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EPIL: S [D06|1500] Chasing Old Ghosts

[Lt. Zephyr Praise | Jail  Break | Leaving Your Heart Behind | Reconnecting | Rat Bastard]
@Nolan


Zeph hadn't wanted to leave the Brig.  Khorin was still there, but there was no room for her to stay and she would only be away.  Khorin had asked her to go, told her he would be fine and would find her as soon as he figured out what was going on.  She promised to visit but there was really no reason for her to stay.  A small assault on an asshole had apparently been nothing to really worry about and so they had let her go just an hour or so after she had been taken into the Brig.  Though it was hard because she worried so for Khor.  He was such a fragile mind at the moment, she knew that he would get through it, because he was intelligent and smart and strong.  Still, walking away from him just thirty minutes ago had been the hardest thing she had ever done. 

They had assigned her temporary Quarters, and she had made sure to put Khorin's name down on her Quarters so that when he got released he would be able to find her.  That and, she missed him already as stupid as that sounded.  They had given her a PADD to use for her own personal use and she couldn't remember holding a PADD that wasn't heavily encrypted or blacked out of all communications.  The first thing she had done post-Brig was to take a long shower.  This ship actually had water showers, she couldn't remember the last time she'd had anything but a sonic shower so she reveled in the water.  Once she was clean she replicated herself a pair of comfortable pajama pants and a simple tank top that matched somewhat and lay out on the couch in the Quarters.

Finally, she signed into her PADD and waited to see what was going on.  Immediately she was pinged several times.  She didn't know who would have messaged her because anyone from the Azurite station wouldn't be able to get through to her on the outside.  So she reached her fingers up and brushed against the button that was where her messages lay and waited for the screen to load. 

She sat up half way when she saw Ravon's name on there.

“What in the -” she whispered as she sat up and opened the first. 

She read the first one and leaned into the couch cushions her feet resting on a cushion beside her, back against the arm and side of the couch.  She read through the words, she could exactly, precisely remember what she had sent.  It was right during her mental break.  Before she went back to the Academy, before she changed her entire life, when everything... everything had fallen apart.  She swallowed and read the message twice more smiling softly at the way that he cared and worried.  She had never forgotten Thom he had always had a place in her heart and there was a picture of them she had been forced to leave on the Azurite station of them in their academy days back when.  She had taken one though, at the Graduation dance, both of them all dolled up, a picture had been snapped.  But, that had been lost on the Versant along with the few other things that she had taken.  She had absolutely nothing. 

Zeph thumbed to the next message.

The next three were shorter, and he was freaking out on her.  She swallowing knowing that she had caused the freak out.  She had sent him some really bad messages because of how low she had been at the time.  She had not been able to message him back because of Azurite and their lock down on all communications and she couldn't even explain it. 

She thumbed again. 

Now he was just getting angry.  Cursing and getting angry that she wasn't responding.  She felt a hand gripping around her heart and tears threatened to fall.  He had wanted to be there but she was gone.  He had contacted her ship and found her missing, and couldn't find her.  Of course he couldn't, she had gone to Azurite, she had basically disappeared. 

He knew about Ethan.  Tears rolled down her cheeks, and she bit her lower lip which quivered despite the fact that she didn't want it too.  She knew he was upset, she could tell that he was mad at her and Ethan.  Then he told her that he had pulled some strings and figured out that she was classified and he wanted to find her.  Yelling over the text at where was she.  Zeph brushed angrily at the tears that cascaded down her cheeks.

The last message though killed her.  After she read it, how calm it was, how detached it was, how he had given up on her, she threw her padd across the room where it bounced twice and came to a skidding stop against the door.  She curled up and cried for a little while not able to get herself to calm down just yet.  It took a little while before she was able to dry her tears and decide what to message back.  Getting up she grabbed the PADD from the floor and flopped onto the bed.

Quote

Best Asshole Ravon,

Thank you for giving up on me when I was in a time and place where I could not receive nor respond to your messages.  Your stunning loyalty has truly touched my heart and I know now that I can count on you for anything.  Despite all that I have been through and the inability to actually contact you, you decided, it was best to detatch yourself from me.  I had thought we were closer than that.  I cannot believe this is what you succumbed to.  Believing that I, Zephyr Praise, would cut contact with you voluntarily. 

