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CH05: S [D03|1830] Decision Point

Chapter 05: Supplemental [ Day 03 | 1830 hrs. ] Decision Point

[ Cmdr Carrigan Trent | Captain's Ready Room | Deck 01 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Auctor Lucan

While he had been thinking over the implications of the meeting he had just had with Zyrao Natauna, Trent's console notified him that a report had come in.  He had been standing by the window, watching the play of the light of stars being shifted by their travel at warp speed, but the sound drew him back to his desk and, even as he seated himself, he accessed the inbox to see that what had come in had been the casualties list he had been expecting.  That was not reading he wanted to deal with, but that was, unfortunately, part of his job.  He had to know who was missing, and just how short-handed various departments would be. 

And, compiled by Lieutenant Commander Dewitt as it had been, he knew it would be efficiently delivered, and the summary page would give him at least the broad lines of what he was dealing with. 

Their losses were heavy.  Not so much due to battle injuries as they had been to personnel who had been taken by the Savi.  Of course, some of the figures had a degree of uncertainty to them due to the fact there was no way to know for certain how the other Vectors had fared with those of their crews who had been injured or killed in battle, but it was a place to start. 

And, true to her normal efficiency, Jennifer had given each department its own section to describe their losses, and he was perusing the list when he stopped reading, his eyes locked on a single line.  McMillan, Heather, PWO: reported taken by Savi from the Sabine.

"No."  The word came out into the empty room, heavy with disbelief and fear.  "Computer, located Heather McMillan."  And, in a soulless variant of Thea's voice the computer gave a reply he dreaded.  "Heather McMillan is not on board."  Trent could feel his heart start to pound within his chest, his breathing growing faster.  "Computer, are there any Radiant lifesigns on this ship?".  And, the dreaded answer.  "Negative."  And then, one more question.  "Computer, when was the last contact with Heather McMillan? Does... does the time index correlate with anything else?" 

The computer's reply was one that made the Commander sag in his seat, as if the sinews keeping him fully upright had all failed at the same time.  "Heather McMillan was last detected on auxiliary craft Sabine prior to docking.  She stopped registering on onboard sensors and within the communications network at the same time as several other crewmembers went missing."

"No."  The words were spoken with an uncommon incredulity, one heavily laden with fear and pain.  "No!"  Trent's eyes closed as tears started to well in their corners, his mouth pressed into a thin, bloodless line.  "NOOOO!"  Rage.  Fear.  Hate.  Raw anguish.  So many emotions that were always under such tight control were flooding to the surface that they overwhelmed his calm and his face, in the privacy of the Ready Room, were contorted into shapes that very few had ever seen. 

For long moments, he allowed himself time to cry, to rail to the heavens for their cruelty.  He had just found love in the arms of the little Radiant, a love he could not live without anymore.  And it had been taken from him.  But, as he started to compose himself again, his mind started to work anew and, before long, he knew what needed doing.  Oh, he had considered it but now there was only one course of action left open to him.  And he needed to talk to someone.  And, as it turned out, there was only one person he could trust with this right now.  Taking a few moments to steady his breathing, he tapped his console.  "Commander Dewitt to my Ready Room, if you please." 

And, as he waited, he rubbed the tears that still left tracks upon his cheeks, but he knew there would be little to do to hide his reddened, somewhat swollen eyes.

Re: Chapter 05: Supplemental [ Day 03 | 1830 hrs. ] Decision Point

Reply #1 –
[ Lieutenant Commander Jennifer Dewitt | Main Bridge > Captain's Ready Room | Deck 01 | Vector 01 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @CanadianVet
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After getting the message where she was seated in the CO chair on the bridge, Dewitt finished her written orders to Security and Medical before getting up. She did not know that Trent wanted, and but with the help from F'Rell, there had been no sighting of Savi fighters for the past thirty minutes. They might yet reappear, but if they did, they would be ready.  They were due to enter a less irradiated part of the nebula, which would allow them to use their regular shield modulation to about 30 %.

"Mister Marquez, you have the conn," she said and tugged her jacket straight over the front of her torso, then she turned to enter the CO Ready Room - which Trent had already moved to after the protocol had been executed. When she entered, she saw the acting Captain sitting by the desk, and she folded her hands behind her back, even less sure what might have happened when she saw the odd look on Trent's face. She couldn't quite place it, but if she didn't know him better, she'd say he'd been crying.

"You called, Captain?" she asked, remaining standing. She was beginning to feel more grounded after the battle against the Savi, having had a near death experience along with the rest of the crew when the Savi dreadnought fired its barrage of torpedoes at them. If it hadn't been for the Lone Wolves, she was certain that one of those tri-cobalt torpedoes had made it through the point-defence system, and that would have been the last thing they saw.

In all honestly, she was not entirely sure it was all a bad dream - that she would wake up on the Opal again.

