant.  Given the brutal sexual assault Maya had suffered the night before, Hayden knew she was in no physical or emotional state to be overseeing anyone's medical care.  However, as Maya still refused to name her attacker, O'Connor had no official reason to make waves about removing her from duty.  Though she had hoped Maya would call in sick just to give herself time to sort things out, she could understand the impulse to focus on work.  Still, Maya's presence left her concerned and served as a reminder to touch base.  Hayden might not have been entirely comfortable keeping her on duty, she wasn't an immediate danger to herself or others.  In addition, Maya didn't object to keeping a therapeutic relationship open with Hayden, and that was critical as far as O'Connor was concerned.  She had to do what she could to keep that line of communication open.

Then of course there was Wenn Cinn, whom she was supposed to see later in the day.  The new (or returning) back from the dead security chief had been through a lot and Hayden wanted to meet with him to make sure he was adjusting as good as could be expected.  When he spoke up about what could be done to restrain their patient safely, Hayden listened carefully.  She was glad to be there to help, but she wasn't sure soft words would be enough to keep the other man calm.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #5 –
His pale eyes centring on Wenn Cinn - this as-of-yet uncorrupted pawn in Lucan's manipulative game that had unexpectedly returned to the board - the Chief Medical Officer took the opportunity to incline his head in recognition. "Ah, glad you asked..." he said and a glimmer of his natural charm surfaced briefly despite the grimness of what had been done and at what expense to other injured aboard. He gave the Bajoran an smiling appraisal. "It would appear that Sarresh Morali was not the only one returned to the living after this battle. Not only will I credit the Prophets for their fine judgement in returning you to us, but also their medical fortitude to return you as you were. Not sure I could picture you as a Ferengi, for example, or a Bolian, Mr. Wenn."

Gesturing towards Junior Lieutenant Morali, Lucan answered the large man's question. "We were not quite so successful in that regard, as you can see. Circumstances forced us to make him human, and while that should give him a bit more bodily strength than his Ash'reem body held, he is still physically human, with all the fragility or sturdiness their physique hold. Our readings say that Petty Officer Cardamone's blank cells have restored him, and there are no areas in his body still undergoing the healing process." Pausing his explanation, Lucan resumed his official role and did make an emphasis that cut no confusion about what his expectations were on his 'turf' of the ship. "I do hope, however, that there will be no cause to traumatise the poor man further than we've already might, so I would prefer if there would be no unnecessary violence here in Sickbay."

Indeed, jokes aside, he was still the ethics-bound medical officer that he was. Or acted to be... hard as it was to differentiate past and current appearences with what he had become. Truth and Untruth mixed in his chaotic existence.

Lucan turned his gaze to the First Officer, present on the other side of Captain Ives female form. "Commander, I believe I remember an issue in a report that... one aspect of you had in regard to Mr. Morali's ocular implants." He gave the Trill the reassurance that he could, now that the man had underwent eye surgery in advance of him awaking form his sedatives. "I believe your former host named Kiya had a concern about the issue of willing consent of the patient, and it is one I share with you. You made an example of a past case of yours where the patient tried to remove his kidney implant with his bare hands, and it is not unheard of in this century either. While it should be known by now, and I do not wish to resume arguing with her in public like I did last - terrible judgement of mine, but I still think my claim is valid - I objected to restoring Mr. Morali for those exact reasons. There is no way to tell how our Temporal Affairs Officer will handle this kind of loss and change. Captain Ives wanted this, and I can but pray that the winds will blow strong in this former man of the Ash'reem people, and that he can forgive us all. The least I could do for him now that he awakens, as small a gesture as it may be, was to ensure that he wasn't waking up blind as well."

"I did not want any of this," said Captain Ives quietly where she stood, still looking at Sarresh Morali where he lay, "The mission demands it."

"Aye aye, Captain," said Lucan with a mock-formal undertone, but he kept himself from making a ludicrous naval salute - the comment more acerbic than outright confrontational. He glanced towards Sar-unga Neleo and Eve Jenkins to see if they had any questions as well, but if they were content... he rather unceremoniously fished up his hypospray from his labcoat's pocket and stepped to Sarresh Morali, leaning over him where he lay. With one hand on his cheek...

...he inoculated the man and stepped back, hands folded behind his back while the attending group waited.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #6 –
Sarresh Morali

It was as if the fog was lifting all over again. The first signs of life were nostrils flaring. Smells assaulted his nose - muted smells, strange smells. The antiseptic sting of medical sanitizer wormed its way into his senses, and he took in another deep, shaking breath. Pink skin flushed - skin that was dry. It was that dryness he felt next. His body wasn't slick as it should be.

