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Day 12 [0245 hrs.] Companionable Insomniacs

[Lieutenant Alistair Leavitt | Below Decks Lounge | Deck 28 | USS Theurgy ] Attn. @Juzzie 
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Captain Jiji, laughing on the Bridge, coffee in hand. Commander Cak snapping his mandibles merrily behind her. Just scanning for signals, just another day, minor subspatial dusruption, need to tell Selena later and recalibrate, weird that I'm naked, I kind of like it. Nadene sitting in the chair by the science console, naked, her face contorted into inhuman lust by Niga, Enyd dancing sensually by the conn, Sarah sitting in front of the viewscreen in that see-through nightgown...

RED ALERT! Borg beaming in everywhere, shit, they've adapted to our phasers, THEY'VE GOT ME, must fight, no no no, don't want to see...Cak screaming, Captain Leroux, her face twisted by implants, laughing manically, Cak's heart in her hands, she's coming towards me, no, she's going to make me one of them, she's getting closer, Sarah is being assimilated, please no, don't make me one of them, don't make me hurt the others, she's on me, NO NO NO NO!

Alistair screamed as he shot out of bed, falling heavily on his side. His heart was hammering painfully, his breath coming sharp and fast. He lay there for a long moment, hyper-aware of the feel of the carpet against his bare skin. Finally Alistair sat up, running a hand over his face and grimacing.

So that was it. The first real nightmare. He'd wondered when they'd come. Somewhat shakily, Alistair got to his feet, realising that he was still shaking, his skin being cold and clammy. After taking a few deep breaths, he removed his pants, intent on having a shower...and then he stared downwards.

"What the hell?" Alistair murmured, baffled and more than a bit concerned by his erect and stiff manhood. Sure, he remembered dreaming of sexy things before the horrors came, but he was still quite hard and the erection showed no sign of going away. That couldn't be normal, right? Sarah had scanned him and confirmed that there was no trace of Niga...maybe it was an aftereffect of the night with Enyd? He hadn't masterbated since that night thanks to a drug given to him by the kind doctor, which had temporarily killed his sex drive (necessary to return to his quarters without more embarrassment). Yeah, maybe that was it.

Trying not to worry, Alistair headed into the bathroom. Realising with resignation that he might as well got on with the inevitable, Alistair stepped inside the shower, switched on the water and relished the feeling of the hot water flowing over his muscular body, comforting steam beginning to surround him. After glancing down at his stubborn erection, Alistair sighed, closed his eyes, wrapped a hand around his engorged member and began slowly pumping.

The fantasies were run of the mill at first, drawn from distant memories; Mariel in his lap in that hot tub, panting as she rode him.  Sandy in the tent, slyly unzipping her jumpsuit to her waist. Gradually the fantasy shifted to the frenetic madness of Betazed, the naked redhead doctor touching herself as she watched him do the same, but Alistair forced himself away from that Pandora's box.

Instead (with his body heating up, his pumping accelerating) his mind shifted to that stage, with Enyd and Klar and Yuvvor. He imagined what might have happened had they not stopped when they did; Enyd taking off her skirt and underwear before gently lowering herself atop him, groaning at the contact. Klar and Yuvvor standing nearby, both naked as well, Yuvvor pumping Klar's enormous ridged erection as they both watched.

Needing more, feeling himself getting close amidst the heat and wetness of the shower, Alistair imagined more people; Sarah joining Klar and Yuvvor, the Klingon crowd roaring with approval. Then Natalie Stark appeared, her curvaceous figure unavoidable as she sat on the stage. Enyd rode him ever more passionately in the fantasy, her body rocking back and forth, her moans growing louder. Sarah approached Natalie and the two women kissed passionately on the stage, soon joined by Klar, who wasted no time in kneeling behind Sarah, guiding his enormous manhood to her rear and beginning to thrust into her with enthusiasm, while Natalie resumed touching herself.

On the verge, Alistair imagined himself flipping Enyd onto her back and driving into her with wild abandon, the eyes of everyone upon him, closer, Enyd was crying out in pleasure, he was inside of her, harder and harder...

Finally, as his fantasy self erupted inside Enyd, he also released in reality, warm stickiness coating his fingers as the numbing euphoria swept through his body. After riding the climax for a good few moments, Alistair eventually opened his eyes, the stark reality of his surroundings providing a sharp shock. He sighed as he started to clean himself, reflecting rather guiltily on how he'd coped with the nightmare. The thought of how being 'watched' had turned him on was also disquieting revelation, and an unwanted one. Alistair had barely even begun to process that he might be bisexual now; a new kink on top of that did not help matters.

"I need more therapy," he muttered as he began spreading soap on his chest. "Lots and lots of therapy..."


Half an hour later, dressed in his uniform and feeling much more clear-headed, Alistair headed down to the lounge, intent on making the night productive if he wasn't going to sleep. With a PADD in hand, he grabbed an indulgent large cheeseburger with chips, plus some orange juice, before looking around the lounge. Given that it was midshift and the middle of the night for most of the crew, the place was quite empty. Nevertheless, Alistair spotted a familiar face at a table and, with a smile, he headed over to the other man.

"Hi Counselor," he said as he got nearer before wincing. "No, uh, wait, sorry, first names right? So...uh...Rhys." Alistair smiled hesitantly. "Er...want some company? As friends, not counselor and patient. I figure that if you're like me, you're up this late because you can't sleep either."