Re: Chapter 05: Supplemental [ Day 03 | 1830 hrs. ] Decision Point

Reply #2 –
[ Cmdr Carrigan Trent | Captain's Ready Room | Deck 01 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Auctor Lucan

So far as Trent was concerned, it was a good thing his XO knew to just enter when called into his office for a meeting.  Because if she had used the door chime, he did not trust his voice to be sufficiently steady to answer it.  It had indeed taken him almost all of his self-control to muster himself sufficiently to call for her in the first place.  And, having just done it, he had been left with just enough time to think, and fear.  And feel. 

And now, he just did not quite know how to actually say what he needed, what he wanted to.  This was a strange feeling, a terrifying one, to be so heavily crippled by doubt that he could not organize his thoughts.  Especially for a man who prided himself on his ability to remain calm under just about any kind of stress.  But then again, he had also never been so deeply emotionally involved with a situation.  "Please, have a seat." 

His voice quivered, and he took a deep breath.  "Jennifer, this might be a strange question to ask you, but when I asked for your surrender, were you conflicted about it?  Did you feel like one way or another, you had to compromise yourself no matter which decision you would make?"

Re: Chapter 05: Supplemental [ Day 03 | 1830 hrs. ] Decision Point

Reply #3 –
[ Lieutenant Commander Jennifer Dewitt | Captain's Ready Room | Deck 01 | Vector 01 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @CanadianVet
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Not knowing what she was most surprised with - the question or the way it was asked - Jennifer had to give it a moment of thought before answering. She took the offered seat, stopped thinking about the reason why Trent would pose the question and thought back on that tumultuous day instead.

"During the first months after the Theurgy fled Earth, the staff on the Black Opal and I were fed coverage by the Federation News Network about the hunt for the Theurgy, who's Captain and crew had allegedly defected to the Romulans, or the A.I. had killed everyone aboard, replacing the crew with holograms. As outrageous as this seemed, there had been images of the surviving crews after engagements with the Theurgy, dead and grievously wounded, and witness accounts. Feeds of the aftermath, clouds of debris from destroyed starships. Grieving family members. It was quite convincing, even if we knew not the circumstances of the battles. Needless to say, the subject was debated on the Black Opal, but the general consensus was that there couldn't be so much smoke without a fire."

She felt she had to frame her reply that way, so that she knew where she'd be coming from when she told him what she'd been thinking. "You promised me humane terms-of-surrender, and while it did not sit right with me, I recognised a single option scenario when she saw one. I had no alternatives, and my last resort was to accept the terms and hope for survival on behalf of my crew and myself. I could not fathom how I was supposed to think the Theurgy's captain and crew would have a just cause, but the alternative was to fight a battle to the death against impossible odds."

Jennifer shifted in her seat, the memory not kind. "So, I accepted your dubious terms of surrender, and I gave the cease-fire... hoping that Ives were a officer of hir word, and that you'd held up to the promises you made me. I had no other choice, did I? Even when I thought you were forcing my hand in making me surrender, I still had to order my officers to lower their weapons, hoping there was more to this 'Captain Ives' than we'd been told to expect, and that the you hadn't made me order my personnel to their deaths. It was either hope for survival, promised by infamous traitors... or certain death. It was, admittedly, the toughest choice in my career as an officer."

She looked at Trent now, wondering why he'd asked her to bring it up.

Re: Chapter 05: Supplemental [ Day 03 | 1830 hrs. ] Decision Point

Reply #4 –
[ Cmdr Carrigan Trent | Captain's Ready Room | Deck 01 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Auctor Lucan

"I know the kind of coverage you received.  And what's worse, I was Admiral Sankolov's staff intelligence officer; I had to provide suitably declassified material to Public Affairs for distribution to the news networks."

Trent has listened carefully to what Dewitt was saying.  Indeed, he had noticed it had not been an easy choice for her to make when he had offered terms of surrender in person.  And, frankly, if he hadn't suspected the whole thing was heavily cooked up from the start, and hadn't been personally involved within Theurgy herself, he might have a very hard time in believing it.  And, that also meant other Starfleet officer, who would only know how Theurgy had carved a bloody swath through Starfleet assets sent against them, or when they deliberately launched attacks on Federation assets. 

And, he certainly recognized the signs his XO was giving out; this was not an easy set of memories to revisit, and while he did not regret dredging those up per se, he was not relishing it either.  "Command is a game of choices and decision, and there will always come times when one has to pick between a number of less than palatable options." 

However, this was not Trent giving a lecture; it was him stating a simple truth to someone else who'd had to make the tough call.  "And there comes times when there are no right or wrong decision to be made by simple virtue that all the options on the table are equally unpalatable if in different ways, and either will leave a stain on your honour.  Now, the question is, which one do you make?"  Trent then looked up and met her gaze.  And, for a man so used to being in tight control of how he presented himself, giving away nothing whenever he was on duty, his eyes were clearly laden with anguish, fear, and doubt.  "On one hand, I have Captain Ives' orders to continue with our mission, and on the other I have our shipmates who were taken by the Savi and who are counting on the Starfleet ethos and this crew's loyalty to one another to not leave them behind.  Which one do I follow?"

