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Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #25 –
[ Main Sickbay | Dr. Nicander ] Attn: Brutus, Searcher & The Counselor

Inside, Lucan was chuckling with mirth at the implication that Junior Lietuenant Morali could not remember that he had lost his mate in the acidic lake. Then again, perhaps it had been hard to see when you did not have any eyes left?

On the outside, Lucan's eyebrows knitted with worry, as if Morali had just said something he had not expected and that it was not the right time to speak of it. If he had cared, he would be standing at a crossroads in the treatment of his patient, where he would have to decide whether or not it was more merciful to tell the surviving mate right away that he had been the only survivor. Besides Captain Ives, of course. He looked towards Eve Jenkins before speaking, as if her calming touch was the deciding factor. "I could say that you should feel lucky being alive, but that would only be a platitude. Nevertheless, that is the good news: That despite what happened to you, you will live on, healthy and strong, albeit looking different than you were. You are now human, medically speaking, besides the shape of your Ash'reem heart that is now pumping red blood through your veins. Furthermore, while I may not be of their kind, there are many aboard that can help you come to terms with your new body. Other humans, and people that you can talk with in order to come to terms with what I was ordered to do to save you..."

Lucan turned and indicated Counselor O'Connor where she stood not far away in the circular room.

"...and potentially - as far as the Captain is concerned - to save the whole crew and the mission. It was not well known before you were hurt, but I understand you are key in detecting temporal incursions; to thwart them should something like the Niga Incident happen again. Captain Ives also told me that even though you may not remember it, you volunteered to aide us all until we see this mission through. Orders or not, it was the least me and my team could do to ensure that you would not have to remain the shell that you were, having lost everything but your heartbeat and your brain activity. If we had not found the means to restore you to full health, you would only have been able to alert us with a computer attached to your cartilage skull. Now, you have a second chance at life."

Pausing, Lucan supposed that was the best he could do to give the poor sod the good news. "However, and it pains me that you should have to learn this now, but only you and Captain Ives survived." He paused there, and showed the appropriate amount of pain and regret, his voice lowering as he looked away. "Assistant Neotin was indispensable here in Sickbay, and she was a friend. We figured out the antidote for the Niga virus together. I treated her for her isophobia, and even when her parents died, she refused to leave the Triage Centre. She begged to to resume her administrative duties immediately, and I acquiesced her requests. Such a tragedy, a young woman merely outliving her parents for a couple of days."

Lucan looked back towards Sarresh, his pale grey eyes blank with pending tears, even if he kept his expression stoic and professional. He laid a tattooed hand upon Morali's shoulder, the father's murderer offering his condolences. "Yet the winds know my grief can be nowhere close to what you may feel right now. I am so sorry, Lieutenant. I wish there was some way to spare you from this shocking experience, and that I could have saved her in the same way we saved you... but she was already dead when you were beamed out. As I read it in Captain Ives' report, there was no hope to save her before you tried to reach her."

As a wise precaution, Lucan was holding the hypospray with the sedatives in his hand, hidden inside the pocket of his labcoat. He was not so much concerned about the reaction as he was excited to see the way his words affected the stranded amphibian.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #26 –
Hayden watched the exchanges between Morali and the others in the room with professional concern and a sense of private guilt.  She understood there was a certain practicality in having diverse medical and command staff on hand to give, and perhaps more importantly, to receive information from the man.  However, as the exchange progressed, it was apparent just how shattering Sarresh's experience was going to be, and there was a certain voyeurism in this experience that didn't sit well with her on some level.

She thought she heard one of the nurses, indeed the woman she believed had saved Morali's life, mention a request concerning Hayden and the nurse's brother.  Hayden mentally filed that away, along with the other mental notes she was keeping in such a short time. O'Connor was concerned about Maya, Cinn, Ives, and now Sarresh and an unknown male to name a few.  Despite having plenty of distractions, however, the counselor couldn't escape the pit in her stomach that was her own grief.  Somehow she felt destined to feel it forever.

Hayden was relieved when Nicander cleared the room.  It was what she was screaming to do herself, purely because of their patient's expressions.  It gave her no particular sense of flattery or confidence to be asked to remain behind, and in fact, she wasn't sure if she would be much help.  She *wanted* to help, of course, but she also recognized she was a stranger to this man and was witnessing his private pain simply because her title suggested she should. 

Those feelings became that much more amplified when Nicander dropped the bombshell that Morali was the sole survivor.  Having sent a group of people to their deaths just recently, there was a certain agony in having to witness the consequences of other people's choices, no matter how well-intentioned.  There was also something just in it, she supposed

Hayden resisted the urge to say something to fill the space between the CMO's news and Sarresh's response.  Though she questioned on one level the wisdom of dropping such news on an already fragile man, she also knew it didn't make sense to keep it from him any moment longer.  Much had been done to him already in the name of his own welfare, and keeping this from him would just be one more instance of someone else asserting control over him.  First, it was his body.  Asserting such control over his emotions seemed just as wrong.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #27 –
[Amelya Duv] Attn: Zeozine

After receiving the signal that she was needed elsewhere, Amelya left the room with Sarresh and the others. Once the door closed behind her she let out a small sigh. Feeling relieved that she was out of that room, away from the bad vibes in there. She couldn't help but feel bad for the man they 'saved' back there, if you could even call this saving. She quickly shook the ideas and thoughts away as she made her way to the task at hand. She walked up to the holographic curtain and made her way in. She wasn't really surprised to see the two siblings already talking with each other. By the time she got by the bed, she smiled at both of them kindly. Her hair had been tidied up a bit and was kept together by two black sticks, two more strands of her brown hair rolled down behind her ears and rested just at her collar bones. She hadn't made the effort to put on make up.

