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Day 17 [1400 hrs] Where is your head at?

[Ens. Talia ‘Shadow’ Al-Ibrahim | FAB Briefing Room | Deck 16 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy] Attn: @Pierce
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There were times when she'd looked forward to the review sessions after an OP, and there were times like this when she'd rather just start all over again. After action reviews were intended as an open floor for each pilot to review the other, pointing out mistakes and lessons learned for the benefit of all. It was an essential, practical exercise – one that kept egos in check and promoted cohesion – for at the end of the day, everyone made mistakes. Talia was certainly no exception.

And yet, something had been off with her wingman.
 
She’d noticed it during pre-flight, an odd tension that lingered while Talia had reviewed their flight plan and objectives; it hung in the air between them, unspoken. Having only met Goldeneye briefly in passing, little more than a courteous greeting really, Talia didn’t feel comfortable voicing her concern at the time.

Mistake number one, ace, she growled to herself.

She leaned her hip against the raised platform, facing the entrance to the room with her back to the podium; the long drape of her hair pulled up into a frazzled ponytail. Talia's face was set in stone, arms crossed under the bust of her uniform; waiting, while she forced the poisonous irritation eating at her mind down into the depths of her being, with all the other bullshit. Breathing helped, but try as she might, she couldn’t get the body to relax; she was less than pleased with her own performance, but had expected more from a veteran Wolf.

Talia had done her homework on Goldeneye, along with all the others, once she’d been assigned to a flight. Reading a record wasn’t the same as knowing her though. Only time and experience would teach that.

Still.

Questions about Goldeneye bloomed in her mind, becoming more bitter and irrational by the second. Was this how she was trained? Thrown to the deep end to swim or drown? Did she throw the run on purpose? Was she not taking it seriously? Why would she do that?

On the Diamondback, as a nugget, Talia flew every sim with her respective wingman. Time and effort were given to ensure familiarity and understanding, not only of their strengths and weaknesses as pilots, but also their ability to mesh and operate as a team. Here, time was a luxury – an unknown blade at their throats. Talia couldn’t help but remind herself then of how much she’d wasted over the past two weeks, fucking off, when she should have been working. She slaughtered that idiotic notion swiftly – knowing it was insane.

Don’t start with your bullshit, she told herself, angry at feeling guilty. I swear, if anyone knew how crazy you really are, they’d never let you touch a damn fighter again.

Pressure. Stress. Hours of boredom punctuated by moments of exhaustive, adrenaline-soaked life and death reaction. That was the life of a fighter pilot. That was the life she chose, that she lived for. Talia was pretty sure that was the life she’d die for as well; but she refused to go out due to a mistake she made, or even worse, putting others at risk. Her irritation turned blacker, souring into something worse at the thought.

Dark eyes snapped open at the sound of the door opening; Talia hadn’t even realized she’d closed them. Remaining where she was, watching impassively, she offered a curt nod at her fellow Wolf. It was time to have a chat, and with the situation being what it was, with her Qual flights due in days, Talia wasn’t pulling her punches.

“Before we begin,” she lifted a hand from her bicep, dark eyes locked onto the other pilot’s, “I realize it’s too late to change that shit-show of a OP we just ran – but if you have something on your chest, or some beef with me, or whatever – we need to hash it out, right now.” Rank be damned, seniority too. There was a time for all that, and there was a time for brutal, blunt honesty. She’d managed to keep the edge of anger from her tone, the words laced in ice instead of fire; not intended to provoke, but unable to be ignored. Whatever happened next, she knew would affect their understanding of one another for a long time.

Re: Day 17 [1400 hrs] Where is your head at?

Reply #1 –
[ Lt. JG Tessa May Lance | FAB Briefing Room | Deck 16 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy] Attn: @Dumedion [Show/Hide]

Frustration was all that Tessa felt at the moment. Frustration in herself, and how she flew her Valkyrie. If this were a real firefight, she'd have died for sure. But this wasn't, thankfully. She wasn't sure how she was going to manage if she was honest with herself. Much of her time was spent enjoying the shore leave especially since she crashed her own Valkyrie and had it subsequently repaired by Scruffy. It wasn't all Scruffy repaired with her, but it was a start. She felt in some small way she'd let him and the now departed Kate down as well.

She could feel the air of the flight that she'd done with Talia also known as Shadow. And what's worse is she knew she let her wingman down too. She just wondered what the point of it all was anymore.

The review between comrades had to happen now and despite her being the senior officer and the one with more flight time on this ship and others, and an earlier training at MIMAS Station, the other woman bested her. By a large margin.

Her hair was frazzled after being in a helmet and it was thankfully decently short at shoulder length, so not too much to be in the way but not too little for framing her face. Sadness and tiredness crept into her face as she stumbled into the room. Shadow already present near the podium. She was dreading this more than she likely should be. Decidedly, she broke the ice.

“Before we begin, I realize it’s too late to change that shit-show of a OP we just ran – but if you have something on your chest, or some beef with me, or whatever – we need to hash it out, right now."

"Look Talia, I'm sorry about my performance out there. If you'd seen me in the past few firefights, I was much better." She said with a weakened smile.

She felt the disappointment in the air from her fellow Lone Wolf. There were facial reactions that went from various stages of irritation, only adding to Lance's own depressive state.

"I'm normally a better shot and crazy flyer, I...I just haven't been myself as of late." She walked over to the table and sat down. Attempting to keep her composure in check.

"Now, normally being your superior officer, I'd cut you down on the fighters. But since I deserve what I'm getting, it only makes sense." She took a deep breath and attempted to stay calm which was something she wasn't used to with her normally bubbly demeanor.