Re: Chapter 05: Supplemental [ Day 03 | 1830 hrs. ] Decision Point

Reply #5 –
[ Lieutenant Commander Jennifer Dewitt | Captain's Ready Room | Deck 01 | Vector 01 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @CanadianVet
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If Jennifer hadn't fully realised what kind of position she now held, that was the moment when she knew for certain - that her judgement and advise wasn't only called upon, but might even come to turn the mission on its head. It didn't help in the slightest that her own personal shortcomings were glaring at her from the past, in how she'd barely been able to stop drinking. It was what had helped her function on the Opal, but it was a severe detriment when serving on the Theurgy. Even then, as she sat there, she wanted to douse her worries.

She glanced down, frowning, and tried to rationalise her thinking for Trent's benefit. "Ethical dilemmas, or moral dilemmas, are always situational, but the options never resolve the situation in an acceptable way. Neither of our options will be satisfactory for us. It's the inherent nature of such situations." In the Academy, they were all taught in normative ethics, which dealt with how fledgling officers could figure out the correct moral action that they should take. Yet the words of neither Socrates nor John Stuart Mill would help them now. "In the end, we must always look at the bigger picture, and not step in the mire of what we want for ourselves. If you would ask any one aboard what we should do - save those we lost to the Savi or continue the mission - they will answer depending on their bravery, their commitment to the cause, or whether or not they lost someone dear to them."

Was that it? Jennifer did a double take, thinking she just realised what might have happened. She had heard rumours about the First Offi - the Captain - and a provisional warrant officer in the Science Department, but after having spent years on the Opal, she was quite fed up with the gossip mills about relationships among the crew. She had heard it all, lies and half-truths, and despised the very nature of gossip. Incessantly, crews gossiped. People were insecure, so they would talk about other people so that they wouldn't be talked about. They pointed out flaws in other members of the crew to make them feel good about themselves. She had begun to think that at any ship, and starbase, any age or any department, gossip was always present, and she loathed it with a vengeance. So, she would not ascribe any merit to the idea that Carrigan Trent did - or didn't - sleep with that science officer. Not until he told her himself. Nonetheless, it could be the reason why he was personally conflicted about the right course of action.

"In my regard, the Continuance Protocol was created for exactly this reason," she heard herself say, her voice quiet but true. She did not wish to cause offence, or grief, but it needed to be said. "At the point where the threat to the ship and crew is grave enough, and the truth might die with us, we are now supposed to survive, and to look ahead. To find a way, and complete the mission no matter what. The execution of the protocol was the decision, and it was already made by Captain Ives for us, to guide us in the right direction when the threat is so paramount."

Her words felt empty, and callous. If she was right, who was she to tell this man to abandon the woman he'd lost? No, she could not sympathise with his personal stakes, even if she felt for him in such a loss. If he had, indeed, lost someone dear to him, she had to say it. "If we try to get them back, we'll probably die trying, and we would not only have failed Ives, but everyone else out there who needs to know. This... is my advise."

Was there any way she could soothe his hurt, she wondered?

Re: Chapter 05: Supplemental [ Day 03 | 1830 hrs. ] Decision Point

Reply #6 –
[ Cmdr Carrigan Trent | Captain's Ready Room | Deck 01 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Auctor Lucan 

In Trent's view, an Executive Officer was not just the person looking after the ship's day to day operations and readiness.  That individual was the Captain's closest advisor and sounding board.  The one person from whom, in private at least, disagreement with the Captain was not only permissible but sometimes even encouraged at times.  And the XO was also the only person in which the Captain could confide any doubt he might have.  Because no one else could be allowed to know their commander was not as certain as certain could be. 

And now, he even wondered if he's been wise to have brought Dewitt in on his state of mind.  Make a decision, any decision, was his mantra.  And now he was paralyzed, unable to make one.  And he remembered what he had told Natalie Star about helplessness; and while he faced no hard constraints, he was unable to come up with something firm on his own.

No, he had made the call already.  Even if it would appear that Jennifer Dewitt and he were not on the same page where it comes to this.  She advocated leaving the crew behind and continuing on, and that was simply not something he could countenance.  "Someone once told me that a compromise has been reached when no one leaves happy," Trent said quietly.  And, in the corners of his eyes, tears started to shimmer before he blinked them away hard. 

"And I also have to take the crew into consideration.  Oh, I have no doubt they'll follow orders, but only up to a point.  I wasn't here myself for much of it, but this crew has suffered a long, long string of crises and defeats.  And since I came on board, there was the Vasser mutiny, the Devoted, the failure at Starbase 84, the fact that a trusted member of the crew betrayed us all, and now being forced to run from the Savi, Protocol or no, to save ourselves after they stole not just a critical component of this ship but also members of our crew, after they disabled us without even breaking a sweat."  Oh yes, the list was long for such a short time.  And, truth be told, it was wearing on Trent as well.  "This crew's morale is already fragile, and too many are near, or even past their breaking point.  Our missing crewmembers, if we abandon them, if I abandon them, it would be no different than if I had murdered them all myself in their eyes.  The crew will shatter, and then the mission will fail."

