Star Trek: Theurgy

The door to Cross' Quarters opened as if she had commanded it, and maybe she had, no one would know that she had fucking added herself to his family registry since they had gotten together in this whole family thing they had going.  She figured at some point he would probably ban her from that, but it hadn't happened yet and she was going to take advantage while she could.  Stepping into his Quarters as if she owned the fucking joint she held up a giant bag of bright colored candy.

“I brought gifts and everything.” she grinned.  Needing a night to unwind and hang with her surrogate brother, was just what she needed after the hell hole of working with the Klingon, whipping this fucker back into shape, getting married, getting in touch with her feelings and fucking having to deal with all the shit from the Versant.  Sometimes you just needed to mingle!  Ranaan was off doing First Officer stuff, and she didn't really feel like being alone, so she had come to Cross.  He looked up from whatever fucking boring ass book he was currently reading on his PADD and rose his brow.

“Don't worry, fair is fair, I decided on my way over to play a game with you.”

“That sounds dangerous.” Cross said almost warily.

“It probably is.  So replicate some of that nasty ass cardi booze, and you get candy, and I get booze and every fucking time I say the word fuck in a sentence you eat candy.  Every time you say the Cardi version, I take a drink!  And we both get fucking shit faced, and we can fucking watch stupid ass comedy movies or something until we pass out.  Game?”

He stared at her for a long time.

“Ah, you chicken shit bastard, get the booze you fucker, as if you're going to say no.”

Cross rose, as if he had just been waiting for her to push him over the edge of fun and headed for the booze while she prepped his living space for some good ol' fashioned drinking games.  “We can start by telling each other about our days!  That'll bring out the fucking words in both of us.” she grinned darkly and mischievously as he returned with the booze in hand.

“Ready to party?”

“Ready to party?”

As Cross returned to the couch he had been seated on, bottle in hand, as Blue went about… whatever she was doing. He was always happy to see the Human who had become part of his family, who had somehow wormed her way into Cross’ usually closed-off heart.

That being said, he _might_ need to consider changing the lock algorithm on his door. He didn’t mind Blue simply waltzing into his quarters unannounced, but recent events could potentially make such unexpected appearances… uncomfortable…

Pushing those thoughts from his mind before he began grinning like an idiot, Cross turned his attention back to the matter at hand. He watched Blue deposit the bag of candy she had brought along one the table, the Vulcan leaning forward and peering at it’s contents. The bag was full of what seemed to be little gelatinous pieces which appeared to look like… bears? Cross suspected that the little bastards were probably at a sugar content equal to or higher than the twinkies Blue had made him eat.

This could be interesting…

Cross extracted one of the sugar-laden bastards and grinned at Blue, popping it into his mouth. ”With the amount you say the word “Fuck”, I might end up hajari dead, Blue!” Cross chuckled, his use of the word Fuck in Standard feeling strange and unfamiliar in his mouth. The tiny bear was extremely sweet and chewy, though he had to admit it tasted vastly better than abominations that were twinkies, almost to the point where he might enjoy them given time. ”You know this is going to get out of hand, right?” Cross winked and grinned, the smile giving his features an impish cast. ”Haja” Cross said, his tone amused as he poured a large measure of the thick, syrupy kanar into a glass for his “sister”. Haja hajari haja-ty haja” Cross assumed an expression of innocence as he turned to Blue once more, holding the glass out for her. ”I believe you’ll be needing this…”

The bag was enormous.  She had multiplied a regular bag of bears, the multicolored kind, by twelve exactly.  Then she doubled it, and nearly and then did one more half before she was satisfied with the sheer amount of bears in the bag.  The bag was kept clear because, there was nothing more glorious in life, second only to a bag of twinkies, than a beautiful rainbow bag of fucking gummy bears.  Of course the red ones were the best, and only select companies would replicate the blue ones, those flavor packs were more unlikely to be found at any stores when she was a kid.  Luckily for her, she was a whiz at the replicator and so amid the normal colored bears there lay the beautiful rare blue ones that were blue raspberry in flavor and just plain perfect in all ways. 

As she slopped it down on the table waiting for his poison of choice to come at her, it slopped slightly to the side as the bears settled against a now flat surface inside the bag.  As he came over with the booze he began to pour her a glass of the potent mixture and began cursing up a blue streak – which really had a completely different yet similar meaning since her name was actually Blue – and began to hand her the glass saying she might as well go for the whole thing.

Blue took the glass from him.  “Well you know a way to a girls' liver don't you.” she winked over at him and closed her eyes chugging the burning liquid down and taking it sip by sip, gulp by gulp, until it was gone.  Coughing as she came up for air and hoped that the burning in her throat would subside quickly. 

Once she was able to open her eyes she looked over at Cross with a shit eating grin and grabbed the bag of gummy bears.  “Open wide you mother fucker.” she said as she opened the bag into her lap and began to toss them in with every word that counted for their little game. 

“You realize that was really fucking cruel, right you mother fucker?  You sit there and fucking spout your fucking words with that fucking grin on your face thinking that my fucking retribution wouldn't be fucking swift and really fucking nasty.  I think you fucking under estimate the fuck out of me you Vulcan fucker.” she laughed throwing gummies into his mouth with every single fuck.  The ones that missed he picked up with his long fingers and tossed into his mouth on his own because fair was fair, and she could find liquid sugar real fucking quick if he was going to cheat.

==One Fuckity Fucking Hours the Fuck Later==

Cross lay on the floor underneath the couch grinning like a lunatic as he marched the little bears across this chest, towards his mouth, and popped them in.  Each one screaming in a high pitched tone as his pearly white teeth chomped down on them.  The sound effects had Blue rolling in laughter, because they were quite perfect.  The marching sound of the little bear feet, the plop as they fell into  his mouth, and the squeal of feigned horror as they were crushed to death and masticated in his mouth until he swallowed and the next colorful cheerful fucking bear made it's death march to the maw of doom.

Blue was laying upside down on the couch.  Her head was where her legs should be, her head hanging off the edge of the couch so that her abundant curls pooled underneath her head to the bare floors right next to where Cross lay having his little bear death walk.  She had a straw, and it was connected to a glass of the same cardi shit that he had been feeding her all night.  And this one was laced with enough fucking sugar that she was pretty sure if she tried, the fucking straw would stand up straight and fucking salute her at this point.  Of course with the sugar additives, the whole fucking thing was straight up rainbow colored and it was a glorious work of art.   That she held in her hand, upside down, so that it was right side up for her, upside down head.  Her feet were dangling over the back of the couch and kicking like a child almost as she lay there sipping at her drink.  Long gone was the need for 'fuck' to be a trigger for drinking or eating the death bears.

No, they had passed that part some time ago and gone straight to liver obliteration. 

“You know what I always wannnnted to do.  Like realllly fucking badly.. and and... it never fucking happened.  Well it happened like once in my fucking childhood but I was too sad to really fucking care and I just.. I feel like I really fucking missed out on some shit and I'm thinkin' like hey... hey that's not cool.  That's not fucking fair at all!  I want my fucking childhood back!  I want to fucking enjoy that fucker!  Bring that shit back you mother fuckers!”

