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CH02: S [D06|0032] The Shattered Cross

Chapter 02: Supplemental [ Day 06 | 0032 hrs. ] The Shattered Cross

[ Lt Cmdr Thomas 'Razor' Ravon | Fighter Assault Deck| SCO Office | Deck 16 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy ]

Still standing in his exosuit Thomas looked at the squadron chart than was displayed in his office. His eyes staring at the names on the board as he stood there aimlessly with his hands resting on his hips. He had placed his helmet on the desk and his gauntlets removed. The door behind him was closed yet not locked as he shook his head lightly "Fuck Miles... I don't know how you kept up with this..." he said softly to himself as he walked up to the board and started to select the names from the essentially huge PADD. He removed the callsigns of those who weren't with them anymore and he looked at the end result.

Goldeneye, Angel, Ghost, Salvo and Knight. Three operational fighters and one missing a RIO, not including himself. That's all that seemed to be left of their wolf pack. Thomas shook his head as he chuckled lightly before he slammed his fist into the wall and let out a screech of frustration. It was too early to tell if or how Meony would make it out of her surgery or if Fury survived his injuries from the battle. He stepped back from the wall as he went over to the replicator "Cold pack." he said to the replicator which simply chirped and produced the desired good. He placed the cool pack against his bruised knuckles and leaned against his desk once more as he looked up to the ceiling. Having Izar around would probably lighten his mood slightly. They'd probably relapse to their old habits which might or might not become beneficial for the crew as a whole. Thomas smiled slightly at that thought before he looked down at his exosuit. It was time he'd take the suit off, yet keep it close by in case he'd have to rush back to his fighter.

"Computer, replicate uniform for Thomas Ravon." he said aloud as the system chirped once more and a fresh uniform was produced by the replicator. He placed his hand phaser on the desk as he took it from the holster of his exosuit. He let the gears depressurize the suit as he waited and began to remove his bracers before removing the chest piece. Thomas wore nothing underneath the suit besides a pair of boxers. As the door chimed he figured it would be one of his pack coming for new orders or anything else. Nudity among the pack was something they were accustomed too, thus Ravon simply answered "Enter." not thinking that it would be anyone else. His mind still processing the losses and trying to figure out how to move forward with the assets he had.

He turned himself to face the door as the doors slid open. His eyes narrowing slightly as someone else entirely stood in the opening of the office. Ensign Cameron Henshaw stood there and he was slightly taken back by her visit before he realized his state of undress. The bottom part of his exosuit still on him "Ensign." he said, the slight tone of surprise audible in his voice "Please enter. Take a seat." he gestured to the free chairs in front of his desk as he walked over to the replicator to start getting dressed once more, unsure how the young woman felt about seeing skin.

Re: Chapter 02: Supplemental [ Day 06 | 0032 hrs. ] The Shattered Cross

Reply #1
[ Ens. Cameron Henshaw | Battle Bridge | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Nolan
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There was honestly very little for Cameron to do on the bridge once the battle and excitement wound down, but the young woman remained at her post and rendered whatever assistance she could until the Gamma shift came in to relieve them. The ship was a mess, and she didn't need to Tactical Observatory to tell her that. It was a wonder that they even had the lights on still at this point. And Jien out there, without help. thought Cameron bitterly. To top it all off, they were down to about five available fighters for Tactical Conn. She watched them die, blips on her monitor just winking out of existence. Just like that, gone.

Would there be a day where she wasn't blinking back tears of anguish?

Once her duty on the bridge was completed, she didn't leave immediately for her quarters to grab what sleep she could, but instead, she took the turbolifts somewhere else...

[ Fighter Assault Deck| SCO Office | Deck 16 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy ]

She wasn't sure at first what she'd say when she chimed at the door, and she completely forgot for the moment that fighter pilots and security often had little in the way of modesty in the dressing room, especially with each other. Thomas was clearly surprised by her visit, and she couldn't stop the flush on her cheeks when she saw him, and realized that he clearly didn't expect someone like her to show up.

“Commander, I...sorry...I mean, yes, thank you.” darting her eyes away from him and making a beeline to settle down in the offered seat. Brushing her skirt down, she glanced over at the squadron chart and all concern about one another's modesty was forgotten. She remembered the reason why she came. “I came to apologize...and to see...well, to see you. H-how are the rest...doing?”