I hope your life is going well, and I hope you are a better friend to those you know now than you were to me.  Some choices are out of our control, Thomas Ravon.

Peace to you and yours,
~Lieutenant Zephyr Praise

Re: EPIL: S [D06|1500] Chasing Old Ghosts

Reply #1 –
[ Lt Cmdr Thomas Razor Ravon | SCO Office | Fighter Assault Bay | USS Theurgy ] @BZ

After having discussed matters with Miles about the future of his SCO ship, Thomas remained in what now seemed to be his office. He was reading the reports of the pilots who already seemed to have posted their after mission reports before they wanted to enjoy their R&R if there was time for any of that at all. The pilot himself was idly reading through the reports which all depicted the same really. An impossible mission being completed against all odds. It was strange, unreal even.

A chime alerted him of an incoming personal message. It was a different kind of tone then any other of the chimes he had preferred when receiving messages. In fact, the chime he heard was one that he hadn't heard ever since his time on Thunderchild. It brought back memories of old days, memories of people he had pushed away long ago. This was, just as the mission he flew hours ago, an impossible event. His eyes remained at the PADD that rested to the far right of his desk. His eyes locking onto the red blip that showed the unread message.

"No fucking way..." he murmured to himself as he looked away from the PADD and continued to read the report he was currently viewing. He did his best and it took a lot of his concentration to keep on reading. The red blip gnawing at the corner of his eyes, a gnawing sensation bothering him on the inside. Finally when he finished through the report he grbbed the PADD and simply looked at the name of the sender.

Unread message: Zephyr Praise

The pilot scoffed and swiped the security lock that kept his own personal PADD secure from any nosy readers or in case of a new mutiny. He opened the message and the words he read hit him like a Hellhound torpedo. The first jab straight to his heart as the clusters parts of the torpedo made him feel things he had buried a long long time ago. Feeling which he had allowed himself to develop very carefully with Skye Carver, yet that path had been ended brutally after his disappearance. He read the message again, feeling her disappointment and disgust even.

He simply stared at the screen for what must've felt like an eternity, yet in reality actually took him thirty minutes. His eyes had felt the need to water up, a single tear had slid over his face and dripped down onto the desk. His eyes focused on the screen yet without pinpointing to a certain word or point on it. He took in a deep breath before he tapped 'Reply'

Quote
Lieutenant Praise,

Sarcasm and ferocity were never traits I saw in you. In fact I find them shameful for tainting the memories I had of you.

I am however glad to read that you are still alive and I hope, well.

As for my detachment towards you. I had no choice at that time. It is just that plain and simple.
I do not expect you to understand my motivations behind it, nor do I feel the right to be judged on those decisions years ago.

All I can say is that they were a mechanism I had to use in order to not succumb.  To deteriorate to feelings that would probably have meant the end of me. The lack of contact to you had left me in a very dark grim place. A place which I hope nobody would ever end up in.

Yours truly

Lieutenant Commander Thomas Ravon

Re: EPIL: S [D06|1500] Chasing Old Ghosts

Reply #2 –
[Lt. Zephyr Praise | Can't Sleep | Won't Sleep | Missin' my Cuddly Klingon | Dear Jane]
@Nolan


Zeph lay on the couch for a while.  She had tried the bed.  The fact that pillows and blankets were now on the floor was a testament to how poorly that had gone.  The place was so quiet, and so .. not warm.  It wasn't cold, it was just.. she missed the man that was sitting in the brig and she missed his warmth.  Zeph knew it was silly to miss him, she had only been with him a couple hours ago but still.. it was really hard.  It was ridiculous that she should feel so attached to him already but she did.  She couldn't describe or explain it.  It just.. was.

She had tried to watch TV.  But she was so out of things since she hadn't seen any shows in years that she had been unable to stomach watching anything.  The desire to catch up just wasn't there.  She longed for something, something her, something that would let her get back in touch with herself.  Constantly she could feel the fact that Khorin was gone and Ravon had pissed her off.  Zeph didn't get mad very often, but right now, she just wanted to make sure that she could punch him in the face at some point in the future.

