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Day 11 [ 0900 hrs.] Steamy Tales to Trade

[ Lt. Enyd Isolde Madsen | Corridor | D. 22 | V. 03 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Auctor Lucan

Finished with her morning check-in with the department, Enyd had deviated from one of her errands specifically to check on a certain Romulan. She’d been informed of his release the day before but had been unable to stop by. In truth, the letter she’d written basically left it up to him whether he wanted to contact her considering all they’d lived through, but Enyd’s curiosity had driven her down here and wouldn’t let her leave until she could see for herself that Drauc was indeed on the mend. Now she stood as one part coward and two parts child as she smoothed a hand down her skirt and double-checked that her plaited bun was still in place. Rolling her shoulders first, Enyd raised an arm to press the door chime. Nothing. Frowning, Enyd stepped away from the cold, closed door and looked to the corridor’s ceiling.

“Thea, what is the present location of Mister Drauc T’Laus.”

There was barely a pause before the soft voice replied, “Mister T’Laus is presently in the steam room on deck 6.”

A brief image of Drauc’s nude flesh covered with droplets of steam, his hair slicked back from his face, muscles undulating with power as he moved through the mist assaulted her mind’s eye. Enyd crossed her arms behind her back and held tightly onto her elbows. She would NOT start the morning off by waltzing into that sort of temptation. There were several reasons for it as well. One, V-Nine had told her it would be at least a week before Drauc was cleared to do any sort of physical exertion. Two, they were still trying to figure out just what they were to one another. And three, she’d literally been mostly naked on stage with Alistair just the day before, which also needed to be discussed.

“Thank you, Thea. I’ll wait here for his return.” Enyd sighed. At least she’d wait for a bit. She did have duties to attend to, but after all that Drauc had done for her with the sabre bear, she owed it to him to wait.

Re: Day 11 [ 0900 hrs.] Steamy Tales to Trade

Reply #1 –
[ Drauc T'Laus | Corridor | Deck 22 | Vector 03 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Ellen Fitz  
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When he limped around the corner of the intersection in the corridor, Drauc's eyes were already staring at Enyd - having sensed her presence already. Wordlessly, he approached her with his threadbare robe billowing in his wake, scarred hands clearly flexing slowly inside its frayed sleeves. His hair was wet still from the shower, his drawn face beaded with water, but the sight of the woman in front of her was not a concern - merely the lingering pain. On the contrary, seeing her made him forget about his slow recovery, and remember the positive experiences from their excursion.

"Enyd," he rasped, coming to stand before her. Looking down into her eyes, he welcomed the soothing feeling of her specific mind undoing the knots in his own, and he lifted a hand to run he back of his fingers against her cheek. "My gratitude, for your letter. It mattered a lot to me to know you were safe when I came to in sickbay."

Having said this, he lowered his hand, and thought of what she wrote. He shook his head. "I will have you know... that I do not hold you the least responsible for the minor inconvenience of earning more scars." Taking a step towards the doors to his quarters, they parted for him. "In fact, as troubling as some aspects were... your company was appreciated. Without it, it would have been pointless."

Stepping inside, the invitation to join him was unspoken, but he paused just inside to let her in. He supposed their conversation may not be one to be held in the corridor - the privacy of his accommodations better suited for it. "I trust the venom didn't cause you any lingering issues, but do you have any new scars of your own?"

Once inside, he slowly removed his robe, folding it over the back of a chair, and in his short-sleeved Romulan tunic, he approached the viewport and the vista of Qo'noS surface.

Re: Day 11 [ 0900 hrs.] Steamy Tales to Trade

Reply #2 –
[ Lt. Enyd Isolde Madsen | Drauc’s Personal Quarters | D. 22 | V. 03 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Auctor Lucan

Wiping around at warp speed, Enyd’s eyes narrowed in on Drauc’s dramatic approach. How was it possible that it seemed every time he wore that robe, it moved as if he were walking in an afternoon breeze? At this point, it wouldn’t have surprised Enyd if cinematic music began to play over Thea’s comm system every time he rounded into her sights, for it seemed his approach always left her akin to a brainless lump of idiocy like the heroines of ancient Earth films who had to fan themselves to keep from fainting at the sight of their lover.

His voice did its wicked thing when he spoke her name, wrapping around her senses and tugging her involuntarily closer to his body. She couldn’t help but lean into his momentary touch, her brain taking more than a few moments to catch up to his words when he spoke of her letter. She was both thankful for the touch and for his ending it once Drauc lowered his hand. She could at least clear her throat and use her mouth to form words instead of merely gaping at him fish-mouthed when he wasn’t touching her.

