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PRO: S [D01|0630] Meandering Mind of Mia

[Ens. Mia Dunne | Personal Quarters | Deck 10 |Vector 01 | USS Theurgy]
ATTN: @Juzzie

Mia had finally made the appointment to speak to a counselor. After being frozen for six months, a failed , sort-of, experiment and a few events that definitely were not all that much fun for her, she really needed to talk to someone. The beast thing that had happened was being with Tyreke, but even that wasn’t enough to make her feel better about herself at the moment.

Mia had made the attempt to see the ‘wall’ again and somehow just couldn’t bring herself to go to that part of the arboretum. Although her visit to that section of the ship didn’t turn out quite so bad, hopefully she had gained a new friend out of it, but that remained to be seen.

Mia picked at the small breakfast in front of her, not really feeling like eating it at the moment. She still had a while before her appointment and was trying to fill the time.  Eating had seemed like a good idea at the time, but the more she thought about seeing a counselor the less hungry she became and she hadn’t even taken a bite of the fruit salad in front of her. With a sigh she placed a cover on it and set it away from her. She would try to eat it when her meeting was over.  She would just walk really slow... that should take up some of the time.

Mia exited her quarters, tugging on her jacket nervously. She hadn’t been told who she would be seeing, but that only made her more nervous. What if it was someone she knew, like Amanda. After what they had been through during that Shrine tour, she wasn’t sure she wanted to spill her soul to that particular person.  She wondered if any of the crew on that culinary tour had been part of counseling, but could not remember. She knew security, diplomatic, science, and engineering officers had been in attendance. But she had no idea what department some of the others were in. Not that it really mattered now.

[Counselors Offices | Deck 09 | Vector 02]

She took the lift to deck 09 and traversed from Vector 01 to Vector 02 and slowly made her way to the counseling offices. She stood outside for a few minutes trying to force herself to relax before she finally stepped forward. The door slid open to a waiting room. Taking a deep breath she moved to one of the seats and settled in to wait.

Ensign Mia Dunne   [Show/Hide]

  Kelistina (Kel) Kavot Droga   [Show/Hide]

Re: PRO: S [D01|0630] Meandering Mind of Mia

Reply #1
[Lt. Rhys Williams| Counsellors Offices | Deck 09 | Vector 02] attn: @Eirual

Rhys was an odd fellow. He knew that everyone knew that. A man who at various times was often in far more distress than his patients. An officer who hated having authority and was much happier following orders rather than giving them. A man who was kind to a fault to everyone except himself. A Counsellor who was good at understanding what his patients were feeling but bad at understanding himself. A shy nervous man who believed he was as unsexy as it was possible to be, yet he currently had a sex life more interesting than most. Rhys was like a 6’2 blonde walking lump of contradictions.

Rhys had gotten up this particular morning at the crack of dawn. Well as much as that could be determined in space. He tried not to think too hard about the dreams he had been having they were far to exciting he couldn’t cope with work otherwise. He had gotten a cold shower as clearly that was required after those dreams.  A clean pressed uniform was soon hanging off his broad swimmers’ shoulders, his hair flattened down and he headed for his office.

Rhys arrived early. Rhys was always early. This was partly diligence but also a pathological fear of being late. He arrived early and left late, it was never a standard he held anyone who had worked under him to. He was far more understanding of other people than of himself. So, Rhys was surprised when he saw in the waiting room someone was sat there already. He had a morning appointment and it seemed she had arrived here well before she ought to as well. Rhys knew that Counselling appointments could sometimes weigh on people. Fill them with such dread that they either ended up being late or really early.

He was also certain that he recognised her. She had been at the Birthday party on the Klingon ship and on the culinary food tour on Qo’nos. His slightly tired and foggy brain fired a few neurons and the name ‘Mia’ appeared for his inspection. He wasn’t sure about the last name, but you rarely hear those at parties or social events. He had very little else to go on from these events. He remembered her being shy and feeling some degree of sympathy for her. Shyness was crippling, and deeply unpleasant thing to have.

Rhys smiled and looked at the PADD he had in his hand. “Ensign Mia Dunne, is it?” He waited for her to confirm. “Do you want to come into my office now?” His voice was deep but gentle and with his Welsh accent gave the words he spoke a sing-song intonation. As he said this, he stepped towards the door which opened and revealed an impossibly neat room beyond. “If you want to take a little bit to gather yourself before you come in, that is completely fine as you are early.” He said keen to demonstrate he was not going to pressure her.