Re: Chapter 02: Supplemental [ Day 06 | 0032 hrs. ] The Shattered Cross

Reply #2
[ Lt Cmdr Thomas 'Razor' Ravon | Fighter Assault Deck| SCO Office | Deck 16 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Triage

Thomas had been busy with working himself into the upper part of his uniform as Henshaw took her place at his desk. He noticed the way she adjusted her skirt before she sat down and he couldn't help but notice the slightest hint of weirdness in the situation. It changed however when the girl looked at the updated squadron chart and spoke. His brows frowning as she told him she had come here to apologize and to see him.

Her question about how his squadron was doing was met with a soft sigh from the lieutenant commander. The hiss of the lower part of his armor being removed filling the room before Ravon quickly worked himself into the standard pants "As good as it can get I suppose. One pilot in Sickbay with what seems to be a brain tumor the other one was fried by the on board systems. The rest of my pilots are doing what they can to be ready for the next engagement." he shrugged unsure if Henshaw was looking at him or not at that time. "We started with sixteen pack members. That's how much of us filled this bay, that's how much filled lockers we had. The amount of people that messed around in the lounge..." he spoke with a raspy voice as he walked over to his desk, walking past Henshaw as he stopped at the squadron chart.

"So we took our losses, refilled our ranks and look at us now ensign... I can't even muster a fourth of that number." he admitted bitterly before he turned around and looked at Henshaw "You spoke about offering apologies. Why is that?" he asked as he leaned against his desk and rested his eyes on the woman that spoke to them every single time that they risked their lives out there. He hadn't really stood still about her physical appearance up to now. Sure he had seen her during senior staff meetings and the sorts, yet to see her here and now. It was different, revelating...

Re: Chapter 02: Supplemental [ Day 06 | 0032 hrs. ] The Shattered Cross

Reply #3
[ Ens. Cameron Henshaw | Fighter Assault Deck| SCO Office | Deck 16 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Nolan
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Of all the stupid questions I could ask, Cameron thought to herself, I had to ask that.

She didn't need to ask, really. Whether he told her true, or lied, she knew the man well enough from all the time they'd spent together during briefings and plannings. They'd all but shared minds as one on occasion, and short of performing mind melds with one another, it was unlikely that there was a lot the two didn't know about the other, which was sometimes a strange notion. Since the young woman had asked, she pursed her lips and let the man speak, allowing him all the time he needed to process and decide how he wanted to answer her.

Despite herself, she watched him, more in fascination for the process of getting in and out of that suit, at the moment, at least. She could appreciate his form easily, but her thoughts were distracted. Then he answered, and she watched him patiently. She cast a glance behind her, where the main locker room was, and the thought of how many of those lockers were now unused. They didn't even have one quarter their original squadron, and she closed her eyes to try and rein in her emotions, before reopening them to look at Thomas.

“Why?” asked Cameron in return, as if surprised he hadn't caught on to what she already had. But she spent most of the aftermath of that battle going through the replays of everything that transpired enough to reach the conclusion, and the reason for her coming here to personally apologize, empty though the gesture may be, given the immense losses suffered. Maybe she was just doing this to beat herself up, that was not entirely wrong, but it was certainly deserved. “Because, commander, most of the Wolves would still be alive if I had remembered my duty to all of you, and warned about the attack pattern I saw Chancellor Martok apply.”

She raised a hand, both to forestall protest against her being responsible for the deaths, or to plead with him not to agree immediately, “I went through the tactical review over and over the whole time before I came here...I recognized...the...movements of the Rotarran - granted, that was the fastest move I'd seen from a ship of that class and size - a-and if...if I had been faster, I...we...” she was less collected than she had thought, as the tears came out and her expression contorted, and she turned to point half-heartedly at the lockers. She buried her face in her palms as she sobbed, resting her elbows on her knees.

“I killed them!”

