EPIL: S [D06|2025] At Peace With It All

May 25, 2019, 09:12:24 PM

[ Annika Van den Berg | USS Theurgy ]

Annika had wanted to finish helping in sickbay, but she had been ordered to go to her quarters and rest by one of the doctors. She didn't know who the doctor was, nor did she care. When she finally left sickbay, she was covered in blood, soot and a multitude of other things she didn't want to identify.

The young woman sauntered slowly down the corridors of the ship, marvelling at the amount of damage that was present. Damage control teams were hard at work and she tried to stay out of their way as she looked around. As she stepped over a piece of bulkhead, something had caught her eye sticking out slightly from under the debris. It was black and silver and stood out to her, but apparently no one else had noticed it. A souvenir of sorts for the young and confused junior lieutenant. She reached down and grabbed it out from underneath the debris and shoved it underneath the jacket part of her uniform.   Annika looked to her left, and then to her right to see if anyone had noticed her grab her souvenir but to her surprise, the corridor was empty except for her. She outwardly smiled and felt at peace with her souvenir and her sheer luck at finding it. She picked up her pace as she made the final jaunt towards her quarters, desperate to be in a safe spot and not be caught with her newly found possession.

It had taken only a few minutes longer to reach her quarters which she entered and locked the door behind her as soon as it had closed. She looked around the room, which was small and devoid of any personal touches. She found the room comforting and to her, as safe as any space on this ship of the damned. She moved over to a small table beside a comfortable chair and sat her souvenir on the table. As she looked down at it, she smiled at it.   She stepped back and started to undress as she desperately felt the need to change clothes and to shower. Annika felt grimy but slightly better after she had completely removed her clothing and placed it in the replicator. The replicator dematerialized the clothing and then rematerialized its replacement. She picked up the replacement and felt the crispness and cleanliness of it in her hands.   Annika then made her way towards the shower, bringing along the clothing. She stepped into the sonic shower and turned it on. The young woman stood there, feeling her skin and hair being cleaned as the sonic pulses did their job. The cycle had been completed faster than she imagined it would and she stepped out feeling fresh and clean.

She put on her fresh new uniform and felt the softness against her skin. She relished in the fact that this had felt nice, and looked at herself in the mirror. She grabbed a brush that was next to the sink and brushed her hair. The sonic showers had always left her hair soft, even if a little frizzy.   As she finished brushing her hair, she decided to put it in a ponytail. Not exactly regulations, but she was confident that she would be provided a little latitude; besides, she'd be staying in her quarters. She looked at herself in the mirror again and smiled at the woman staring back at her. She turned off the lights in the bathroom and made her way out to the living area of her quarters. She ordered a glass of red wine and two PADDs from the replicator. The wine was to help her unwind and the PADDs were for her to do some writing. She always did enjoy the release of writing letters and personal log entries. She proceeded to sit down in the comfortable chair and set her glass of wine on the table next to it.

Annika figured that she would write a letter to her mother. The two hadn't talked in years and she wasn't even sure if her mother could ever read it, but nevertheless, she decided to write it regardless.

Moeder, it had began. Ik hoop dat het goed gaat met u. Ik weet niet of je deze brief ooit zult lezen, maar ik had het gevoel dat ik het toch moest schrijven." It had continued. It had been a long time since Annika had written anything in Dutch, but it felt nice to do it.

Het spijt me en onthoud, ik zal altijd van je houden. she had ended it with. A fitting sentiment nonetheless.

The letter had taken her longer to write than she expected, but she was finally finished.

She sat the PADD down on the table next to her and grabbed the glass of wine and took a sip of the delicious liquid in the wine glass. She savoured the aroma and taste as she sat the glass back down on the table. She then proceeded to pick up the next PADD and pen another letter. This one to Commander Ducote.   In her brief meeting with the Commander, she found him to be genuinely concerned about her and her well-being. Even though she couldn't remember any interactions with him, there was something about him that caused Annika to instinctively trust him. Plus, if he did know Annika the way it seemed, then a letter wouldn't be too big of a surprise.

She started tapping away on the PADD as her thoughts flowed through her fingers and into words on the device.

Commander. I'm truly sorry that I don't remember anything about my service aboard the Endeavour. However, I want to thank you for being so nice to me, even just in our one meeting.

The letter continued on, but thankfully, there wasn't as much to say to the Commander as there was to her mother. She then sat the PADD down on the table. She picked up her glass and brought it to her mouth and emptied the contents into her mouth. As she swallowed the liquid and sat the glass down on the table she closed her eyes.

Annika imagined walking along the barrier protecting the lowlands of her home country from the relentless onslaught of the North Sea. She smelt the saltiness of the ocean wafting into her nostrils as she felt the breeze blow through her hair. The Netherlands were her happy place, she always felt at peace in her homeland. As she kept walking along the barrier, she once again thought, as she always did, the impressive engineering that her Dutch ancestors did, when they made her country. She was also happy that humanity pulled their heads out of their asses in the 21st Century and mitigated the effects of climate change, so her country would continue.

As her eyes stayed closed and she smiled, imagining the beauty of her homeland, she reached out for the souvenir she had acquired on her way to her quarters. She found it and raised it up to her temple and pulled the trigger.

..

..

..

Nothing happened. Annika pulled the trigger again, and once again it did nothing.

She opened her eyes to see she was still in her quarters.

Annika yelled "FUCK!!! as she threw the Type II phase pistol at the bulkhead opposite her. It clanged against the bulkhead, sparked once and fell to the deck plating with a muted and small thud.

Annika was pissed. Not only at herself but at the situation.

Am I that fucked up that I can't even kill myself?? she angrily thought to herself and she stood up, knocking the chair and table beside it over.   Annika was numb, she felt nothing now. She was at peace before when she had decided to kill herself. She couldn't even do that right. She was angry, but that too had subsided.

She needed to feel something...anything.

The young woman stormed out of her quarters in a desperate attempt to find something to fill the void she had inside of her.

~FIN