Doctor Duv smiled kindly as she was happy to see some familiar faces from the Harbinger. She took up her PADD and checked the last inserted data while she peeked over to look at Vinata. "Hello Hylota and Vinata. Welcome aboard the Theurgy if nobody has called you welcome here yet." she smiled and placed the PADD down once more. She started to scan Vinata now while asking Hylota if she had any remarks on the data gathered or on the thawing process. While her own scans showed nothing out of the extraordinary, Amelya still let her eyes go over the body of Vylota's brother. The Ovri physiology was somewhat different than the other species that she had worked with. "What about you Vinata, anything that feels out of the ordinary?" she asked and looked at him.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #28 –
As soon as Doctor Duv entered the curtained off area Hylota turned with an irritated look as she was prepared to tell whoever had entered to please give some privacy. As son a she realized who it was she snapped to attention. "Ma'am." Vinata smiled and waved hello to her. As she gave them  welcome to the Theurgy Vinata spoke first, as usual. "Well Ma'am it is a pleasure to still be serving after all that happened with the triage station."  Hylota responded shortly after in her usual manner. "Thank you Ma'am." As Vinata was asked about his health he smiled. "Well I am no longer in ny dangr, my kin feels a little tingly from the thawing I would guess, but aside from that I have recovered from my near death quite well. Now if only I had some clothes." He looked to hi sister who for the first time near Doctor Duv. "I would supply you with something Vinata, but you just suffered a severe case of burns an dehydration, not to mention since we are the only race with medical regulations on thawing from being frozen without mechanical aid you must follow Ovri regulations. And they clearly states that you must remain undressed for 24 hours." Vinata groaned and flopped down onto his bed again.

Vinata sat up and smiled. "It is nice to see a familiar face...well it nice to see someone else for hat matter. Hylota is being a little overprotective of me." Hylota shook her head. "You almost died, I think I am a little entitled to a little freak out over your safety brother." Vinata sighed and looked to Doctor Duv. "So what brings you over to my little bio bed today Ma'am? I doubt you just wanted to say hi and check up on me, do you want to talk about anything? ...Please talk with me,  it is so boring in here, I am sealed in this little spot behind a medical barrier, it is so dull in here...it wouldn't be so bad if I had a PADD in here or something." Vinata smiled slightly showing that he was not suffering.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #29 –
[Sarresh Morali | Main Sickbay]

Objectively speaking, Lucan was right. Sarresh had been spared an utterly horrible fate, and there was every chance that, in the end, he would be grateful to have escaped the horrible alternative - to be a shell of a man trapped in a life support unit, only able to respond to questions via computer assistance hard wired into his skull. Yes, that was a fate far worse then a fully functional new body, even one built on the DNA of dead crew that well and truly had a Frankenstein-esque feel to it. Truly, it was as much a medical miracle as the artificial eyes now allowing Sarresh to focus his horrified gaze on Dr. Nicander as what was left of his world shattered around him.

The mission didn't matter just then. Not even the horrific transformation mattered. Living up to the supposedly idealized version of himself, the man that volunteered to have his memory butchered to save the Theurgy and the future of the timeline itself, because that man felt it necessary, didn't matter. His new lease on life didn't matter. What was life, without companionship? What was his mission, without Amikris?

The memories came back in a flood of pain. The searing bite of the acidic water. The struggle to breathe. The heat coursing over every inch of him. The mind numbing pain. And her wrecked, destroyed form, floating adrift in that pool of water. Of...of having to leave her. Of having that choice taken away from him.

It would be an unbearable rush of guilt, of devastation, that Nurse Jenkins would feel through her touch. Sarresh didn't even shrug away Dr. Nicander's hand on his other shoulder. His body convulsed, once, as clear tears began to trail down the chiseled jaw from his technologically enhanced eyes. His vision blurred - before the servos corrected for the discrepancy caused by the tears, phasing out the smudging in his vision to restore perfection to his sight. The sob was soft, at first, and then utterly gut wrenching as he fell to pieces, with a hushed, pained "Noooooo".

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #30 –

Lt. Eve Jenkins - Head Nurse

Eve remained focused on the patient, her hand resting gently upon his shoulder as she tried not to create too much physical stimuli as she weathered the emotions of all those around her.  They were strong enough to batter at her shields and she was thankful when so many of them retreated.  As always there was only the blank spot that was Lucan, none of his emotions or thoughts slamming into her.  For a moment she was able to gather her wits and simply take in a few deeper breaths.

It was only a moment though as suddenly Sarresh began to remember things.  Anger, revulsion, and many other emotions flooded her but none were so bad as the guilt.  It was like an arrow piercing her heart, joining with the guilt she felt herself and again she could see the young engineer laying there impaled with part of the scaffolding.  Her body went rigid for a moment and though her mouth opened as if to let out a heartbreaking scream, there was absolutely no sound from her.

The miasma of guilt and horror threatened and yet Sarresh needed strength and comfort, something she couldn't do if she allowed herself to fall into that black it of despair.  Her teeth clicked as she shut her mouth, brow furrowing as she swam back up to the surface.  With her shielding back in place and strong, she drew Sarresh to her and wrapped her arms around him as her own tears glistened and slipped down her cheeks.  "I'm so sorry," she whispered, stroking his hair and rocking slightly like a mother comforting a child.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #31 –
Amelya smiled a bit as she heard the two siblings talk and perhaps even tease eachother. "I'm afraid Hylota is right. You'll have to spend the following hours without any garments on. Ovri regulations." She answered to back up Hylota, a warm smile on her face now. "As for what brings me here. I needed to physically see you after the thawing process and see if you're alright." she continued and placed her hands at the end of the biobed. She had to laugh a bit heartily as Vinata seemed to beg to her to not leave. "Alright, alright Vinata, what do you want to talk about?" she asked and looked down at him.