"Long story short, I was seeing this doctor before we left Aldea. We grew closer on some fun adrenaline junkie holos and then I came near death at the Battle of the Houses at Qo'nos. I literally crashed my Valkyrie into the fighter bay after loosing control from multiple Bird of Prey hits to my propulsion and guidance systems. After I woke up, I was in sickbay in a medbay being treated by my...errr...close friend. She saved my life for a second time. After that, we spent more time together, another holo adventure and then she was killed suddenly planetside by some angry Klingons. I...I...never got to say goodbye and show her more how I felt about her...." Tessa whimpered as she buried her face in one of her hands holding back the sobs.

Tessa straightened up some. And cleared the tears welling and running down her face. "What's worse is I and Scruffy got my Valkyrie upgraded and battle ready but I haven't flown her since she'd been rebuilt after my crash. I wasn't trained this way. When I was on MIMAS, I lost another friend, who just recently resurfaced here of all places. She was thought to be killed during the Dominion War and come to find out she was a P.O.W. and captured but not before I got away with intel we took from the Breen in Sector 001 during our training lockdown. I was then a pilot on various ships until here where I've scraped by and lived by the seat of my pants ever since. Luckily not dying. But if I go, I want it to be on my own terms and out there, in a blaze of glory, defending my comrades and fellow wolves."

She stood up and walked to a replicator and grabbed a drink. "Want some?" She said grabbing a pre-programmed synthehol drink. "I've read your record too. You're really good. You...deserve better out there..."

Tessa thought about all the hours she'd spent screwing off when not on duty. All the time she'd wasted on account of her dead lover. It was maddening to her that Kate went out so...poorly of all ways to die. Nevertheless, she had to do better. Had to help her fellow Wolves and not cause them to die a pointless death either. She clenched the glass as she fought back more tears and anger. Ranges of emotions she'd not had to deal with since the last death before her arrival at Aldea. From when she had her emotional state rearranged like a game of Jenga in her mind to restack her to competency again. She wanted the fun and adventure back in her life.

Re: Day 17 [1400 hrs] Where is your head at?

Reply #2 –
[Ens. Talia ‘Shadow’ Al-Ibrahim | FAB Briefing Room | Deck 16 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy] Attn: @Pierce
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This is why you don’t let people close, Talia thought in the silence that reigned between them, following Goldeneye’s emotional outpouring. While part of her sympathized, she found herself growing even more annoyed as she listened. The raven haired Wolf had had her share of flings – recent and otherwise – but to allow herself to become emotionally attached, no matter how much she’d like to, led to...well, it led to this.

All of it put her in a damned awkward position; she was a fighter pilot, not a councilor, yet here she was. Her eyes blinked slowly, trying to maintain a neutral expression while gathering her thoughts. Knowing what she wanted to say, but unsure how to say it made her hesitate. Just be honest. Stop thinking and just be honest, she growled at herself, kicking off the edge of the stage to prowl towards Tessa’s table.

"Listen," Talia breathed, leaning her hands against the table. Her eyes never left Tessa’s. “Right now, I don’t care how sorry you are, how you ‘normally’ fly, or how many pips you have on your collar – cause we’re dead,” she stated flatly, lifting her chin at the last. “And they might be too,” she jerked her head to the side, out towards the bay. “You can sit there and give me your life story all day, but it doesn’t change shit.”

She held her hand up. “Just listen,” Talia continued. “I sympathize – I do,” she nodded, “but you know better than I do what’s waiting out there. You know the risks. You know the odds. You know that out there, all we have is each other. Trust, in each other, in the pack, in ourselves. I need you, Goldeneye,” she almost hissed, her tone emphasizing the need for the pilot she was, not the emotional mess she’d allowed herself to become. “I need the Wolf that landed that impossible Plan-B,” she pushed off the table, clenching her jaw as she paced. “Otherwise we’re just wasting our fucking time, aren’t we,” she shook her head.

“I’m sorry about your friend,” she sighed, slowing to stand with her hands on her hips. “You and I both know it wont be the last time it happens,” she added quietly. She broke her eyes away for a second, letting her words sink in, hoping to kindle any kind of reaction to pull the blonde from despair. Anger was more useful, as far as Talia was concerned. Anger was more easy to deal with than a broken heart. Given everything she’d seen in how people dealt with it – either becoming an emotional train-wreck or a wandering void, seeking night after night of meaningless flings – Talia judged the whole endeavor far more trouble than it was worth. This is why you don’t let people close, she told herself again, before turning her eyes back to her wingman. Talia felt no guilt for the words she'd spoken. Her intent was to motivate, and if the roles were reversed, she'd expect the same kick in the ass from the entire squadron.

Re: Day 17 [1400 hrs] Where is your head at?

Reply #3 –
[ Lt. JG Tessa May Lance | FAB Briefing Room | Deck 16 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy] Attn: @Dumedion [Show/Hide]

Listening to this was hard for Tessa. Having someone tell her yet again to grow up and put her big girl pants on. It wasn't right, but what could she do? There wasn't much but defend the living and avenge the dead. This unneeded war was all a part of that now. Something that her life had been leading her up to this point. She could tell the pilot before her was annoyed by her speaking, by her demeanor, by her physical reactions.

"You're right Shadow. Really you are. If I was a mess like this out there, I am a flight risk. To you, to the Wolves, to the ship and crew. I can do better." The thoughts rang throughout her person as she drank some more from her glass and took the verbal beating that she was getting. It to some degree gave her a depressed feeling but at the same token began to give her an emotion she hadn't felt in some time...anger and frustration.