Re: Chapter 02: Supplemental [ Day 06 | 0032 hrs. ] The Shattered Cross

Reply #4
[ Lt Cmdr Thomas 'Razor' Ravon | Fighter Assault Deck| SCO Office | Deck 16 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Triage 

The eyes of the lieutenant commander rested on the ensign as she unveiled why she blamed herself for the immeasurable losses they had suffered today. His eyes narrowed as she spoke of recognizing and failing to report the attack pattern. He sighed softly as he let her continue as she raised her hand to forestall the protest he was bound to give. Thus he went behind his desk and sat down in the chair that once belonged to a far greater SCO in his mind.

He leaned forward and placed his elbows on the desk, masking his mouth and nose as he watched Cameron intently. His eyes never moving away from her as he just gazed at her. He saw the raw emotions escaping her now, the tears, the sobs. It would be a lie entirely if it didn't affect the pilot to see the young woman in the state she was in, yet he spoke up sternly as she blurted out that she was the one that killed them.

"Are you done?"

His voice was more authoritatively then compassionate, his eyes glaring towards her as he pushed himself back from his desk. His face unchanging emotion wise as he walked around the desk in silence and walked over to her "When did you notice the pattern? Mid battle? During the actual massacre of the pilots? Or did you notice it when watching the replays of the battle that had passed?" he asked her, his voice softer now yet still holding a rumble of something in it.

"In hindsight, things always look a lot clearer Cameron." he spoke up, this time more compassionate as he placed his hand over her shoulder and patted it. He slowly brought her back up to a standing posture as he gave her a hug "We knew the trouble we were getting ourselves into the moment we left this hangar. Each and every time we fly out there we risk our lives." he whispered before he let go of her "If it were the Borg instead of the Rotarran, we'd all be dead or worse." he admitted as his eyes looked over Cameron to the locker room "There is no point in taking the blame for the death of my pilots. I'm sure that if I watch the replays myself I'll find numerous ways in which I might've saved some of my pilots. Might being the key word here... You can't second guess what happened, it happened and there's no turning back. I can't look back and wonder if Miles would've done a better job today or not. I can't afford to look back and second guess every order or action I executed today. For if we do such a thing..." He paused as he shook his head as his eyes drifted over to the hangar bay.

"If I do that, I'll lose any credibility or any position to hold my rank as SCO for the wolves. One must be able to see and learn about their mistakes, yet never dwell upon them. That's what a wise squadron commander told me once." he concluded as he laid his eyes back on Cameron. "We can grief and mourn for our fallen... When the time is ripe, but for now... For now we need to keep our head in the game. We need to focus on the mission at hand." he said softly to her as he wiped some of the tears out of her face "Do you want something warm to drink?" he offered her as he looked into her eyes.

Re: Chapter 02: Supplemental [ Day 06 | 0032 hrs. ] The Shattered Cross

Reply #5
[ Ens. Cameron Henshaw | Fighter Assault Deck| SCO Office | Deck 16 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Nolan
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Get back in control, get back in control! Cam told herself frantically between sobs. She was falling apart, and one train of thought led to another. She was replaying her losses, all of them. Her sister, her father, her crewmates of the Harbinger, the Lone Wolves, Jien. It was all she could do to not collapse right there and curl up, go into a catatonia. She very much wanted to, she wanted someone to wake her and tell her it was all just a very long nightmare. She felt like her sanity and rationale was slipping from her, until she snatched it back with some difficulty.

Slowly she tried to reign in her emotions, and embarrassment took over. She'd let Thomas see how poorly she was doing in her state of mind, as opposed to him. As he spoke, she lifted her face from her palms, but she didn't look up, and concentrated on suppressing the hiccups and the convulsions of her shoulders. Wishing she had some of Sinead's training from Vulcans to suppress emotions, she found herself being gently coaxed to stand, and she fell easily into his embrace, willingly drawing what strength and support he offered, even though she felt it was undeserved.

Everything he was telling her was what she had more or less expected; it was one of the scenarios she'd played out in her head, where he chose to assure her that there was no way she could have known. But was that true? She sighed. “N-no, thanks.”, she said to his offer for a drink, “Y-you're...right, I-I guess...I'm sorry,” she backed up ever so slightly and lowered her head in shame, “But part of me is always going to believe that. I-I-I know better...I mean, you aren't...wrong, but,” she pointed to the side of her head, “I can't shake it...right now, I sup-suppose.”

