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Topic: PRO: S [D02|1020] Relieved (Read 207 times) previous topic - next topic

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PRO: S [D02|1020] Relieved
(OOC: This is a pretty heavy post. Rhys references suicide. Consider this a trigger warning.]

[Lt. Rhys Williams| Junior officer's quarters | Deck 13/Vector 01 | USS Theurgy]  attn: @Auctor Lucan

Rhys sat on the floor of his quarters, the covers of his bed and various items of clothing strewn around the room. Remains of half consumed meals festered where he had left them days before. Rhys' usually hyper clean quarters had given way to dust, grime and Rhys sat in the middle of it staring off into the distance. Tears slid slowly down his face; his reddened eyes felt so hot like they were infected. The anger had come and taken over for a moment, but it had quickly given away to despair and now he was just numb.

In some way's numbness was the worst feeling of all. Other than to get something to eat from the replicator or take a shower Rhys had barely moved from his spot on the floor for days. He had been relieved of his duties. Relieved sounded like such a nice word but it had rung in his ears like the death knell of his career. "What a strange thing to worry about." he thought to himself. "Here I am on a ship considered to be mutinous by the entire Federation and I am worrying about my career." However, being relieved of his duty by Commander Hathev had somehow felt more final.

Of course, the rational side of himself knew full well that getting his career back on track was a relatively simple process. He just had to submit himself to counselling. His blunt refusal both to himself and his superior of this option was at the root of the problems. Was it pride? Even he was not really sure but that was an option.

He was broken now, even he could see that. Before this Rhys had been unhappy, depressed and lonely but he had functioned. When one of his patients had been revealed to be a murderer, he had been like a puppet with its strings cut. It had seemed to prove all his darkest fears about himself, that he was a failure who brought problems on those around him. He had spent all his time going over the files and his notes trying to see what he had missed in Brett Hansen's character.

Rhys had known he was angry and hurt that much was obvious, but he had no idea Brett would do what he did. Or maybe he had, maybe his lousy counselling sessions had pushed him to do it. Of course, he couldn't really be trusted to work with anyone again, and so he had stopped showing up to appointments. The façade he had carefully arranged of a young man who may be troubled but was functioning just fine crumbled like a sandcastle before the tide of reality.

Now in the end his only real reason for getting up in the morning was gone. He did not feel he had made any real friends on the crew, he felt utterly isolated. He had spent much of his career in Starfleet existing but never really living. Now it was even worse than that. His uniform had more personality than him, so who was he in the end without it.

He had thought of killing himself, previously the most illogical thought of all was feeling more and more logical. It sounded so reasonable. "Life is not turning out how you hoped it would. You are unhappy more than you are happy, why not relive yourself from the universe." He knew this was an awful rationalisation, but it was so powerful.

His eyes drifted over to a picture by his bed so far unspoiled by the chaos of his life. There were two families stood side by side. An eleven-year-old Rhys smiled out of the picture. He had his arm linked with a young girl with ridiculously bright red hair and a toothy grin. Behind the children were two sets of parents. That had been a better time, no worries. Parents were invincible and had all the wisdom of the world. He so wished to be back there again.

[Lt. Rhys Williams| Holodeck 6| Deck 21/Vector3|USS Theurgy]

Without even thinking about it, Rhys had got up dressed himself and headed for the nearest vacant holodeck.

The doors opened on the green fields and sea breeze of his home. He stood at the top of his road. At the far end was a small village hall, where he knew without a shadow of a doubt would be a choir practicing. In fact, he half imagined he could hear the words ofCalon Lân drifting over the rolling hills. He had a half serious idea of sealing himself in here surrounded by Ghosts that looked as vibrant as real as anyone. He sighed and headed off down the street to his home.
  • Last Edit: July 26, 2020, 02:09:06 AM by Auctor Lucan

Re: PRO: S [D02|1020] Relieved
Reply #1
[ Lieutenant JG Evelyn Rawley, callsign "Ghost" | Holodeck 6 | Deck 21 | USS Theurgy ]
Having a breather, Evelyn Rawley had scheduled a session on the holodeck for herself. More patrols were due, but she had a mind to get some brief bloody R&R before then. So, imagine her surprise when she stepped up to her holodeck and found it already in use.

"What the bloody hell? What kind of wanker steals someone's precious me-time? Bollocks," she mumbled with her upper lip curled as she forcefully punched in the authorisation set for the hour to use the deck, and stepped into the running session. Some fucking Earth setting, on the country-side. A damn village. She didn't care one whit about it.

"Oi! Who the fuck and hijacked my holo-deck time? I swear I will end this bloody program now lest you fucking show yourself!" she announced and cast her glare about, dressed as she was in baggy trousers, heavy boots and a white tank top. She had wanted to get a massage by some holo-toon, and yet here she was, being denied it, and she really wasn't happy about it.