"But your problem, is that you don't feel anything, do you? Yes, I suffered a death, it's still fresh. So forgive me that. But if you want a real show of how I perform, I can show you. Yes, my actions could have killed us, but thankfully this was a simulation. One that isn't programmed for optimal combat either."

She huffed and breathed in again before responding. "And I thank you for your sympathy and I know it won't be the last time. It was just the most recent casualty of a war we shouldn't even be fighting!" She yelled in anger. Outbursts that pissed her off more than anything as she raised the glass and launched it like a baseball player up to pitch. The glass flew with the liquid somehow staying put before bursting against the opposing wall, spraying shards of glass and drink everywhere against it.

"Agggahhhh!" She yelled before slowing her breathing. The emotions running through her only made her irritated but cognitive of the damage to her psyche. "Alright. Let's figure this out then." She paced the room and walked up to Shadow. Inspecting the other woman as she looked slightly down. "Time to show me what you have, and for me to show you what I have." She said with a quick smirk.

The anger still flowing but the adrenaline pumping. "We need to avenge our comrades. Holy smokes this sucks. When it's all over, I am leaving the Valkyries behind. But while we're on this ship, this mission. I will fight for everyone we've lost and everyone who is left here."

Determination struck her. Not that she wasn't still broken, but the kick in the pants only fueled her.

Re: Day 17 [1400 hrs] Where is your head at?

Reply #4 –
[Ens. Talia ‘Shadow’ Al-Ibrahim | FAB Briefing Room | Deck 16 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy] Attn: @Pierce
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She watched Tessa’s tirade in silence, still and cold as a statue. The attempt to ignite some fire in the blonde seemed to work, but in the end – from what Talia could see – it appeared paper thin. The blonde’s feeble attack on someone she barely knew revealed how immature she was, but the words still stung Talia more than she’d ever allow to be seen. The raven haired Wolf let her eyes narrow, nostrils flaring as she took a deep breath, holding herself still. It took considerable self-control not to slap the smirk off Goldeneye’s face, because everything the woman said just seemed to irritate her further.

Talia fought for the living. The dead had seen the end of their problems. Remember them, honor them, avenge them if you can, but the living kept her going. The profession she chose served a simple, uncomplicated objective: kill the enemy before they kill you, so you can keep fighting. It was that fucking simple. She trained how she fought, putting everything she had into it, because her life depended on it.

Tessa obviously wasn’t getting the point. All her talk of ‘scraping by’ and ‘dying on her own terms in a blaze of glory’ sounded like lines from a cheap holo-vid, not the weary resolve of a veteran combat pilot.

She can’t see past her own pain.

Talia realized then that she wasn’t going to reach through to her. She’d said her peace, made her point, but this woman was in too much pain to see beyond it – to see that Talia was trying to save her life, and by extension, everyone that depended on them.

Perhaps if she hadn’t been frozen for the past six months, Talia could understand better. She’d seen it in Ghost, in Victor – Corsair, now – the months of running, the attrition, the burden of losing so many people. And yet, the brittle resolve she saw in Tessa then was anathema to her. Once committed, Talia put everything of herself in play; body, heart and soul. She was in this fight because it had to be fought, because who the hell else was going to fight it?

And here was this broken woman before her, weakened by the choices she made and the cruel hand of fate.

Could she, herself, endure that pain? Talia had seen her mother and sister crushed to death before her eyes as a child. Seen the mangled bodies of friends and teachers pulled from the rubble of the Academy after the Breen attack. She was quite familiar with loss, tragedy, and regret; but to lose someone she allowed into her heart? Someone that knew her, really knew her?

She didn’t know. Even the hardest hearts can chip and shatter. Talia refused to dwell on it further, swallowing her emotions right then and there. She had work to do.

“Get your head sorted, Lieutenant,” Talia shook her head at Tessa, stepping back and to the side, around her. “You’re in no shape to fight anything right now, least of all me,” she added coldly, walking away towards the door. “Try not to cut yourself cleaning that shit up,” she gestured to the shattered mess the blonde made on the wall, without looking back. “I’ll be in the sim.”

Re: Day 17 [1400 hrs] Where is your head at?

Reply #5 –
[ Lt. JG Tessa May Lance | FAB Briefing Room | Deck 16 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy] Attn: @Dumedion [Show/Hide]

Now, now Tessa was really angry. The other woman belittling her right in front of her. It was one thing for her friends to do it, but this no named gnashgab who thinks she can just waltz in out of nowhere and belittle the battle veteran wolves has another thing coming. The smug look of the other woman made her want to bitch-slap the other one with her fighter helmet and see the teeth spray across the floor like the glass did.

She didn't know what trauma this woman had, this Shadow of her former self, but Goldeneye would be damned if she let this person tell her who she was. She rolled her eyes and chewed on the sides of her cheek to present some level of decorum but being a Lieutenant, even Junior grade gave her a leg up. Not much, but enough.

“Get your head sorted, Lieutenant. You’re in no shape to fight anything right now, least of all me. Try not to cut yourself cleaning that shit up. I’ll be in the sim.”

Anger seethed further in Tessa's chest as she listened to those final blows to her already bruised and battered ego. "Hold up bitch! You don't just get to waltz in here and decide how I or any of the other Wolves feel. You have no idea what we've gone through since you took a popsicle nap. And as your superior officer, you can ride shotgun." She left the mess and walked up to Shadow, and shoved her out of the way, giving her the cold shoulder as she walked into the sim again, placing her helmet back on her head.

"You want crazy? You want the real Goldeneye? Just wait...Computer, activate Program Tessa Omega III"

ACCESSING....ARE YOU SURE YOU WOULD LIKE TO ACTIVATE PROGRAM? EXTREME DIFFICULTY AND TRAUMA MAY BE INDUCED...

