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Day 15 [1500 hrs.] Hello Therapy, It's Been A Long Time Coming

Lt. Cmdr Vivian Martin | Reception Area | Counselling Department | Vector 2 | USS Theurgy ]   Attn: @LostInTheForest
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Vivian was nervous. Why was she nervous? She'd been in far worse situations that this in her life, hell just last week she'd been trapped in an underground cloning facility and before that...well that was an even longer list. Yet as she sat in the waiting room waiting to see Counsellor Ejek her heart was hammering in her chest and her palms were already sweaty from a nervous anxiousness.

Come on Vivian, pull yourself together! You're the Chief Science Officer for god's sake. she chastised herself. Of course deep down she knew why she was nervous, this was going to be the first of what would most likely be a long series of sessions dealing with the mountain of issues that she had let pile up for years now.  Things that she had pushed deep down and avoided talking about because they were too painful for her to confront....and then of course the end results of those.

Poor Sithick had been one such victim and example of her end results, she'd called off...whatever their thing was in order to get help and sort herself out and even then it had been a few weeks between them and now. Admittedly she had been rather busy in those few weeks to book an appointment and kick start this whole process and with the ordeal that the crew members of the Versant had been through along with what she imagined would be a large chunk of the crew wanting to talk to a counsellor about all the events that had happened, she had figured that the staff would be swamped and why add to their busy schedule?

While the first part of that was true, she had indeed been busy getting the Science Department back up and running, micromanaging everything, finding space for her people to work with half the labs shut down or in pieces, the rest of it while also being semi-true could very well have been a delaying tactic to put off having to do this. In the end though, she knew it had to be done and so she had finally made an appointment.

"Commander Martin, Counsellor Ejek will see you now. Just hit the chime and she'll let you in." The receptionist's voice said, pulling her out of her thoughts. Standing up and straightening out her uniform, Vivian gave a nod to the receptionist and made her way across the lobby area to Ejek's door. Pausing in front of door she took a deep breath and pushed the door chime button.

Into the breach we go.

Re: Day 15 - [1500 Hours] Hello Therapy, It's Been A Long Time Coming

Reply #1 –
Lt JG Zelosa Ejek | Ejek's Office | Counselling Department | Vector 2 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Kinvarus
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Ejek allowed herself a moment to lean back in her chair and stretch, feeling her muscles stretch and several bones along her spine pop in relief. They were 15 days into their stay on Aldea and while things had slowly but surely started to settle down for the department, with a crew of this size and all of the ordeals they had endured, there had been many sessions made. Every crew member from every ship that had joined it felt like had made an appointment with either herself or one of her colleagues, not that that had been entirely surprising of course.

Taking a moment between appointments to stand up and walk around her office, stretching her legs as the Human's would say and clear her mind. The receptionist had already informed her that her next patient had arrived and Ejek wasn't one to keep her patients waiting for too long.

Vivian Martin, Theurgy's Chief Science Officer. Ejek knew of the woman but couldn't remember having many exchanges with her beyond perhaps the occasional meeting when she was running the counselling department. Taking a brief look over the Scientist's personnel file, she immediately noted the fact the woman had been stranded in another quadrant for several years before being assigned to the Theurgy. That was certainly interesting and she had already heard from several sources that the CSO hadn't been too pleased with their infested former Chief Medical Officer Nicander during their interrogation a week ago.

To be honest Zelosa wasn't entirely sure what to expect when it came to the CSO but she liked that, it was always far more interesting to learn about a patient during the sessions than to know certain things ahead of time. She was brought out of her thoughts by the sound of her door chime and stood up, making her way over to the door. Tapping the button to open them with a hiss, she met the other woman's gaze with a warm smile.

"Good Afternoon Lieutenant Commander, please step into my office and make yourself comfortable." she said, stepping aside to allow the head of the Science Department to step inside. "May I get you something to drink?" she added as she followed the woman inside, the doors hissing shut behind her.

