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Day 10 [0720 hrs.] Experience Merit Emulation

[ Drauc T'Laus | NCO Quarters | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Griff  
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While the hour was early, Drauc hoped to make his visit prior to the beginning of alpha shift. Thus, he walked the corridors to the door that Thea had told him about, knowing that Lillee t'Jellaieu resided there.

His gait was slow, not wishing to provoke the sub-dermally treated internal organs and his mended ribcage. He was no longer in pain, though he did feel a certain tightness across his lower chest when taking deep breaths. Allegedly, this temporary transition would be alleviated over the course of the coming week, during which he was forbidden to preform any high-intensity cardiovascular exercise. He had inquired as to whether or not he might use the steam room, and the physicians had not seen any detriments in that, for which he was grateful. After speaking with Petty Officer t'Jellaieu, he would do so, since the public baths were oft empty in the beginning of alpha shift.

This was not the case as he treaded down the corridor, since most officers were awake and preparing for the shift to start. Their minds imposed upon his own, and he clenched his jaw - using the tightness as a focal point to shutter his thoughts from that of others. He cared not to dwell on the shower-thoughts of the crew, nor how they might wish to style their hair. Much less their relationship troubles or their worries about the mission - where the Theurgy might do battle anew. The maelstrom of minds that washed over him might not be entirely uncommon a theme whilst dwelling aboard a ship the size of the Theurgy, but it remained nonetheless unwelcome.

Still, Drauc knew that his best opportunity to speak with another Romulan - this companion-in-arms that he'd fought alongside twice - was right that morning, and not later. Beyond sharing the same blood as himself, t'Jellaieu had other experiences that might aid him. So, he hoped to get her counsel, if she was willing to give it.

When he reached the door to her NCO quarters, he pressed the chime, and when a chirp prompted it, he revealed his identity and presence. "It is Drauc T'Laus, may I speak with you?"

That Lillee was there, he had no doubt, for he could sense her mind through the door.

Re: Day 10 [0720 hrs.] Experience Merit Emulation

Reply #1 –
[PO3 Lillee t’Jellaieu | NCO Quarters | Deck 11 | USS Theurgy] Attn: @Auctor Lucan

Commander Fisher, I wish to emphasise once more the weight of my request, backed up by my battle record...

"Fvadt," Lillee swore under her breath, erasing the line on her PADD. She leaned back in her chair behind the desk, rubbing her aching forehead ridge. The accursed document had been weighing on her mind for weeks, even as Lillee submitted the information request, was denied, modified then resubmitted and was denied again. This was the fourth submission to Intelligence and she had to get it right, to spark the stodgy human's attention and get him to act. All other avenues came up empty. With a sigh, Lillee felt the futility of her quest weigh down on her. She rarely felt dissapointment or shame for being an unimportant enlisted pilot, but surely an officer could make something happen, right? If she was a lieutenant, someone might actually listen...

The final desperate option hung in Lillee's mind, and she winced in disgust. Anh-Le could and probably would make it happen, but using her in such a way was deeply unsettling. Besides, as naive, cute and head-over-heels as Anh-Le was, she was also very intelligent and well trained. Manipulating her was both frighteningly easy and frighteningly risky. Even the attempt could land Lillee in the Brig, to say nothing of destroying the relationship. Sure, she'd do anything for the babes, but still...

"FVADT!" Lillee swore again, this time more loudly. Giving up the form for the morning, she stood up and stretched, wearing only her pants and a vest. A couple more hours of sleep before her shift was tempting, as anxiety had woken her in the first place, but Lillee recognised the futility of it. Instead, reluctantly, she went to the replicator to replicate some coffee. The cup was still materialising when the chime went off.

Moderately curious about who the visitor might be, Lillee picked up her coffee and went to the door. Her eyes widened in surprise when it opened. The last time she'd seen her visitor, they'd been surrounded by Klingon blood and body parts.

"Drauc!" Lillee said, blinking. After the shock passed, she held up a hand and bscktracked to her roommate's bedroom door, checking the indicator. "Oh, good. Pardon me, Drauc; my roommate is Reman, and he is twitchy around our kind, but he is out at the moment. Come in, please. What may I do for you? It is good to see you well after the battle."

Re: Day 10 [0720 hrs.] Experience Merit Emulation

Reply #2 –
[ Drauc T'Laus | NCO Quarters | Deck 11 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Griff  
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The residual turmoil in Lilleee's mind faded when he entered through the sliding doors, so Drauc did not immediately inquire as to what was amiss. With the cacophony of minds around him, hers was not easy to isolate, but he believed it may have had something to do with her lost children - the offspring whom she had yet to make contact with since the Theurgy fled Earth. He had picked up on their existence at some point during the time he had spent with her, but they had not become a topic of conversation since the second time they met. They might again, however, given the issue he was bringing to her that morning.