In the back of her mind she made a mental note that she still needed to arrange an appointment with the ships counselor. After such a traumatic event perhaps the young Ovri could use someone to talk to more specialized in these matters. Yet for now, she just stuck around for a social chat. She used to do that a lot on patients under her care to get a feel of their morale and their worries. She'd usually try to help them as much as she could so when she left they'd mostly have a better feeling than when she came to them.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #32 –
Vinata smiled at Doctor Duv. "Well I thank you for  coming o check up on me, fortunately as you can see, there s nothing wrong with my body." He smiled while Hylota muttered under her breath. "At least that we have observed so far." Vinata ignored his sister and decided to push on to find out thing since he ha been out of commission for a while. "Well Ma'am if you would not mind me asking, would you be able to tell me what I have missed?" He moved to get more comfortable on the medical bed. "You see after I left my post at the Triage center I was knocked out and have been out of consciousness for several days as far as I can tell."

Vinata looked worried and he clasped his hands together in a worried manner. "I remember seeing the center under attack, I saw things going to hell. I want to know if anyone else from my station was able to make it out. Did any of my patients recover, did my colleagues make it back to the Harbinger?" Vinata did not know the death toll,he did not know that most of the people where he had been stationed could not be beamed up. He had no idea that many of his colleagues had died fighting to protect their patients while he had been running to get supplies, but judging from the pained look on his face he had a bad feeling bout what had happened.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #33 –
While Vinata spoke of his last memories down on Theta Eredina, Amelya's radiant smile faded a wee bet before she nodded and would start to speak. The memories of Theta were mixed, she had good memories about them yet a lot of negative ones as well considering the aftermath. She started to tell Vinata what had happened now, trying to be as detailed as she could about the events without really pushing to the fact that they had a lost a lot of good crewmembers. She told him at the end of her talk that a lot of them perished on Theta and that those who got out were somewhat injured, physically or mentally. "Most of the injured lay aboard the Theurgy now, like yourself." she concluded and placed her hand on his leg "But at least you'll make a full recovery." she smiled.

It brought her to her next point however "I do think though that you might have benefit talking to the ship's counselor. Just to make sure you have no residue trauma psychological. I'll arrange for a meeting once I discharge you from sickbay, or let one of the other doctors take care of it." She continued and kept her hand on his leg. It was a sign to let her show him that she did this for his own good and that it was not really up for discussion. She meant the best for him, even though the two would no longer fall under her command once she returned to the Harbinger.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #34 –
[ Main Sickbay | Dr. Nicander ] Attn: Brutus, Searcher & The Counselor

The change from anger to misery came with relative ease, Lucan thought, after he gave Sarresh Morali the news about his mate. He watched the shift happen with hidden excitement, that moment when something died behind those new artificial eyes of his. Perhaps it was the beast inside that made Lucan consider the fact how he had taken everything from him even when he'd had nothing to begin with.

For indeed, as he stood there, with his compassionate hand resting on Sarresh's shoulder to support him wordlessly, Lucan thought about how the former Ash'reem might have foreseen all of this to happen while he served on the Relativity. Why would he then volunteer to help the Theurgy? Had he harboured some kind of hope to change events he had witnessed in the time-stream? Had he hoped to save Amikris' life, and in her DNA, also saved his own people from extinction? Or had he known it was futile to save her, and that his people would be doomed no matter what he might have done? Had he volunteered to undertake this mission, knowing that after his Memory Engram Manipulation treatment, he would not know what may come of him? Had he been sitting there, on the Relativity, watching these very events unfold time and time again, and still decided to sacrifice himself for the chance that only one minor thing would have come to pass differently? That he could have stopped the deaths of Amikris' mother and father? That Amikris would not have been wroth with him, and been by his side instead of taking that swim in the Thermal Springs when the Calamity attacked?

Indeed, if he had known that the Calamity would strike on Theta Eridani IV... he would have known about the casualties that numbered in the hundreds. All the injured outside in the Recovery Wards. Had Sarresh wanted to save them all, or was it just Amikris and his former people? Or might he be key to the odd chance that Captain Ives would succeed with their mission? Speculations, all of it. Lucan supposed that they would never know.

What he did know, was that Sarresh had been stranded in time, with no memories or means to help the ship unless a temporal incursion would trigger those memories. Without that trigger, he knew nothing of worth. Just another imbecile feeding off the life support systems of the ship. Even worse, he had then been virtually killed, stripped of flesh and face, loosing his mate and his people in one savage strike. Yet he had been ignorant about it, blissfully so, until that moment when he cried in Eve Jenkins' arms. Lucan had even made him think Amikris still lived, which was quite easily accomplished by manipulating Doctor Maya to make him think she was Amikris. Lucan had watched his Vulcan subordinate fool the heavily drugged Sarresh, fucking him on the very biobed he now sat on - playing the part of the Ash'reem girl with bravado with the help of her empathic abilities. Lucan had given Sarresh one last glimpse of what he had lost. One last taste of love forever gone.

And now, Lucan had destroyed the fool completely with just a few compassionate words, merely telling him the truth of his pitiful existence. Now, Sarresh knew exactly what Lucan had felt when they took Kisane from him. With luck, the former Ash'reem's hate and sorrow would be the kind of ore that Lucan could use to forge a weapon of his own, since he knew the heat from which Sarresh now rose again. Will you be my sword, my shield... or merely my dagger in the darkness?

The first blows of the hammer had fallen, and the biobed had been the anvil.