"Come on! I know you fucker is in here so speak up!" she said, and could merely hope there wasn't some bloody superior officer or something in there, and that the damn simulation was mission-critical. Then, she might give a toss, but based on appearances, she couldn't quite see what the damn place had to do with the parasitic invasion of the Federation and beyond.
  • Last Edit: July 26, 2020, 02:40:14 AM by Auctor Lucan

Re: PRO: S [D02|1020] Relieved
Reply #2
[Lt. Rhys Williams| Junior officer's quarters | Deck 13/Vector 01 | USS Theurgy] attn: @Auctor Lucan

There was a voice on the wind as he approached the holo-representation of his family home. Rhys did all he could ignore it. However, it pierced through like the voice of someone waking him from a dream. IT was a call to a reality he desperately wanted to avoid.

As the fog slowly lifted and he was dragged reluctantly back to his living nightmare logical centres of his brain started to kick in again. He was on the holodeck and you had to book time for that. He had likely interfered in someone's time. He did feel guilty and selfish about that, but he had not been functioning normally. However, he could not be in any worse a situation so a tiny treacherous part of him cared very little.

He felt reluctant to have someone else exploring something that was so personal to him. "Computer end programme." He said in a weary voice. The images around him faded revealing another member of the crew. He did not really recognise her.

He was certain he looked awful at this point. He was wearing his uniform out of habit, but it was really in the face that everything looked wrong. His eyes were bloodshot, he had obviously been crying. Even worse was how unfocused they were. Rather than looking at her he seemed to be looking through her. "Sorry, I didn't realise someone else had booked time." He had heard the angry jibes she had thrown his way, and was not angry they were just taken with bleak acceptance. Really at this stage there was nothing that could be said to him that would make him feel worse than he already did. He silently made a gesture toward the rest of the holodeck, indicating it was all hers.
  • Last Edit: July 31, 2020, 09:25:31 PM by Juzzie

Re: PRO: S [D02|1020] Relieved
Reply #3
[ Lieutenant JG Evelyn Rawley, callsign "Ghost" | Holodeck 6 | Deck 21 | USS Theurgy ]
Not sure what she'd expected when she called out the bloody bastard on his cheekiness in taking her holodeck time, Rawley was sure she hadn't thought she'd see him yield it immediately without any contest.

Instead, she was met by the sight of a lone officer in a teal collared uniform. Looked a bit worse for wear too. Crestfallen, that was how she might describe him. She was all riled up, full of adrenaline, and when she first intended to speak, she caught herself being about to launch a litany of profanities his way, asking what the fuck his problem was and why he was so damn arrogant he didn't care for anything than himself. She stilled her tongue in time, though, realising that the guy actually looked like he'd had a real rough time. From what, she had no idea, but she figured that instigating a fight with him wouldn't be that sound.

"Hey," she said before he left the holodeck. "What's the issue, chap? If you want a couple of bloody minutes before I begin, that's fine."

She wasn't the kind to apologise, and even less likely so when she'd really not done anything wrong, She was merely exercising her freedom of speech to her fellow Junior Officer. Without saying anything about it, she hoped that the man wasn't too hurt by being thrown out of his planned reprieve.

"I can step outside if you want," she added, seeing if he was the talkative lot or if she'd have to break the ice with something else instead. Clearly, it seemed like he needed some company, that was for sure.

OOC: Sorry for the slight delay and thanks for the patience! I think I've kept you updated through the Main OOC about my visitors etc, but now it's up! :)

Re: PRO: S [D02|1020] Relieved
Reply #4
[Lt. Rhys Williams| Junior officer's quarters | Deck 13/Vector 01 | USS Theurgy] attn: @Auctor Lucan

Rhys wasn't blind, he could see in the demeanour of the woman before him a certain deflation. She had been angry, there was a tension to her as if she had been expecting an argument or a fight with who ever had taken her no doubt precious slot in the holodeck. That tension was fading however the more she seemed to take him in and the more she spoke.

He was sure he looked terrible, but at this point he did not really care. What was more important to him was how terrible he felt. His normally shockingly blue eyes seemed dead and were looking who knew where at the moment. "No no, it was my error. I can't in good conscience take up more of your time in here." It was something else for him to feel guilty about. She needed a break naturally. Unlike him she was doing something important and valuable on the ship.

He knew feeling guilty over a simple faux pas of having taken a slot in the holodeck without checking it was free, was a colossal overreaction. Under other circumstances she would have shouted at him, he would have apologised an felt a guilty twinge for a little while and they would have each moved on with their lives. However, every negative feeling was lingering now. Each one clinging to his heart and mind like a tumour.

