Star Trek: Theurgy

CH06: S [D03|1500] Life Interupted

March 27, 2021, 03:39:35 AM

[LCdr Blue Tiran-Ducote | Death of Love | Letting Go of a Savior | Your Love Was Perfect]
@Fife




The shimmering blue gleam in the room played on Blue's pale skin making her white color pallete even more harsh than normal.  However it highlighted the blue streaks in her hair giving way to the soft bouncing curls that framed her face and body as she leaned softly against the pod behind her.  It was the closest she could be with him.  Sitting there, exhausted, the dark circles under her eyes rivaled the vivid curls of hair.  Despite everyone's best efforts she found that sleep was hard to come by.  Naps were as good as it got for her, mostly passing out behind her desk until someone needed her.  That was as good as it fucking got for the time being.  Sometimes she fell asleep here, at the foot of Ranaan's stasis pod, only to be woken by a technician coming in for their duties. 

He wasn't in there, her Ranaan, he was gone.. asleep, but only sleeping because she had not let him go.  Over two days he had been there in the pod, a fucking eternity.  Blue felt her eyes close, the black slender lashes laying among the darkened half moons under her eyes.  She was tired, so tired, and yet her mind was so awake.  Every time she thought about resting, sleeping, catching up she found that her brain just had so many things to do.  She would just lay there and try desperately battling with her mind until her body lost, her mind won, and she went back to work.

The door opened, causing Blue's crystalline eyes to shift open, and the doctor came in.  He was used to seeing Blue in here at this point, used to watching her try to sleep here, or talk to Ranaan about her day.  Often she did tell him everything, and she cried, and she wanted to feel his hug one more time.  She wanted to hear his nickname one more time.  She wanted .. all of it. 

She mourned it all.

“Commander.” he said as he adjusted his medical coat and looked down at the PADD in his hand. 

Blue didn't answer, she leaned her head back against the pod. 

“Commander, I-”

“If you don't have anything fucking nice to say keep your fucking mouth shut.” she said without any bite, she was too tired for bite.

He sighed, they were used to Blue, most of the ship was, though the people in the Medical Bay had certainly seen many different sides of Blue.  Her sheer lack of control after the Savi ship, the way she had begged them to fix Ducote, and now the sad and dejected near-widow who visited her comatose husband daily hoping for a sign of hope. 

“You don't have to like what is said, Commander, but it still has to be said.” the doctor said calmly in his most doctor voice possible.  The kind laced with fucking lollipops and good intentions.  She hated that shit. 

“I already know what you're going to fucking say.” she said as she looked over at the man.  As much as her words had a little cut to them, her eyes were nothing but pools of bright soft vulnerability just begging again, that he had any news that was positive at all.

“He continues to remain as he is.  We have run multiple simulations of various ways that we could possibly bring him out of his coma and with surgery bring him back to himself, or at least enough of it.  However, all the simulations end with his death, not a single one has survived, and we have worked through every medical manual, book, and even with the assistance of some Savi research, there is nothing we can find that will bring the Commander back to life for more than a few minutes.”

Blue swallowed heavily and looked down at her grease stained fingers.  Fingernails torn from all the work she did on her own with her hands, small nicks and cuts here and there.  Things that Ranaan had always patched for her because she refused to waste the Medical teams time on something so ridiculously minor that Ducote saw as stupidly important.  She pushed her hands on the floor underneath her and stood up. 

“How long would I get?” she asked her voice quivering slightly at the knowledge of what she had to do.  It was time, she had probably allowed Ducote to live too long anyway.  She didn't want to say goodbye, she would come here every day for years if she thought it would work, if she thought there was even the slightest bit of hope. 

“You may have three minutes, you may have ten minutes, it depends on how quickly he succumbs to his injuries.” 

Ducote would have hated her for even keeping him alive this long.  It had always been understood that if there was no hope they would pull the plug on each other.  But, she had wanted to make sure there was no certain hope, and now.. now there wasn't.  She could feel the tears brushing against the lower lashes as she took this into consideration.

“Will he.. will he be in pain while he is awake?” she asked her voice catching with the emotions filling her throat.

“We'll make sure he is comfortable so you can make your goodbyes.”

Blue turned to look up at the man who lay beneath the blue glow as if he was asleep.  They had cleaned the wounds and bandaged them as best as they could, though they weren't bleeding or anything any longer she knew intimately where every single one of them was.  Everything was stuck in her throat, she didn't know how she was going to manage to say goodbye to the one person in her fucking life that had healed her.  That had taken a broken little thing and made her human, that had found the woman inside the broken girl, and brought her out, the one that understood her more than anyone else in the world... how could she let that go?

How could she not?

She loved him and it was fucking selfish to keep him.  She pulled a PADD out of her back pocket, the jeans she wore spoke that she had tried to take some time off, though chances were she'd be back on the deck doing her job again before anyone really had a chance to miss her.  Penning a quick message to the only other person on this fucking ship that would understand her situation.

[It's time.] was all she wrote, he would know, he always knew.

There was no quick response, and honestly, she wasn't surprised.  He was busy, living his own life, and she needed to take responsibility for what was going on here.  As much as she hated that today was the day any longer and she would begin to feel guilty.  She'd feel guilty either way, he was her everything and had been for years.  Now, he would no longer be by her side. 

