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CH02: S [D02|1129] Justice bends the Arrow at your Heart

[ Lt. Foster | Counseling Department Offices| Deck 08 | Vector 01 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Juzzie
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It hadn’t even been a day since the spearhead lounge bombing, and the tremendous fallout that had followed. A shockwave reverberating through the ship, that transcended the initial trembling, delayed by the speed of mouth to mouth propaganda, as news traveled to the farthest reaches of its bowels. A shift in the general demeanor of the congregated spirits abord the vessel. Like a sea of candles, flickering and cowering, as a gust of wind wreaked havok across them. Some even going out, in the process. Stellan could sense that a lot of souls had gone dark, in the aftermath, and while he could not pinpoint the distinct individuals in this sea of people – that he was only slowly getting used to filtering out again – he was hoping they would find a way to the counselling offices by their own volition. Or at least by reference.

He had been taken aside by Commander Hathev the night before, when the departments had called in after the incident, to convey the captain’s orders and the departmental strategies onward … the crisis management procedures, if you want. During that conversation, it had transpired that Lieutenant Ejek had been a victim of the bombing, and that he was apparently in line to accede to the Assistant Chief Counselor position, despite his rather recent return to duty. Oh well, he hadn’t known the Cardassian woman, so any emotional sentiment towards her was nothing more than manners dictated in the sense of sympathy and grief. It had been a rather turbulent few days, for sure. But if he wasn’t going to be able to hold it together, then who would.

So, as the crisis management required, Stellan was holding open-office hours on the day after the events. Giving people the opportunity to seek him out without having to go through the process of making an appointment in advance and then potentially waiting a week or two. With trauma, just as with a fire, it was an issue of timing. You could quench the smallest of embers quickly, if you addressed it soon enough, just like you could a psychological disorder. Something that became infinitely harder once it festered and burrowed into the subconscious, becoming a part of the very essence of a being. And as much as he enjoyed untangling such intricated webs of infestation of the mind, it was commonly deemed inhuman, to let a person suffer deliberately, until it came to such severity. So, he conceded.

Ironically, one of his very own had put in a request to see him that day: Lieutenant Williams – or Rhys, as he was more affectionately called around the department - himself. A fellow counselor, struggling with his own demons, seemingly less successfully repressive as Stellan himself. No judgment there. Taking the time to actually deal with it, on top of seeking help, was probably the more healthy and sane approach. Maybe through addressing some of the other man’s troubles, he could deal with some of his own in one session. It was all about efficency, really, on a day after the entire ship was bombed into trauma. Yet they hadn’t had too much contact outside of that either. Rhys being a considerable new addition to the crew and Stellan having been in stasis for the better part of the journey, until only just recently. But they were on amicable enough terms to warrant a certain sense of personal involvement in the matter.

Leaning back in his swiveling office chair, the most comfortable thing he could imagine in terms of desk-ware on a starship, the man casually rested his feet on the tabletop, legs crossed at the ankles. A PADD fixed to his hand, extended above his midst, tapping the screen occasionally with an input pen, to make some notes to a patient’s file. A young ensign, exhibiting increased sexual activity, explained away with her alien heritage, which did not quite validate the entirety of it. An intriguing subject indeed. But he wasn’t going to follow that ‘passion project’ any further today, as the door-chime rang. His attention instantly sprung to the familiar mind behind the bulkhead, feeling the wisp of pain and mixed emotions, emanating through the telepathic ether. “Come in.” he instructed, pulling his feet down from the desk not quite soon enough, before the doors slid open.

Let’s figure this mess out, he thought to himself, displaying a thin-lipped smile that could easily be construed as pleasant and warm, on the outside.

"How does it feel?" he inquired with a gentle chipper to his baritone voice. " “Walking into an office and there’s already a counselor there …”

Re: CH02: S [D02|1129] Justice bends the Arrow at your Heart

Reply #1 –
[Lt. Rhys Williams| Counselling Department Offices| Deck 08 | Vector 01 | USS Theurgy ] attn: @stardust

Rhys did not know Lt. Stellan Foster. Not very well anyway. He had not been a member of the crew long and when Rhys had first joined Foster had still been in cryo as far as Rhys was aware. For the limited amount of time they had been active together on the Theurgy, they had not really graduated beyond nodding acquaintances.

Stellan predecessor as the other assistant chief counsellor had never been Rhys’ biggest fan and he was never fond of her in return. However, he had certainly never wanted the Cardassian to die. In fairness many of her views had been right and perhaps that was why he had struggled to get along with her.

He had known that self-care was key. That looking after his fellow crew required him to look after himself. That was always the hardest thing to do as the one person on the whole crew that he hated most was himself. Then there had been one his patients murdering someone. It had all come crashing down and Commander had had no choice but to relive him of duty, until he agreed to seek counselling.

As he was allowed to enter Foster’s office, there was a slight hint of disapproval that Stellan clearly had his feet up on the desk. However, that quickly retreated into the background. He felt awful for having thought that even for a moment, this guy had held it together. Rhys had not been able to.

Stellan asked how it felt to be receiving counselling as a counsellor. In truth Rhys felt like a fraud. There had been a bombing there were people who deserved this treatment. He should have held it together and been doing his job. Instead he had been a liability as always. He was tempted to lie and say this was fine, but Stellan was not stupid. “This feels wrong on every level.” He said taking a seat opposite Stellan and let out a shaky sigh and ran his fingers through his hair. “It feels like I have failed to the worst possible degree.”

Re: CH02: S [D02|1129] Justice bends the Arrow at your Heart

Reply #2 –
[ Lt. Foster | Counseling Department Offices| Deck 08 | Vector 01 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Juzzie
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The instant ping of disapproval hit Stellan like a spiritual brick, as it shot into the forefront of his telepathic appraisal, of the man that just sauntered into his office. But it did not strike him as offensive, but rather amusing. Most of the mental proclivities of people amused him, when he abstracted them into urges, delusions and motivations. Which was likely the healthiest approach to the job he could think of; least the best he knew. Rhys was the best example of how the shadow could consume you, if got to close. He had seen it many times, it was always sad to watch. Sad in terms of good counselors, therapists and psychiatrists, becoming their own subjects, rather than the cure.

In many instances, Stellan even found that his telepathy negated many of the questions he asked, but he understood the necessity of coaxing that revelation forth from someone’s subconscious. Even if he could read the disdain clearly, it didn’t always mean that so could his patients themselves. Healing was a lot about addressing the problem within one’s self. Accepting and overcoming the trauma, being big parts too. So, in a way, Rhys’ replies were even more revealing than his thoughts.

The dark-haired counselor nodded slowly, at the first statement, not letting his obsidian eyes trail just for a second. The fact that words matched emotions and conscious intent, were a start. So at the very least he was not victim to any malicious delusions, but rather a skewed sample of subjective impressions. He also appreciated the honesty. Even more so in the wake of a subtle, yet redacted, shift towards deception, he’d picked up on. Sure, many considered it unfair for Stellan to nonchalantly probe everyone’s minds. First and foremost, his sister, whom he had used to hone the very skill.

“There is a reason they say: Doctors are the worst patients.” he replied gently, a trustful smile on his thin lips, lined by scarce scruff, accumulating on his upper lip and chin. “What exactly do you reckon you failed at?” he subsequently inquired, already knowing the answer. Already having prepared a counter argument. Psychology was seldom a science of surprise, not really. As much as people considered their counterparts to be unpredictable at times, they really weren’t. Admittedly, it was sometimes hard to predict an outcome, not knowing all the facts, like upbringing, childhood impressions, stress levels, personal attachments … but once you had a wider picture, every action was merely a reaction, in essence, guided by one, or more, of these factors.