Trent closed his eyes for a moment, and took several deep breaths.  He needed to steel himself for what was to come, but it was a long time coming, and when he reopened his eyes, he could not hide his own personal anguish, despite saying all the right words to support his decision.  "Facing the Versant again is a daunting idea, but with some preparation and the element of surprise, I think we can take them.  Or at least make a serious attempt at getting our people back.  It is the least we can do, and if we get driven off after giving it everything we can... then at the very least honour will be satisfied... for enough people."

"And I know what the Protocol says, and that I would be going directly against Captain Ives' orders; and it doesn't sit well with me either.  But this is a situation in which either way, my honour will not survive intact.  But if I must stain it, I'd rather it be in a way that will let me look at myself in the mirror afterwards."

For a moment, he looked down at his hands on the table, then back up at Dewitt's eyes.  "Jennifer, this can never leave this room, you understand?  I have no idea if I'm doing the right thing.  I've always advocating that a commander's job was to make a decision, any decision. And so far, it's always been fairly clear-cut, even when it wasn't."  Visions of the Harrier's last fight ran behind his eyes, and hints of terror, grief, anger and no small amount of sheer cold determination, came through.  "I need you to inform the crew that I intend to go after our people, so we have a crew that'll be able to complete our mission."

Re: Chapter 05: Supplemental [ Day 03 | 1830 hrs. ] Decision Point

Reply #7 –
[ Lieutenant Commander Jennifer Dewitt | Captain's Ready Room | Deck 01 | Vector 01 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @CanadianVet
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"Jennifer, this can never leave this room, you understand?  I have no idea if I'm doing the right thing."

During the whole time Trent had been speaking, Jennifer had seen his points, but his arguments... she felt that they could be made to advocate Ives' orders too. She foresaw great contention among the crew, even if there was a chance Trent might be able to get his will through. She was still going over it in her mind when he gave an order that she saw great peril in executing at that point, when they had just left the Versant behind - still not entirely clear from Savi fighter pursuit.

"I need you to inform the crew that I intend to go after our people, so we have a crew that'll be able to complete our mission."

Jennifer felt her eyes widen a bit, and she cleared her throat. "Captain, I urge you to reconsider this order." Did he make it because of Warrant Officer McMillan? She just couldn't shake the idea. "We have yet to reintegrate, the Stallion and the Sword likely still not clear from the Savi yet. As your First Officer, I must advise you against giving that order now, before we have managed to rendezvous with the others. We don't even know the full extent of the damage done by the Savi and the Asurian saucers, especially not on the other Vectors. I say this while also taking the crew into consideration. They are - right now - following Ives last order, but if you go against that order without the support from the other Vectors, without even knowing the full tactical situation for such an undertaking, it will be like..."

She fumbled for a fitting allegory, eyebrows raised as she raked her brain. "It would be... like asking a soldier to invade an enemy camp alone, without even knowing if he will be armed. Personally, I don't think this is a compromise, for you'd be asking a crew with fragile morale - past their breaking point - to attempt a suicide mission. They will, indeed, follow our orders... but only up to a point. You do not yet wield the same authority that Ives did, and since the preparations before Starbase 84, you are known as a quite cruel taskmaster. If you ask this of them today... the crew of the Helmet might indeed shatter, and then the mission will fail."

She wondered if she ought to say something about Trent calling Thea 'a component', knowing what the crew felt about the soul of the ship, but she would just have to hope his disregard towards the A.I. wouldn't shine through in public. She would, however say something about his estimation of their chances, as premature as they had to be.

"I am not saying we don't stand a chance, sir. It might very well be that we can prepare and use the element of surprise, but before we know what we'll have at our disposal, I think that openly defying Ives' last order could seed another mutiny, so I urge caution and timing. If we are to attempt taking them back, to satisfy the intent of an honourable course of action, this is not the day to tell the crew."

She paused, having come to the last bit of counsel she had.

"Lastly, I am sorry, but I have to say it," she said, hoping she'd appreciate her candour. "This mission is more important than the survival of your honour, or whether or not you can look yourself in the mirror. I must ask the obvious, and hope you don't think less of me for doing so." She took a deep breath. "My sense of duty towards the mission compels me to ask; Has the fact that Warrant Officer McMillan being one of the abducted factored into this decision?"

She'd written the report herself, and now, she'd thrown the dice. She felt compelled to try and help Trent, and if it would serve the mission, she would even try to comfort him in his loss. She had already fantasised about him in that way, so it would hardly be any sacrifice on her part. In fact, if there had been time, and if she could have disregarded the rumours about McMillan, she might have asked him to join her for coffee in her quarters already. Instead, it had been yet another reason why she hated the gossip mill.