Re: Day 12 [0245 hrs.] Companionable Insomniacs

Reply #1 –
[Lt. Rhys Williams | Below Decks Lounge | Deck 28 | USS Theurgy ] attn: @Griff

A variety of strange noises had emanated from Rhys’s quarters from the moment he went to bed till the moment he gave up and go out of bed. Rhys had tried everything, sweet smelling candles, hot milky drinks, and a variety of relaxing music and ambient noises. Nothing worked he just could not sleep. His eyes felt itchy with how tired he was, but his mind would not be quiet. Thoughts kept swimming through his head ideas for work, ideas for social activities fears, and hopes. Everything bounced around like lost and confused particle.

Rhys sat up, his body glistening slightly with cold sweat as the bed clothes lay tangled around his lean strong limbs. He put his face into his hands and let out a long-irritated groan. He was feeling manic and there was little at this stage he knew he could do about it. He looked at his model making kit and thought or a moment about completing that model of a Klingon Bird of Prey he had been thinking about for a while, but he also wanted to work, he wanted to go to the holodeck and sail, and swim and play rugby. He eyed his guitar maybe he could write that song he had had in his head for days now or write that book he had always wanted to.

He vibrated with indecision. He wanted to do all of these things and nothing. Eventually he had to say “STOP!” to himself. This was not doing him any good. It was late maybe that best thing to do was to try to tire himself out with a walk, and maybe have a comforting hot chocolate or something in the Below Decks Lounge.

It had been such chaotic thinking that had led Rhys to dress himself and end up in the lounge. He had taken a place by a window. In his hands was a mug of hot chocolate and he was sprawled in his chair trying to relax as best he could despite the image of the starfield before him did help a little. It was both soothing and terrifying at the same time.

Soon his reverie was interrupted when Alistair arrived, he almost jumped in shock as he had been completely zoned out still trying to calm his far to loud thoughts. He smiled a little as Alistair corrected himself and addressed the young Welshman as ‘Rhys’. Though it felt to Rhys if there might be a bit of that forced awkward bon-ami. A little bit like when a boss says ‘Please call me Steve’. There still seemed to be this nervousness around Alistair when addressing Rhys, Rhys understood it. In many ways they felt like kindred spirits. Rhys felt awful for thinking that because Alistair was so awkward that Rhys felt a lot less socially weird around him. It was still true, however. Rhys nodded when Alistair asked if he wanted company and pointed to the seat opposite his. “Please do, and yes not a chance of sleep tonight I think.” He pointed to his head “Too much going on up here for the moment.” He said smiling faintly. Rhys probably looked a bit dishevelled and if Alistair looked, he would notice that Rhys’ right leg jiggled in place almost like it wanted to be elsewhere.

In a slightly selfish way it occurred to Rhys that if Alistair was having issues it would be a good thing to focus on and maybe that would allow Rhys to get some sleep later. He smiled kindly at muscular gent opposite him. “So what’s going on?” He sipped his hot chocolate and made a pleased “Ahhhhh” sound.

Re: Day 12 [0245 hrs.] Companionable Insomniacs

Reply #2 –
[Lieutenant Alistair Leavitt | Below Decks Lounge | Deck 28 | USS Theurgy ] Attn. @Juzzie 
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After sitting down, Alistair smiled sympathetically, grateful that it was Rhys that he found himself with. The gentle counselor was easy company; there were no expectations or social friction to contend with. It was just...comfortable, more so than if he was sitting across from Selena, or the stern Cross, or the incorrigible Enyd. Relaxing, Alistair looked somewhat envious as he watched Rhys drink his hot chocolate.

"I might just have some of that in a bit," he said as he drank his own orange juice, delaying his answer. "Uh...you know, just trouble sleeping, like most of the crew, I guess. Some nights are good, some nights are bad. When half the galaxy is going mad, that's to be expected."

Conscious of his stated intention to avoid slipping into the counselor-patient dynamic, Alistair continued, "I guess that I know what it feels like. You know, having thoughts rampaging all the time. It's exhausting. I was a real night owl when I lived on Vulcan, always too excited, too amped up."

Glancing down at the planet for a moment, Alistair hesitated before looking back at Rhys, noticing the jiggling leg. "Anyway, what's going on...er..." After a moment's thought, Alistair chuckled wryly before gently picking up his cheeseburger. "Maybe you could go first, talk about something, anything. I'm not sure where to start with what's been happening to me lately, and I'm rubbish with small talk. Have you...um, let's see, been anywhere? Seen anything interesting? Been on any dates? Unless you already have someone, of course."

Realising that he was babbling, Alistair stopped himself before grinning awkwardly. "I think that by the rule of friends who can't sleep who are chatting at...urgh, three in the morning, I'm automatically sworn to silence about anything you tell me."

Re: Day 12 [0245 hrs.] Companionable Insomniacs

Reply #3 –
[Lt. Rhys Williams | Below Decks Lounge | Deck 28 | USS Theurgy ]
attn: @Griff
Rhys smiled softly as he looked at Alistair, there was something different about him he had picked that up quickly on their first meeting. Most people intimidated Rhys mostly unintentionally. He wasn’t the thrusting ambitious type he was also deeply socially anxious, in Alistair he felt there was something of a kindred spirit. Their ways of coping seemed different, Rhys stayed quiet during the awkward moments, Alistair tried to fill it with conversation.

It was not often Rhys felt protective about someone. He was full of sympathies for patients and most of the crew for what had happened about them. However, there was something about Alistair that brought out this desire to hug him and say, ‘Its fine.’ Maybe he was just recognising someone else who had been wounded by his experiences.