Then there were the voices. Again, they were muted. He was coming up out of the coma haze, and recently repaired neurons were firing, sending signals all over his body. His arm twitched, and the too dry body of his began to well and truly stir. It seemed that the neuropressure therapy had worked, but in Sarresh's mind - not that he was thinking of himself quite as Sarresh again just yet - something- something was wrong. There was a memory in the back of his thoughts. Something had gone horribly, horribly wrong, but he couldn't remember what.

And then he opened his eyes. The light was, it was blinding. Searing. So bright that he screeched in pain - except it wasn't the high pitched screech of his people but a ragged, jerky moan, so much deeper than it should have been. It jolted him, forced him to blink (dry) eyelids. The optical implants seemed to adjust to the remains of his eyes and suddenly that harsh brightness was replaced by an alien field of vision. Readings, sensor data, as well as what almost passed for a normal 'human' image assaulted his nerves. He blinked again, rapidly. But human eyes and human vision was not the same as an Ash'reem's. A tottally different view of the spectrum was available to the Ash'reem, and they were hypersensitive to light. And yet....and yet.

His features turned from confused to scowling. There were memories missing, he could fell it. There always were, of course, but these were recent memories.  He felt...robbed. Something was wrong. His eyes....his vision....he raised his hand to block the light - his pink hand. His very, very pink hand. The scowl slipped to something shocked, then horrified. This couldn't be his hand! Where were the membranes? What was this small slit in the palm. His duct was gone....why was he Pink?

He tried to speak, but he couldn't form the words properly. He choked a bit - not from a dry mouth, but from trying to press his tongue against the middle of this throat - a tongue that while longer then a normal humans wasn't quite long enough for what he wanted, and burst into a coughing fit. Finally, he gave up and said, in a gravely Federation Standard. "What...the hell...did you do ... to me?"

The anger would come later, but now, there was only shock.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #7 –
However distracted Hayden may have felt before Morali awakened, she was quickly pulled from her reverie the moment he showed signs of alertness.  Until that moment, however, it didn't entirely hit O'Connor emotionally what she was actually witnessing.  Until the temporal affairs officer awoke, she was ashamed to admit to herself she hadn't allowed herself to think too deeply about the person they were trying to save and what the psychological impact of their efforts would be.  Of course, much of that could be chalked up to professional necessity.  People in mortal danger had to be viewed as medical puzzles to be solved to preserve the medical team's sanity.  Too much contemplation about the person in jeopardy could paralyze the medical staff involved.  Though Hayden hadn't been involved in Sarresh's restoration, she realized then that she had automatically prepared herself on some level for things not to go well.  After all, from what she knew, the whole process had been a shot in the dark.

There was also the fact that, for Hayden, Morali had been more of idea than a living breathing person to this point.  Normally compassionate to a fault, O'Connor forgave herself for the simple cognitive reality.  She hadn't known him, so she wasn't emotionally invested in his recovery, at least not where it concerned him personally.  In point of fact, they were here out of a desire for their own survival more than his per se, as he possessed knowledge, they hoped, that could help them live to fight another day.  That reality wasn't lost on her either, but that didn't mean she liked it.

So it was perhaps not surprising then when Hayden stepped forward and was the first to attempt to soothe their anxious patient.  He might not have seemed entirely real to her before, a fact she would never admit, but he was now, and O'Connor was not the type to let someone suffer.  Forgiving herself for her sins and pushing forward as best as she could to move on, a practice she'd begun since killing many for the sake of one, she made sure to keep her voice soft, but strong.  "Lieutenant, I know you have a lot of questions, and I promise they will be answered in detail.  First, my name is Dr. Hayden O'Connor, and I am a physician and counselor aboard the USS Theurgy.  Please know you're in sickbay aboard the Theurgy, and you are safe here.  You were badly hurt, and the medical personnel had to resort to some extensive and rather experimental procedures to save your life.  I know you're trying to process a great deal, but please do your best to remain as calm as you can.  I don't want you to suffer any more than you have."

Hayden resisted the urge to place a hand on him, not wanting to startle him too much.  Instead, she made sure her eyes met his, and hoping he could see her, she offered, "There are several other medical and command personnel here who can explain what happened, but first, are you in any pain?  Perhaps you'd like something to drink?"

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #8 –

Lt. Eve Jenkins - Head Nurse

Eve had been quiet, contemplating the man before them and like many others felt the guilt of what had been done.  She looked at Captain Ives when she said she hadn't wanted it but had ordered it for the sake of the mission, giving her a small but supportive and somewhat reassuring nod.  They had all had their say in the matter but ultimately they had undertaken this procedure.

She watched as Morali began to revive, the twitches of muscles and deepening breaths the first signs.  It was when he tried to open his eyes and cried out that she responded.  "Computer dim the lights by fifty percent," she ordered and watched to see if that helped him and was ready to dim them further if necessary.  O'Connor was talking to him, trying to reassure him and from her position she gently reached out to touch the skin of his neck.