“Take him.. take him down.” she said in a voice just barely above a whisper but the doctor had been listening as she tucked her PADD away and waited.

The doctor called in his staff and together they pulled Ducote out of his stasis pod and transferred him with gentle care to the bed.  She had thought about bitching at them for being too rough but there was no need to, they knew that she was watching but Commander Ducote was well liked even if his wife wasn't always.  They wheeled him into a small private room, hooking him up to a machine that allowed him to breathe when his lungs were still collapsed as well as the pain meds so that he wouldn't feel all of his wounds. 

“Hello Commander, there is someone here to see you.” the doctor said to Ducote, and then backed away.  They left the room as Ranaan's soft brown eyes searched the room, and Blue stepped forward.  His eyes stilled on her as she came closer and took his massive warm hand into her own perching herself on the edge of the bed as large tears formed on her face.

~Hey Trouble.~

She smirked and sniffled softly, her eyes were so filled with liquid she could hardly see his face.  She quickly wiped them away with the back of her hand. 

“I love you.” she said softly, unable to communicate with him telepathically.

~I know.~

“Bastard.” she said with a bit of a chuckle.  “You were the only one that ever saw me.” she reminded him. 

~I was the only one you let see you~ he reminded her.

“What am I going to do without you?” she asked her voice catching again as she swallowed a sob.

~Live.  Live, Blue, make new things, create better systems, find ways to make it another day.  You underestimate yourself.~

“But-”

~Be strong.  Be brave.  Be Blue.~

“You're everything.” she said as she began to cry in earnest now.

~No.  You have so much, you merely have to look around.~

“You filled up the void I carried on for years.”

~It's still full.~

“No!  There's a new one now.” she cried out wiping her tears again.

~Don't let me be a void, I love you Blue.  Every day we spent together was exactly what it needed to be.  I am glad that we met.~

His breathing was getting slower and she knew that it was nearly time, she knew that he wasn't going to make it too much longer.

“Thank you.  I can't say thank you enough for loving me.  For seeing me, for chosing me, for standing up for me, and feeding me. For answering every Blue Alert.  For tucking me in, holding me, for so much, I can't even list it all.”

~You were worth it all.~

Blue leaned down gently careful of his wounds despite the pain killer she didn't want to cause him discomfort.  She hugged him as best as she could.  Her hair sliding around them.  His hand lifted slowly and with great effort to slide into her heavy curls to hold her as close as he could.  She could feel her tears leaking onto his hospital gown. 

“I'll never forget you, ever.” she promised. 

~You don't forget anything.~ he tried to tease even his mental voice was getting tired. 

“You're so fucking lucky I didn't upload your consciousness into Albert.”

~I would literally peck you to death until you stopped that shit.~

She smirked as she pulled back.  “I love you, Ran.”

~I love you, Blue.  Please.. live.  Always live.  Don't stop for me, live for me.  Promise.~

“I don't know if I can.”

~you're the strongest woman I know, Blue Tiran, you can do anything.  Look at all you've survived.~

“This is different.” she swore.

~No.  This is not different.  You will make it through.  Promise Blue, don't give up, be.. happy.~

Blue was crying now.  Tears struggling from her eyes and down her cheeks as she looked down at him, his breathing harder, his eyes growing more glazed.  He looked up at her and his large hand came up to brush a collection of tears from one of her cheeks. 

~Promi-~

“I promise.” she whispered her very last words as Ranaan flat-lined on the bed, and the machine shut off automatically the horrible beeping sound.  She folded herself on him and cried on his chest.  He couldn't hold her anymore, and the warmth would soon seep from his body and yet she needed a little longer.  He had been her everything, and now she wasn't even sure what to do with herself.

Re: Day 03 [1500] Life Interupted

Reply #1 – April 01, 2021, 07:10:16 PM

[ Lt. Cmdr. Cross | Corridors | Deck 01 > Main Sickbay | Vector 01 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @bz
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Cross sighed as he stepped into the turbolift on Deck 01, his pale eyes staring at the wall across from him as the lift whirred to life and began shifting him between decks.

It's time.

Blue's message, received only a minute ago, echoed in his mind, it's meaning all to clear to him.

Ducote...

Blue had made her decision, and was likely saying her goodbyes to Commander Ducote at that very moment, a last farewell to her husband of barely a month. Cross remembered the day of their wedding, how happy Ranaan and Blue had been. The former hybrid had been honoured when Blue had asked him to be there for the ceremony where they were joined...

Now he would be there as the two were torn apart once more.

That thought caused Cross to scowl at the wall across from him, his jaw clenching in frustration and anger at the situation. He remembered Blue aboard the Versant. He remembered how the perceived loss of Ducote had nearly torn her apart. In the time since the bombing of the Spearhead Lounge, Cross had tried to stay close to Blue, hoping to ward off are at least lessen the despair that had overtaken her last time, though he had no idea if he'd been even remotely successful in the endeavour. All he knew was he had to try.

The turbolift slowed to a halt, and Cross was moving even as the doors hissed open, moving with hurried determination as he made for sickbay. On several occasions junior officers or NCOs jumped out of his way, wary of the grim expression the tactical officer worn are he marched past.

Blue...

All he could do was hope that she would be alright, hope that this time would be different, hope that it would be less destructive than it had been on the Versant. He hoped Blue would find a way to cope without surrendering to despair. She had grown on him since the Versant, becoming closer than anyone he had ever let get close to him. As such, he felt a need to look out for her and protect her. Hathev had made a scathing comment just that morning, which had prompted Cross to reexamine the situation between himself and Blue.