Re: PRO: S [D01|0630] Meandering Mind of Mia

Reply #2
[Ens. Mia Dunne | Counselors Offices | Deck 09 | Vector 02]
ATTN: @Juzzie

Mia looked up when the door opened, and a slightly familiar face entered the room. She’d seen him at Azrin’s party, and he had joined the crazy food tour on Qo’noS that she was trying to forget.  She nodded in reply to his first question, “Yes, Sir. I’m Ensign Dunne.”

She stood at the invitation to enter the office but held back from actually moving for a moment. She took a deep breath and shook her head, “If it’s not too much trouble. I know I am rather early for the appointment. I mean if you need time to get situated, I can wait.”

Now that the moment had come, Mia found herself reluctant to rush it. Although sitting and waiting would only give her more time to worry. It was a catch 22 sort of thing. She took a few tentative steps towards the inner sanctum of the counselor’s office, “or not, if you are ready...” She took another deep breath to gather her courage as well as her thoughts.

 She really needed to make up her mind. Tugging on her uniform slightly she nodded more to herself than to the Lieutenant and entered the office and waited for Rhys to indicate where she should sit.  Her nervousness was evident in the way her fingers kept tapping at her thighs and her slightly pursed lips.


Ensign Mia Dunne   [Show/Hide]

  Kelistina (Kel) Kavot Droga   [Show/Hide]

Re: PRO: S [D01|0630] Meandering Mind of Mia

Reply #3
[Lt. Rhys Williams| Counsellors Offices | Deck 09 | Vector 02] attn: @Eirual

Rhys’ memory of Mia seemed to be very accurate. She was shy and nervous. Though of course Rhys also realised he was not likely to be seeing her at her best. After all people only tended to seek counselling because they were made to or had reached the end of their ability to cope. In some ways Rhys felt he was probably the best person she could have been assigned to. He to tended towards being shy and nervous, though it was important not to project his own problems on to her.

He smiled warmly. “No not at all I don’t need time to get situated." he said stepping into his office and beckoning her to follow. His office was neat very neat. At one end was his desk with a chair behind it. Behind that was a shelf, there were some little models of ships and a picture of a man and woman with what was clearly a very young Rhys between them. “Please take a seat.”

Rhys indicated in front of the desk a small seating area with a coffee table and some very squashy chairs. The kind that was very comfortable but damn near impossible to get out of with dignity still intact. It was clear that Rhys had tried to make his office as home like as one could on a starship. 

Rhys set a few things on his desk and at the same time watched her out of the corner of his eye. He noticed a lot of displacement activity, the tapping of fingers on either her legs or lips. This was very common, excess adrenaline pumping around the system had to go somewhere, or a rushing mind had to be soothed. He moved over to a replicator that was set into one of the bulkheads, wondering if she would want a different kind of safety net. “Mia? Can I call you Mia?” He said quickly correcting himself. “Would you like something to drink?” A warm drink was often what patients preferred. Just holding something warm in the hands could be soothing. He replicated himself a cup of English breakfast tea, no sugar and waited by the machine for her response. “I know Counselling can be a bit frightening so if there is anything I can do to make you feel more relaxed let me know.” He said expressively.

Re: PRO: S [D01|0630] Meandering Mind of Mia

Reply #4
[Ens. Mia Dunne | Councelor’s Office | Deck 09 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy]
ATTN: @Juzzie

Mia entered the room and moved towards the small grouping of seats. “I wouldn’t mind a nice cup of English Tea, black please,” she replied in answer to his question about a drink, “and I guess if it would be easier for you, Mia is fine, Lieutenant.”  She sat down on the edge of one of the chairs a little awkwardly, waiting for the lieutenant to sit as well. She really did not know how these things were supposed to go. Did she just talk about anything? Should she wait for him to ask questions? She really had no idea. So instead she just stayed quiet and looked around the room while he got her tea and got himself settled.

After he was seated and she took a small sip of the tea she looked at him. He wasn’t bad looking, at least that was a bonus.  She briefly wondered if he had been frozen in time like she was, or if he had experienced any of the battles she had missed. “Umm, So ... “ she let herself slide back in the chair, “I’m not sure how this works.“  She looked down at her hands, now clasped tightly around the tea.  Her mind swirled with confusion and trepidation. What if she said the wrong thing? It’s not like she could be transferred to another ship. Would he tell her department heads what they talked about? Would he tell Ives?  How can he help when I am not even sure I know what is wrong?