Re: CH02: S [D02|1129] Justice bends the Arrow at your Heart

Reply #3 –
[Lt. Rhys Williams| Counselling Department Offices| Deck 08 | Vector 01 | USS Theurgy ] attn: @stardust

When Stellan talked about doctors being the worst patients, Rhys had to agree certainly when it came to himself. He was tense already and fighting the urge to just walk out. He didn’t really want to talk about his problems. Which was the root in some way of many of his problems. His problems had never been an easy thing for him to define. He knew that the diagnoses of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and OCPD (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder) would be on his profile somewhere along with other issues. After all this was not the first time he had ‘cracked up’.

The first time he had suffered a nervous breakdown, had been as a young Ensign in the Operations department of the USS Mercia. Already not the most mentally well Starfleet officer, the destruction of the ship had led to a complete collapse. He had been treated back on earth and had been so enamoured with the help he received that he wanted to do the same for others. He had returned to the Academy and studied Counselling.

He had served on the Cayuga for the next three years and had got quite good at throwing up a wall. He had his coping strategies down for those delusions that swam into his mind every now and then. Then of course disaster had struck that ship in the worst way. He had in some deluded way believed himself partially responsible even though that was not possible, and he had ended up back at square one. Gradually the mask of normalcy had crumbled. It finally shattered with the murder of Theurgy’s Ex O by one of his own patients. His confidence had completely shattered, and the delusions had been intense. He knew they weren’t real, that he wasn’t somehow causing misfortune and disaster all around him… but they FELT real. More real than the deck beneath his feet.

He laughed a mirthless laugh at Foster asking what he had failed at. “My job, my duty of care the members of this crew.” His fingers writhed over none another in a clear sign of discomfort. “One of my patients killed someone.” Had there been something there in that poor lost guy that Rhys had missed? The part of him that really hated himself wondered allowed if Rhys had caused it to happen. IT wasn’t possible. Rhys knew logically that Brett Hansen had taken it upon himself to commit the crime. However, the feeling that he had in someway directly caused it felt more real than the thing he knew was the truth.

Re: CH02: S [D02|1129] Justice bends the Arrow at your Heart

Reply #4 –
[ Lt. Foster | Counseling Department Offices| Deck 08 | Vector 01 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Juzzie
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Rhys‘ list of accomplishments was as long as those of his ailments. Which was all one person could only hope for, in Stellan’s eyes. For their demons and angels to hold balance, among the scales that defined a character. For there was one thing, in a person’s life, they had entire control over. It was not their body, which could fail, their wit or charisma, which could fall on deaf ears. No, it was one’s conviction, that touched the very essence of a soul. The intent, and purpose, with which someone burdened themselves with, deliberately, in a reality that could be navigated in sheer ignorance and bliss, all the same. It spoke highly of the Lieutenant, his journey into his profession, the sacrificial routine with which he had treated patients in the past … leading to his ultimate fracture, even. How poetic a hero he was, in tales unsung. No statues erected in his honors, no tall tales passed down over generations, for the apparitions he’d slain. No, those would be the champions that no one would praise, for they did not desire it.

Then there were the inevitable pitfalls, that came with being a hero, in a world more flawed and twisted, than any ancient tale could be. When developing a different set of standards for oneself, way beyond the judgment passed on others, setting oneself up for failure. And the man’s past was marked with holding court over his own shortcomings more relentlessly and more biased, than he ever would for someone else. A selfless act indeed.

Placing his PADD down delicately atop the desk, nary making a sound, Stellan folded his digits into a basket, leaning forward atop the triangle of forearms, perched upon his elbows, at the very precipice of the tabletop. “The first rule, of any healing professional, is to take care of oneself. You cannot mend a wound with hands broken yourself. As you cannot mend a broken mind, while not allowing your own to heal first.” he stated calmly, dark brows rising beyond the rims of his glasses, dipping a pale forehead into layers of gentle pleads. “At the same time, not every wound can be healed, not every mind fixed. That’s the sad truth we all operate under. But it shall not diminish our effort, as it shall not dimmish our conviction.”

Feeling as if the educational portion, the groundwork of his therapeutic approach, was quickly coming to a theatrical end, the counselor let his torso slide back against the gently relenting support of his chair. “You need to accept that, even as a trained physician, you cannot mend everyone … least of all yourself. That is the most difficult task of all. We all carry burdens of the past, and the trick is not to try and cast out the shadows, but to accept them as the offshoot of light. All that has happened, is a part of you now … so, where do we go from here? What is it truly, that most agitates you about your own condition? Think in subjective terms, do not take the outside world or how you’ll affect it into consideration.”

Concluding with a nod towards the handsome man, coaxing forth a genuine reflection, Stellan folded his hands into a pyramid, teetering on elbows atop the armrests of his chair.

Re: CH02: S [D02|1129] Justice bends the Arrow at your Heart

Reply #5 –
[Lt. Rhys Williams| Counselling Department Offices| Deck 08 | Vector 01 | USS Theurgy ] attn: @stardust

Stellan was right of course, the first rule about being a professional in any kind of profession where you were helping care for others was self-care. He had learned that both at the academy under his instructor. The first Chief Counsellor aboard the Cayuga Vamte Nayr, the kindly Bajoran from whom he had learned a great deal, had always made it clear how important that was. 

In truth though, Rhys found himself easily able to understand others but not himself on any level. There was too much emotion tied to his feelings about himself to think about his own mental state in any logical way. Of course, he had lost the sense of that when his patient had killed someone.

What Stellan asked of him next was truly difficult for Rhys to answer. After all the route of the delusions was that he was negatively affecting the world around him. It was what led to obsessive behaviour. He had diagnosed it in others and seen the rituals they created to stave off the issue. Some constantly counted batches of numbers, some cleaned things, some locked and unlocked doors, it could be nearly anything.

Stellan seemed in no rush, so Rhys sighed and ran his fingers through his hair and thought. How had it affected him? He remembered the recurrent feeling of anxiousness like a cold feel around his heart, ragged breathing, the self-hatred the little voice that came at moments of emotional stress. It was now a question of vocalising these ideas. “Well at its worst if feel anxious, hyperaware of myself and things that I am doing and thinking.” He started to feel a little cold sweat forming under his uniform. His voice was slightly off as if he was very aware of how he was sounding and was trying to keep any obvious shake out of his voice.

“I’ve struggled to form attachments with people, and well…I feel like an imposter.” He looked at Stellan to see if his meaning was clear. “Like I don’t deserve my rank or position. It was even worse when I was Chief Counsellor of the Cayuga.” He remembered the feeling of relief when he realised he was going to be assistant counsellor on the Theurgy when he had joined the crew.

Re: CH02: S [D02|1129] Justice bends the Arrow at your Heart

Reply #6 –
[ Lt. Foster | Counseling Department Offices| Deck 08 | Vector 01 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Juzzie
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In a rather telling turn of events Stellan sensed that Rhys was growing agitated by the mere fact that the situation his counselor created was being so calm, so slow in demanding results. He got the idea that blonde man was more set on immediate results than the long-con, which was quite at odds with what a therapist would be taught. He witnessed the man’s quarrels with finding answers to the questions, his self-analytical pitfalls and judgments, that cast unfair comparisons to himself by what he had diagnosed in others or felt like having contributed to.

His words soon turned a telepathic sentiment into a vocally expressed one and Stellan had to give credit where credit was due. In that the words described the feelings he sensed rather astutely. But even if they hadn’t, he’d still been able to sift the truth from the inner turmoil, as was his advantage in being a partially Betazoid therapist. Nodding slowly, however, he also understood that such sentiments were not mutually shared, and that Rhys still needed outward reassurances over what the man opposite him thought about the answer given.