This is hardly the time to be thinking about that. Cross growled at himself in his head as he approached sickbay. The Vulcan paused for a moment and took a deep breath, then let it out slowly, as if to brace himself for what he would find beyond the doors. Then, with another step, the door hissed open and he was stepping across the threshold and into Sickbay, oblivious to the usual discomfort he felt in this place as he made his way to where he knew Blue would be.

Cross head the sound the moment the doors hissed open, the continuous high pitched tone that marked the absence of electrical activity in Commander Ducote's heart. Cross remained silent as he stepped into the room, seeing Blue half lying across the supine and still Docute's chest, he body wracked with sobs as she wept for her husband. The machine shut off the horrible asystolic tone automatically, and the only remaining sounds were the soft, mournful noises emanating from the Theurgy's Chief Engineer. Cross didn't believe in any higher beings like his Bajoran ancestors did, though a part of him hoped the Ducote would find a peaceful place... somehwere...

After another moment, Cross stepped forward and gently placed his hand on Blue's shoulder, letting her know he was there before he spoke.

"Blue, I'm so sorry..." He began, though he found he didn't know what other words to say. The brief condolence seemed lacking, insufficient. He felt he ought to say more, given the gravity of the loss his dear friend had just suffered, but he had never been a great speaker and no words came to him. Instead he simply stood there, the hand on Blue's shoulder giving her a soft squeeze for support, and waited, giving Blue the time she needed to work through the multitude of emotions that he knew must be parading through her head.

Re: CH06: S [D03|1500] Life Interupted

Reply #2 – April 11, 2021, 03:21:31 PM

[LCdr Blue Tiran | End of an Era | How Does One Go On? | Another Breath-Another Step]
@Fife




Blue knew he was gone, his mental voice, the warmth of connection that had been there since they had met was gone.  He wasn't holding her anymore, and the warmth was already beginning to seep from his body without the machines to keep him alive.  It had been cruel to pursue any more longevity of life supported solely by machines.  That didn't make it easy, and she was quite angry that he made her do this anyway, but in a way she had spent the last several days mourning before she finally allowed herself to turn off the machines.  She thought about what she wanted to say, and his words continued to resonate with her.  He had changed her, he had developed her, he had allowed her to move forward when she had been stuck in a world of self-hate and distrust.  Ducote had taught her that the world still had merit, and that while the people that were tasked with building that formative trust had failed her, others would not.  He had proved to her that no matter how hard her front was, some could and would see through it, and find the worth hidden inside.

Without witnesses, Blue let herself go.  She mourned fully for the man that had helped her take a true step towards accepting those around her.  The one that had encouraged her genius but forced her to come up for air when she was exhausted and over worked.  The one that made sure she had adventures, and tended her wounds, while cursing her in the most loving way for her lack of self-care.  The one that pushed her to eat more than carb loaded sugar infested foods. 

The wet spot on his chest grew, luckily he couldn't feel it any longer, she supposed.  Her body shook as sobs wracked her body.  When he was supposed dead she had never mourned him but had held little hope he was alive.  She had swallowed all her emotions, pushed forward, and slept to avoid everything she was feeling.  Now, the days had passed allowing her to come to terms with the truth and reality.  As much as Blue didn't want to believe it was the case she knew that it was.  There was processing time, there were the words of the Sickbay doctors echoing in her mind throughout those days.  Low threshold for hope, the Savi could not save him with their advanced technology, miracles only. 

There were no such miracles.

Blue didn't hear the door open behind her as Cross stepped in the room.  All of Sickbay was giving her as much room as she needed to say good bye, there was no rush afterall.  It wasn't until the warmth of the hand on her shoulder, and hearing her voice saying her name, that she noticed she was not alone in the room.  It was her best friend, her partner in actual crime.  She shifted, and pulled herself off of Ducote's chest.  His eyes had closed when he had been unable to keep them open any longer, he looked peaceful as though he was asleep.  But, his chest no longer rose and fell, it no longer exuded breath from his lungs, his low volume snoring not sounding despite how peaceful he looked in this moment.  Tears continued to leak from her eyes as she looked at the man who had been so pivotal in her life.  At least, she had been able to say good bye, at least she had time to do that this time. 

Blue looked over at Cross as he stood awkwardly by the bed trying to figure out what to do in this moment.  He hadn't needed to come but she was so glad that he had decided to.  She was so glad he was there beside her, when she needed someone to lean on the most, there was Cross.  He was always there to lean on.  Ever since the ship they had both been prisoner on, ever since she had come back, he had been the one she could count on outside of Ducote and now, she would need him more than ever. 

Getting off the bed where Ducote's body lay, she stood up and turned to put herself against Cross' chest.  Wrapping her strong slender arms around him.  Burying her face into his chest, though she was trying not to cry any longer, she needed to be strong, she had to get through it, but her emotions were raw and her brain trained from long years of burying any and all emotions, was trying to numb her to everything that was going on.  To the death of her first love. 

“I don't know what to do” she whispered softly, her voice raw with the shedding of her tears as well as the emotions that were flowing through her body fighting with her sheer willpower of shoving them down and forgetting about them.  “What do I do now, Cross?”