While he had asked about her name, he hadn't given her his. It felt a little odd only addressing her counselor as lieutenant, but it was what it was. Either he would provide the information on how she should address him, or he wouldn't.






Ensign Mia Dunne   [Show/Hide]

  Kelistina (Kel) Kavot Droga   [Show/Hide]

Re: PRO: S [D01|0630] Meandering Mind of Mia

Reply #5
[Lt. Rhys Williams| Counsellors Offices | Deck 09 | Vector 02] attn: @Eirual

Rhys smiled happily as she requested a cup of tea. “Ah a woman after my own heart.” He said cheerily. Tea had always been treated as a bit of a panacea in his family growing up. A bad day? Tea. A good day? Tea. Feeling sick? Tea? Feeling sad? Tea. So, it continued.

Rhys then mentally kicked himself as Mia referred to him as Lieutenant. “Oh, I am so sorry, that was rude of me. Please call Rhys.” He said shaking his head at his own awkwardness as he handed her a cup and saucer straight from the replicator. He took a moment to busy himself with a PADD and otherwise getting himself comfy in a chair opposite hers. All the while he kept an eye on her. She started to speak indicating that she was not sure what to do from here. She seemed to Rhys to be holding on to the tea for dear life. This in was a very normal reaction for someone who was feeling frightened and uncertain. It was part of the reason he offered drinks anyway. It was amazing how much more secure someone could feel just by having an object in their hands.

Rhys sad and moved his hands in a placating calming gesture. “Its ok. We are just going to have a little chat about what you are thinking, and feeling is all.” She seemed so uneasy, that he decided to place the PADD to one side, to reduce his appearance of officialness. “The conversations we have are confidential. Unless you reveal to me a secret plan to assassinate the Captain.” He said raising his eyebrows as he attempted to amusingly lighten the mood. “Then I might have to warn the Captain, if only to give him a fighting chance.”  Hopefully she would take it in the spirit it was meant, and hopefully it would relax her if only a little.

“So, why did you feel the need to come see me today? What’s going on?” His voice remained soft and singsong. It was hard to imagine him ever raising it in anger. There was something strangely soothing about it.

Re: PRO: S [D01|0630] Meandering Mind of Mia

Reply #6
[Ens. Mia Dunne | Councelor’s Office | Deck 09 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy]
ATTN: @Juzzie

Mia bit her lower lip trying to find the right place to start. She finally sighed leaning forward and propping her forearms on her knees. “Well, first I am sure you know I was brought out of stasis not too long ago. I am still trying to come to grips with having lost six months of events and waking up with a permanent reminder. Tyreke, umm I mean Lt Okafor insists that it doesn’t  matter, that I am still desirable and beautiful,” She paused a moment and allowed a small smile to cross her lips at the memory of the lunch date that turned into something else altogether.
She shook her head to clear the memory and took a deep breath,” I still feel like it’s not all me anymore. And then my research failed to find anything of use against this parasite, other than the fact it is in deed not in any way related to Trill symbiots.”  She shook her head at that revelation that was both a relief and a disappointment.

“But for some reason I keep finding myself in the, well, strangest predicaments. Like the tour to the shrine in the caves, Enyd, Amanda and I almost ended up as ... well, let’s just say I will never willingly visit any place associated with an Orion outpost again. And the culinary tour was a total clusterfuck from the start. I should have just come back to the ship after the first place, with those huge bugs. To be honest, I am not sure why I kept going.”


At this point Mia ran her hands over her face, “I have had the hardest time going to see the memorial wall. I’ve tried a few times, but somehow just can’t. And the other day, I was in the holodeck, with Frank Arnold and Alana Pierce playing through a holonovel.  There was a pont where some gangsters blew up a vehicle outside the building. I dropped to the floor in a panic hearing that. I tried to play it off as part of the character, but I was... “ She pressed her palms against her eyes, “all I could see was the lab the day I was injured, and the memory of everyone lying dead around me. The last thing I saw before  I woke up in recovery. “

Mia’s breathing rate had quickened as she spoke and she knew she was reacting to the last event more than she should, but it had terrified in a way she couldn’t explain. For pete’s sake, she knew it was a holonovel and still that explosion had sent her to the floor expecting not to wake up.
 