Her answer was another bear's death, and a “Here here!” from Cross on the floor who had little idea what the fuck she was saying anyway.

“I want fucking snow!” she claimed and shot her glass up into the air showering the both of them with bright rainbow colored droplets of booze before she settled back down and continued drinking it through the pink bendy straw that Cross had replicated for her and she had nearly chased him down and shoved it up his ass.  But she stumbled over her own two feet, fell over his chair, and he had fell out of it trying to get away from her.  And then, they had just kind of given up because walking straight was hard at that point.  It helped too that little gummy bears, from the bag, were floating along in her multi colored booze and she picked one out with some fingers and dropped it into her own mouth.

“Snow?”

“Yeah that cold ass icy shit that falls from the sky, and turns all the Earth to white.  You get to build a fucking snow man, and go fucking sledding, and there's like fucking snowball fights and shit!  I want that shit!  Fuck!  Bring me some fucking snow!  Right fucking now!”

“You know, they have holo-decks for that hajarl.”

Blue was quiet for a moment as she sipped at her bendy straw staring at the ceiling.  All of a sudden, in a burst of motion she rolled off the couch.  Her glass fell to the side, creating a rainbow colored puddle surrounding the glass and the bendy straw on the carpets, she was currently totally on top of Cross looking down at him with a big smile on her face.

“Pack your bags cricket!  Lets go to the fucking holodeck!”

The doors of the whirred open, their progress revealing he program which Blue had initiated beyond the archway. If Cross’ memory served him correctly, which it might not, given the zig-zagging manner of walking he had displayed on the trip there, it was what the Humans might call a “Winter Wonderland”. Stepping through the arch and into the holodeck proper, Cross decided he would have simply called it cold, a slight shiver running down the Vulcan’s spine with the drop in temperature, despite the winter jacket which Blue had replicated for him. Blue darted forward, and Cross made to follow, though only managed a handful of steps before he found his feet were no longer underneath him. A moment later, Cross found the cold intensifying as he landed on his back, his bald head sinking into the snow.

”HAJAI THAT’S COLD!” Cross growled, scowling at the simulated sky above him from which more snow was slowly drifting down on them. A large snowflake landed on Cross’ nose, and he scowled at that too for a moment before blowing it off his nose with a quite puff of breath. Letting out a sigh, Cross resigned himself to his fate, and reached into one of the oversized pockets where he’d stashed the enormous bag of gummy bears. Extracting one, he held it above his head, peering at the little blue animal. ”There’s no escape, this time! Goodbye, little friend!” With the farewells made, Cross opened his mouth and dropped the tiny berry-flavoured beast into his maw, his lips close to seal the candy-critter’s fate.

Cross chuckled to himself as he chewed, finding the mass murder which Blue and he had waged against the jelly-creatures more amusing than he should have. His grin was wiped off his face with the impact of the snowball, the shock of the impact, blended with the cold which cascaded down his face, drew a gasp from Cross, who bolted up to a sitting position to glare at the holodeck’s other occupant just in time to see a shock of Blue hair disappear behind a snow-draped tree.

”That’s it, Tiran!” Cross called, pushing himself to his feet and scooping up an large handful of snow. ”No more gummies for you!” Cross stalked forward through the snow, snowball in hand and evil intentions in his heart. ”If you surrender now, I might show you mercy, Blue!”

“Fucking pointy-eared motherfucker!” Blue practically spat the words, her voice strained as she struggled and swung her arms in the hope of making contact, of fending him off. She couldn’t escape, Cross’ grip on the back of her jacket too strong for her to break free from. Cross laughed in an evil manner, the ring of his dark amusement seeming to spur the Human to greater efforts to escape his grasp.

The snow Cross was stuffing down the back of her neck might have contributed to that motivation as well, he realized.

“Oh, I’m gonna get you back, you droid-diddling asshole!” Blue practically shrieked as she finally freed herself, having unzipped her jacket and slipped free, dancing away and shaking herself to try and dislodge the snow which was slowly melting against her back. “Just you fucking wait!” Despite the harshness of her words, the promise of retribution, Blue was grinning at him. Cross grinned back, pulling the bag of gummy bears from his pocket and holding it out to her. ”Truce?”

“No fair! That’s fucking cheating!” Blue complained, though she stepped forward, reaching for the bag and the chewy, fruit-flavoured fauna facsimiles it contained. “But fine. Truce.”

There was an almost robotic chuckle over her shoulder.  Blue slowly turned her head, almost horror movie style, as she glanced over her shoulder with her striking blue eyes.  There on his charging perch she had built into the wall close to the desk where she worked when she was at home, was Albert.  His eyes were blinking in some kind of dancing blue colored and the odd sound, was coming from the speaker unit. 

“What in the fuck are you doing?”

[I find it amusing.]

“You find.... the fuck, when did you figure out amusing.?!”

[It appears recently, Mister Ducote has amended your serving sizes again.]

“So he fucking thinks...” she murmured under her breath and turned back to the replicator.  She quickly pulled out the command panel and flipped open the small cover that kept the dust from getting into the micro keyboard.  Blue was used to working on replicators and so she was fairly fast at tapping into the system, pulling up her own profile and beginning to take off the parameters that had been set up by a well meaning husband. 

[Miss Blue, perhaps the constraints of your intake are for your own health.] Albert reminded. 

“If he wants me to go mother fucking bat shit crazy and tear up the fucking joint he can just keep doing this kind of shit.  Or he could let me eat the shit I like, slip his secret vegetables into shit, and we'll go right along just fucking fine as we have always been.” she retorted quickly as she slapped the cover back on the keyboard and folded the whole assembly back into the wall.  “Now lets see if this fucker wants to work.”

A few finger presses later, the screen was blinking at her again, but this time for the right reasons.  [[Party size gummy bear, assorted flavors, what size?  1 lb, 3lb, 5lb, 10lb.]]  Blue pressed the button and the large bag replicated itself.  She had to show some self control...

It wasn't but a few moments for Blue to hack into the door panel beside the unused office of the First Officer.  It was still set up nicely, as though he could walk in and use it at any moment, and he did, sometimes, but it was pretty fucking rare.  She and he had used it at one point when there was no one around, but that hadn't been for official purposes and it wasn't something that she was going to go around telling people about.  But, it was just the first in what would eventually be many not-quite public displays that they tended to enjoy the thrill of from time to time. 

Still though, as she and Cross tiptoed in, the jacket that had been wet because of the snow had been left off.. somewhere.  She wasn't sure where, probably in the holodeck.  Reaching into the bag of gummy bears she tossed a handful of them into her mouth and continued sipping at the drink she had been poured by the bottle toting Vulcan.  The bendy straw was still going strong and once again there were pretty little colored bears floating for their last good moment of life before she consumed them in a violent mastication between her teeth at the end of the drink.