Re: CH06: S [D03|1500] Life Interupted

Reply #3 – April 25, 2021, 09:45:32 PM

[ Lt. Cmdr. Cross | Corridors | Deck 01 > Main Sickbay | Vector 01 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @BZ
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Cross remained still as Blue stood and turned towards him, burying her face against his chest. When his friend wrapped her arms around him he returned the gesture, holding her tightly against him, his gaze shifting back and forth between the top of her blue-streaked head and the still form of her husband lying on the biobed. Ducote's chest had ceased to rise and fall, his eyes having closed for the final time.

Cross' hand remained on Blue's uniform, though he didn't need the aid of touch telepathy to know that this would have been devastating for her. She wasn't crying anymore, though he knew her well enough to know she was holding it in, putting on a brave face.

Cross bowed his head for a moment to pay respect to the man who was the Theurgy's late first officer, Blue's late husband, and his friend. He didn't believe in any particular faith, though he almost wished he did for a moment, wishing he could ask the Prophets of his Bajoran heritage to watch over Ducote, though he didn't, and so no such words came to him.

His thoughts were brought back to the moment as he heard Blue's voice, little more than a faint whisper muffled against his chest, saying she didn't know what to do, and asking him what she ought to do now.

The question seemed to tear at the very fibres of his being, prompting him to hold her a little tighter. Cross had wanted to protect her, had tried to watch over her ever since their time aboard the Versant. He had risked his life in that pursuit, had even given a limb without hesitation. But he couldn't protect her from this, couldn't shield her from the harsh reality that her husband had been killed in a senseless act of violence.

"You keep living." Cross murmured into the top of Blue's head, his usually gruff and growling voice soft as he spoke to her. "He would want you to keep living. To go on with your life and find happiness..."

Easier said than done.

"Somehow..."

Cross felt uneasy speaking like this. He had never been good with words, much less words than were meant to be inspiring or uplifting.

"If you want more time, I can wait outside." Cross offered, unsure if Blue was ready to leave Ducote's side just yet. "When you're ready, why don't we go somewhere quiet. We can talk, or just stay silent and walk. Whatever you need..."

Whatever Blue needed. The words echoed in the former hybrid's mind, taking root in his consciousness. He couldn't shield her from the pain she was trying to hold at bay, but he would be there for her every step of the way. He would see her through this, and he would fight like hell to keep her from feeling this ever again.

Cross stepped back then, holding Blue at arms length and looking his friend in the face. Her eyes were puffy from crying earlier, her face streaked with tears. Cross reached up with his organic hand, wiping one cheek with his thumb, then the other with the back of his index finger.

"I'll be outside." Cross said, giving her arm one last squeeze before stepping back and turning to the door. He hesitated, glancing back at the still form of Ducote one last time, then back to Blue. "I'm so sorry, Blue. Take all the time you need."

With those words, Cross stepped out to give her time for her final goodbye. He leaned against the bulkhead across from the doors as he waited, his mind occupied with worrying over Blue Tiran.

Re: CH06: S [D03|1500] Life Interupted

Reply #4 – April 27, 2021, 03:51:10 AM

[LCdr Blue Tiran | Into the Great Unknown | Not Alone in the Travel | Next Step Forward]
@Fife




He hugged her back, his strong arms coming around her slender muscular body.  She hadn't been sleeping, eating, or really doing anything for self-care.  Which wasn't completely unheard of in the world of Blue Tiran, but without Ducote to keep her straight and pull her off duty when her head got lost around a project, she had done worse.  Then still, was the fact that any time she was kicked off her own deck she tended to head over to Ducote's stasis pod where she would have a small nap leaning up against the foot of it as though he could wake up any moment now even as hope began to fade. 

She would not be like her parents.  She would not let his death, when it came, as it had, destroy her entire life.  She had seen what grief unchecked could do to someone, and thus despite the fact that she was increasingly skilled at pushing her emotions into her iron clad barrier built over years she knew that what she needed to do more than anything was embrace her mourning and come out the other side.  If she was alone she was uncertain she could come up for air properly, however, she had Cross and he was the one that would tether her wounded soul to life for now.

Until she could stand on her own she could only hope that he would allow her to lean against him as she was right now.  His words murmured against her head, as his heart thrummed heavily in her ear, she just wanted someone to hold her together for right now.  Her eyes already raw from crying and she wished to spill no more tears and yet she knew there were likely to be more spilled before the day, even the week, was out.  But here, standing with her best friend in the universe she felt as though she could take that next step.

He told her to take a few more minutes, that he would give her the space she needed for her final goodbye to Ducote.  She was uncertain that he would get a huge funeral though he completely deserved one.  She had no idea what it would be like on the Theurgy.  He would be quickly replaced by someone else able to step into the First Officer's shoes, and yet, it would never be the same.  As Cross pulled her out of his arms he brushed the lingering tears that had escaped her swollen eyes and then he turned and headed out leaving her there with Ducote in the silent room.

Even her breathing seemed too loud as she stood there watching the door close behind Cross.  The tread of her rubber soled boots gritted slightly against the smooth metal of the deck plating as she twisted herself to walk back over to Ducote.  Her hand slid easily into it's familiar place against his, only he could not hold it back this time.  Ducote was gone, she knew that he no longer resided among his body. 