They barely knew each other and still even without Alistair’s promise not to keep quiet about what Rhys may tell him, the young Welshman thought he might still have trusted him. Rhys still went a nice vivid pink at the suggestion he talk about ‘dates’. He worried that maybe the events of the past few weeks might make him look bad. Plus, Rhys was shy of discussing subjects like that at all.

He took a moment before responding, mulling over exactly how much to share. “I’m not sure…. There have been a lot of…. Developments recently.” It had all of course started with Stellan’s injury and his exile to the world of cyrogenic freezing and resulted in him sleeping with a close friend and a person he was meant to be evaluating who was otherwise a stranger to him.

He sighed and spoke. His hands moved expressively in front of him as he spoke slowly as if he was trying to think about each word he was saying. “I had this ‘friend’…” The way he said friend spoke volumes “… who was rapidly becoming more than that. He got injured in an incident in the holodeck.”  The phrase ‘got injured’ also came with a heap of baggage, Rhys still viewed himself as responsible.

His heart was beating faster, he took a sip of his hot chocolate to wet his drying lips. “I then went to a part with an old friend of mine…. And ended up… ahem… sleeping with her.” He looked deeply embarrassed and moved on. “Then a few days later I ended up sleeping with a handsome older… gentleman who was pretty much a stranger to me.” He had moved from pink to a dazzling red. He found himself unable to look the other man in they eye, he ended up looking out at the stars. “I don’t know where this has come from this is not like me.” A treacherous voice reminded him of a threesome he had had with a certain diplomatic officer and her girlfriend. “… usually.” He said weakly. “Normally I have these voices telling me, not to take risks, that I’ll fail if I peruse someone. That I’ll never be happy, that there is something wrong with me.” He sighed and bit his bottom lip. “Now I have this confident voice telling me to take risks, that I can do anything. ‘Why shouldn’t that guy want to sleep with you, you are a catch.” He looked back there was a slight hint of panic in his eyes. “Its kind of scary.” He then realised that what he was saying sounded bizarre. What was so bad about having a voice giving him a big of confidence for once, he couldn’t explain why but he felt uneasy.

Feeling like he had said to much, he suddenly panicked and with a slight squeak to his voice replied. “So how about you.” It was the weakest attempt at diverting from an uncomfortable topic in his history of awkward conversations. He was worried about thinking about the voice for too long who knew what it might try and persuade him to do next. The thought then occurred. ‘This guy is kind of handsome.’ No no no no! He mentally attempted to force the voice back into the burrow it seemed to have made around his libido.

Re: Day 12 [0245 hrs.] Companionable Insomniacs

Reply #4 –
[Lieutenant Alistair Leavitt | Below Decks Lounge | Deck 28 | USS Theurgy ] Attn. @Juzzie 
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Busy eating his burger (and trying not to make a mess of it), Alistair listened with increasing astonishment to Rhys's recent romantic and sexual escapades. The bedroom adventures weren't surprising themselves; Alistair had served with enough sexually vivacious colleagues of various species that such stories no longer made him blush as they once did, although he still felt a funny jolt in his stomach all the same. No, what astonished Alistair was the clear disbelief in Rhys's voice that he had actually done such things. It was oddly familiar.

The grief in Rhys's words about his first lover was also quite familiar, and telling. Alistair didn't say anything (his mouth was full at the time), but looking at Rhys's boyish features, he felt a swell of affection for the man. Someone who felt loss so keenly was a rare treasure. Alistair thought guiltily back to Nadene and his own grief; if he spoke of her, would he sound as pained? Was the date with Enyd really appropriate so soon after that loss?

Shaking off the errant thoughts, Alistair focused on Rhys, smiling at the Welshman's hurried change of subject. "I can't really claim to have been as...uh...busy," he said quietly amidst the empty lounge, and now he blushed. "Not counting Niga, it's been a couple of years since I've been with...er...anyone. In that way." Alistair set down what was left of his burger, considering Rhys for a long moment. "Obviously I don't know you well, but from what I've seen, you are a catch. You're obviously attractive and sweet and, uh, caring. I think that you can have anyone if you really want to, and they'd be lucky to have you, either in bed for a night or something more permanent. Maybe my voice doesn't count for much besides the others, but...well, there it is."

Smiling bashfully, Alistair took a deep breath. "I guess you did it, you trusted me, so I'll share too. I'm not sure if you know Enyd Madsen, the deputy CDO? We went on a date to Qo'nos last night. I took her to this Klingon comedy show in Saq'wa. A Klingon friend of mine suggested it, years ago. The thing is, he didn't tell me how...uh...wild it could get." Shaking his head (but smiling awkwardly all the same), he continued, "it started out reasonable, but as the show went on, it got more...um...raunchy, and the crowd were really getting into it. The intermission got called early when it looked like the performers started to take each other's clothes off onstage. The director beamed them out, but by then the crowd, after they left the auditorium...Enyd and I didn't do anything ourselves, didn't see anything besides a lot of kissing, but that place had a lot of dark corners, and the sound carried."

Alistair chuckled as he cradled his face in his hands. "I know that I saw a couple of groups...um...coming out together. One group of three, and another group of four. I can't imagine having sex with more than one person at a time, never mind in public, but the Klingons just looked...exhilirated, I guess. I was amazed. Sort of impressed, too, wishing that I was that bold."

He exhaled then, chucking again at the irony. "And then it got worse, if you can believe that. I guess you haven't seen the video yet."

