PRO: S [D01|1010] Fallout

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PRO: S [D01|1010] Fallout

November 20, 2020, 10:00:56 AM

“I have continued in my regime of morning meditation that I was practicing at the end of my former career and into my new one. Restarting it proved difficult initially but now that a week has passed, I am finding it easier to calm my mind and empty it as well as being able to maintain it for longer. I haven’t yet reached required daily time allotment as yet, but I am confident that I will be back to my former skill level within another week,” Donna dictated as she went through her morning stretching routine.

“In other news, the wolves are getting new exosuits. I’ve read some of the specs on them and they look like they’ll be a good upgrade. I’m not sure how long we will be remaining here at Aldea but my gut is telling me that it won’t be for much longer.” A chime sounded, telling Donna that someone was at her door. “Computer, end log entry,” she said called out as she climbed to her feet. Giving herself the once over to make sure she was decent, the pilot stepped over to her door and opened in, seeing Isel standing there.

“Isel, good morning,” she greeted her friend/lover. Their relationship had gone through several highs and lows since meeting again on the Dauntless and Donna had been meaning to clarify where they stood with each other. Which meant that she had deliberately been avoiding the conversation out of concern that she wouldn’t like what Isel said. She was about to say something about it when she saw the look on Isel’s face.

“What’s wrong?” Donna asked, her voice now full of concern. “What’s happened?”

Re: PRO: S [D01|1010] Fallout

Reply #1 – November 26, 2020, 01:48:46 AM

On the way to reach her friend's/lover's Quarter, Isel was particularly meditative. Indeed, there were too many things to talk about since what happened in Epsilon Minos System, last time Isel had properly spoke to Donna.

"At the first danger you need to talk with her," Isel thought while shaking her head. Her gaze settled on the ground for an instant while her white flurry tail stopped from moving at mid-high. She raised her look with a bitter smirk "And to get some clarified news from her fucking Admiral Anderson" Isel though again revealing her pronounced canines with an enraged expression and her tail began to move frantically.

The turbolift doors opened and an officer jumped seeing her face less cute than usual. Isel raised her gaze to show her indifference and dilating her nostrils; she didn't want to waste time with him as full of not so pleasant thoughts as she was.

Passed the officer, she crossed the 16th Deck to reach Donna's Personal Quarters. "Cool down Eira" She thought, lightly touching the door sensor. Isel took a long breath, and when the doors opened she gazed immediately into Donna's smile, tightening her own lips into a worried smile.

"I hate how much she is... wow" she thought at first instance with a more relaxed expression. Donna would certainly see how pleased Isel was to meet her at first sight.

"Donna... good morning," she hesitated for a moment, her tail ceasing it's harried movement. "I heard some... wait, let me in to talk, I'd prefer to discuss this... privately," She explained with a concerned voice. Her gaze was accentuated when she said privately.

"Or are you busy?" she asked with her eyebrows wrinkled, trying to look beyond Donna's form.

Re: PRO: S [D01|1010] Fallout

Reply #2 – December 06, 2020, 02:45:49 PM

Stepping aside, Donna’s mind began to race as she tried to anticipate what it was that Isel wanted to talk to her about. The Vulpinian seemed very out of sorts for this early in the morning and it unsettled Donna in a way that she couldn’t quite describe. Besides the usual visual cues that she was trained to read, Isel also had her tail and Donna had gotten pretty good at understanding it and what it could tell her about its owner’s state of mind. At first it had been agitated but now it was settled and calm, though whether that was unconscious or deliberate, Donna did not know.

“Please, come in,” Donna invited, theatrically waving her arm. “I was just finishing up a personal log entry. Something for posterity down the line,” she explained, shutting her door once Isel was through before moving back into the centre of the room. “Can I get you a drink or something?” Donna asked, stepping over to the replicator and where a cooling up of Tea was waiting. She had made it before beginning her log entry, enjoying the wafting scent of the fluid as she had stretched and spoke.

“Or is this a morning for directness?” Donna wondered silently, gazing at her lover and trying to think of what could have her so suddenly off balance.

