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Day 02 [0800 hrs.] All Nightmares End

[Lieutenant Alistair Leavitt | Counselling Offices| Deck 09 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Juzzie

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There was only so much time that Alistair could spend "convalescing". His physical injuries had been healed, while the last of the mystery ​drug given to him by the Relativity doctors had finally left his system. More important, the Theurgy's medical staff had confirmed that there were no traces of nanoprobes or indications of a parasite implantation. The next step after that (and after some fitful sleep) was inevitable, and it was a step that Alistair had taken before, but it wasn't something he looked forward to regardless. He begrudgingly sat down at his desk in his quarters to send in the request, and was surprised within minutes when confirmation came through, along with a name, date and location.

Lieutenant Rhys Williams
Deck 09 - Counsellors' Offices
0800 hrs.

"The heck?" Alistair said, frowning at his monitor. "That was quick."

Nevertheless, he could hardly complain. Thus (with a degree of reluctance), when the next morning came, Alistair got up, showered, put on his uniform and set out to find the offices. He deliberately left early and took his time, taking the opportunity to look around the ship as he went. The corridors were bustling with crew passing to and fro, while on occasion, Alistair passed by a repair crew working on some systems. He even passed by a few doors which were sealed, the rooms they led to still decompressed. The Theurgy had clearly taken one hell of a beating lately, but it was a tough ship. Here and there people gave him odd looks, but Alistair ignored them through long habit. Either they were suspicious of the new face, or more likely, rumours had spread about him. Alistair was past caring, anyway. It had been exactly the same on the Eclipse, especially after...

...after.

Finally Alistair reached the offices. He sighed, briefly closing his eyes, before finding his resolve and tapping the chime.

Re: Day 02 [0800 hrs.] All Nightmares End

Reply #1 –
[Lt. Rhys Williams | Counselling Offices| Deck 09 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Griff

Rhys’ nightmare was finally ending. That morning he had gotten up early, perhaps earlier than he really needed to, he just was struggling to sleep. Anticipation and Coffee making him more than a little twitchy. He was back in a familiar routine. He had taken a sonic shower and stood in the pulsing rays trying to keep the jumbled thoughts from overwhelming him. Once out of his shower, he had laid his uniform out on his bed, and he stood undressed staring at it for a moment.

This had almost been taken from him forever. It had been taken away briefly and he felt lucky it had been returned to him. His purpose and depressingly perhaps his sole reason for continuing to live. Well, this was never going to happen again, his own foolishness would never lead to him loosing something so integral now to his life. Rhys pulled on the uniform like it was a skin he was desperate to inhabit. He looked at himself in the mirror and straightened his already crease free and straight uniform. His eyes flicked to the models of his spaceships, one was slightly off centre, but through sheer force of will he resisted adjusting it. Nothing would happen if it was crooked.

Arriving in his office, his heart beating hard as he stepped over the threshold into a place that to him practically smelled of his failures. Someone had clearly tidied his desk for him.  The day he had been relieved of duty it had been an uncharacteristic mess. He took his seat, until recently the site of a traumatic nervous breakdown.

He sighed and took a deep breath and looked at the terminal in front of him. Appointments had been coming in, he could see plenty against other Counsellor’s names. Stellan seemed to have taken on a few, there was one however sitting unclaimed at the top of the list.  Rhys’ finger flashed out almost stabbing at the screen, eager as he was to begin work again. Lt. Alistair Leavitt? Not a familiar name, but Rhys was determined he would be beginning. No more panic and fear about making other’s lives worse. This one he would help him and improve his life in some way he was determined.

It did not feel all that long until he heard the chime at his door. He coughed straightened up at the desk and just about resisted making his voice crack when he said. “Come in.” In what he hoped was a friendly authoritative tone.

Once Alistair entered, he saw an impossibly neat Starfleet officer. His hair was cropped close, his desk was likely the most orderly on the ship. Rhys was tall and rangy, with a face that made him look a lot younger than he was and he was only 26 anyway. There was something distinctly puppyish about him.