Re: Chapter 05: Supplemental [ Day 03 | 1830 hrs. ] Decision Point

Reply #8 –
[ Cmdr Carrigan Trent | Captain's Ready Room | Deck 01 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Auctor Lucan

By her own admission, Jennifer Dewitt had hardly been the ideal commander for Black Opal.  She had admitted to being despondent, complacent.  And given the fractured nature of her command when he had boarded and secured her surrender, he had been inclined to believe her at the time.  But, time on Theurgy and the ample chances she had been given to prove herself had done her a world of good, and Trent knew he had gained a valuable, strong right hand when he made her his adjutant. 

And now she certainly proved her worth once again.  For she was unashamedly disagreeing with him, and being logical about it.  And, in several ways, she was right.  He did not have Ives' hold on the crew; after all he was himself a fairly recent addition, and he wasn't really their captain.  At least not yet.  And he indeed had been ruthless in drilling the crew before the battle at Starbase 84; that he had been resented for it was no surprise, but he knew the relentless training and preparation had come in as most welcome with the damage control, casualty clearing and various shipboard operations that had been needed during that engagement. 

And at first, he nodded.  "Very well.  Get with Mister Veradin.  At our first stop, get that saucer towed out of the lounge and into the shuttlebay.  See if it can be used as an asset, either through ripping its guns out and installing them on empty pallet spots, or if we can bring the whole thing into service." 

There was little of his quiet intensity in his voice at this point.  He indeed was distracted, and not in a particularly good way.  Heather was missing.  And that was foremost in his thoughts.  And Dewitt's presence was helping him concentrate on what had to be done.  Because, in many ways, the woman was right and it would not do to deny that. 

"And we'll do it your way for now and not announce it just yet.  But be aware that it remains my intent to go after our missing crew.  Yes, Captain Ives did give me a mission.  But it's exact execution remains my prerogative."

But what followed was a question that struck Trent like a ton of bricks accelerated to an appreciable fraction of C.  And his eyes lowered to the desk before screwing themselves shut to staunch the tears that started to well  there; his hands clenched into fists, and his entire body trembled with a few harsh, silent sobs.  And, a few moments later, blinking the tears away, he looked up.  She had been candid with him, he would be honest with her.  "Yes," was his sole answer. 

Re: Chapter 05: Supplemental [ Day 03 | 1830 hrs. ] Decision Point

Reply #9 –
[ Lieutenant Commander Jennifer Dewitt | Captain's Ready Room | Deck 01 | Vector 01 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @CanadianVet
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A great sense of relief had washed through Jennifer Dewitt when Trent saw reason in her words. She had kept her face in check, not wanting to show him how much she had been anticipating a refusal, and a reminder to follow orders when they are given. She had blinked a couple of times, adjusted her legs a little where she sat with her hands in her lap, but had kept her lips a thin line, her eyes unmoving. She'd taken her revised orders with a nod.

"Yes, sir," she had said, not sure she ought to linger on the topic at all, but had spoken of Heather McMillan nonetheless.

The reaction from Trent was entirely unexpected, even if the way he'd looked when she entered the room could have been her cue. She had never thought he'd attach himself to someone so much and so fast, but evidently, that was entirely incorrect. She realised she had him all wrong, that there was more compassion in him than he'd ever let on. She clenched her jaw, her heart going out to him in his misery. What would she do if she'd had the sense to settle with someone, and then have him abducted by a faction such as the Savi? The fledgling assessment of them had them not painted them in a kind light, the theories about what the Voice of the Savi - Echtand - had said ranging from them being clandestine terrorists from afar, to arrogant scientists with no compunction in their methods. If they would condone what had been done to the Theurgy - to Thea - then were was the limit to their greed for knowledge?

Where was the limit to the experiments they might do upon a Radiant, rare and mysterious as such were?

"Oh, I... see," she said, realising what damage she might have caused, and she pressed her lips together, getting to her feet and slowly walking around the desk. She would not blame him for having a heart. She would not lay blame upon any officer that acted in defence of a loved one. Seeing him hurt so, she couldn't just sit there. When she reached his side, she grew hesitant, but decided on putting her hand on his shoulder. She rid herself from any ideas about the gesture. She just wanted to comfort him. She squeezed the muscles underneath her palm.

"I'm so sorry," she said, remaining standing next to him. She was conflicted about the right course of action, but remained nonetheless, feeling that embracing him would be too forward. Far too much. As much as she wanted to comfort him, he was a man of great integrity, so she would not do anything untowards. "I can't imagine what that must be like... Please, don't assume the worst. Don't forget that. There is always hope. The natural thing is to prepare for the worst, but in this case, that is not applicable. Anything shy of hope, and you cannot function as an officer. You know this. As hard as it is, you must put the thought of her aside in order to command this ship."

She crouched down next to his chair, trying to meet his eyes, She slid her fingers down from his shoulder to his bone-and-flesh hand, and squeezed it. She tried to smile for him, which was easy enough, but not in a way that would seem too warm. Why was she even thinking along those lines? Having to caution herself? It was not like she was throwing herself at him just because he was hurting, right? She wanted him to feel better, having likely lost his woman forever. "Is there anything I can do?" she asked quietly, "even off the record?"