Re: PRO: S [D01|1010] Fallout

Reply #3 – January 19, 2021, 10:14:23 PM

[ Ensign Isel “Foxfire” Nix | Donna’s Quarters | Deck 16 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Stegro88

Isel took a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself, forcing her voice to remain calm. ”I’ll have a coffee, if you’re buying.” She watched as Donna placed the order with the replicator, heard the whirring noise as the machine materialized the beverage, then turned away. The Vulpinian stepped closer to the viewport, her mismatched eyes staring out into the void beyond for a moment as the different coloured orbs reflected the multitude of glimmering stars beyond. She took another deep breath, though the whole breathing exercise thing didn’t seem to be doing her any fucking good. ”And while you’re at it, maybe I could get a side order of why the hell have you been avoiding me?” Isel turned away from the viewport, her gaze settling on her Human lover. ”After all the shit we’ve already been through, you order me to leave you for dead and then, when you come back alive, you avoid me for fucking weeks!” Isel’s top lip curled upwards reflexively, baring the Vulpinian’s prominent canines.

Realizing what she was doing, Isel schooled her features back to something she hoped was more normal, forcing her lip back down and unballing the fists she hadn’t realized she’d made at her sides.

Another deep breath. Then another.

”I’m sorry, Donna,” Isel said after a moment, her voice notably calmer yet still heated, ”but I’m really trying to understand. Is there something I did? Is this because Razor got pissed after I bit that stupid fucking Klingon? Because that thick-headed motherfucker had it coming!” Isel stepped closer, tilting her head up to look into Donna’s eyes. ”Or is it that you’re breaking things off with me and just hoping I’d take the hint?” Isel’s eyes shifted from Donna’s right eye to her left, then back, as though searching for the answer in them. Behind Isel her tail lashed back and forth in violent, jerking wags. ”Why, Donna? Because after some of the shit we've been through, not always by choice mind you, I think I have a right to some fucking answers.”

OOC: I'm taking some liberties with changing Isel's tone, etc, as I don't know what Augusteo had Isel being mad about.

Re: PRO: S [D01|1010] Fallout

Reply #4 – January 21, 2021, 03:56:14 PM

"Coffee it is,” Donna acknowledged, moving towards her replicator. Ordering the beverage, Donna continued to wonder what had bright Isel to her door so early in the morning. Something was off with the Vulpinian, she had spent enough time around Isel to know as much, but she held herself back from trying to presume what it was that had her so off kilter. Her gut was telling her that whatever came next would be important to their future and that she needed to be as honest as she could be. Preconceived answers to unasked questions would only make things worse.

The coffee had barely materialised before Isel began to speak again, her words drawing Donna’s attention like a lightning rod as their eyes met from across the room. Isel was upset, no, she was much more than that, Donna realised when she could see Isel baring her fangs. Isel seemed to realise what she was doing as she forced herself to calm down, something Donna believed was more for appearances sake than anything else given that outburst. The Vulpinian before her, her lover, last she had checked, continued on in a calmer tone, outlining what she wanted to know, what answers she need, in a clearer way so that everything would make sense. It was something that Donna greatly appreciated.

“I am the one that should be apologising Isel,” Donna began, setting her drink down so that her hands were empty. “You have done nothing wrong. He definitely deserved the bite, and more, that you gave him and I think that Razor was just pissed because you made a mess when you did it,” Donna said, her mind flashing back to the looks on everyone’s faces as Isel had jumped the lanky Klingon. It brought a smile to her face.

“And I am definitely no breaking up with you,” she clarified. “I know we aren’t exactly monogamous with each other, I thought that was something we both were happy with, but if you want to, I will make it you and only you.” She meant it too, Donna realised at her own proclamation. If Isel wanted her to sleep with no one but her, Donna would do it in a heartbeat. She’d miss it, that was true, but for Isel’s love, it would not be a sacrifice.

“You do deserve an answer,” Donna admitted, trying to think of how to explain things. “I just, I wasn’t sure how to tell you.” Now was the time, Donna knew. She had to try and explain things now before Isel got the wrong idea. She had promised the Vulpinian no more secrets and she had held true to that, if a little loosely, by avoiding her so that she didn’t have to lie. But that was not an option now.

“You know of my past, and the things I have done, and to who,” Donna said, trying to stay as calm as she could. “And I thought that I was done with my past, that it could neither hurt me, nor haunt me anymore than I allowed it too,” she went on, slowly getting to the crux of the matter.