"My gratitude," he rasped and made his way inside, still favouring one side in his gait, but he gave the door opposite of Lillee's a passing glance. In all likelihood, it was Lorad whom resided behind that door - the brother of Samala. They were both familiar to him since the four of them - Lillee included - had convened in the conference room on Deck 01 in the beginning of the shoreleave at Qo'noS. Natalie Stark had adjourned the meeting prematurely since Commander Fisher hadn't observed proper security protocol by inviting a Romulan that hadn't been screened by the anyonic phase protocols of Thea's airlocks and transporter rooms. Since that day, Stark had yet to invite them again, which was something Drauc wasn't sorry about since it had been an unpleasant experience for him.

After entering Lillee's accommodations, Drauc gave the interior a passing glance, and decided upon remaining standing. Agitated by the number of minds beyond the bulkheads, he was flexing his scarred hands inside the sleeves of his threadbare robe. He ground his teeth, and decided to voice his request without preamble, so that he might focus on the conversation and Lillee alone rather than whatever was transpiring mere meters away - as if the soundproof bulkheads didn't even exist. The thoughts and emotions of the Non-Commissioned like a mad chorus of trivialities.

Should I wear the skirt uniform today? I might meet that cute guy from delta shift. Or was he on an away mission today? Better take the skirt. I did shave my legs last night. Drauc blinked, looking at Lillee and trying to focus on her thoughts, but some crewman's lamentations overrode her. Did I replicate this uniform yesterday, or the day before? Ugh, it stinks. I better get a new one. Ugh, I hope the Lieutenant doesn't notice the missing diagnostics. I hate doing maintenance. Drauc blinked again, his knuckles whitening. A Petty Officer, preforming onanism in his sonic shower, imagining Deputy zh'Wann without her uniform, fellating him. Drauc could hear his own knuckles cracking, and he slowly raised a hand to press a finger against his temple, rubbing it.

"I wish to inquire about a conundrum of mine, if you are amendable to give your thoughts. I would benefit from your experiences, since I am lacking in this particular regard," he grated thickly, and he would have continued if his train of thought hadn't been lost in the maelstrom of minds washing across his own.

Re: Day 10 [0720 hrs.] Experience Merit Emulation

Reply #3 –
[PO3 Lillee t’Jellaieu NCO Quarters | Deck 11 | USS Theurgy] Attn: @Auctor Lucan

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Despite her words, it quickly became obvious to Lillee that Drauc was anything but well. His limp was obvious, but it couldn't possibly be from battle; that had been over a week ago. More troubling, however, was the tension that gripped him, and the discomfort that Drauc was in simply standing there. Sensing that compassion was neither desired nor helpful, and aware that he could likely sense her thoughts anyway, Lillee opted to ignore Drauc's condition, instead stepping back beside the desk that she and Lorad shared.

"Of course, I will help if I can," she said, considering Drauc more closely. She imagined that without the scars, both visible and invisible, he would've been quite handsome, but the pain that permeated everything about the man was unmissable. It cast a dark pall all over the poor man. "We are not friends, but we are allies. The Elements have an odd sense of humour, tossing us together, but I know better than to question it."

Lillee scratched her cranial ridge idly, painfully conscious of Drauc's intrusive telepathy, but she just had to accept the violation of privacy as a given.  It wasn't his fault, after all. "I don't know how my experience can be of help to you, though unless you expect to be flying a Valkyrie in the near future. What do you wish to discuss?"

Re: Day 10 [0720 hrs.] Experience Merit Emulation

Reply #4 –
[ Drauc T'Laus | NCO Quarters | Deck 11 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Griff  
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In attempt to ward his mind from the outside influence of the Starfleet officers beyond the bulkheads, Drauc sought the memory of when Lillee had visited his quarters at Aldea - inebriated and for some reason needing to ascertain whether or not he was a threat. She had said that if he was in need of company, she'd be available, and that was one of the reasons why he stood there before her.

He gave voice to another one, speaking in High Rihan. "<Flying hold little interest for me. What I know of your skills in that regard I have heard from Nathaniel Isley. He was my half brother,>" he grated, knowing that she had flown with the late Lone Wolf - the halfblood having met his end battling Romulan ships over Andor. "<Had he not met his end on the battlefield, I would have considered speaking with him as well... though I am unaware as to whether or not he had the experience that would aid me.>"

If his mind worked like others, he may have harboured feelings of loss, but even so, he had spent little time getting to know the man. His death was a loss, but when given the opportunity to feel it, he has grieved Jovela's death more.

"<You, however, have daughters. Ahnlai and Monoui," he rasped, recalling a memory of them that wasn't his own. Lillee pictured her twin girls, blonde and pointy-eared like their mother but bearing the Japanese features of their human father. Pushing the image out of his mind, he continued. "<It has led me to believe you have experience of long-term romantic attachment with a human. This is the experience I seek, for there is a human that has shown such interest in me.>"

He let it remain unsaid, however, whether or not those feelings were reciprocated, because he did not know for certain they were a mere reflection of hers - bleeding into his mind. Just like when Lillee considered him handsome, he found Lillee attractive as well, though neither of them had ever acted on those notions. The instance, in Enyd's case, in which he had gleaned some hope about his feelings being mutual towards her, was when she had fallen unconscious, and residual feelings had still lingered.

