Star Trek: Theurgy

CH04: S [D06|1030] A Moment’s Reprieve

January 17, 2019, 09:52:18 AM

[ Lt. Cross | Office adjoining the Bridge Module | The Versant ] Attn: @BZ
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Cross could see the fatigue wash over Blue as Captain Ives’ words finally registered with her. The drive that had come with having a task to perform seemed to have kept her going, though that drive seemed to be disappearing now that that purpose was complete. Truth be told, Cross wasn’t fairing much better. Despite the fact that a battle was currently being fought, the moment’s pause they had had beforehand had allowed his adrenaline rush to subside. That, coupled with the shock to his system at losing a hand and the unforeseen effects of the painkiller dose he had taken, had left him dead on his feet. He had watched through a haze as Blue had performed her task, working with a PADD and the wires pulled from a lighting fixture to provide the Theurgy’s AI with additional power. He had considered trying to join the battle as the shouts had rung out, even going so far as to stoop to retrieve one of the Savi graviton rifles that littered the floor. The way his head swam as he tried to bend over to retrieve it had dissuaded him from pursuing that course of action as he realized he was little use to anyone right now. Or so he had thought.

Seeing Blue standing as though is shock as Ives dismissed her reminded him that he had at least been of use to someone, even if that usefulness was manifested only as some sort of emotional support. He had moved up beside her, laying a hand on her arm and murmuring the words ”Come on, Blue.” as he guided her towards the stairs to the upper levels, towards the offices. He wasn’t sure she had even heard him speak, though after a moment her shoulders had slumped and she had followed, pausing here and there to scoop up the odd piece of equipment or weapon and tuck each item in the bag she wore. Each time she paused Cross had stopped to make sure she wasn’t about to curl up on the floor where she was. Each time he had turned, the swimming sensation in his head had almost caused Cross to tip over. He didn’t need sleep, his new Vulcan physiology made sure of that, he just needed time to allow the drugs to wear off. He only hoped that the unfortunate side effects would subside sooner rather than later.

Cross located an empty office and made his way inside, guiding Blue towards the single chair in the room. ”You should sit down, Blue. You look as though you’re about to crumble.” he said, realizing as he said the words that he was hardly being delicate in his wording. The Vulcan inwardly cursed himself, wondering exactly how he had managed to wind up as the one caring for someone in such an emotionally and physically drained state. He wasn’t a medical professional, nor was he a counsellor. Hell, he wasn’t a people person. He was someone generally described as awkward, gruff and unapproachable.

And yet he found himself worried about the Human woman he now guided into the chair, concerned for her safety and wanting to protect her. Thus far, between goading her into action to work on the AI’s power source and then blurting out the odd gruff phrase, he felt he was doing a piss poor job of it.

Once Blue was seated, Cross’ body sagged and leaned against the wall, his back resting against the bulkhead. As soon as he was sure he wasn’t about to keel over, he focused his eyes on the engineer seated before him, the blue streak that ran through her dark hair seeming odd to him, the splash of colour standing out. His eyes moved away from the splash of colour, focusing on Blue’s face. Her visage was more seemed thinner, more gaunt under the lighting in the office. It occurred to Cross that he probably didn’t look much better. With a sigh, Cross let his legs bend, feeling his back slide down the bulkhead until his rear end came to rest on the floor. Once he was seated, the former hybrid let out a long sigh, shaking his head as he attempted to gather his thoughts. His head seemed to spin less now that he was seated and stationary. That was something. He studied Blue for a moment, knowing he ought to say something, though unsure of what to say. Words had never been his strong point.

”Commander…” Cross began, then stopped himself. Something told him ranks and titles weren’t what the fragile engineer seated across from him needed at that moment. ”Blue…” Better. Awkward, but better. ”I…” Cross hesitated, struggling to find the words. ”Thank you. For saving us. I meant what I said earlier,” he said, his words filled with genuine meaning. After a moment he realized the intensity of his unblinking stare might come across as threatening and dropped his gaze. He felt heat rise in his cheeks as he continued, feeling the familiar discomfort he experienced when speaking so frankly to someone, ”you saved us all. We’re only alive because of you.” She looked so tired, like she was ready to drop. All the fight seemed to have drained from her, making the woman sitting across from him to seem a far cry from the Blue Tiran that he and Shar had had to force into the escape pod a lifetime ago. ”And… I’m sorry. About Commander Ducote. He... he was a good man.” Weak words, hardly doing justice to the Commander, but the best he could manage. He realized too late that what he had said might do more harm than good.

Re: CH04: S [D06|1030] A Moment’s Reprieve

Reply #1 – January 18, 2019, 05:07:01 PM

[LCdr Blue Tiran | Finding Solace | Comfort in the Oddest Partners | Vulcan Sympathy is Shit | Cracks to Fractures | When Does it Not Hurt]
@Fife

It hurt.

Every step.

Every breath.

Every movement.

It wasn't even her body.  Though that was sore too.  Sleeping against Cross.  Not sleeping except for curled on her side passing out from exhaustion in her maintenance bay.  Her body, every muscle, radiated with a soreness that reminded her consistently of the shit she had lived for these last several .. whatevers.  She had no fucking idea how many days it had actually been.  No schedule, no time, no nothing she knew nothing except for shifts.  Sleep, wake, work, plan.  Sleep, wake, work, plan.  That had been her life until she had finally been ousted by Echtand.

A pang.

Not nearly on the level of when she thought about Ranaan.... the sharp pointed stab in the center of his being at the mere thought of his name was nothing compared to the slight weight when Echtand came into her mind.  For that, it was guilt.  She had not killed him, herself, but she and their plan had been the reason he died.  He died for his ship, for his people, and for her people.  For the people that stood in the fucking bay that they were leaving behind.   She and Cross rose up towards one of the offices and her legs screamed with every step.  The gash in her leg, heeled by R'Rori but it would scar, if not of the flesh it would scar in the mind.  Everything here would.  A festering scab that was a reminder of every movement … as if to say 'you suffered, remember?' 

The office was stark, and boring, and without any personality.  She didn't expect any less.  Her eyes, glassy, shifted over to Cross as he mentioned that she should sit.  She looked like she was about to crumble.  She looked over at Cross as if the computer of her mind was having difficulty running the processes.  Her hands trembled, it was the only sign that his words had struck her heavily at this moment.  Swallowing, forcing her lungs to work, forcing her throat to take down the bile that threatened to rise.  Glassy eyes shifted, finding the chair.  There... a chair... a chair that looked marginally comfortable.

He lost an arm. she reminded herself.

[Miss Blue, Lieutenant Cross has offered you the only seat in the room as a true gentleman should, having referrenced old text on the matter.  It behooves you, to take the proffered seating.]

Blinking a moment at Albert and his terminology she let out a long sigh and trudged over to the chair.  Tossing her loot and her bag on the desk she slumped into the chair with a crash.  Carefully she reached up and put Albert on the desk, where he perched using his talons to balance on the ledge of the desk surveying Blue for a moment.  His blue eyes brightened and the sound of some kind of process sounded so loud in the room that was populated by the exhausted breathing of Cross and Blue.

[Miss Blue, your hormone levels are critically low. You are currently suffering from malnutrition, dehydration, and exhaustion.  I have also detected multiple wounds on your arms.  You should seek medical assistance as soon as applicable.]

“Fu..fuck you, Albert.”

[I am beginning to amend my programming to understand that when you use said terminology you do not mean the actual act of sexual intercourse, it is merely, a word you favor.  Though, unfavorably so.]

Blue twisted in the chair, and reached for her bag.  She missed twice, before her hand finally landed on it's soft well used fabric.  It was covered in patches, buttons, and held together by will power, duct tape, and thread.  It was old, ancient really.  Though she had never wanted a new one.  She had been asked time and time again why she did not replicate herself a new one.  The many times that it fell apart and she fixed the fucker and put it back into use.  Ranaan must have known it held a great deal of sentimentality because he had never once given her a new bag.  He could have, but he had never, she never explained nor described the origins of the bag.  It was her most prized possession except the ring on her left hand, and of course Albert.  The things she cherished the most in the world.