It was gentle, her fingertips barely touching him but it was enough that her Deltan abilities could kick in and work to alleviate his pain.  Not only did she attempt that but also exerted a bit of her empathy to try to help him calm down a little.  It wasn't much but she hoped to help him work through the shock, exuding a calming presence that was likely felt by anyone standing near her.  For now she would remain silent, letting the psychiatrist do the talking.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #9 –
[Maya | Main Sickbay]

Maya's large hazel eyes became alert as Sarresh forced the words out of his newly human throat.  Her body burned sugar she couldn't afford to waste as her lips pressed together, her mouth widened, and her nostrils flared.  Memories of her session with Morali came back to her, the beautiful illusion that the two of them shared stimulating her skin.  It had been a shared dream, nothing more, but for Maya it was a memory she could store in her psyche to comfort her during times of hardship. 

There was no need to intervene and it would be cruel to Sarresh to reveal to him that the ecstasy they had enjoyed together was not his alone.  Everything had been taken from him; to wrest the illusion of privacy from him would be an insult he could not endure. 

Hayden O'Connor was stepping forward and taking charge of the situation.  She really had to admire the willowy human.  She was so brave and so responsible.  Despite the pain and humiliation of last night Maya appreciated the new counselor's kindness and professionalism.  She regretted placing Hayden in a difficult position but if Maya wanted to protect the Harbinger's wing commander the little Vulcan would have to take on the ethically questionable burden herself.    

But right now Maya was devoting most of her senses to the drama unfolding before her in sickbay.  How would Sarresh Morali deal with his 'race lift'?

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #10 –
She felt better being here when Sarresh Morali was awoken but now she found herself second guessing her choice. It would be hard enough waking up into this human body would be hard enough the presence on a unknown alien could only add to it. Still she felt more responsible for him. His new body. His human body would not be possible had she not come forth. She had put him in this position and she needed to make sure he would be alright. Her attention was focused solely on Morali to the point she was starting to tune out the voices and smells of the others in the room working on picking up only on his. She only just heard if there where any questions though it would take a while before she nodded her head slightly. It was only after that point she back fully focused on the human who was the subject of this gathering to the exclusions of all other about her.

Her eyes narrowed as she say his nostrils flaring her attention fully focused on him. Her eyes narrowed seeing his chest rising and falling as he took a deep breath. She watched his pink skin flushing showing he was indeed very much alive and working like a human should. Her body twitched as his arm like as she looked at him as a cat would watching a mouse. Attune and attentive to its every movement. As his eyes opened her head slowly moved back as she continued focusing on him. Her ears twitched as he tried to talk becoming in tune with his voice. She heard his words and was only just aware of others moving about the room. Still her attention was on him as she continued watching him.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #11 –
A respectable doctor would not get the kind of... kick that Dr. Nicander got out of seeing the Ash'reem awakening and wearing a completely different body. Then again, it just confirmed the fact that he was not a very respectable doctor in that regard. Oh, no. What a surprise... Behind his worried but conserved frown, the idea made him laugh. The only sad thing was that he never got to share his inside jokes.

Right then, Lucan did not regret letting Mr. Morali live instead of dying on the operation table. The thing inside wished the Ash'reem dead because of his ability to predict when temporal incursions were threatening the Theurgy, and Lucan had wanted him dead so that he would not sense what dwelt behind the bulkhead of Surgical Suite 02, but the intriguing use of Asurian blank cells had not only sealed the fate of Sar-unga Neleo's people when they'd be located, but during the preparations for Morali's treatment, it had also made Doctor Maya his ignorant slave - just a hypnotic gesture away to do his bidding. Moreover, it had given him the opportunity to... really appreciate his first close encounter with both the Asurian and the Ovri species. Nurse Vojona, still in the dark about having almost died at his hands, had come to ask to be his willing test subject, and who knew what benefits may come of the experiments he would perform upon her body in the weeks or months to come?

All things considered, the decision of letting Morali survive had been more beneficial than letting him die, and now, Lucan was even treated with a unique show to celebrate the outcome. For how many could say they'd seen what they now saw? Truly remarkable...

While the new Chief Counsellor, who Lucan had yet to truly get acquainted with, tried to calm the patient down, and Eve - blessed, sweet Eve - in all likelihood touched him with her halfbreed abilities, Lucan was calibrating a hypospray in his tattooed hands. Done, it was charged with sedatives, and he handed it to Nurse Vojona after showing her the cc volume on the small display. He trusted that she'd know what to do if so required.