Taking a deep breath, Tessa nodded her head as if anyone could see it. "Yes." She said loud enough for the system to acknowledge it. Turning to Shadow, she spoke loudly as she saw the flight deck materialize before her. Her original Valkyrie appeared as well. "Jump into a fighter. Doesn't matter which as the computer will fill it out. Let's see what your training is actually worth Ensign." She said sarcastically back at the shorter woman.

WARNING, BORG FLEET INCOMING! ALL CREW TO BATTLE STATIONS! ALL WOLVES TO THEIR FIGHTERS! Came over the intercom.

"Holy smokes, this is heavy!" She yelled with adrenaline spiking and excitement as well as fear, but knowing she made it out once before. She wondered how well Shadow would take this mission or if she'd panic somewhat. After-all, it's not like she lived through this event to know the events. Most of the Wolves didn't talk about it that remained due to the trauma they all suffered. If Talia wanted to be a Lone Wolve, she needed to be fight like one too.

Tessa jumped into her fighter, closed the cockpit and fired the ignition. This was going to be a bumpy ride, once again.

OOC: Tessa is going to have her live through the Battle of the Apertures where a third of the Wolves died.

Re: Day 17 [1400 hrs] Where is your head at?

Reply #6 –
[Ens. Talia ‘Shadow’ Al-Ibrahim | FAB Simulator | Deck 16 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy] Attn: @Pierce
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Talia followed her wingman into the sim with her jaw clenched tight; she was past the point of words. Tessa couldn’t know the fact that ever since Shadow had thawed she’d spent every waking hour pouring over battle reports, watching helm footage; learning as much as she could of the events that had transpired in the six months she’d missed. Ever since Rawley had come to her room the day after she’d woken up and kicked her ass in gear. Tessa was one of the last original Wolves, just like Ghost; she’d lived through it all, by skill, luck, or some cosmic combination of the two. Talia needed to see why.

Fucking show me, her eyes glared at the blonde before pulling her helm on. She never said a word, even after the red alert. What was there to say? If Goldeneye was trying to provoke her, then she was in for a disappointment; Talia was already livid. Opening her mouth until she calmed down would only make matters worse, for both of them. Was she trying to teach her something, by showing her that death waited for them out in the stars? That was a forgone conclusion – not a revelation. Talia shook her head as Tessa jaunted off. You really know how to bring out the best in people, ace, she growled to herself. None of that mattered now, though. She had an idea what was in store, and forced herself to focus on surviving it.

Ride shotgun my ass, Talia fumed as she jogged to the nearest Valkyrie and climbed up, noting the decal on the fuselage; Wolf-08. Her hands moved in a practiced sequence as the canopy dropped and the ship powered up, flicking her eyes over Tessa's ship as she started to taxi. The distorted coms chatter of the Wolves filled her helm; calling out maneuvers, targets, damage. It sounded to her like the they were trying to make for the Cayuga, whatever that was, using the scattered debris of the decimated Klingon fleet as cover and engaging where they could. The cube had been disabled by an unconventional cyber attack only moments ago, but now had adapted; destroying or disabling the few Klingon ships in the fight, leaving only the Theurgy, Cayuga, and the Wolves.

“Shadow, up and ready,” Talia announced, letting her hand idle on the throttle assembly as she watched Tessa taxi up. “Your show, Goldeneye. Say when,” she added on a private frequency, keeping her voice flat and icy. She’d pushed her fellow Wolf enough, and had no desire to see things escalate between them any more than they already had. Talia doubted that they’d ever like each other after this, but they still had to work together. She received an acknowledgement blip as her wingman throttled up, blasting out into the thick, blue void beyond. Fuck it, Talia ground her teeth, slamming her throttle wide open an instant later.

What followed would stay with her for the rest of her life - a priceless lesson, learned the hard way.

Talia had earned her callsign during her one and only combat op; an escort mission. She’d played it overly cautious, sticking to her escort and letting her wingman execute the majority of the action to neutralize the enemy. She’d never left a wingman – she’d never flown against a single enemy fighter – and certainly never against the Borg.

Reading and studying helm footage was one thing; living it was something else entirely.

The hauntingly beautiful blue nebula had been turned into a graveyard of wrecked, lifeless debris – a morbid halo of death and destruction – orbiting the scarred, immense hulk of the slowly rotating cube. Talia took it in with a glance as she fought to keep up with Tessa, burning hard towards the shattered wreck of what was once a Klingon battle-cruiser. Emerald streams of energy, mixed with orange and pulses of red, flashed like strobes across the azure background beyond her cockpit. Fuck me, she cursed; Tessa was flying like a woman stripped of all reason – she twisted and dived under the sparking remnant of a B’rel, using it as a shield just as a blinding lance of fire from the cube cut through its wing – the shields of her Valkyrie alight as it scraped against the wreckage, leaving a trail of sparks and lightning in her wake. Talia blinked, rolling her bird into the same maneuver with a grimace. There was no time to think, no time to analyze. The B’rel rotated under fire and her belly skidded along the hull, as alarms flashed and sounded around her. She swore, but pulled out in time to roll over and out, off Tessa’s port wing. Her shields had taken a hit, and were regenerating – but there was no time to think about that either. The cube fired again, pulses of lancing fire all around them as the pair twisted and rolled as one, circling each other and the incoming beams of emerald fire. Her eyes caught a pair of Valkyries opening up on another B’rel – shattering the assimilated ship with a concentrated volley of torpedo and cannon fire – as she followed Tessa up and over the drifting wreck of a Vorcha battleship.