"<Do you have any advise in such a situation," he rasped in query, looking at her with an intensity born from shutting out what was happening outside the room they were in, "<knowing how humans act under such circumstances?>"

Re: Day 10 [0720 hrs.] Experience Merit Emulation

Reply #5 –
[PO3 Lillee t’Jellaieu NCO Quarters | Deck 11 | USS Theurgy] Attn: @Auctor Lucan

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Lillee stared, astonished. Finally, with a weary chuckle, she wiped her hand over her face. "Elements ward me, I did not see that coming." The idea of the perpetually grim Drauc having a romantic relationship was bizarre, but Lillee reined in her bafflement. He was asking for help, one rihannsu to another, and so deserved an earnest response, not confusion or mockery. It helped that they were speaking in their native tongue, a language that Lillee had only spoken otherwise to her daughters.

"Drauc," she said as she moved across the room to the small window, the stars twinkling beyond, "you might as well ask whether a ter'ak will cuddle you or bite your leg off if you pat it. Speaking true, I can't give you a general answer. Humans are just...weird." Lillee shrugged helplessly as she looked at him. "With us, there are courting practices, body language, inflections, a hundred dfifferent ways to express romantic interest and reciprocate or decline. Humans, though, are so unpredictable that it's impossible to know how to act. It's frustrating, sometimes. After I defected, my future husband and I spent months trying to work out if the other truly cared for us, and how to move forward. It was exhausting."

It felt odd to talk so openly about Jiang; Lillee hadn't even told Anh-Le about him yet, not in-depth. Perhaps it was the telepathy, knowing that he could read her thoughts regardless, but Lillee felt no need to hide anything. Perhaps it was his guileless demeanour, or his direct sincerity. Perhaps Lillee was just horribly lonely and desperately wanted to trust someone.

"Tell me of this person," Lillee said with a sigh, rubbing a finger along her cranial ridge. "What experiences you have shared, how they have expressed interest, and what you want to happen next."

Re: Day 10 [0720 hrs.] Experience Merit Emulation

Reply #6 –
[ Drauc T'Laus | NCO Quarters | Deck 11 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Griff  
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The question about whom it was that showed affection towards Drauc was no secret he had any intention to keep. He was no Starfleet officer any more, so she was no superior officer of his, and any potential affiliation ran no risk of undermining the chain-of-command. Even if he had still been a Security officer, they would have served in different departments entirely.

"It is Lieutenant Enyd Isolde Madsen," he rasped, speaking still in their native language. He followed Lillee with his stare while she moved through the room. "One of the Assistant Chief Diplomatic Officers. She came aboard while we travelled for Qo'noS."

As for what experiences they had shared, he gave it a moment of thought, unsure how to convey the two encounters in a way that would aid the other Romulan in understanding the context of their affiliation. "She approached me in the Arboretum in a matter relating to her duties, asking about Major Situka, yet her task was compromised by a... strange fascination towards my scars. You know of the abilities the Tal'Shiar cursed me with, so the attraction she felt towards me was no secret... yet you may not know that I tend to emulate those in my company rather than feeling emotions myself. Therefore, I was unsure to which extent my attraction was entirely my own, and how much was mirrored by Lieutenant Madsen's feelings. We parted, though it was plain that she desired an intimate liaison, because I told her I did not know how much of my desires were mine."

Frowning, grinding his teeth to shutter his thoughts from the NCOs outside the bulkheads, he flexed his scarred hands and continued. "The second experience with her was an excursion in the Blng'av Mountain Region, where she invited me to look at the dawn. The mountain region was not safe, however. I had to slay a sabre bear, protecting her, and we could not finish the trek to the intended summit since I required medical attention. I was released from sickbay today. Her interest in me seem to remain, nonetheless, as do my own feelings - such as they may be. As for what is next... I am unsure."

Hopefully, his brief account might aid Lillee in deducing more detailed questions and answers about his situation.

Re: Day 10 [0720 hrs.] Experience Merit Emulation

Reply #7 –
[PO3 Lillee t’Jellaieu NCO Quarters | Deck 11 | USS Theurgy] Attn: @Auctor Lucan

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"Your own feelings, such as they may be," Lillee repeated slowly. She bit her lip as she pondered, tapping her knuckles idly on a bulkhead. She realised that it was little different to gossiping with her friends about that relationships back on Earth, which helped focus her thoughts somewhat. For a brief moment, Lillee thought back with longing for those happier days, when she could enjoy some wine with friends as her girls slept upstairs amid a blessedly hot Khartoum night. It occurred to her that those friends likely thought her long dead, and the house had been empty for months, if it hadn't already been passed on by her in-laws. Lillee even mused on what might've happnened to the cat.

Shaking off the errant thoughts, Lillee considered Drauc. He wasn't being especially helpful, sticking to a strict recitation of events with no description of his own hopes and feelings, but that was to be expected. It was obvious that Drauc wasn't used to talking about such things.