Tossing the flap open, she reached in and pulled out some of the tools she would need for the project she had in mind.  She needed to get a portable power pack together for Thea so that the Captain could travel with her.  Swallowing heavily she looked at the screw that had been her buddy earlier.  She grabbed it took and held it in her wrist contemplating it felt in her hand.  The way the sharp point pressed into the flesh of her palm. 

Commander.

Blue's eyes flickered up.  Her rank-no name, said from the equally exhausted Vulcan who pressed against the wall missing his hand.  She would remedy that.  It would be her first real project where ever the fuck she ended up after this.  Likely a fucking mental institution for Starfleet's Most Unwanted and Most Fucked.  She was going to make him a hand that would make everyone jealous.  She was going to make him something so fucking amazing he wasn't going to miss his original hand.  She would do it.  She was going to make it sooo fucking amazing.

He amended to her name, and her brow perked slightly waiting for the rest of his phrase to come.  She might have said something nasty.  Something sarcastic.  But, she was too tired, her brain wasn't working right.

His words hit her.  They hit her hard.  She had saved them, saved them all.  And he was thanking her for it.  Blue couldn't help but feel her eyes widen in surprise.  She had never wanted any accolades, she hadn't done this shit so people would remember.  She had just.. been herself.  She might not be the sort that made best friends out of everyone she met but she was mother fucking loyal as shit and these were her mother fucking people.  She was not going to stand by and let them fucking destroy her people.  Experiment on her people. 

“I did what.. what anyone would have done.” she whispered softly as she pumped her fist open and closed around the screw that it held not piercing the skin but just poking the skin inside with the sharp side.  “I had to do .. something.  They.. what they did... was horrible.”

She choked around the words as the flashbacks hit her heavily.  The experiments, the man fucked to death, literally.  The woman with the  mind control.  I should tell someone about that shit. she thought but she was too tired to get herself up out of her chair.  All of that shit she had seen, the alliances made, the battles for Albert and Thea.  The changes to something that she created. 

[Miss Blue, you seem to be in emotional distress.]

Her eyes cut to the owl perched on the desk examining her.  “You don't know what the fuck you're talking about Albert.”

[Your breathing and heart rate are both, currently, elevated.  I am incapable of making an actual medical diagnosis at this time, however, should you intend to upgrade my chassis in the future a Medical Tricorder could be an excellent addition.]

He had taken her mind off of the horrors for the moment, at least, fighting with Albert gave her some sense of normalcy she had never had.  He had never fought back before.  This was something she both found enjoyable and annoying as shit.  Time would tell whether she installed a mute button or not. 

Cross was speaking again, and Blue's eyes shifted to the Vulcan seated on the floor of the office.  It happened again, the chill.  Her skin in goosebumps, she felt that she couldn't breathe, she couldn't get her lungs to work properly.  The horrendous gasping sounds that came from her body as she fought to get her air.  As though she had been kicked in the chest.  She clasped her free hand around her heart, clutching it as she leaned forward trying to catch her breath.  Her other hand closed harshly spearing her palm on the screw the flash of pain was not enough.  It wasn't enough. It didn't hurt enough, it was deep enough to balance the pain of his name.

His name. 

He was a good man.

Was.

He was past tense now.

He was.

Was.

No longer here.  No longer coming around the corner.  She would never hear her nickname again except in her hallucinations.  She would never feel his warm arms around her as they watched the Princess Bride for the umpteenth time on the couch after eating Brazilian food.  She would never scowl at him as he turned off her console so that she would come eat and spend time with him.  Or drag her to bed when she could barely walk straight because she had worked a triple shift to fix shit that no one else could fucking manage to get right. 

Her fist pumped, over and over again, driving the screw into the flesh there, over and over again the puncture wounds working their magic against the agony that was in her soul.  She dropped her head to the desk.  Her hair spilled around her to hide her from view as she started to get her lungs to work.  Forced them to inflate.  Forced them to work.  Forced her mind to clear.  Again and again and again and again, and finally, she could breathe.  Her body was trembling.  Shaking. 

No.  No I won't go down like this.  Later.  Later I can go.  There is work yet.  Work yet to do.  Thea.  Cross' hand.  I have .. purpose.

Tears stung but she would not allow them to spill.  She blinked until they dried up and she stayed hunched over.  Albert turned to Cross.  [I have accessed journals of medicine and cross referenced Miss Blue's symptoms with the information located within.  It seems that Miss Blue is suffering from either a mental break down, a nervous break down, or a panic attack.]

Blue began to pull herself up to a sitting position.  Keeping her hand hidden from view.  The uninjured hand curled up in a fist against her forehead where she rested it.  Allowing her arm and elbow hold her up for a moment.

[I would suggest a Medical Officer should be informed.  I believe, having scanned and cross referenced various faces with software loaded into my central programming, there are multiple options while on the Versant.  I believe Lt. R'Rori is a counselor and while not medically inclined, could perhaps belay the symptoms for the time being.  However there is also a, Lt. Zephyr Praise who was last known to attend the Academy a second time as a Medical Officer.  Would you like me to inform one of them of the necessity for Medical care?]

“Don't.  Fucking.  Call.  Anyone.” Blue grumbled out angrily as she shot Albert a pissy look.  If looks alone could kill he would be scrap metal.

[Miss Blue, I do not believe you are in the state of mi-]

“Initate shut down protocols.  B-02DU66TE12.”

[Initation of shut down protocols activated.]

The lights on Albert's face flickered and went out.  He sat there on the desk inert for the moment, and Blue sighed softly her shoulders slumped.  She leaned back in her seat for a moment, just glad that she was able to shut him down still.  He was going to have to learn his boundaries, it was something she would have to teach him.  Her eyes shifted over to Cross, they were red, and glassy, and angry, and hurt. 

“He... he was ..” she choked, her fist closed again.  The pain.  It was good.  It was controllable.  “..the very best.” she whispered softly looking down at her lap, at the mess she had made of her hand.  It was still usable.  It would still work, it was a small screw.  “I .. I never deserved him.  I have no fucking idea... how he managed to see the good in me.  Everyone else.. sees a bitch.  Not him though, never him.  Not ever, since the beginning.  He never.. ever doubted me.  No matter what I did.  No matter what I said.  H... he was there.”

Her eyes stayed on her hands.  Afraid to look up.

“I don't know what to do... now that he's not.  I'm … I'm missing.. the other half of me.” she whispered painfully.

Re: CH04: S [D06|1030] A Moment’s Reprieve

Reply #2 – January 18, 2019, 08:38:14 PM

[ Lt. Cross | Office adjoining the Bridge Module | The Versant ] Attn: @BZ
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”I did what… what anyone else would have done.”

Her words were quiet. A soft whisper. And also a lie.

Cross had served with a lot of people over the years, fought along side all sorts during the war, and he knew better. He’d seen more than a few people, good people, who broke and ran when the going got tough. Who put themselves before others. Every man for themselves, and fuck the greater good. No, not everyone would have done what she had done. She had displayed courage. Selflessness. All the things that Starfleet was meant to embody. The things Cross had strived to emulate since Starfleet had liberated him from hell.

He could also hear the pain in her voice as she choked out the last words, saying that what had been done to the captured Starfleet crew was horrible. Those words brought a memory bubbling to the surface of his mind.

He was suspended some sort of pod, floating in a viscous liquid, his breath being provided by a tube which ran into his mouth and past his trachea. Through the pod’s glass, he could see other members of the crew suspended in identical pods. One was thrashing, hitting the glass of his tiny prison. A voice, one of the Savi, warned against such actions, but the crewman didn’t heed the warning. Moments later, blood was visible in the crewman’s pod, the man having damaged his hand. Cross had watched as the man had been recycled, as he dissolved in the liquid of his pod, then was flushed down some drain at the bottom. Recycled… to feed the Savi ship.

Horrible.