“Turns out my past doesn’t want to let me go that easily.”

Re: PRO: S [D01|1010] Fallout

Reply #5 – January 22, 2021, 08:05:10 PM

[ Ensign Isel “Foxfire” Nix | Donna’s Quarters | Deck 16 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Stegro88
[Show/Hide]

Isel stepped forward as Donna spoke, the Human starting with an apology. The Vulpinian took up the drink which Donna had set down and retreated, perching herself on the arm of the couch, lifting the mug and taking a sip of her coffee as Donna spoke. Isel’s lips curling into a slight smile as Donna said she though Arsetop had deserved the bite, and that Ravon had just been mad about the mess Isel had made. Isel chuckled at that as she felt some of her anger abate, casting a brief, amused glance at Donna over the rim of her mug. ”I have always been good at making a mess…”

Isel took another long sip as Donna went on to insist that she wasn’t breaking up their relationship. She claimed that, while she had thought they were both happy with the current arrangement, she would commit to only Isel if that was what Isel wanted. Isel had been raising her mug for another sip, though she paused at that, the mug hovering an inch in front of her face, her eyes fixed on the surface of the dark liquid within. She had not been expecting that, having genuinely believed that Donna was avoiding her in an attempt to distance herself from Isel. The distance, she assumed, was a precursor to a break up. This new revelation was wholly unexpected, and caused Isel to hesitate.

Donna was speaking again, she realized, and she raised her gaze to peer at Donna from behind the ceramic shield of her mug. Donna spoke of her past, of the fact that Isel knew about it, and the fact that she thought she had left it behind.

”Turns out my past doesn’t want to let me go that easily.”

”I know a thing or two about that…” Isel said softly, her mind casting back to the events which had brought her aboard the Theurgy in the first place. ”I suppose that’s something we have in common…” Isel took another long sip of coffee, buying herself time to think. She didn’t blame Donna for what she had done back on the Dauntless, aware as she was now that it had been Andersson who had forced Donna’s hand, though the betrayal still stung.

Isel pushed those thoughts away, instead focusing on what Donna had said. ”So… what is it from your past that won’t let go of you?” Isel’s eyes narrowed. ”Is it that shitbag Andersson again?”

Isel shifted herself so that her left hip rested on arm of the sofa, her tail hanging down to swish back and forth as she considered what Donna had told her. ”I’m not trying to ignore what you said about us, but I need to know what’s going on… what’s really going on… before I can know my answer.” Isel drained the rest of her coffee, then lowered the hand holding the mug to rest on her lap, her eyes looking down into he empty cup. ”It’s difficult to know about a relationship when the other person has been avoiding you like the plague.” Isel sighed, then raised her mismatched gaze to meet Donna’s. ”I know about being haunted by the past about as well as anyone else aboard this ship. You should have known you could talk to me about it, even if you didn’t know exactly what to say.” The heat had gone form Isel’s words by this point, the Vulpinian’s tone sounding more sad than anything else. ”So… let’s hear it.”

Re: PRO: S [D01|1010] Fallout

Reply #6 – January 26, 2021, 03:57:35 AM

Donna was taken aback at the vehemence with which Isel said Admiral Anderson’s name though she shouldn’t have been. After what the Admiral had done to coerce Isel’s assistance in their getting aboard the Theurgy in the first place, Donna wasn’t exactly proud of her long association with the man. It was only the reasons behind the coercion, and the knowledge that that coercion had been a smokescreen to gain the Vulpinian’s assistance, that Donna could continue to trust what the man said.

“Emotions can make you do irrational things,” Donna proclaimed, her voice and tone sounding more like she was reciting something by rote rather than offering an explanation. “It was something they taught us back in Intelligence. When undercover, you had to become, truly become, that who you were pretending to be. It was all too easy for a Betazoid, or a rogue Vulcan, or some other telepathic being to come along and blow the whole mission because you were saying one thing while your mind was telling a different story.”

“The problem with putting that much belief into something, into filling out an identity so completely,” Donna went on, her tone becoming more worried as she tried to figure out a way to explain her situation without making it worse. “That identity can come alive,” she revealed. “Truly alive. And if the operative was skilled enough, then that new persona, that new personality, would be as real and as solid as the agent’s own self.”