She let out a breath, steadying herself, “I lost my nerve, lost whatever courage I had left in me. Everyone and everything I care about keeps dying or getting snatched away from me. Watching all of you...” she gestured to Thomas, “and-and-and now, even after all that, I mean, I know, you're hurting as much, if not more than I am, but I can't hold it inside me anymore, I can't...if I could take it all away, spare everyone from anymore pain...I'd do it, without hesitation. I'd do anything to have Jien...th-the Captain and those taken from us back.” She wiped a tear away distractedly, remembering a moment ago Thomas' fingers brushing them away, and she shook her head, smiling wanly.

“Do you know what Laminin is? It's like a natural glue in every cell in our body, that holds everything together. Its natural form is a cross.” She looked up at him, “I always thought of leaders like you as our Laminin. But now the cross is broken.” She sounded like she was almost about to break down again but she turned away from the man to look outside, to study the unused lockers. “I want them all back...I wish we can undo all the deaths and losses we have suffered. I shouldn't hope or wish for the impossible, b-but Captain Wenn came back from the dead, why can't others?”

Re: Chapter 02: Supplemental [ Day 06 | 0032 hrs. ] The Shattered Cross

Reply #6
[ Lt Cmdr Thomas 'Razor' Ravon | Fighter Assault Deck| SCO Office | Deck 16 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy ]
@Triage 

The young ensign sobbed and shook in his hold as Ravon rested his chin on her head. He offered silence and just the warm embrace that he thought she might be able to use. She declined his offer for a drink as she back up slowly, breaking away from his hold as he let go of her and placed his hands on his hips. She apologized once more as she lowered her head in shame. As she told him that it was a thought that was stuck in her head, the responsibility weighing through now of her job.

He still remained silent as he let her speak. He wasn't qualified to act as a counselor and he always found it hard in the past to speak those words that would make a person feel better. He personally never was a fan of people trying to cheer him up, people trying to comfort him with any losses he has had. He chose to channel those cropped up feelings out in the gym. Be it on practice dummies or on a punching bag, sometimes even while sparring. Yet now, he couldn't offer any of those options to Cam, he wasn't sure if she'd profit or get any help out of it.

"Cameron..." he started, choosing for the way of words. Hoping she'd not turn into a bigger wreck thanks to it "Everyone loses it at some point... There have been plenty of examples of that in the past. It..." he paused "It's okay to let those feelings go. To just unload all of it. Usually I suppose one does so at a person they trust, love or..." he wasn't sure where he was going with this "Anyway, I suppose I'm honored that you did so with me."

Did she really chose to do so with him though? Or was this just a circumstantial situation that spiraled out of control? Was he even handling this right?

"Bottom point... I think everyone would want the people back that we lost against the Versant." he whispered as he looked at the replicator. A damned drink would be a bloody good time right about now. In the meanwhile Cameron began to talk of Laminin. Ravon had no clue what she was on about, was it something people used to make floors on Terra? The ensign explained though what it was and Thomas nodded. He placed his hand on her shoulder and gave it a soft squeeze "If Laminin is glue that holds stuff together... It won't be people like me Cameron. It'll be people like you, every single crew member aboard this ship. You're what keeps this ship running, not the leaders of this ship. I mean, sure we guide and order them around, but without them, we'd just be separated cells."

As Cameron spoke of bringing back the dead he smiled faintly "As hard as it may sound Cam... Sometimes its better for the dead to stay dead. It shapes us to the persons we are... As much as it may hurt right now and will for a while, in the end... I think we'll come out of this stronger." he whispered to her as his eyes locked with hers.

I have to believe it.

Re: Chapter 02: Supplemental [ Day 06 | 0032 hrs. ] The Shattered Cross

Reply #7
[ Ens. Cameron Henshaw | Fighter Assault Deck| SCO Office | Deck 16 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Nolan
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Poor Thomas. Cameron realized she'd essentially, without so much as an ask of permission, unloaded on him like a ton of bricks. He was certainly handling it far better and she thought it was commendable personally, given his own ordeal. She watched him as he tried to articulate his empathy and compassion, and she couldn't help but laugh, a soft and yet appreciative laugh. “And I'm supposed to be the counselor,” said Cam with a roll of her eyes.