Cross had pushed the memory away, forcing it down as he had continued to speak. Blue’s reaction told him he had chosen the wrong thing to say. Albert did little to help the situation, turning it’s glowing blue eyes to Cross as it stated that, according to his referencing of medical journals, he concluded that Blue was either having a mental breakdown, a nervous breakdown, or suffering a panic attack. The metallic bird displayed a wonderful mastery of the delicate art of stating the obvious. If Cross hadn’t known how much the bird meant to Blue, he most likely would have smashed the thing. As it was he felt a sense of relief as Blue gave a command and the annoying tin pigeon powered down, it’s insufferable nattering finally silenced.

As Blue turned her normally crystalline blue eyes back towards him, Cross saw that they were red, and glassy. He could see anger in those eyes. Anger and pain. She spoke again then, almost choking on the words as she spoke about Ducote. Saying that he was the very best. That she didn’t deserve him.

She was avoiding looking at him, staring at her hand instead as she whispered that she didn’t know what to do now. That she didn’t know what to do without him. That a piece of her was missing. It seemed strange, but Cross found he envied her that feeling. He had lost friends over the years, but never someone he cared about. He had never cared that much about anyone... had never been close enough to someone to care for them in such a way. At the same time, as he felt that strange sense of envy, he couldn’t help but feel for her. She was hurting, on the verge of breaking. The pain in her voice was palpable.

Cross put his hands on the deck plating and pushed himself up, remembering too late that he only had one. A spike of pain shot up his arm as he pressed the stump of his left arm down against the floor, wincing as he pushed himself up. Once he had gained his feet he made his way over to the chair in which Blue sat, ignoring the torment that emanated from the mangled limb despite the painkillers. A wave of dizziness washed over him as he reached the table, forcing the Vulcan to put his remaining hand out to steady himself against the desk’s surface. It lasted only a moment, and he turned his attention to the woman in the chair as his mind focused once again. She was clenching her hand, holding it in her lap. From where he stood, he could see a small amount of blood escaping from the tightly closed fist.

Cross raised his gaze and focused on Blue’s face, or what he could see of it as she stared down into her lap. He could make out little of her features through the thicket of dark hair with it’s coloured streaks, though he knew it would be wearing a pained expression that would have nothing to do with her bleeding appendage.

”People can be quick to judge those that behave different from themselves.” Cross eventually said, speaking softly. ”It’s easy to label those of us that don’t fit the usual Starfleet mould. You’re called a bitch. I’m cold and bitter.” Cross turned and positioned himself so that he has half-seated on the desktop. ”Those are people who haven’t experienced the same things in their lives.” Cross leaned down, trying to peer past the hanging veil of hair that shrouded Blue’s face. ”Fuck them.” The curse felt strange on his tongue, unfamiliar. He would normally have sworn in Cardassian, his first language, but knew it would do little good without a universal translator to allow Blue to understand. "But missing a part of yourself..." Cros let out a breath, trying to think, "I... don't know what that would feel like. I've never..." Cross hesitated, feeling awkward revealing something about himself, "I've never had anyone to lose..."

A fresh wave of dizziness hit him then, the drugs peaking in his system. He reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose, suppressing a soft groan as he tried to concentrate. The flesh between his fingers felt strange. Smooth. Unfamiliar. He let his hand fall away with a small sigh, glancing down at the blood seeping from Blue’s closed hand. He leaned forward, gently placing his fingers on the wrist above the bleeding appendage. He lost his balance as he leaned forward and ended up sliding off the table, ending up on his knees next to her chair. He glanced up into Blue’s face from his new, lower position. ”Let me have a look.” He said the words softly, not wanting them to sound like an order.

As Blue opened her hand, his eyes fell on the puncture wounds that marred her palm, and the tiny screw that was the culprit. "I can't say I knew Commander Ducote very well, but I would guess that he wouldn't approve of this..." He understood what she was doing. Pain to drive away the hurt. He had done similar things in his old life... and still bore the scar to attest to the fact. His rehabilitation on Earth had rid him of the practise, his mentors and counsellors calling it unhealthy coping. Not that he was about to start counselling Blue in the matter.

Perhaps it was the combination of trauma, drugs and exhaustion, but as he stared down at the hand, with it's tiny trickles of blood meandering across the palm from the punctures that marred the flesh, Cross found he couldn’t help but emit a soft giggle as a strange thought struck him. ”You know,” he said, a slight smile crossing his features as he returned his gaze to Blue’s red-rimmed eyes, ”if you dislike that hand so much, I could use a spare…”

Re: CH04: S [D06|1030] A Moment’s Reprieve

Reply #3 – January 19, 2019, 04:49:11 PM

[LCdr Blue Tiran | When All Good is Gone |  Pain Blankets Pain | Support in the Most Odd Places |  Ducote's Don't Go Down |  Not a Ducote Yet]
@Fife

He moved.

Blue could hear him moving, she could hear the intake of breath as he got up off the ground and worked his way to her.  She should care; about his pain.  She should tell him to sit the fuck down he didn't look any better than she fucking felt.  But, she knew that he was there for her.  In some odd way he was there for her taking care of her when she was on the ledge between life or death.  She wanted to pass out but she was too fucking stubborn to go out without it being her choice.  Swallowing heavily as he made his way around to her, nearly falling, her hand reached out but it was still curled around the screw, so she was absolutely no help.  It froze half way between her body and his own before falling limply to her lap. 

He spoke to her.  She had no fucking idea that Cross could be so .. kind and warm.  There was a warmth to him as he spoke to her.  About how people liked to label those that didn't necessarily fit in the normal Starfleet mode.  She was a bitch, he was cold and bitter.  Those were the last words that she would ever use to describe Cross after this.  He wasn't cold or bitter.  He was warm and supportive.  She would look up at him.  Studying his face.  He looked sad, forlorn, in pain.  Her heart ached for him, and it helped assuage the ache that had settled in the place where her heart used to be.  That cold darkness that she held at the center of her being.  To hear him Cross brought a slight quirk to her lips.  Because she had never, in memory, heard him do curse.  It was great.  She hoped that he would do it more and she would rub off on him.  She could be a good influence in the vocabulary kind.

Swallowing heavily, he admitted that he didn't know what it was like to feel as she did about Ranaan.  For someone to be your other half.

She swallowed heavily.

“It's .. it's the best feeling.  Someone accepting you for who and what you are.  Not letting the shields you've built deter them.  I hope you have it one day.  I hope you don't lose it like I did.  There is no pain... quite like this one.” she whispered softly.

He looked at her hand, and leaned over to capture her wrist in his slender fingers.  Losing his balance she gasped as he slid to the floor.  He didn't seem bothered by it, but she was, she was very bothered by it.  He needed rest as much as she did.  He had lost a fucking hand and here she was pouting because she couldn't breath when Ducote's name was mentioned.  They were a messed up pair that much was for certain.  He opened her palm and looked at the damage she had done to herself.  She didn't apologize for herself because, she didn't regret it.  It was this or wallow in the lack of Ranaan in her life.  She needed time to mourn, there had been no time to mourn.  No time to do anything like she needed.  She needed to mourn, to cope, to recover.

Recover.... she thought to herself in a voice full of snark.  How could she ever recover?

He mentioned that Ranaan wouldn't likely be happy about what she was doing to herself.  He could likely see hints that the wounds went up her arm.  Though those had not been screws but a nasty sharp piece of metal.  They were clotted now, but they had served the purpose when she had needed it up in the air shafts.  Swallowing heavily she nodded, it was her only response, to his words.  It was all she could come up with.

Then he giggled. 

He's gone fucking mad. she thought as he giggled.  She looked at him as though he had grown two heads.  He looked up at her with an odd sparkle in his eyes as he told her that if she wasn't so fond of her hand he could use a spare.  Blue took a moment of silence, and then she snorted.  A smile crossed her face as she laughed, causing him to laugh, and both of them likely looking like absolute fools as they laughed about the fact that he needed a hand and she had fucked hers up.  Finally, the laughter died out and she pushed on his shoulder playfully.

“That was really poor fucking form, Cross, fuck!” she had pushed him, lightly, but he still tumbled to the deck plating and she laughed again, at the fact that he was sprawled on the floor with a look of shock on his face.  She pointed at him and laughed.  “The mighty Vulcan has fallen!” she laughed again and brushed her mass of curls out of her face. 