“I know in the letter I said I’d wait for you to approach me, but after what happened with the sabre bear,” Enyd rolled her shoulders and took a deep breath to press on, “but I’ll admit I selfishly wanted some visual reassurance that you really were on the mend. V-Nine did update me for when you were released but, yeah.” She lowered her head and poked at the floor with the toes of her left boot, “Minor inconvenience? We blew up a sabre bear, Drauc,” she looked up in time to see him step into his quarters, shifting to the side to invite her in.

Enyd didn’t hesitate, moving into the quarters and immediately getting hit with the overwhelming scent that was “Drauc” as it permeated the area of his living space. She clenched her fists to fight against thoughts that could potentially derail this conversation into an area best left alone for the time being: that of sensuality. Drauc was not fully healed and she had duties to report to in just a little over an hour. They had a lot of conversational ground to cover to “clear the air,” so to speak, and the last thing they needed was for her overactive imagination to start picturing him naked and tied to the bed while she tickled him with a feather duster.

Immediately aware of the fact that Drauc had just then seen precisely the very thing she’d not wanted to think about, Enyd pictured a cat crawling onto a couch and getting misted by its owner from a spray bottle, finding a sense of calm as the imagined cat leapt down from the couch and retreated into the corner. She just needed to “mist” her mind occasionally to keep things from getting off track, like an owner training a cat to stay off the furniture.

“Right,” Enyd cleared her throat as she moved further into his quarters, feeling him move around her to remove his robe and lay it over the back of a chair, “I’m glad you don’t feel like the scars were pointless. And yes, I am in complete agreement. Although things did NOT at all go according to my hoped-for plan, I did enjoy the opportunity of getting to know you better. Of being able to have some good conversation and wrestle through some challenges together.”

At the mentioning of a challenge, her mind immediately betrayed her as her body felt the ghost sensation of his body pressed atop hers, his hips aligned with her own, as he was poised to enter her at her permission. Enyd’s eyes widened. In her mind, she pictured the cat attempting to crawl up the curtains, and this time it was a glass of water tossed at the cat that had it dropping back to the floor and running away. Enyd let out the breath she’d held, again clearing her throat as she clasped her hands together in front of her body.

“The venom?” Enyd glanced at her leg, picturing the ugly circular pattern the venom had cut into her flesh the nurse in sickbay had had to work on cleaning up and healing. “It had turned my flesh necrotic, and it took a few treatments to get everything mostly back to normal. The area is still sensitive with the regenerated skin, and you can still see a bit of the circle where the original bite was, but it’s nothing in comparison to what happened to you.”

Enyd finally allowed herself to meet his gaze again. She resisted the temptation to ask to see the new scars, though again, she was well aware of the fact that he now knew she was resisting the temptation. Instead, she shifted her mind to the events of the night before, and in quick succession, Drauc was able to relive her experience with Klingon comedy alongside Alistair. Enyd frowned, tipping her head to the side as she tried to recall all the pertinent bits of information that would lend themselves to a useful conversation with Drauc. There was the date itself, the flirting conversations, the chaotic spiral of events that left Alistair and Enyd wrestling naked on the stage, her kiss of gratitude, and everything else leading up to when they were finally able to return to the ship.

Squeezing her hands against each other, Enyd offered him a half-smile, “So, yeah, that happened yesterday.” Enyd forced herself to let go of her hands in the self-comfort gesture and instead let the fall to her sides. “What are your thoughts regarding all this?” She waved to the air between them and then pointed to her head, referring to the memories with Alistair.

Re: Day 11 [ 0900 hrs.] Steamy Tales to Trade

Reply #3 –
[ Drauc T'Laus | Corridor | Deck 22 | Vector 03 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Ellen Fitz  
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Relieved that she wasn't suffering any permanent damages from the venom, Drauc's attention remained on her, feeling how he was emulating her attraction towards him more and more by the moment. "We did," he rasped in regard to the animal, and inclined his head. "I am pleased to hear you are also well."

The mental images of chasing off feline animals, likening them to her errant thoughts, were not lost on him, and just as she managed to do so, he did too - even if the memory of what she wished to do with him lingered once she addressed another matter entirely.