Re: Day 12 [0245 hrs.] Companionable Insomniacs

Reply #5 –
[Lt. Rhys Williams | Below Decks Lounge | Deck 28 | USS Theurgy ] attn: @Griff

Some of what Alistair said did surprise Rhys. The idea that he had been a couple of years without being with anyone was a surprise. In Rhys’s view Alistair was a well-built man with an awkward charm, he was the kind of person Rhys saw as a magnet for hugs and help.

The young Welshman also blushed vividly and obviously when Alistair described him as a catch. Rhys found himself unable to meet Alistair’s gaze when he described him in such glowing terms. Rhys was never good at taking compliments. There was also some useful advice and modes of thinking couched in the pleasing sentiments. Clearly there was something about himself that appealed to people, maybe he didn’t have to understand it or worry about it, maybe this voice was saying something helpful. Rhys smiled and placed a hand on Alistair’s shoulder. “Of course, your voice counts. There is a lot of kindness and wisdom in there.”

Soon it was Alistair’s turn to begin sharing. There was a small cute shy smile on his face as he began to share. Rhys kept his hand reassuringly on Alistair’s shoulder, a small warm feeling spreading through him that his being open and honest with Alistair was seeming to provoke the same response from his friend.

What followed was a very surprising discussion. He mentioned Enyd Madsen, a name he thought he had heard before but certainly not someone he really knew. Rhys tried to keep the surprise off his face as Alistair described the clearly sexually charged events of his date with her. Klingon humour and Klingon’s in general had always terrified him. The idea of a comedy show descending into what seemed to basically amount to an orgy was alien to Rhys.

“Wow.” Said Rhys after a moment. “It sounds like… a lot.” That statement seemed inadequate and yet at the same time was a very appropriate response. There was clear evidence of embarrassment on Alistair’s face and in his mannerisms. Rhys cocked his head sympathetically to the side. “I’d have found that difficult but did Enyd enjoy herself. Would you say the date went well.” Rhys was aware that even a date that on the surface was a bit of a disaster could sometimes be more fun that what you were intending to do.

Re: Day 12 [0245 hrs.] Companionable Insomniacs

Reply #6 –
[Lieutenant Alistair Leavitt | Below Decks Lounge | Deck 28 | USS Theurgy ] Attn. @Juzzie 
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Alistair laughed as he rubbed the back of his neck, grimacing in embarrassment. "Uh...you could...say that..." he said as he glanced around them. "To be honest, I think that the crazier things became, the happier Enyd was.  When Klar and Yuvvor...uh, they were the performers...when they spotted us in the crowd, the only humans, Enyd pretty much dragged me onstage. It was insane. I figured that we'd enjoy some weird Klingon comedy, not that I'd end up being slapped in the face by an incredible penis and stripped naked in front of a thousand Klingons. Uh...erect, too, just to make it more bizarre."

Considering Rhys for a moment, Alistair shrugged. "Like you said, it's not me at all, but with Enyd there, I...sort of...enjoyed it. Definitely enjoyed it, actually. The night got crazier and crazier after that. The pole-dancing...Klar, he was incredible, he did moves that I didn't even...the lap-dance too...just...yeah."

Grinning (and most assuredly blushing) as he finished his orange juice, Alistair averted his eyes for a moment before looking at Rhys again. "You can access the video recording on the Klingon networks, if you like. It shouldn't be hard to find. Turns out the establishment distribute recordings of their best shows. I've thought about erasing the thing but I'd have to penetrate half the networks on Qo'nos to erase every copy, not to mention the Theurgy and Oneida. Besides, Enyd didn't seem to mind everyone seeing us naked and...uh, more than naked, and honestly, I don't think that I do either."

Alistair chuckled. "We're a pair, huh, you and me? Getting pushed out of our comfort zones and finding that we sort of like it." He considered Rhys again, his blue eyes idly tracing the Welshman's face and torso as he reflected on another revelation of that night. "So...what were your...uh...liaisons...like? Anything unusual, or...anyone unusual?" Realising what he was saying, Alistair winced. "Oh, er, it's perfectly alright if that's too far outside your comfort zone, I know it's very personal. Guess I'm a bit hyped up."

Re: Day 12 [0245 hrs.] Companionable Insomniacs

Reply #7 –
[Lt. Rhys Williams | Below Decks Lounge | Deck 28 | USS Theurgy ] attn: @Griff

Rhys remained quiet as Alistair divulged what had happened that night with him an Enyd. He felt a strange mix of amusement and a protective instinct over the other man’s embarrassment. He was sure whether he wanted to chuckle along or give the guy a hug, or both.  He did take not of Alistair’s wording of certain events. The phrase ‘incredible penis’, made Rhys wonder if there was a curiosity there from his engineer friend. Alistair struck him as a very sweet guy, but the straightest of the straight he wondered if he was wrong about that. Even in more enlightened times there was still some apprehension especially from those who were shy to begin with. He did not mention his thoughts for the as he had no desire to put the guy in an uncomfortable spot. He was already doing a lot by sharing this story.

The feeling that maybe there was a curiosity, was reflected to Rhys again in the way he talked about Klar. Rhys knew from first-hand experience that Bisexuality could be pretty confusing. Though much of the prejudice had gone, things were still deeply heteronormative. If you were someone like Rhys it was easy to think of yourself as Straight, then the right guy came along and suddenly things were not so simple. Rhys had found it a challenge especially because he struggled to understand his own feelings much of the time anyway. Was this just a cool person you wanted to get close to or was it more than that.