“It is within the nature of knowledge, that, as it does open up myriads of ways to evolve yourself, it also creates countless ways to judge yourself by, at the same time.” he replied, gently shuffling in his seat, balancing the PADD on top of crossed legs. Picking up the pen into an idle grip as it threatened to roll off the tablet’s precipice, much like Rhys was about to. The precipice of sanity, in his case.

“Well, let’s tackle this issue from the side of reality inward … you do understand there is a merit system in place, attached to rank. That comprises of considerations like duty, commitment, skill and success. So, the pips on your collar represent a real, objective judgment on your achievements in these regards, maybe that is something to ground yourself in, when pondering such judgments.” he started out, narrowing his eyes slightly, as black orbs gazed upon the man with relentless intent. Nodding ever so slightly at the teal tunic wrapping around his collar. “Secondly, not everyone is meant to lead, as harsh as that sounds. There is a certain level of emotional abstraction necessary for that kind of a job … and I have always believed that those people who do not possess such a psychological mechanism are actually the better adjusted human beings in clinical terms.”

Basically, everyone he had ever met who had joined Starfleet with the explicit goal to become a department head, XO, Captain or even some sort of Admiral, was borderline sociopathic. Or suffering from other, equally pressing delusions. “How did that make you feel then? To have less responsibility, after coming to Theurgy?” Tapping the stylus pen against the PADD, waking it from a dimmed slumber, a fresh wave of luminescent silver, cast over the man’s chiseled features, as he chotted down some notes. All the while listening to Rhys’ self-assessments and the way he addressed the questions asked. Mind constantly trained on the things that remained unspoken, for they yielded far more insight than any honest statement ever could.

“Also, can you be more specific about attachments … which kind of attachments are we talking about specifically?” he inquired, letting the pen rest idly in between his skilled fingers for a moment, obsidian ponds sparkling inquisitively at Rhys once more. “Has your sex-live been affected by it as much, or do you feel like it’s more of an emotional attachment, that seems to come by harder, for you.” As forward as the question was, it called from a far more personal inquiry that the counselor hoped to gleam from the man merely thinking about the query posed, and the ramifications he’d not be willing to talk about so openly. Sometimes it was just enough to get someone to think about what you wanted to know. Especially for Stellan. "How much sexual activity did you have within, let's say, the last month? Solitary release included."

Re: CH02: S [D02|1129] Justice bends the Arrow at your Heart

Reply #7 –
[Lt. Rhys Williams| Counselling Department Offices| Deck 08 | Vector 01 | USS Theurgy ] attn: @stardust


The more time Rhys spent with Stellan the more he wondered about the way the other man spoke. It seemed to him, to be very formal and academic using interesting phrases. It made Rhys wonder if this was part of the other man’s method or if he was in some way reading from a script in his own head. It was with faint embarrassment Rhys realised that this train of thought was him attempting to analyse the man who was supposed to be analysing him. He did his best to think about something else.

Nothing Stellan had said was untrue of course. Starfleet was a professional organisation. Rhys had clearly done enough to impress superiors at one point or another, even if he couldn’t see how, he had to accept that was the case. Stellan certainly seemed to understand Rhys’s reluctance to have any authority whatsoever. As he did not trust his own judgement that would be doubly the case pertaining to others. He was not entirely convinced by Stellan’s thoughts on the ambitious. In some ways he admired those who could have such clear goals about themselves and their future. Rhys was an officer who drifted.

Then Stellan asked about how he felt about not being made department head. The word “Relived.” Came out of his lips almost before he realised, he was forming the syllables. Of course, it wasn’t the whole truth. His ego small and malnourished as it was, it did exist, and there was a part of him that had missed it. However, that was all bound up with all the events and the Cayuga so it was not easy for Rhys to untangle those threads. Overall relieved was the right word though. He had been tired mentally and physically after those events. While there was that little voice chiding him for losing the position the rest of him was so happy to be following again. “So relieved, I don’t think I could have ever run a department on Theurgy. Cayuga, was a smaller ship, less responsibility.” He looked around him almost as if for emphasis “This is a different matter.”

The attack by the Borg had put him in a weakened state already. It was all too close to home, considering his mother had died at Wolf-359. Of course, in many ways that was where it had all began. This had all come out before in his previous treatments. Doubtless it was on his personnel file somewhere, so Rhys was certainly not going to raise it with Stellan. Rhys figured he had probably read about it already.

Then Stellan completely shocked him by asking him about his sex life. He shouldn’t have really been surprised after all Rhys had brought up attachments. However, this line of conversation made him immediately very very uncomfortable. Discussing his patients sex lives, fine. Rhys discussing his own with another person especially one he did not know very well, was hard very hard. Rhys’ actually went red faced. It was worse when Stellan asked about sexual activity in the last month. Rhys’ heartbeat quickened and he felt a kind of fearful dread at the mere thought of talking about any of this.

There was a long uncomfortable pause, “I was talking about friends.” He said eventually. “I form emotional attachments with people easily, sadly the reverse does not seem to be true.” He bit his lip as he measured his next response carefully. “Though when I feel down, I certainly loose interest in…. uh sex. Either with other people or by myself.” He said hoping that the vague answer he gave would be sufficient to satisfy Stellan’s curiosity.

Re: CH02: S [D02|1129] Justice bends the Arrow at your Heart

Reply #8 –
[ Lt. Foster | Counseling Department Offices| Deck 08 | Vector 01 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Juzzie
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As he had pointed out prior, the hardest patients to therapy were those that had psychological training themselves. Even without telepathic abilities, he would’ve been aware of the utter fact that just as much as he was analyzing Rhys, he was being analyzed back. He didn’t have any issue with that, obviously. Hell, if any grander insight towards his own psyche would come to fruition from it, then all the better. A dual win. But in the history of trauma therapy, he had never heard of two people fixing one another simultaneously, not outside of a romance novel. The mere sentiment that two minds could be on the same level of skill and disarray that they would be able to fill these gaps within the respective other – by sheer affection and care, no less - was mawkish and held not empirical evidence to be possible. And he wasn’t really one to deal on faith and inspiration.

He could feel that the Lieutenant understood the validity of outside constants in relation to his own doubts and confusions. Which was the foundation to ground him in, creating a base to build upon the confidence and self-assurance that had fallen victim to the world crumbling around the man. But he could also sense a disagreement with some of his terms, which was not in itself a problem, or even an affront. Not everything was readily applicable to every person and situation. But sometimes too, it just needed a little bit of added detail, especially with a non-telepath on the other end.

“To be able to weigh people’s lives against one another, as required in any command position by my experience, you need to be able to disregard considerations of humanity and individuality. Which, in clinical terms, is a form of sociopathy. Again, not a judgment, just an observation.” Far be it from Stellan to not use factual terms as a means of slighting superiors or people further up the food chain in any regard, but the truth of the matter was still backed up by psychological scholars for centuries. Great leaders were, in a way, sociopaths. Not even taking into account what grandeur and power could do to lesser solidified minds. Hence why psychological evaluations were also part of promotions into leading positions. Which probably had played into Rhys’ current situation, and the fact that he saw the merit of it – unlike his sister Kate had – was prove of the good path he set himself on. Inadvertently, but still.