Re: Day 15 - [1500 Hours] Hello Therapy, It's Been A Long Time Coming

Reply #2 –
Lt. Cmdr Vivian Martin | Reception Area | Counselling Department | Vector 2 | USS Theurgy ]   Attn: @LostInTheForest
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At the invitation Vivian stepped into the office with a smile and a nod. "Good Afternoon Counsellor, thanks for seeing me." she greeted the Cardassian. She had attended a few meetings with the woman before back when Ejek was running the department but the two had had little interaction beyond that from what she could recall. Honestly she was a little surprised that Ejek hadn't been given the run of the department when they were being handed out, although she understood the reason why when it came to Hathev in terms of experience. On the other hand though the work and dedication that Ejek had put in while she was in charge should have counted for something, at least that was Vivian's view anyway.  She was brought out of her thoughts when Ejek followed up her greeting with a question, offering her a drink.

"Oh no thank you, if I have anymore coffee I'll probably jump to warp." she chuckled although it was a pretty accurate statement, she had been working a lot and sleeping little the last few nights and so the coffee had been one of the things getting her through the day. There had been so much to do to get the labs up and running again, not to mention the research into the parasites and the self caused destruction of her "relationship" ... it had been a busy time lately.

Vivian instinctively made her way over to the couch but waited until Ejek joined her before sitting down, not wanting to be impolite during their first session. As for why she picked the couch and not the chair on the opposite side of the Counsellor's desk? Well that's how all therapy sessions went wasn't it? Sitting or laying on a couch telling the therapist your problems, at least that's how it was in the holo-vids, although thinking about it that was a pretty silly reason but oh well she had made the decision now and Ejek hadn't objected so she supposed it was good.

Taking a seat she waited a few moments before chuckling nervously "I've never been to therapy before so I uh don't know how this is supposed to work." she begain "Although I suppose that could be true for most people their first time, at least I hope it is, I'd hate to be the only one." she added with a smile.

Okay that's enough, before you start rambling and come across as a crazy person her inner voice said, causing her mouth to snap shut. While Vivian certainly had her issues she was by no means crazy...at least she was pretty certain she wasn't anyway, although if she were this was certainly the right place to be to find out. 

Re: Day 15 - [1500 Hours] Hello Therapy, It's Been A Long Time Coming

Reply #3 –
Lt JG Zelosa Ejek | Ejek's Office | Counselling Department | Vector 2 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Kinvarus
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Zelosa observed the Lieutenant Commander as she stepped into the office, watching the Human as she made her way deeper into the office and decline her offer of a drink, proclaiming that she had already consumed enough coffee that any more would have her jumping to Warp, an interesting comparison to make but one that made sense given the effects caffeine could have on someone, even more so the infamous coffee drinker before her.

The psychologist also noted how their Chief Science Officer had immediately made her way over towards the couch. She was never too sure where people would sit when they first came to see her. Some did indeed opt for the couch, others preferred to stand or walk around her office and others chose one of the chairs on the opposite side of her desk, each one of course spoke some volumes about the individual, although it was too soon to say what type of personality the Commander was. She also noted how the Commander waited for her to join the other woman before taking a seat and gave her a small smile as she motioned to Vivian to take a seat.

Sitting down on the chair at the base of the couch, looking at her patient, listening as the Commander informed her that she had never been to therapy before and have the woman a soft smile.

"You are most certainly not the only one to have their first therapy session recently." Zelosa told her as she looked at the woman, wondering how best to approach her newest patient, smiling to herself as an idea hit her as to how to approach the scientist. "As for how therapy is supposed to work, they are essentially problem solving sessions. We talk about any problems you may be having and work together to come up with solutions to those problems."

Leaning back in her chair she folded her hands neatly in her lap "With that being said, what brings you to me today?"

Re: Day 15 - [1500 Hours] Hello Therapy, It's Been A Long Time Coming

Reply #4 –
Lt. Cmdr Vivian Martin | Reception Area | Counselling Department | Vector 2 | USS Theurgy ]   Attn: @LostInTheForest
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Having opted for the couch, Vivian was internally relieved that she wasn't the only one to have their first therapy session. She did appreciate how Ejek explained therapy as a problem solving session and wondered if she had chosen to explain it that way because she was a scientist. If so Vivian couldn't argue with the logic.

Then she asked what had brought her to the session today and sighed. "Where do I begin?" she sighed with a shake of her head, taking a moment to think about all the things she had been through that had lead her to this point. "There's the fact I was stranded on the other side of the galaxy for a few years during which time I met someone I cared for....but they died and that set off a chain reaction of what some might call "slutty" behaviour that so isn't me, oh which also caused me to break the heart of someone I did care about somewhat." she said.