"I wish there was something I could do to ease this pain you feel, but I am afraid our anaesthetics cannot treat this kind of agony," he said quietly, removing his hand from the man's shoulder, "I know the stories of others mean nothing right now, but if there is any comfort, I do understand some of your loss. The woman I was supposed to live and die with on Envon experienced something horrible, and she was reduced to but a shell of her former sell. I sought a way to cure her. Travelled to Aldea to study medicine. I thought my people would care for her while I applied myself to the task. I was wrong. They thought her condition hopeless, so they put her down. They killed her like she was an animal in my absence."

He raised his eyes to Eve Jenkins, and the subtle meaning with that look was plain. She had said she loved him, and the reason he had not responded in kind was because of what he spoke.

"The day before I left, before I left to find her cure," said Lucan, his voice low, "I pushed her wheelchair along the mountain paths. I wanted to take her to the plateau her parents had taken her when she was young. Where she had played and learned to command the wind. Her parents could not take her there anymore, because they died in the incident where she had become broken. I tried to do it for her... or for them, I don't know. Yet the mountainside was too steep. Gravel made us slide down all the time, forced me to start over, again and again. I was determined. She could not speak any more, did not move a muscle in her face, but I knew she would be telling me to give up. That I would hurt myself. Hurt her even more. It was not until nightfall that I gave up. I had given her my cloak to keep her warm. I could no longer see the cliff face, and I was cold, bleeding."

He looked towards Sarresh Morali again. "Her name was Kisane, and everything I am today is because of her. I may not have been able to save her, but since that day, I am committed to my calling." No reason to tell them what that calling was, of course. "With any hope, this great loss of yours, and your new life as human being, may both bring something good into your life as well."

Becoming his instrument of murder and mayhem until his kin claimed the entire Galaxy as their own.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #35 –
Vinata took the news relatively well, he ended up laying on his back with a hand on his forehead when he learned bout the loss of many of he people he had come to call his friends. It was so strange, he had left them all alive and now he was laying on a different ship hearing about how he would never see any of his friends again. He was so taken aback by the news he almost didn't notice when Doctor Duv said that at least he had recovered, h looked blank for a second before snapping back and responding. "What? Oh yeah...that is good." He put on a weak smile, unlike Hylota he was not able to take this in stride and it was painfully obvious that this much needed news hurt him on a deep level. Although when he herd that he would be talking to the counselor.

There was pain and confusion on his face, he turned to look at his stoic twin sister several times before he let out a sigh and rubbed his arms. "I think that would be for the best Ma'am...I would rather they show up while I am stuck here though, let me start working his out now instead of letting it go on while I am put back into the work rotation. That and it would be something to do while being stuck here." He chuckled and smiled at Doctor Duv, it was clear he was putting on a smile for her sake, making a simple joke to try and calm hr nerves and show hi form CO that he was not a wreck and would recover from the ordeal.

Seeing the rather down mood the curtained off area was Hylota oddly enough tried to make things better as she cleared her throat. "Not to be disrespectful at all, but I think we have all suffered enough doom and gloom. Lets instead focus on some humor...like how we have already gotten the nursing staff of this crew confused about which one of us is the sister." Vinata groaned and chuckled. "Oh great this again, well at lest I was asleep through it this time. Last time had a security staff member calling m Hylota and asking me out for a romantic Holodeck date." He shook his head and chuckled.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #36 –
Amelya let her eyes go over Vinata as he spoke and despite the efforts of the male Ovri, she could still sense pain and distress. She noted down in the PADD that a counselor should visit as soon as she found the time to do so. Although Duv could council herself, she felt like a real professional would be better at it with Vinata. Most probably these talks would not be contained to one small chat but to numerous chats to help Vinata recover. That's where the problem was... Duv was to be transferred back to the Harbinger after this last act aboard the Theurgy. A notion that made her a bit sad herself. She wanted to head back to her 'home', yet she had met so many people here and left so much crew behind.

Amelya had to laugh a bit though when he told her about the crew not being able to keep them both apart. "Well, you two are quite different to everyone else here on the staff. I presume some men can't really make the link that you have breasts. Safe to say, I think they always conclude that woman have breasts." she chuckled and felt some stress falling off her shoulders as she could laugh once more. "Besides Vinata, maybe you can experiment with the men..." she added teasingly and winked at him.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #37 –
Hylota noted he look of worry on Duv's face, she had seen that look on her own face recently as sh had thought abut how to handle things here. She held her thoughts to herself though as Amelya talked with Vinata about his gender identity and how people thought about him. Vinata however turned a purplish color and shook his head no. "What! Me, with a man? I don't think I could,  have seen how they reacted to learning I was not a woman, what would happen if I played the part of a woman only to be caught when they find the slit I have is simply a cover to hide my own cock? An besides, I find women attractive..." He looked a Hylota as she raised a hand to note the physical appearance of females. "Shut up Hylota you know what I meant. I want to spend time with the other gender." He shot his twin a look that said to drop it.

Hylota raised her hands in a motion to back off. "I understand fully, I have recently gotten intimate with both, I met with a fellow woman who I found attractive for her body, and a man I liked for who he was." Vinata looked at hi sister funny. "You bedded a male?...Aren't you getting into your fertile period? Hylota you do realize this is risky right?" Hylota sighed. "I know, but it is that time,I cannot exactly fight of the desire for intimacy so easily. and I do not want to just take an extended leave and lock myself away. I have done enough of that I think." It seemed Hylota was tiring of her self imposed isolation.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #38 –

Lt. Eve Jenkins - Head Nurse

Eve continued to hold the changed man, crooning to him as her heart broke for him.  She wasn't going to tell him of others who had died, like sweet Esther and countless others.  She wished he would have waited to tell Sarresh, to give him a little time to adjust, but the words were out and there was no way to take them back so all she could do was be there as much as possible.