Ensign Mia Dunne   [Show/Hide]

  Kelistina (Kel) Kavot Droga   [Show/Hide]

Re: PRO: S [D01|0630] Meandering Mind of Mia

Reply #7
[Lt. Rhys Williams| Counsellors Offices | Deck 09 | Vector 02] attn: @Eirual

Rhys sat in silence for the most part allowing Mia to talk. It was the key to Counselling. Lots of patients expected the Councillor to do all the talking and fix their problems. The truth was, that the process was much more about building a rapport and allowing the patient to explore what was happening with them themselves. After all Rhys was not telepathic, he had to determine what was wrong from what she said and how she said it. He was surprised at how forthcoming she was. Normally it took a bit of encouragement, people were often reluctant to get to it and would dance around the issue. Someone as shy as she appeared to be often used avoidance techniques to delay talking about what was painful.  The words seemed to spill out of her as if she had been eager to tell someone all this for a while. This had both its good and bad point, it meant it would easier to get to the heart of the matter, but it also likely meant Mia was feeling very distressed.

Mia mentioned a name he was only vaguely familiar with, Lt. Okafor. From the smile and the way, she talked about he wondered if he was a close friend or something more. Either way that was good, she clearly had someone who sounded supportive and pushed back against at least one of her insecurities. Rhys nodded and smiled, “He is right.” Rhys then realised what he had said and started to blush a little. He hoped she did not take the comment as him flirting with her, he had had too many uncomfortable instances recently. He coughed and engaged in his own displacement activity of pretending to make a note on his PADD.

Then she used an interesting tern of phrase. He clicked his tongue for a moment as he ran the phrase through his head. “What do you mean, ‘Its not all me anymore’?” He continued as she relayed her feelings of stress about her work with the parasite and some of her more social interactions. Then worryingly as she spoke about her exploits occurring in a holonovel he noted an increase in her stress and her breathing. Worried that she might be progressing towards a panic attack, Rhys interjected firmly but kindly. “Mia, can you do something for me? I want you to close your eyes and concentrate on taking nice deep breaths in an out.” He would come back to her other problems later. It occurred to him he might be overreacting, but he felt the breathing exercise would help her feel calmer in any case. “Deep breath in, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, deep breath out.” He repeated it almost mantra like in his soft sing song voice.

Re: PRO: S [D01|0630] Meandering Mind of Mia

Reply #8
[Ens. Mia Dunne | Councelor’s Office | Deck 09 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy]
ATTN: @Juzzie

Mia was fighting to stay calm. But she did as Rhys asked and closed her eyes. Following his words as she took severl deep breaths before she felt herself calming down some. “Sorry about that. I, umm, I don’t know why that happened.” She ran her hands over her face tiredly. ”


Mia had chuckled when Rhys agreed with Tyreke’s comments. Oh, she would admit her face wasn’t half bad, and a lot of boys used to gawk at her, so she figured her figure was acceptable to most. But the operation that had saved her life ... part of her shoulder and scapula were now implants, and the scars from the accident, that would be there forever. All of this she kept to herself. She didn’t lose an entire limb or anything drastic, so she should be happy, right? “When they brought me back from the dead, so-to-speak, they had to do some ... reconsruction,” she finally said quietly. “I should be happy there wasn’t more damage from the explosion that put me in stasis in the first place.”  She sank back in the seat, “When I woke up, almost everyone I had been working with, getting to know as friends were gone. And then to learn about what this ship has been through for all that time, It’s amazing I even survived stasis.”

She looked around the room, anywhere but at Rhys, avoiding eye contact, “In the holodeck, I knew it wasn’t real, but it was... I could not stop shaking. I’m terrified that I will freeze when, if, well if something explodes  near me, even something that doesn’t end in me or anyone else getting hurt.” 



Ensign Mia Dunne   [Show/Hide]

  Kelistina (Kel) Kavot Droga   [Show/Hide]

Re: PRO: S [D01|0630] Meandering Mind of Mia

Reply #9
[Lt. Rhys Williams| Counsellors Offices | Deck 09 | Vector 02] attn: @Eirual

It took a few moments, but Rhys was glad to see that the deep breathing exercise seemed to have worked for her. It did not work for everyone and sometimes he had to try something different. She was soon apologising. He raised his hands placatingly. “Don’t be silly, you have nothing to be sorry for.” He smiled kindly at her. “If I told you the number of people who have had panic attacks in here, including myself.” He said chuckling softly. It was sadly quite common, especially for someone who had been through something as stressful as Mia had clearly been. As most of the crew had.