What followed was a mental account of the evening prior, and a comfortable silence settled over the room once she delved into her own memories. It quickly became apparent how Enyd wished to tell him something, at great length, so he stood there by the viewport and watched her through the tresses of his burgundy hair - scarred hands idle by his sides. As unmoving as a statue, he learned that he was not the only male she harboured romantic feelings towards, and it caused him a considerate amount of confusion as to what resided presently between her and himself.

The memories of the evening at the Klingon establishment detailed provocative entertainment, of which both her and the male - someone named Alistair - ended up being a part of. Her memories were laced with boldness and embarrassment alike, along with the clear indication that she was attracted to the human male she had for company. Drauc, however, had been under the impression that he was the only male she had such feelings for, but it seemed that after the excursion during which he'd been hurt... something had changed. In all likelihood, it was because he had frightened her, affected by the bear's animal instincts as he'd been...

...but the attraction towards himself lingered still. The question she posed, about what his thoughts might be in regard to this new entanglement with a human partner, had made sense if she wished to end whatever was developing prior to the excursion. If it had been a wordless confession about being attracted to someone else, and only that person, it had made sense. Yet as she'd entered his quarters, she'd had to keep herself from entertaining further intimacy between them... which made the present situation confusing beyond what he could put words to.

He had gone to speak with Lillee about understanding human affections, to little avail since she had admitted to knowing less than he'd hoped. Whatever advise she may have given him wouldn't have prepared him for what he now faced. A situation in which he was supposed to... either approve or accept the fact that she was attracted to someone else... or not. Those were the only two options he could deduce, and the consequences of either choice were then up for her to decide upon.

As it were, Drauc could understand how it was easier to build a relationship with a human male instead of a damaged Romulan like himself. The mixed messages about her feelings towards him aside, since he couldn't make sense of whether or not she was more or less attracted to either of them, the cold logic of the matter was that the development was new, and followed what had happened in the Blng'av Mountain Region, which may have been the cause for her to seek a new partner. Someone whom knew his own emotions to be true, and could care for her out of his own volition, and never doubt his own feelings to be genuine.

He supposed he should be feeling rejected, betrayed, and abandoned because of his own shortcomings as a man. His lack of control, and lack of feelings of his own, but even as he knew this - having observed that kind of reaction in others - he had no capacity to derive such sense of loss from Enyd. No means to feed the misery of loosing Enyd that he knew ought to be there, behind the scar tissues of his mind. The kind of loss that he'd wished to feel when Jovela died, and he had only been able to express  through the rage of the Klingons he fought twelve days ago. He was denied grieving her unless he picked up the feelings of loss from others in the crew, and loosing Enyd to another would be another thing denied him lest he found someone else who'd been abandoned.

So why was she not resentful towards him?

His brow furrowed, thinking that either she was just as confused as he felt - and perhaps hers fed his own - or she didn't know whom she truly wanted yet. In that case... he felt it unjust that he'd had to... compete for her affection? As if she was some kind of trophy earned through a challenge between two men? It felt... wrong, in more ways than one, but he wasn't sure how to express his reluctance. For what chance did he have, if he couldn't even be certain that his feelings for her were entirely his own? In that aspect, 'Alistair' likely knew what he wanted, whereas Drauc hoped to learn what true affection was.

She had asked for his thoughts, yet he had little to offer, since the situation he was in wasn't a matter of his ultimate choice.

It was hers. Thus, his thoughts were moot. As hollow as he always felt - echoing the feelings of others.

"Neither do I understand what you want from me," he grated quietly, staring at her, "nor do I know what thoughts you ask me to speak for, since yours are more relevant. I do understand, however, if you would rather be with someone whom can fully reciprocate your feelings, without a doubt, so I will not hold that choice against you, should that be your preference. I will not, however, compete for your affections, since then... I ought to forfeit out of that same reason. His potential honesty holds more worth than my doubt."

Re: Day 11 [ 0900 hrs.] Steamy Tales to Trade

Reply #4 –
[ Lt. Enyd Isolde Madsen | Drauc’s Personal Quarters | D. 22 | V. 03 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Auctor Lucan

Once, a long time ago, Enyd had gone to the sea. Visiting relatives with her grandmother, Enyd remembered walking along the boardwalk of the beach town they’d vacationed in, enjoying the sights and sounds of the environment after a long day playing in the surf. Along the way, they’d come across an antique-looking sweets parlor that served authentic handmade ice cream. All the children had been beside themselves, including Enyd, scrambling to the glass counter and drooling over the plentiful options awaiting their decision. Everyone was instructed to choose one flavor and one flavor only. That stipulation was akin to inhumane torture for a child, but everyone complied. Except Enyd.