Re: Day 02 [0800 hrs.] All Nightmares End

Reply #2 –
[Lieutenant Alistair Leavitt | Counselling Offices | Deck 09 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Juzzie

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"Hi," Alistair said limply as he stepped inside. "Lieutenant Alistair Leavitt, reporting in as...uh...well, I wasn't ordered. Reporting in. You're Counselor Williams, right?" Alistair appraised the counselor briefly. "I really hope that you're Counselor Rhys Williams, or else I've walked into the wrong office and this is very awkward. I mean, awkward is to be expected after a transfer, I guess, especially on a ship this big. The biggest ship I've been on before this was an Intrepid-class, and the Theurgy has ten times the tonnage of the Pioneer, and...I'm rambling. I'll just shut up now. Sorry."

With that, Alistair just shifted on his feet uneasily. He half wished that the Relativity doctors had given him more of that magic drug before they shoved him into the temporal transporter, just so that he could get through the inevitable awkward first few days aboard the Theurgy. The stuff had enabled Alistair to do insane stuff at Praxis, things he never could've imagined doing normally, and from what the Theurgy's medical staff had said, there had been no side effects whatsoever. It was a shame that they had to delete the chemical signature from the Theurgy's computer, the Temporal Prime Directive being what it was.

Besides, Alistair mused darkly, he remembered his Earth history. Many militaries had used similar drugs on their troops during and after the Third World War, even for some years after First Contact with the Vulcans, often with horrific effect. Just remembering all of that made Alistair queasy; odd, given everything that had happened the past few weeks. It was only then that Alistair realised that his brain was rambling just as his mouth had been, and he forced himself to pay renewed attention to the counselor.

Re: Day 02 [0800 hrs.] All Nightmares End

Reply #3 –
[Lt. Rhys Williams | Counselling Offices| Deck 09 | USS Theurgy ] attn: @Griff

Rhys smiled as Alistair made his way into the room. A well-built fellow older than Rhys and if first impressions were to go anything to go by, profoundly unconfident at least in this situation. “Yes, I am Counsellor Williams, but please call me Rhys.” He said his voice ringing with its natural sing-song quality.

Rhys laughed a little when Alistair mentioned this would be an awkward situation if he had come to the wrong place. Rhys recognised humour being used as a method to self-distract from clear feelings of anxiety. The same was true of the rambling about the ship.  “Not at all. You don’t need to apologise to me. Rambling is fine, if you are going to do it anywhere this is the perfect place to do it.”

Rhys paused for a moment noting how Alistair remained standing. Rhys pointed to a set of soft squashy chairs against one wall of his office. They were the kind that were really comfy but incredibly difficult to get out of once in them. “Please take a seat. Lieutenant. May I call you Alistair?” Said Rhys inclining his head a little to the side as he spoke. His voice remained light, soft, and even. He needed to calm this guy down before they could do anything meaningful.

Rhys stood himself and went towards the replicator. “Is there anything you would like? I am going to have some tea.” He turned to the machine, spoke a few words a mug of tea materialised. Asking Alistair if he wanted anything fulfilled two purposes. People who had something to do with their hands often behaved less anxiously, and of course it gave Rhys a chance to think about his approach. “Have you had any counselling sessions before?” Said Rhys in a friendly conversational tone. He guessed from the way Alistair was acting, probably not but it was best to make sure.

Re: Day 02 [0800 hrs.] All Nightmares End

Reply #4 –
[Lieutenant Alistair Leavitt | Counselling Offices | Deck 09 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Juzzie

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Alistair sat down, relieved by how relaxed the counselor seemed to be, matching the sinfully luxurious chair. "Alistair is fine, thanks," he said amicably. "And...uh...some lephberry cider should do me fine. Warm. The pattern should be in the Theurgy's computer. Starfleet included that pattern in the general software update a couple of months before the Theurgy left Earth. Well, I guess 'left' is an understatement. I saw the videos on the FNN. I'm amazed the Theurgy escaped, given how many ships were after you."