"Mr. Morali, I am Doctor Nicander, and Captain Ives is here too," he said, voice low and empathic towards his current plight, stepping forth in the dim light, "Like the Counsellor said, we managed to save your life, and 'experimental' treatment might even be an understatement for what we had to do. There was no way to save you that had not reduced you to a life unfit to live, with machines breathing for you and leaving you permanently bedridden. Even then, the risk for infection and dehydration would not have given you any guarantees - any hour potentially have been your last. What we have done, Mr. Morali, is nothing short but a miracle made possible by an unforeseen benefactor and a medical team that has worked for two days to give you this new chance at life. A life not quite the same as you led before, but far better than the alternative."

Lucan paused, and he looked towards Captain Ives where she stood with her arms crossed and with lines of worries around her eyes. He wanted to laugh at her obvious self-disparaging thoughts, but instead, he took a deep breath and spoke to Morali again. "By the winds... you will need time before you can wrap your mind about all of this, but please bear in thought that what we have done was for you, and in the hope that you will lead a full, new life. None was done to you with ill intentions. Please try to keep this in mind... and remain calm."

Then, Lucan turned to Dr. Duv and Dr. Maya. "Will the two of you please explain the procedure, starting with the aquatic denominator we found and the DNA resequencing, followed by the neuro-pressure and epidermis treatment?" He then looked towards Sar-unga, "You might need to explain your role as well, because otherwise, the patient will not give credit to anything we explain. Can you do that?"

Hopefully, Eve Jenkins' touch and the Counsellor would keep Morali calm enough to hear them out, otherwise, Wenn Cinn or Nurse Vojona might have to step in... As for Captain Ives and Commander Rez, they had a lot to answer for once he understood why he had been made a priority... and learned the cost of his survival.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #12 –
As she was given the hypospray in case thing went poorly Hylota tried her bet to remain out of sigh, but with how many people were here, and even the Captain, she could not just push past anyone this time, so she moved to the side and into Morali's view letting the amphibian humanoid see another amphibious life form. Hylota held he hypospry behind her hands so it would not be seen and possibly send the traumatized man into a fit. She had some time to read up on his medical file...what little of it that wasn't classified to her. She could not help but feel that she was sorry for him.

As she moved around the group she kept moving to remain away from h captain, but always have a clear line of running so she could try and get to Morali before he would do anything if things went badly.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #13 –
Her eyes remained on the lone figure that lay prone on the bed adjusting to a new life as a new life form. She felt sorry for him. It had been an adjustment waking in her human body. Even though the change between the two would not be as drastic as it was for him it was still a hard change to except. Her hearing was still focused on his breathing and the rapid pounding of his heart that the words of Dr. Lucan was all but lost to her. It would take a few minutes before her mind finally started to process as she finally started to draw back to the world back into her mind. Blinking softly she slowly became aware of the world around her once more before her eyes slowly drifted towards the doctor offering him a soft slight smile. "I think I would be able to do that. But it might be best to allow him time to adjust fully first. Still I will go by your judgment," she said as she smiled softly before her eyes turned back to the figure laying on the bed. "I just worry about how much shock and new things his mind can adjust to,"

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #14 –
[Sarresh Morali]

Sarresh couldn't even begin to comprehend what was going on. His hand was pink. His hand was pink! And some woman he didn't recognize was asking if he was in pain? Pain? He was confused. He was barely aware that there was a crowd around him. He started to breathe faster, the gills at his neck - the gills! They were gone!! Sucking in a deep breath only caused his nose to flare - and that was when he realized his nose stuck out from his face. His nose wasn't supposed to stick out from his face. It was...small, it was a nub. That wasn't right. His hand was pink and his nose was wrong and he couldn't breathe through his gills...He started to hyperventilate. He couldn't get enough air. How could he. No gills. Too dry, to bright, too, too tootototototooo

And then there was a clam that washed over him from a light touch on his skin. His whole head jerked over to see Nurse Jenkins. He had a vague recollection of her. He frowned. She did something, something weird. He could barely sense it but any sudden worry just...melted to the side. There were voices, and he drew in another shaking, ragged breath as wild eyes seemed to dim slightly, the animal panic fading out of them. He turned back and looked, really looked at the crowd there. So many strange faces. The woman who claimed to be a councilor. He had no memory of her. Nor the strange creature with wings, whose sheer sight caused him to recoil slightly on the bio-bed. Only the dampening sensation of calm coming from the half deltan nurse kept him from crawling off the bed just then. Sarresh had no idea that the strange looking creature was the source of his salvation.

All in all, the former Ash'reem male only recognized a few faces. One with a teal collar around his neck, talking at him in relatively calm tones. Dr. Nicander. Something about him, in the back of his mind - he couldn't bring it to the front. There was too much to take in. What the hell did the man mean, talking like that. And the other....the other was Jien Ives. That man...woman...the sight of that being filled his heart with a rage that he didn't quite understand. Something...something else had happened involving Jien and he couldn't quite put it all together and it only made him that much more angry.