Then Alistair surprised Rhys by indicating that there was a video recording of it on the Klingon network. Rhys raised his eyebrows, his mouth opened slightly. “Oh really?” He said biting his lip as he thought about how to respond. “You don’t mind? Well, I wouldn’t look at it unless you were ok with it.” Maybe there was an exhibitionist streak in his friend. Deeply buried but there none the less. However, boundaries were important, and he had no desire to make Alistair uncomfortable. So, he’d never seek out the video unless his friend was certain it did not bother him, despite his curiosity.


Rhys laughed back, when Alistair joked about the two of them getting pushed out of their comfort zones. Rhys shrugged, “Sometimes it can be a healthy experience.” Indeed, Rhys had suggested it a few times to patients who were excessively risk adverse. Taking little steps out of your comfort zone in a relaxed environment with people who cared about you could be a good thing.


Rhys’ cheeks coloured as Alistair asked a direct question, or perhaps from the look the Engineer was giving him, or had he imagined that? Alistair soon apologised. Rhys shook his head and placed a gentle hand on his knee giving a reassuring squeeze. “No its ok.” He thought for a moment. “I can’t be too specific because, I am not sure if… my partners would want me to share.” He didn’t imagine Zark would care but it would be wrong to assume that, and Hirek well that was potentially an ethical breach on Rhys’ part. He had to be careful what he said. “One was with a friend I’ve known for some time. The other…” he paused looking to see if anyone was around. “Was with someone I was meant to be assessing.” His look had a ‘please don’t tell anyone.’, quality to it. “There were also two people I barely knew on Aldea…” He said biting his lip. Did this make him sound bad too promiscuous? “Its all so, unlike me normally I struggle to find partners.” He said his face a pleasant shade of pink.

Re: Day 12 [0245 hrs.] Companionable Insomniacs

Reply #8 –
[Lieutenant Alistair Leavitt | Below Decks Lounge | Deck 28 | USS Theurgy ] Attn. @Juzzie 
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Somewhat distracted by Rhys's hand on his knee, Alistair cleared his throat awkwardly, surprised by how much he actually liked being touched. Such casual intimacy was unusual for human men, so he'd had minimal experience with such things. As Rhys delicately reflected on his partners, Alistair's smile grew, rather liking the other man's nervy embarrassment and growing blush. It was unquestionably cute, rather similar to Sarah in a way. The revelation that Rhys had intimate relations with a patient made Alistair's eyes widen, as did...

"Hang on, two...oh dear me," Alistair chuckled, shaking his head. "Wow. You're braver than I am. I wouldn't have a clue what to do in that circumstance. Er...if you don't mind me forming a conclusion, though, it sounds like these men and women are finding you, not the other way around. I understand why." He sat back, grinning nervously. "I have to admit, I'm very curious about it all. I've never talked about this stuff with a friend before...or even past girlfriends, really. It's liberating. I respect your...er, respect for your partners' privacy, though."

Glancing down at the remnants of his forgotten meal, Alistair hesitated before continuing. "I guess you asked the important question earlier, right? Are you having fun?" Considering Rhys for a moment, he smiled weakly, realising with alarm that a clear attraction to the man was forming, and praying that Rhys didn't notice. "You know better than I do that times of crisis can be formative. We learn new things about ourselves."

Like that I might now like men and have a growing urge to see you without that uniform on...crap. I'm in trouble. First Sarah, then Enyd, now my counselor?

"If you're enjoying these...erm...well, situations," Alistair said, looking Rhys in the eye and driving on to distract himself (but shifting his weight uncomfortably all the while), "and your partners are enjoying themselves too, which is pretty clear, then it sounds like you're developing a more open approach to intimacy. This could be your new normal. If so, I'm really happy for you, Rhys. A lot of bad things are happening right now, so it's nice to see something good."

Re: Day 12 [0245 hrs.] Companionable Insomniacs

Reply #9 –
[Lt. Rhys Williams | Below Decks Lounge | Deck 28 | USS Theurgy ] attn: @Griff

Rhys had wondered if revealing that he had been with two women was a mistake. However there seemed to be a nervous amusement coming from his friend. This led to Rhys giving his own nervous smile and laugh back to Alistair in return. “Bravery does not really come into it. They were both very much in charge of that situation.” He shrugged awkwardly, his shoulders moving pleasingly. “I’m not good at taking the lead. Despite all that’s happened its everyone else who tends to make the first move.” This much was true. He wondered if that had been one of the reasons for his struggles with intimacy in the past. Maybe shyness and awkwardness could come across as disinterest.

When Alistair revealed that he had never talked about this stuff before Rhys again felt a wave of both sympathy and familiarity. “Well, you can always talk to me. I won’t judge…” he paused and then spoke his deeply cringey joke, “unless of course you tell me you drown puppies on weekends. Then we might have issues.” He said laughing at the stupidness of his own joke.


Rhys did not notice the inner turmoil about Alistair’s growing attraction to Rhys. Rhys simply saw an all too familiar shyness and nervousness. What it stemmed from ultimately, he could not determine. “I am having fun. It’s just unnerving when you find you are not the person you thought you were. Or that you are becoming someone else.” When Alistair commented abut learning about himself. For a moment the counsellor hat transported on to his head as he asked the most Counsellorsish question ever. “What are you learning about yourself?” He said with innocence and earnestness.

Rhys listened to Alistair’s latest remarks and nodded. “That makes sense. If I am having fun just go with the flow.” Rhys smiled and gave Alistair and affectionate hug. “Thanks, I feel better. You should maybe try counselling yourself.” He said cheerily before letting go.