As Rhys replicated the cider, Alistair had a moment to answer his next question. "Uh...yeah," he said with a bit more assuredness now that the initial awkwardness had passed. "I fought in the war. I lost friends, saw action, all that stuff. I spent time in therapy afterwards, alongside my regular duties, just like the other vets on the crew. Starfleet ended up assigning an extra counselor to the Pioneer temporarily just to keep up with the workload. I'm not really new to the process. Besides, the DTI...uh, sorry, the Department of Temporal Investigations, they encourage personnel to take care of themselves, especially after a temporal incident. I had to go through psych evals before they even let Starfleet transfer me there, then regular annual evals afterwards. The DTI take mental health very seriously, even for people who don't time travel."

Re: Day 02 [0800 hrs.] All Nightmares End

Reply #5 –
[Lt. Rhys Williams | Counselling Offices| Deck 09 | USS Theurgy ] attn: @Griff

Warm cider was an interesting choice. Rhys was used to it being cold and fairly alcoholic. Still, he replicated what Alistair had wanted. The man was an operations officer through and through that was obvious, and that made Rhys smile in affectionate memory for his time in the gold uniform. “I’m always amazed at what is no programmed in automatically. I’ve added a few things myself on the sly of course.” He said a mischievous grin directed towards Alistair.

“You understatement could say that yes. It seems as if this ship has wondered from one major disaster to another. I am impressed by the crew’s resilience.” He carried the drink over Alistair and took a seat in an equally squashy chair just opposite. He placed his tea on a small table on the side and held the PADD lazily on his lap.

Rhys listened as Alistair answered his question about previous counselling. Some of the awkwardness seemed to have dropped out of him which was exactly what Rhys had hoped for. He did however wonder why Alistair had been so nervous if he had done counselling before, though of course sharing your feelings with a stranger was never easy. “I can only imagine the kinds of stresses Temporal work can put on a person’s mental health.” He had read some papers on it, but still it seemed an area that was understudied in his experience.

“Alistair what are you hoping to get out of these sessions?” Rhys said attempting to gage the other man’s expectations of what was going to happen. Sometimes people came in expecting to feel better immediately after all.

Re: Day 02 [0800 hrs.] All Nightmares End

Reply #6 –
[Lieutenant Alistair Leavitt | Counselling Offices | Deck 09 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Juzzie

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It was a simple question, but it threw Alistair all the same. He ran a hand over his shaved scalp, looking to the side as he considered. "Honestly, Counsell...uh...Rhys? I hadn't gotten that far. I know that I've been through some traumatic stuff, and I know that this is something I need to do, but...uh...I don't know what's next."

He sighed. "Hell, I don't know. I just want to be functional, you know? I want to do everything I can to stop the Infested. Right now, I feel like I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I've had nightmares the last couple of nights, and I get...uh, cold, I guess, sometimes, whenever I think about that stuff. I'm okay otherwise, though, but I figure that I'm going to crash eventually. It's all going to hit me one day, everything that happened, and then I'll probably spend a good day or so crying in a corner."

Alistair smiled, although there was no humour in his eyes. "I shouldn't complain. I survived. Most of the others didn't. Captain Jiji, Commander Cak, Lieutenant al-Hamza, Nadene..." Realisation struck Alistair then, and he winced as he looked at Rhys. "Oh. I'm an idiot. I haven't filed a report. You have no idea what I'm talking about. Sorry." He paused. "Er...I should tell you now. I had experiences with the Niga virus, with the Borg and with the Infested. I know that the Theurgy crew have suffered with all three. I don't know if, uh, if you've got any trauma yourself, but I'd understand if it means you have to send me to another counsellor, to play it safe. I don't want to compromise anyone else's mental health when talking about this stuff."