“I don’t think your ‘relief’ and acceptance are the signs of failure or inadequacy you categorize them as. But rather symbolisms of a judgment unimpaired by your self-doubt. You do know what you’re capable of, it seems just a matter of confidence, if I were to break it down into absolute terms.” he almost mused, as if gauging the words as they left his thin, scruff-lined lips, listening to every little blimp on the telepathic ether, as the vowels and consonants sank into his counterpart. Of course, there were no absolute terms of the mind. Every emotion was accompanied by its exact opposite, no matter how minute in comparison. For every bout of confidence there was doubt, no matter how minute. Or in Rhys’ case, the other way around. For his relief, there was ambition. It was all a matter of importance, imposed upon the individual sentiments, which was slightly out of whack. But not surprisingly so.

Stellan nodded, as the blonde man clarified, almost defiantly. He could feel the discomfort wash over him like a cold shower. Interspersed with the slight heat flashes of fearful outrage, like a malfunctioning shower unit. “Sexual activity and platonic relations are not exclusive of one another, though.” He intervened, merely to prod a little. People were most revealing with their emotions, inside and out, when they were shoved into them face first. Propping his chin up on his free hand, elbow firm against armrest of his lounge chair, the counselor’s pate nodded as much as it could, against the sturdy support. “And what do you base that assumption on … that people don’t reciprocate these emotional attachments? You don’t seem too sure about it.” he merely pondered, leaving the interpretation mostly to Rhys, which would bare far more insightful results than any judgment could. “I know, for a fact, that many people, not only in this department, care a great deal about you.” he stated confidently, lifting his head as if to derive such proof from a list on his tablet.

“Could it be that, you are merely not getting the kind of emotional response you are expecting? As opposed to none at all.” He queried, readjusting his stance a little, teetering the PADD on his crossed legs, so he had both hands to symbolize a hypothetical construct between them. “People express emotions exhaustingly differently. From the little time we spent together and what I could read up on you, I can understand you are generous and passionate, with your emotions towards others. More so than one would consider ‘normal’. Which is perfectly fine, admirable even. But I can understand how it must seem frustrating not to get a similar – or equal - response, from others.” Folding his hands into two palms cupping one another, Stellan pressed his lips together sympathetically.

Re: CH02: S [D02|1129] Justice bends the Arrow at your Heart

Reply #9 –
[Lt. Rhys Williams| Counselling Department Offices| Deck 08 | Vector 01 | USS Theurgy ] attn: @stardust

Rhys found it hard to not judge what was being said to him on a professional basis. The first time in his life he had ever received therapy, had been long before he had had any training in the subject. Now he found himself trying to resist turning the session into a debate. Friendly and academic but a debate none the less. There were things being said he found himself not agreeing with at all. However, as he doubted his own judgement at the moment and had that fatal condition ‘not wanting to appear rudeitus’ he was reluctant to say anything.

Certainly, under other circumstances he might well have enjoyed a lively debate and exploration of Stellan’s ideas around leadership and sociopathy. From what Stellan was saying he suspected their views were greatly at variance on that score. Stellan also seemed very talkative, where as Rhys was much terser in his interactions with both patients and socially. Whether this was because Stellan knew his patient was shy and taciturn was not clear.

Stellan brought it all back to confidence in the end which Rhys had to agree with. There was his mother’s example in his head of the ideal Starfleet officer, to compare himself to. Coupled attitude his father had had towards him after she had died. It was no wonder his confidence was rock low. Rhys simply nodded to Stellan’s comments, here he completely agreed with him.

Unfortunately, the areas that Stellan seemed to most require a response were in the topic he was most reluctant to talk about sex and relationships. “They don’t reciprocate.” He said as matter of fact as possible. “I have many acquaintances and very few friends.” He surprised himself by how unemotionally he spoke those words. He could have been explaining a new interesting hypothesis. “Either because there is something within me that’s hard to like, or maybe I am not good at presenting myself to others…” he hesitated as his mind alighted on another explanation that Stellan might find even more convincing. “Or perhaps I don’t put myself forward enough all.”  His time in the academy at least in social terms had been a litany of uncomfortable embarrassment. What resulted was a tendency to isolate himself not always consciously. How many times had he been to a party where he spent the whole evening assessing and analysing everything he said.

When Stellan said that many in the department cared about him, Rhys raised his eyebrow and found himself saying “If you say so.” Before he could really stop himself. He chewed his lip a little and ceased to make eye contact with Stellan. He remembered the downright hostile relationship he had with Ejek, who had been a fellow assistant counsellor before her death. He knew she had seen him, as incompetent. She had made it clear at every opportunity that she nether respected or liked him. Every interaction with her had felt she was trying to trip him up somehow.  The part that had always made him so angry was that he was scared she was right.

As to everyone else in the department, Stellan seemed nice but certainly did not know him well enough to have any affection for him. Commander Hatev, she had relieved him of duty so he was prepared to admit that his feelings on that score were not likely to be fair. As Stellan had looked up from his PADD, Rhys was certain he would have had testimony in Rhys’ favour from other members of staff. However, that would hold little weight with him. Most people knew he had been relieved from duty and had been mentally on the edge for a while. Only a person with no morals was going respond “Oh Rhys… poor man, but I still think he is really weird.”

In the end he had to acknowledge that it was possible Stellan was right. Anything less than obvious and clear affection was not enough to satisfy him. That in itself was not a more pleasant way of looking at it. That he was so needy and emotionally compromised that he needed constant affirmation. The Idea of that gave him a shudder. Stellan looked sympathetic, but Rhys was sure he was not painting a flattering picture of himself. There was a new worry jostling for position with all the others. That his interactions were going to demonstrate that he was never going to be fit to go back to work as a counsellor. That scared him more than anything else. Endless days passing into the distance without a role or purpose. One thing he was glad of was for the moment he had headed off the sex part of the discussion.

Re: CH02: S [D02|1129] Justice bends the Arrow at your Heart

Reply #10 –
[ Lt. Foster | Counseling Department Offices| Deck 08 | Vector 01 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Juzzie
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Stellan could certainly understand the difference between assessing an issue professionally, as part of a therapy, pertaining to someone else, potentially someone you didn’t know – as opposed to dealing with the very same issue in yourself, of all people. There was an added level of judgment associated with such consideration, that wasn’t usually afforded to others. Not unless their name was Kate. But even if such preconceptions were cast upon someone else, it wasn’t always without contest, as the very notion was subjective in nature. Always would be, for those corporeal, individual beings, that weren’t interconnected in one large hive mind. And not agreeing on something, or having different views on it entirely, was a rather human experience. One every being was groomed and educated to deal with, growing up.

Having certainly done that and then some, the counselor was more than alright with pushing the subject of commanding officers being borderline sociopaths to the side. It didn’t pertain directly to the matter at hand, after all, and he could sense it was – on the contrary – creating a small momentum of disconnection between the two. Which of course he had no intention to create.

The subject of interpersonal relationships was, in that regard a far more topical and healthy debate. As was evident by the sensation rising on Rhys becoming slightly uncomfortable. Like you would when a dentist touched upon the raw nerve of a tooth. The reaction to retreat in such regards was intrinsically human, and he understood it well. But some things, especially in the broken psyche, had to be powered through, in order to be shed entirely. And discomfort, sadly (or entertainingly) enough, was part of the process.

Stellan nodded briefly as forth came the first curt reply, almost perfectly aligned with the man’s internal impression – albeit slightly abstracted and factualized. He would put that down as a hazard of the trade. But he did deep down enjoy the blonde man’s analytical nature, and how he already started to analyze his own behavior. To a fault perhaps, which was part of the issue. But it could also be helpful in his recovery, if channeled correctly. The most malicious conditions were those that kept people from reflecting upon their thoughts and actions. That was the true definition of insanity. Overthinking one’s own condition, by comparison, was a minor miss adjustment. Of course, nothing ever seemed minor when pertaining to one’s own mind. The epicenter of reality.