He noted that based on the way she was talking about her injuries that there might be a degree of body dysmorphia at work with her as well. Again it was sadly common for people to feel unsatisfied with some or all of their physical appearance, if it affected their day to day lives and things like physical intimacy it could be quite serious.

Rhys nodded along and let her speak about her experiences. It seemed she had been awoken from stasis, that could often cause a lot of issues especially if someone was in there for a long time. It could be very disorientating. He made another few notes on his PADD.

It seemed there were a few issues but based on the way she was talking the issues she had with the holodeck seemed to be causing her the most distress. She was avoiding eye contact with him. It sounded like she was having panic attacks. Again, very understandable. “Mia, these feelings you got in the holodeck. Do you experience them outside the holodeck? For instance, does thinking about the experiences trigger the same feelings even if you are somewhere safe?” He watched her with care, he wanted to avoid distressing her too much but sometimes the only way forward was through.

Re: PRO: S [D01|0630] Meandering Mind of Mia

Reply #10
[Ens. Mia Dunne | Councelor’s Office | Deck 09 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy]
ATTN: @Juzzie

Mia took a ragged breath as she tried to formulate an answer, “Honestly, I try not to think about it too much. It’s too hard.” She rubbed her hands over her face as if she could wipe the images from her mind, “Their bodies were all on the floor, the chief was partially on top of me, staring at me, I thought, but his eyes didn’t move and his antennae had fallen. The room was filled with smoke and gasses and I couldn’t breathe.” She shuddered at the image, feeling her heart pounding in her chest as she spoke, “Then I woke up and everything was different and six months had passed. And I have no idea what to do with that? Everyone keeps suggesting I go see the wall. But I just can’t. For them it might be six months, well more now, but for me it’s only been a couple of weeks.”

Mia stood suddenly and began pacing the room that all of the sudden felt like it was way too small. She unconsciously rotated the replaced shoulder, feeling the tug of the scar on her back. “I feel like ... useless... I mean how is Xenoanthropology going to help fight an enemy from a different dimension? “ She exclaimed as she raised her hands in question.

She continued to pace the room, “I am trying to fit in, but I just...  I feel... “ She huffed out an exasperated breath, “I can’t do anything right these days!”

Ensign Mia Dunne   [Show/Hide]

  Kelistina (Kel) Kavot Droga   [Show/Hide]

Re: PRO: S [D01|0630] Meandering Mind of Mia

Reply #11
[Lt. Rhys Williams| Counsellors Offices | Deck 09 | Vector 02] attn: @Eirual

Rhys watched her carefully as the young woman relayed the nightmarish spark point of her trauma. It was a familiar story. He had his own like that, but there was the added complication of her being frozen and emerging after six months. Coming out of stasis like that could be taxing enough on a person’s psyche but with the additional trauma she had clearly suffered it had all become too much. He was convinced more needed to be done on the what long periods in stasis did to someone’s psychology and Mia was living proof of that as far as he was concerned.

Mia then mentioned that people suggested she ought to see the Wall and why she felt she couldn’t, and he agreed with her. He nodded, “You are right, when and if you go to the Wall and how you deal with you grief, and the pace is down to you.” He said softly “Don’t let others tell you how to deal with it.” That was true even for him. He would make suggestions or even recommendations but at the end of the day the impetuous and choice were hers.

Mia stood and suddenly began pacing. He noted evidence of Psychomotor agitation, she didn’t just pace, she also rotated her shoulder. He noted this. Rhys’ natural inclination in this situation would have been to hug her. However, he had to remember that they barely knew each other and there was no guarantee she would be comfortable like that.  So he at first sat almost radiating calm compassion. He raised his eyebrows when she doubted the use of her field. “I am not an expert in Xenoanthropology, but I would have said working to understand the culture and development of our enemy would be very useful.” That seemed self-evident to him but then he did not know the field as well as she did.

He was interested very much in the last thing she said. “Is there a reason you don’t feel you fit in? Has anyone said this to you?” He doubted anyone would be quite so direct, but perhaps some had said or done something intentional or not that made her feel that way. He often had to fight the feeling that he didn’t fit in. He certainly understood her pain.