Re: Chapter 05: Supplemental [ Day 03 | 1830 hrs. ] Decision Point

Reply #10 –
[ Cmdr Carrigan Trent | Captain's Ready Room | Deck 01 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Auctor Lucan

Yes.

Such a simple word.  Oh, he had known his intent the moment he had found out that Heather had been taken.  That he couldn't leave her in the hands of the Savi, whatever happened.  In fact, he wanted to tear their ship apart with his bare hands and butcher every last one of those bastards personally just to find her.  But admitting it out loud, that was something else entirely.  And having said that, his shoulders sagged.  Relief at this confession.  And shame.  And dread at how Dewitt would react, yet some hope she might be able to comprehend the state of mind he was in.  And, he had no idea what to expect.  Whether she would demand he step down as commanding officer, or she would support him, or bark at him to snap out of it.  He was simply hanging there, and the silence in the Ready Room was oppressive. 

And while his eyes were open, they were unseeing; while he could hear, Dewitt's words were but noise.   And when her hand connected with his shoulder, he was startled out of his state of utter distraction and looked up to see her standing at his shoulder.  For a few moments, he remained silent, considering everything she had said.  Her honest sympathies.  The need to hope.  The need to stop fretting lest he lose himself.  The need to focus.  And it was not until after she had crouched and met his gaze that he reacted, and the ghost of a wry smile crossed his lips.  "I know, but that knowledge is cold comfort, isn't it?  We all think we're immune to this sort of things, that it's for other people to let their emotions affect their judgement.  But until you're in those shoes, you can never really know how you'll react." 

As her hand made it's way to hers, he returned that squeeze with one of his own.  Dewitt might have been a merely acceptable outpost commander, but she had been an excellent adjutant, and given the last few hours she'd proven to be more than suitable an executive officer.  And at this point in time, she was far more objective than he was about things, and that made her support, and this show of loyalty, priceless.

But there was something even more valuable she might be able to provide, and she seemed more than willing to extend his way.  "On either side of the record, you're doing an excellent job as XO, and I'm going to have to rely very heavily on you for the foreseeable future, as an advisor, as my voice, and if need be as a prosthetic conscience."  And there was something else he had to add; he had already opened that door a crack with Natalie Stark and she seemed willing to walk through it herself.  Though, given how oddly their relationship had become, this might be a lot to ask from Dewitt.  "Jennifer, what I could really use is a friend."

Re: Chapter 05: Supplemental [ Day 03 | 1830 hrs. ] Decision Point

Reply #11 –
[ Lieutenant Commander Jennifer Dewitt | Captain's Ready Room | Deck 01 | Vector 01 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @CanadianVet
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Seeing him so vulnerable, Dewitt fought the notion to comfort him in a way that his lost woman couldn't. In fact, she hung on the hope that he'd make the slightest indication that he needed her, even if it was far too soon.

She was praised for her conduct and objectiveness, and she couldn't help the small blush of embarrassment at his words. Had it come from anyone else, it would have been less so, quite aware of her abilities as an officer only her skills had been entirely wasted on the Black Opal, ending up with her not caring to conduct herself as she should have. Back on a starship, and doing things that truly mattered, that made her rise to the challenge. Wasting away reading the same kind of reports for years, and where the base personnel issues were taking overhand, it had been beyond dreary. Finally, she felt alive, and in feeling alive, she felt bold - pushing instead of evading. Taking issues by the horns instead of dodging responsibility.

"Jennifer, what I could really use is a friend."

Her small smile felt a bit stiff on her face, hearing that. Obviously, it was much too soon, since Trent didn't seem to have the slightest of notion about what she was willing to offer him. Perhaps she wasn't even his type, or considered her in that particular way. Either way, how could she say no? This was the time to tell him that if he needed a friend, she came with benefits. She believed she knew what he truly needed. Distraction, so that he might become as objective has he praised her to be, but she wasn't able to give him that just yet.

"Of course," she said, and ran her thumb across the top of his hand, smiling to him in the light of the Azure Nebula. "My door is always open. If you need to vent, and blow off some steam where the other officers can't see, I am here for you."

Re: Chapter 05: Supplemental [ Day 03 | 1830 hrs. ] Decision Point

Reply #12 –
[ Cmdr Carrigan Trent | Captain's Ready Room | Deck 01 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Auctor Lucan

There was an odd smile on Dewitt's face when he mentioned the sort of support he needed at this time.  Was that a hint of disappointment?  Or a response to the nature of his request, especially given that their initial meeting had been with him boarding her station and crouching next to her to offer terms of surrender, while her legs had been paralyzed by a conducted energy weapon, and she had nothing pleasant to say to him at the time?  Though, to be fair, that was hardly the way friendships tended to start.  But there had been stranger things.

Like a shy, clumsy, fragile little scientist who embraced pacifism and a double amputee war veteran who was initially trained as a tactical officer becoming a couple. 