She had no idea where he was.  What he was doing.  This was the first correspondance they'd have since.. well... forever.  Months.. years... too long.  Seeing his name brought back an old ache, one she didn't want to remember.  The ache of losing him first time around.  Of having to say good bye without saying good bye.  Of having to leave.. all together and not be able to tell him where or how.  She could understand him being hurt, or angry, a little bit.  But writing her off the way he had in the end was just …

ping

Already?!

Zeph popped up off the couch in the dark.  “Computer lights at twenty percent.” she stated and the lights popped on slightly, a bit of a glowing ambiance came and she grabbed up the padd with it's red blinking light in the corner.  No one else would be messaging her, and she knew she should message her parents but she was too tired and they would be worried and she needed to be more mentally prepared for that.

Opening the message she was not surprised to see his name.

As she began to read her rage and anger only grew.  Sarcasm and anger aren't traits you saw in me are they?!  She glared at the screen, ready to put her fist through it.  Tainted your memories!?

She was breathing heavy with anger by the time she reached the end of the post.  For a moment she stared at it, letting her anger boil over again and again and again and finally she hit the

REPLY

Quote

Lieutenant Commander Thomas Ravon.

Cold detachment tarnishes all the warmth that I always knew you for.  I understand your desire to separate yourself from painful memories and thus if you wish for me to stop responding to you please state so.  You had to protect yourself, I get that, however, you should understand that it was not by choice that we could not have communications.

However, you decide to blame me, and punish me, because you couldn't handle something out of my control.   You know nothing of what I have been through, sitting over there, on your fancy ship with your fancy title thinking that you are more hurt than I.  I am disappointed in you, you were always loyal and kind and open.

Here you are, being catty, nasty, and cold. 

Where is the Thom I know?  Because this one, is a disappointment.

I had thought you better than such low human being.  What turned you so cold?

~Zeph

Re: EPIL: S [D06|1500] Chasing Old Ghosts

Reply #3 –
[ Lt Cmdr Thomas Razor Ravon | SCO Office | Fighter Assault Bay | USS Theurgy ] @BZ 

With the message gone to wherever Zephyr Praise was in the galaxy, Thomas couldn't help but feel the past chew on him. It was absolutely ridiculous to feel any of it since it had been years since he had heard from Zephyr. Despite the fact that the woman had left an enormous effect on the pilot. He decided that like in the past he would have to get rid of the feeling, perhaps by working out in the gym or by abusing whatever punching bag was available in the gyms.

He started to clean up his desk and sort the missions PADDS away. He brewed another mug of coffee. Not exactly feeling thirsty though the drink would help him warm up on the inside. The cold void that had been lashed open again by the correspondence had to be dealt with after all. While he tried to not overthink any of the new correspondence, his mind couldn't help but flash memories of their time at the academy.

It bugged him, to know that a simple piece of mail could throw him off his game so easily. He could feel the anger and frustration boil up inside him and it eventually erupted as he tossed his personal PADD through the office and heard it skid against a wall. He was breezing as he stood in front of the desk. Both hands supporting his weight as his knuckles were white by the tension applied by his hands.

He slammed a fist down on the desk and turned around, making his way to the door as he needed an exhaust therapy. However, just as he reached the door of the office that typical chime rang through the office. It stopped Thom right in his tracks as he looked barely over his shoulder. 'She can fucking insta message me all of a sudden?' he thought to himself. He turned around and began to look for the PADD, not finding it instantly after having it thrown away. It almost resulted in him tossing up the office as if a search warrant had been given by Security. He found the PADD behind a cabinet and he opened the message as he flopped down behind his desk in the chair.

He read the message and could feel the rage that had now been implemented into the message. It made him scoff, yet at the same time it felt like someone was pressing a blade deeper into his chest. He read through the message and instantly tapped on the reply button. Rational thinking was gone at this point.

Quote
I understand perfectly that you couldn't get back to me for whatever reason and I'm truly sorry for whatever horrors you've gone though. What I can't understand is that you're pissed off at me for trying to move on. Your last messages have haunted me more than you can possibly fathom. I have spent months trying to figure out what had happened to you.

I feared for your life! With no return message over all these years, I had no other choice to believe you were gone.

Dead. For all intents and purposes.

So if you're wondering where Thom went, he got buried right there when I thought you were gone!

You may not realize it, but it was YOU who managed to bring a warmness to my person. It was YOU that opened me up  and boosted that kind personality.