“He never uses this shit.  But!  He wont' come in here either while I hack his shit!” she grinned evily.  She plopped herself down in his chair and kicked her booted feet up on the desk as though this fucking place belonged to her.  She picked up her PADD and quickly signed in.  Her fingers flew over the screen quickly, she wasn't drunk enough to be unable to hack she was just very much enjoying herself and she might as well go with someone that would pretty much expect it at this point. 

“What should we do to Ducote... what should we do... oh I know!” she began to work and she accessed some old ass music from Earth that someone had played at her when she was a kid because of her name, and began to merge his functioning PADD with the music.  “Make yourself at home you fucker.” she told him as she went to work, and continued with her fingers flying over the screen of her PADD inputing all sorts of codes, if then statements, and reworking everything.  Then she updated them. Waiting for all the code to snap into place properly. 

An evil laugh erupted from Blue's chest!  “Who next who next?!”

Ducote settled into his chair behind his desk, sipping his coffee with one hand while scrolling through a PADD with the other. On the surface before him, a slew of other PADDs lay, next to a lit console screen and an overview of the ship on the wall screen above him. He was technically off-duty, as was Blue, but she wasn't back yet and he was still working. No doubt she was burning her own midnight oil the same way he was.

He paged through to the tactical/engineering reports of their resupply and weaponry refurbishment, but his thumb stopped its upward swipe as he registered a quiet sound coming from his PADD. Was that music? It grew louder.

"-blue little window
And a blue Corvette
And everything is blue for him
And himself and everybody around
'Cause he ain't got nobody to listen..."

"What on Earth- oh," he said, sighing. She could at least have chosen something from this century. What even was this song?

"I'm blue da ba dee da ba-"

Irritating and sure to be stuck in his head for days, that's what. "Albert!" he called, over the still-increasing music volume - which was resisting his efforts to turn it off. Every button he pressed simply turned blue and ceased to function. On his charging station, the metal owl's eyes lit up and he sedately glided over to land gently on the desk.

[Mister Ranaan.]

"Blue did this, huh," he said, almost rhetorically. "Can you help me turn it off?"

Albert looked slowly between him and the noisy PADD (cycling through into the chorus again). [I am afraid Miss Blue prevailed upon me not to say.]

"That's a 'yes', then... look, she's not in trouble. She's just invited my own prank in return... but this one has had its effect and I need it to stop."

Albert looked at the PADD, and the room was plunged back into quiet. Ducote took a deep breath of relief. "Thank you. I think we need a chat about exercising good judgement in pranking targets..."

Cross pulled up short as the doors to sickbay came into sight further along the corridor, then stumbled forward slightly as Blue, who had been walking along behind him vigorously munching a mouthful of gummy bears, ran into his back.

”Haja…” Cross muttered, his eyes fixed on those doors ahead. ”I forgot about that…” Behind him, Blue asked what the fuck the problem was. The words were barely intelligible, spoken around the mass grave of gummy bears what currently occupied her mouth. Turning, Cross gave Blue and uneasy look. ”Sickbay” was all he said. Blue looked at him with a what’s your issue sort of expression, though the look was spoiled somewhat by her overly exaggerated chewing. A moment later her expression changed, and the gruesome remains of a half-eaten gummy bear was forcible ejected from her mouth by a burst of laughter.

“Oh shit, you’re scared you’re gonna run into your other girlfriend, aren’t you?”[/color] Blue laughed, pausing for a moment as she half choked on the mass of ground up bear bodies. The laughter continued once Blue had forcibly swallowed the large wad of gummies, the mixture of laughter and choking causing the engineer’s eyes to water slightly as her laughter continued. “I bet she’d be real fucking happy to see you!”

Cross’ glaring blue eyes seemed to burn all the brighter, framed as they were by the furious green blush that raged within his cheeks.

“Maybe V’s got a new induction port for you to try out!”

Blue’s smile vanished as Cross snatched the obscenely large bag of gummies from her hand with a scowl, her face taking on an expression of loss. “No! Gummies!” Cross grabbed a large handful of gummies and stuffed them into his mouth before depositing the massive bag in the large pocket of the winter coat he still wore, chewing quickly and nearly choking to death as the bears sought retribution when he attempted to swallow, several of the little bastards holding onto his windpipe for death life before he finally forced them down and sucked in a desperate breath. ”You can have all the gummies and twinkies you want once we get to Hathev’s office.” Cross croaked, his voice still hoarse from the momentary choking. ”We we’ve gotta get there without anyone seeing.” Cross glowered at Blue for a moment, then turned towards the doors, the words ”If we get caught, you can fuck the android this time.” muttered under his breath and her crept towards the doors to sickbay.

Cross peered around the edge of Sickbay’s main entrance, continuing with his attempts at stealth despite Blue’s continued giggles behind him, as well as the fact that their presence had been announced by the hiss of the doors as they had slid open.

”We’re all clear, the duty nurse isn’t there.” Cross whispered, glancing over his shoulder to see Blue chewing lustily, the bag of gummies cradled in both hand in front of her. ”Where the haja did…” Cross patten his jacket pocket, finding it empty as Blue popped several more bears into her mouth and grinned at him. Cross scowled back, but reached into the bag she proffered and grabbed a handful himself.

His own chewing seemed loud in his ears as he crept into sickbay, butting up against the wall opposite the duty nurse’s station and peering covertly down the hallway, his eyes wide and searching for any signs of the telltale white chassis. ”I think we’re clear.” Cross whispered, glancing over his shoulder to see Blue sitting casually on the sofa in the waiting area, one leg crossed over the other, he foot kicking happily as she toosed an orange gummy bear into the air and expertly caught it in her mouth. Cross thought his eyes might pop out of his head as he goggled at her, hissing a string of curses.

“You’re being an idiot.” Blue informed him casually, standing up with a bemused expression and turning to make for Hathev’s office. It would have been an impressive pronouncement, followed by a graceful exit, had Blue not tripped on the potted plant which sat next to the couch, the ill-fated flora tipping onto it’s side with a rather loud noise, spilling dirt across the deck. “Shit.”

Cross leaned against the wall, fighting to suppress a laugh, when he saw movement out of the corner of his eye. He turned to see the form of V-Nine, the very person… android… whatever that he desperately wished to avoid. Eyes wide with panic, Cross stumbled forward, closing the distance with Blue and grabbing her arm, dragging the woman behind him easily as he dashed past the empty nurse’s station to Hathev’s door. ”Open it!” Cross hissed, his eyes wide and pleading. ”Open it open it openitopenit!!!!”

As the doors began to hiss open, Cross nearly trampled Blue in his haste to get into the office and away from the android, the sounds of Blue’s laughter accompanying the hissing of the shutting doors.