He turned away from the woman. She may be his commanding officer, but right then he wanted to spit at her and he didn't - couldn't recall why. Nicander was babbling on about saving his life and the angry man tried, oh he tried, to focus on the words. He remained silent though. If there were a telepathic in that room right then, they'd be getting a brain-full of confusion, disorientation and anger. He couldn't focus the way he wanted to. His head began to throb as the doctor finished his attempt at calming and explain.

His eyes - small, alien eyes now, glittering with embedded technology - narrowed and were drawn to away once again from Nicander to the side of Ives where some other alien lingered. She - he thought it was a she, despite the lack of apparent mammary glans - looked at him, briefly. His face wrinkled up in confusion again. Still, he said nothing, looking at them all, not quite...glaring exactly, but it was clear by now that he was having trouble ordering his thoughts.

The winged creature was talking to the doctor. Then she was looking at him, and Sarresh forced himself to look back at her. Or what his newly restored eyes perceived as her. Stats seemed to materialize in the corner of his field of vision, information and bio-metrics that didn't quite make sense to him. He had no idea that his eyes used to belong to a doctor from the Harbinger nor did he understand that they were originally coded with medical firmware to help assist the formerly blind (and now very deceased) woman with her surgical duties. He shook his head from side to side as he tried (and failed) to clear it all away.

"What....What the hell are you all talking about? What Happened?"

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #15 –

Lt. Eve Jenkins - Head Nurse

With her hand touching Sarresh, Eve could feel the emotions wailing against her shields.  Mostly it was some fear and a lot of confusion but once there was a spike of pure anger.  She actually winced and projected more calm to him and when he looked at her she gave him a soft smile.  "It's going to be okay," she whispered to him and then looked out at all the others. 

She never lifted her hand from the patient, in fact had let her palm rest against the hollow of his shoulder and her fingertips caressed his new skin softly and tenderly.  "I would suggest perhaps we back up and give him a little room to breathe, take things more slowly and perhaps only one or two try to explain things," she stated to the others.  "It's all quite overwhelming for him."

She hadn't wanted to say he probably felt like a caged animal on display at a zoo but having so many gathered around he had to feel something similar.  Yes he was a medical miracle but it seemed a bit much for him to wake up to so many crowded around him.  His dignity and pride were already severely damaged and now he was going to have to learn to live all over again.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #16 –
After all she had been through Maya was numb, but since a lack of emotion was considered healthy to the Vulcan mindset, she was unconcerned.  As a matter of fact, the drama unfolding before her was a welcome stimulation to get her out of her unfeeling stupor. 

Watching Sarresh Morali's reactions was strangely appealing.  It was like watching a vehicle collision in slow motion.  Even though a spectator could accurately predict the outcome, actually watching the process created a morbid fascination that could not be denied.  In her phlegmatic and almost dazed condition, she could not look away.

Mister Morali was reacting poorly as predicted.  He would no doubt experience the five psychological stages of loss and grief, also known as the Kübler-Ross model:   It could apply to any kind of loss, from the loss of a loved one to the realization of one's own impending demise.  In this case Sarresh Morali was grieving for the loss of a loved one:  himself.  The question would how quickly could Mister Morali go through the stages, and would he survive long enough to complete them?

As the reality of loss is hard to face, it was likely the former Ash'reem would attempt to deny what had happened to him. The instinctive reaction would be for Mister Morali to attempt to shut out the reality and magnitude of his situation.  As a matter of fact there was a real danger he could becpme delusional and retreat into himself to live in a false, preferable reality.  After all, she had shared that reality with him recently.  She knew what it looked like.

Granted, that was an unlikely scenario.  Because his new body was now giving him sensory input completely alien to his Ash'reem psychology it was likely that his denial stage would be painfully brief.  It was statistically probable that Mister Morali would become belligerent and be very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. His anger would be like an uncontrolled submachine gun of earlier eras:  It could be directed at himself, or at others, or at a higher power, any convenient target would do. He would possibly be dangerous to himself and others and would be uncooperative in general and no help to the captain and the mission whatsoever.

If he survived long enough to calm down, he would no doubt attempt to discuss the feasibility of changing him back with Doctor Nicander and Sar-unga Neleo.  The challenges of reversing his transformation were incalculable and possible only in the theoretical sense, especially in the current circumstances.  To say that it was unlikely such a request could be fulfilled would be an understatement.  Fortunately if Sarresh reached this stage he would likely be conciliatory and cooperative.  He might even reveal the knowledge that was so important Captain Ives had been forced to order this unethical procedure in the first place.