Re: Day 02 [0800 hrs.] All Nightmares End

Reply #7 –
[Lt. Rhys Williams | Counselling Offices| Deck 09 | USS Theurgy ] attn: @Griff

Rhys really felt for the man he looked so uncomfortable and unsettled. What he described seemed to contain a lot of anxiety. He seemed to be waiting for a trigger. The biggest fear Rhys could see so far was losing emotional control. Rhys had experienced that himself before, so it was a very familiar feeling. Things seemed to come out of Alistair rapidly in a stream.

Rhys simply sat in silence, occasionally nodding, and noting things down. Alistair’s anxieties felt a lot like a huge wave overcoming a dam. Rhys thought it would be best to let him get it all out and express his experiences in as much detail as possible before commenting himself.

Eventually Alistair’s stream of consciousness seemed to subside with his expression of concern for Rhys’ own mental health. ‘Very empathetic’ wrote Rhys on his PADD. Rhys gave a soft friendly smile. “Don’t worry about me, I hear stories like this very often.” Of course, if only Alistair knew that he in some ways had just cause to be worried about Rhys given he had only just been reinstated after a breakdown. Rhys conspicuously did not give a direct response about his own trauma. However, Rhys did wonder if Alistair’s empathy here was being used as an avoidance technique. He would need to gather more information before coming to a conclusion about that.

Rhys took a brief moment. “I am sorry you have been feeling like this. I want to assure you I will do all I can to help you.” He said sympathetically. “Going back to what you said at the beginning, about being functional. Do you think you think you have been functional, and if not how has what has happened affected your work and personal life?”

It was a broad place to start and would hopefully get Alistair to start thinking about his trauma in a more analytical way. “Have these feelings led you to stop doing things you normally enjoy for example.” It was very common for someone in emotional distress to stop doing fun things, maybe to lose appetite or have it increase.

Re: Day 02 [0800 hrs.] All Nightmares End

Reply #8 –
[Lieutenant Alistair Leavitt | Counselling Offices | Deck 09 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Juzzie

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"Enjoy?" Alistair repeated dully, looking aimlessly to the side. "Enjoy. Uh...there wasn't much to enjoy. We didn't get any racing broadcasts in 2387, Earth, Pacifica and everywhere else having been assimilated. Before the wormhole sucked us to 2387, I guess I was...uh...having fun. A whole ship full of scientists, just playing with a wormhole for weeks on end. Even when Captain Jiji pulled me off the wormhole project, I didn't mind. I'm...uh...what people call a code monkey. Working out cyber defences in case the Theurgy entered our sector was a fun challenge." Alistair smirked mirthlessly at that, still looking into nothing. "Got to love the irony."

He took a breath, settling deeper into the comfy armchair. "That's my story, anyway. My ship got sucked into a post-apocalyptic alternate timeline. The Borg were everywhere, the Federation had been wiped out. We were just trying to survive. I started seeing someone...just finding comfort in the nightmare, you know. Then we landed on Betazed and she got infected with Niga. The entire away team did, except for me and Commander Cak."

Alistair stopped then, and was silent for a long while, simply taking deep breaths. "A few days later, the Infested found us. Chased us down, beat down our shields, boarded us. I...uh..." He paused again, closing his eyes briefly. "The...uh...the Infested. She tortured us, one after another. Forced Captain Jiji to watch. I was next in line when the Relativity beamed the survivors away. When the monster saw that we were being beamed away, she...she..."

His entire body shuddered, his breath ragged. "That was...I don't know. Two days ago, my reference, give or take? I got sent to Praxis before I had a chance to think. Now I don't know what to...uh...do. I know that I should be a mess right now. I'm not sure why I'm not. I don't know what comes next."

Re: Day 02 [0800 hrs.] All Nightmares End

Reply #9 –
[Lt. Rhys Williams | Counselling Offices| Deck 09 | USS Theurgy ] attn: @Griff

When Alistair responded to his question about activities he might enjoy, it was clear he had not fully understood what Rhys was asking. Nevertheless, Rhys remained quiet as Alistair spoke. His head slightly tilted as he tried to take in as much information as he could. It seemed he was a man who enjoyed work and perhaps devoted a little too much time to it as far as Rhys could see. That was a state of being he had a lot of sympathy for. IT was so easy to end up so wrapped up in your work till it was all you did. It did not help that Alistair’s crew had clearly been in a perilous situation near constantly by the sounds of it.