"My Mom also died while I was on my trek back that I wasn't there for and then when I get back I get assigned to this ship and we all know what's happened there. I did reunite with my brother though, but as it turns out he has the same disease our Mom had and is dying too, there's no cure and on top of that I might have it too, so that's fun." the scientist said before blinking and realising she had been rambling.

Blushing slightly she smiled softly at the counsellor "Sorry I uh didn't mean to ramble on like that." she said with a slight chuckle "Needless to say I have a few issues I need to work on. I should have worked on before to be honest but I guess I didn't have the time. Then..." she paused and thought back on the end of her....time? relationship?...whatever the thing she had with Sithick was "...Something happened that made me realise I needed to come here and get myself sorted out."

Re: Day 15 - [1500 Hours] Hello Therapy, It's Been A Long Time Coming

Reply #5 –
Lt JG Zelosa Ejek | Ejek's Office | Counselling Department | Vector 2 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Kinvarus
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Sitting on her chair, waiting patiently Ejek watched the CSO sigh before muttering where should she begin and sighing again, taking a moment to think about it. It was understandable, she had seen many patients who didn't know where to start and others who started blurting out everything and everything in one fell swoop.

The Commander it appeared was a rambler and Ejek immediately started tapping bullet points out onto her PADD. Stranded on the other side of the galaxy, that she already knew but there were many possible things there that could discuss in further sessions. The fact she met someone of what was implied to be an intimate relationship who then died, leading to apparently numerous sexual relationships since that was against the Commander's default personality, that was definitely something they would be talking about, no doubt the result of unresolved emotional trauma at the loss of her aforementioned partner.

Almost as quickly as the summary of her love life had ended, the woman launched into family matters, the loss of a parent, the future loss of her brother and the potential of her own mortality being compromised by the same disease, luckily Ejek managed to get all of that down onto her PADD just as Martin stopped herself and apologised for "rambling" on.

"It's quite alright Lieutenant Commander." she replied, smiling softly at the woman when she said that she had a few issues to work on. That was something of an understatement in Zelosa's opinion but at least the Science Officer was aware of the fact, which would potentially make things a little easier, after all as the Human expression went "The first step to fixing a problem, is to acknowledge that you have one." or something along those lines.

Taking a moment to organise her thoughts, she eventually spoke "The fact that you are aware that you have problems that need to be addressed is a good first step."  she said, taking a moment to think how best to phrase her next question. "However saying that and seeing that you are aware of your problems, why has it taken you so long to address them? It is simply due to a lack of time or another reason as I'm sure you could have found time to book an appointment with somebody before now?" she asked, leaning back slightly in her chair before continuing.

"You said that something happened that made you realise that now was the time to finally make the time to come and starting working on those issues, may I ask what that something was?"

It was a reasonable question and one that would be a good place to start from, it would also help Ejek gauge what topics to start with first and which ones to potentially leave for later in their sessions, prioritising which issues would benefit the Commander to work on first and which they could save for later in terms of her mental health and recovery.

Re: Day 15 - [1500 Hours] Hello Therapy, It's Been A Long Time Coming

Reply #6 –
Lt. Cmdr Vivian Martin | Ejek's Office | Counselling Department | Vector 2 | USS Theurgy ]   Attn: @LostInTheForest
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Vivian was a little relieved that Ejek didn't appear to be too bothered with the whole rambling thing, it was something she hadn't done...or at least hadn't tried to do in a long time but boy oh boy was it embarrassing when she did.

She listened to the women speak and nodded along when the Cardassian told her that the fact she was aware she had issues that needed to be addressed was the first step to progressing before jumping in and asking her why it had taken her so long to address them and found herself nodding again at the woman's first suggestion that it was simply due to a lack of time.

"Lack of time is definately one reason. Taking over as CSO, then all the fighting and running and kidnappings and parasites it's been hectic, as I'm sure others have said. On top of that most of the labs were damaged and are needing repairs before they can be used again means I have to juggle my entire division and get them all time in the few that are up and running as best I can...." she said, finally stopping and taking a breath. "...Needless to say I've been quite busy lately."