After she’d accepted the first ice cream cone given her by one of her uncle’s—chocolate cherry—Enyd had capitalized on everyone’s distraction with divvying out napkins by sneaking back into the shop and ordering a second cone. While she waited for the second cone—honeyed almond—and once it came to light that she had no credits to pay for it, her first cone had melted, and her grandmother had discovered her. “That’s what you get for being greedy, Enyd. You can’t always have them both,” Enyd remembered her grandmother saying as they walked a pace behind the crowd of the family happily licking at the cones. Her hands remained sticky with the remains of her failed ice cream endeavors, and now, listening to Drauc’s reply, Enyd could imagine the stickiness across her skin as his words and this situation brought back that memory.

Before the mixture of Klingon chips—equivalent to drugs—and the firewine, Enyd had been rational enough to remember that it would be disrespectful to everyone involved if she gave in to her urges or emotions towards one man or the other without some clarity or acceptance from both. While that thought had been all well and good the night before, having the thought twisted and tossed back at her by Drauc now forced Enyd to realize how incredibly selfish of her it was to even “voice” the concept in the first place. Just because SHE found herself yet again in a situation where she was attracted to two men didn’t mean she needed to inadvertently punish either man for her own idiosyncratic tendencies to fall into dyadic romances. Granted, she never would’ve been able to keep it from Drauc in the first place, but there was still the opportunity to keep silent with Alistair. However, was that respectful to him? After all that had transpired between them? That’d she’d reveal all her erratic cards to Drauc and not to Alistair?

Enyd looked away from Drauc, eyes falling upon the chairs at the table. “May I sit?”

She knew he wasn’t about to toss her out on her ear, at least not yet, but she still didn’t want to presume she was so welcome in his quarters that she could freely make herself at home at his table without permission. Enyd did not relax against the chair but remained still once seated. Her brows were furrowed as she retreated into her thoughts. It was both a blessing and an ever-present curse that Drauc could see and feel her thoughts. He could track alongside her as she pondered how to verbalize things. Sure, he could follow her thoughts, but he also fed off her emotions. This meant that just as she was confused, he could still be confused to hell with the situation.

“I would never expect you or anyone else to compete for my affections,” Enyd’s voice was flat as she spoke, her mind too preoccupied with trying to muddle through the grey to get some black and white out of the situation. “I am not so precious a ‘thing’ as to be sought after in that way. I know my worth and value, and I honestly don’t think I’m someone worth competing for. For one, I don’t find that behavior attractive. And for another, I don’t see any logical reason for it.”

She briefly imagined a fistfight between Alistair and Drauc and shook her head. No, she’d rather both men take turns taking a swing at her than at one another BECAUSE of her. And then, after it satisfied them that she’d learned her lesson, they could go have drinks together and maybe even become friends through the process of hating her for being an irresponsible juvenile about this whole situation.

Enyd imagined Alistair and Drauc at the bar above the arboretum, having a drink and sharing a laugh. The imagined scene comforted her and brought a new range of thoughts forward. Drauc struck her as someone who had few friends, and he’d said basically as much, so if this fiasco prompted him to seek out Alistair, or vice versa, and they found out they had more in common than just a mutual annoyance for Enyd, then Drauc wouldn’t be so very alone on the ship. Her idiocy may have alienated her in that process, but at least Drauc would have a friend who wouldn’t accidentally string him along. That could be a positive to focus on.

Then a keyword from Drauc’s response came back to her and was enough to infuse emotion, that of concern, back into her voice when she turned her gaze back toward him. “There is no ‘rather,’ Drauc. I did not seek Alistair for that purpose. I first met him near around when I first met you, and it just so happened that he’d planned for us to go out together the day you were released from sickbay.” Enyd reached up to pinch the bridge of her nose, eyes drifting shut. “Even though the present situation may seem to prove otherwise, I am a woman of my word. I had promised to go with him, and I followed through even while knowing there was still a lot to be sorted out between us.” Lowering her hand, Enyd tried for a smile when she looked back to Drauc but failed, only managing a grimace. “I didn’t want to explain everything to Alistair, which I would’ve ended up doing if I’d canceled on him, so I chose the easy route, and we met up on Qo’Nos. And then, through the mess of the evening, I discovered a strong attraction towards him. As strong as the one I feel towards you, but of an entirely different quality.”