Re: PRO: S [D01|0630] Meandering Mind of Mia

Reply #12
[Ens. Mia Dunne | Councelor’s Office | Deck 09 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy]
ATTN: @Juzzie

Mia huffed as if his comment was not amusing, but ironic. She stopped and turned to look at Rhys, “You would think I would actually be able to add something, wouldn’t you. But so far, all I have is some weird creatures that are hell bent on chaos and eliminating everything else in their path. They are not descendents or mutations of the Trill Symbiot. At least I was able to figure that part out.” Mia began pacing again, “I’m more used to learning from the distant past of various cultures. But in this case I have nothing to go on except one dead parasite and the reports from other people about how they control the host. “

Mia stopped pacing in front of the chair and dropped into it again, “Well, as for why I don’t fit in... let’s see, there was the shrine tour.. yeah, that was a total nightmare with the diplomat ready to have us strip down on stage, so not gonna happen. Then that damn culinary tour, If I recall you joined in on that at some point, but again, a total nightmare of crazy events. And let’s not forget Azrin’s Birthday, you were at that too. So you’ve seen how much I just don’t fit. I never seem to do anything that turns out the way it’s supposed to! “

Mia sighed and rubbed her hands over her face, “I know I shouldn’t feel like this. And add to that the fact that I’ve been permanently scarred and even if Tyreke says otherwise, I feel... not attractive, or even really ... me.”  She looked up, “did you know they replaced most of my shoulder? And there’s this ugly scar on my back that they said was going to be there for, like, forever.” Mia paused again, unconsciously rotating her left shoulder again, “I should be happy that that was all they replaced. I’ve seen a lot of what Lt Okafor has been working on for others. I just ... it’s all too much!”



Ensign Mia Dunne   [Show/Hide]

  Kelistina (Kel) Kavot Droga   [Show/Hide]

Re: PRO: S [D01|0630] Meandering Mind of Mia

Reply #13
[Lt. Rhys Williams| Counsellors Offices | Deck 09 | Vector 02] attn: @Eirual

There was a lot going on in Mia’s head that was clear from the get-go. There were intense feelings of desperation connected to her inability to provide more direct help. Counselling was useful there was no doubt about that, but because its effects were often indirect Rhys often felt the way Mia felt like he wasn’t achieving or helping much himself. He wondered how he could alleviate that feeling for her, especially on an area he knew very little about. Perhaps it was better on that matter to just let her vent. In the end all he said was “Don’t give up hope everyone is grappling with something we don’t fully understand. You may yet come up with something.”

The feeling of not fitting in was much more in Rhys’ wheelhouse of understanding. It was quite a common with people suffering from depression, anxiety or other conditions. Rhys felt it a lot. Then she mentioned the birthday party and the food tour. He blushed clearly and obviously. Neither were events he would look back on with unrestrained pleasure.

“I don’t remember either of those events being caused by you. We were all in them for better or worse.” The tone of his voice demonstrated that he clearly though his involvement had been for the worse. “I know how you feel, fitting in is difficult for the more…socially awkward among us.” He looked up at the ceiling for a moment as he tried to gather his thoughts. “What is your social life like? Do you have friends you spend off time with?” He knew from experience how easy it was to end up isolating yourself when you felt like you didn’t fit in.

When she expressed her fears about the scaring and how she didn’t feel like herself anymore. Rhys began to wonder if some disassociation was taking place. He paused again and let her express her distress. He did think of suggesting to her that she was not the only person to have suffered these kinds of injuries on board, but he worried that it might appear insensitive. “This may be a slightly awkward question, if you don’t feel comfortable answering that’s fine.” He said heavily caveating what he was about to say. “Has it affected your… intimate relationship with Tyreke?” He knew this was a personal question that she was likely not going to like, but he needed to understand how deep the trauma around her injuries went.

Re: PRO: S [D01|0630] Meandering Mind of Mia

Reply #14
[Ens. Mia Dunne | Councelor’s Office | Deck 09 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy]
ATTN: @Juzz

Mia sighed as she listened, “I don’t know how I can contribute much. I feel like my entire experiment was a waste of precious time and resources, on top of making Azrin almost run screaming.”

Mia still felt bad about making one of her newest friends so uncomfortable, especially on her birthday. As for the events on Qo’noS, he was right, none of that was her fault. She didn’t bring those scorpion bugs into the first place and she certainly did not make all the salads disappear or that soup come alive.... nor start the fight. She did, however, drink something that she probably would never have if the food had been edible and that had totally been all on her. It was embarrassing that other people were commenting about her attire, or lack thereof, and she herself had absolutely no recollection of anything after the start of the arm wrestling.

