| With a sigh, Nicole stepped closer. "Yesterday was... difficult. More so for others than for myself, given I didn't have anything really happen to me, but it still wasn't easy. It made me realize, though, that I'd been... that I'd hadn't... I mean to say..." It appeared she tried to come up with something to say, something to explain how she felt and what she'd been willing to give up to be with Jien. It seemed her words failed her, and she stood there looking just a bit helpless.
It was not only Nicole that had difficulty picking out words, which was evident in the lingering silence in the room. One hand upon her hip, Jien rolled the hilt of her grounded weapon in her fingers where she stood - head lowered in thought. The lamplight caught the blade as it rotated - sending fleeting spectres of gold across the walls around them.
"When you stepped forth," Jien said in the end, and lifted her large brown eyes to meet Nicole's gaze, "regardless of your intent, it made me realise I've been disinclined to talk through what happened between us last - unintended words or not. If I hadn't been so stubborn in my claim to be native of planet Earth and the Sol System, and chosen to debate the topic level-headed, I think we wouldn't have to be stepping on our toes around each other."
Stepping towards her dai-katana's stand, Jien picked up the sheath. "A little belatedly," she said and glanced over her shoulder, with a faint smile, "yet I am sorry. Can you forgive an outsider for trying a lifetime to belong somewhere, and defending her right to have a home?"
She sheathed the weapon in a fluid motion - 'burying the hatchet', in a way.
"I, too, am sorry," she said. "I never meant to even imply Earth wasn't your home. We each pick our place to call such and I imagine the people of where you were raised see you much as one of their own." Nicole seemed relieved to have found something to say. Emboldened, she stepped closer to Jien, until less than a sword length lay between them and met her Captain's eyes. "When I stepped forward yesterday, it was an honest and unthinking response, entirely devoid of doubt. I realized it, the moment after, that I meant to stay with you, even if it should mean the end of everything I am here, the end of my life, so to speak. I respect you, Captain. I trust you as I have no one else in my life, save my father, and after what..." she looked around the room where they'd been so close. "After we..."
She struggled for words for a moment, then pushed on. "I want to find out if there's more to be had between us. A fight's a fight, all lovers, even friends, have them."
Jien did have an answer for Nicole. She smiled faintly to the halfblood Bajoran, her smiles always ghosts since their exile began and they had to kill their own in Starfleet to get away. The highest cost of duty to be paid, death being far more kind.
"If there is more to have," she said quietly, standing still before Nicole - a trickle of sweat running down her neck after her exercise, "I would like to find out." |