Blue dropped another twinkie wrapped on the couch beside her, her attention fully on the fluffy cake held between her fingers. Cross sat on the floor, where moments before he had collapsed in relief after having narrowly escaped the white-bodied android’s clutches. Now he peered at the cake he held, the twin to the one Tiran was currently biting into with a reverent expression. Chocolate S’cream she had called it. Cross took a cautious bite, chewing slowly. The chocolatey filling of these was, admittedly, marginally better than the other twinkies she had fed him, almost tasting like something edible. Finishing the cake with his second bite, Cross could already feel his head swimming from the massive sugar dump. Apparently a handful of gummies (or twelve) and a twinkie made for quite a time. Cross grinned up at Blue from his seat on the floor as she tossed him another twinkie, calling this one Cheery Chocodile. Cross inspected the chocolate covered twinkie, wondering exactly how much sugar he was about to ingest, before opening his mouth to take a bite. Cross’ eyes bulged as Blue nudged his arm with her foot, forcing the entire twinkie into his mouth. Cross, trying to force out both a protest and a laugh at the same time, ended up swallowing the thing whole, sending Blue into further peals of laughter.

As Hathev approached the entrance to her office, there was nothing to alert her to the chaos she was shortly to discover; even as the door slid open, she remained blissfully ignorant of the destruction which awaited her. It was only as she stepped inside that she discovered the disarray.

On every possible surface lay a small, transparent, cellophane wrapper, strewn about the room with the complete abandon of confetti. Clearly the intruder had never been introduced to a waste disposal unit. Far from it, in fact; Hathev could see several wrappers had been lovingly placed into the plant pot of her Echinopsis (and indeed later, when she had finally considered her work in cleaning up the place finished, she would find still more nestled in the drawers of her desk. It would take her weeks to discover the ones stuffed inside her antique Vulcan teapot).

From the evidence left, the culprit was hardly difficult to divine. Miss Blue Tiran had exhibited difficulty with respecting the professional and physical boundaries of Hathev's office before, breaking in while she had been in media res with a patient, and all for the love of those detestable Earth cakes the woman did seem to enjoy.

It was with reluctance that Hathev, stood amongst the wrappers littering her office and regarding them with abject disapproval, was forced to admit that she had created a monster. Offering Twinkies to Miss Tiran had been a double-edged sword, and one that now required her to get down onto all fours to fish out the remains of Tiran's Twinkie bender from behind the couch.

The shambles was not restricted to merely trash, however. Her Echinopsis had been fitted with a very odd addition: little adhesive circles, comprising of a white backing covered by a clear plastic shell which encased a smaller black disk. These black disks would, she found, jiggle around with any movement, giving a very odd and anthropomorphic appearance to the plant. The name 'Harold' had also been written in a thick black pen over his pot. A curious choice of vandalism.

Finally, upon her desk atop a small mountain of wrappers lay a single post-it note, a lopsided heart scrawled upon it; the only sign of the other culprit whose involvement Hathev suspected. Certainly they would both be receiving the most stern of lessons in privacy, professionalism, and general cleanliness.

Getting out of Sickbay had actually been easier than getting in.  They walked out of Hathev's office and Blue had turned around and waved.  “Bye doc!  See you soon!  Enjoy the snacks and free décor!”

Of course, that only made a scene but with the lights on inside the office people seemed to just assume that Hathev was in there anyway.  Very few had time to worry too much about everyone's schedule.  They just assumed that people were doing their jobs and getting shit done when they were supposed to.  “Hey wanna go fuck your favorite android on the way out?  Give a whole new meaning to quickie, I bet those hips have some kind of hydrolic acti-”

A hand clamped down over Blue's lips and she looked up at him with a glare that said Let me the fuck go. but he just stared down at her with a shut your fucking twinkie hole.  Blue opened her mouth, and sighed against his flesh, Wait.. flesh?  Blue bit him, right on the middle finger which was so perfectly placed there against her teeth. 

“What the fuck!  Did you bite me?!” he said incredulously.

“You better watch what the fuck you do with the only fucking hand you have left.” she glared at him and then licked her lips only to scrunch her nose up.  “Ugh, wash your fucking hands you fucking nasty port fucker.  I don't know what that fucking thing has been!”

“You fucking bit me!  That's your fucking fault, I hope you get the fucking Vulcan plague.”

“Well it's better than Crotch Bytes.  The only STD that you can get from fucking induction ports.” she snorted and glared at Cross who glared at her back before the both of them broke out into giggles.  He wrapped his arm around her shoulder as they headed out of Sickbay best friends again both digging their hands into the dwindling bag of gummy bears.  But, there were still plenty to fuel the desire for sugar, for drunkeness, and mischief. 

As the two giggled their way through the corridors, Blue continued to give him a hard time about V and everything that had to do with getting his bits stroked to fruition.  They laughed and teased, until Blue paused at the junction of a corridor, and pulled out a blue marker that she had nicked from the Hathev's office.  It was the best place to nick things.  She looked over at Cross who had stopped because she had, and was digging into the bag of gummies picking out all the blue ones that he could find and stuffing them one by one in a line of doom into his teeth to enjoy the taste of the blueberry flavor.

Quickly, she uncapped the pen, and let the cap fall to the ground where it bounced a few times and rolled to lay in the carpet's edge against the wall.  She quickly began to draw. 

There was a tiny penis, two balls, some little squiggles for hair. 

The equation said Cross Penis + 0 = Midget Ride.
Underneath, another drawing.  Cross Penis (again little) + Vulcan (A little stick figure with ears) = Compact Ride.
Underneath again, another equation.  Cross Penis (little) + Robot Hand (she drew a fairly decent rendering of V's hand) = Mega Boner Extreme Mode.

Underneath all of that: Caution in the Event of Robotic Excitement, stand clear of the spray zone.

She tossed the pen over her shoulder because... there was no need for it now, it had served it's purpose and Cross didn't seem to notice at all.  “Come on asshole, we need to get some fucking shit done or are you going back to Sickbay for round two?”

She shoved him forward with a hand to his shoulder, he could read that later.. someone would probably tell him, and she would probably have to run quickly.  Cross looked up from his bag with a gummy still pinched between his lips but not yet in his teeth and looked at the horror of the art on the walls.

“You bitch!”

Blue laughed and shrugged.  “It's just the truth!” she called out.

He grabbed the gummy out of his mouth and chucked it at her.  Still wet from his saliva it stuck into her hair as she turned and ran.  “Get over here!” he called out racing after her through the corridors pelting her with gummies.  Some stuck to her back, her hair, and some fell to the ground and got caught in their boot treads.

They burst into the control center and looked around.  No one was in there at the moment, and they shouldn't be as there wasn't any reason for any fuckers to be in here unless there was a problem.  And there wasn't.  She jumped over towards the wall and pulled her PADD out connecting it via the ports internally that allowed her access to the whole thing. 

“What was that fuckers name?  Kory?  Korbin?  Koko?” she asked looking over at Cross that was sitting in a chair spinning around and starring at the ceiling with a stupid grin on his face. Occasionally throwing a gummy in the air trying to catch it with his mouth.  The small collection in a circumference around his chair proved his aim was shit.