Quickly, without meaning to, Enyd recalled the dances, the makeout sessions, the sensual touches and mutual enjoyment of one another. Blushing, Enyd did her best to wipe her mind of the images but knew it was too late. Drauc would’ve seen and would’ve felt a portion of what she’d felt for Alistair all in that instant.

Looking back to the table and gripping its edge, Enyd’s voice was barely a whisper as she continued, “That fact was surprising to me, anxiety-inducing if I’m honest, and that was why I wanted to make you aware of it as soon as possible. I have not had extensive experience in this department, but it seems to be a trend that every time I start a relationship with one man, another comes bouncing along and derails me entirely.”

Her body suddenly crumpled into a seated version of the fetal position as Enyd dropped her head to rest on her hands on the table. She continued speaking, voice marginally muffled as she kept her head down.

“I want nothing from you, Drauc, except honesty.” Even as she said the words, Enyd knew they were both truthful and a lie. She WANTED him to accept her even with this new development; she wanted him to hold her and tell her she wasn’t an absolute bitch for getting them all into this mess. But her words were true in that she did NOT want him to take one step further with her if it meant compromising his sense of self or worth, if he felt disrespected or could no longer bring himself to trust her.

Enyd heaved another sigh, “I know you will remind me your honesty is always there, in that you are always honestly reflecting the emotions of those around you. But it is a fact that one can feel something and think another.” She raised herself up to use her hands as she offered two examples, “For example, while I felt the desire to initiate more intimacy with you on Qo’Nos after the bear’s death, and while I felt the desire to do more with Alistair last night than I did, I was cognizant that there would be far more negative outcomes than positive, and so in both cases, I refrained from acting on my feelings and instead followed my thoughts.” Enyd sighed, dropping her head back to the table with a loud thud. “I don’t want you or Alistair to feel disrespected or thrown over. And I don’t want either of you to be hurt because of my dyadic tendencies. Which, I might add, would shock the socks off my grandmother.” Enyd snorted at how that vaguely imagined conversation would go. “I truly value you both as friends and companions beyond the mere physical. But,” she sucked in her lower lip and nibbled before adding, her mind once more straying into imagined images of her and Drauc playfully wrestling on the sheets of his bed, “obviously I am physically attracted to you both as well.”

She lifted her head again, unaware of how the press of her head on the table left a red circle on her forehead. “I might also add that this conversation may be a moot point altogether, as I haven’t talked to Alistair yet and since he lacks your telepathic capabilities, it is entirely likely he’ll misunderstand everything and make me swear never again to darken his doorstep, calling me a two-timing hussy, or worse, ignoring my existence entirely.”

Enyd fell silent, doing her best to quieten her thoughts to a more gentle whisper than their earlier tempest gales. She wanted Drauc to have every opportunity to express himself, as himself, and without as much influence from her. If that was possible in the slightest.

“If you want me to leave, I will. Please tell me what you want or need right now, Drauc. I will comply with what suits you best without question.”

Re: Day 11 [ 0900 hrs.] Steamy Tales to Trade

Reply #5 –
[ Drauc T'Laus | Corridor | Deck 22 | Vector 03 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Ellen Fitz  
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The verbal answer of Enyd's had been accompanied by a number of different mental images, of memories and fantasies about outcomes that she envisioned on Drauc's and Alistair's behalf. She had let him glimpse her feelings towards the human male as well, and it had all been laced by the confusion she felt about her own feelings. Beyond the input of thoughts, emotions and imagery she projected towards him, Drauc was not like the mirror children of the Tal Shiar compound in that he also had his own experiences, thus granting him thought and autonomy. While affected and influenced by those around him, and he emulated them lest he forced himself not to, he harboured the collective experiences of hundreds upon hundreds of souls he'd communed with - where he had lived bits and pieces of their lives through their unguarded minds.

In that way, he judged, he would be able to put the current confusion he felt into perspective.

"Honesty," he rasped, repeating how she had insisted on it. He turned to look out through the viewport, since the visage of her served as a distraction competing with that of her mind. He flexed his scarred hands, working out the stiffness of the damaged tissues. "Whether or not you want me to feel disrespected, thrown over or hurt has no bearing on the result thereof. Meaning? That as affected as I may be of others around me... your wishes for me to feel something on behalf of your shortcomings - or projecting your fantasy of 'Alistar' becoming a friend - can easily become inadvertent manipulation. I have fought, throughout my entire life, to not be an unthinking mirror image of those around me, and to assert my own choices to remain mine. While your presence prevents me to feel hurt, disrespected and thrown aside, I know though experience that I ought to feel precisely all of that."