"You've already made a good start in that direction," he replied with a smile.  "And conversely, my door is always open to you as well.  Especially since neither of our workloads will ever be truly done for some time now."  Slowly, he rose from his seat and made for the replicator; as there was no time a CO or XO were ever truly off-duty, moderation was the key to consumption for people in those roles.  "May I offer you a drink, and would you take offence if I indulge?"

Re: Chapter 05: Supplemental [ Day 03 | 1830 hrs. ] Decision Point

Reply #13 –
[ Lieutenant Commander Jennifer Dewitt | Captain's Ready Room | Deck 01 | Vector 01 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @CanadianVet
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And like that, the moment had passed - opportunity lost. She truly believed she knew what was best for him, and she'd said as much as she dared. She couldn't throw herself at him, hoping he'd come around and see that he needed the comfort she was willing to give him, so she schooled her face and just smiled.

Then, Trent left for the replicator, and Dewitt stood up, adjusting her uniform pants and her jacket - prepared to be dismissed. There was a lot to do, like he'd said, and too few hours to do it. Reports to approve and repair priorities to sanction, with a Vector that was led by an entirely new chain of command and....

A drink?

Dewitt paused and looked at Trent's back for a moment, unsure what to say. Oh, gosh, please, yes... was what she wanted to say, the battle having put her nerves on end and she just wanted to take the edge off. If she couldn't do both Trent and herself a favour and blow off some steam, a drink or two was the second best thing. Oh, what to pick, what to pick... No, you can't. Stop it!

"Yes... I mean, no," she said and cleared her throat, folding her hands behind her back. "I do not take offence, but I should not indulge. I indulged far too much on the Black Opal, and I have promised myself to not touch any syntheol. At least not until the mission is over, and this crew is safe. Please, of course, don't mind me. I wouldn't want my decision to put a damper on...."

Change your mind, Jennifer. This was hardly the way to be companionable. If you say no, he will feel bad for taking a drink, and that's exactly what you need. Perhaps it's what you both need, to break the ice and let either of you take that first step, and...

"I'll have a synthehol-free drink, please. Surprise me."

You are such a bore, Jennifer...

Well, she had to maintain her principles, to her great dismay.

Re: Chapter 05: Supplemental [ Day 03 | 1830 hrs. ] Decision Point

Reply #14 –
[ Cmdr Carrigan Trent | Captain's Ready Room | Deck 01 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Auctor Lucan

When he looked at his Executive Officer, Trent could see the conflict within her.  And that was when he realized that perhaps she had meant much more than she had said, when she said she would be there for him.  In fact, he could sense something like disappointment coming from her. 

That was definitely not the kind of development he had expected when he had called her into what was now his Ready Room!  But that was not something he was willing to further delve in right now.  At some point they would need to have a frank conversation about the exact nature of their personal relationship, but it would have to wait.  For now, cementing that friendship was a priority.  He needed to have Jennifer Dewitt on his side, even if she disagreed with him at times. 

Standing at the replicator, he considered the options, and he placed his order.  "Computer, one Old Fashioned, made with Eagle Rare Bourbon, and one virgin Caesar." 

And, before long, he set the whiskey-based drink on his side of the desk, and the spiced tomato-and-clam juice drink before Jennifer.  As he sat down, he took a sip from his drink and he felt the smooth heat of the alcohol warm its way down into his stomach. 

And, despite the gravity of their situation, he knew both needed their mind off of it, at least for some time.  "So, if you don't mind my asking, who did you piss off to get Black Opal?"

Re: Chapter 05: Supplemental [ Day 03 | 1830 hrs. ] Decision Point

Reply #15 –
[ Lieutenant Commander Jennifer Dewitt | Captain's Ready Room | Deck 01 | Vector 01 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @CanadianVet
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After having been inadvertently rejected, Jennifer felt that the continuation of this meeting was... for a lack of a better word... extremely awkward for her. Trent had offered her a drink, and she'd ended up accepting one for his sake, not wanting to put a damper on the development since he seemed to be on the right track - the news about Heather McMillan no longer at the centre and forefront of his mind. If she left him now, chances were he'd returned to brood on her potential fate.

The second awkwardness was the fruity drink she got.

She looked at it, schooling her face, since she'd told Trent to surprise her, and he had. He'd picked an extremely fruity drink, and while it was good that it had no synthehol in it, it looked like a cabrodine bomb had gone off in a fruit-stand. She glanced towards Trent's drink with regret, preferring neat bourbon or single malt in general. Still, she politely picked up the drink and scented it. It was almost like she could smell the regrets of the fruiterer, unless it was just her own. Trent's question was a welcome change in topic, not quite sure what to say about the drink. She'd rather put all her shortcomings on display.

"I questioned the orders of the wrong morons," she said, clearing her throat, "who were as high in the food-chain as they were lacking in their regard for female, headstrong officers. They told their moronic friends, and wanted me out of their hair, so that they could continue being morons and abuse their command for personal benefit. I prefer, however, to mention no names, but sufficed to say, they did not get any Christmas cards from the Black Opal."