When Sarresh finally understood the reality of his situation his depression would hypothetically become so powerful that he might become suicidal.  This could be extremely dangerous, not just for himself but also to everyone aboard the Theurgy if he decided to commit suicide by allowing or even facilitating the destruction of the ship.  He would have to be closely watched and any information he gave would have to be treated with skepticism.

Would he be able to get through those stages and finally accept his tragic circumstances and be able to embrace his new life as a Terran human?  Could he truly cope, and would he cope in time?  Or would his behavior be completely unpredictable?  Despite the human biochemicals in his brain, Sarresh Morali was born an Ash'reem.  His people could have completely different coping mechanisms, psychological processes that could be just as painful and as dangerous as the Kübler-Ross model.   He'd have to be kept under close observation in any case.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #17 –
Amelya Duv continued to watch as the drama started to unfold itself. Had it really been this horrible? Of course it must have! Waking up in a body that completely feels and looks different than what you were in on before your final moments would commence. Amelya was sure that she couldn't grasp the feelings that would be flowing through Sarresh his mind and body. She looked at the other medical officers and at the captain while her stomach turned in a knot. Hearing what Jenkins said would be a great idea, perhaps one on one talk could learn Sarresh more.

She didn't wait for anyone to commence or act, she just took a step forward and smiled gently towards the man before her. Her nostrils faintly flared open a bit while she took a deep breath, where should she start, perhaps at the part where he would remember his last actions. "Lieutenant Morali." She addressed him "We beamed you aboard after you attempted to save your fellow Ash'reem Amakris Neotin. Your body showed great trauma due to the effects of the acidic water in what used to be the hot springs on Theta Eredina." She took a moment to swallow before continuing "Due to the extreme complex physiology of the Ash'reem, we were forced to act quickly to save your life. Basal products were administered to reduce the acid to damage or harm you in an even greater way. After that we had a small conference, the medical officers among us on how to save your life." See let out the part where Jien Ives had demanded it from them, thinking that aggression would solve very little or have any benefit in the current situation.

"A way was devised to ass-.." Her sentence broke off as her combadge bleeped. Her cheeks flared up a bit and she excused herself from the scene for a second to reply to the incoming message. After a few moments she returned in front of Sarresh. "Doctor Maya, would you like to continue, I'm afraid my duty calls me away to deal with a problem down at the battle sickbays." She apologised for the inconvenience and smiled faintly at Sarresh before leaving the room, the doors sliding shut behind her. The tension escaping her as she got out of the room.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #18 –
"Of course Doctor," Maya nodded as the Amelya left.

Amelya's retreat would seem strange to an onlooker but it was all part of a psychological ploy.  By not being associated with the medical staff who had done this to him, the delicious doctor might be able get Sarrash Morali to trust her. Maya had been invited to take the role of 'bad doc' in the game of 'good doc, bad doc'.  As the physician with the worst people skills aboard the Theurgy the little Vulcan was the ideal choice for the role of the heartless dispenser of data.  If Sarrash focused his resentment on one person rather than the entire ship it was unlikely he would be a danger.

There was one flaw to this strategy though.  Maya was a poor lair.   Although she could rehearse a deception and execute it flawlessly without any tells she had a hard time with 'fibbing on the fly'.   Despite her attempts to break free of her Vulcan traditions she was at heart a very honest person.

Maya blinked as she canceled the light trance she had placed herself and flinched as she brought all of her cognitive functions to bear.   She took one unsteady step forward before standing before Sarrash with flawless poise worthy of a dancer. 

"In order to regenerate your body it was necessary to alter it," Maya announced.  "Simply put, your Ash'reem DNA was incompatible with the method of bodily regeneration we employed.  It was necessary to reorder your DNA in order for you to receive the treatment.  Fortunately, nearly all anthropomorphic species in the galaxy share the same ancestor, the species that seeded the galaxy with their genetic material approximately four point five billion years ago.  Using the genetic resequencer and DNA samples from one of our fallen comrades we were able to transform you into a being we could save."


OOC:  To find out about 'the species that seeded the galaxy with their genetic material approximately four point five billion years ago' watch the TNG episode 'The Chase' for details.  

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #19 –
Lucan had stepped back a little to give the patient some space, and while he listened to Dr. Duv and Dr. Maya tell Sarresh about the basic incentives towards what had become of him, he was watching Captain Ives where she stood between Wenn Cinn and Edena Rez - gauging just how difficult this was for her. Her lips were thin, pale lines behind the fist that she had raised before her mouth, as if she was sick and wanted to vomit. Yet her eyes were hard and unblinking, making her look like she was thoughtful and focused, but Lucan realised she must be steeling herself - forcing herself to watch the outcome of her decision to save Sarresh and force the doctors to restore him.