Drauc took a deep breath, pushing whatever Enyd's reaction might be behind him away from his mind. He focused on what he meant to say, since she sought an answer from him. "Emotions, as strong as they might be, mine or not, are not equal to thought and conscious direction. My thoughts are thus, that actions trump both emotion and thought. You have refrained from acting on your desires out of respect towards both the human male and myself, so that speaks in favour of your judgement and honesty. For that, I thank you. All the same, you chose not to tell Alistair about the development between us when you met him for what you humans call a 'date'. Regardless of your rationalisation, that was your chosen action, which tells me that whatever presided between us wasn't worth mentioning regardless the setting and the development of the evening. It suggests that whatever you felt, or what I was feeling when you were unconscious, didn't matter."

He turned around to face her, giving his answer. "You ask me what I want or need right now, and again, that is a question for you to answer. Not me. Whom do you want, Enyd Isolde Madsen?" he rasped without edge, empathising with her confusion since he'd felt it. "I can say, however, that I am not prepared to share in your confusion about whom you truly want. The involvement of more minds isn't preferable to that of a singular mind that I can trust. I struggle with emotions, learning how to feel on my own behest, and I will likely continue to do so the rest of my life."

Looking down towards the deck, he frowned and clenched his fists. "So what I want is you, what I need, is clarity... and right now, the involvement of this human male does not grant me that. Therefore, out of respect towards myself and my condition, I feel compelled to ask you to return when you know what you want, lest you will leave me as confused as you are... and twist my mind into accepting a shared relationship in spite of my personal needs."

Re: Day 11 [ 0900 hrs.] Steamy Tales to Trade

Reply #6 –
[ Lt. Enyd Isolde Madsen | Drauc’s Personal Quarters | D. 22 | V. 03 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Auctor Lucan

Enyd’s eyes narrowed in thought as she listened to Drauc’s words and observed his body language. Though the truth stung, at the same time, he was sharing honestly and openly. This worked to unwind many of the knots that had twisted together in her stomach. Enyd maintained a neutral facial expression and remained so focused on Drauc that no mental images, no straying thoughts, nothing popped up in her mind that could derail her from ingesting his feedback. When he finished, Enyd gave a curt nod and made to rise from the table to comply with his request to leave, then stopped and looked back to Drauc with an expression of curiosity.

“You were able to respond, not react just now, Drauc. I’m living in my skin and having to suffer through my own thoughts, and I know you are privy to them both, but at this moment, you were able to maintain yourself and respond.” Enyd gave a warm smile as she continued to observe him. “You were you, and I was me, no confusion or overwhelming. That’s something to celebrate despite everything else I fucked up.”

She truly was pleased with that reality. Drauc hadn’t been able to tell her of all the nuances of his abilities before now, though he’d mentioned his ability to determine friend from foe when she’d asked him back on Qo’Nos, so it was entirely possible that what she saw as something to celebrate was something he’d always been able to do. He’d just been tormented by her overwhelming emotions and errant thoughts before this moment, but now, in the face of inadvertent manipulation, as he’d bluntly put it, he could withdraw and protect. Either way, it was comforting to Enyd that Drauc didn’t seem to be so much of the sponge as earlier conversations and interactions had led her to believe. Knowing that he had more barriers or the ability to place barriers in place reassured her that in the coming days, no matter what happened, he had the opportunity to thrive.

“Not to rehash things or make pathetic justifications,” Enyd snorted at her own words before giving a half shrug, “I told Alistair that the last man I’d kissed ended up in sickbay after wrestling a bear and warned him I bring bad luck to romantic endeavors.” Her sardonic humor increased, and Enyd snorted again, this time shaking her head. “How true that is. In any case, the details were partially left because I did not feel I had the authority to speak on your behalf, as I know you are a private person. But they were also left out because I did not know how to answer his questions regarding my thoughts and feelings if he had any. Hence why I came here and, before I fall back into a conversational cycle, you’ve already responded to,” Enyd pushed away from the table and gave another curt nod, “thank you.”

Though having the physical reassurance that even if she’d created an emotional conundrum, they could part as friends would have been appreciated, Enyd was not about to ask for a handshake or even hope for a hug. Instead, she kept her hands at her sides, a soft smile pulling at her lips, as she gave Drauc another nod, this one slower. It was a struggle to keep her emotions in check, and her mind calm, but Enyd did her best for his sake. She’d barged in here and thrown so much at him that he’d not deserved; the least she could do was try to shield him from her own sense of insecurity and the growing fear that, for all her best intentions, she was going to end up alone. And perhaps that was the best option for someone like her. It seemed she really did just bring unnecessary frustration, pain, and even death to the table. An isolated family ranch in Montana as dowry was not enough to offset that amount of chaos.