Pausing she thought on the other reasons why she hadn't booked an appointment with anybody yet and sighed "The other reasons are because at first I was scared, I don't want to think about....certain things which I know I'll have to in order to progress, I wasn't ready to do that....hell I still don't know if I'm ready for that." she admitted before chuckling "Then I thought I was doing pretty well without therapy and was okay but like I said I realised that that wasn't the case."

Almost immediately after she had that, Ejek asked her what had happened to make her realise that now was the time to start working on her issues and sighed sadly. "I was....seeing someone I guess you could say, I didn't think it was too serious, we would spent time together, have some...well pretty great sex if I'm being honest but to me it always felt like a casual thing you know? I mean I cared for him a lot, he's kind and sweet and cute and adorable in his own way but we never really spoke about what we were, at least not at first." Vivian said, feeling her heart ache again as she thought about poor Sithick and what she had done to him.

"Eventually he would start calling me his girlfriend, which I guess was a warning sign that maybe things were progressing but I never said anything, nor did I call him my boyfriend back. Hell I first started seeing him because I was curious what it would be like to sleep with someone of his species and things just escalated from there. Anyway one night after some time together he asked us if we were mates." she paused and shook her head. "...I'd like to think that we would have been fine had he not decided to have the relationship talk but I don't know. I cared about him but I knew I didn't want to be in a relationship, something casual was fine for me without having to have such discussions, plus I when I thought about it I wasn't sure if I saw a future with him...getting married, having children...if that would even be possible between our two species I just couldn't see it so I told him we wasn't."

She paused and took a shaky breath "The more I thought about it the more I started realising that I was never looking for a relationship and yet there were plenty of signs that that was the direction things were heading and I did nothing to set any boundaries so that we both knew where we were before it could reach the relationship talk stage, needless to say I hurt him, a lot more than I ever intended too. That was when I realised that I needed to sort myself out." she finished before chuckling sadly.

"He even wished me well in getting better, directly after I broke his heart, can you believe that?. All that made me think about him and about the causal relationships I'd been having, how that wasn't what I used to be like, nor who I wanted to be and that...that while I always wanted to settle down one day, get married and have children that wouldn't happen with me in the state I'm even, especially when I had what most women would call a great guy already."

Vivian paused after her much longer than she thought speech and shook her head "I guess it made me take a good hard look at myself and realise just what I had allowed myself to become and I....I don't really like who that person is. I guess I'm hoping that finally dealing with all that stuff will hopefully get me back to being the person I used to be, or at least closer to her than who I am now." 

Re: Day 15 - [1500 Hours] Hello Therapy, It's Been A Long Time Coming

Reply #7 –
Lt JG Zelosa Ejek | Ejek's Office | Counselling Department | Vector 2 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Kinvarus
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Ejek sat listening to Vivian as she started speaking and arched an eyebrow Kidnappings? she thought and noted that down on her PADD as well as the casual nature at which the woman had seemed to list it, that was certainly noteworthy too. Her reasoning for not coming to therapy sooner was more than justifiable, it had been a similar excuse for most of the crew, nor was she surprised that someone in Martin's position as a Senior Officer had much more work to do than anybody else. Ejek herself had had some experience with that from her time running the department.

As Martin continued speaking, Ejek made sure to focus on everything the woman said as well as how she said it, making sure to note down that there were certain things that she was afraid to think about. Obviously those things would need to be addressed at some point but not now, it sounded like she would need to be eased into whatever that was, for now Ejek would file it away in her notes for a future session.

Ejek was somewhat pleased when the CSO did start talking about what had made her finally seek counselling when she had asked and listened as she spoke at someone she had been seeing. Like most things in relationships it came down to both partners having different opinions on the nature of their relationship. However in Martin's case it was clear that the woman certainly did care for her partner and hadn't meant to cause him so much pain.

Ejek continued to take notes as she listened, the fact that her partner was of a different species was something she noted, especially given the curiosity of the experience, almost as if it was some kind of scientific experience perhaps? She also noted her comments on her familial future. Martin continued to talk and Ejek listened although most of it had no diagnostic merit worth noting as she eventually rounded back to why she had finally made the time to see someone.

Once the scientist had finished talking, Ejek took a moment to glance back over her notes and organise her thoughts before speaking.