Therefore, it was with no small amount of irritation that Lucan heard Amelya Duv omit Jien's involvement before she had to leave the room and see to one of her patients. Now, she had effectively shifted the blame to him, being the highest ranking medical officer present. Doctor Maya said things that were likely to upset Sarresh even more, so he realised what he needed to do it he was to appear to be the good doctor he portrayed himself to be. He would listen to his Head Nurse, and go with Eve Jankin's recommendation to dismiss the small crowd that was present around the biobed. He fished up a medical tricorder and scanned Sarresh, confirming the obvious.

"The patient is obviously not taking this well, since Jenkins is the only thing that keeps him from having a panic attack," he said with deep concern, putting away his tricorder hastily and stepping into the Temporal Affairs Officer's field of vision. "Mr.Morali, I will ask most people to leave so that you can move a bit. Your body has been through a lot, but I assure you, there is nothing wrong with you besides the fact that we had to alter your DNA for sake of tissue regeneration. You are still you, and no one can take that away from you. Give me a moment, please."

Lucan rounded on the gathered people, his frown not the least hostile but not offering any opening for debate. "This was a bad idea. Commander Wenn, I believe we can handle it with sedatives if so required, Nurse Jenkins can keep him calm as well with her abilities. Captain Ives, Commander Rez and Petty Officer Cardamone, thank you for coming but please go now and await my word on whether or not Sarresh can have any visitors."

"You must inform the Bridge if he says anything," said Jien, and she did not leave right away, "Anything at all about remembering his training and detecting a temporal incursion. The mission rides on this."

"Yes, Captain, I am sure it does," said Lucan evenly with just enough flavour but without being insubordinate. He spoke with the authority invested in his position as Chief Medical Officer on the ship. "Yet I'm ending this show right now. I will not jeopardise Mr. Morali's sanity by making him an animal at some medical zoo. If you are concerned for his well-being as much as the mission parameters, then you will leave now and give him some room and time to cope with what has been done to him." He might not have said it out loud, but the accusation about who had ordered the resurrection was right there, barely veiled between the lines.

Jien did not even look at Lucan, her eyes still on Sarresh Morali, as if she could not look away from the nightmare she had created. After a couple of seconds, however, she turned on her heel and walked out, just like Rez, Wenn and Cardamone had been ordered to do.

By this point, Lucan turned to his own staff and the Chief Counsellor. "Nurse Vojona, please hand me that hypospray and check on your brother, I am sure he is about to wake up soon. Doctor Maya, please return to your patients for the time being. Counsellor O'Connor and Nurse Jenkins, please stay for a while longer while I speak to the patient."

Having given his orders, Lucan paused to look at Mr. Morali, "Please, would you try to sit up? You will need to work on your balance. While you do, please ask any questions you may have. I know this is difficult, but we are trying to explain in order to help you."

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #20 –
Attn: The Counselor

Hylota perked up s her name was mention and she rushed to the side of her CO handing over the hypospray. "Here you are Doctor, and thank you, I do believe he was just getting up...if you happen to gt the ear of the ship's Councilor could you advise them to come pay a visit to my brother so they might evaluate his psychological status." She nodded to to him and left as soon as she was sure Lucan had a firm hold on the hypospray. As she walked away hr hips swayed as she went, a byproduct of her wide hips she hid the movements well when she walked slowly or short distances, but when she walked quickly she had her more feminine walk.

As Hylota walked through the holographic curtain in the recovery ward she walked in to see her blue and red brother sitting up in his bed shaking his hands tying to regain all his feeling while he kept his eyes firmly closed. Hylota smiled at him and spoke up  breaking the silence of the space. "Well you are looking better...sorry for having to freezing you brother but you needed to thaw so you could take in more water to restore your body." Vinata did not respond at all and just began to rub his soft moist skin wiping off the water that had collected on him. Hylota bit her lip for a moment before talking. "We are aboard the Theurgy now...You have been out for a few days suffering from a severe case of dehydration and light burning. All injuries should be restored, but according to code you must be monitored for 24 hours to ensure that there were no unforeseen complications."

Vinata node and opened his dark eyes to look at his sister. "I see. Well I am glad you ere able to get me healed, but could you tell me why I am not able to have a uniform?" He motioned to his nude form. Hylota smiled softly and shook her head. "You know how it works, when thawing a body must be nude to ensure even thawing, and it also ensured that you were able to absorb your treatment though your entire body." Vinata nodded and accepted the explanation with a sigh. After learning he was female in figure compared to every other race he was quite self conscious about his body and liked to be covered up. "Can I have something to wear...or will you be citing the hibernation code on me?" He raised and eyebrow  as Hylota grinned, he let out a groan an flopped down on his bed. "You know you can be a bit of a pain some times sis." Hylota just chuckled, she was grinning ear to ear doing her best not to gt too excited.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #21 –
Wenn Cinn

Only the faintest of twitches to his still expression gave away Cinn's irritation at being asked to leave in such a brusque manner.  Sedation was fine so long as you could get to the man in order to administer it.  That was the entire point of him being asked to be there.  Still, Doctor knew best or so they said and who was he to argue.  Actually that's exactly what he had been about to do, preparing himself for a verbal conflict with the CMO just as the Captain stepped in.