“Thank you.” she whispered softly.  “For seeing me, and helping me, and teaching me.  For being the foundation that I could finally build on.  I know you say I always gave you too much credit but you have no idea what you did for me... that day.. when you saw me.  When we talked on the bench, when we ate together, watching the Princess Bride.  When I stole your cane.” she smirked softly, and brushed her finger tips against his large palm.  “You made me come up to the surface for air in a world I was drowning myself in and I cannot ever show you how grateful I am for all of it.”  she whispered her breath hitching slightly.

“But I can promise you I will not give up.  I will continue.  I'll make a friend.. I'll find people to surround myself with... I won't be alone, Ranaan, not like before.  You change me, altered me, and I am grateful.  You will never be forgotten, you will never be unloved, you will be carried within me forever.”

Leaning close she brushed her lips carefully on the cooling brow of Ranaan Ducote one last time.  “I love you, Ran.” Taking one last look at his face she turned and headed out.  If she was allowed to she could spend days there, talking to him, and scaring away anyone that wanted to take him away.  But, there was no future in that, and Cross was waiting for her.  Besides, he wasn't there anymore.  Ranaan Ducote was gone, hopefully to the better place he had always believed in.  Blue had never believed in it, but perhaps, if he was there, she aught to. 

Stepping outside, she found Cross leaning against the wall patiently waiting for her with all the weight of the world on his shoulders, or perhaps it was the weight of Blue's world.  She reached over and took his hand gently because she just really needed to touch him, to have that grounding lodestone for the time being.

“Where is this quiet place?  I think that sounds perfect, before some mother fucker gets a fist to the face when he tries to console me.”

Re: CH06: S [D03|1500] Life Interupted

Reply #5 – May 15, 2021, 07:11:24 AM

[ Lt. Cmdr. Cross | Corridor outside Main Sickbay > Holodeck 01 | Deck 11 > 08 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @BZ
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Cross’ mind wandered as he leaned against the bulkhead, arms crossed and head forward with his chin resting on his chest. His eyes remained open, though his pale gaze was fixed on the floor and took in none of those who passed him on their way through the corridors, lost in thought as he was.

He was worried.

He was worried about Blue. Worried about how she would handle this blow. Worried about how he would look out for her while also performing his duties. Worried about who would look out for her if he was killed in the next battle, or the one after that. Worried that Blue would collapse in on herself again, just as she had on the Versant. While the events on the Versant had, in their own way, brought he and Blue closer together, he had no wish to see his dear friend endure that sort of emotional devastation again.

The thought also occurred to him that, having been married to the late XO of the ship, Blue would have to move quarters, as those quarters would now be going to the replacement First Officer. Cross suspected that would be Natalie Stark, as Stark currently held the position of Second Officer, and he somehow doubted Stark would be interested in a roommate. Would Blue able to handle losing not only Ducote, but the quarters, the home which she had shared with him?

A thought occurred to him, an idea, one that seemed almost crazy given the events of the other night. Hathev had snapped at him in a moment of heated anger and frustration, a rarity for a Vulcan of her control, however much that control might be wavering of late. The memory bubbled to the surface of his thoughts, though he quickly shoved it down and away. Now was not the time to dwell on Hathev’s words, no matter how accurate she had been in her accusations of his feelings. Feeling which had apparently brought on reactionary feelings of something akin to jealousy in Hathev.

Feelings that Cross did not have the liberty of indulging at that moment…

Cross was pulled our of his mind’s wanderings and back to the present as the doors across the corridor from his hissed open, depositing the subject of those thoughts and feelings in front of him before those same doors hissed shut again, as though forcing him to face something he wasn’t sure how to address.

“Where is this quiet place?” Blue asked him, adding that she thought it sounded perfect, and that they ought to go before she punched someone in the face for trying to console her.

”Come on.” Cross said with a the hint of a chuckle in his voice as he stepped off down the corridor. ”We’re off to the holodeck. Let’s see if we can’t get you out of the corridors before you do something to get yourself tossed in the brig, and me along with you...” Cross cast a mischievous glance sideways at Blue before adding ”…again…”. He knew she was hurting, he knew she had lost so much in a short period of time, but he was also keenly aware of the fact that Blue would rip his heart out through his throat if she suspected him of pitying her. And in truth, he didn’t pity her. He was there for her, as he had been since he dragged her kicking and screaming ass into that escape pod on the Endeavour, and he would treat her as he always had. No pity. No kit gloves. Just Cross and Blue, off to try and deal with another emotional shitshow, another proof of the curse that Hathev claimed to be an absurd notion.

The two made their way through the corridors, Blue mostly remaining quiet and Cross not feeling the need to fill in the silence. At one point a junior officer from Medical stopped as they were passing, the man opening his mouth as though he was going to say something to Blue, until the fellow caught sight of the glare Cross was giving him, a glare that silently promised a first class trip straight out the nearest airlock if the man uttered one more syllable. Whatever words the poor fellow had been about to say seemed to die in his throat, causing him to emit a sort of high pitched, wavering noise in their stead. Cross and Blue continued past him, leaving the man staring after them with a wide eyed expression as the disappeared around a corner, with Blue’s voice just audible uttering something about someone being a moron.

The rest of the walk was uneventful, and soon they entered the turbolift. ”Deck eight.” Cross ordered, glancing at Blue as he crossed his arms and leaned back against the wall. As the turbolift whirred to life, Cross wondered if he ought to say something to her, though what? Nothing came to mind, and so Cross chose silence.