“That’s what happened to me,” Donna declared, her previously roaming eyes locking onto Isel’s now. “I took the worst persona I could come up with and I gave them life. And then, after trying to lock her away so that she could never bother me ever again, I thought I had killed her,” Donna said sombrely.

“Only, Max didn’t stay dead. And now she wants out.”

Re: PRO: S [D01|1010] Fallout

Reply #7 – January 27, 2021, 11:08:14 PM

[ Ensign Isel “Foxfire” Nix | Donna’s Quarters | Deck 16 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Stegro88
[Show/Hide]

Isel listened in silence as Donna spoke, the Vulpinian finding herself surprised by what she was hearing. She wasn’t sure what she had expected when they had entered into this conversation, but this certainly hadn’t been it. The shorter woman’s eyes watched Donna carefully as the Human had given her explanation, and not her lips curled into a slight smile.

”Max, huh?” Isel knew Donna had had a number of aliases over her years in Intelligence, but it was still interesting to hear a new name. ”And I take it this Max was a rather interesting character?” Isel rose from where she had been perched on the couch and made for the replicator, first recycling her mug and then ordering a new coffee before she glanced at Donna. ”Refill while I’m here?”

Once the drinks had been replaced, Isel returned to her perch on the couch and eyed Donna with interest as she blew on the surface of the steaming hot liquid. ”I understand the concept of living your legend. Things can be rather… hazardous… if you falter.” Isel sipped the bitter liquid and sighed appreciatively before she continued. ”We caught one of Starfleet Intelligence’s operative who had tried to infiltrate our organization once.” Isel gave Donna a wink. ”Betazoids are a real bitch to try and pass that shit off with. That’s how we caught the guy.” Isel hesitate. ”Things… didn’t go so well for him…” If Isel recalled correctly, it had taken several rounds in the showers to get all the blood out of her fur. She had been overly eager to please Analla, having only recently been freed, and had gotten a little carried away. Even Analla had seemed shocked at the brutal mauling.

Pushing that thought from her mind, Isel took another sip then set her mug down on the coffee table. ”And I know what you mean about becoming the person. Remember lover,” Isel winked at Donna again, ”Isel Nix is an alias, too. Just a more permanent one.' Isel chuckled. "Your people gave me a bit of training in living the alias before I was allowed to enter the Academy. Too many possibilities for telepaths to sneak a peek.” Isel tapped the side of her head to emphasize what she meant.

She stood up then, crossing her arms under her chest as she took a deep breath. ”So, who exactly is this Max? And how long has this been going on for? And…” Isel hesitated. ”What does that mean for us?”

Re: PRO: S [D01|1010] Fallout

Reply #8 – January 28, 2021, 01:38:57 PM

“Please,” Donna requested when Isel asked if she wanted a refill. Sipping her tea after blowing on it, Donna listened to Isel recall capturing an agent once and her offhand comment about it not going well for him. She was almost tempted to ask how badly it had been but decided against it. No need to relive more of the past than either of them needed to. Isel reminded her that Isel Nix, the person, was also an alias, much like Donna Petterson was. Neither of them was the person they were from before joining the Academy, for the second time in Donna’s case.

“Maxine ‘Max’ Gentry was the worst, in my opinion, of all the identities I created and brought to life during my stint as an operative. She was mean, callous, greedy and self-caring to the core. She was an arms dealer that dabbled in pretty much everything else, from slaves to murder for hire,” Donna explained, shuddering as memories from her missions washed over her. “What made her the worse though, was how easy it was to become her. She was me, just in a bad way. Towards the end, I began to wonder where I stopped, and Max started. And I enjoyed being her.”

“At first I just thought it was bad memories resurfacing because of the stress of trying to get aboard the Theurgy,” Donna began, trying to focus. “But it kept on getting worse. I started realising that I was doing things that I wouldn’t normally do, but Max would, without thinking about it. After the Klingons took us, I blacked out for a bit and when I came too, I felt different. I was still me, but I felt less.”

“Back on the ship, during our medical checks, I was trying to mend fences with Amelya when Max came up. If you recall, Max did some terrible things to Amelya during that mission,” Donna said. “I explained to her what I am telling you now. That I am scared about Max escaping. She blackmailed me into seeking help for it. And, truthfully, I needed the help.”