YOU WERE THE FUCKING ONE I WOULD HAVE POURED MY SOUL AND VERY BEING IN!! YOU WERE THE ONE!



Without even thinking or considering what he had written, Thomas punched send. It left him with a continuous drum of his own heartbeat in his ears as it would still take minutes for him to realize for what he just had sent to Zephyr. There was nothing he could do to retrieve the message or think it over. So without further hesitation, he gathered up his PADD and jacket and strode off to head to the nearest punching bag.

Re: EPIL: S [D06|1500] Chasing Old Ghosts

Reply #4 –
[Lt. Zephyr Praise | I Hate You | I Love You | I Miss You]
@Nolan


Zeph stood next to the replicator.  Getting herself something warm, because she felt cold.  Couldn't quite warm up.  Her fingers, they were always cold.  She hadn't noticed it back on the Versant, perhaps she had been too busy, perhaps it was because she was always with Khorin, or fighting to defend the ship.  She wasn't sure.  But, the truth of the matter was, she couldn't get her hands and fingers warm.  Someone once told her that cold hands meant a warm heart.  She wasn't sure about that.  Right now, Zeph was torn between pissed and hurt about Thom and all the words that he had sent.  Caustic and harsh.  She probably hadn't been much better.  Coming back to the living world.. like this.. was hard for her.  She wanted and needed more.  She didn't have connections to people and he hadn't even asked if she was okay.

Did he not care anymore?

Zeph stood at the viewport now, looking out at the slew of stars that surrounded this massive ship.  She had moved there, warm coffee in her hand, she had doctored it the way she liked it and sipped at it.  Leaning her hip against the viewport frame she gave out a long sigh. 

How do I even start.. over?  How do I .. do this? she wondered.  She had been told to find her Department Head and decide if she wanted to stay or not.  Do I?  Should I?  Is being on the Universe's red headed step child the best place to hide?  Do they know what I have done?  Should I talk to the captain?  No- that's classif-

A ping.

Zeph's back straightened and she turned to look at the PADD visciously blinking at her from the couch.  She wondered if she should read it, it would bother her if she didn't.  It would bother her if she did.  With a long sigh, her shoulders sunk and she crossed to the couch sitting on the edge putting her cup down she picked up the padd and thumbed her finger across the pad so that it would unlock.  As she read the message, fresh tears rolled down her cheeks.  She was glad that Khorin wasn't here to see them.  He would just get angry.

To think he thought she was dead.

To think that she was the only one he could open to.

He claimed she had opened him up and made him warm.

For a moment she stared at the words on the screen.  Tears pitter pattered down onto the screen landing small puddles here and there all reflecting her face back at her.  She brushed at them and cleaned the screen off with the sleeve of her shirt before she began to pen her response.

Quote

You have always been on my mind, Thom.

If I could have contacted you, I would have.  I have been through hell and back and things have happened I cannot speak about.  I'm sorry you thought I was dead, I'm sorry you had to go to such extremes to wipe me from your life.  You were never wiped from mine.  I had a picture on my desk every day for the last several years.

I never forgot.

You were never far from my mind, or my heart.

I wish you well, Thom, I miss you.


She tossed the Padd down for a moment.  I can't do this.  I need to burn this.. whatever it is.  Zeph quickly changed for the gym.  A sports bra, she tied up her short hair, and a pair of work out pants.  Replicating herself some other things she would need she tossed the PADD into her bag and headed for the gym.  After looking up it's location. 

Stepping into the massive gym she noticed there were quite a few officers here likely blowing off steam.  Different steam to what she had but steam none the less.  There was a man, attacking the punching bag, a bit of sweat had started to bead on his well defined back.  He almost looked … No Zeph you have got to get Thom off your mind. she thought to herself shaking her head she turned and headed for the ring.  It was partitianed off to the side slightly and she dropped her bag looking at the fighters up in the ring.  They had seemingly just finished a round.  Zeph had a fair amount of muscle, some of which had left when she was with the Versant, but she had fared better than most.

“Mind if I give it a try?” she asked.

One of the men up above her grinned.  “Yeah?  Scientist?” the man asked.

“Doctor, actually.” Zeph said swinging herself up into the ring and standing up. 

“You want gloves?” he asked pointing to the boxing gloves hanging on the wall next to some guys that were waiting to see the fight. 