"I am no telepath, obviously, so I cannot advise you there, but I...believe that I understand your concern, and why you wished for a neutral opinion." Lillee crossed her arms. "I know nothing of this woman, so I have no opinion or feelings to contaminate your own. I also feel no attraction to you, so your mind should be clear, yes? Or as clear as it can be?" Lillee paused. "So think of Enyd now, with no mirror to affect you. Think of her smile, her eyes, her body, her voice. Concentrate."

After a few moments, Lillee said quietly, "What are you feeling, Drauc?"

Re: Day 10 [0720 hrs.] Experience Merit Emulation

Reply #8 –
[ Drauc T'Laus | NCO Quarters | Deck 11 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Griff  
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Listening to the advise, Drauc considered the fact that while Lillee herself was not a source for distraction if he were to conduct the mind-exercise suggested, there were other souls in close vicinity. At his own request, the accommodations adjacent to his own quarters didn't house any minds that might bleed into his thoughts, allowing him more restful sleep, but such wasn't the case where they were presently. Lillee was correct, the advise sound, though she didn't consider the range of his abilities. Still, he would try to do as she had suggested.

"When I think of Enyd Isolde Madsen," he rasped quietly, stepping towards the viewport while he tried to concentrate, "I turn to the memories of her, the experiences shared. Those memories are intrinsically laced with the feelings I felt in those moments, be they my own or not. Thus, memories are both treacherous in that capacity, as well as necessary to recollect her."

He took a deep breath, staring at the vista outside. "When I try to think of her appearance and the way she conducts herself, without focusing on the moments shared with her..." he grated quietly, steeling himself by not wishing the minds beyond the bulkheads would influence him, he nonetheless felt the desire that the showering Human felt for Deputy zh'Wann pushing into his thoughts - associating the desire towards Enyd instead. The jittery feeling of the female picking between uniform options filled him with anticipation towards the next time he could see Enyd. The one who worried about the missing diagnostics reports elevated a concern in Drauc that he may have frightened Enyd in the Blng'av mountains.

He shook his head.

"This part of the ship is not quiet enough," he rasped in the end, turning his stare towards Lillee. "Are you amendable to doing this somewhere else?"

Re: Day 10 [0720 hrs.] Experience Merit Emulation

Reply #9 –
[PO3 Lillee t’Jellaieu NCO Quarters | Deck 11 | USS Theurgy] Attn: @Auctor Lucan

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Lillee smiled in resignation. There went the rest of her morning, as was surely the case. Still, she was moderately surprised to realise that the prospect of spending more time with Drauc, learning more about him, was far from objectionable. He was a fascinating man, and a good one, as far as she could tell. Guiding him in his romantic adventure was the least she could do, and heck, it might even be fun to some degree.

"Certainly," Lillee said as she opened the door to her bedroom. Her red shirt and grey uniform jacket were neatly laid out on the bed, and she swiftly began donning them. "About your telepathy...have you ever been to Vulcan, Drauc? I know that it must seem strange to think of going there, but I greatly enjoyed it, and most Vulcans that I met were very kind and open-minded. Perhaps after we prevail against our enemies, you can visit the Vulcan priests there and seek aid?"

A moment later, Lillee returned to Drauc, carefully attaching her rank insignia as she did so. After affixing a combadge to her breast, she looked at him expectantly. "Where would you like to go? I can think of a couple of remote areas onboard that are very isolated, although none that are comfortable or easy to access."

Re: Day 10 [0720 hrs.] Experience Merit Emulation

Reply #10 –
[ Drauc T'Laus | NCO Quarters | Deck 11 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Griff  
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When asked whether or not he had been to Vulcan, Drauc shook his head quietly, before pursing his lips. "I have not, but perhaps their teachings might aid me in centring myself - keeping the minds of others from affecting my own. I would be amendable to make time for a visit unless I die on the battlefield."

As Lillee had prepared herself to leave, Drauc had several options in mind for that specific hour, in which some areas of the ship would grant him respite and room for thought.

"There is a place. Follow me," he rasped, and led the way to the turbolifts close to where Lillee's quarters were at. Once they were both in the turbolift, he spoke anew. "Deck 25."

They were heading to the lowest decks of the ship, and in the aft, just beneath the Lower Shuttle Bay’s maintenance bays, where the corridors were less trodden and the lighting was dimmer. The bulkheads lacked panels, granting easy access to conduits and other technology that were supporting the functions of the decks above. There were no people there, save for rare occurrences were those of the Engineering Department made their rounds, yet such would not be the case for several hours. The quietude of thoughts were the same as the quiet of the ship, the latter consisting of the hum that most whom had served on starships were accustomed to. Below the deck plating, there was just space, which would eventually be replaced by the outer atmosphere of Qo'noS.

If Lillee spoke whilst he showed the way, he would answer, but eventually, they would reach a a window set in the bulkhead, showing the compartment that held one of the aft landing gears. There, Drauc drew to a halt, and turned his head to gaze at the towering, mechanical construct beyond the glass. As far as Drauc knew, having learned the history of the Theurgy's dire straits, the landing gears had last been used on Theta Eridani IV, and when looking closely at the lowermost section of the landing gear, there were still volcanic dust coating the metal.