“Would you mind outlining for me what you think to be the distinction between acquaintances and friends?” he started out asking, trying to occupy the Lieutenant in a circle of thoughts that could more vividly reveal his internal opinion on the matter. It wasn’t, after all, about what Stellan would find more convincing, or wanted to hear. Which was why being telepathic came in handy so enormously. He didn’t understand how regular humanoids could be good counselors, when they always had to take the patient’s word for it. But maybe, on the other hand, that was the true skill of the trade. One he could blessedly skirt around due to his physiological advantages.

“The fundamental truth of interacting with other people is that we cannot create their opinion of us. Controlling our outward expression in the hopes of shaping a desired appraisal – while decidedly human – in objective terms yields only questionable results. And while most humanoids do not possess the ability to read minds, biology tells me they’re preconditioned to interpret subconscious cues to identify all but the best of liars and pretenders.” Which was for one a subject he could only speak theoretically of, as he had never been faced with the burden, to take something anyone said on face-value, alone.

He however understood that Rhys had no reason to take his word on the fact that he was cared for and appreciated by his peers. After all, the blonde man was not telepathic and had to take the words for whatever he wished. That kind of trust, in Stellan’s experience, was forged by long stretches of time proving that your intentions were bonafide and honest most of the time. He also understood there was a certain level of his position implying he had to say nice things in order to appease the patient – which was not entirely true. But there was also the untrue idea that one needed to spend any inordinate amount of time with someone to feel a genuine sense of affection.

“I understand you don’t think anyone, who doesn’t truly know you, could express any kind of real or honest appreciation towards you.” He decided to go out on a limb here, clearly addressing something he’d sifted from the telepathic ether, rather than the conversation between them. Assuming Rhys was aware of the fact his mind could be read like an instruction manual. “Assuming that affection is a commodity bought by extensive understanding and prolonged exposure. When, in fact, it is an innate expression of any emotionally capable being. Some more, some less. It is neither dependent on your outward presentation of yourself, nor the amount of time spent together, nor the deeper understanding of you. It actually says more about the one extending the sentiment, than it does about the one receiving it. You shouldn’t discard it so readily as dishonest or implausible, if you wish to ever be on the receiving end of more.”

Sounding like a lecture? Potentially. But part of therapy was breaking through one’s habits and own preconceptions. Shattering that mirror of reality that only played back what one wanted to see. Challenging one’s perceptions to a larger sense of understanding.

Re: CH02: S [D02|1129] Justice bends the Arrow at your Heart

Reply #11 –
[Lt. Rhys Williams| Counselling Department Offices| Deck 08 | Vector 01 | USS Theurgy ] @stardust

When Stellan asked Rhys to think about what he considered to be the difference between an acquaintance and a friend he took a moment to formulate a response. It was not easy to give a definition of the difference as it was an emotional and subjective feeling rather than something more objective. Many of the thoughts in his head sounded trite even to him. “An acquaintance is based on a much more formal and professional relationship. Friends are people who you interact with on a much more informal and non-professional basis.” He wondered if that was clear enough, it felt like a vague, clinical answer. He was not sure how else to define it, however. There were people he knew on board whom he saw every day on a professional basis, or a snatched conversation here and there. Very few people whom he felt thought of him as a friend. He felt the need to add more to his definition. “Friendship is based on genuine affection and esteem. Acquaintance has no such strength of feeling.”

Rhys could feel himself talking more and more formally to Stellan and half wondered if he was engaging in an avoidance tactic. He was aware that Stellan had some telepathic ability so perhaps it did not really matter either way.

Stellan was partially right in Rhys’ view about people not being able to fully shape another person’s opinion of themselves. However, he knew full well faces presented publicly were not always the same as what happened in someone’s head. He had once done as much himself. Presenting a calm relaxed demeanour that was utterly fictious. The mask had gradually cracked under the pressure of the last few months. Much of this hiding of his feeling had been based on the lingering fear of being taken off duty due to his emotional instability. In the end it had happened anyway, for the second time. That kind of thing could hang with you, and in some ways it was fortunate that the Theurgy was now apart from Starfleet command. Had they still been part of the core fleet, he could well have been discharged from his role. The fact that the Theurgy could not be so assured of being able to replace him was probably a saving grace.

As Stellan talked about affection being in some way innate, Rhys was not quite able to keep the doubtful expression of his face. He certainly did not feel this to be true. It was clear that some of those feelings Stellan must have picked up from his thoughts in some way. Having his mind read had always made him a little uncomfortable in the past. For years the gulf between what was shown and what was in his head was the reason for this. However, the mask had already slipped. People already had some sense of the state he was in, so he just accepted that this was the case.

“Commodity is not the right word.” He said. “Affection is a two-way process. Yes, the other person has to be capable of showing it, but also there has to be something within you which allows that to happen.” He licked his dry lips. “Something about you they like. If you have no traits they find laudable they won’t be able to feel affection for you.” Of course, as a counsellor he knew what his words were implying. That he felt there was nothing laudable within. Of course, the further implication was Rhys did not feel he was worthy of affection. It was very possible Stellan was right, about him subconsciously discarding affection or not being able to see it. However, the analytical voice was being drowned in waves of negativity.

He shifted uncomfortably; this was getting very philosophical now.

Re: CH02: S [D02|1129] Justice bends the Arrow at your Heart

Reply #12 –
[ Lt. Foster | Counseling Department Offices| Deck 08 | Vector 01 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Juzzie
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Letting Rhys approach the subject logically, actually thinking about it, seemed to foster a realization, that some personal judgments were not easy to justify in the first place. Most impressions, if not all, were entirely subjective. A theory stretched to the point where some scientists postulated if reality was even, indeed, real. And to be perfectly honest, as the Lieutenant questioned the clarity of his description, his counselor had been fairly content with it, until he tried to add another layer of justification. At which point he felt a little bit like the handsome blonde man was over-reaching, but wasn’t intent to outright say it. That was all part of the process and he rather saw someone going too far than dragging behind.

“You don’t think an acquaintance can be a genuine affection?” Stellan asked curiously. “I am hurt.” Clutching the top of his chest, where the black fabric met the stitched grey padding, diverging into a V that framed teal jersey. Most of it, of course, was an act, to get the man to smile once in a while. But there was also a ring of truth to the gentle indignation. According to Rhys definition, he considered himself to be a professional acquaintance. But that didn’t mean his affection wasn’t genuine. It was also not really explainable. Not in clinical terms, anyways. There was a certain chemistry. A chemistry he had noticed and given into from the first moment they had met aboard. Because, why not, life was too short, and Stellan very proud of always acting on his whims and emotions. What good a counselor would he be if he subdued or shoved them aside, simply.

The ping of fear and guilt, running through the man’s mind like steam pipes through a maintenance network, did not elude the telepath. He could understand that notion very well. Time of his life Stellan had felt like he could use his exceptional training, his degrees and experience, to justify having him around Starfleet, even though his interactions with people weren’t always … commendable. Yet for him, it was more or less a conscious demeanor, whether for Rhys – so he was convinced at least – it was more or less a sick joke of fate.

He could also feel a sense of ease, in regards to his suggested mental capabilities and intrusions. Which he hoped was in part due to that genuine affection, he was talking about. He hoped to be able to put Rhys at ease on a more personal level, because what other way to approach a patient was there? If they had no reason to trust you, why should they? And how were you expected to help a person that didn’t trust you with their inner most thoughts and desires? Even as a telepath, there was a distinct difference between what a person thought and what they outright admitted to the world around them. There was a certain reality to ‘saying’ something, admitting something, that superseded the mere figment in one’s mind.