“Social life?” She almost laughed at that, “You’ve seen my attempts at social life being on those tours. As evidenced I am not very good at it!” Mia sighed heavily and leaned back in the chair. “I try to do something to meet others and then it all goes to hell in a hand basket. It’s no wonder people keep their distance. So, No, I don’t really have a social life for the most part. I just spend my time trying to figure out these... invaders from the future.” Mia knew she probably spent way more time alone in her lab than was warranted, but she was trying to find something to help them win this battle. Even if it did make her sad sometimes when she thought of those who had died in that same lab she still had a job to do.

Mia’s face blushed a bright red when Rhys asked about her relationship with Tyreke. She was nervous about confirming such a relationship existed since it went against regs big time. Mia stammered a bit as she answered, “Umm.. we... umm.. I wasn’t...  umm.. comfortable when he touched the scars. But.. umm... he made me feel really good so I didn’t think about it.. I mean for a little while... umm... but, I .. I didn’t let him see it.”  She had clasped her hands together tightly as she talked about that event. “And it was only the one time.” Mia knew that if word got out they would both be in big trouble, even if it hadn’t happened again. Except in her dreams.

“It’s an ugly reminder of the people, the friends that died, like I should have that day,” Mia spoke quietly, “I don’t know why I was saved and they weren’t. It isn’t fair,
” She stated heatedly. Mia shook her head sadly as she thought about her friends that had died. It still hurt so much to think of them being gone forever. But she would have to deal with that sooner or later, and she still had so much ... anger. Anger with the parasite, with whoever controlled them, anger with the ones who attacked them and killed her friends and fellow scientists, and mostly anger at herself for being the only survivor.


Ensign Mia Dunne   [Show/Hide]

  Kelistina (Kel) Kavot Droga   [Show/Hide]

Re: PRO: S [D01|0630] Meandering Mind of Mia

Reply #15
[Lt. Rhys Williams| Counsellors Offices | Deck 09 | Vector 02] attn: @Eirual

Rhys’ heart went out to Mia. There was a lot going on in her life. Her life had undergone such a radical change, she had had no time to prepare and didn’t know how to cope. The cycle and waves of negative thoughts seemed as if they continued to spiral. He could see what she was saying for what it was. The idea that bad things happening to her or people around her were somehow all her fault and not what they really were unhappy accidents. The results of people doing a dangerous job in less-than-ideal circumstances. These were feelings he knew well. He wondered if he should share his own experiences and if that would help her or if it wouldn’t do anything.

“I know how you feel.” He said finally. “I sometimes wonder if my being a counsellor really helps anyone. This crew feels like it wonders from nightmare scenario to nightmare scenario. As soon as I help someone it feels like three more crew are pushed to breaking point.” Letting her in on some of his feelings was risk but he hoped it might help her feel less alone. “I think we both have a tendency to be too hard on ourselves.” His arms moved expressively indicating the ship. “This isn’t a normal Starfleet crew. We are facing dangers and pressures that are way beyond the norm. You don’t have the privilege of being able to do your research in a stress free, safe environment as most people do. The fact that you have been trying to do something in this situation is laudable and you are not the only person on the crew who feels like this.” He said indicating himself as well.

In her comments about her social life he noted her phrase ‘people keep their distance.’ It stood out to him as again it was like something he had often felt. “Do you feel like people are avoiding you?” He said his head slightly tilted. He wanted her to clarify on this point and was already formulating an idea in his head for something that might help her.

When Mia showed clear embarrassment at his question about her relationship. He felt very guilty and moved to place a hand on her shoulder. “I am sorry I didn’t want to embarrass you.” His voice took on a softer more soothing quality. “I want to assure you, that anything you say in this room goes no further.” He smiled when she talked about Tyreke. “He seems like a kind and loving man.” He didn’t know him personally but from that comment it seemed like he was doing what a responsible loving partner should do. Rhys knew about the regs but in truth he knew that the idea of a crew cut off from their command in a dire situation not looking to each other for comfort sexual or otherwise was utterly unrealistic. This was going to happen, there was noting at this stage that he felt could be done or should be done to stop it.

“You are right… it isn’t fair.” There was not much he could do with this other than validate her feeling. It was true life wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that his mother had died, it wasn’t fair his Dad had been an abusive arsehole, it wasn’t fair his first ship had been destroyed. It wasn’t fair that his brain was constantly working against him. He knew there was no ‘why’ involved in why she had lived, and her friends had died. However, she seemed to him like the kind of person who needed to find meaning in her pain. “You aren’t the cause of what happened. They are. I know that’s a hard thing to unlearn, I’ve had to unlearn it. The only thing you are responsible for are your own actions.” His said softly. His heart bled for her, it all felt eerily familiar to things he had said himself. The desperate desire to help her was practically radiating off him.