"No  you don't have to go anywhere I will go." In the midst of his apologies he realised she had asked him what was wrong. Under other circumstances he would have brushed that comment off with the ever useful. 'Oh nothing.' Which he learned as a counsellor meant 'everything is wrong, I just don't want or know how to express it.' Now however, he spoke the truth automatically. Almost robotically. "I.... I've been relieved of duty."  He felt the feeling of tears again and struggled to overcome them. He bit his lip, swallowed and took a deep shaky breath, just about avoiding the embarrassment of bursting into tears in front of another officer.

It took so much effort in fact that he did not move towards the door as he had been intending. He stood their almost rocking back and forth on his heels with the effort of containing his feelings. He was sure who ever this was would not really want to hear what he had to say. She might be polite about it but at the end of the day she was hear to relax not interact with a fellow crewmate clearly in throws of a nervous breakdown.

Re: PRO: S [D02|1020] Relieved
Reply #5
[ Lieutenant JG Evelyn Rawley, callsign "Ghost" | Holodeck 6 | Deck 21 | USS Theurgy ]
Oh, bloody hell, thought Rawley as she looked at the poor sod in the ruffled uniform, hearing that he'd just been relieved from duty and evidently not handling it well. She really hadn't planned on being some damn shoulder to cry on, but fuck it, the bloke seemed ready to talk about it, and what kind of fellow officer would she be if she didn't - at least - make a minimal effort to do the right thing?

"Hey, chap, don't worry about it," she said with a lopsided smile and walked up to him, "I've been removed from duty several times. Big mouth of mine getting me into trouble. Started before the Academy, so  am a hopeless case. I am bloody surprised, actually, that I've managed to stay out of the brig more than I've managed to avoid sickbay."

She said this with a chuckle, and standing closer to him, she gave him an encouraging clap on the shoulder. "Take it from someone who's been there before, it's not the end of the world, and given the dire straits this bloody ship is in, it's not like you'll be out of that uniform permanently. We need all the help we can get to pull off this damn mission, I'm sure. You want to talk about it, or would you rather see a counsellor? What's your name?"

Looking around, she decided to activate the holodeck with the program she had in mind.  "Initiate program Rawley-Zero-Seven, massage parlour."

While she listened to the man, she removed her jacket, standing in a wooden locker room.

Re: PRO: S [D02|1020] Relieved
Reply #6
[Lt. Rhys Williams| Junior officer's quarters | Deck 13/Vector 01 | USS Theurgy] attn: @Auctor Lucan

His fellow officer was clearly trying to be kind about the whole affair. It was an attitude that Rhys certainly appreciated, but he was just too obviously distressed for it to help him feel better. Rhys went through life looking to people like a kicked puppy anyway. So to an extent he had become desensitised to a friendly comforting pat on the shoulder and some kind words.

It frankly amazed people he had lasted in Starfleet long enough to make it to being a senior grade lieutenant. He had no self-confidence, displayed no evidence of assertiveness. He had a habit of being incredibly passive and was intimidated by the very thought of being in charge. He was in many ways a poor fit psychologically for the tough world in which he was inhabiting.

He looked at her intently for a moment for the first time not really looking into space. "Have your actions ever cost someone their life?" There was such fear and guilt mingled and squirming like worms inside his stomach as he spoke those words. He laughed when she suggested he see a counsellor it was humourless somewhere between a bark and a cry. "I am one.... One of my patients killed someone. So, I suppose not a very good one." He gave a deep breath that shuddered through his body. "I'm Rhys." He said quietly. He was momentarily surprised as the holodeck went from its standby surroundings to a wooden locker room. He looked around him a slight furrow to his brow as he tried to work out what kind of facility it was a locker room for.

Re: PRO: S [D02|1020] Relieved
Reply #7
[ Lieutenant JG Evelyn Rawley, callsign "Ghost" | Holodeck 6 | Deck 21 | USS Theurgy ]
"I'm Rawley," said Evelyn when she got his name, and as she considered his question - feeling that it was likely a question of some relevance for him - she stepped away from him and began to undress. "In your case, you cannot accept blame for what some other bloke or blokess did. If you have been relieved from duty because of something you're not guilty of, then I bloody well think your superior officer is guilty of fucking misconduct. It can't be that you're supposed to be omniscient and know what your patients might and mightn't do. That's bloody stupid if you ask me."

She tossed her white tank top into a locker and after she'd kicked off her heavy boots, she put her thumbs behind her waistline and pulled down both panties and baggy cargo pants. Completely naked, she picked up a towel and glanced towards the former counselor with a grin. "Come on, I'll treat you. Let's have a massage together, and you can tell me more."

Rawley walked to the door leading into the spa, but paused in the door way. "Hey, what's wrong?" she asked, holding the towel in her fist next to her, the overhead light illuminating the scars on her diminutive frame. "No need to be shy. Let yourself be distracted, okay? If I can't make you think of other things, then I am sure the holograms inside here can help you unwind a bit. "

Being anything but shy, and thinking she was doing good in helping the bloke get his mind off things, Rawley hoped he would join her, but she supposed he might rather want to be by himself too. In any case, it didn't hurt to make the offer.