She gave a sigh, feeling a little lighter for his joke and the laughter that had cut the tension a little bit at least.  Her eyes shifted over to the pile of shit on the desk in front of her and picked up one of the phasers.  She began to pull the power pack out of the phasers that she was able to get on her way here.  She tossed the empty phasers to the deck plating on the side and began to expose the conduits that were hidden by the connection port from the pack to the phaser.  She exposed the wires and conduits and began stripping the wires to get this shit exposed so she could use it.  Thea was going to need another power source. 

“Take a nap Cross, you're fucking high, or in pain, or something.  Sleep.  I'm going to need you later.” she admitted, it was not easy for her to admit it.  But he was definitely helping her.  And he needed help himself.  He needed it because he had lost an arm, he had been through a ton of shit, he didn't deserve to have to deal with her baggage.  She felt bad for him.  “I'll be here, I'm not going to off myself.  I'm needed.. I have shit to do... Sleep.  Don't make me neck pinch you.”

She had no fucking idea how to do that.  But, it was nice to threaten him.

Re: CH04: S [D06|1030] A Moment’s Reprieve

Reply #4 – January 21, 2019, 09:51:54 PM

[ Lt. Cross | Office adjoining the Bridge Module | The Versant ] Attn: @BZ
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Cross couldn’t stop himself from letting out another stoned giggle as Blue pushed him, sending him sprawling onto the deck plating. He ended up on his back, his pale eyes staring up at the dim ceiling lights for a moment before he turned his gaze back to his assailant. He shook his head as Blue declared that “the might Vulcan” had fallen, unable to supress the smile that spread over his features. He couldn’t remember the last time he had smiled like this. It seemed like a lifetime ago, certainly before arriving aboard the Savi ship.

Truth be told, Cross had long ago adopted the habit of not smiling often, having grown tired of hearing foolish comments from idiot crewmen about how strange it was to see a Vulcan smile or laugh. He had only been half Vulcan at the time, and even then only genetically. He had never been to Vulcan, had not been raised by Vulcans, had little to do with Vulcan crew members. Apparently green blood and pointed ears were enough to warrant generalizations, though.

Regardless, it felt good to smile and laugh again.

Cross carefully pushed himself up to a sitting position, this time without using his left arm. Blue had began taking apart a phaser she had produced form her bag, extracting the power pack and tossing the shell to the deck before beginning to expose the power pack’s insides. She spoke as she worked, her hands not missing a beat as they deftly handled the power pack. She told him to get some sleep, joking that she wouldn’t off herself which he slept. Cross wasn’t sure if the joke was meant to be a reassurance, though he didn’t believe there was a serious risk of her doing such at thing. His smiled returned as she threatened to neck pinch him if he didn’t do as he was told. He doubted she would be able to back up such a threat but decided against voicing his doubts. She had a point though, he was being affected by the painkillers. He needed to sleep.

Cross scooted himself backward until his back was against the wall using his one good hand, his head swimming enough to cause him to doubt his ability to stand without difficulty at that moment. Once he had his back against the wall, he sat and watched Blue work for another moment before a thought occurred to him. ”Perhaps you should save one of those hand phasers,” he suggested, ”we may still need them before we get out of this, and I can’t easily handle a rifle as I am.” Cross hesitated another moment before speaking again. ”You should get some sleep as well, Blue. You may not be stoned like some of us, but you look like you’re about to keel over.” He spoke the words in a quiet tone rather than his usual matter of fact growl, the words not fully conveying the sense of worry he felt. She looked rough. Her face was gaunt, her eyes still red rimmed from the earlier tears. As he watched her work, he wished there was something more he could do, something he could say.

He knew there wasn’t. He had never been good with people. Or emotions, for that matter. Hell, he had enough trouble keeping his own in check. He was hardly in a position to counsel someone else about theirs.

Cross sighed and let his head fall back against the bulkhead. His eyes were heavy, his mind clouded by the drugs. What had been in that hypospray? He was only glad he hadn’t taken the full dose. He fought to keep his eyes open, his pale gaze watching the quick, confident movements of Blue’s hands as she went about her work. She had said she was needed, that she had shit to do.

You can’t help those who need you if you can hardly keep your eyes open.

As that thought drifted through his head, he wasn’t sure if it had been directed at her, or at himself. He wasn’t sure where this sense of wanting to protect her had come from. He had never felt this concern for someone before. Perhaps it was the fact that she was one of the few remaining ties to his life aboard the Endeavour. They had lost their ship, their Captian, their friends. Kai had been the only real friend Cross had ever had, though the loveable giant was either dead or assimilated now. Blue had lost the man she loved.

As his mind drifted towards unconsciousness, a part of Cross wondered if this was what is was like to have a family. To have someone you worried about. His roommate back at the Academy had tried to describe what it was like once, though he had done of poor job of describing it to Cross. Or perhaps it was just something you couldn’t describe to someone who hadn’t experienced it. Either way, Cross felt the desire to protect Blue Tiran, and silently resolved to watch over her and see her safely through this.

A moment later, his mind succumbed to the drugs coursing through his system, his eyes slowly gliding shut as he was overcome by the sleep Blue had ordered.

Re: CH04: S [D06|1030] A Moment’s Reprieve

Reply #5 – January 23, 2019, 03:38:15 AM

[LCdr Blue Tiran | Even Vulcan's Nap | Soft Sympathies | Bonding in Adversity | Creating a Family; Piece by Piece]
@Fife

It was probably the only time Blue could say she knocked a Vulcan on his ass.  But, she would try to remember it and hope that it was something she could tease him with later.  She would likely forget or repress most of what had happened here.  It was what she had done when she was nine and she doubted that now would be any different.  Her adult mind didn't like the horrors of what she had seen, experienced, and known.  She didn't want to think about it, but she could probably live with all of that.  She could live with the horrors and she could live with the things that had happened.  What she couldnt live with was... him.

She had lost him.

He was gone. 

He would never come back.

She would never hear his voice again. 

She would never hear his nickname for her, she would never know that smile, or that exasperated look.  She would never know that image of him rubbing the back of his neck as he came around the corner to the Brig.  The way he smiled at her after a long day at work when he came with Brazilian food and twinkies.  The way only he could close the computer she was using, or unplug her and the only one that wouldn't die a thousand painful deaths.  He was the only one that tolerated her love of all things fuzzy, and took her on adventures.  He was... everything.

Still on the floor, Cross scooted himself backwards to the wall and settled there.  She didn't think it looked too bad.  Better than the places she had slept lately.  He settled in and watched her work.  Her hands going to work quickly.  He mentioned saving one of the phasers if she could because they never knew when they might need one.  Down below mayhem still reigned and Blue was doing all that she could to block out the sound of phaser bolts and screams.  She didn't need that baggage on top of everything else at this moment.  He mentioned he couldn't handle a rifle as good as he used to.

“Just you wait, Cross, I'm going to make people want to lose their hands because of how fucking amazing the hand I make you will be.” she promised him quickly.  She didn't know if he cared or not, but she knew that he was still in shock.  Fuck, she was in fucking shock at the moment.  Losing an entire limb was something else, and now, she just had to figure out what to do with all of it.  When she thought about his hand ideas started spooling up but she didn't have time to fuck with it at the moment.  She didn't have time to give it the right attention.

But she would, she would.

He mentioned that she should get some sleep too.  She smiled softly, just a little bit of a quirk of the lips more than an actual smile.  She gave a nod.  “Soon as I finish this.” she promised because she was actually really exhausted and she knew that if she sat still long enough and let her brain stop working for half a minute she would probably pass out but she had work to do first.  Thea needed a portable battery pack and it was too important to wait til the last moment.  Who knew when Thea was going to have to be moved and be untethered to the wall. 

She stripped the wires and began to join them together.  Plastic caps being put on top of the wires so that there were no exposed edges.  She waited as they secured just right before letting them go and duct taping the whole fucking thing together. Grabbing up the PADDs that she had around her she began dismantling one of them to be a surge protector.  Each padd was built in with some kind of energy exchange system so that it would even out the energy received should there be some sort of short or surge in the system.  She ripped that whole fucking system out and used it to be a conduit from the battery pack she had just fucked together and the PADD she was going to use to hook into Thea, a massive battery pack that should give her enough power.