Re: PRO: S [D01|0630] Meandering Mind of Mia

Reply #16
[Ens. Mia Dunne | Councelor’s Office | Deck 09 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy]
ATTN: @Juzzie

Mia sighed heavily. While it was true that she hadn’t had much interaction with other members of the crew, that was mostly of her own making. “Honestly, I spend so much time in my lab these days, so it would be difficult for anyone to just come visit me. And I guess I am not going out of my way to meet and greet after making such a fool of myself,” She said by way of explaining her real feelings about her distance from the crew, “I guess I am doing the keeping away. More like hiding away from anyone else.”

She agreed with him about Tyreke with a nod of her head rather than any spoken words. She was just relieved that she hadn’t managed to get him in trouble for their intimate moment. Mia really hoped they would get the chance again, but life could be cruel, and sometimes wishes never came true.

When  Lt. Williams spoke about himself she was a bit surprised. But the fact that he was willing to share that with her made her feel, well, not exactly better, but less bad about her own situation. She let out a small discouraging chuckle, “Unlearning, now that’s almost impossible, isn’t it? I mean, once something is learned... it’s there.” She shook her head as she thought about how to go about unlearning her guilt. “I guess I need to learn a better way to deal with it. You’re right, I cannot stop what others choose to do.” She glanced at the time and realized she would need to be leaving soon so she wasn’t late for her duty shift, not that she had a whole lot to do of any importance to the mission at the moment. “I know I have to be a better person, Sir, I am just not sure how,” Mia stated as she once again rose from her seat. “I need to get going soon, and strange as it may sound, you have given me a lot to think about. If  it isn’t too much trouble, I’d like to keep coming to talk to you.”
Ensign Mia Dunne   [Show/Hide]

  Kelistina (Kel) Kavot Droga   [Show/Hide]

Re: PRO: S [D01|0630] Meandering Mind of Mia

Reply #17
[Lt. Rhys Williams| Counsellors Offices | Deck 09 | Vector 02] attn: @Eirual

Counselling was a tricky business. Not only were there still some very persistent and outdated ideas about mental illness, but also there was some confusion about what a counsellor could do. He knew some people saw them like a doctor. Someone who could dole out a few drugs or say a few platitudes and fix their problems. The key in many ways especially for a non empath, was to get the patient to recognise what the cause was to begin with.

Rhys was impressed Mia had a degree of emotional intelligence and crucially seemed very self-aware. A little prodding on his behalf and she was already starting to see the problems with her train of thought.  He especially seemed to have gained her trust when he made it clear he was not going to report what ever relationship she had with Tyreke. Trust was very important after all therapy was about making yourself vulnerable to a stranger and in Rhys’ case to a superior officer.

He shook his head when she mentioned unlearning. “Unlearning a behaviour can sometimes be tricky but its by no means impossible. With the right support and a bit of determination you can learn healthier mechanisms by which to live.” He said expressively.

Mia indicated that she had to go, and Rhys was content to let her go. Although she seemed unaware of it she had actually made some significant steps already. He nodded sagely and gave her a warm smile right from the middle of his being. “Of course, you can. Its what I am here for. You know where to find me.” He said before letting her go.

 

Re: PRO: S [D01|0630] Meandering Mind of Mia

Reply #18
[Ens. Mia Dunne | Counsellors Offices | Deck 09 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy]
ATTN: @Juzzie

Mia frowned slightly, “Not sure if I have a lot of either. Support or determination. And I suspect it will not be instantaneous, so it’s a good thing I can be patient. But I know something needs to change, and that’s on me, so I’ll do my best."
She paused in her advance towards the door and looked at Rhys nervously, “Umm, Let me know when it would be a good time to meet again.” Mia glanced at the time again and continued her advance to the door, “Maybe before shift isn’t a good idea, since I really need to get going. There is probably a lot more we could discuss if time had allowed.“ She reached the doorway and as the doors opened she turned back, “And thank you [pause] for everything.”

She offered a small smile then turned and headed out of the door.



OOC: Sorry it is short but I could not think of much else she would say at this point.
Ensign Mia Dunne   [Show/Hide]

  Kelistina (Kel) Kavot Droga   [Show/Hide]

 
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