The chatter was deafening; a constant stream of multiple voices – most she’d never heard. Orders changed by the second; from attempting to rescue Klingon escape pods, to killing assimilated Klingon ships, to someone named Dragon desperately hailing them all and the Wolves engaging the cube in a free-for-all. Time ceased to hold any meaning; Talia was sweating now, flying with everything she had in a desperate attempt just to keep up with it all. Tessa was throwing everything she had into a strafing run on the cube, and Talia followed suit, rolling under a tractor beam, firing as she went. Someone was screaming in her ears – then static, as the sim froze. Shadow found herself bathed in the blue-green light of a Borg tractor beam, ready to be sliced apart. “Fuck,” she hissed through trembling lips, furious at herself.

She swallowed the sobs threatening to bubble up from her throat, jaw clenching as she blinked sweat and tears from her eyes. Around her, silence reigned, even as her eyes drank in the chaotic scene. The Wolves of the past, fighting for their lives, dying around her. Off in the distance, the Theurgy was a scarred, limping animal, wounded almost to death. A monster of a vessel she’d never seen had appeared above, facing down the cube with almost grim finality. This is the moment it turned. After so much sacrifice – so much death, she knew, blinking as Tessa ended the program.

She stood on the yellow and black grid, pulling the helm from her head as she drew ragged breaths in, unable to meet Tessa’s eyes. Talia’s lips trembled as her face twitched, fighting to contain her emotions. Unable to recall how long they’d been flying, knowing only that she felt exhausted – mentally, physically – her hold on the carefully constructed mask she wore was slipping.

This was never about her. This was about you – fear of falling into her pain turned to anger against something you don’t understand. Talia shook her head at herself, sniffing wetly. How can you judge her for seeking something you’ve chosen to avoid, after everything she’s been through? What fucking right do you have to judge anyone?! Yet you do it – again and again. When will you fucking learn?

“I…,” her voice cracked, forcing her to clear it. “I was wrong, Tessa,” she spoke aloud, taking a final deep breath before turning her dark eyes to the blonde at her side. “Lieutenant,” Talia nodded, wiping the sweat tears from her face. “I was out of line, saying what I said,'' she continued, then waved her helm in a weak gesture around them. “I wasn’t there – when I should have – and I’m sorry for that, too.”

Re: Day 17 [1400 hrs] Where is your head at?

Reply #7 –
[ Lt. JG Tessa May Lance | FAB Simulator | Deck 16 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy] Attn: @Dumedion [Show/Hide]

Tessa wasn't trying to undercut her sparring partner, but Shadow didn't realize the havoc that the rest had lived through in her cold slumber. As unfortunate as it was the circumstances that landed the woman there, Tessa had lived it and other gruesome events that coddled her mind and made her crumble beneath it. So much death in so short a time had nearly destroyed her both in mind and body. But seeing new Wolves join the ranks and not know the things that the few remaining ones went through meant that they were at the disadvantage. And to judge another was hard, especially living in the others shoes.

She noted that Shadow climbed into the cockpit of Wolf-08 and couldn't remember that specific wolf but also remembered that most of them died. Sad as it was. Flying in this death toll the first time was hard. Watching it as an active spectator the second knowing she'd live, that was hard too. Her adrenaline pumped as she watched several Wolves gunned down between the renegade ships, the Klingons and then the Borg. It was a all out death blow. Greens, blues, orange lasers all shot amongst them and across their bow.

Carefully, Tessa didn't acknowledge the woman, allowing her to feel as alone as they felt that day. No good way to communicate, partial death to the sensors in the nebula and too many missing to count. She wanted to give Talia the full effect. Thankfully the woman would live through it unlike so many others but she would respect them for it. That's all Tessa wanted from her was the respect for having lived. And avenged her comrades despite it all. Even the battle of Qo'nos, they lost another Wolf to the fight that gave it all to save her and others. The mission and the pact always together. Always covering their backs and saving the many at the sacrifice of one. Something she didn't realize until today and Shadow hopefully would see too.

Her Valkyrie weaved in and out of the rapid-fire shots in the blue hue of the nebula, as Talia attempted to keep up, Tessa dodged the blasts. Firing with all that reckless abandon she did the first time, but with renewed vigor in knowing the results which eased her some. She only hoped this didn't destroy the determined woman she met in the other room. Did she mean to scare her? Somewhat. But she wasn't one to hold a grudge.

The Borg vessel fired shot after shot on them as it connected to scrape the metal on their smaller ships, crushing others and nearly riding the defeat, when all hope was lost. She fought on, taking barrel rolls near the cube, dodging with a thoughtless peace as she felt the controls once more. Was in tune with them and finally fired again. Remembering that Lillee was by her side in that fight and was to be connected to the tractor beam soon, that is before Tessa was there to break that loose. But the damage still happened.

The screams on the comms and her fellow wolves deafening silence rang still like it was yesterday. Explosions littered the vastness of space around them. And then, it happened. The Savi freighter arrived with the Captain as her pilot. Plowing a hole in the cube and giving them the fighting chance they needed to survive. She saw the terror on Talia's face now. The look they all had as they had therapy sessions to cope with the massive death toll. That riddled her to a mere mental vegetable for a time. That she had to create this to cope and to relive it to know she did what could be done and survived it. She was lucky. Talia was caught by the Borg's tractor as it began slicing her own Valkyrie.

"Computer. End program."

The yellow and black grid materialized before them as they stood on solid ground again. Tessa took off her helmet and allowed the other woman to do the same. She was shaken. But Tessa could feel the empathy well within her. The sadness of that day and how she was able to share it with a fellow Wolf who never got the chance to make a difference. Who no doubt felt the pain of not being there, not getting to experience it with the rest who survived. Tessa's heart warmed as she smiled weakly at the other woman, glancing at her scarred soul and the face that showed it.