“Khorin Douglas.” he stated as he sat up and looked over at Blue.  “Make all his shit spicy.  Like .. every fucking thing.  Cake, pie, cookies, candy, ramen, steak, targ, whatever the fuck he replicates is spicy as fuck.”

“That.. that's your big scheme?  Spicinator?” she asked looking at him completely unimpressed.

“Trust me.  It's the one thing that will get through to him.”

Blue shrugged and began to alter the code just for Khorin Douglas.  Anyone else in his Quarters, even though she was half tempted to get that nosy bitch Zephyr too, would still get the good stuff, but Khorin would have nothing that didn't come out spicy.  No matter what it was.  She got everything amped up and disconnected from the wall with a grin.  Walking over to Cross she snatched the bag of gummies back out and shoved a handful into her mouth.

“E sho go dow heneering” she said as she chomped, little bear bits falling out of her mouth and populating her current attire. 

“Are you speaking Standard?”

“Fuck you, there's some fuckers in Engineering we should fuck with!  Like Scruffy.. that lazy mother fucker needs to learn a few fucking lessons!”

Khorin frowned deeply. He stuck out his tongue. He shoved it back into his mouth... and frowned even more deeply. The Klingon leaned over the piece of cake and looked at it with a critical eye. Everything seemed fine. The strawberry was in place. The cream was artistically rolled into beautiful spirals dotted with sprinkles.

Everything was perfect, but the taste... The taste... The former hybrid spooned back into the cake. He took a small, tiny spoon, hardly anything... and put it in his mouth.

It tickled.

It burned.

Khorin's eyes began to water as a roar grew violently in her throat and Khorin stood up. "WHO DARE?" he howled. "WHO HAS DONE THIS?!?!?!" He bellowed, throwing the chair he had occupied backwards. A young Trill girl stared at him, surprised by the violence of the reaction. Khorin glanced at her and crossed the space that separated them in three long strides. " It was you who did THIS?!?!?!" he demanded, pointing at her with his spoon as if it were a deadly weapon.

"I... I... I don't know what you're talking about..."

"THE SPICY THING! IN THE CAKE"

 "uhh... no?" Khorin snarled in frustration and stomped out the lounge, looking for another replicator....

Kai had been about halfway through his workout when he was informed of the developments in the security centre. He hated to interrupt a workout, but for this occasion, he'd make an exception. The large man put his weights back where they belonged and briefly thought about changing clothes, before deciding against it and choosing to go to the security centre in his workout clothing.

As he walked along the corridor towards the security centre, he couldn't help but chuckle to himself and wonder if the two were as bad as it sounded. Either way, he figured he'd find out shortly.

Even as he entered the security centre, he could hear the yelling and swearing and slurring. He nodded to the security officers working as he smiled. It was as bad as it sounded when he was informed. He stood outside of their holding cell, leaning against the bulkhead with his arms crossed. Cross and Blue hadn't noticed him yet, so he watched the two interact. He noticed that they had become a lot closer lately, which was great for both of them. Kai just observed for awhile, before interrupting them.

The doors to the turbolift hissed open and Cross and Blue stumbled out into the corridors, laughing at some joke they had both already forgotten. Cross’ foot got caught on Blue’s, and the two spilled into a giggling heap on the deck.

”Ow, my hajari ass!” Cross laughed, rubbing the spot where Blue’s knee had landed with a look of overexaggerated agony on his face.

“Want to head back to sickbay? I’m sure V would love to rub it all better for you!” Blue howled, rolling on the floor in a fit of uncontrollable laughter.

”That’s one Savi who knows how to show a hybrid a good time…” Cross laughed, shoving Blue as she tried to push herself to her feet, sending her sprawling on the deck once again and sending them both into more peals of laughter.

”What the fuck?” Came a voice from close by, prompting the two to turn their gazes from their positions on the floor to regard a short, white haired woman in the white uniform of the Lone Wolves. She stood in the corridor, regarding them with a very confused expression.

Blue peered back at the woman with a happy grin on her face, noticing the white tail which swished behind the woman. “She’s fluffy!” Blue exclaimed, prompting the white haired woman to raise an eyebrow in surprise.

”Do you think she’ll let me pet her tail?” Cross asked, his voice sounding cautiously hopeful as she pushed himself up to a kneeling position.

“We both know you’d like it better if she had a shiny chassis, servos and an induction port!” Blue laughed, shoving Cross and sending him sprawling to the deck once more, where he lay overcome by uncontrollable laughter.

”Fuck, you guys are wrecked…” the white haired woman chuckled, shaking her head as she stepped over the two prone and obviously hammered officers, holding her tail with one hand and keeping it out of reach as she stepped over Cross. She was still shaking her head and chuckling as the Turbolift doors hissed shut, the woman calling ”Enjoy your hangovers, Sir. Ma’am.” before the doors closed, blocking her from view.

Cross squinted as he noticed the deck number displayed on the wall above them, a frown crossing his features. ”This isn’t even the right hajair Deck…”

They had been chased out of the Below Decks Lounge, their stock of alcohol and gummies somewhat replenished, and made their way back to the turbolift. This time around they managed to find their way to the right deck, and soon the doors to Main Engineering slid open to reveal two heads peering around the frame.

“There he is, that lazy waste of fucking skin!” Blue hissed, pointing at a shaggy looking man in the gold uniform of the Engineering department who was lazily slouching across the deck of Main Engineering. The shaggy head turned, seeing the two heads seeming to hover in mid-air at the edge of the doorframe and giving them a lazy wave.

”That is probably the most useless looking haja I’ve ever seen in my life…” Cross murmured through his teeth as he waved back and smiled.

“I’m gonna get that fucker…” Blue swore, apparently to herself, an evil grin spreading over her features and she pulled her head back form the doorframe, dragging a still-waving Cross with her.

Scruffy awoke in his usual manner, falling out of bed and groaning as he dragged himself up off the floor. Shuffling bleary-eyed to the replicator and leaning against the wall as the machine whirred his uniform into existence, Scruffy felt almost proud of himself. He had remembered to replicate clothes. Morgan would certainly be happy, his tightly-wound roommate having finally mentioned Scruffy’s habit of walking around their quarters mostly naked.

It had taken the poor fellow two weeks to broach the subject, the man seeming on the verge of a breakdown as he did so. Scruffy, trying to be helpful, had offered the man a massage to help calm his nerves, though the suggestion had seemed to have the opposite effect.

Morgan was a nice guy, but he was a bit strange…

Now Scruffy was dressed in his uniform as he stepped out into the common area. He’d had a bit of difficulty with the zipper of his tunic, though he’d just chalked that up to it being morning.

Mornings were hard…

Morgan was sitting in the common area, and looked up at Scruffy with a bewildered expression.

”Morning.” Scruffy muttered as she shuffled towards the replicator in their common area, his finger fumbling on the touchpad as he tried desperately to order a coffee.

”Uh… Scruffy….”