He waited for the dialogue between his Captain and the Doctor to finish, not moving a muscle until Jien turned and walked away.  He paused only to mention the discussion he required with the Doctor, "We need to talk about our guest shortly."  Cinn then turned and followed Jien out of the door, unimpressed by the attitude of Lucan towards those whom he had dismissed so coolly.

His long stride caught up with Jien and the others swiftly and then falling into step naturally as they made their way out of the medical bay.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #22 –
Anyone with eyes could see that he wasn't taking the change as well as anyone had hoped. Not that she would blame him. Making such a change was hard. Even if it where something minor it was still a change to a body that he had known his whole life. Her eyes finally moved from the changed man who lay on the bed to the doctor a deep set frown forming on her lips as she slowly turned casting one last glance at him knowing they where connected in a way few others would come close to understanding. She wouldn't say a word to another as she slowly turned from them leaving the sickbay and the prone figure who she had bled to save.


Sorry it was short

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #23 –
Maya nodded and made her way out without saying a word.  Once again Doctor Lucan had displayed his leadership ability and was taking responsibility for what they had done to Sarresh himself.  It was his responsibility after all as chief medical officer and there was no need for a mob to upset his patient now that Mister Morali had revealed that he was able to take a shock without his body failing him.  It was time to get back to work. 

She really needed more meditation time or better yet more sleep after the day and the night before but aboard this ship long hours and exhaustion were nothing special.  Her patients needed her and if her weariness eroded her Vulcan discipline and made her as fallible as a well-rested human it was a burden she would have to risk bearing.   Even so, she made a mental note to request a few hours off today.  It would be bad for morale if her patients saw how frail she really felt right now.


OOC:  Not at all!  It opens the door for me to give a short reply of my own!

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #24 –
[Sarresh Morali | Main Sickbay]

Overwhelmed was an understatement. Sarresh wanted to rage at what had been done to him, but the nurse next to him kept his mind well and truly subdued. Perhaps it was something he would be grateful for later. Perhaps not. His emotions were not quite his own to control, after all. So much information was being dumped at him, and he wanted to pretend none of it was happening.

But something had clearly happened. Something to him. Something to Amikris...the Trill doctor - yet another face he didn't recognize - was telling him how he had tried to save Amikris? Hadn't he been with her, not that long ago. He frowned, eyebrows furrowing together to a point above his new nose. Tried to save her...that implied that something happened and he failed. The more the young doctor spoke, the more rapidly his heart began to thud in his chest. But before she could finish, she was interrupted, and the diminutive Vulcan Doctor stepped in to address Sarresh instead.

Again, there was no trace nor flicker of recognition of the Vulcan woman, no hint at all that Sarresh remembered what the two had undergone during his recovery and re-sequencing. Just muted horror as she spoke.

There was a word that surfaced in the back of the former Ash'reem's mind. A story he had read once on the Relativity, about a man made monster, put together from bits and pieces of the dead. It struck Lt. Morali to the core when Maya informed him that not only had large swathes of his DNA been re-sequenced, but that the base materials had come from former cremates. His mouth hung slightly ajar as he processed those words, tuning out - again - everyone else in the room. He did not hear Lucan ushering the rest of the gathering away. He didn't hear Jien Ives orders to be informed the moment Sarresh seemed to be useful. He paid no attention to the look that P.O Cardamone shot his way, nor the slight flicker of relief? that passed across Dr Maya's features as she too was dismissed.

No, it wasn't until they were all gone, and Lucan Nicander was standing right next to Sarresh that the mans enhanced gaze seemed to focus away from the hazy, shocked fog that had consumed it. Intelligence flashed behind the servos that coated his iris, and he looked up at the other man, gaze narrowing.

"You turned me into Frankenstein's Monster," he stated, throat sore, voice hoarse. "Total gene re-sequencing? Taking bits of DNA from the deceased? Was saving my life worth such...morbid measures?" He should have been shouting. He should have been leaping forward to strangle the good doctor, but the ever present calming influence of Eve Jenkins kept him well and truly in check. Oh, the doctors implications of just who was responsible for that choice were already clear to the addled man as he managed to lean forward. "You turned me into a freak at what cost? Amikris will want nothing to do with me now!" It hadn't quite sunk in that Amikris would be wanting nothing, from anyone ever again.
 
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