Yet through it all, they had survived. Theurgy had survived and with it, hope for the Federation and the galaxy as a whole. Tessa leaned forward and grabbed the helmet from her fellow Wolf to avoid it dropping to the ground placing it back in her hand firmly.

“I… I was wrong, Tessa. Lieutenant. I was out of line, saying what I said. I wasn’t there – when I should have – and I’m sorry for that, too.”

Tessa looked at her softly as Talia looked back, tears running down her face. "No Talia, you were right about me. I did need the pep talk. I was moping about. But you reminded me what it was like to be a Wolf. A part of the pack. We have each other's backs. Always." Tessa reached over to the other woman whether she wanted it or not and hugged her tightly. "And you're wrong. You were there."

She released her from the hug as to not frustrate Shadow. A chipper smile striking her face. "Let's have a do-over." Reaching out her hand for a handshake. "I'm Tessa May Lance, aka Goldeneye. And I'm glad to have you as part of our pack."

She smiled back at her fellow pilot and hoped they could put behind them the spat before the sim. "Wanna go get that drink? I think you can use it now. Besides, I have a glass to cleanup if Thea hasn't already." She laughed as she led Shadow back into the Briefing Room.

"Got to be honest, that's the most fun I've had in weeks. Thanks Talia for the wakeup call."

Re: Day 17 [1400 hrs] Where is your head at?

Reply #8 –
[Ens. Talia ‘Shadow’ Al-Ibrahim| FAB Briefing Room | Deck 16 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy] Attn: @Pierce
[Show/Hide]
She’d expected – deserved – Tessa’s scorn, given the gross misjudgment thrown at her earlier; once again, Talia was shown how little she knew the woman. Even though the blonde had every reason to rake Shadow right over the coals, she didn’t. Talia felt her body tense on instinct from the embrace and from her sister Wolf’s kindness, feeling unworthy of both. Taking Tessa’s hand, Talia nodded, meeting her eyes as she murmured her name in return with a small smile.

She tried to understand how she’d allowed her anger to throw everything off. Yes, she was under pressure and stress, with time running out. That didn’t justify anything. Talia felt her cheeks burn with shame and embarrassment at the way she’d treated Tessa, even as the woman proclaimed her appreciation for it. I’m not doing that again, she promised herself, following her wingman back to the briefing room.

While the prospect of a drink was tempting, she knew it wasn’t a good idea, not this close to her quals. Talia shook her head as they walked, smirking at Tessa’s idea of ‘fun’. “Could murder a drink right now, but I can’t – first round of finals start tomorrow,” she sighed then, running a hand through sweat slicked hair, eyes wide, still trying to process everything. “I’ve never seen anything like that – didn’t even know those maneuvers were possible. I’ve never pushed anything that hard before,” she shook her head, “never even tried.”

Even if they’d survived the fight, their fighters would be down for extended maintenance for days to recover from the stress to the thrusters alone – never mind the rest. They’d thrown almost every operational threshold out the window, flying on instinct, going against everything Talia had been taught and how she flew. Why isn’t this shit being taught, she wondered, as everything she knew shifted into new parameters of thinking. Her entire career as a pilot, she’d flown under the pretense that adherence to procedure and operational standards was the highest achievement possible; the golden line of perfection she sought. Yet Tessa had thrown that sacred text to the void, blending order and chaos into a wild, unpredictable combination of both. It took everything I had just to keep up, she shook her head again.

Dark brown eyes looked to Tessa again, lifting her chin to the blonde. “Do you have more programs like that,” Talia asked, even as her stomach spoke up in an angry growl of protest. She winced, checking the chrono, then cursed for skipping breakfast. “I need to eat something. Meet you in the den,” she asked, intent on heading to the lockers to stow her gear and wash up.

Re: Day 17 [1400 hrs] Where is your head at?

Reply #9 –
[ Lt. JG Tessa May Lance | FAB Briefing Room | Deck 16 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy] Attn: @Dumedion [Show/Hide]

Tessa could feel the internal strife of the other woman before her. The struggle to overcome, to stand tall and not let past tragedies affect her and it was crushing for her. She could see that Shadow was shaken both visibly and to her very core like the rest of the Wolves were during that event. But Tessa didn't know how else to bond with Talia for her aggressive and brash actions. So Tessa being ever the peacemaker was happy to oblige and to let her experience the events as they unfolded in her own holo of the events that helped her cope and strive for better.

And with the way she was treated on re-entry to the lounge the first time, Tessa decided to help the woman pass her tests and to overcome this obsticle. "You know, I was just as nervous as you are right now at my testing. Scared the hell out of me. Holy smokes does it not prepare you for what you'll actually encounter out here." She chuckled softening her face.

"When I arrived here, little did I know that I'd watch so many come and go, live and die. Mostly the Wolves but also the senior staff. It's a tough job that is mostly a...feeling over a teaching. Letting the ship become an extension of you is what makes it work. And then the teamwork of working as a unit is a experience that we all have to learn in the field."

She smiled at the decline of Talia's comment on the drinks. "Those maneuvers I did slightly differently in the initial fight but have learned that through practice in a situation where I wasn't going to die. But I have done those in real situations more recently. It's definitely tough girl. But I have no doubt you'll destroy this test! These little ships can take a pounding too!"

She thought back to her own near-death experience recently, bringing back the thoughts of Kate as she shook her head to get the images of that out of her mind for now. She had to be strong, to help her fellow Wolves be strong. Together.