Hours at least, based on the drain rate she had seen earlier. 

Her mind was running with calculations that had been created from the equations in her brain.  The ones that were stored and saved from years of work and grinding through the Academy.  She worked herself hard because it was the only thing that she could do, and it kept her mind off of all the other things in her mind.  The things that she didn't want to think about because they were too hard.  The one person that would cut her to the bone.  She didn't even look up at first, she didn't notice anything was off at first for a long time for a little bit... until she heard an odd sound.

Crystal blue eyes filled with the fervor of a necessary job shifted to the Vulcan who was laying in the corner of the room.  He had slumped against the wall and was resting there.  But not peacefully, he was shaking and murmuring to himself slightly. 

Shock... nightmares... cold?

She was unsure.  Though she felt for him.  She didn't know what to do, she was not a medical officer, she had seen more counselors than she could count on one hand and they all had pretty much given up on her for various reasons.  She didn't give a shit.  It wasn't going to be easy to crack the internal workings of Blue Tiran.  If they couldn't give the time and effort then they could get bent.  Still, she wasn't heartless.  She couldn't fix Cross, she couldn't even make him a hand right now.  But, she could do something.  So she gathered up her supplies and sat down beside him on the ground so that he could use her warmth.  It was the only thing she could think of.  Her body was a battery, it ran with heat created by her circulation and blood.

He seemed to calm a bit, she hoped that was because of her body heat, though she didn't know if that was for sure or not.  Still, she worked.  Her hands moving to do the work.  Connecting the PADD and reprogramming it with Thea's information.  Nothing that couldn't have been achieved by checking the PADD earlier, just prepping it for the power load and the even flow from the battery packs that she had salvaged.  Finally, the battery was done and Blue's hands went limp.  She stared at it for a long moment. 

She had nothing to do now. 

All of a sudden, her head drooped and caught Cross' shoulder.  Her hair spilling around them in it's thick curls as she found the same spot she had used the previous night.  Her eyes fought to stay open but it was only a moment that they fought before they gave up the fight.  She couldn't lift her lids anymore.  She swore she felt Cross' head shift on top of hers.  Her mind tried to worry, her mind tried to remind her of the horrors, of the pain, of the hollow.  Her mind struggled to try but the exhaustion crept in. 

Blue Tiran fell asleep against Cross.  A screwdriver in her right hand, her left still holding the battery pack she had created for Thea.  Pieces of plastic casing and various unnecessary wires littered the floor of the office.  But the young Engineer didn't care, and didn't mind, and wasn't paying attention.  She slept against Cross both of them sagged against the wall supporting each other even in their sleep.  The warmth seeping through their suits allowing them to stay warm.

Re: CH04: S [D06|1030] A Moment’s Reprieve

Reply #6 – January 24, 2019, 02:15:47 AM

[ Lt. Cross | Office adjoining the Bridge Module | The Versant ] Attn: @BZ
[Show/Hide]

Cross was slow to return to the world of the waking. The Vulcan’s eyes felt heavy, and initially resisted the impulse to open. He wasn’t entirely sure where he was, but he was relatively comfortable with his back resting against a hard surface. And he was warm, almost cozy. Slowly, with his eyes still fighting his commands to open, he began to remember where he was.

The Savi ship. In the office off the bridge. With Blue.

He listened for a moment, trying to pick out the sounds of Blue’s tinkering as she worked with the components she had stashed in her bag. He heard nothing. He realized that the room seemed warmer than he remembered, and that he could feel a weight leaning against him. His head rested on something, though he didn’t remember laying his head on anything as he had drifted off. Cross’ eyes finally obeyed his command, opening a crack to investigate his surroundings. A brief glimpse told his exactly what was going on.

It had happened again…

The still form of Blue Tiran was fast asleep, leaning against him with her head resting on his shoulder, her black and blue hair spilling over his shoulder and down his arm and chest. Cross’ head had lolled to the side, his cheek resting against the soft curls on the crown of her head. He could hear the soft sounds of her breathing now that his mind was more focused, and could see her chest rise and fall with each sound as he rolled his eyes to the side and carefully glanced down at her. He could just make out the shape of her face through the curtain of dark curls that hung down over it, the strands of hair stirring with each breath she took.

She looked so peaceful…

Cross was loath to wake her. She had looked like hell as he had drifted off, and some solid sleep would do her a world of good. A part of him worried that she was making this a habit, using him as a pillow. The warmth was nice, though. Hardly the worst sleep he had ever had. He watched her a minute more, seeing the veil of hair blowing gently in the breeze of her breath and listening to the quiet sounds of her breathing. His cheek still rested on her head, having rolled to the side and come to rest there as she had moved or snuggled against him at some point during the nap. The more he considered the situation, the more the colour slowly rose in Cross’ face, transforming his usual pale skin tone into a brilliant green. Cross silently cursed himself, wondering what the hell was wrong with him. Here he was on an alien ship, having lost a hand, and he was sitting here blushing and worrying because there was a girl sleeping on him?

Cross, you idiot…

He raised his head slowly, careful not to disturb her with the movement. He could feel several strand of her hair clinging to his cheek, tickling the green-flushed skin. Now that his head was free, he could see more. Her head rested on his left shoulder. Her right arm, it’s hand still holding a screwdriver, linked through his shortened left arm. Her left hand rested in her lap, and held the power source she had been working on. His body leaned toward hers, resting against her. He must have shifted as he slept, shifting towards the warm presence beside him. The heat seared his cheeks as a new wave of blushing overtook him. What a sight they would have made on the Endeavour, the cold, gruff Vulcan and Code Blue, cuddled together for a nap. Cross doubted anyone aboard the ship would have known what to think.

Come to think of it, he didn’t know what to think. Cross was many things, but cuddly was generally not one of them. He certainly wasn’t used as a pillow on a regular basis. Now Blue had done so twice in the past 24 hours.

Cross was distracted form that particular train of thought when he felt a rising sensation in his nasal cavity as several strands of Blue’s hair tickled nose. The Vulcan scrunched his nose up, fighting the sneeze, and carefully raised his hand to brush her hair free form his face. His face clear of Blue’s dark hairs and the urge to sneeze subsiding, Cross looked down at the Engineer again. He reached out and gently brushed the hair out of her face, revealing her features. Her face, while still gaunt, was relaxed and looked peaceful, at ease. Her eyes were closed, her lips parted slightly, and...

Was she drooling a little?

The sight made him chuckle, his shoulders shaking slightly despite his fight to remain still. The movement caused a slight groan from the woman whose head rested on him, the motion having woken her.

Cross continued to fight the urge to laugh at Blue began to stir. "Uh... hi...." He murmured when he finally trusted himself to speak, a mixture of mirth and embarrassment audible in his tone.

Re: CH04: S [D06|1030] A Moment’s Reprieve

Reply #7 – January 26, 2019, 05:12:20 AM

[LCdr Blue Tiran | Power Naps | Rest for the Weary | Dreams Give Way to Reality | Life is Not a Fucking Dream]
@Fife

”What are you doing you stupid mother fucker!?  I told you to put the antimatter containment valve in the fucking chamber two fucking hours ago!”

The young ensign looked up, his eyes widened to the point that you could see the whites around the dark brown iris.  He swallowed heavily, adam's apple bobbing slightly as his throat worked around the sudden silence that had descended on the deck because Blue was in a mood.  The Chief Engineer was not pleased, she was standing there with all her shiny pips on her fucking uniform waiting for a really good fucking reason why this shit hadn't been done when she had fucking told the mother fuck to do it. 

“I just.. Lieutenant Caldwell asked if I could help him with the parts assembly for the new shuttle craft modifications.”  his voice was quiet, he wasn't an idiot. It didn't take a genius to figure out that he was walking on really thin ice at the moment.

One that was further thinned by the fact that her dark brow shot nearly into her hair line at the answer.  “Oh, I'm so fucking sorry, is the Lieutenant your new Chief  Engineer?  Was there a fucking memo about my demotion that I missed?” she asked tilting her head to the side.