Clearing her throat of the emotional lump that threatened to cut off her words, Enyd maintained her smile as she spoke. “I appreciate your honesty, your assertion. You are correct on many points, and I do not want to inadvertently manipulate you or present more problems. No one should be cursed with the tempest that is my mind,” Enyd gave a sighing chuckle, “and yet you have borne with it with far more patience and consideration than I often give myself. Thank you for that as well. You are quite a man, Drauc. One I admire and respect beyond mere physicality. And I will remove myself from your quarters out of respect for your boundaries and not seek you out until I have greater clarity. You do not deserve to live through my angst alongside me.”

No one does, Enyd’s insecurity barked at her intrusively, but she clenched her jaw in response. The fingers of her right hand twitched at the thought of moving his hair to the side and pressing a soft kiss to his brow. Be it an apology, a wish, a promise, or a mixture of all. Aside from that brief thought—one she knew he’d sense—and her fingers twitching at the temptation, Enyd did nothing. She was on the verge of turning to leave, not waiting for further dismissal, when a thought came, a brief image of Victor’s smiling face being recalled.

“If you are amiable to correspondence, I would genuinely enjoy furthering our acquaintance via written communication. Romantic intrigue aside, I have appreciated gleaning insight into life and living from your perspective from our conversations so far. And as we will soon work more closely with other Romulans, I…” Enyd’s mind took a detour and brought up the image of Hirek’s smirk, her body recoiling at the memory of her kidnapping and his shooting her to enable defection. Clenching her jaw again and fisting her hands, she pushed forward, “I, well, I would appreciate having someone to talk to about circumstances.”

Nervousness at having made such a request on the tail-end of his telling her to get the hell out in the most polite way possible flooded her body and drove Enyd to clasp her hands together. “No pressure, Drauc. If you’d rather just leave silence between us until I can get things organized and neatly boxed, I respect that. At the end of the day, I want you to be as close to content and happy as possible. If that means no peep out of  me or hint of my existence, then I will gladly accept that.”

Re: Day 11 [ 0900 hrs.] Steamy Tales to Trade

Reply #7 –
[ Drauc T'Laus | Personal Quarters | Deck 22 | Vector 03 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Ellen Fitz  
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That his ability to protect himself against manipulation ought to be lauded was a small comfort compared to knowing how betrayed he should be feeling... yet remaining unable to act out his grief over it.

This was not news to him either. Dyan Cardamone had forced herself upon him by making him amendable to her advances, but it was he whom had given her an ultimatum; That if he complied with her wishes, and let her get what she wanted, she was supposed to leave him be afterwards - ceasing to harass him with her ill behaviour and thoughts. It was a source of great shame for him, but at least he had asserted as much control that he'd given conditions for his compliance. The difference now, was that he had known Cardamone to be a foe rather than a friend. In Enyd's case, he had thought her more than that. Whereas her feelings towards him were not for him alone.

Drauc knew he was supposed to rage, and feel the pain when someone important hurt you. He knew he should feel vulnerable as he had counted on Enyd to be there for him once he left sickbay. Intellectually, he knew he was supposed to experience betrayal, anger, self-blaming, loss of confidence and a wish to withdraw - more so than he already did given his condition. He knew others might develop symptoms of depression and anxiety, affecting self-esteem and leading towards a distrust in people who claimed they cared about him. Any other paranoid Romulan might state that she wasn't giving any credit to his words when he told her his feelings towards her remained even when she was unconscious - dodging that fact since it would paint her actions with Alistair in an unflattering light - yet Drauc felt nothing but the confusing emotions of a woman that didn't know what she wanted.

She was struggling to keep her emotions in check, but for what it was worth, Drauc was grateful that she at least tried. Since she did seemed to care for him - only not enough to just want him - he felt that she regretted that he wanted her to leave, and he shared in that regret, almost saying that he wished her to stay. Though that would not be in his best interest, since that path would lead him to betraying himself - to a place that wasn't good for him. Simply put, she hadn't made him a priority... so he shouldn't make her one either.

Then, she asked if she could at least correspond with him via messages, and his first instinct was to immediately say yes.