”Hm?”

”Your uniform.”

”What? I put it on!” Scruffy protested, though he glanced down at himself through half-hooded eyelids. ”Didn’t I?” A wave of relief washed over him as he found that he had put it on. It was an improvement on the previous day when he had replicated it, then shuffled out into the common area of their quarters leaving the fresh uniform sitting in the replicator. ”Oh, good.” Scruffy looked back up at his roommate, grinning happily.

”Scruffy… it’s inside out…”

Scruffy directed his gaze back down at himself, seeing the seams which would usually be inside the tunic clearly visible on the outside. ”Huh… that explains why the zipper was so tricky…” Scruffy muttered to himself before looking back up at Morgan with utter confusion painted across his features.

”Scruffy… how…”

”Idunno, roomie.” Scruffy decided with a grin, taking his coffee form the replicator and taking a long, appreciative sip. ”Anyway, I was supposed to be on shift 45 minutes ago, so I should probably get to Engineering.” Scruffy shuffled towards the doors, waving a farewell to Morgan over his shoulder. ”Later roomie!”

”Scruffy…”

It was too late, he was gone. Morgan eyes Scruffy’s boots which still sat next to the door, wondering how long it would take the shaggy, absent-minded fellow to realize he was showing up for duty barefoot and with his clothes inside out.

Blue and Cross were taking rides in turbolifts.  Racing across decks from one lift to another, all over the ship.  As soon as the door opened they were in and the first stop they were out and running through the ship.  Pelting each other with gummy bears and leaving a trail of crushed sugar bear guts all over the carpeting as they laughed themselves silly.  Blue sometimes wished that she had her marker back because she could draw some more awesome artwork about Cross' love for V, (really, it had to be known), but she didn't and so they played their game of cat and mouse.  Turbo after turbo, they road in them, laughing and shoving bears in their mouths.  At one point one of the Civilian officers stepped on board, and Blue giggled crazily. 

“Look how many tattoos she has!” Blue said in the loudest whisper ever before she burst into giggles. 

“It's like a painting.” said Cross apparently enamored. 

“Are they real?!” asked Blue as she leaned forward and licked her finger before running it down the woman's arm.  “Oh fucking fuck balls of fuckable furry they ARE!”

The woman, sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose as she turned to face the both of them.  Only then realizing that it was Commander Cross whom she had met with once before.  Her brow rose, and her striking grey eyes surveyed the two of them.  “Could you not put your place your saliva on my person.” she stated simply.

“Want a gummy?!” Blue asked as she held out the large bag of multi-colored bears.

“A gummy.” she stated curiously.

“They're yummy!” Cross erupted from the other side of the Turbo as he grabbed a handful and threw the entire fistful into his mouth masticating them between his teeth like a child laughing all giddy like.

Curiosity got the better of her ad she reached her hand in to liberate a single gummed bear from the clear bag of wonders.  “Oh!  She got a Blue one!” Cross said.

“Oh those are the best!” Blue cried out in excitement. 

“Are these poisoned?” Zyrao asked almost in jest before she put the small bear in her mouth and chewed.  Zyrao was not a fan of sweet things, not really, so she didn't quite appreciate the taste, but it seemed that she had ended up with one that tasted heavily of alcohol.  “Interesting.” she stated before the lift opened and the El-Aurian stepped out looking back a moment, at the two.  Blue and Cross were already cramming more bears into their faces.  “I've a feeling you'll regret today.” she stated simply. 

Blue looked up mouthful of gummy bears.  “Whuh?” she said curiously prompting Cross to bust out laughing and spewing gummy bear goo all over the interior of the Turbo.

Zyrao smiled and shook her head.  “I think you'll probably not recall by tomorrow.”  with that she turned and headed off on her own a chuckle on her lips.  At least their living it up.  Good for them.

The two of them swirled around in his office chairs laughing as they did spinning contests to see who could spin the longest.  His legs were longer, but hers were stronger, so it was a pretty good competition.  On the wall across from his desk were a long line of gummy bears.  Blue for her, Green for him, and the blue line was equal with the green.

“Last one.” she said as they both prepped themselves in the spinning chairs.  “Three, two, one, go.” both of them pushed off the deck plating and began counting the number of times their chair did full revolutions to see the gummy bear line in front of them.

“I got three annnnnnnnnnnd” she was still moving slightly.  “A quarter!”

“Fuck!” cried Cross who was stuck at two and five eights.”

“Yes fucker!  I win you son of a bitch!” she picked a blue gummy out of the bag and walked over to the wall.  Giving the back side of the gummy a lick she stuck it to the wall proving herself the ultimate winner. 

“You just licked a gummy bear asshole.”

“You wish you were in V's asshole.” she shot back without thinking.

“She doesn't have an asshole, smart ass.”

“I bet she has a execution port somewhere that'll serve your purposes nicely.” she shot back.

“Fuck you.” he grumbled.

“Fuck you first!” she grinned.  And then snapped her fingers.  “Heyyyyyyy wouldn't that foxy wolfy lady we saw earlier, be sooooo much cuter in color!”

“YES!”  Cross jumped out of his chair, and then sat right back down because his balance was too shit to remain standing after such a quick movement.

“Pink?”

“Green!”

“Ew, I don't want her to look like puke.” Blue thought as she tapped at her chin for a moment.  Then they both shouted .. “BLUE!” at the same time and grinned at each other.  Blue thrust her arm into the air.  “Cross and Blue Ninja powers activate!”

The crawl space was tight, but neither of them had much extra weight on them to worry about.  As they slid across the metallic floor supported by the ceiling beams of various Quarters, they giggled and drug the gummy bear bag along.  Occasionally stopping for a snack.  Still, they finally stopped and Blue put down her PADD. 

“This is it, foxy's place.” she whispered. 

Cross had rolled over on his back and was looking up at all the twisted, braided, and zip tied wiring that worked it's way all over the ceiling of the crawl space.  Blue began to add the canister of bright teal dye to the shower tubing.  It would sit there, where the water would spray out should she use it.  Not everyone did, but, she couldn't really sabotage the sonic sprayer without it being obvious.  This was all about stealth and covertness.

“What does this wire do?” Cross asked. 

Blue looked up to see him trailing his finger across a red wire.  “Thermo-regulator.”

“And this?”

“Electrical conduit relay.” she said deadpan while she worked.

“And this?”

“Corridor B, junction rally point.”  again, she hardly spared a glance.

“What about this green one.”

“Central replication sensor arrays.”  this time she shot him a shut the fuck up look.

“Oh this one is  yellow.” 

“Comms units.”  and now it was a death glare.

“How do you know all of this?”  He asked.

“It's literally my fucking job.” she retorted.

“They're sooooo pretty.  Like stars, you know, pretty pretty stars.” he giggled.  Blue pinged him in the nose with a gummy bear she tossed across the space.  Cross picked it up out of the folds of his neck.  “You missed my mouth.”

“I was aiming for your nostril.” she grumbled. 