Re: Day 12 [0245 hrs.] Companionable Insomniacs

Reply #10 –
[Lieutenant Alistair Leavitt | Below Decks Lounge | Deck 28 | USS Theurgy ] Attn. @Juzzie 
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The hug was a pleasant surprise, and Alistair (having pointedly tried to move past Rhys's question) was left grinning like an idiot as the other man sat back down. Darn it, he liked the gentle touching and the hugs. Granted, he normally had those with lovers rather than friends (Rhys was a friend now, right?), but it felt nice all the same.

...A bit too nice, granted, but that was harmless, right? Right?

"Er..." Alistair said awkwardly at Rhys's last comment, before shrugging helplessly. "Honestly, I've actually had counselling training. It's nowhere near as comprehensive as yours, obviously, but part of my job at the DTI was helping temporal refugees...oh, they're people who've time-travelled to our time and can't go home right away. Well, I helped those people get settled, educated, helped them rebuild a social life...you can imagine. The DTI have specialist psychiatrists on staff, obviously, but it's important that anyone interacting with a temporal refugee has some training."

Smiling happily at Rhys, he continued, "It's not exactly why I joined, but I really loved that part of the work, helping people like that. It's hard, but it's rewarding. I guess you know that pretty well yourself."

With that, the two men fell into a companionable silence. The lounge was still blessedly empty, the lights slightly dimmed, the great vista of Qo'nos visible through the vast viewports. Considering the spectacular view, Alistair sighed.

"You asked what I'm learning about myself?" Alistair said hesitantly, looking at Rhys with a sheepish smile. "I haven't told anyone...I don't even think Enyd noticed, and she was right on my lap...but...uh...when Klar was dancing on that pole...you'll know when you see the video...I...realised...something. I...liked...watching...him. A lot." The words were spoken almost in a whisper, with Alistair's face burning at the confession, but he forced himself not to look away from Rhys. "It's something that I never considered before, but being with Enyd...she made me brave enough to think about these things, like no woman has before. Or, uh, man. Obviously."

Alistair sighed, running his hand over his scalp, his heart hammering mercilessly. He was sorely tempted to do something, anything; touch Rhys, flirt, whatever it took so that this adorable man could help him explore a new and fascinating frontier. Rhys was obviously experienced but also kind and gentle; the thought of being in bed with such a man, touching him, being touched by him...it was both frightening and exciting. What would it feel like to take another man's hard shaft inside him? To feel Rhys's hands on his buttocks, his grunts as he pushed in and pulled out?

Indeed, the very thought of it was leading to physical arousal, which led to the thought of what might happen if Rhys saw it, which only intensified the stiffening manhood further. Still, Alistair scolded himself to stay calm and sensible. He thought of Enyd (which didn't help the below-table trouser situation), but it did harden his resolve, admittedly in more ways than one. The attraction to Enyd was unquestionably stronger and deeper than the mainly physical attraction to Rhys, and he was determined not to hurt Enyd in any way.

"So..." Alistair said awkwardly, folding his hands strategically on his lap, "how did you...uh...handle this, when you figured it out? That is, if you're comfortable talking about that. I'm a bit clueless, to be honest."

Re: Day 12 [0245 hrs.] Companionable Insomniacs

Reply #11 –
[Lt. Rhys Williams | Below Decks Lounge | Deck 28 | USS Theurgy ] attn: @Griff

Rhys did wonder for a moment if he had made a mistake with the hug. Alistair was clearly socially awkward and now everyone was good with hugs. Perhaps he should have asked permission rather than springing it on him. Of course, that was the thing with Alistair because of his discomfort it was hard to determine if it was the conversation, the social interaction or the hug that was making him feel awkward. Rhys wondered if that was what it was like to interact with himself to for some people. Maybe that was a reason he had struggled to make friends in the past. After all if you weren’t sure what the best way to approach someone is, why would you do it at all.

Rhys smiled as Alistair talked about the training, he had had and the delight he had in helping others. Rhys admired those qualities in another person. As they fell into a companionable silence, Rhys sighed happily as he watched the starfield, his mind aimlessly somewhere else for a moment.

When Alistair started to speak again Rhys was surprised by Alistair’s admission to having enjoyed watching Klar dance. He kept his facial expression open but tried to give no indication of his surprise. Alistair was clearly uncomfortable, and Rhys could tell what he was getting at. So, Alistair was wondering if his enjoyment of Klar’s dance was not just admiration at a skill, but something more. Rhys felt his heart well with not just sympathy but familiarity. Rhys had been down this road to.

“How did I handle it?” He paused his face clearly showing he was thinking how best to express himself. He was doing his best to demonstrate that he was comfortable with this question. He knew that the more uncomfortable he acted the more Alistair might subconsciously feel there was something to be uncomfortable about. “With confusion.” He said finally with a small smile. “Mainly confusion. Being a Bisexual can be very confusing. Despite the advances we have had made, sex between men and women is still treated as the default.” He chewed his lip in thought. “So, it’s easy to interpret sexual attraction to a man as, admiration, envy, platonic love.”

Rhys returned to looking out the window, not in embarrassment but as if he was trying to put himself into another headspace. “It was so in conflict with my view of myself, for a while I pretended it wasn’t happening. Which is easy, but there is always someone who can snap you out of that.”