But she heard every word he said, how everyone had a breaking limit. She'd found hers. How it was not the leaders, but the crew or people like her that was the Laminin, and most importantly, how to let go. She sighed, knowing he was right. But she did wish it didn't all happen within the month. Still, she had to keep her head on straight, and set it all aside, until such a time as could be found when they could take some time to themselves to truly mourn, and deal in the best way possible under the current circumstances.

“I don't doubt that we can get stronger, that we can move on...that the pain becomes...bearable.” said Cam, “It's the journey there that's...difficult, right now.”

She took a breath, and studied the man before her, “Thank you, for listening, for...for being so strong. If I can ever return that favour and kindness, don't hesitate to knock, okay?” She glanced back at the Fighter launch bay and wondered aloud, “Maybe we should look into the history of current crew members with any flight experiences to consider for training and replacement of the lost pilots...”

It seemed too soon to talk so casually, but Cam had a reason. To protect this Vector, they needed the Wolves, and they didn't have time to cool heels. An attack could happen this very second, and they'd need all hands on deck as soon as possible.

Re: Chapter 02: Supplemental [ Day 06 | 0032 hrs. ] The Shattered Cross

Reply #8
[ Lt Cmdr Thomas 'Razor' Ravon | Fighter Assault Deck| SCO Office | Deck 16 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy ]
@Triage

The pilot smirked as he gave her a shrug when she had laughed softly and pointed out that she was supposed to be the counselor out of the two of them "Don't expect me to have you lay down in a sofa or anything fancy to talk more about your feelings. This was stretching it as far as I could push it." he joked as he chuckled "I'm a fighter, not a talker, not at heart at least." he shrugged once more as he looked over her and walked away from her and leaned against his desk in front of her.

"You'll be the first to hear of me Cameron." he smirked as she offered her own time to listen to him. If anything Ravon was even worse in then counseling it was probably talking to people. Or at least opening up to people he didn't know of. Some people triggered him to be more open to then others. Counselors however had a negative effect on him, though Cameron could perhaps be an exception to that rule.

Her suggestion to look at the records of crew members with flight experience made him shake his head "Valkyrie or Valravn training took years of flight performance and perfection. I doubt we'll find any suitable candidates, we can always look, but we'd need the time, space and fighter capabilities to train any rookies. Not to mention staff." he said to her as he followed her glance to the fighter bay "All of which I don't think we have any reserve on." He sighed softly "The remaining wolves will do what is needed to keep this vector safe. With whatever needs and means necessary. Sending out inexperienced pilots out there in ships we can't afford to lose would be a mistake in my opinion."

He saw merit in her plan though and he saw something that might help them in the future "If you want however... I have some free time on my hands right now. We can overlook our most used tactics and the favored tactics by myself. Counter tactics to enemy formations and reactions. It might not be a whole lot... But perhaps it'll be something that can improve your capabilities to help us out." he suggested as he looked Cameron in the eyes.

Re: Chapter 02: Supplemental [ Day 06 | 0032 hrs. ] The Shattered Cross

Reply #9
[ Ens. Cameron Henshaw | Fighter Assault Deck| SCO Office | Deck 16 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Nolan
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She laughed with him at his comment; a weak, strained, almost forced laugh, but she wanted to have something that she could laugh about, something that wasn't just crying in pain or feeling anguish. But the talk about the complete unavailability of replacement pilots, and the near-impossibility of training new recruits unless they had an existing background with Tactical Conn was sobering. Any smile she had was taken from her, and she nodded her head thoughtfully as he spoke.

She sincerely wished she could offer something more substantial and helpful to the man, in whose eyes she saw so much loss, beyond just what happened today.

But the man happened upon something just as valuable and helpful, and the girl brightened up. “I'd very much like that,” said Cameron, and she followed him to the Briefing station where they could use a tactical display to review data and tactics. They spent as much time as could be spared before weariness took over them both, and soon, she was bidding farewell and making her way to her quarters for much needed rest. The discussion yielded some useful results, and Cameron was confident in that next engagement, that she'd be ready, and less likely to miss a critical action.

They would be stronger.

- FIN

 
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