Rhys shivered a little any time Alistair mentioned the Borg. He had always been especially terrified of him. His mother had been killed by them at Wolf-359. They had descended on the USS Cayuga when he had been on board like a plague. They were a recurring nightmare for him. Rhys sipped his tea to cover a little how uncomfortable the mention of them made him.

Then Alistair talked of the Niga, and it seemed to Rhys as if Alistair had wondered from disaster to disaster. It was not wonder he had found himself here. Then Alistair said something that caused Rhys’ ears to prick up. That he did not feel that he was a mess right now and that he ought to be. Anhedonia a feeling of numbness or nothingness in response to a traumatic event.

Rhys smiled reassuringly, “Feeling that way, feeling nothing in the immediate aftermath of something traumatic is quite common.” He moved his hands expressively, “You are by no means on your own in feeling that. Its likely that eventually that numbness will dissipate, but when that happens your feelings might return with a vengeance.” He wasn’t sure if Alistair was the type of person who responded well to an arm around the shoulders or not, so he remained where he was. Though the loss and confusion that was apparent made Rhys want to do that. “Hopefully that gives you an idea of what may come next and help you prepare for it.” He paused and regarded Alistair carefully for a moment. “What do you want to come next?” Hopefully Rhys would be able to help him arrive at whatever that place was.

Re: Day 02 [0800 hrs.] All Nightmares End

Reply #10 –
[Lieutenant Alistair Leavitt | Counselling Offices | Deck 09 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Juzzie

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Rhys's observation that everything would likely hit Alistair eventually was expected, but no more welcome for it. Alistair sank a little in his chair, his thoughts on that moment when all the horror, pain and trauma would smash him into a sad little puddle. He'd hopped from one crisis to the next without having time to process anything; first, getting dragged into a nightmare future. Then, seeing the recordings of all those worlds getting wiped out, all those billions of lives. Then the Niga experience, and wasn't that a confusing mess...sure, he'd been raped and violated, but he'd also enjoyed it...but he'd seen the others so horribly transformed, perpetually sex-crazed beyond reason. Then the attack on the Eclipse, seeing everyone hurt, tortured to death...then dragged to the Relativity, and on to the battle at Praxis...

What would the next crisis be? Alistair completely tuned Rhys out as he pondered the question. Klingons betraying the Theurgy, boarding the ship? A massed attack of cloaked Romulan warbirds that destroy the Theurgy, forcing Alistair and other survivors into escape pods? A Starfleet attack? Would that crisis come before Alistair inevitably broke down?

It took him a few moments to clock on that Rhys asked a question, and Alistair realised belatedly that he'd been staring dumbly into the corner of the counselor's office. He looked at Rhys, smiling apologetically.

"Uh, sorry,"he said reflexively, running a hand over his bald head. "Er...long term, defeat the Infested, save the Federation, do the hero thing, you know, all that stuff. I haven't lost sight of that. I'm pissed that I didn't get much of a choice about joining this fight, but I know lots of other people on this ship didn't get a choice either. I'm still committed. I'll do whatever it takes. Anything."

Alistair sighed, shaking his head. "Short term? Uh, I'm not sure. I know we should have some downtime here at Qo'nos while we make repairs, but...uh, I don't know what to do with it. All I've done for the past few weeks is fight or work double shifts preparing to fight. I haven't had real time off since...when I got reassigned from the Glowworm, I guess. A couple of years ago."

He paused then, his hands fidgeting nervously. "I don't...I don't know how to switch off. To turn the safety on. How does someone switch off? When I'm carrying all this, all the time, like some walking bomb, waiting to detonate?" Alistair chuckled humourlessly at the similie, hating how accurate it felt.