Though he knew he should pace himself. He tried to ignore the beguiling wishes for her to touch him, to brush aside his hair, and turned to look out the viewport - collecting his thoughts before answering. Did he feel that the relationship was salvageable? Perhaps, but only if she made up her mind. Even then, could he trust her to only wish to be with him, given what she'd said and relayed to him in her thoughts? Right then, dealing with the situation as it had been presented to him, he didn't know. Perhaps it was better to take a break from someone whom had betrayed you, so that he could gain more clarity about the situation? He had already set up his boundaries, and addressed what may need to change, but still she wished to commune with him? This, via messages that held no emotional imprint, and would have him wonder what motivated every choice of word, or possible insinuation that she could make?

His experience told him, from observing others, that if one were to stay in a relationship with someone who knowingly hurt you... you would be enabling them. Then, there would no reason for them to stop.

"It would be more beneficial for you to seek counsel from Major Situka," he rasped quietly. "I have naught to contribute off the battlefield."

He turned around, and with great regret, he had to end the conversation lest it would tear down his fortifications.

"Goodbye, Enyd Isolde Madsen."

After she left, and he was alone once more in his quarters, he knew he should be venting his emotions. He knew that during time of anger, a betrayed person needed to vent. Yet he knew that, even if he could so so, it would only lead to escalating anger. He knew he needed to vent to someone who would listen and validate his anger without feeding it, though the problem was that when Enyd left...

...Drauc struggled to feel anything, even if he wanted to.
 

Re: Day 11 [ 0900 hrs.] Steamy Tales to Trade

Reply #8 –
[ Lt. Enyd Isolde Madsen | Drauc’s Personal Quarters | D. 22 | V. 03 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Auctor Lucan

Enyd felt his words fall like ice on her nerves. She welcomed the numbing pain they brought her. She deserved that. She deserved more than that, but she knew, as did Drauc, that so long as she was near him, he’d feel nothing but what she felt, which was far from fair. Maybe one day he would happen upon some technique to build up boundaries, but it was not today, and she was not the emotional guru who could lead him to that much-desired insight. Instead, she’d brought him nothing but confusion and very literal injury.

Her request for correspondence had had little to do with work, but she didn’t fault Drauc for speaking aloud only work-related concepts. Those were safer topics to voice aloud in the space between them. Especially after this emotional fiasco she’d brought upon them both. Biting back the urge to cry with regret for the unnecessary pain she’d brought into his life, Enyd gave a quick nod. Drauc had turned his back on her by this point, but he would sense everything within her.

“If there comes a day where I may be met with your forgiveness, and we might make amends or move forward, please seek me out. If you wish to.” She didn’t say that her attraction and interest in him remained because he’d sense it again, but neither did she want to draw attention to it. “Goodbye, Drauc.” She activated the door and stepped into the corridor, speaking the last over her shoulder as the doors slid shut. “Live long and prosper.”

She refused to give in to the temptation to hug her arms across her chest in self-comfort. Enyd deserved no comfort, just as Drauc deserved far more than she’d given him. Squaring her shoulders and clenched fists at her side, Enyd swallowed the bile in her throat and walked away from Drauc’s quarters. She truly hoped that they could have a greater resolution between them in the coming days, but it was not for her to press. Especially not with Drauc. And it wasn’t even that she expected a picking up where they’d left off before the bear attack either. She could learn how to content herself with his friendship and would have to learn how to control her errant thoughts better, regardless. But for now, this would be what they had between them: crushed hopes and bitter regret.

Her grandmother had always told her there were two types of people in life, those you enjoyed seeing and those you enjoyed seeing go. Enyd got the distinct feeling she was the latter to Drauc now and would be for some time. And Enyd did not fault him in the slightest for that. It was yet to be determined if Alistair would be of a similar ilk, but that was someone she’d have to talk to later. Enyd took a deep breath and quickly let it out on a rush. She had other mountains to climb today. Best leave that one to be tackled when her heart felt a bit less broken from self-sabotage and guilty for causing Drauc pain.

The only way to keep from wallowing in self-pity was to get back to work. Perhaps that would be her bedmate for the rest of her days: her vocation. Enyd gritted her teeth. Self-pity would do no good. Onward and upward. Mend, revise, move on. Accept that she'd been an impulsive bitch all around, do what she could to make amends, and accept the consequences. Life was like that. Not always pleasure and success. Bitter and disappointment were always aplenty to be had as well.

"Deck 2," Enyd spoke to Thea once she entered the turbolift.

Turbolift in motion, she closed her eyes and leaned against the wall, growling when a rebellious tear leaked out.

FIN
 
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