Her shortcoming was that she had not been vocal enough, and dragged the officers in the dirt before it was too late, and they had made their move to get her out of the way. Jennifer sipped her drink, clenched her jaw against the cloying taste but continued.

"I reported them, instead, in all ways I could from my remote location, but I had nothing in term of evidence, and I was clearly a bother, who's messages were circulated like hot coals that no one wanted to deal with. In retrospect, not the best way to get me off the Opal, but I clung to hope that someone would pull my name for a new assignment. The years passed, and now... I'm suddenly here."

Without thinking, she almost sipped the vile drink again. Having raised it, she decided to make a toast instead.

"To a timely surrender," she said with a lopsided smile, referencing her own, only adding, "and the continued mission."

She only pretended to sip it afterwards, but her lips were sweetened nonetheless. Gosh, I'd rather drink a Talisker.

Re: Chapter 05: Supplemental [ Day 03 | 1830 hrs. ] Decision Point

Reply #16 –
[ Cmdr Carrigan Trent | Captain's Ready Room | Deck 01 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Auctor Lucan

Dewitt's face when she looked at her drink drew a chuckle that might even have carried a hint of genuine mirth within in.  The traditional Caesar was a bit of an acquired taste for a lot of people, and it tended to turn a lot of people off rather quickly.  That it was one of his favourites, with or without alcohol, seemed to be worth little to his XO.  But, then again, she had asked for something without alcohol or synthehol in it, and he would respect her wishes, and her resolve to remain sober until the mission was complete. 

Not that he would think any less of her; as a man who had struggled through alcoholism before, he knew how easy it was to fall off the wagon; and even harder was to learn to drink with moderation again afterwards. 

And there, he had his answer.  Indeed, Black Opal was not a posting where good officers were sent, unless they had annoyed someone a great deal.  He knew how that was himself, when he was first assigned in the double-hatted role of strategic operations officer and first officer of a monitoring station along the Ferengi border.  But his was not punishment detail, but a chance to further pursue his research in tactical sensor usage.  But he certainly had plenty of such people under him, those who were sent there for punishment, or the criminally inept, misfits and those with attitude and disciplinary issues who were sent there because it was deemed they could do no damage there. 

"No good deed every goes unpunished, Jennifer.  That is, unfortunately, the nature of the beast within Starfleet's political climate on a good day." 

Sipping from his drink, he let the chilled orange-flavoured whiskey, water and muddled sugar warm the inside of his throat some as she made her toast. 

"And I  for one am glad you came over to our side.  We need people like you."

Re: Chapter 05: Supplemental [ Day 03 | 1830 hrs. ] Decision Point

Reply #17 –
[ Lieutenant Commander Jennifer Dewitt | Captain's Ready Room | Deck 01 | Vector 01 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @CanadianVet
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Upon being complemented, a younger Jennifer Dewitt might have blushed and deflected his words with some off-hand remark about her just 'doing-her-job', but such wasn't the case any longer. Just counting the time aboard the Theurgy, she had seen and experienced too much, and the weight of the mission lay heavy on her shoulders - just as it did on the shoulders of many others.

"Thank you," she said instead, inclining her head. "I will do my part to make sure the record is set straight, and we unveil the real enemy. Should we get the chance, I hope to fight these usurpers directly."

She drank her drink, gagging as it was, and set down it down, the glass half-full.

Then she rose to her feet, swallowing twice to clear her mouth well enough to speak. "Thank you for the drink. If it's all the same to you, I'd like to return to my post now. I was in the middle of some calculations concerning the rendevouz-points, and I'd like to resume when I still have them fresh in memory." She smiled to Trent, hoping he would be all right, and that he'd been able to push Heather McMillan from his mind, with or without her help. The crew needed him focused, but better yet, they needed him objective. She waited for him to grant her leave before continuing.

"If you need me," she said, careful not to make it sound too much of an innuendo, "you know where to find me. Captain."

She inclined her head, and walked out of the ready room. The taste of the drink would wear off, but the image of Trent's distress would linger with her for quite some time. It was a clear reminder that they were all human, regardless the odds at stake, and the way one tended to hide weaknesses to those closest to you.

Re: Chapter 05: Supplemental [ Day 03 | 1830 hrs. ] Decision Point

Reply #18 –
[ Cmdr Carrigan Trent | Captain's Ready Room | Deck 01 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Auctor Lucan

Trent could not help but to chuckle again as his XO tried to stomach her drink.  Well, he was well-aware that the combination of tomato and clam juices, horseradish, Tabasco and Worcestershire sauces, lemon and celery salt were not for everyone, especially without the vodka to bring it all together.  But at least, she had been gracious enough to drink from it. 

And she was ready to make her way back to work.  Yes, he had taken enough of her time, and he had to get himself back on track.  Plans needed making, the crew needed reorganizing, and he needed to start considering contingencies.  "Of course," he replied.  "Please forward me your results when you have them and share them with Mister Marquez.  I want to start considering the tactical implications of each RV site as soon as possible."

"And thank you."

- FIN
 
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