Re: Day 02 [0800 hrs.] All Nightmares End

Reply #11 –
[Lt. Rhys Williams | Counselling Offices| Deck 09 | USS Theurgy ] attn: @Griff

Rhys could see Alistair slump in his seat. That was upsetting to see but not surprising. No one wants to hear those intense feelings are likely to come down the pipeline. It took Alistair a few moments to respond to Rhys’ question. Rhys simply sat quietly and waited for Alistair to gather his thoughts. It was key not to put any pressure on him. Rhys was there to be a guide to offer suggestions and help, what Alistair needed to do would have to ultimately come from him.

He at least initially seemed to have misunderstood Rhys’ question. He would have to work on phrasing it more clearly. He had been thinking more about what Alistair wanted from these sessions. However, as Rhys continued to let Alistair speak, he could tell there were things that they could discuss, and that Alistair could get out of the sessions if he wanted. An inability to switch of again seemed to be key. In some ways it was not surprising that such a dedicated man when faced with difficulties of this nature would find it hard to switch off. It also displayed a significant and understandable anxiety.

“I meant more what you want to achieve from these sessions.” Rhys smiled kindly “But you have given us an avenue to go down.” He noted the fidgeting. The sign often of someone who was deeply uncomfortable. “Some people do something physical; some do something mental or a combination of both.” Rhys pointed to the corner of the room where a battered acoustic guitar baring a faded sticker of a Red Dragon stood. Alistair would also notice a handful of little spaceships. “I play music or make something. Some people go into the holodeck and do something very physical or just walk.”

He paused as he considered other options. “Some people find spending time with a friend and talking helps. Even something as simple as changing out of your uniform, it can act as a mental signifier that work time is over.” He smiled reassuringly “There are as many different options as there are people.” He cocked his head a little “Do you think any of those would work for you? If not, we can look together at finding something.” He sipped his tea; another think that helped relax him.


[OOC; I am so sorry for the delay]

Re: Day 02 [0800 hrs.] All Nightmares End

Reply #12 –
[Lieutenant Alistair Leavitt | Counselling Offices | Deck 09 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Juzzie

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Alistair was quiet for a moment, considering Rhys as he pondered. "I enjoy working out, I guess," he said slowly, glancing out at the window at the busy shipyard. "It's a recent thing, but I've really been enjoying it. I was never out of shape, exactly, you know Starfleet fitness regs, but when I got assigned to the Eclipse, I really got into it. It was a competition between the scientists and the security people, and...uh...I found that it's nice to just go hard at it. Push the body so hard, sweat so much, burn so much, that I just stop thinking. Just switch off. I haven't done that since coming here...guess I need to get back to that. All that PT saved my life down on Praxis more than once."

Realising that he'd been rambling, Alistair flashed Rhys an embarrassed little smile. "Uh, right, anyway. You're spot on, Couns...sorry, Rhys. I, uh, don't really have any friends onboard. Maybe Commander Cross, he seemed alright...badass and awesome, a little intimidating, but nice. Lieutenant zh'Wann saved my ass, and Ensign Pierce too, I need to thank them both. I guess it's not that different to transferring to a new posting, except for...you know...everything."

Alistair rubbed the back of his neck, shifting in his chair. "It's nice to think about this stuff instead of...uh, the other stuff. I talked to Ghebo a bit...uh, a friend on the Eclipse, she caught Niga on the Betazed mission, but the EMH couldn't help her like he did me...I mean, he tried, I'm sure he tried, but he couldn't...uh..." Alistair closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, his hands clenched into fists. After a few moments, he sighed. "Uh...other than that, it was all shield modulation and encyption and studying how the Borg assimilated Earth and the other core worlds. This...um...so...what's life like on this ship? It's a dreadnought, so there must be all sorts of nice things, right, besides the holodecks?"

It was a weak attempt at deflection, but it was as good as Alistair was going to manage.