He turned back to looking at Alistair. “I guess I have quite an Analytical brain. I decided to put it to the test. Firstly, well by doing the obvious…” He said his blushing returning this time making even his ears pinken a little bit. “Then by going out with a guy.” He almost chuckled to himself. “A very flirtatious, hyper confident guy who was only too happy to help.” He said rolling his eyes a little in embarrassed amusement. “It gradually became clear, the way he talked and flirted me. The way he touched me… non sexually.” He added with a serious finger raised.

“The way he kissed me. I just couldn’t pretend it away anymore.” He shrugged his shoulders and reached out to take Alistair’s hand in his. He felt his hand brush against something, but he said nothing, nor did he make any indication he had noticed. “Its ok to be clueless everyone is in the beginning, and no more clueless than your first time realising you liked women either.” He patted Alistair’s hand in a sympathetic gesture. “I am glad you felt you could tell me.” He said smiling softly.

Re: Day 12 [0245 hrs.] Companionable Insomniacs

Reply #12 –
[Lieutenant Alistair Leavitt | Below Decks Lounge | Deck 28 | USS Theurgy ] Attn. @Juzzie 
[Show/Hide]

The last thing that Alistair needed was more physical contact with Rhys, especially grazing a certain area, but he forced himself not to react. There was no avoiding the increasing respirarion and flush of his skin, but he tried to not to betray anything all the same. Alistair considered simply leaving, but realised with horror that if he got up, his...situation...would become unavoidable. There was no option but to wait and stay with Rhys. It was a realisation that, in all fairness, was hardly unwelcome.

"Of course," Alistair said with a weak smile, waiting a few moments before pulling his hand back to covertly cover his groin. "You're a trustworthy person, and trust is a precious thing. Rewarding too. Getting all this off my chest with a friend...it's nice. I've been thinking about it a lot." Too much, as a certain shower fantasy suggested, but that did put Alistair's mind in the right place. "It's strange, I suppose. Ever since that date with Enyd, I've been...uh...distracted. Thinking about all that madness, what madness might happen in the future. I haven't had a serious relationship in a while, and it feels crazy to consider that when there's a galactic war on. Again. Still, I am considering it. I haven't felt like this after a first date since...well, ever, really."

Abruptly realising how lovesick he must look, Alistair grunted and shook himself, noting with profound relief that the erection had subsided. "Anyway, Enyd intimated that her situation is complicated, so I'm just...waiting. It's possible that nothing will happen, for whatever reason, which I'll have to accept. Maybe she came to her senses when the Klingon chips wore off." Catching Rhys's reaction, Alistair grinned. "Long story. If you see Klingon chips, avoid them. Trust me."

After a moment, Alistair eyed Rhys curiously as he ran a hand over his shaved head. "So, do you have anyone like that right now? A romantic partner, or someone that you might...well, you know, want to be a partner? Or even someone who wants you?"

Re: Day 12 [0245 hrs.] Companionable Insomniacs

Reply #13 –
[Lt. Rhys Williams | Below Decks Lounge | Deck 28 | USS Theurgy ] attn:

Rhys was not oblivious; it was obvious to him what was happening to Alistair. The way the other man blushed and was breathing harder. Other physical changes were not unnoticeable either. Rhys surprised himself again with how he felt about this. Normally when there were obvious signs someone was attracted to him, he would have reacted with nervousness. Maybe it was to dissonance between how they clearly saw him and how he saw himself. This time however he felt calm and was far more intently focused on how Alistair was feeling.

He released Alistair’s hand and smiled. His eyes unconsciously darting south of Alistair’s waist. “I’m sorry. I’m not aiming to make you uncomfortable.” He said deliberately steepling his own hands on the table away from Alistair. He let Alistair talk about Enyd, and his thoughts on the possibility of a relationship between the two. His reference to Klingon chips caused Rhys’ eyebrows to raise. “I’ll take your word for it.” He did however want to pick up some of Alistair’s wording. “What do you mean by her 'coming to her senses'?” He had an idea what Alistair meant he just wanted him to think on it a little.

Then Alistair asked him a personal question. He wasn’t sure how to answer. He had the feeling Hirek would be only too happy to have sex again, he doubted the man wanted something more than that. Though in truth he found the Romulan hard to read, and he had been avoiding him while trying to figure out what was going on in his own head. Zark, was different she had basically invited him to join her other partners back home. She had used the word orgy. He again had no idea if this was something more formal that she wanted. Andorian culture was something he didn’t understand. He chewed his bottom lip for a moment. “I don’t know. I know there are people who would like to get physical with me.” He made a pointed effort not to look at Alistair, the poor man was already so red. “As to something more formal, I don’t know. I don’t even really trust my own judgement in that.” It was true, Rhys knew one of his many social weaknesses was his tendency to attach himself to the first person who showed him any kind of affection and kindness. A person who could keep the negative thoughts in his head quiet.

Re: Day 12 [0245 hrs.] Companionable Insomniacs

Reply #14 –
[Lieutenant Alistair Leavitt | Below Decks Lounge | Deck 28 | USS Theurgy ] Attn. @Juzzie 
[Show/Hide]

Hyperaware as he was in that moment, Alistair caught the subtle but unmistakeable downward flick of Rhys's eyes. The realisation that Rhys (a trained psychiatrist) surely knew just how sexually ravenous he was caused Alistair's heart to race all over again. The other man's gentle compassion and respect however, politely ignoring the erotic tension, did oddly cause Alistair to relax somewhat. He'd crested the wave, the secret was out; there was no need to worry about it anymore.

Granted, Rhys's next words were so spot-on that Alistair felt like his cheeks were aflame, but still.