What she didn't expect was for Lucan to speak of his own past and loss, her eyes rising to catch that significant look.  Her breath caught and he continued with the heartbreaking story.  She wished she could embrace him as well but the more he spoke, the more she realized something.  He would never love her, not fully at least.  As he spoke and broke Sarresh's heart, he now did the same to her.

Pain filled her, the look of defeat and sorrow plain in her soft eyes and tears welled anew.  There was no way she could just turn off her feelings and in that moment she hugged Sarresh with just a little more tenderness.  When she looked at Lucan again, he would still see the love she held for him but no longer the hope, only resignation and determination.  Her heart was broken but she would survive.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #39 –
She was on the planet, getting people to evacuation shuttles and transport stations. There was phaser fire and a barrage of torpedoes struck the ground every few minutes. Suddenly the ground shook and the air filled with smoke. It grew hot and she found it increasingly difficult to breath. Her mind was going blank as she started coughing and fell to her knees. She was going to die.

And then nothing...


Lahkesis Saugn | Sickbay

The first thing Lahkesis was conscious of was the warmth of the solar lamps. She could feel them all over her body. Next she became aware of the cool mist cascading over her from various sources and drops of water moving over her skin into the water she was laying in. It was roughly an inch deep and roughly room temperature. Her body was stiff and didn't seem to want to move immediately, most likely due to her being stationary for some time, though she could not tell exactly how long it had been.

Her mind slowly began to piece together the events that had brought her here. The memory was still fresh in her mind, the emotions just under the surface. She could still feel the raw panic, the final thoughts of her own mortality, and the dread as darkness had taken her. She had always known that her death was inevitable, though she had honestly expected to live a good deal longer. She wondered if she was afraid of death.

She did her best to let go of the emotions, to relax in the healing waters and warm rays inside the isolation tank. It was over, she was safe. She took a deep breath in and let it back out, repeating that over and over to herself. It was a simple relaxation technique, no where near as effective as those of a Vulcan, but it worked and she quickly relaxed once more.

Slowly she opened her eyes and blinked until they focused around the tank. It was bright, yet she could still make out the details of the tank. The lights of the tank washed out most of the world around her, but she could see the ceiling of the recovery ward through the plate of transparent aluminum to her side. She heard a faint beep, notifying whoever was near that she was conscious. She closed her eyes again and waited.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #40 –
[ Maya | Sickbay, Isolation ]

Maya was sitting at the observation console monitoring the isolation tanks, meditating.  Appropriately enough, she found the chamber quiet and suitable for light mediation, even though the greenblooded neurologist wasn't the one in isolation.  It was a delightful way to find solitude without loneliness especially now.  Lying before her in a transparent isolation tank was a the tall and willowy Lahkesis Saugn, a young woman who was even more alone and isolated in the modern day galaxy than Maya was.

Although the lovely Miss Saugn appeared perfectly human, appearances were deceiving.  The lovely young woman who was currently lying in a crystal coffin like a sleeping princess in a Terran folk tale was actually a being artificially created from the Teslyliac, a species of plant life that had been wiped out in the war with the Dominion. 

The poor girl had been created as part of a secret experiment and had learned most of her knowledge from sleepteaching computers that had taught her as she developed.  Even when emerging fully grown from her cloning vat, she had little in the way of guidance, for a year after she had awoken the research facility that had created was destroyed and only Lahkesis and two of her identical sisters survived to spend three months in the wilderness before cobbling together a subspace beacon so they could be rescued. 

After that Lahkesis and her sisters were lived at the Daystrom facility before enrolling in Starfleet Academy.    Lahkesis Saugn was assigned as a midshipman, for she had spent an additional two years at Starfleet Medical studying medicine.  When Midshipman Saugn was assigned to the Theurgy, she had joined Maya on the night shift where the two formed an awkward friendship.   

Maya discovered that she had much in common with the young girl, and took her under her wing.  Poor Lahkesis was a stranger in a strange land, just like the little Vulcan was.  Like Maya, Lahkesis enjoyed observing people but had difficulty interacting with them.  Just like the temporal castaway, she was curious, for the galaxy was a new and exciting place to her, but at the same time she was alone.  The girl seemed to emulate Maya's behavior, looking at the older woman as a role model, and for her part, Maya attempted to guide her.  But when it came to dealing with her feelings, it was the blind leading the blind.  Both of them attempted to focus of the more positive emotions without knowing how.  Both of them dealt with negative emotions by stoically suppressing their feelings and keeping their behavior cold and efficient. 

Like most of the Theurgy's medical personnel she had gone down to Theta Eridani IV and gotten caught in the Calamity's attack.  Smoke inhalation and intense heat had incapacitated her and since the ash filling the air cut off the sun, she had suffered malnutrition as well.  After she was recovered Lahkesis was placed in a clear isolation filled with an inch of mineral water and subjected to solar radiation until her energy levels returned to normal.  In the meantime Maya made it part of her daily routine to spend time with her.

An electronic chime alerted Maya that her charge was awake.  The little Vulcan awoke from her light trance and rose to peer through the transparent lid to check on her colleague. 

Lahkesis was a lovely creature.  Without clothing the pale, nearly flawlessly smooth skin covering her tall, slender, yet curvaceous figure was exposed to view.  Her lovely eyes were open, revealing that her irises were the same luminous crystal blue eyes as her pupils.  The 'hair' that covered her scalp in a floral pattern of reds and pinks were in reality living filaments that had more in common with flower petals than mammalian hair.   The pouty lips on her square unlined face were pursed as if she was going to ask a question.  She was squinting at the sunlamps shining down at her so Maya pressed a button on her PADD and the lid to the isolation tank rose so the girl could sit up.   Maya inhaled the girl's floral scent, a guilty pleasure for someone with olfactory senses stronger than the human norm.  Lahkesis Saugn didn't smell like sweat or salt like most people did.  Her natural odor was closer to roses or lilacs.