“Oh.”

“Come on lets go.”

Cross shoved the bear into his mouth and they began low crawling back out of the maintenance crawl space.

Isel padded across her quarters, the clawed feet of her Natural form making almost no sound as she made her way to the head. She'd had a decent day, all told. Hit the gym, had a drink in the lounge, had a good laugh at some highly intoxicated morons who also happened to be senior officers.

Not a bad day at all.

Isel stepped into the washroom in her quarters and peeled off her clothes before stepping into the shower. She closed her eyes and basked in the sensation of the sonic waves removing the sweat and grit from her furred form, the whirring noise which the shower gave off always bothered her ears a bit, her keen hearing picking up more of the whining noise then a Human would hear, but the beautiful sensation more than made up for that.

She could have stayed in there forever...

Sadly, it was not to be. She had to report to the FAB in a few hours, her next patrol stared at 00:00hrs. She wanted to finish her shower and get a bit of sleep in before she reported for duty. A cat nap, the humans called it, which seemed somewhat exclusive to a vulpine being like herself. Why did only Caitians get naps? It was bullshit.

Letting out a regretful sigh, Isel deactivated the sonic shower. Then was when she noticed that there was a strange scent in the air, and that her fur felt slightly wet, as though it had been misted during the shower.

"The hell?" Opening her eyes and blinking in confusion, Isel made a mental note to call Ops to have the thing looked at as she stepped out of the sonic shower and looked at herself in the mirror. In the glass she saw her usual furry face looking back at her, the face which some Humans had said looked like a werewolf, though she preferred werefox. There was one little difference in her reflection, however.

Her beautiful fur, usually so soft and a ghostly snow white in colour, was no longer white. Instead, a bright turquoisey blue Vulinian stared back at her with a look of utter horror and confusion in her mismatched eyes. Looking down at herself, Isel saw that the reflection spoke truth. The fur of her arms, legs, breasts and stomach was all a bright, vivid shade a blue.

"Oh, fuck right off" Isel growled, her teeth baring at her reflection in the mirror and her ears laid back against her skull. "Someone's gonna fucking die"

Cross stretched his back as he waited for Blue to emerge from the duct, the Vulcan feeling the muscles in his back seem to creak after crawling through the cramped spaces for what seemed like days. He extracted a couple of bears from the bag he still carried and popped them into his mouth, wondering how many he had dropped during their journey through the hidden spaces of the ship. Some poor engineer would likely end up crawling through them at some point, the gelatinous mammals being crushed by crawling knees and sticking to their uniforms.

Oh well, nothing to be done about it now…

Glancing about, Cross saw that they had somehow made their way to Deck 06. The Vulcan popped a few more gummies in his mouth and turned to peer at Blue, who had just finished replacing the cover to the duct they had just crawled out of. He looked at her quizzically, his jaw working as he chewed, the massacred gummies warping his words as he spoke. ”Whish hashari Weckor are uee ohn?” Seeing Blue staring at him in utter confusion, Cross muttered a ”Hasha” and chewed faster. Once he had ground the last of the delectable little bears into oblivion and swallowed, he tried again. ”Which Vector are we on?”

“Vector One? Two? No, definitely two.”[/color] Blue said, glancing around.

”Isn’t there a pool on this deck?” Cross said, glancing around. Then he saw the sigh posted on the wall. The sign proclaimed that the public baths were in this direction, the words accompanied by an arrow. Cross turned to Blue, an impish grin spreading over his features. ”I have an idea…”

Cross and Blue peered around the frame of the doors which had just hissed open, then exchanged a conspiratorial look before creeping forward and into the pool area. The main pool was deserted, the water still and calm. Hearing the doors hiss shut behind them, Cross paused and listened. He could hear the sound of the jacuzzies running in the next room.

The plan would still work.

Glancing over at Blue, Cross grinned. ”Ready?” Blue grinned back, her expression full of mischief. ”Ok, let’s go.” The doors to the jacuzzi area hissed open as they approached, and the two unscrewed the caps of the bottles they held and hoisted the containers into the air like a pair of grenades, both holding back fits of giggles and they fought to hold back their laughter. Blue’s container landed in the jacuzzi set into the floor, while Cross’ projectile landed in the tub at the far end of the room.

It took only seconds for the bubbles to begin rising from the water.

It took only seconds more for the tow to realize that they shouldn’t have used to much bubble bath.

”Oh haja…” Cross murmured, his eyes growing wide at the sight.

“C’mon, let’s get out of here!” Blue hissed, grabbing him by the sleeve and dragged him off towards the locker rooms and the exit.

L’Nari let her head roll back and forth as she lazed in the jacuzzi, her eyes closed as she relished the heat and the comforting caress of the water. Her arms were out of the water, spread out and resting on the edge of the jacuzzi as the jets massaged the tired muscles of her back. It had been a long voyage to get to the Theurgy, and in the three days since her arrival she had been busy trying to get to know more about the ship, it’s crew, and it’s current situation.

Then she had found this place, and had decided to take the evening to relax and enjoy herself.

She had been glad to find the public baths empty, and had quickly changed into a navy blue swimsuit before making her way to the jacuzzi, wasting no time. The water had been like heaven as she’d slipped into it, the warmth seeming to loosen knots and kinks in her muscles which she hadn’t even realized were there.

”This is perfect.” L’Nari sighed, her Caitian accent causing the murmured R noise to come out sounding like a purr. ”I’ll have to make a regular thing of this…”

The Caitian moaned slightly in enjoyment as she stretched her legs in the water, rolling her head back and forth a little more to work out a kink which had been in her neck since she’d boarded the transport for Aldea. The knot was finally going away, and L’Nari looked forward to going to sleep that night without the constant dull ache in her neck.

The tip of her tail flicked beneath the water’s surface as she heard the doors hiss open, and she listened for the footsteps which would announce someone approaching.

She heard non.

Instead, she heard a pair of splashes, then the doors hissed shut again.

That was odd…

L’Nari’s chest rose as she inhaled deeply, the scent of some fragrance reaching her nose before she let out a sigh and opened her eyes.

”What the hell?” L’Nari gasped, her rapidly folding back against her head in surprise as she took in the scene before her. There was nobody else in the baths, no one to be seen. There was, however, two large masses of bubbles surging up and out of the other two jacuzzies, seeming to grow and spread like some sort of strange, effervescent life form.

”Of for the love of… shit!” L’Nari cursed, scrambling out of the jacuzzi and making a dash for the door, her destination half obscured but the rising mass of bubbles. Her wet feet skidded ont eh slick floor as she hurried form the room, rushing towards the locker room and her combadge so she could report… whatever this was…
 

She'd been busy all that day, because of course she had. It was late, long after her shift was over, yet here she was all the same. A PADD in one hand, and a cup in the other, Nat's eyes were not on where she was going. Moving on muscle memory was a well practiced habit at this point, as she'd had the office for some time. So it was of no surprise that she fell into her seat without a single glance down. The sudden noise ripping across the room had her bouncing right back up, dropping the PADD and nearly spilling the drink in the process. "What the actual fuck? she blurted out to the empty room, turning and staring down.