"When I think of Enyd," he rasped quietly, his mind on the task Lillee had given him, "I recall how, when she was unconscious, my feelings of affection - of attraction - still lingered. This, even without her direct influence. I am doubtful that her dream-state would affect me in this regard, though to be fair, it could be that the effect she had upon me would remain for some time. A delayed reaction, though I am not sure..."

Frowning, Drauc leaned against the bulkhead next to the window - the spot one he often visited to get away from the rest of the crew. "Perhaps... I am merely flattered by her affectations, intrigued by what she might see in me - this mirror of a man that see no other purpose than the one found on the battlefield."

Re: Day 10 [0720 hrs.] Experience Merit Emulation

Reply #11 –
[PO3 Lillee t’Jellaieu NCO Quarters | Deck 11 | USS Theurgy] Attn: @Auctor Lucan

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Lillee was quiet on the journey down, knowing that Drauc was not for one for small talk. Her mind occasionally drifted to mundane matters like shuttle repair, the next time that she'd see Anh-Le, musing on the pleasant evening that she'd spent with Nat. Eventually her thoughts turned to curiosity about their destination as Drauc led her deeper into the ship, to rarely-travelled passageways. A ship as enormous as the Theurgy had many such areas, given its relatively small crew, but even so, Lillee was surprised that she didn't know this one.

"Odd," she mused as she walked. "For three weeks I've worked in that shuttlebay right above us, yet I didn't know of this place. Fascinating."

Listening patiently as Drauc talked, Lillee found a conveniently shaped bulkhead protusion and sat herself atop it. She paid close attention, deeply curious about the odd man before her as much as anything, but also determined to help. Lillee was no counselor, but she hoped that her perspective might be an advantage all the same.

"You don't seem like the type of man to be so easily flattered," she said quietly, contemplating him carefully. "Speaking true, it sounds like you're determined to find an excuse for your attraction to this woman. Is it so terrible, so unimaginable, that what you feel is genuine? I do not see a monster, Drauc, though I know you little. I have witnessed from you compassion, honesty, selflessness, concern for the feelings of others and more."

Lillee paused as she pondered. "That day, when we fought to save Martok's grandson, we didn't do it out of obligation or duty. We fought because any child, even a Klingon child, deserves the chance to grow up safe and loved. It wasn't tactically wise to fight as we did, protecting the boy, but we did it. More, a man incapable of love would not care about respecting this woman's feelings. Logically, then, this suggests that you can exist beyond the battlefield, and you can experience genuine love and affection. Your behaviour stands as evidence."

Lillee hiked her legs up and crossed them, rather enjoying the ambiance of the place. "Drauc, please tell me about this woman. Tell me of her appearance, her personality, how she spoke to you. I would very much like to know more about her."

Re: Day 10 [0720 hrs.] Experience Merit Emulation

Reply #12 –
[ Drauc T'Laus | NCO Quarters | Deck 11 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Griff  
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Thinking about Lillee's first question, whether or not he thought it was terrible if his feelings were genuine. Was he determined to not allow himself to feel? No, he thought, and shook his head in silent answer, it wasn't terrible, nor unimaginable, but unlikely. Was he looking for an excuse to not acknowledge his feelings? No, he didn't think so. She was right, he believed, in that he wasn't easily flattered, since he felt detached from the people around him. So by that logic, he ought to not be flattered by what Enyd seemed to feel for him... but he feared her attraction might be making him amendable to like her.

He glanced Lillee's way when she said he was no monster, that she believed that she'd seen compassion, honesty, selflessness and concern for others in his actions, and he had to give that some thought, not being sure what she based it on since they had met just a handful of times. She aided him, however, by bringing up the example of Martok's grandson.

"It was critical to the mission to save him, though, since it strengthened the future of the House of Martok," he grated idly, quietly, but he didn't contradict Lillee either. He had considered it both an obligation and a duty in the context of the mission, but he couldn't answer on Lillee's behalf, since he couldn't remember if he had even detected why she did what she did when fighting the House Mo'Kai Klingons. It made sense to protect the innocent, regardless of motivations or feelings on his own behalf, because his experience was that they were inherently unmarred when they were that young. They had the potential to keep the peace in the Galaxy, instead of letting fear of the unknown - of strangers - think they needed to protect themselves or their cultures. A vain hope, perhaps, that the children of the future would let him leave the battlefield and pick up the shards of what was left of him.

The next question was about Enyd, again, and Drauc realised that Lillee was finding his answers unsatisfactory. For him, it merely served to shine a light on his inadequacies - the detachment the Tal Shiar had forced upon him, and the subsequent difficulty to speak of his own feelings. He couldn't grasp what she wanted from him, so he would just tell her what came to mind.