A moment later the turbolift deposited them on the requested deck, and another minute of walking brought them to the holodeck. Cross ordered the program Cross Bravo Eight, and the two stepping through the doors on off the Theurgy, instead finding themselves alone on a long, pristine tropical beach, lined on one side with palm trees and on the other with perfect waves, the soft sound of the breaks washing up and down the sand and the rustling of palm fronds the only discernable noises once the holodeck arch had vanished from the simulation.

”I use this program when I need to think or clear my head.” Cross explained, turning to look at Blue. ”What do you think? We can change the program if you’d prefer something else. I just thought… perhaps… a walk on the beach might help clear your head.” The explanation sounded weak to his ears, but there was no point stammering and babbling like and idiotic child now that the words had been said. Instead, Cross simply bend forwards, unlaced his boots, and kicked them off into the sand, leaving them there as he set off barefoot along the white sandy stretch. He silently marveled at the sensation of the sand between his toes for a few moments before he spoke again, this time not turning to look at Blue. "We don't have to talk, if you don't want to." Cross said, his words sounding almost gruff, though he suspected Blue would know that wasn't his intention. "But if you want to, I'm always here to listen."

Re: CH06: S [D03|1500] Life Interupted

Reply #6 – May 16, 2021, 04:40:08 AM

[LCdr Blue Tiran -Ducote | Lives Lost | Non-Sensical Bullshit | Brisk Breeze | Sea Healing]
@Fife




He seemed to have a destination in mind.  He told her to come, and she didn't need to be told twice.  Following along beside him as he told her they were headed to the holodeck.  She knew it was the best they could do, there was no off-ship time, there was no down time, and who knew when they would be called back on duty.  It could literally be at any time so she figured it was best to take the time that she could and enjoy what quiet time that Cross could carve out of this hell-hole for the both of them.  He told her that he wanted to see if they could get her out of the corridors before someone who didn't even fucking know her tried to console her.  Everyone knew Ducote he was a fucking amazing FO and who ever came and fucking replaced him would be shit compared to him.  They would never hold a candle to who he was to a ship and crew and what he could have been if given the time. 

But, that was besides the point and there was no proof of that other than what Blue knew to be her own truths.  A medical officer stepped out as they were nearly out the medbay doors and was about to say something.  Blue's hand curled into a fist to shove it down his throat and tickle his intestines, but the man made eye contact with Cross first and shut up with a god awful high pitched squeak instead of actual words.  Worked well enough and the fucker went on his way without giving her placation about how they all fucking understood and she would get through this fucking shit in time.

It was a blissfully quiet walk, which was nice because Blue was currently stuck in her own head.  Ducote's final words playing over and over in her mind as she thought about all the things she wished she had said before he died and hadn't thought about in the shock of the moment of trying to get it all in during such a short time.  She loved him, he had seen her for who she was underneath the gruff exterior and allowed her to flourish in her own way with guidance and acceptance from his side.  She could not have asked for a better boyfriend, fiance, husband.  He had been there for her every step of the way teaching her hard lessons, helping build herself up, and helping her realize that she brought more than fierce intelligence to the table.  He had enabled her to truly realize herself as a person, to own Blue but understand that Em was a part of all of that.  She might have put herself on another past but she could not discount the suffering that a 9 year old went through, but how she pushed through all the pain and abandonment to save actual lives, to become someone in the universe. 

Before she knew it they were at the Turbolift.  Blue felt as though she was almost having an out of body experience.  She saw Cross standing there, arms crossed, leaned casually against the wall, and she could hear the chime of deck 8 as they headed towards it.  But, she felt as though she was only viewing it and not actually experiencing it.  Everything felt as though she was under water or she was hearing it from really far away.  She followed, almost blindly, as the lift doors opened and they were let out onto a corridor.  They headed for the holodeck and once entered he gave a code for Thea to recognize and suddenly the world of grids and darkness gave way to the bright vivid sun and the sound of the beach.

Blue rose her hand to block her eyes from the sun for a moment, until they got used to the brightness of the light.  The sea was a vivid bright blue color that crashed with perfection against the white crystalline sand.  The foaming caps rushing forward to dissipate among the shells, small shellfish, and sand.  There were massive palm trees that shot up into the air giving some of the beautiful beach shade, as an almost jungle pushed back away from the beach though there was a path that cut through it as though there might be a destination that way as well. 

Cross broke through her survey of the landscape by telling her this was where he came to do his thinking but if she didn't like it they would go elsewhere.  Before she could answer he was already stepping out of his boots and putting his Vulcan feet into the sand where they sunk slightly.  It was almost comical, a Vulcan on the beach enjoying the sand. Everything seemed wrong about the picture in front of her but at the same time, it was Cross and therefore perfect. 

“I have no better places.” she admitted as she leaned down and unclasped her own boots.  Stepping out of them she rolled up her Starfleet issue uniform pants and let her feet, like his, sink in the sand slightly.  The sea breeze played with her curls, the blue and black curls dancing on it's tendrils like ribbons giving her a much softer effect than she normally would.  She unzipped her Department Head jacket and tossed it on a fallen log close by allowing the tank top she wore underneath, black in color, to show.  She was pale as fuck, her skin in many places was mostly translucent the blue veins under her pale skin shimmered against the sunlight as she began to walk down the beach.