Her eyes went wide as she looked at the small, flat inflatable object which lay there, flattened out, and the picture atop, now wrinkled from being sat on. The picture displaying two familiar faces. On the left was the bald head and ridged nose of Cross, the Vulcan wearing a stupid grin and having what appeared to be a pair of bright blue and orange gummy bears stuck to his chin as he grinned idiotically out from the photo with the beginnings of a grimace on his features. To his left was the unmistakable face of Blue Tiran, who had apparently been caught off-guard by the candies stuck to Cross’ face, and had been captured in the midst of laughing and spraying a beverage of some sort out of her mouth and nose, showering the Vulcan in whatever she had been trying to drink. Across the bottom of the photo the words “Commander Stank’s Seat, Martian Butts Only” had been scrawled in blue marker, with the line of text finished off with a smiley face.

For a long moment she just stared, waiting for the beating of her heart to slow down back to normal. Then she let out a grunt, not quite amused, not quite angry. It was...childish. And everything she expected of Blue Tiran. Perhaps not so much of Cross. With another grunt she picked it up and moved to the replicator to recycle it. She'd use the material for something more constructive as she pondered just what todo about the pranksters.

The two of them were long past the art of stealth and moving without being seen.  But, it wasn't unusual for officers to come into the Arboretum to enjoy themselves whether it was drinking, taking walks, taking naps, or pretending that they weren't fucking up the delicate plants in the large space.  Right now, these two hwer emost definitely super fucked and were skipping, arm in arm down the trail. 

“Follow the yellow brick road!”

“What the... Blue there is no brick or road.”

“It's from a fucking movie you classless fucker.” she grumbled.  “Just skip fucker!”

They skipped down the pathway as Blue sung the song at the top of her lungs.  People looked over their shoulders and shook their head at the sheer spectacle of Blue Tiran, in her uniform, and Cross in his, skipping down the fucking pathways with big grins on their faces.  Cross eventually joined in with the song, echoing every line that Blue said only moments when she was finished with it.  Almost like a round robin of the song, which made it that much worse.  Plus Blue couldn't hold a fucking tune no matter what she did, so it was a nice assault on the ears as well.

They  continued on, knowing that they needed to find that nosy one, the one that tried to 'reach' her on the Versant and the one that needed to be reminded to  mind her own fucking business.  But as the pair skipped and sang hrough the arboretum they stopped short!

“It's a pool.”  Cross stated calmly.

“Fucker that's a fucking pond!” Blue said as the two stopped and just stared at the medium body of water, for a ship this size, that reflected the beauty around it in it's serene surfaces.

“I wanna go in!” Blue said.

“I don't think it's deep enough.” Cross sighed dramatically as he despondantly tossed another gummed bear into his mouth, before handing Blue the bag to get her own.  Which she did. 

“Fine!  Fucker.  You always ruin everything!”

“I do not we just have to.. think about this... why is there a replicator over there?” 

Sure enough, Blue turned and there was a replicator built into the wall between all the labs, likely for the people that worked the arboretum and yet tonight it would be used for more nefarious means.  Blue clapped her hands and giggled as she rushed over to the device and began to work on what she wanted.  She knew that it would take some materials, some time, and some serious perfection but it was going to be fucking awesome. 

“Here.” she handed the large item to Cross who took it in both of his.

“What the .. this is hajarl genius!”

“I know, fucker!”

Blue hoisted up her yellow rubber prize and the two of them carted them across the arboretum and towards the pond they had, only minutes ago, pondered swimming in.  Of course, Blue had made sure to adequately name and in Cross' situation, labeled, both of them.  Blue looked down at the beautiful floating rubber ducky shaped raft. Scrawled on the ass of both sides was the words, in blue marker, USS FULCAN. 

Cross, who had opted for a generic raft that was more boat shaped, with cup holders for his gummy bear bag, and everything, had been clearly labeled.  At every point when one of the air valves was seen, and they were labeled.  'CROSS' PENIS PORT, INSERT FOR PLEASUREABLE EXPERIENCES'.  Another stated 'NOT V, BUT IT'LL DO IN A PINCH' and the last one was labeled 'INDUCTION PORT, LUBRICATION REQUIRED'.  Cross' boat was also named.  USS ROBOPHELIA. 

Blue could be clever at times. 

They put their boats in the water, and Cross came over to add Andorian style antennae made out of blue pipe cleaners to the duck stuck with silver duct tape, and used the blue marker that Blue had been rather free with to actually draw little ridges on it's forehead too.  Now the Ando-Klingon-Duck was ready for water.  They both jumped into their boats on opposite sides of the pond and began sailing for each other.  Both of them armed with bags of gummies, curse words, and laughter. 

“Fuck you!” Blue cried out grabbing a handful of gummies and tossing them at Cross' direction.  They pelted his boat and peppered him, others splashing a bit in the water around the boat and they floated on the surface. 

“Hajarl Blue, twinkie addict!” he shot back throwing a handful back at her. 

Back and forth the two of them laughed, shot each other with gummies, and great insults about induction ports, Ranaan's shaved ball sack, and V's slick metallic hands.  They paid no attention to the officers that were calling for them to get out of the fucking pond or that they were disrupting the delicate ecosystem with their gummy bears.  They were having too much fucking fun.

It wasn't until security got involved.

“Lieutenant Commanders, you need to come out of the pond now.” came the voice of one such Security officer.

“You'll have to come and getttttttt me.” Blue singsonged as she lay in her ducky float.  Feeding herself gummy bears as if she was a Roman eating grapes.  One at a time, dropping them in her mouth, squishing them between her teeth and then moving onto the next one.

“Commanders, you'll be relegated to the Brig if you do not adhere.”

“Cross!  He said adhere!” she cried out from her duck earning her a laughing Vulcan as he too was laid out spread eagled in his boat, looking up at the ceiling while eating more gummy bears as well, the large nearly empty bag resting on his stomach. 

“You can't see us if we close our eyes real tight!” Cross cried out.

More Security officers arrived and the one that had been talking to them ordered them into the pond.  Sure enough, they began wading towards the other two.  “Come on Cross, get the fuck up.  RAMMMMMING SPEEEEEEED!”

The two shot up out of their boats, and into sitting positions among the rubber.  They began using their hands to paddle the boats towards the security officers with the intent to ram them, and it might have been impressive if it weren't a bright yellow Ando-Klingon-Duck and a boat that was labeled for it's sexual ports.  They worked themselves over towards the Sec officers as they continued to wade carefully into the pond and then they caught the Duck and the Boat by the front and pulled the officers up into the shore. 

“You'll have to come with me now.” the asshole stated.

“Buzz kill!” Blue yelled out as they were both handed blankets and marched out of the Arboretum.  “We'll get him fucking next time.” Blue found herself grinning over at Cross.