Excitement hit the blond pilot as she heard her ask about more programs before running off to eat. Tessa followed her to the locker room and began to stow her gear too. Stripping off the exo-suit and helmet into her own cabinet before revealing a sweat covered t-shirt and pants underneath. She sniffed herself. "Wooo! Good idea on the washing up! I stink! And I'm hungry." She said as her stomach rumbled loudly.

Walking near the other pilot, Goldeneye smiled. "I have a few more." A devilish smile wrapped her face as she nudged Talia's rib. "I'll link those to you for trial later. But I think you're more than ready to tackle that test. Just remember the questions and how they want them answered and how you will actually survive. The rest is instinct."

Goldeneye, looked at the other woman's darker eyes with her own golden hues. Hoping the uplifting pep-talk gave the other Wolf a much needed boost in confidence. Tessa glanced at Talia and then proceeded to take the sweat-soaked t-shirt off and throw the wet rag to the ground, exposing her stomach and sportsbra. "Well, I certainly feel better! That thing was just...uncomfortable. Anyhow, I could go for some grub. I'll join you."

Hesitating as she followed her friend, she inquired more. "We've not really gotten to talk before but I always want to know about my fellow wolves. So, what's your story?"

Re: Day 17 [1400 hrs] Where is your head at?

Reply #10 –
[Ens. Talia ‘Shadow’ Al-Ibrahim | FAB Locker Room | Deck 16 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy] Attn: @Pierce
[Show/Hide]
Listening as they walked, Talia nodded; slightly amazed at Goldeneye’s ability to ‘switch emotional gears’. Shadow had been accurately labeled a ‘brooder’ in the past, tending to gnaw on perceived failings for far longer than her peers. The same was true for her moods – once soured or darkened, it took considerable effort to lift her spirits. Punishing herself in the gym usually helped. Usually.

She appreciated what Tessa was trying to do, however. Was she rattled a bit from what she’d seen? Yeah, who wouldn’t be? Nervous about the qual flights? Feels more like anxiety than nervousness, Talia lifted a shoulder. Same-same, I guess.

Once in the locker room, she’d wasted no time in pulling the exo-suit from her body and storing it; she even managed a small smirk when Tessa poked her ribs. Yet truthfully, she still struggled with the way she’d acted and spoken earlier – still processed what she’d seen in the sim –  which left her less than inclined for small talk. Yet she would try, for the sake of building on the rapport they had established so far. You can beat yourself up later, she growled at herself.

“Appreciate it,” Talia nodded subtly, offering a small smile to Tessa as she stowed the last of her gear. She’d take all the help she could get, preparing for the battles to come, but doubted the feeling of inadequacy she felt would fade until she proved herself. The reality of the situation was that despite all her efforts, Talia still had a lot to learn, and that would only come by doing. “I just want to get it over with,” she sighed, pulling the sweaty sports bra from her body, then wrapping herself in a towel. “I need to get out there. Get some time on the stick, for real,” she shook her head, frustrated at her own impatience. Her thumbs hooked into the sides of her panties and pulled them down in a smooth, quick motion before she gripped them in her toes and scooped them up, flinging them into a gym bag.

She ran her hands through her hair, then turned to head to the showers, shrugging at Tessa’s last question. “Not much to tell, really,” Talia murmured. “I flew mk II’s on the Diamondback for a couple years, then got accepted into the 409 program and transferred here,” she answered as she walked, gesturing around them. “Hadn’t even settled in when everything went sideways. Got myself blown up pretty good leaving Sol,” she frowned, pulling the shower stall open, then turned back to Tessa. “Ghost found me, got me to sickbay, and they put me on ice,” she chewed the inside of her cheek for a second. “Then I woke up here – missing six months of my life,” her dark eyes unfocused for a second, reliving the painful memory, before she blinked rapidly to refocus on Tessa. “That’s about it,” Talia shrugged again, turning from Tessa as she shed her towel and stepped into the shower. “What about you,” she called out as the water turned on. Stepping into the hot cascade, Talia released a long slow breath, and listened.

Re: Day 17 [1400 hrs] Where is your head at?

Reply #11 –
[ Lt. JG Tessa May Lance | FAB Briefing Room | Deck 16 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy] Attn: @Dumedion  [Show/Hide]

As she listened in to Talia's comments about the test and watched the other woman strip down to shower, she continued ripping her own sweat sopped clothing off and tossing it aside into a bag. Along with her own exo-suit which she dumped into her locker. Tessa grabbed a towel of her own and hung it up on the wall before answering Shadow's words about the test again.

"Honestly, I think you'll do just fine in the real test like you've done today. You have real skills but just need to let the feeling of the ship take over as you maneuver. It's about letting go. Some thought but mostly adrenaline and the feel of the Valkyries." She smiled as she pictured her own ship now that Scruffy and her repaired it since the last fight.

Glancing at Shadow, and listening to the story, she too climbed into her own shower and began washing off the stink of the mission. "I can see where that is ego busting and demoralizing Shadow. I'm sorry you had to go through that. But channel it for the test. You got this!" The feeling of empathy passed as she attempted to boost her fellow Wolf's spirits.

The question arrived to her own story. "Holy smokes is it a doozy. Well, I told you about MIMAs already in my blubbering." She smirked. "But what I didn't tell you was I was scared out of my mind, in a shuttle, watched my friend blown up or so I thought, and surrounded by Breen warships. Thankfully the transporter yanked me before it was destroyed. Buut after that, I was..."

Running her hands through her hair and rinsing the soap out of it, she washed her face before continuing. Water running down her bare skin and chest as she emerged for more conversation. Taking a quick breath she spoke once more with thoughtful words on her history.