Cross was there, in step with her, she reached out and took his hand though she wasn't looking around or at him she was looking at the ground.  The water came and lapped around her ankles as it rushed towards the makeshift Earth.  For a long time they walked, and she was quiet, lost in her own thoughts, holding his hand was a tether to reality at the moment and solace.  Cross wouldn't press her, he never did.  Since the Versant, since they had grown close, he was just that person that stood beside her.  He was there at her wedding, there to save her life, there to carry her weak body off the transporter pad when they got to the Theurgy.  He was always there, she had no idea how she had gotten so lucky that he had taken a chance to get to know her in that way.

After a while they found a large flat rock of granite or some similar stone set beneath a few trees bursting up out of the sand.  They took refuge from the sun and sat in the shade on the stone side by side.  Blue was still holding his hand.  Her eyes looked out at the ocean, the lapping waves, the seagulls calling as they flew around above searching for food.  It was peaceful and beautiful out here.  She hadn't been to a beach since she was a small child, she hardly remembered it but it was not nearly as beautiful as this one. 

“I was lucky.” she said for the first time in a while.  “To have met him, and had him in my life.  He was amazing, and way too fucking good for me, but somehow.. it worked.” she said softly her eyes reflecting the ocean which made the normally ice blue color warmer.  “He was the only one that ever really saw me.  The real me.  The true me.”

Re: CH06: S [D03|1500] Life Interupted

Reply #7 – May 26, 2021, 11:59:03 PM

[ Lt. Cmdr. Cross | Holodeck 01 | Deck 08 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @BZ
[Show/Hide]

Cross allowed his eyes to wander up the beach as they walked, both leaving a trail of barefoot prints in the sand in their wake. He glanced at Blue as he felt her hand take his, finding himself surprised that she had done so.

It could certainly be said that the two of them were closed off when it came to most people, Cross himself having taken even more care not to touch people since his correction at the hands of the Savi, though that caution had never applied to Blue. Ever since she had fallen asleep on his shoulder aboard the Versant, the two had shared a bond that made the avoidance unnecessary. Indeed, when Blue had slept in his quarters in the immediate aftermath of the Spearhead Lounge bombing, Cross had held her hand, and Blue herself, for most of the night.

He supposed that he had expected Blue to be more closed off than usual, even around him, given the events that had transpired only a score of minutes ago.

As he glanced at her, he found she was staring at the ground before them, and so Cross simply held her hand as they walked, remaining silent.

They walked for some time, moving in silence save for the soft rustle of the palm fronds and the quiet sound of the sand beneath their feet,  occasionally punctuated by the cries of the gulls above which drifted over the waves. Finally, Blue steered them towards a large flat rock which was shaded by several tall, lanky palms, and the pair sat down in the shade. Blue still held his hand, their palms slightly sweaty from walking in the heat of the tropical sun. Cross made no move to end the contact, though he made an effort to keep the awareness of Blue bundled in the back of his mind, the former hybrid not wishing to intrude on the emotional state of his friend. She trusted him, and while she was aware of the fact that the physical contact would grant him a limited peek into her emotions, Cross would not take advantage and betray her trust.

Cross positioned himself with his legs extended out before him, leaning back slightly, his metallic left hand making a slight scraping noise against the rock's surface as he first settled himself. Still they remained quiet, the waves, palm fronds and the gulls the only source of sound, until finally Blue broke her silence.

She spoke of how she was lucky, both to have met Ducote, as well as to have had him in her life. She called him amazing, too good for her. She said he was the only one who ever saw her.

Cross had been listening in silence, content to let Blue say what she wanted to, himself playing the part of silent listener. Now, without thinking, Cross blurted out the first thing that popped into his pointy-eared head.

"I see you."

Three words which, once uttered, Cross would immediately regret. Not that the words were inaccurate, not because they were possibly insensitive to what Blue was talking about, but rather he lamented the utterance because he had betrayed himself with thinking. Hathev's voice echoed in his head, speaking the words she had spoken the other night, an accusation that Cross had feelings for the Theurgy's Chief Engineer.

An accusation that Cross, upon some reflection, had been unable to refute despite the fact that he had been unaware, or perhaps more accurately in denial of, until the very moment Hathev had spoken.

Now, sitting next to Blue, he had blurted out something which, given the circumstances, could be damaging to the friendship he had with the woman holding his hand. His eyes went wide, a bright green flush staining his features as his mind desperately sought a way to explain away what he had said.

Blue's gaze met his and Cross, his mind having come up with no excuse for the words, once again uttered the first thing to come to mind.

"Oh, haja..."

Deciding that there was nothing for it but to continue his eloquent and well considered monologue, Cross sighed and spoke again.

"I mean... I'm not trying to compare myself... with Ducote... or take away from what you're going through... I..." Cross sighed, dropping his gaze in frustration. "Haja, I shouldn't be allowed to talk."

Truer words...

"I just meant... well... I see you. And I'm not running away." Cross raised his gaze once more, having dug the hole of his own idiocy too deep to climb out of. Releasing his grip on her hand, Cross swept his hand over the shaved skin of his head as he tried to find the words he was looking for. "Ducote... wasn't the only one that you matter to, Blue."