"Well Commander it's good that you've finally decided to seek help, as I said before realising that you need to see someone is the first of many steps. While there are certain other issues that I've noted we will probably need to cover at some point, it seems to me that your intimate relationships have been the primary reason for you coming to see me. Specifically the fact that someone you obviously cared about was hurt due to your actions and you wish to remedy that if you can to avoid hurting potential partners and yourself in the future. Would that be a fair assessment?"

She asked, already having a good idea of the answer, still she would let the woman answer for herself before continuing, although her mind was already starting to think up follow up questions for the woman.

Re: Day 15 - [1500 Hours] Hello Therapy, It's Been A Long Time Coming

Reply #8 –
Lt. Cmdr Vivian Martin | Ejek's Office | Counselling Department | Vector 2 | USS Theurgy ]   Attn: @LostInTheForest
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Vivian waited and listened to Ejek reply to her and nodded "It's certainly the thing that pushed me into finally coming here yes and is something I would like to remedy yes but it's not necessarily my primary thing to fix, I have a lot of other things on my mind too like you said. I know that fixing my relationship issues aren't going to be a quick fix and I have no interest in any kind of romantic or even sexual relationship with anybody until I do so that's a long-term thing." Vivian replied.

She hadn’t been to therapy before but she could hazard a guess as to what the psychologist’s next question would be about, what other things brought her here so she figured she might as well dive into some of those as well.

“I suspect you’ll want to know about what else is going on in my head.” she began and sighed. “I was stranded on the other side of the galaxy, I’m sure you already know that. During that time my mother died of a disease, a genetic one. My brother, who I recently reconnected with, Salem he was on the Cayuga he uh…he’s got the same disease too, there’s no cure.” Vivian whispered softly, she was sure Salem wouldn’t mind her mentioning it, at least not here. “Anyway it’s possible that I have the disease too, we’ve spoken to Doctor Kobol  and he says that it’s possible that I do and that it could affect me too, that I could carry the gene and not have it affect me or that I could have dodged it entirely and be free. I’ve agreed to the test but until the results come in there’s nothing, I can do about it.” She replied with a shrug.

Vivian really didn’t feel like delving any deeper into her baggage at the moment and remained silent, her thoughts drifting to her mother and brother as she waited for Ejek to speak.

Re: Day 15 - [1500 Hours] Hello Therapy, It's Been A Long Time Coming

Reply #9 –
Lt JG Zelosa Ejek | Ejek's Office | Counselling Department | Vector 2 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Kinvarus
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Ejek listened to Martian as she spoke, noting down that while the Chief Science Officer wanted to fix her relationship issues that she was aware that fixing that issue would be a long term goal. Ejek also made sure to not that the woman had no interest in either a romantic or sexual relationship. Considering the scientist's own admission to being more casual with her partners lately it was entirely possible the woman could find herself taking a partner despite her lack of interesting in either kind of relationship, something she would have to keep an eye on just in case. However the fact that she was aware of the situation and the long term nature of her recovery was a positive sign.

Before Ejek could finishing and ask a follow up question, Martin spoke up about what else was going on in her head, which was an accurate assumption and continued listening as Vivian described her mother's illness, noting that she had been stranded when her mother had died, unable to be there for her parent as well as the fact that her brother was also on board the Theurgy now and too had the same infection. Receiving such bad news, good news at a reunion and bad news could do significant damage to ones psyche. Then on top of that to discover that she too might have the same illness and numerous options that may or may not affect her, they would definitely be discussing that as well.

While there was nothing Martin could do about it until she had taken the test and the results came in did not mean that they couldn't start discussing the potential outcomes and how best to cope with whatever the result was going forward. Ejek finished writing her notes shortly after Martin had finished speak and it was clear that for now, those were the only issues she was willing to discuss. However given how much there was already, that was probably for the best.

"First of all, you are indeed correct that working on your relationship issues will be a long term goal so we can put that to one side for now, unless you feel like discussing it. Your potential illness however is something that we should discuss if you're up to it?" she asked.

"You said your mother had this illness and died from it, did you know she was sick before you left or was it something you found out about after your return and how did you feel when you received the news? By that I mean how did you process it?" she asked, ready to listen and take notes when the scientist answered.