"Well, after graduating with the rank of ensign, I spent a year aboard the USS James Kirk.  During this time my flight record was so impressive that I was handpicked to fly the Valkyrie Mark III prototype and join the the Lone Wolves Squadron aboard the Theurgy.  My commanding officer in charge of the Valkyrie Mark III program, Lieutenant Commander Jaru Rel, recommended me for a promotion to Lieutenant Junior Grade when my first tour with the Lone Wolves ended."

She paused. "But enough of my service record. The hard part was with the discovery of the parasitic infestation. I lost most of the people I cared about in from the flight crew in one day. All my friends and loved ones, were cut off. Then there was the Niga virus...be glad you weren't awake for that one..." A shiver shot down her spin as she shook. The feeling just making her want to be clothed quicker. Shutting off her shower, she stepped out and dried her golden hair before continuing down the rest of her body.

"Then there was the Ishtar, another don't ask incident. Then the USS Calamity attacked. Then we had the USS Harbinger, and there was a coup attempt, and then I had to help in the retaking of the bridge before another Lone Wolves battle. Lost a lot of close friends during all of it. When MacTavish, Slayton, zh'Idenna, T'Zantha fell in battle, I again withdrew into myself, spending most of my free time on the holodeck and avoiding even old shipmates."

She had a blank stare temporarily before shaking her head and beginning to put back on her clean underwear and bra. She grabbed the duty uniform from her locker and sat down after shimmying up her pants, and placing her socks and boots on.

""Then[/i] we had the battle against the Borg. Lots of counseling after that too into the trip to Aldea. And well, we're pretty much caught up. I mean the recent Klingon civil war for chancellor and all. But yeah, it's been a wild ride."[/color] She stated at last while putting her top half of her uniform on.

"All that to say, we're Starfleet! We can do anything. Especially the Wolf Pack! Tessa really didn't know if Talia wanted the readers digest version or her version which is a combination of the two. But either way, this was what Tessa spat out. "So in case you couldn't tell, they had to scramble my brains around..." She said pointed at her head with a wobble and odd motion. "And make me better able to cope but it's made me a better flyer because of it. I can hyper focus on the battlefield and shoot the bad guys... pew pew!" She said with finger guns going off.
 

Re: Day 17 [1400 hrs] Where is your head at?

Reply #12 –
[Ens. Talia ‘Shadow’ Al-Ibrahim | FAB Locker Room | Deck 16 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy] Attn: @Pierce
[Show/Hide]
She'd listened through it all while washing her hair, nodding even though there was no way for Tessa to see it. The story tracked with everything Ghost had told her, with the blonde’s personal perspective sprinkled on for flavor; not that she doubted Goldeneye – not anymore.

Unsure of what to say, Talia let Tessa continue. The name Jaru Rel rang a bell, just as it had with Rawley's retelling. The original SCO, the one she was searching for that day as the Theurgy fled Earth. She'd never got to meet him, or any of the Wolves that came before, and she never would. Somehow, that simple truth hurt more than seemed possible. Would it have made a difference, had she been there? Impossible to know, and pointless to consider. The past was the past.

She was here, now, though; unable to relate to anything they’d gone through, but still a Wolf, still a member of the pack – as Tessa had said before. The least she could do is listen, and try to understand.

I should be getting to know them, not…doing whatever I’m doing, she told herself. Nearly two weeks from cryo had passed in a blur; filled with misadventures, small triumphs, outright disasters and hilarious moments. This place is insane, she smirked at the thought, rinsing the shampoo from her hair then turning the shower off. Steam rolled from the stall after she opened the door, wrapping up in a towel to pat herself dry.

Tessa spoke of incidents she’d missed while on ice – again, tracking with what Ghost had informed her – but without the casualness that had irritated Talia so much. She noted the same faraway look in Goldeneye’s gaze though, when the blonde named her fallen friends. How long till that’s me, Talia couldn’t help but wonder as she padded across the cool tiled floor to her locker. Am I ready for that?

Tessa continued while she dressed, as Talia pulled another towel from her locker to dry her hair. The shift to humor at the end made her smirk, even while Shadow damned her own arrogant presumptions towards her fellow Wolf. The harshness of her words and actions earlier felt all the more shameful then, making her cheeks burn.

She deserves better. They all do.

“You’ve been through a lot,” Talia tilted her head at Tessa with a small smile at the blonde’s antics, letting her dark chocolate eyes meet golden ones with sincerity. “I’m glad you’re still here, still in the fight. I’ll do my best to keep it that way,” she grinned and winked at her wingman, then started to get dressed, forming a silent promise to herself. Never skip breakfast again, and give people a chance to explain themselves before jumping to conclusions – because your conclusions fucking suck.

Soon enough, Talia stood nearly dressed, pulling her duty jacket on then the towel from her hair, shaking it out over her shoulders as she followed Tessa towards the mess. Whatever happened tomorrow, happened. She felt ready – thanks to a firm chop to the ego followed by the remarkable kindness of the blonde walking beside her. It was time to embrace her place in the squadron, time to set a little more of the past behind. The pack is nothing without the Wolf, and the Wolf is nothing without the pack - Rawley’s words. Talia finally understood what they meant.

Entering the noise of the FAB proper, Talia smirked as she glanced at Tessa. “Hey - howl on three? One, two, -“ her smirk turned to a grin, as the pair tipped their heads back and opened their throats in mimicry of the squadron’s wild namesake. Talia’s howl turned into a breathless chuckle as a third howl began, then a fourth. “Let’s hear it Wolf Country,” she hollered over it all.

On they walked, as other howls joined in all across the Bay.

-FIN
 
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