Re: Day 02 [0800 hrs.] All Nightmares End

Reply #13 –
[Lt. Rhys Williams | Counselling Offices| Deck 09 | USS Theurgy ] attn: @Griff

Rhys raised an eyebrow and there was a faint hint of a amusement as Alistair indicated he ‘guessed’ that he enjoyed working out. “I am shocked at that revelation.” Said Rhys jokingly as he allowed himself to take in Alistair’s well-built body for a moment. There was no hint of malice in Rhys’ humour just good-natured amusement. “I’d love to see what you would look like if you more than ‘guessed’ about it.” Rhys could easily have seen the man playing Rugby with a build such as he had.

As he listened to Alistair talk about his exercises and competition, he had gotten involved with on the Eclipse Rhys nodded and smiled making a note on his PADD. Alistair flashed him an embarrassed smile, and Rhys felt his heart break a little. He was worried about rambling that much was clear, and Rhys wanted him to ramble to get his feelings out in his own time. Not for the first time in their discussion he had wanted to give the poor man a hug, but that would not have been professional.

He took the opportunity in a break in Alistair’s flow to simply say. “Exercise, physical fitness and sport are ideal ways to help yourself. Exercise its not only good for you physically but mentally. Also, with your issue of not being able to switch off, you can literally give your body no choice if you exercise it thoroughly.” The other advantage was it was less stressful than work and allowed the patient some distances from triggers. 

When Alistair talked about the work, he had done he mentioned the Borg. Rhys despite his best effort was unable to keep a very obvious shiver from going through his body. He shifted uncomfortably for a moment. Alistair diverted from that line of his thinking very quickly, however. Rhys was not going to force him to address it. The patient took him where he wanted to go after all. So Rhys simply said “That sounds like a lot of pressure.” He took breath for a moment managing to get his own shivers under control. “Life on board has been stressful.” He chuckled though this time the humour was not entirely genuine. “It seems we wonder from one crisis to the next.” He sighed softly and as an apparent assigned said “Which makes it the appropriate ship for me.” He smiled, “There are numerous lounges and social centres. A gymnasium, a phaser range, and if you are into growing things and arboretum.” He tapped his PADD and it looked as if he was examining a list, “That’s not to mention various clubs and activity groups organised by crew themselves.” Every kind of distraction you could imagine.

Re: Day 02 [0800 hrs.] All Nightmares End

Reply #14 –
[Lieutenant Alistair Leavitt | Counselling Offices | Deck 09 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Juzzie

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Alistair had gotten compliments about his physique before, but Rhys's comment still made him smile in embarrassment. He wondered briefly if Rhys was flirting, a sufficiently pleasant thought that Alistair let the warmth flow through him unabated. Sure, he didn't swing that way, but it was nice to be desired. Normally a tiny voice in Alistair's mind would scold him to stop being so narcissistic, assuming that a compliment implied attraction, but just this once...oh heck, why not enjoy the moment?

"That's good, yep, I'll make sure I take advantage of all that,"Alistair said after Rhys summarised what sort of recreation facilities the Theurgy had. An awkward silence followed, Alistair glancing out the window at the planet below. He cleared his throat, slapping his thigh lightly in a (failed) attempt to appear casual and collected. "So...uh...Rhys, what else do we...er...talk about? Or I could just...um, go, if you have other patients to see, I've got things to do before the memorial ceremony..."

A half-truth, of course. Alistair didn't even know why he was talking like that, so suddenly eager to move on, and he shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

Re: Day 02 [0800 hrs.] All Nightmares End

Reply #15 –
[Lt. Rhys Williams | Counselling Offices| Deck 09 | USS Theurgy ] attn: @Griff

Rhys’ remark about Alistair’s physical shape had produced a smile but it was an embarrassed awkward one. Rhys mentally kicked himself and hoped Alistair had not assumed he was flirting. Or maybe Alistair was not good with compliments, that was common enough in people suffering with certain mental illnesses.

Something seemed to have clicked in Alistair as he stopped speaking for a few awkward moments and then proceeded to try and talk his way to an early exit out of the appointment. Anxiety seemed to be leaking out of every pore. Rhys raised his hands placatingly. “If you need to go you can go.” Rhys continued in his soft sing song voice. “Can I ask a favour before you go anywhere?” He spoke his next sentence a little quicker to give Alistair as little time as possible to feel anxious about a request. “Can you close your eyes and take a few deep breaths for me?”