“But it scared me too. I know what Max is capable of and I don’t want her to hurt you. That’s why I’ve kept my distance. Until I can make sure she is back in her cage for good, or better yet, dead, I am scared she will escape and hurt you, and others,” Donna revealed, gazing into the Vulpinian’s eyes. “I love you, Isel Nix. And I can’t bear the thought of losing you, especially to something I created.”

Re: PRO: S [D01|1010] Fallout

Reply #9 – February 01, 2021, 11:36:09 PM

[ Ensign Isel “Foxfire” Nix | Donna’s Quarters | Deck 16 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Stegro88
[Show/Hide]

From what Isel was hearing, Maxine Gentry was little better than anyone in the syndicate. Likely that was what had made her such an effective cover, though the former syndicate member had to wonder if Starfleet Intelligence was any better than those they were trying to work against if they went to those lengths to infiltrate criminal organizations. Isel couldn’t care less about gun running or murder, hell, Isel herself had been involved in everything Donna had just mentioned, though slave trading was what had prompted her to leave the syndicate.

Isel listened as Donna raised her concerns about what Max was capable of, and what she might do. She didn’t want to hurt Isel. Isel had to fight back the urge to smile as Donna mentioned that Dr. Rez had blackmailed her into seeking help, the Vulpinian biting back a stinging comment about karma. Isel may not be known for holding her tongue, but the current situation was enough to deal with without her mouth getting her into more trouble. Donna continued, explaining that she had been avoiding Isel because she was scared, and because she was worried about something happening to Isel.

”So…” Isel said slowly, pausing to take a breath before she continued. ”…you’ve been avoiding me to protect me.” Isel uncrossed her arms, her hands falling to her sides. ”And you didn’t think that maybe, just maybe, it might be a good idea to tell me about all this before I had to hunt you down and drag the truth out of you?” Isel raised her hands and started counting off points on her fingers. ”You’re losing yourself to some psycho dirtbag ex-identity… Doctor Rez knows, but I wasn’t supposed to… You’ve been avoiding me… now you’re telling me it’s for my own good…” Isel let her hands drop again and shook her head, then reached up to brush hair out of her face, her brows furrowed.

”We agreed that there would be no more secrets between us, Donna. No more lies. And yeah, you may not have lied to me about what’s going on, but spending weeks avoiding me so you won’t have to tell me is the definition of keeping it a fucking secret. So please, Donna, explain how I’m supposed to trust you now…” Isel let her hand fall free of her hair, her expression conflicted. ”…because your actions aren’t exactly filling me with fucking confidence right now. And after everything else that’s happened between us…” Isel's voice caught, her mismatched eyes glancing up at the cieling as she scrubbed at a tear which escaped down her cheek with the back of her hand. ”…I don’t know how much more of this shit I can deal with, Donna...”

Re: PRO: S [D01|1010] Fallout

Reply #10 – February 03, 2021, 01:10:33 AM

Tears began to form at the corner of her eyes as Donna listened to Isel’s censure of her, knowing that it was sorely due. She had sought to protect Isel, fearing that having to deal with her possibly meeting and interacting with Max if she escaped would be the end of whatever was left of their relationship. Instead, in trying to protect the woman she loved more than anything, she was driving her away. There was a sort of brutal irony to that, a circumstance oft repeated in fiction through the ages yet was never learnt from. It was considered a fable and people would say ‘I won’t act that way’. And yet, they always did. Donna herself was just another in a long, long line of idiots throughout time and she had no doubts that there would be many more to come in her future.

“I don’t know if you should trust me, Isel,” Donna said, her heart breaking as she spoke. The truth, she had been taught, was a scalpel that always hurt when it was used. It was only up to the wielder who, when and on whom it was used. Would they use it as a weapon to harm or as a tool to heal? Donna didn’t know which she was. “I don’t trust me anymore. I wanted to protect you and all I did was hurt you more. The opposite of what I meant to do.”

“I didn’t go to Amelya about Max. It came up while we were discussing my treatment from the Klingons. Given she has experienced the depravity that Max is capable of, it seemed like a good idea and I needed the help. I want Max locked back up, more than anything, because if she gets loose, I don’t know what she will do,” Donna reasoned. Now it was down to it. What would Isel do? What should Donna say? Would Isel stay?