"She wears her emotions on her sleeve, her behaviour honest in how she is in alignment with her feelings," he rasped, since that was the first thing he had noticed about her. He kept his shrouded eyes looking towards the deck before him while he considered his answer. "She is not the muted kind, neither in how she behaves nor how her mind works. She strikes me as very intelligent, and she has a more than vivid imagination - the kind that put thoughts into imagery whether she wishes to do so or not. She has a distinct inability to suppress her emotions, but that might have been because she knew she couldn't hide her feelings in my presence. Perhaps she let herself be more honest and open because she had nowhere to hide, since in her line of duty as a Diplomat, it would be crucial to keep a tight rein on herself."

As for her appearance, his duties in Starfleet had been in Security, so his account was narrowed down to the basics - her physical form secondary to the impressions her mind had been giving him. "Brown hair, green eyes, fair complexion," he added, unsure what more there was to say, he glanced in Lillee's direction. "A little bit shorter than you, with a quite svelte figure. Some light scarring."

Drauc trailed off, unsure what Lillee wanted to know.

Re: Day 10 [0720 hrs.] Experience Merit Emulation

Reply #13 –
[PO3 Lillee t’Jellaieu NCO Quarters | Deck 11 | USS Theurgy] Attn: @Auctor Lucan

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Lillee watched and listened as attentively as she could, aided by the solitude and calm of the place. She was no psychiatrist, however, and she was coming to see the counselors with new respect. It felt as if she was flying blind, where even the slightest movement in the wrong direction could see them both crash and burn. Lillee was only just beginning to see how oddly vulnerable Drauc was, despite his formidable demeanour and skill in battle.

Not for the first time in her life, as Drauc spoke of Enyd with such confusion, Lillee felt a stab of white-hot hatred for the Tal Shiar and their dark senatorial masters. She suspected that Drauc was a sweet and honourable man underneath the pain that they'd inflicted on him, but even he couldn't see it, or accept it.

Quickly clamping down on her strong feelings, Lillee considered Drauc thoughtfully. "And does anything happen when you think of her in such detail?" she asked quietly. "When you see her smile, hear her laugh, does anything happen like it did when you were together? Anything at all?"

Careful to keep her own mind blank, Lillee continued, "Affection is not such an unknown to you, yes? You must have experienced it in the mind of others countless times. You know what it feels like. Concentrate on this woman, imagine any number of scenarios, such as Enyd being harmed, murdered...see her smiling at you...imagine youself being intimate with this woman if you like; I will not judge. Close your eyes and lose yourself in this woman. Whatever you feel, even if it's nothing, should, I hope, be your answer."

Re: Day 10 [0720 hrs.] Experience Merit Emulation

Reply #14 –
[ Drauc T'Laus | Corridor Adjacent the Aft Landing Gears | Deck 25 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Griff  
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Before Lillee smothered them, Drauc had briefly detected the feelings of pity she held for him and his fate as a victim of the Tal Shiar. Yet not just sympathy, he sensed, but a notion about him being something more than he seemed. Or rather, regret about something he could no longer be? Even though he couldn't find it in him to agree, he got the notion that Lillee even believed him capable of feeling still - his emotions merely dampened by the pain of his experiences. He looked away, not able to give that any credit, since through his life, his emotions had merely surfaced with the help of others. What he rationalised he ought to feel, he could find in the minds of others. The weakness was in how he was just as likely bereft or betrayed by that ability, when those minds didn't equal his rationale.

It surprised him that Lillee would think so highly of him when all she ought to see was merely a soulless warrior.

The task given to him, however, was to search for that soul, and by recognising any lingering emotions, Lillee seemed to hope that he may find something in the desolation of his mind, where the echoes of others were far louder. "The difficulty," he rasped, and shifted a little so that he might take some tension off his right side, "is disassociating my memories of her from the feelings I was imbued with at those times I met her. It is easier said than done. Attraction is something I have felt in others, yes, and I have no doubt that she was attracted to me, for some reason, but whether or not my reaction merely mirrored hers is more difficult to ascertain. Scenarios, you say..."

Not being very imaginative, the challenge presented itself right away. Being a shell of a man, reactive more than anything else, putting focus into make-believe didn't come easy to Drauc. He tried, of course, attempting to picture himself with Enyd, though his mind went to memories of her, and the shared time in the mountains. There was danger there, presented by the environment, and he thought of the incentive to protect her. "When difficulties came our way... I reacted by solving them to the best of my ability. Her ankle was caught in the riverbed, so I ensured that neither of our bundles of clothing would be wet, throwing them both ashore. I do not know... if that was pragmatism, a residue of my training in Security, or something more. One might say I was protective of her, caring for her, but I protected my fellow officers when on duty as well. I fought to save the people next to me in the Dominion War. Freeing her ankle might just be the same act as pulling someone free from debris. It was my duty, part of what was expected of me."