“Uh.”  There was no right answer at this moment.  She didn't notice the fact that behind her one of the men that was used to working with her flipped a switch.  Every PADD had one, a Direct-to-Ducote switch that told him to get the fuck down there right the fuck now.  It had been lovingly dubbed  Blue Alert.

“That's what I fucking thought.  Get the fuck off my deck!  I do not want to see your mother fucking face until tomorrow when you report to your actual Chief for duty and remember who the fuck she is!  I didn't tell you to go help him, there are a fuck-ton of Engineers on this fucking deck that could have helped Caldwell.  Next time I tell you to fucking do something, you had fucking better get it the fuck done when I asked if you want to keep your fucking job!  I will find you in charge of waste dereplicating and recycling system so fucking fast, do you get me Ensign?!”

His face drained of all color.  The button was pressed about sixteen times.  Her mind was pissed, the spikes were likely something that Ducote could feel all the way.. in the ship where ever he was.  She was trying to keep calm but levels of sheer stupidity always pissed her the fuck off.  The Ensign looked a loss for words and she was glad that he wasn't going to sit there and try to give her a shit ton of excuses of why he shouldn't be relieved of duty today.  She held her hand out.

“Tools.   Now.  And maybe you need to memorize... since you have sooo much fucking free time today, the crew manifest of my fucking deck!” 

The Ensign rose up slowly as though he was in front of a wild animal and handed his tool pouch to her.  “Uh, are you serious?”

Blue let out a mirthful chuckle.  “You're new.  You get a pass.  Do I look like I'm fucking kidding?  Test tomorrow.  Learn your shit.  Now get off my deck.”

He looked around to the other Engineers for a moment but no one made a single move for him.  One of them, the button-pusher shook his head and nodded towards the turbolift.  Blue stood there looking at the project that was supposed to be done hours ago.  That fucking fucktard hadn't done shit.  Fucking help Caldwell.  Her fiery blue eyes shifted until she found the perpetrator.  Caldwell with his fucking blonde hair, those big fucking lips, and that huge ass head.  He was the guy that tried to be nice and appease her to her face and then talk shit about her behind her back.  Blue knew all the shit that was said about her, she didn't give a fuck what people thought, but she heard it none the less.  Suddenly, the man's eyes shifted over her shoulder and the deck visibly relaxed.  She whirled and nearly crashed into Ducote.  He put his hands on her shoulder. 

~Easy there, Trouble.~

She glared at him, and he just gave her that little smile of his as he pushed his hand against the small of her back taking her to her office.  “Get back to fucking work!” she cried out as she walked.  “Jensen, I want that fucking shit that Ensign Rodgers didn't finish done right the fuck now!”

“Got it!” Jensen called and rushed over. 

The door closed behind her and Ducote.  He reached into his pocket and pulled out a twinkie in it's wrapper.  Freshly replicated.  “When is the last time you ate, Blue?”

“I don't fucking know!  What time is it?” she said angrily as she tore open the package.

“You've been on shift for twelve hours and fifteen minutes now.” he said checking the chronometer.

“Breakfast.” she grumbled angrily as she pissily took half the twinkie in her mouth and chewed on the pure sugar listening to Ducote sigh softly.  Gripping the bridge of his nose for a moment, probably trying to gather his patience.  He didn't say anything as he went off to replicate her some food.  He went simple.  Something he knew Blue would eat, which meant shit food.  But moments later a pizza pocket materialized in front of him and he put it on her desk and pointed to the chair. 

“Eat.”  It was an order, not a suggestion.

“I'm no-”

“Eat.” he repeated. 

Pouting Blue walked over to her desk and threw herself into the chair causing it to scoot back slightly against the deck plating with her momentum.  She sighed and scooted up to the pizza pocket.  “I was perfectly fucking justified in being pissed off.” she said like a pouty child as she picked up the pizza pocket and took a bite chewing softly.  “This is going to ruin my dinner!” she said as though that was going to change anything.

“On the first hand, justified yes, but your reaction was a bit much.  You could have written him up and reprimanded him properly.  Secondly, you'll eat when you get home too.”

“That fucker didn't listen to a direct order!” she said around another bite but her body was relaxing and Ducote could feel her mind starting to soften up a little bit.

“True, and again, there is paperwork for that.”

“Paperwork is for top brass and assholes.” she grumbled.

“Hey!”

Blue grinned slightly, and relaxed more watching as Ducote's smile returned to his own face.  He leaned against the desk as she quietly ate her pizza pocket leaning down to brush a couple of curls behind her ear. 

“I almost made it a whole week this time, without a Blue Alert.” she said as she finished up and sucked the grease from her fingers before rubbing the rest on the pants of her uniform.

“New record.” he grinned.

There was a touch.

In the back of her mind she could feel something touch her but the young Engineer was far too tired to give a shit.  If she went out now, in her sleep, at least it would be peaceful and she would get to see Ranaan that much sooner.  She wanted him, missed him, needed him.  She wanted to breathe him in, she wanted to know what it felt like to be in his arms again.  To hear his mental voice over and over again, she never wanted someone to call her Trouble so badly.  But it wasn't just the term it was the endearment behind it.  It was the way that the single word could make her heart thump heavily and that there was so much emotion in a single word that was usually meant to mean something negative.  For her, it had become the word that had been the most precious in her life.  It was a secret, no one knew, it was her and Ducote and their secret.

As a non-telepath she had no idea how he could speak to her like that, but she loved it.  She loved the way he could be there in a way that no one else could be.  She loved his mental voice, and how emotional it could be when he wanted it to be.  That one word could say so much.  They weren't the sort of couple that needed to constantly say that they loved one another.  She could probably count them on both if not one hand how many times they had confessed to one another.  He said it in that word; in Trouble.  And her, she told him in her emotions, in her blind trust of him.

They were well matched.

Then something was moving.  Her pillow, or whatever her head was resting on was shaking, vibrating? Slightly and it was what began to pull her from her sleep.  Her brows furrowed as the shaking continued for just long enough for her mind to boot kick her ass out of sleep and back to the hell of being awake and fully so.  Her neck was sore from the angle of sleeping against the shoulder that her head had ended up on.  Pulling up her head those crystalline blue eyes opened for a moment.  This was a moment that Cross would have to remember.  That moment when her eyes were open, for those brief seconds before all the shields and all the anger and all the barriers that she used to keep people away fully booted up.  Swallowing slightly she blinked and then there they were.  The eyes were hard, cold, and ready for a mother fucking battle.  Dare a fucker to say anything, kind of day.  The Blue Tiran that everyone knew about.  She refused to cry, and she bit into the inside of her cheek to make sure that the memories that resurfaced from the dreams of Ranaan wouldn't work.  She could see that he had some sort of smile on his face, a bit of a blush, and was chuckling at something. 

“Are you fucking high again?” she asked as she yawned and felt something against the corner of her mouth.  Reaching up she brushed against the odd feeling and came away with a crust of drool that was intermixed with some wet.  She grimaced and wiped the shit on her pants and then looked up realizing that Cross must have seen.  She blushed a bright color, as pale as her skin was, her blush was always bright but it was something that only Ducote usually saw from her.  She swallowed and cleared her throat.

“No one needs to know about this whole fucking situation, right?  We're agreed, I'm sure of it.” she said as she threw her long Engineer's fingers through her curls and brushed the mass of them out of her face.  Her scalp was itchy, her hair was greasy, and she wanted a fucking shower... to sleep for a decade... she didn't even know.  Bathe in twinkies?  Was that a thing? 

It needed to be a thing.

“How is the.. uh, arm?” she asked curiously as she nodded to his missing hand.  “When.. when we get off this mother fucking ship of doom.. I'm going to make you a fucking hand.  People will be jealous of it because I fucking made it and it'll be the best prosthetic in the universe.” she said.  Blue's work was fairly well known at least on the Endeavour.  She was always making adjustments and fixing shit.  Finding ways to make them better, she had created fucking Albert and he was a feat of itself.  Though the Savi had made him even more so she had built him from the ground up to do a job that she needed filled and he had always been by her side.  She was glad he was back even though he was really fucking annoying and didn't know when to keep his beak shut.