“I don’t want to see you hurt Isel, now or in the future. But I cannot say that I won’t hurt you again. With everything happening as it is with me now, I don’t know what the future holds for me, not to mention us,” Donna said, trying not to say what her mind was telling her to say. Her heart was rebelling at the thoughts, but Donna was almost seeing her internal division from a third-party perspective. Which side would win out?

“I just don’t know anymore.”

Re: PRO: S [D01|1010] Fallout

Reply #11 – February 03, 2021, 04:28:42 PM

[ Ensign Isel “Foxfire” Nix | Donna’s Quarters | Deck 16 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Stegro88
[Show/Hide]

Donna’s words repeated in Isel’s mind, sounding to the Vulpinian like a knell tolling out a slow, solemn note as if to announce a death. The death of their trust... Their love…

Their entire relationship…

”I just don’t know anymore”

Isel’s hands hung at her sides as she stared straight ahead for a long moment, her eyes not seeming to be focused in the room where the two women stood. In her mind’s eye she saw snippets of their past together. Their first meeting at the Academy, their reunion aboard the Dauntless, Donna’s surprise message form Andersson, their defection…

They had come so far…

And now this was it.

Isel blinked, turning her gaze to stare at the other woman, all hostility and anger having seeped out of her with the realization that this, all of this, was coming to an end. All that was left now was sadness, at their loss of time, their loss of trust, their loss of them.

”If you don’t know…” Isel said slowly, her mismatched eyes staring into Donna’s from across the room, ”if I can trust you… if Max will hurt me… or what the future holds…” Isel hesitated, noticing her voice had started to shake. She made an effort to steady her speech as she continued. ”If you don’t know, then I think I do.” Isel took a deep breath, the intake of air as unsteady as her voice had been a moment earlier, a shuddering breath. She had to fight to keep herself in check, to the keep tears and sobs at bay. ”If I can’t trust you, Donna, then I can’t do this.” Isel spread her hands, as if taking in the whole room, their whole relationship. ”Any of this. I’m sorry Donna, I just… I can’t…” Isel dropped her hands, then her gaze, unable to meet Donna’s eye. The tears had started to stain her cheeks, and she scrubbed at them roughly in frustration. Isel moved, without looking up, to the door. She punched the button with a shaking finger, then turned her head as the doors whooshed open, looking over her shoulder though not quite meeting Donna’s eye.

”I’m sorry...”

Then she stepped out through the door, turned down the corridor, and was gone.

Re: PRO: S [D01|1010] Fallout

Reply #12 – February 04, 2021, 03:40:31 PM

What started as a trickle began to flow more as Isel turned to face her. Donna knew the look in Isel’s eyes, the way her stance and tail shifted when she had made a decision. She had seen it so many times before that it was second nature for her to be able to tell when the Vulpinian settled on what she was going to do. Only this time, Donna didn’t want her to choose the path she had set before Isel. She wanted her lover to be in her life, to hope that her presence would stave off the threat against her mind, but she couldn't risk it. If Max got free, the Isel was the first person that her alter ego would target to hurt her.

So she stood there, looking at the tears descending down Isel’s cheeks as the Vulpinian spoke to her, telling her what Donna had surmised was the likeliest outcome of their meeting. Not for the first time she cursed her ability to anticipate how situations would play out as Isel’s gaze fell away from Donna’s, her hands coming up to scrub at the tears on her cheeks. Without a word, her lover headed to the Door and Donna found herself unable to move, unable to speak as the door was unsealed and Isel paused in the opening, looking back in her direction.

“I’m sorry...”

The words were the death knell of what they had; what Donna had wrought unto ruin. As the door to her quarters closed on the space voided by Isel in her departure, Donna turned to look out the window. Catching sight of her reflection, the pilot wondered who it was that was looking back at her from the window’s surface. Donna, or Max.

Shaking off the thoughts at the chime from her PADD, Donna moved over to it and lifted it up to see the cause of the notification. What she saw, scared her as she watched a green wave wash across a city she soon recognised as Paris.

“Oh shit.”

~FIN~