Frowning, he stared at the deck in front of him, thinking about anything else of relevance. "When I slayed the sabre bear, I did so to save us both. I erred, since got hurt, but I accomplished the task." Drauc shook his head, and whatever frustration Lillee might feel towards his inadequacy, he would share in it. This was not his kind of battlefield. "When trying to merely picture her face before me, bereft of context and memory... I might vaguely appreciate the symmetry of her face... Though I wonder, perhaps if her appearance is secondary to the way she made me feel? I now come to suspect that... I was merely flattered by her affectations, appreciating the honesty of her mind."

Giving that conclusion some thought, he concluded that - to the best of his ability - that was the closest he could come to the truth about his observations. "That honesty... in what she felt for me, it linger more in my recollection of her than the shallow depth of her countenance and her fitness. Her beauty is not as prevalent in my mind compared to the appreciation I found myself in... when letting her soul touch mine. I felt... richer, and more vibrant in her presence, yet I do not know if that is enough."

Perhaps that was all he could feel, in the end? Liking how someone else made him feel, when he could feel nothing at all?

Re: Day 10 [0720 hrs.] Experience Merit Emulation

Reply #15 –
[PO3 Lillee t’Jellaieu NCO Quarters | Deck 11 | USS Theurgy] Attn: @Auctor Lucan

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As Drauc contemplated his own mind, Lillee simply sat and waited. She didn't grow frustrated or impatient, but merely continued to study Drauc intently, not moving a muscle. It was a stark contrast to the fierce woman who'd fought so desperately with Drauc against the Klingons, who often burned so bright with her own fierce emotions.

After Drauc finished speaking, it occured to her with bemusement that she recognised her own subtle emotions; protectiveness, compassion, patience. It was how she felt with her babes; when she taught Monoui how to read, when she'd guided Anhlai into walking, when the girls had their first caiutious playtime with Vulcan children. It was, oddly, even similar to how Lillee felt about Samala, despite the young woman nearly cutting her throat when they first met. The idea of feeling maternal to Drauc was bizarre, yet it was strangely easy at the same time.

"I apologise, Drauc; it is I who erred," Lillee said quietly, slipping into a more formal Hearthworld dialect out of habit. "You don't see faces. Faces and bodies don't matter much to you, I think. You see minds, which are far more important. My grandmother used to say that for all that our people gained when we left Vulcan, we lost something equally precious, the ability to see mind-to-mind. I didn't fully understand her then. I do now."

After considering for a moment, Lillee continued softly, "You feel that this woman's mind is good, yes? Admirable? Beautiful. You like sensing her thoughts, seeing her mind, her honesty, how she sees you. She makes you feel more alive, more vibrant." She smiled. "That is how I feel about Anh-Le, my Enyd. I like watching her mind work. I like how she makes me feel. I like how she looks at me. That's not flattery, Drauc. From my perspective, that is very real."

At that, Lillee hopped off the bulkhead and stretched languidly before regarding Drauc again. "There are two more questions to consider. Is there anyone else in recent times, either on this ship or otherwise, who has had this effect on you? Second: do you want more?"

Re: Day 10 [0720 hrs.] Experience Merit Emulation

Reply #16 –
[ Drauc T'Laus | Corridor Adjacent the Aft Landing Gears | Deck 25 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Griff  
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Looking at Lillee while she hopped down from her perch and stretched, Drauc considered the two questions the other Romulan posed - the supposed resolution for his quandary.

"In different ways, to varying extent," he rasped, but he supposed Lillee wanted context beyond that if he were to properly explore that possibility. "As I have said, individuals have short-term sequelae of conditioning upon me, and as you can guess, all minds are different. Their inherent effect upon me varies to the same degree."

Drauc could but hope what he was saying made sense to Lillee, whom didn't have his experiences or abilities. "I have opinions as to how they might alter my own state of mind," he continued to grate in a low voice, pushing away from the wall and beginning to slowly pace the corridor. "Some undo me and corrupt me until I cannot recognise myself, just like others complement me. Ameliorate me. It may sound selfish to appreciate such company in that context.... though unless you have led the life I've led - where the doubt of my own self is ever-present - it might make more sense that I select company out of such an interest."

The question, however, was whether or not he had felt the same thing he felt in Enyd's company with someone else.

"Yes," he concluded after a couple of seconds, his eyes drawn to the superstructure beyond the window - the towering landing gear of the Theurgy. "Jovela, the former Head Nurse, whom helped me escape Starfleet Medical after the Dominion War. I found her here aboard this ship after the battle of Starbase 84, and in that reunion, there was a sense of belonging with her when I shared her company. She... died, however, in the Spearhead Lounge, when that bomb detonated."

Considering the loss of Jovela, and how resent that had been prior to meeting Enyd, Drauc thought that - perhaps - and affair with Enyd might be too premature. He had yet to gain the assistance of enough minds to grieve the loss of Jovela - the only instance having been the rage of the Klingons that he'd fought alongside Lillee.

Frowning, appreciating how the other Romulan tried to quiet her own mind to not affect his own, Drauc finally answered the second question. "I... am restrictive when it comes to whom I might commune with, but when I find someone that who's company I do enjoy - like yours - I do 'want more' of it. Even when they happen to think themselves maternal in my company. I forgive you for it."