"Hello Lahkesis," Maya greeted in her calm mezzosoprano voice.  "Are you experiencing any discomfort that is medical relevant?" she asked as she tilted her head and stared at the girl with her large hazel eyes.  "Do you have any psychological issues you wish to discuss?"



OOC:  I apologize for the long unnecessary exposition but since this is Lahkesis's introductory scene I thought I should describe your character as much as possible so the reader won't have to look her up in the manual.  By sure to check my description of your character for mistakes and get back to me if I need to make any changes.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #41 –
[Sarresh Morali]

He was only dimly aware of the arms encircling his body, of that very human comfort that Nurse Jenkins was offering to him. He had no way at all of knowing what she was feeling - her grip on him helped to take the edge off of what he was feeling, but it didn't seem - at least just then - to be a two way street. He couldn't feel the fingers running through his hair. All he could feel were the tears that snaked down his own cheeks, causing his lip to tremble. The reaction was so very muted from what would be expected. Again, a result of the nurse standing behind him, next to him.

It was something of a miracle that the former Ash'reem could hear the words that poured from Lucan's mouth. A similarly heart wrenching tale, one that managed to turn the gaze of the destroyed man up to the doctor. He looked up at Lucan from the embrace of Eve Jenkins, a pitiful, broken man in a shiny new body. Whatever future he might have known to have happened, none of it mattered now, as he listened to Dr Nicander recount his own horrors.

And they were horrific. Perhaps he would have been more sympathetic had his own world not been crushed just then. Perhaps, had he not woken up, 'alone' in a new body, he may have felt the pain of Eve Jenkins behind him, or felt a kinship with Nicander over their shared losses. Perhaps in time, he would.

But just in that moment, his whole body shook with pain. with loss. "I held her..." he moaned out softly. "In my arms. In my lap. She was...so real..." Ghosts of a memory, that he couldn't possibly know were not with his own beloved Amikris, but with the now vacant Dr Maya. Such intimacy that had left him sure, so sure, that he was not alone, that the woman he would have made his mate was there with him, alive. That they had both survived that hell planet. He had known it in his heart, in his soul.

He was wrong. And the hug from the nurse felt both wrong and right. The timing was as bad as it could be, as it forced him to remember the feeling of Amikris in his arms. He wanted to shove Nurse Jenkins away - but at the same time, he couldn't. He couldn't be cause her presence restrained him in more ways than one. He couldn't because he needed that kind of intense, physical comfort. And he hated himself all the more for it.

Almost as much as he hated Jien Ives. There was no doubt, not one, in his mind as to who was at fault. Who could have helped him save Amikris. If they could do...do this to him, they could have done the same to her, if only they had beamed her up as well. If only they had done a wide dispersal beam. The memory flashed back, floating there as the acid bit into his body, slowly dissolving his bones - his bones! - from the inside out, watching as they both started to flicker, he and the mess that was Ives.

Sarresh began to tremble and shake in Eve's arms. Was it shock, or simply rage?

OOC: veeeeeeeeeery hard to RP this kind of traumatic response. Glad to have a 'dampening' effect on Sarresh to keep him from outright flipping. Lemme know what y'all think.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #42 –
In so many ways, Hayden felt as if she didn't belong in Morali's presence at this most intimate of moments.  A counselor's job was often to bear witness to someone else's pain and to contain it for them even if there was no erasing it, as was certainly the case now, but as she watched Nurse Jenkins embrace Morali, she felt a bit guilty for being an unwitting voyeur to such agony.  Now was not the time for logic or words to challenge him out of his feelings.  Understanding and a certain meaning to it all would come later, when the shock faded.  Now was the time for comfort, physical touch, all of which Eve was already doing and doing well.

Nicander's words seemed to come out of nowhere to Hayden, and though she was left with the sense the CMO's admission was shared out of his own discomfort and sense of helplessness when it came to Sarresh's emotional response, she was no less moved by it.  She didn't know Nicander all that well, but although he struck her as a perfectly competent physician, she had the sense there was a certain social awkwardness about him. He wasn't completely devoid of emotional intelligence, but she was left with the impression what he offered on that front might be more feigned than anything.  As if what he offered that spoke to someone's emotions or psychological well-being was calculated so that he could get to the information he most cared about: that which concerned the science of medicine.  She supposed he wasn't unlike many doctors who considered themselves more scientists than artful healers.

But now she didn't know what to make of what Nicander was sharing.  She never would've expected him to share something so personal, especially not in front of others.  Whatever discomfort he might have felt at Morali's emotional agony, it seemed like he was trying to offer his support in his own way.  Hayden turned to him and met his eyes.  Now was not the time or place to address what he'd said since their focus needed to be on Morali, but she hoped to convey to the doctor he'd been heard.  She searched his eyes for a long moment, wanting to communicate her concern for him and her desire to reach out to him later when the time was right.

Turning back to Eve and their patient, Hayden noticed she wasn't the only one moved.  Before she could say anything to Eve, however, Sarresh's shaking caught their attention.  Hayden knelt beside Morali and placed a hand against his back.  "Take slow, deep breaths.  You're safe here."

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #43 –
Lahkesis Saugn | Sickbay

As the tank opened Lahkesis looked around. She smiled when she spotted Maya. It was good to see a familiar face, especially that of her guide to all things humanoid, or rather at least all things humanoid that had not been a part of the information she had received at the Research Facility or at Starfleet Academy, which as it had turned out was quite a bit. She would have had to learn much of that on her own, a daunting task to be sure, if it had not been for the guidance of the Vulcan Doctor.