Rhys stood and took a few deep breaths himself. “I can see that you find this very difficult, I know how that feels.” His voice remained at a steady even volume. It made sense given what he knew of him already. “Just take a few moments to calm yourself a little. Some people find it helpful to count down while they do this.” If possible, he wanted Alistair to leave the room calmer than when he had entered it. Starting from 60 Rhys counted softly as he took deep breaths leaving it up to Alistair if he joined in or not.

Re: Day 02 [0800 hrs.] All Nightmares End

Reply #16 –
[Lieutenant Alistair Leavitt | Counselling Offices | Deck 09 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Juzzie

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The last thing that Alistair wanted to do was stop and breathe, but through his chest-tightening reluctance, he had enough self-awareness to recognise that made it all the more necessary. Rhys wasn't the first counselor to try this, so without comment, Alistair duly closed his eyes and began breathing with the rythym.

It wasn't easy. His perennially overactive brain continually tried to interrupt the silence; remembering the desperate fight on Praxis, the mad Gorn in the transporter room, musing on the relative temporal equations that governed the Relativity's influence on the timeline, the awful orgy of flesh and moans on Betazed, sweat-slicked bodies distorted to inhuman perfection, Nadene's animalistic hunger as she'd looked at him, Cak's scream as his leg was ripped off, that laugh, Earth swarmed by cubes, did they know, how could anyone, maybe he did...

As the minute passed, Alistair twitched on occasion, shifting in discomfort, but eventually he seemed to ease. As Rhys finished his count, Alistair exhaled at length as he opened his eyes.

"Thank you," he said sincerely, then sighed. "You know, obvious statement, but this all really, really sucks. One galactic war wasn't enough; now we have another. Maybe a worse one. I really didn't want to fight again." Alistair smiled sadly, looking at Rhys as he stood. "Are...uh, I know you must be busy, but if we could make this a regular thing..."

Re: Day 02 [0800 hrs.] All Nightmares End

Reply #17 –
[Lt. Rhys Williams | Counselling Offices| Deck 09 | USS Theurgy ] attn: @Griff

As Rhys counted, he watched Alistair carefully. He remained tense, and rigid. Twitching occasionally his discomfort was obvious. This was a strong anxious reaction. However, imperceptibly even if only a little Alistair calmed down. That was what Rhys had been aiming for and he felt relieved to get it. Not that he felt Alistair was going to go out and hurt himself or do something reckless, but he wanted the poor man to have felt some relief from this encounter if nothing else.

It was hard to empty your head of thoughts especially if you were of a nervous or anxious disposition. Obtrusive thoughts were very common and tended to batter their way through mental defences very easily. IF those defences were weak already that could make it all the worse. Rhys had them to when things weren’t going well or sometimes, they came out of nowhere. His mother, the Mercia and the Borg. You ended up carrying your nightmares into your waking life.

Alistair thanked him, and Rhys blushed obviously. He never got used to being thanked and on a certain emotional level never felt he deserved it. After all he was just helping them over come their own issues. They were healing themselves in a way. Rhys nodded as Alistair said that the situation sucked. Some people may have attempted to reassure him that things were not as bad as they seemed, but sometimes acknowledging the issue was far more important. “It does. Sometimes obvious statements need the most stating.”

Rhys smiled sadly back. “Of course. I would be happy to, and if this,” he said as he waved his arm indicating his office, “makes you feel uncomfortable we can try for a place that is more soothing for you.” Rhys approached him and gently put a hand on Alistair’s shoulder. “You can overcome this and I am more than happy to help.” Normally he refrained from making promises, but there was a sense of steely determination behind Alistair’s mild mannered façade that Rhys felt would serve him in good stead. He removed his arm from the man’s shoulder. “Till next time.”

-FIN-
 
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