“you know.” she said softly as she stayed beside him, not moving from her position just now her head was no longer on his shoulder.  “When you said .. that you were cold and bitter?” she said looking over at him.  She was still exhausted, they hadn't slept long but.. but it was better than nothing.  “I think you're like me.” she admitted looking down at the power pack in her hand.  “You have to.. protect yourself.  If you push them away you can't get hurt.” she gave a shrug.. hoping she hadn't just thrown herself out there for no reason.

Re: CH04: S [D06|1030] A Moment’s Reprieve

Reply #8 – January 26, 2019, 07:17:15 PM

[ Lt. Cross | Office adjoining the Bridge Module | The Versant ] Attn: @BZ
[Show/Hide]

Cross had seen something when Blue had opened her eyes. Or rather, the lack of something. Her walls hadn’t been up, her armour still not yet donned. It had only lasted a moment, just until she blinked, then the defenses had returned. But for that brief moment, Cross had seen a Blue Tiran that he suspected few had ever seen. The Blue behind the harsh words and Code Blues.

”Are you fucking high again?” And there was the cursing, the familiar Blue. The question, punctuated by a yawn, made Cross chuckle all the more. He watched, bemused, as she reached up and wiped the drool from her face. She blushed furiously as she glanced back up at him, having finally realized what he was laughing at. ”No one needs to know about this whole fucking situation, right? We’re agreed, I’m sure of it.”

Cross smiled as she asked the question, giving her a somewhat incredulous sideways glance. ”No, no one needs to know,” he agreed, still without having moved from where he sat, his side touching Blue’s. He found her proximity comforting, the sensation itself a new experience for someone who generally avoided physical contact with people. He turned his head to look down at her, the mischief in his eyes seeming a betrayal amid his Vulcan features. ”Besides, even if we had people to tell, what would we tell them? That we, despite the fact that we’re both closed off and volatile individuals, have discovered a fondness for naps and cuddling? Not <fucking> likely!” Cross chuckled then, not even realizing he had sworn in Cardassian, or that it may sound strange to Blue without the UT. Cross returned his gaze to the engineer’s face, to her clear, crystalline eyes with their defenses up. ”And no, I don’t think I’m high any more. The drugs seem to be wearing off, or at least that part of their effects are.”

She asked him how his arm was, hesitating while asking the question. She accompanied the query with a nod towards the severed appendage. Cross raised the arm up in front of them, studying the damage. He’d mangled the thing when he had burned it in an attempt to cauterize it and stop himself bleeding out. If they did make it out of this, he was sure the medical officer assigned to him would have a few things to say about battlefield wound care. Cross was also sure that he would tell the person to go fuck themselves. ”The arm is alright. It hurts, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.” He looked over at her as she spoke, talking about making him a new hand. A small smile crept across his features as he listened to her. He had no doubt that she meant it. ”You don’t need to do that, Blue,” he said softly, his unblinking eyes staring into hers for the moment. If she was looking closely, she might see the translucent third eyelids sweep across his eyes. ”You don’t owe me anything. I’m just…” Cross hesitated, feeling awkward as he spoke his thoughts aloud, ”I’m…” Cross once again cursed himself and his awkwardness when speaking, ”I’m glad I could help keep you safe.” The Vulcan flushed a vibrant shade of green as he spoke the words, the admission leaving him feeling awkward and exposed.

What she said next caught him completely off guard. She spoke softly, her body still touching his where they sat. She mentioned what he had said earlier about people calling him cold and bitter, her gaze meeting his as she spoke. She said she thought he was like her, that he had to protect himself. To push people away so that they couldn’t hurt him. She shrugged as she finished, as though she was uncertain about the truth of what she had just said. The truth was that she had been spot on. Cross cleared his throat and dropped his gaze, staring at his hands, or rather hand, in his lap. He studied the torn stump for a moment before raising his gaze to look at her. She was staring into her own lap, at the power pack she held.

”You’re more right than you know…” Cross finally admitted, dropping his gaze and watching her fiddle with the power pack. He remained silent for a moment before he spoke again. ”I have… a lot in my past that people don’t understand.” Cross sighed, wondering if he should be opening up to the Human woman sitting next to him. He knew Blue wasn’t the sort of person to open up to people, yet he had seen her vulnerability several times since they had been aboard this damned ship. Even her statement of “I think you’re like me,” was, in it’s own way, exposing a vulnerability, something not often seen.

Cross found that he trusted Blue. He felt that he wanted to open up to her… to reply to that moment of vulnerability with one of his own.

”Even after I was rehabilitated on Earth, I was hardly well adjusted. I was a half-Bajoran who drank kanar and spoke only Cardassian,” Cross stole a glance at Blue’s face out of the corner of his eye, ”as I’m sure you can imagine, I was hardly viewed in a positive light.” A sad smile spread over Cross’ features as snippets of memories flashed through his mind. After a moment, he continued. ”I was hardly open or trusting before I went to the <fucking> Academy. Far from it. But I think each encounter at the Academy added another brick to the wall I’d built to keep people out.” Cross turned his head and looked at Blue then, adding, ”I suppose the fact that I couldn’t control my anger and was prone to violent outbursts probably didn’t help…” Cross turned his head back to his lap, staring at the charred stump of his left arm. ”Though the truth is… I’d become closed off, cold and bitter long before I’d ever heard of Starfleet or the Federation.”

As he finished speaking, Cross found he felt naked and exposed, and yet also somewhat relieved. He had never opened up quite like this before. He had talked with others about his past to some degree, his now deceased friend Kai for one, though never with this much honesty. Even the various counsellors he had been assigned had struggled in their attempts to get him to fully open up. The barriers had always remained.

Now that Cross had fallen silent he sat, still staring at his mangled arm, wondering if he had said too much. It was one thing to feel comfortable around someone, to trust them. It was quite another for Cross to actually speak about himself in that way. It was not something he was accustomed to, and a part of him worried that he had made a mistake in doing so. It was too late to take any of it back… he would just have to wait and see what became of it.

Re: CH04: S [D06|1030] A Moment’s Reprieve

Reply #9 – January 30, 2019, 05:20:37 PM

[LCdr Blue Tiran | How Did We Come Here | Oddest Friendship in Odd Circumstances | Common Grounds | Bitter & Bitchy, The New Flavor]
@Fife

He looked over at her.  His smooth forehead was different, and it was odd to see it.  Not that they had been close before.  She should have been mad at him, he was half the equation that forced her into this fucking mess.  Shar … Shar would get hers when Blue had enough mind space to entertain all the ways she intended to torture the fucking blue skinned woman.  But Cross, was different.  Perhaps it was the bond of him helping her after she was completely destroyed.  Or the fact that he seemed fully willing to let her use him as a pillow in certain circumstances.  Maybe it was just the fact that the both of them had figured each other out and saw the sides of each other they hid very well from others.  It takes one to know one, was suddenly a phrase bouncing around in her mind as the two looked at one another.  Cross still had an odd smile on his face.  There was something about seeing it, because, it was so often not there, that made it odd.  She vaguely wondered if he got face cramps from the lack of muscle strength. 

She didn't ask.

He told her they wouldn't be telling anyone, and she grinned, as he went on talking about how the Bitch and the Bitter One had found that they bonded over cuddling.  She could only  imagine the faces around when someone was told that.  She laughed, a full on hard laugh, eyes lighting up for a moment and her face contorting around the entertainment that Cross... provided for her.  She shook her head.  “No fucking way, they wouldn't understand anyway, they'd probably both check us into Starfleet Nut House.”

He had said a word, she didn't understand, and with no Universal Translator she had no way of knowing.  However, it had sounded like a curse word so she would take it as such.  Only because of the emphasis put on the word and no other reason.  Blue brushed her curls out of her face, feeling the heavy tangles and the dirt, grime, and grease that had accumulated in them.  The were heavy with it now and her hair was actually laying rather calm considering the bouncing curls she normally sported.  There had been one time, and one time only, she had straightened her hair out.  The length had fallen all the way to her hips and Ducote hadn't even recognized her for half a second.  That and the medals on her chest.  It had been one of the ceremonies that they had attended as part of the Endeavour Crew.