Though she had made it a point to keep much of the discoveries she had made on her own, especially regarding her sexuality, a secret. She was not certain how others would react to the information about what she had dubbed her "blooming" and the narcotic substance she released at the moment of peak pleasure. Though she was certain they would most likely react with curiosity and not hostility, she also could not shake the thought that once more she would find herself being a medical subject and not a person within her own right.

She had lived through that once in her life, she did not want a repeat of it.

Bt still she was glad to see Doctor Maya and she sat up in the tank. As she sat up, crossing her legs so she would remain in the water, she noticed a faint pain in her neck and back. It was most likely due to remaining motionless for an extended period of time. Though her body was distinctly plant based it still required movement or it would stop being as flexible. She would likely need to take some time in the gym to stretch out and rehabilitate her body, though that would have to wait.

As she glanced around it became quite clear to her that the battle was long since over, once more the USS Theurgy was at peace, or as much so as possible giving it's circumstances. The first question she asked was perhaps the most obvious. "How long was I unconscious?"


OOC: Sorry this took so long, I have been fighting off a flu and the holidays have been... interesting.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #44 –
[ Maya | Sickbay, Isolation ]

"Approximately forty six hours, eight minutes, and fifty two seconds," the little Vulcan replied, "but of course it is impossible to be precise," she added as she gazed with maternal pride at her darling protégée.  "You missed a party," she added as she glided behind Lahkesis and started massaging the kinks out of her neck.  "It would have given you an excellent opportunity to socialize and form bonds with your shipmates," she added before narrowing her eyes and tightening her lips.  "Then again perhaps it was best that you didn't attend," she admitted as she thought of the cruel treatment Phantom had given her.  "The Harbinger's officers were there.  Some of them were quite uncivilized."

It was at times like this Maya appreciated growing up with a traditional family on Vulcan.  Contemplating the repercussions of an encounter between the Harbinger's pilots and the innocent young Lahkesis was the stuff of nightmares.  For a brief moment, Maya understood how it was possible for sentient beings to actually wish to kill other sentient beings.  The thought of Phantom or any of the Harbinger fighter pilots getting anywhere near the girl made the concept of committing homicide disturbingly acceptable.

She pushed those thoughts from her exhausted but disciplined mind and tried to indulge herself in the maternal love that Lahkesis' presence nurtured.  It was a good feeling, appropriate for a medical doctor.  It gave her a sense of purpose and belonging and allowed her respite from her personal demons without having to use her meziofrontal cortex to distance herself from her emotions.  Loving the willowy intern was an indulgence no different from a swig of alcoholic spirits or frivolous time wasted on the holodeck:  It was comforting and let the little Vulcan relax the way the majority of her shipmates did. 

Unlike the state inebriation, caring for Lahkesis served a constructive purpose.  The willow intern really was like a fragile flower and needed to be loved and protected.  If having maternal feelings for the girl was a guilty pleasure, it didn't matter.  The means justified the ends.  If Lahkesis had an ally that would watch out for her and it made Maya feel better, what was the harm?  She had left Vulcan to rebel against being forced into total emotionlessness after all.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #45 –
Lahkesis Saugn | Sickbay

As the Vulcan moved behind her to begin massaging out the knots in Lahkesis tense muscles the plant girl could not help but let out a soft, quiet moan. She was tense, but nothing that a bit of Vulcan Massage couldn't cure. She relaxed a little as she thought about what the Doctor Maya said.

She had only been out for about 2 days. She felt as if she had missed a couple of week for sure, but then again she had never actually fallen unconscious like that before, brief periods of unconsciousness after spending to much time away from solar radiation and her solar lamps, but nothing like what had happened on the planet's surface.

"I missed a party? I can't decide if that means I missed social activity, which is regretful, I do like observing the crew in social situation," Lahkesis said with a sigh, rolling her shoulders and stretching. The feeling of the Vulcan's massage felt quite nice. "Or if that means I missed another incident of where a member of the crew imbibed to much alcohol and engaged in ritual combat, or at least as close to ritual combat as they are capable of while intoxicated."

She could not help but let out a chuckle as she remembered one of the incidents where a Klingon member of the crew attempted to engage a Vulcan member of the crew in ritual combat and preceded to do more damage to himself then the Vulcan. The security personnel let the Klingon beat himself into a crumbled heap on the floor. He was simply left there for the rest of the party and everyone else simply went on with what they were doing before.

"Either way it sounds like it would have been enjoyable to be there," Lahkesis replied with a smile. Though she paused and considered it again. "Or were they uncivilized in such a way as to make lewd advances to crewmembers?" She considered that possibility for a second. "If that's the case then perhaps it is best that I missed the entire affair."

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #46 –
[ Maya | Sickbay, Isolation ]

"Yes I must agree," Maya replied as her long graceful fingers applied the ancient art of Vulcan neuropressure to the young girl's spine.  Although composed of cells closer to fungus or vegetable matter, the girl's nervous system was incredibly similar to those of her shipmates and responded to Maya's caresses.  "The Harbinger's Valkyrie pilots were an uncivilized group whose barbaric behavior was noted despite attempts to keep the situation hidden rather than dealing with it.  Speaking from experience, their behavior is unsurprising considering the example set by their leader.  Responsibility starts at the top, I believe the expression goes."

Maya closed her eyes and moved the horrible memory of her ordeal to the back of her mind.  She could concentrate on those particular memories later, when she met with Counselor O'Connor.  Right now she was here to provide a safe and nurturing environment for young Lahkesis so the girl could have a chance to acquire confidence and experience. 

"There were some interesting interactions," Maya backpedaled so as not to discourage the poor girl.  The universe wasn't that bad of a place; it just looked like it right now.  "I'm sure you would have enjoyed yourself." 