"I understand that," he said quietly. "It's...uh, honestly, it's intimidating. Some people do it so naturally that men like us feel even more awkward by comparison. It's like they're following a rulebook that we haven't read. Intellectually, I know that's not the case, but it's hard getting that sensation. With Enyd...I keep thinking that she can surely find someone better than me, someone...uh, funnier, bolder, cleverer. More like her."

Alistair paused for a moment, then smiled at Rhys. "This may sound odd, but if you do start things up with someone while we're here, I'd love to talk to you about it, maybe even meet them. I like seeing my friends happy."

Re: Day 12 [0245 hrs.] Companionable Insomniacs

Reply #15 –
[Lt. Rhys Williams | Below Decks Lounge | Deck 28 | USS Theurgy ] attn: @Griff

Rhys could see from the way Alistair blushed that he knew that Rhys knew. The temptation to give the man a hug was strong. He looked like he needed one, but Rhys also did not want to inflame him too much more. Especially as Alistair seemed so unsure of himself. It was something Rhys was discovering about himself more and more. Before he had been afraid of physical intimacy both sexually and non-sexually. Increasingly he was finding that he craved it. That there was an instinct deep within him to want to hold those in distress or relive his own distress by being held by someone else.

He listened to Alistair speak and understood what he felt. Flirting for the socially awkward was like being in a game where no one had explained the rules, some of the pieces were invisible and your opponent kept grinning in an unsettling way. The result was you acted defensively and stuck to the few parts of the game you understood or just didn’t play.
“I know how you feel, but sometimes its like…” He paused trying to think of a useful analogy. “ …when you exercise. In order to look the way you want or be as fit as you want, you have to pass through some intimidating barriers.” He tried unsuccessfully to avoid looking at Alistair’s body admiringly. “Sometimes the only way forward is through.” He shook his head as Alistair talked about Enyd finding someone better. “Don’t sell yourself short. You are very handsome, and you are no idiot.” He took a sip of his drink for moment. “Besides maybe she is not looking for someone like her, maybe she wants someone different. Someone who offers different perspectives and challenges, someone who is more likely to fill gaps in her life.” He smiled. “Opposites often attract.”

Rhys felt a warm glow as Alistair described him as a friend and made his request. Rhys chuckled “When I think I have something to report I will.” He said giving a mock salute.

Re: Day 12 [0245 hrs.] Companionable Insomniacs

Reply #16 –
[Lieutenant Alistair Leavitt | Below Decks Lounge | Deck 28 | USS Theurgy ] Attn. @Juzzie 
[Show/Hide]

"Alright then," Alistair said with an easy smile, increasingly relaxed. Repressing a yawn, he glanced around the empty lounge, the odd early morning quietness filling the air. It felt as if the entire ship was asleep in that moment, false though the notion was. Amidst whatever was happening with Enyd, Rhys was a complication...a wonderful, tantalising complication. Still, that was increasingly feeling like a problem for tomorrow.

"We both have work tomorrow, so we should really go to bed. Beds!" Alistair emphasised hurriedly. "Uh...separate...beds. Right. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, I'm glad that I found you here, Rhys. I'll...uh, depending on how things go with Enyd, I might...um...see about doing this again soon. You know, uh, if she...well, you know, it's possible, and if that happens...I could...uh...use some...friendship. I don't really have anyone else to commiserate with."

Blushing fiercely, Alistair stood, not even fully knowing what he'd meant. Picking up his tray, he smiled again at Rhys. "Good night."

With that, Alistair set his tray back in the replicator, recycled it, and went on his way, his mind awash with the man whom he'd just met. Indeed, Alistair was so out of it that he absent-mindedly walked right into a tall security officer who was equally distracted, both men falling to the deck. After getting back to his feet amidst hurried apologies, Alistair eventually returned to his quarters where, after getting to bed, sleep came easily.

The dream that followed were every bit as erotic and enjoyable as the prior dream involving Enyd...but this time, it featured an additional participant, one that had Alistair smiling as he dozed away.

Re: Day 12 [0245 hrs.] Companionable Insomniacs

Reply #17 –
[Lt. Rhys Williams | Below Decks Lounge | Deck 28 | USS Theurgy ] attn: @Griff

Rhys watched Alistair rise from his seat and bumble and blush through his goodbye. Endearing was the word that Rhys kept coming back to. It fitted Alistair perfectly. He had raised his eyebrows a little in amusement at Alistair stumbling around the word ‘bed’. He tried to keep a straight face, but it was just so cute. He saw what Enyd liked about this guy. He was kind, well meaning and the kind of adorable where you were not sure if you wanted to hug him or throw him in bed. A daker part of his mind also wondered if it would be possible to push such a mild-mannered man until he lost all self-control. His cheeks coloured at the thought

There was of course the feeling of familiarity. Rhys saw a bit of himself in Alistair, shy awkward, unsure of himself. Rhys genuinely wanted to help him, to make him feel more comfortable and happier in and of himself. He might find Alistair’s awkwardness cute, but he knew how unpleasant and debilitating it could be to be on the inside. To yearn for the confidence to navigate more simple interactions. He wished Alistair goodnight, and found his eyes following the OPS officer’s backside.

Shaking his head in irritation at just how out of control his libido had been recently. Rhys to slowly began to wend his way back to his quarters. When he arrived and his head hit the pillow, he spent a fractious hour staring up at the ceiling worrying as he often did about anything and everything. Finally sleep claimed him.

-FIN-
 
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