Zeph gave a slight grin.  “Do you?”

The man grinned back.  “Okay, well I don't want to hurt you.”

Zephyr shrugged.  “I may be rusty, but I'm not as weak as you're imagining.” she stated as she stretched out her body for a moment the bright purple flowered tattoo on her left shoulder catching the light a moment before she dropped both her arms to her sides and then went on the attack.

Re: EPIL: S [D06|1500] Chasing Old Ghosts

Reply #5 –
[ Lt Cmdr Thomas Razor Ravon | SCO Office -> Gym | USS Theurgy ] @BZ

The way over to the Gym was one that seemed to take forever. People passing Thomas by and who greeted him or saluted, got a short, nod back with a glare on his features which was enough to discourage anyone from asking anything further. Standing in his way would probably result in said person to be mashed to a pulp. It was quite clear that the SCO of the wolves needed to get a certain something out of his system.

Once in the ring Thomas spotted people in the ring, sparring with one another. He was tempted to join them yet wasn't sure how much he'd be able to hold back when he'd get into it. Instead he settled for one of the punching bags to the sides of the gym. He dropped his jacket and tossed the PADD on top of it along with anything else he had. Kicking off the shoes he preferred to move on bare feet, wanting to feel the cooler surface of the deck underneath him. Slowly he removed his shirt and his torso was brought on display as he stretched himself and began to warm up his muscles.

During all of this a new message was dropped in on his PADD, it went unnoticed due to the various sounds and screams throughout the gym. Ravon walked over to one of the gym replicators to get some water bottles and some tape. Once he was set he returned to the punching bag he had settled in with initially. He looked over at his combadge and picked it up. Tapping it, he awaited for the chirp before he spoke "Computer. Please locate..." he paused as he thought his decision through. Was it really a good plan to do this? "Locate Lieutena-" he was interrupted by one of the fighters in the ring flopping down. Ravon's eyes remained on the person as he slowly came back to his hands and knees, clearly shaken, but alright.

"Locate Lieutenant Izar Bila." he said eventually as he waited for the response.

"Lieutenant Izar is currently in Sickbay. He currently can not be disturbed as he is still treating crew members from Borg assimilation." was Thea's response.

"Alright, nevermind." he sighed as he began to tape his knuckles and once he was satisfied with the result he threw some initial punches to the bag. They seemed to go alright and he narrowed his eyes at the bag as he began to put more power to his punches. The cropped up feelings inside of him flaring up and erupting as they found a way to be channeled. His fists pounding away at the bag in rapid succession and with an unseen ferocity aboard this ship during his stay. He kept at it and continued to do so until the sweat was pearling on his skin and running down his torso and face. He poured everything he had into it.

As fatigue began to set in though he stopped punching as there was some banter going on in the ring. He drank some of the water and splashed some of it on his face. He gathered his things as a shower would definitely be in order. He cast his eyes over to the ring for a second. The woman standing there looking almost like the girl he had been in the acad-

"For fuck sake..." he muttered as he pinched the bridge of his nose and turned his head away. He blamed the fatigue, the hours of ready time, the adrenaline pumping through his systems and the most recent communications he had with her.

Zephyr Praise.

[Gym ->SCO Quarters]

Thomas Ravon simply walked out of the gym and made his way back to the lifts to continue his way back to his quarters. Only once he was in the elevator he read through the message Zephyr had sent him. In hindsight, he wasn't sure if it had been a good idea to read the reply now after his work out. The turbolift chimed as he reached his designated deck. It broke his eyes away from the PADD and he made his way out of the lift and down the corridor.

He reached his quarters and plopped the PADD on the nearest table as he came in. Deciding that a shower was his primary concern, he walked over to the shower accommodations and chose to take a hot shower after a day like this. Surviving a Borg onslaught and receiving word of his long beloved flame. This day couldn't possibly get any worse or better? He wasn't sure how much time he spent under the shower and once he came out from underneath it, he dried himself off and looked in the mirror. The heat of the shower had left him shattered. He stumbled back to his bedroom and simply flopped down onto his bed.

Sooner then expected, sleep embraced him with a warm sensation and the pilot fell asleep. He'd probably not wake up until disturbed for duty or when the ship would arrive at its destination.


~FIN
 
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