He tilted his head appreciatively; as Rhys corrected him that ‘commodity’ was not the right word to use, interpreting his idea. Intent on hearing the explanation to the statement. The counselor ultimately nodded, knowingly, dark eyes temporarily dropping to the blonde’s shoes, before reuniting with his azure ponds.

“Yet, you cannot be certain what someone considers ‘laudable traits’, right? To a Romulan that might be vindictiveness, to a Klingon it could be courage. And even within a single species, there are billions of individuals. In a universe of endless possibilities, I would find it hard to believe that NO ONE could find anything in there to laude about.” he stated, prodding Rhys’ chest with his index finger once, right above his communicator. “And even then, there is people who can feel compassion for just about any living thing. I’d hope that the majority of the counseling staff does.” he chuckled lightly, trying to take the seriousness out of it a little bit.

“Did you ever consider asking me out for a beer?”

Re: CH02: S [D02|1129] Justice bends the Arrow at your Heart

Reply #13 –
[Lt. Rhys Williams| Counselling Department Offices| Deck 08 | Vector 01 | USS Theurgy ] attn: @stardust

Again, Rhys was reminded that the other counsellor was exceptionally good at his job. The tension had been rising in Rhys as the conversation had gone on, particularly when ever Stellan adopted a more direct questioning technique. However, Stellan ingenious feigned that Rhys had hurt his feelings in an amusing way. The other man had clutched at his heart expressing his ‘pain’ with excessive sincerity. Rhys still smiled and chuckled quietly. He knew that Stellan was trying to make him feel a little bit more at ease, but it still worked.

It still had not entirely changed his mind. A stranger or acquaintance could feel, concern or sympathy for a stranger but genuine affection was a stretch. Of course, it was also possible that in their fleeting interactions Stellan had developed a regard for him and Rhys hadn’t noticed. He no longer trusted his emotional sense at least as it pertained to himself. He barely trusted it with other people. He wondered if there was something else behind the humorous exchange, maybe a degree of genuine irritation. Rhys of course knew how what he was saying could be taken, that people around him and by extension Stellan were uncaring. That was certainly not what he had tried to convey, in truth he was not really sure what he had been trying to demonstrate. “Sorry.” Rhys said apologetically.

The other councillor then decided to probe Rhys’ feelings about the word laudable. Its true different people valued different things. This was certainly true. Rhys’ mother had very much valued him, his father on the other hand especially once his mother was gone was a different matter. Perhaps there were things in himself that he found hard to value but others would. It was then that Stellan stunned him by asking if he would have asked him out for a beer.

Rhys immediately went vivid shocking pink. His face burned so bright it could have distracted low flying aircraft. “No..” He said shaking his head “not that you aren’t… um not that I couldn’t… I….” He stumbled over his words trying to get his thoughts in order. His treacherous thoughts were all to ready to overwhelm him. Of course, he wouldn’t Stellan, was attractive, intelligent, erudite and charming. Way out of Rhys’ league in terms of friendship or anything else. Of course, he felt the same way about nearly everyone he knew.

The idea of asking someone out in anyway filled him with a kind of terror. Rhys would rather have charged into a group of angry Klingon warriors with only a toothpick for defence, than confront the more terrifying world of social interactions. There was something so much less frightening about being with someone on a professional basis. “I mean… would you want to?” There was the unspoken question in his head. ‘Are you doing this because I am a patient and you feel sorry for me, or is this something you would want to do.’ He realised the thought was unworthy of him the moment he thought it, but the negative voices were always strong. The idea of someone wanting to spend time with him was almost incomprehensible.

Re: CH02: S [D02|1129] Justice bends the Arrow at your Heart

Reply #14 –
[ Lt. Foster | Counseling Department Offices| Deck 08 | Vector 01 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Juzzie
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Following Rhys winding train of thoughts along, as it ascended through the clouds, huddling up against the mountainside, nothing but a faint glimmer of sunlight promising eventual absolution, Stellan felt a considerably larger amount of joy than he let on, obviously. There was a very fine line between being assumed to laugh with someone, or about someone – which was entirely subject to personal judgments. So the safest bet was always, in any scenario involving mental healing, to keep the expression of emotions to a minimum. On the side of the counseling party at least. 

And while that would effectively qualify any Vulcan specifically, the man still wasn’t convinced that not a little bit of personal experiences had to go into the very core of sympathy. And if you couldn’t feel that, if you didn’t have that frame of reference, you could not assume to know how to remedy such ailments. Granted, as a physician, you didn’t need to have experienced a heart-attack, to deal with one in a patient. But it surely would’ve made you far better in your job if you had a frame of reference about the fear and helplessness coming out of it, alongside the biological ramifications. Then again, that’s when the ‘gods in scrubs’ usually pushed their patients off to counseling.

Nodding pleasantly, as the mountain express made its way to the final stop of vocalizing one’s thought, amidst the bright sunshine of the summit, Stellan could feel that, while he was potentially confusing the man more than he had been, inflating a mess was the best way to get the space necessary to untangle the threads. “Don’t worry about it. I wouldn't be a very productive counselor if I took things personal easily.” he smiled gently, lower eyelids creasing with subtle glee.

Momentarily taking a deeper dive into Rhys’ relationship with his parents, prompted the lieutenant’s spider senses to focus more intently. It was an informative detour, taking the scenic route through his private entanglements casually. It seemed so as if the blonde man had started to be able to adress certain contributing factors to his predicament more openly. Which was a small success in its own rite. And at the futility of making a big ‘Well done, boy!’ out of every little step forward, Stellan instead opted to send a small sense of gratitude, easily disguised as a notion coming from within Rhys’ head himself. And while these kinds of telepathic manipulations had come WAY to commonplace for the half-betazoid, at least in this capacity he was using them for good.

Then followed the expected flurry of emotions, a whirlwind picking up the other man’s entire decorum and composure, transporting it into a world entirely its own. Landing right on top of all the evil and the doubts his mind could concoct, effectively crushing them temporarily, until they would potentially come back with a vengeance. Well, they certainly weren’t in Kansas anymore.

“You see how your actions have become limited by what you assume the feedback to be? Does my agreement influence the desire to ask? Should it? Or does it only exclude you from a reality that you cannot possibly foresee?” Stellan asked, somewhat pondering, even though his professional opinion was rather solidified on that point. It was merely more productive to ask questions in a suggestive manner, rather than a definitive one. That way it usually prompted a thought process, hopefully. Picking up the man’s internal question too, the counselor figured it was a good one to address in a more traditional manner. “And it doesn’t really matter, does it? What the reasoning behind someone’s actions are. As a non-telepath all you can trust on are the words and gestures of everyone else. But rest assured, it’s a wonderfully simplistic world to live in!” he chuckled lightly. Intent on sharing a little bit of personal experience, that someone devoid of emotions of their own, surely couldn’t.

“Even if I see someone’s true intent behind the veneer of an action, it doesn’t change my subjective perception of the gesture, based on personal experiences. Because even knowing what someone thinks is no guarantee to understand it. Who people are in their heads is usually something that only makes sense to themselves … and then oftentimes not even that.” another chuckle, leaving Stellan intent on ending the tangent on a more hopeful note, as their session almost neared its end.

“But yes, why would I not want to catch a beer with you?! Professional reasons and pity aside, I do like a cold brew and charming company.”