He gave Lillee a glance that signalled that he meant it too.

Re: Day 10 [0720 hrs.] Experience Merit Emulation

Reply #17 –
[PO3 Lillee t’Jellaieu | Corridor Adjacent the Aft Landing Gears | Deck 25 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Auctor Lucan

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Lillee smirked as she crossed her arms and tilted her head to the side. "A joke!" she said with amusement. "Or at least, I believe that was a joke, and I will treasure it as such for the rare prize that it is." Sobering a little, Lillee then very deliberately bowed her head for a full breath. "Speaking true, you honour me, Drauc t'Laus. I am glad to be among your those that you enjoy being with. I believe that this makes us friends, yes?"

Lillee hesitated for a moment, remembering that she was speaking to a rihannsu. Friendship for them in such a context felt quite different to her friendship with Victor or Natalie. It was more serious, more profound, akin to a personal alliance. It was a shared understanding that there was trust, that one would not act against the other, quite different to a more casual friendship, certainly more than a typical alliance. Lillee hadn't had such a bruv'ami for many years; common soldiers rarely had need of them. Intrigue was for the officers. With Drauc, though, it felt appropriate.

Hoping that Drauc sensed her preference not to speak further on the subject, Lillee changed tack. "Whatever you decide to do about Enyd, I suggest that you talk to her when you know what you want. She will surely be waiting for you. Just...please, friend, don't be afraid to try and find some joy. I know that Jovela is gone, but she would want you to be happy, yes?"

With that, Lillee stepped up to the window besides Drauc, her arms still crossed. She repressed the human-influenced urge to hug him, suspecting that he wouldn't appreciate the gesture, and instead simply grinned up at him. "Now, unless you want some advice on how to give Enyd physical pleasure, I don't know what else to add. Can I help you in any other way?"

Re: Day 10 [0720 hrs.] Experience Merit Emulation

Reply #18 –
[ Drauc T'Laus | Corridor Adjacent the Aft Landing Gears | Deck 25 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Griff  
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Because of his situation in life, where he was forced to glean more than others were comfortable with, Drauc was keen to respect boundaries out of courtesy towards favoured acquaintances. So when Lillee asked him about it, yet clearly wished to speak naught further about not having a bruv'ami for many years, Drauc said nothing beyond affirming the observation.

"I believe it does," he rasped, and then looked away from her, the topic left behind. Lillee was already offering her final advice when it came to Enyd, and Drauc had no inkling whether or not her personal experience with Humans influenced her words. Perhaps it might, on some unconscious level or not, given that she even had children of mixed heritage. Though judging by her words, Lillee was more inclined to make sure he found happiness than navigating the treacherous and murky grounds of courtship with a Human. She was right, however, in that Jovela would definitely want him to overcome the grief that he had yet to delve into. If he were to process her loss, he would have to move through the stages of grief at his own pace, whenever he could, but he had no estimate on how he'd do so at the moment. All he said, was all he knew at that point, in regard to Jovela's wishes. "Aye, she would."

The final offer she made, in jest, had Drauc pause for thought. Her humour bled into him, and he felt the corner of his mouth hint at a smile. "I don't believe so. While it would be foolish to assume proficiency in the art of lovemaking since all lovers and species are different," he rasped quietly, giving Lillee a glance, "I believe that between Jovela's teachings, being Risian, and my own experiences - wherein I can respond to any unspoken desire or cue - I ought to be able to preform beyond most expectations. Thank you, regardless, for your time and insight."

Having said as much, he believed she had duties to attend to since the shift was starting. "I will remain here for a while," he added, looking out through the window again, "to ruminate on what we've spoken about."

Re: Day 10 [0720 hrs.] Experience Merit Emulation

Reply #19 –
[PO3 Lillee t’Jellaieu | Corridor Adjacent the Aft Landing Gears | Deck 25 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Auctor Lucan

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Lillee raised an eyebrow at Drauc's summation of his lovemaking prowess. The idea that Drauc used his telepathy in such a manner was fascinating, and she suspected that far from 'beyond most expectations', he might indeed be spectacular. Communication was a tricky thing during sex, eased only after a couple had grown comfortable with one another; the idea that Drauc didn't have to worry about that was a compelling thought.

If Drauc and Enyd ever did experience intimacy, Lillee thought to herself (aware that Drauc was listening), Enyd would surely be a very lucky woman. The thought sparked Lillee's curiosity, but she knew that it would likely never be satisfied. Drauc was a private man, after all, and Enyd was a complete stranger. What happened between them, if anything did happen, would likely stay between them, and their privacy had to be respected.

"Jolan tru, Drauc," Lillee said in farewell, bowing her head with a small smile. "Whatever you choose to do, I wish you the good fortune of the Elements. If you ever want my counsel again, I will be happy to provide it. If you simply want good company, I would like that."

With that, Lillee turned and left, feeling considerably more peppy than earlier. Her own problems had not diminished, and talking to Drauc was a temporary balm at best, but she welcomed it all the same.

- FIN
 
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