Re: CH06: S [D03|1500] Life Interupted

Reply #8 – June 04, 2021, 06:08:05 PM

[LCdr Blue Tiran | How to Move Forward | Unintentional Information | Beach Buddies]
@Fife




It was hard to think that she had likely met the only person that understood her and saw her for the person she was.  Blue had become adept, through survival skills alone, at pushing people away and putting a front up that showed people she wasn't to be bothered by their fuckery.  However, internally, she was just a young girl who had lost everything she held dear when she was too young to understand how to grieve.  Survival kicked in, and Blue had figured out how to raise herself, get through life, and as grief gave way to full on resentment she knew that her best choice was to get the fuck out as soon as she could.  Blue had graduated high school early with her intelligence, drive, and will power.  Afterwards she had been scouted by many places but none on the planet were far enough away from her parents.  Starfleet was the only answer, had really always been the only answer.  Arthur had been in Starfleet and while he had never come home in the end, she knew that he would be proud of her for making it as far as she had. 

Blue had lost everyone, everyone that had loved her.  Her brother, he had died in the line of duty and while his body had never been recovered, he was deemed dead by the fleet.  After that was the fall of her mother, the grief of losing her son had torn her apart, and then shortly there after, Angela.  She had run away, leaving with people that were her friends, and had never come back.  Lastly, her father fell to his grief and the sheer stress of holding everyone up.  Now, Ducote was gone, he had died in a senseless explosion that made Blue fight with her hatred of all things Klingon at this point. 

”I see you.”

The words hit her ear drums, said quickly and so easily by Cross who sat leaning back next to her.  Blue's head shot up and her eyes widened.  She forgot, often, that he was a touch telepath and likely really did see all of her thoughts and inner workings at least on the surface.  Blue was not self absorbed enough to think anyone gave two fucks about what she was thinking enough to look deeply.  But instead, to just glean a general thought process of her from the information on the surface and that was again, even if they wanted to.  She looked at their hands, intertwined still, such a normal thing to touch Cross that she never even thought about the fact that he could feel her emotions.  Not that she minded, she hid nothing from him, at all, and she cared about him quite deeply in her own way.

She could tell that he was surprised too, that he had said those words.  Blue smiled softly, she really cared about Cross he was so very important to her.  Without him she knew she would be breaking at the seams.  It was one thing to do this on the Versant, and even then, she had been just surviving to rescue everyone else and then give up.  But Cross had come in, and he had been a support for her, and that had changed everything given her something to move forward next to.  Again, he filled that role.

Cross seemed to be embarrassed or something, because he cursed and then began to tell her that he wasn't trying to be Ducote, or compare to him, but then paused and said he shouldn't be allowed to talk.  Blue chuckled.  “You're quite the fucking mess.  Isn't that my gig?” she asked bumping his shoulder slightly.

She tried to lighten the mood only... Cross wasn't ready.  He continued talking despite realizing that he shouldn't continue and told her that he saw her, and he wasn't running away.  That she mattered to other people, not just Ducote.  Blue's cheeks flushed in a blush because to be quite frank she never expected anyone to see her as anything other than the bitchy Chief of Engineering.  However, there she was sitting next to someone that was confessing that he still saw her, and she was glad for it.  There was still hope, not just hope because someone else could understand her, but also hope that she would not be relegated to live the rest of her days lonely.  It wasn't about finding a relationship or anything like that so much as it was about sharing her experiences and thoughts with someone that had mutual care. 

Blue leaned over and put her head softly on his shoulder, her favorite most familiar spot since they had met.  Blue curls tumbled down like dark messy rivers all over his clothes as she did so, what was left free played with on the breeze.  “Thank you.” she said softly, her throat choked up slightly, but she did not cry. 

For a while, the pair sat out looking at the ocean.  His words resounding in her mind as she sat there, her head on his shoulder like so many times before.  It was funny, because oddly enough, it felt as though his shoulder had been made in the precise shape of her head.  It was ridiculously comfortable, or perhaps it was just that she had sought comfort and shelter on it more times than she could count.  Even when Ducote had left them in the Brig that night, she had rested her head on Cross' shoulder. He was the pillar that she leaned on, the one that she knew would always been standing behind her, ready to support her when she went off the rails until she could get herself back on. 

"I probably need to see a counselor." she sighed softly.  She had been seeing Hathev, but she had a feeling.. an inkling, though it was not fully founded, that Cross and Hathev were a thing.  Or had been, or at least had slept together.  Something had been going on between them two of them.  It wasn't that, which caused Blue pause though, Hathev had been a very good counselor for Blue, letting her work on her things so she didn't fall asleep.  Pushing Blue, but never shoving her out of the comfort zone too fast.  She had not even gotten to fully talk about the things that had deeply scarred her as a young girl and began to warp what was a sweet, funny, happy girl, into someone that used curse words to emphasize the bullshit in life. 

"Do they have oceans on Vulcan?" she asked, because she honestly didn't know.  And to be fair, she didn't know a whole lot about Cross' past.  Just little bits that he had cared to share with her and she was much the same way.  There were deep secrets that they kept from one another, the most painful ones and yet, she felt that every day they spent together.  Every minute, hour, experience they spent in each other's company they got closer to opening up more and more.  As they had on the Versant, it wasn't a huge opening there, but it was a massive step for Blue and to have it reciprocated had meant the world to her considering how vulnerable it had made her feel opening up to someone she knew but wasn't familiar with.

- FIN