Re: CH02: S [D02|1129] Justice bends the Arrow at your Heart

Reply #15 –
[Lt. Rhys Williams| Counselling Department Offices| Deck 08 | Vector 01 | USS Theurgy ] attn: @stardust

Rhys was glad Stellan had not been angered or upset by things he had said so far. It was a part of himself that he both loved and hated. Rhys was one of those people who hated upsetting people and conflict in general. On the one hand a positive trait, on the other he even went out of his way to avoid upsetting even people he found abhorrent. Rhys had a tendency to be a bit of a door mat in such situations. As he had been thinking about these feelings and others in his head, as strange feeling had taken over him. It was one he would never have been able to describe very well. The closest he could come thinking of it was a strange satisfaction that he had been able to open up to Stellan more about the causes of his emotional turmoil.


The conversation seemed to linger on Stellan’s thoughts on ‘going for a beer’ with Rhys. Stellan seemed to be asking rhetorical questions about whether Stellan’s agreement would have influenced Rhys’ desire to ask. Still Rhys felt the need to comment on that point. “If I knew for sure you would have accepted, I might well have asked.” He nodded. “However, I would never want to put someone in a position of feeling they had to accept to save my feelings.” Not everyone will get along and want to ‘hang out’.” Stelllan indicated that the reasoning did not matter. Rhys shrugged, in his view in some cases it mattered a great deal. “Reasoning matters a great deal. There are people out there who will agree to things they don’t want to do to spare the other’s feelings.” And how did he know that? He was one of those people. Of course, he would never have advised any of his patients behave in such a way but practicing what he preached had never been his strong suite.


On Stellan’s last point that people in their heads often did not make sense even to themselves was something Rhys agreed with whole heartedly. “We are each of us mysteries. Especially to ourselves.” He was not sure where the quote had come from, perhaps he had read it somewhere, but it came to his lips in that moment. Of course, then Stellan had to make Rhys’ pink face even brighter by suggesting he was charming company. There was a nervous smile on Rhys’ lips at that. He had never been one to know how to take a compliment. Compliments were often so at odds with how he saw himself that it created discord. “Thank you. “He did

Re: CH02: S [D02|1129] Justice bends the Arrow at your Heart

Reply #16 –
[ Lt. Foster | Counseling Department Offices| Deck 08 | Vector 01 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Juzzie
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The absence of personal judgment and impressions was an impossible feat for any sentient being, artificial or natural, as it touched the very base of individuality. He was sure even Thea could appreciate the contemplations on the matter, seeing as she was an artificial intelligence who too dealt in decisions base don experiences and personal character. Which probably made her just as biased as any intelligent being on this ship, which had likely been her inventor’s intention. A simple machine, dealing strictly in zeros and ones, was the only real authority in unswayed decision making, taking only into account the empirical facts, rather than impressions and interpretations.

But that wasn’t what you wanted when coming to a counselor’s office. You didn’t want the logical conclusion calculated from the stone-cold facts of your condition. Because for most people that would likely culminate in immediate euthanasia. You know, in terms of weighing duty and productivity against mental illness that was time-consuming to heal. Especially when talking about a job that any computer, surely, was confident to be able to do better.

But then there was the human element, the element of self-determined individuals, who acted and reacted in patterns acquired from years and years of experiences and impressions. Programmed or real, these engrams guided a sense of prejudice and judgment in everyone. Determining an approach to any problem that was a incomparable as the person itself. Where ten computers all made the same decision, ten individuals could make ten wildly different ones. That was what made these sacks of meat and bones indispensible.

And while Stellan was decidedly human – at least half – and had his own set of distinctively set opinions, he had learned to keep most of his judgments to himself. Especially when they pertained on how he thought someone meant something that they had said. That was the kind of interpretation that led to misunderstanding. Instead he found comfort in the strength of his Betazoid abilities. Peeling away the superficial image to unearth someone’s true intentions. How anyone could go about their job as a therapist on the sheer basis of assumption was beyond him, but more power to them if it worked as efficiently – which he doubted.

So he could sense the appreciation that came from his not acting on the words that had come out somewhat jumbled, from the blonde man’s pretty lips. The words, as a matter off act, had meant far less than the internal sentiments he had sensed alongside them.

“Save of being a telepath, you’re sadly left with sometimes taking that leap for something you really want. Trial and error is a part of life, as is dealing with rejection in a healthy way.” he replied calmly.  “Have you ever experienced failure to become an easier burden to carry with every time you were faced with it?”

A curious question to pose. Yet some people possessed the talent of getting used to negative emotions in a sense of coping. Others had to devise ways to compartmentalize the concept as a whole, for it to become ‘normal’.

“I find it interesting that you say that like it’s a bad thing. That certain people are empathetic enough to do something they know a person would enjoy even at the expense of their own immediate satisfaction.” Stellan chuckled, crossing his lower arms on the precipice of his uprightly supported tablet in his lap. The stylus pen diligently dangling from beneath his index and middle finger.  “Whereas one could consider that a wonderful trait in a person.” he shrugged lightly. It was all a matter of personal judgment, after all.

Rhys’ more poetic comment left the man nodding slowly, in the end, letting the intricacy of the words sink in. Sifting through his mind in search of a literary work it could’ve been drawn from, but came up short in the nick of time. So he simply smiled at the temporary assumption that the rather nifty line was an original one.

“Still haven’t really asked though.” The man whispered ultimately, leaning forward slightly with a devilish grin. Challenging Rhys’ insecurities and preconceptions of himself just a little bit, over and over again, was a part of coaxing forth the kind of self-revelation that paved the way to self-improvement.

OOC: Sorry for the wait, mate, work crunch finally over :3

Re: CH02: S [D02|1129] Justice bends the Arrow at your Heart

Reply #17 –
[Lt. Rhys Williams| Counselling Department Offices| Deck 08 | Vector 01 | USS Theurgy [/b]] attn: @stardust

As Stellan talked about being a Telepath Rhys wondered for a moment what that would be like. He could certainly imagine the advantages but also the disadvantages. The suspicion from peoples not blessed with such power. Plus, there was the responsibility of in some cases knowing someone’s inner most thoughts. Though in truth Rhys knew very little about how that worked. Then Stellan asked him if failure ever got easier for him. Rhys thought about this for a moment and eventually shook his head. “Not really it gets worse. I find I have too negative a mind set to be able to brush off failure.” He struggled with failure professional, personal and romantic. He never knew how to deal with it. “I have a tendency to catastrophise. Take a minor failing and blow it up out of proportion.” Rhys smiled softly, Stellan was getting Rhys to self-analyse, “But then I imagine you could guess that.”

Rhys responded to Stellan’s comments about Empathy. “It is a good trait in a person but it’s nice to think that people spend time with you because they enjoy it.” He chuckled back at Stellan, finding the sound pleasant. Though that was nothing compared to the devilish grin that Stellan flashed Rhy’s way.  It sent a little shiver down Rhys’ spin and mad him blush more. He felt he was being teased a little bit, but he took in a deep shuddering breath. “Would you like to come for a drink with me sometime?” He was amazed he got the words out without tripping over them. Now he worried for a moment that Stellan would now say no. It was not a logical worry, he knew. Stellan would not have said what he had, if he were not happy to be asked. However logic could be very fleeting.

Re: CH02: S [D02|1129] Justice bends the Arrow at your Heart

Reply #18 –
[ Lt. Foster | Counseling Department Offices| Deck 08 | Vector 01 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Juzzie
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The little game that Rhys and Stellan played at the counselor’s behest was, albeit one of open cards, a rather futile one, if you looked at it closely. They were both aware of how these things worked, the art and craft of therapy. How to get someone to reflect and understand their issues so a course of action towards healing could be established. So nothing that the half-Betazoid could say or do was a surprise to the blonde man. Well, aside the occasional curveball he could throw by simply bouncing off the patient’s thoughts and impressions. Like the hypothesis of them going out for a beer – which in its essence wasn’t such a wild idea. But given the personal inclinations involved, had a rather different set of meaning attached to it. For in the end it was all about subjective impressions.