Re: Day 15 - [1500 Hours] Hello Therapy, It's Been A Long Time Coming

Reply #10 –
Lt. Cmdr Vivian Martin | Ejek's Office | Counselling Department | Vector 2 | USS Theurgy ]   Attn: @LostInTheForest
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Vivian knew Ejek was taking notes and wondered what it was that the woman was jotting down. Was she simply taking notes of what she had said to look back on or was she jotting down her own thoughts and opinions on her situation? The scientist had to admit she was a little curious as to what the counsellor thought of her and her issues but shook her head, that wasn’t the point or the thing to focus on right now.

She listened as Ejek spoke about how her relationship issue was going to be a long-term fix and how they could work on that gradually and put it to the side for now unless she wanted to speak about it? Did she want to talk about it now? A part of her did, god knew it was a long time coming but another part of her didn’t want to face that pain just yet. She was hiding from it and she knew she was, just like she knew she couldn’t hide from it forever.

“I…know what the underlying cause of my relationship issues is I just…it hurts to think about yet alone talk about and I…I’m not ready to confront that yet.” she finally said.

Of course, the next thing the Cardassian talked about was something else that she wasn’t sure she wanted to talk about, although out of the two things, her potential illness was the one she would be okay talking about now.

Sighing she shook her head “No I didn’t know she was sick before I left and got stranded, if I did I might not have asked for a transfer to another ship. I found out about it when I reunited with Salem a few weeks ago when he came aboard. As for how I felt…devastated, heartbroken…angry that I wasn’t there for the end. The usual feelings for such a revelation I imagine. she said and chuckled “As for how I reacted…I cried. I cried for a long time, it helped but so did the fact that it was Salem that told me and was there otherwise I would have been a mess.”

Re: Day 15 - [1500 Hours] Hello Therapy, It's Been A Long Time Coming

Reply #11 –
Lt JG Zelosa Ejek | Ejek's Office | Counselling Department | Vector 2 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Kinvarus
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Ejek continued to listen, observe and take notes that she felt were the most important in relation to the scientist. The good news was that it seemed as though the Commander at least knew what the cause of her issue was, at least when it came to her relationship issues but that according to the woman herself it was too painful for her to think or talk about.

Nodding, she noted that down and put in brackets a note to herself wondering if Martin was using the pain of whatever she experienced before as a way to avoid having to deal with her issues. It was a sound theory but one that would need to be evaluated before she took any further action in terms of treatment.  "It is a good sign that you at least know what the possible cause of your issue is and whenever you feel you are ready to discuss it, we certainly can. Therapy is about helping you in whatever order you want and feel comfortable discussing with whenever you so choose to."

As Vivian moved onto another issue she wanted to deal with, Ejek observed the woman, noting that she seemed almost as reluctant to discuss this second issue almost as much as the first. However in the end she did, not really surprised that it was about her potential illness. As she listened, it seemed pretty clear that the woman loved her family and nodded in agreement when Vivian said that her feelings were pretty standard for the situation. It seemed as though her mother's death, although difficult was something she had managed pretty well. For Ejek she as more focused on Martin and her relationship with her brother, it certainly seemed as though the two were close or at the very least that Vivian clearly looked up to and loved her brother and the fact that he too had the same illness and by the sounds of it, already knew what the prognosis was.

"Losing a parent or any loved one is always difficult, especially if you are unable to be there for them in the end, however from what you've told me your reactions were entirely normal to the ordeal. You mentioned that your brother also has this illness, by the way you briefly mentioned it I assume the prognosis isn't good. How do you feel about that?"

Re: Day 15 [1500 hrs.] Hello Therapy, It's Been A Long Time Coming

Reply #12 –
Lt. Cmdr Vivian Martin | Ejek's Office | Counselling Department | Vector 2 | USS Theurgy ]   Attn: @LostInTheForest
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Vivian nodded at the Counsellor's words the chuckled "Well they say knowing is half the battle right? she said before shaking her head and sighing. Knowing was something she had been doing for a long time, it was taking the next step that was the problem because she knew what that next step and what it would mean and she didn't want to think about that. Didn't want to face that pain, she wanted to hide from it. Ignore it and never have to deal with it again. But she'd tried doing that and look what had happened.