He told her she didn't need to make him a hand, and she smirked slightly, her hand dropping from her curls back to her lap.  “I don't think I owe you.  It's not that.  I just... you fucking saved my life back there.  But also, I like making shit.  It'll give me something to do after all this shit is over and honestly...I ne...” she pursed her lips and clenched her hand which registered pain from the scabs of the a little while ago moving.  “..need something else to think about.”

He would understand. 

Only he knew.

Only he had seen the depths of her grief.  He might not be able to relate but he understood how it was.  She swallowed the lump that had grown quickly in her throat and cleared it quickly.  Looking up and around at the small office.  It was so quiet in here.  She could hear vague sounds from down below but she had paid no attention to any of it.  She was exhausted, the kind of bone deep exhaustion, that wouldn't be bounced back from so easily.  Time could heal most wounds, but there were some that left massive festering scars.  She knew that the loss of  Ducote would become one such scar and Blue Tiran was not sure she was strong enough to endear without him.  Right now, she was busy, and barely holding herself together.  Each breath brought her closer to the edge that would send her into madness and grief. 

Work.  You have work to do Blue.

Cross mentioned that she was right, and she smirked.  She had figured, there was something of herself she saw in him.  Someone that had been burned and hurt in a way that you could just not come back from.  There were things you couldn't just get over, get passed, and she knew that every counselor she had ever sat down with saw her only as  a puzzle that you couldn't solve.  One of those 1000 piece solely white puzzles.  No lines, no shades, nothing.  Everyone else had failed at the fucking shit, and this counselor, Insert name here, would be the one that found the key to unlocking Blue Tiran.  None yet, had succeeded.  She doubted any ever would.  So it had been easy for her to see the signs in Cross.  To see the pain he hid and how he pushed people away the same way she did.

He began to speak about himself, and Blue listened.  Resting her head against the wall behind her turning it slightly so she could see him just out of the corner of her eyes.  She knew how it felt, talking about your deepest self when you were being watched.  It made you nervous, fearful, and anxious.  Blue had been like that when she had told Ranaan.  The only person as of yet that knew and understood her past to a small degree.  He understood her parents were shit and forgot she existed, that coupled with the pain of losing her big brother and best friend, had been too much for a nine year old girl to handle.  She had coped the only way that she could, and while it was hard for people to understand she didn't give a shit.  No one needed to understand.  If they just got to know her, and realized that she was more than curse words and anger... that she was smart, deep, and kind.  He was right, speaking Cardassian and enjoying their liquor would stand him apart.  Then there was the fact that he wasn't open when he went to the Academy and Blue chuckled.  “Yeah, same.” she admitted softly as he went on.

As he finished, the silence between them fell while Blue gathered up her thoughts.  Trying to think, about what to say.  She didn't know Cross' history and she wasn't going to pry.  She hated it when people poked at things she didn't want to talk about.  When she was ready, she would tell them, like she had Ranaan.  Though for some reason, maybe the empathy, she had told him early on.  Things, secrets, the story behind herself so quickly. 

“We do things to protect ourselves.  From pain, from rebuke, from fuckers out there that think we need to get over shit.” she said her voice a bit heavy, the subject they were speaking about was hard for her.  Being open like this was not something that happened.  Fuck I must be dead or exhausted.  “I was normal once.  When I was a kid.  Or what people consider normal, for me.  I was odd even then, taking shit apart, fixing it, redesigning it.  I did all kinds of shit as a kid.”

She didn't want to get into all of it, there was no time to properly discuss all their emotions and pasts.  Maybe later.  Maybe when they were saved.  Maybe when things could go back to normal.  “When everyone I knew abandoned me.  I had to find ways to go on.  To survive, and the only fucking way to do that was to never, ever, let anyone close again.  Sometimes though, you'll find that one fucking person in the universe... or something forces you to meet that one fucking person in the universe that .. settles your soul.  In a way that.. doesn't fix the past, but soothes the ache and creates .. life again in you.  You realize you were only surviving and not living and... I hope that happens for you Cross.  I really do.”

She reached up with her injured but strong hand and gave his shoulder a slight squeeze.  “If nothing else, you've a friend here, if you want one.”  she made eye contact with him.  “You know what I'm like, you know conversations like this are going to be really fucking rare but.. still.  The offer stands.” she gave a bit of a smile and sighed.

“We should.. head back down there, yeah?” she said slowly working her body back upright and gathering her shit.

Re: CH04: S [D06|1030] A Moment’s Reprieve

Reply #10 – January 31, 2019, 07:09:14 PM

[ Lt. Cross | Office adjoining the Bridge Module | The Versant ] Attn: @BZ
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Cross listened in silence as Blue spoke briefly about herself as a child, telling of how she used to take things apart and fix them. The thought brought a slight smile to Cross’ lips for a moment as he imagined what such a childhood must have been like. The ghost of a smile quickly evaporated when Blue mentioned being abandoned by everyone she knew. He had never been abandoned, had never had anyone to abandon him, but he knew all too well what loneliness was. He shifted his weight slightly, pressing his shoulder against her just a little more firmly as she continued to speak, as though to let he know she was not alone now. It was a small gesture, but it was all he could give.

She went on to describe how you sometimes found the one person who would settle your soul, who makes you whole. Someone who can take away the pain, and Cross knew that she was talking about Commander Ducote, and that the loss of her person must be weighing heavily on her as she spoke the words. He wanted to say something, anything that might help her even a tiny bit, to alleviate that pain of that loss even a fraction, but knew that there was nothing to be done. He was surprised when she went on to say that she hoped that the same would happen for him. He stared at her for a long moment, watching as she reached up and placed her hand on his shoulder, giving it a squeeze. His chest felt tight, as though his heart had seized for a moment. His eyes stung slightly, and he blinked several times to dispel the feeling. It was quite possibly the kindest thing anyone had ever said to him, and Cross found himself speechless. He took a deep breath in through his nose, trying to force down the swelling of emotion he felt at her words. He silently cursed the stronger emotional reactions he’d been experiencing since his correction at the hands of the Savi, knowing that he would never be fighting back such a reaction before they had come to the Versant. Not that he had a lot of experiences like this one to compare the reaction to…

”If nothing else, you’ve a friend here, if you want one.” She said, her clear, crystalline eyes finally meeting his. She said more, though Cross only partially registered the word, stunned and struggling as he was. Slowly, Cross raised his own hand and placed it atop Blue’s, making sure this time to use the existing hand and not the stump. He felt her hand beneath his, the slight warmth calming him and letting the welling of emotions he had been experiencing begin to subside.

”I…” Cross began, struggling to come up with words to express himself. ”I’d like that.” Cross couldn’t help giving her a half-grin as he finally got himself back under control, adding, ”I think having this sort of conversation is a rarity for both of us, Blue, but…” his cheeks coloured then as he continued, ”I’m glad we did.”

She suggested they head back down to rejoin the others. Cross nodded, knowing they had been closed off in the office for quite some time, and let his hand fall away from his shoulder as she removed her own and got to her feet. The Vulcan followed suit, albeit with slightly more difficulty as he avoided putting his stump down, and strode to the entrance to the office. He stopped at the door, waiting for her to finish gathering her things. He watched her as she stuffed each item back into her bag, a part of him wondering how two such closed off and distant individuals had forged such a bond. However it had come about, he was glad they had. He didn’t admit it out loud, but he had needed her as much as she had needed him.

As Blue moved to join him, Cross nodded to her and gave her a sarcastic smile. ”Don’t forget to turn your pigeon back on,” he reminded her with a soft chuckle, ”and Blue…”

Cross reached out and gently touched her arm with his hand, his pale eyes holding a hint of mischief as they met hers, ”If shit hits the fan, try and keep your head down. Between you breaking my nose when we dragged you off the Endeavour, and losing a hand protecting you form the Savi, I don’t think I can survive saving your ass again...” The Vulcan gave her a wink as he turned and led the way out of the office to rejoin the others, unable to supress a chuckle as he felt the sharp sting of Blue's hand forcefully slapping his shoulder as he stepped out into the bridge module.

-FIN