So, in this little game of back and forth, he already knew what Rhys’ answer would be. But that wasn’t the point. Saying it forced the young man to reflect upon it. Putting something into words made it more real than a thought could ever be, tenfold. The very realization of the obviousness of such sentiments brought a charming smile to Stellan’s thin lips. Concluding the boyish lip-curl with an agreeable nod and wiggle of the brows.

No verbal reassurances needed – however, he wasn’t going to leave the topic at that, the realization.

“Have you ever tried to split them into smaller pieces that are easier to deal with? Like breaking down a failure, looking at each contributing factor individually, but only for a moment, then putting them all in a box and stowing them away. Then, when you have a moment where you feel comfortable, safe and confident, you take the box out and look at each piece calmly and with a little bit of time between you and the event.”

And while it seemed like they were making great progress in getting Rhys to open up to his counselor, but also himself, there were other areas where the session dissolved in more of a waltz around a bush, than actual realization.

“I know it’s hard to believe, but some people actually enjoy doing nice things for others.” Stellan chuckled, not because it was a joke, but because it took out the potentially judgmental sounding undertones of the comment. “I think it speaks to the grander problem, the over-analyzing of things, especially interpersonal. But as with working your own issues, in therapy we should try to break the struggles down into smaller sections. And I also think in that regard we’ve already come a good way in this session.”

Setting the PADD down as an indication for the ‘official’ portion of the hour to end, Stellan made no indications as to getting up or sending the man on his way. That’s not how counseling worked. There was a starting time, but no preset finish. At least not the way he ran it.

“I would enjoy that quite a bit.” he replied, stressing verb in that sentence to emphasize its connection to what they’d been talking about. For he too could draw satisfaction from a patient getting better and a friend having a good time, no matter his own motives for doing it. Which, sadly for Rhys, would for now remain hidden beneath that dense head of thin, dark hair and behind those glimmering obsidian orbs.

“You know my schedule, come by and pick me up any time I’m off duty.”

That way, the ball was in Rhys’ court and Stellan would be able to see how the man dealt with follow-through. Yet it was not all about therapy ... for he could use the release too.

Re: CH02: S [D02|1129] Justice bends the Arrow at your Heart

Reply #19 –
[Lt. Rhys Williams| Counselling Department Offices| Deck 08 | Vector 01 | USS Theurgy] attn: @stardust

Whatever resulted from these sessions Rhys was certainly going to leave with a great amount of respect for Stellan’s ability. They had some disputes early on in their meeting, but they had been the friendly academic variety. It was amazing in a way, had they met before Rhys had had his breakdown the friendliness, he felt for Stellan would not have been guaranteed. Rhys had always been uncomfortable around Betazoids and those who could walk through the locked doors of his mind. It was based out of fear, Rhys had spent so long lying to himself and creating a façade that he was fine. A Betazoid would easily have seen it for the act that it was. In truth while Rhys knew that with the Theurgy in the position it was there was no way that the ship could lose even a councillor with a checkered history, he was afraid of loosing his place permanently. After all this wasn’t the first time, he had had a mental break while on duty. The first had resulted in him transferring from operations to counselling. However, the break had already happened Stellan did not need to read him to know something was wrong so there was no room for hostility born of fear.

He smiled at Stellan’s advice about cutting problems into pieces. “That’s advice I’ve given myself to others. I’ll have to take my own medicine I think.” It made him feel a little bit pathetic that this was the case, but he was used to that feeling. Certainly, Stellan was right that this session had gone better than Rhys ever imagined it would. His fear however unreal about Stellan some how insisting that Rhys should never return to work had failed to materialise. Rhys had felt himself obviously relax more and more through the session.

Stellan placed his PADD on his desk, and the switch in him marked ‘offical’ seemed to have been switched off for the moment. Rhys was delighted that Stellan had accepted. It was a strange feeling, a man he had dreaded coming to see he now wanted nothing more than to spend some off-duty time with him. That would be fun, they seemed to have a rapport in session at least, and it helped Stellan was easy on the eyes to. Though Rhys hoped that last stray thought hadn’t been picked up.

Rhys nodded at the other man. “I will.” He said there was a nervousness in his voice, but it was now a nervousness born out of excitement of a new friend made. At least that’s how it felt to Rhys.

Re: CH02: S [D02|1129] Justice bends the Arrow at your Heart

Reply #20 –
[ Lt. Foster | Counseling Department Offices| Deck 08 | Vector 01 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Juzzie
[Show/Hide]


Little did Rhys know that what he was thinking about this instance, had not too long ago troubled another member of the counseling department just the same. But no, it was not Stellan, for he did not have the capacity for such self-reflection. It had actually been Hathev, the Vulcan Chief Counselor, that had pulled the half Betazoid’s suitability to serve into question. Ironically so over the very skill of intrusion that now was helping him understand and treat his patient’s better. She too had weighed the benefit against the dangers and had come to the very same conclusion, that Theurgy could not afford one officer on the sidelines.

But that was not a sentiment shared between the deputy and his chief.

Stellan believed that there was still room for those that could not be tolerated as crewmembers in positions of power, where they could do actual harm. And the counseling department was certainly such an environment. But he also believed that Rhys was in no danger to hurt anyone but himself, with the actions and misconceptions in question. Hell, on the objectivity scale he was probably a good bit behind the man himself, in terms of suitability to work in this environment. So, if Hathev were to heed his advice, he’d insist that the best thing that could happen to the blonde was being reinstated.

And how did he know that? By unsolicitedly reading his mind. Go figure.

“Judgment towards ourselves is seldom the same as that which we pass on to others. In one way or another.” the man stated calmly. The more prevalent case, however, was the opposite of what Thys was experiencing. People judging others much more harshly than themselves. Not only in that case did the blonde-haired hunk turn out quite a delightful exception from the norm.

The general mood in the room had shifted and Stellan felt quite validated in his decision to rather show, than preach, when it came to people being more receptive to spending time with Rhys, than he gave himself credit for. A general sense of calm serenity fell over the gentle quiet between them. A soothing fog that had sprung from the last staccato of the blonde’s brief reassurance. But it was the kind of quiet that held a exciting outlook on a hidden future, rather than unseen dangers, lurking in the abyss of nothingness.

At least he hoped that was the kind of sentiment he could convey a little bit through the telepathic ether that connected the two of them.

Re: CH02: S [D02|1129] Justice bends the Arrow at your Heart

Reply #21 –
[Lt. Rhys Williams| Counselling Department Offices| Deck 08 | Vector 01 | USS Theurgy] attn: @stardust

One way or another it felt like the meeting was winding down. Rhys felt a lot better than when he had first stepped into the room. He had dreaded the whole meeting for one reason or another. He had been worried that Stellan would rule he was unfit for duty. Perhaps that he would embarrass himself somehow, although the whole situation could be construed as a little embarrassing. A Counsellor having to seek help. Certainly, a wound to professional dignity, what little Rhys had left anyway.

However, at the end of it all, he felt better. Not cured, such a thing was not possible, but functioning. During the course of the meeting, he had also developed a healthy respect for Stellan and beyond that a liking for the handsome fellow. Oh yes and last but not least an invitation to socialise with him. There was no way this could have gone better really.

Rhys stood, and gave a smile that was very typical of the man as he hovered awkwardly making sure that he was not leaving prematurely and that Stellan had nothing more to say. “Well thanks Stellan, I will take you up on your offer.” He said then weirdly found himself almost bowing to the other man. He chuckled nervously and proceeded to the door. A little less afraid of the future.

- FIN
 
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