Shaking her head more to herself than anything else as she pushed those thoughts away for now and focused on Ejek's words as the Cardassian spoke about her parents before moving onto her brother and shook her head. "They say about 8 years maybe. As for how I feel about that? Sad. Angry. Powerless." she answered.

"I was so happy when I saw Salem for the first time on board, I couldn't believe he was here it had been so long since I'd seen him. It was one bit of happiness to get in a time when there wasn't much of that going around, but of course it wouldn't last long. Happiness seems to come and go quickly on this ship." she said somewhat bitterly.

"First finding out about Mom, then Salem and the added joy that I could have it too really put a downer on things." she said with a grin, although it didn't last long as it faded. "There's no cure and there's nothing I can do about it, I hate that. I hate that Salem has come to terms with it and just shrugs it off like it's no big deal and I hate that life seems to want to torture me all the fucking time!" she said, her voice getting louder the more she spoke.

Sighing she shook her head and blushed as she glanced over at the woman "Sorry. I don't usually lose my cool like that I just...I'm tired of life. First being stranded on the other side of the galaxy, losing the love of my life, losing my Mom, going to lose my brother and being stuck on this god forsaken ship being hunted for something we didn't even do I just..." she paused and sighed again her shoulder slumping "...I'm just tired of it all."

Re: Day 15 [1500 hrs.] Hello Therapy, It's Been A Long Time Coming

Reply #13 –
Lt JG Zelosa Ejek | Ejek's Office | Counselling Department | Vector 2 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @Kinvarus
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At Vivian's quote of the old Earth phrase Ejek nodded "That they do and it's certainly a good place to start with." she replied with a smile. Still based on the woman's reaction it was something she had known for quite a while in which case it was a matter of getting the woman to take the next step, albeit a difficult one.

When Vivian started talking about her brother, she listened and prepared to take notes. Sadness, anger and powerlessness all the expected emotions to go through when receiving news about a loved one, no surprise there but as the Commander continued talk about all the news she had gotten it was clear that the woman's issues were far deeper than just hiding from her emotions. The woman was suffering from a bout of depression.

"Given what you've gone through and the situation we find ourselves in aboard this ship, you're feelings are certainly understandable. I too have felt strain of being stuck on this ship and it's constant struggles. I have been...tired by it all as well. It's perfectly natural. The fact that you have failed to address these things in some way before now has not helped much in that regard but it is certainly something we can focus on and that should help you to cope with these things in time."

She paused for a moment and waved away the woman's apology "It's quite alright, this is a good place for emotional outbursts especially given the added stress I'm sure yourself and the rest of the science department are currently under. I do have to ask however when you say that you are tired of life...what exactly do you mean by that?" she asked.

While not coming outright and asking if the woman was suicidal the implication was there and if so she would have to double their sessions to at least twice a week, perhaps perscribe some medication if necessary and if it came to it inform the Captain and perhaps even have the woman relieved from duty until she was in a better state mentally. Still there was no need to jump to conclusions just yet, even though she did make sure to tap that out onto her PADD just in case.
 

Re: Day 15 [1500 hrs.] Hello Therapy, It's Been A Long Time Coming

Reply #14 –
Lt. Cmdr Vivian Martin | Ejek's Office | Counselling Department | Vector 2 | USS Theurgy ]   Attn: @LostInTheForest
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At least Ejek was understanding of her thoughts and reactions. It gave her some comfort that she wasn't the only one to have felt like that, although thinking about it it was probably a safe bet that most people on this ship felt like she did at one point or another. However when she asked what she meant by being tired of life she blinked and blushed again.

"Oh my god that sounded terrible!" she exclaimed in realisation "I don't mean in a suicidal way if that's what you're asking, although I suppose it might have sounded like it. No, no no nothing like that just physically and mentally tired of it all, that's all." she added before shaking her head and wondering just how awful that sounded and embarrassing it was.

Sighing she shook her head again "It's just been a lot to deal with with very little breaks until we got to Aldea and even then with half the labs still offline and everything else I need to deal with I haven't had time to just kick back and relax at all lately and I suppose it's getting to me. I do plan on going down to Aldea and taking some time off eventually, just need to get my house in order so to speak."

What she didn't say, that she felt she couldn't, was that she was thinking about resigning her position in order to deal with the emotional baggage she had come to carry.

- FIN 
 
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