And I would have enjoyed myself too, because I would have been watching over you instead of being assaulted by Phanatos Kilinvoss she added silently.  I could have been watching you bloom with motherly pride instead of being pruned like a dead branch.  It was times like that when Maya's mother was proven right.  The V'tosh ka'tur were wrong, at least some of the time.  Sometimes it was best just to suppress your feelings and pretend you didn't have them.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #47 –
Lahkesis Saugn | Sickbay


"Sounds unpleasant," Lahkesis replied as she pulled a face, though it quickly disappeared as she felt the Vulcan work over her back, the feeling of her working over the smooth skin over her spine forced a soft moan out of her lips. She could not dwell the thought of the brutish fighter jocks when they were on the prowl when there was a sweet Vulcan hitting every sweet spot on her spine. "I would hate to imagine it. Perhaps if I were there It would have been a good idea to carry a phaser." She let out a chuckle, but was interrupted when she felt Maya hit another sweet spot, sending a shudder up her spine and eliciting a low moan.

A blush was starting to creep across her face, she was almost completely unaware of it, but the massage was starting to arouse her. "You know you really don't have to do this, I've sure a sonic shower on a higher setting and some yoga would have worked all the kinks out," she said as the tips of her hairs began to glow, faintly, almost unnoticeably. "Not that I'm complaining..."

Though tension was almost completely gone from her back she was now nothing more than floral smelling gooey putty in the hands of a master. Her eyes slowly began to drop as a sigh escaped her soft pink lips. It was defiantly an interesting sensation, thus far she had only ever experience any feeling like this when she experimenting with her sexuality.

Suddenly she pulled away, moving forward and climbing out of the tank. Her face was flushed and she looked, for lack of a better phrase, hot and bothered. "S-sorry... I'm a little... I think I should... I don't know..." She looked more than a little confused. As she stood there she awkwardly folded her arms across her breasts seemingly embarrassed suddenly.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #48 –
Incredibly, Lahkesis was responding to Maya's touch as if she was getting sexually aroused. This would be a wonderful development if it were true because it would be one less thing that would isolate the girl.  Sexuality was a glue that held social units together for the majority of species aboard the Theurgy and any development that allowed Lahkesis to get closer to her shipmates was a good one.  If the girl really was developing a mammalian style reproductive drive she would no doubt have many questions.  It was fortunate that Maya was a trained sexual therapist specializing in sexual surrogacy.  If anyone on the ship could guide her safely, it was probably Maya.

"You know you really don't have to do this," Lahkesis said.  "I'm sure a sonic shower on a higher setting and some yoga would have worked all the kinks out.  Not that I'm complaining..."

"Nonsense Lahkesis," Maya assured her.  "Vulcan neuropressure can be very therapeutic," she added without specifying just who the treatment would be therapeutic for.

From a certain angle Maya's face appeared to be smiling when she noticed that each of the Lahkesis' hairs were faintly glowing at the very tips.  The willowy intern was so adorable when she was like this that it took effort for Maya not to allow her mezzofrontal cortex to neutralize her emotions.  As she breathed in the heady floral scent Lahkesis was emitting, the little Vulcan finally understood why so many species laugh.  When the girl sighed in arousal, Maya sighed in contentment.

Abruptly the young intern slid forward and climbed out of the isolation tank.  The crimson sap was flushing under her delicate white skin.   "S-sorry... I'm a little... I think I should... I don't know..." she stammered before covering her chest and fidgeting.  

"Are you cold?" Maya asked, wondering how that could be.  The little Vulcan had increased the ambient temperature of the room before beginning her meditation.  Many species would feel quite comfortable wearing little to nothing in the isolation chamber right now. 

Maya lowered her mental barriers and blushed a greenish tint when she encountered Lahkesis' embarrassment.   The little Vulcan may have been a touch telepath, but she was psychically sensitive enough to sense the emotions of someone within three meters of her.  "Lahkesis, what's wrong?  Is something bothering you?  Let me help you.  You know you can talk to me about anything.  I promise I won't laugh," she said with a straight face.

Re: Chapter 03: The Captain of My Soul [03: Pain & Guilt]

Reply #49 –
Lahkesis Saugn | Sickbay

Uncomfortably Lahkesis shifted her weight from one foot to the other and back again. Her mind was racing with possibilities as to why her body had reacted like that to the other woman had been touching her. Sexual arousal was something completely new to her and thus far she had only been sexually aroused by observing others engage in sexual activity, whether in person or by watching recordings of it on a PADD. To actually be sexually excited like that by the touch of another person was something totally new to her.

She could feel the thin fluid akin to blood flow through the thin veins in her plant like body. It served three valuable functions, firstly it brought in carbon dioxide and took out oxygen, next it brought nutrients into her body to allow her body energy to burn as she moved, and lastly it regulated her temperature. Standing there she could feel the pulse of fluid had increased, something that usually happened as part of her fight or flight impulse, though it seemed to be doing it for a completely different reason this time.

She searched her mind for something to say, some way to explain that she was reacting to the neuropressure massage by becoming sexually excited. Though she had no reason to she found herself feeling exposed and humiliated. She had been given Vulcan Neuropressure massages in the past, but had never had this type of reaction before. Though it had been some time, the last time had been before the encounter with the Ishtar entity. Had that incident altered her? She had experienced increased sexuality sense then. It had seemed like the other members of the crew had recovered nicely since then, why was she any different?

Finally she knew that she would have to say something. "I don't know how to say... I am... I don't..." She tried to begin, but the words got lost. "I just..." She gave up on talking and just gave the Vulcan a pleading look, she had no clue how to express how she was feeling or why she was feeling this way. All she could hope was that somehow the other woman would somehow just know what was wrong.
 
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