Re: PRO: S [D02|1020] Relieved
Reply #8
[Lt. Rhys Williams| Junior officer's quarters | Deck 13/Vector 01 | USS Theurgy] attn: @Auctor Lucan

Rhys wasn't really sure what to say in response to Rawley. There was more to the story than she was imagining. It wasn't that his superior had held him in anyway responsible. It was that he was holding himself responsible and it was dramatically affecting his performance and he had refused treatment. He wanted his commander to blame him because it felt more real than the truth. He knew it was an irrational ridiculous feeling to have but it was still there coiling at the back of his mind.

He wasn't sure how much he wanted to reveal to a person who he had just met, quite how low he was prepared to a stranger's opinion of him sink. IT was then however that he realised she had some different revealing in mind. Rhys watched pink faced and open mouthed as she started to strip down totally unashamed and uncaring in front of him. She said she was offering for them to have a massage together. Rhys was almost so stunned by her naked form and her brazenness that he was not going to say anything.

He felt really awkward just standing there, fully dressed while she was completely naked. Trying to be as casual as possible, he moved to a locker and started to remove his dishevelled uniform bit by bit. His heart thumped hard in his chest and his face turned a livid pink as each item was removed. Rhys was tall and rangy but was well built. He took care of himself and had a definite swimmer's body. He moved awkwardly past her hoping that she would not notice that his body was reacting to her. Of course, she would have had to have been blind not to have seen that. "I've never had a massage before." He confessed.

Re: PRO: S [D02|1020] Relieved
Reply #9
[ Lieutenant JG Evelyn Rawley, callsign "Ghost" | Holodeck 6 | Deck 21 | USS Theurgy ]
Seeing how he was undressing despite himself, and his lamentations, Rawley couldn't help the wolfish grin that touched her face. She had him hooked and hopefully she'd be able to get his mind of things, so that he could just get some bloody perspective.

The counselor was quite the looker too, and judging by the state of things, she might just have been a little bit 'too' effective in distracting him. She pointedly looked down and chuckled, only to raise an eyebrow at him when he stepped past her in the doorway - awkwardly getting by without brushing against her. His comment was the most astounding thing, however, and she stepped after him into the spa's wooden corridor.

"Really?" she asked with grin and fell into pace next to him, "you are shittin' me, right? Never? Oh, then you are bloody well in for a treat, I assure you. Come on!"

She slapped him on his shapely arse and stepped forth, leading the way to the room she usually went to in the simulation, which actually did have a second table as well. She shouldered the door open and was met by the massage therapist hologram, named Ethan and dressed in white linen trousers and t-shirt. She had designed him to have a long beard and braids in his hair, because why not? "Hello Ethan, I have company with me today. Care to bring a friend for him?"

"Absolutely, Miss Evelyn Rawley. I will be back shortly," said the hologram and stepped out of another door. The interior of the room was all made of the same Caledonian forest pine that the corridor had been, but one entire wall had been replaced by thick glass, which overlooked the Scottish highlands of her youth. It was a peaceful vista that she enjoyed, and it was perfect for unwinding before and after missions, whenever she needed to get kneaded and loosened up and had the time for it.

Rawley stepped up to the glass, and glanced at her company in the reflection of the glass. "You'll just have to lie down on the table when it's time, and they will handle the rest." She tossed her towel across one of the massage tables and took a deep breath. She put her hands behind her shaved head, stretching in the light of the overcast sky. "You're free to talk all you bloody want. They will not comment unless we address them directly. Your accent, by the way. Welsh?"

Soon enough, Ethan returned in the company of someone else, and Rawley smiled before heading towards her table.

Re: PRO: S [D02|1020] Relieved
Reply #10
[Lt. Rhys Williams| Holodeck 6| Deck 21/Vector3|USS Theurgy] attn: @Auctor Lucan

He had rather hoped she had not noticed his... situation. However, her raised eyebrow and amused chuckle soon disabused him of that notion. At least she wasn't angry he supposed, that was something to take comfort in at least. In all honesty she seemed more perturbed by the discovery that he hard never had a massage.

He shook his head mutely as she enquired if he was joking. He was in fact very serious. The idea of being touched by another person, who might find some imperfection, who might judge him in some way had always been at the forefront of his thinking.  It was sad and kind of pathetic, that's what he thought anyway. Of course, holodecks existed with computer generated people who would not care if he had a head growing out of his back. However, even thought they weren't real they felt real so despite the illogical nature of the feeling it persisted.

It was then of course that Rawley slapped him on the arse, and his face got redder. It was amazing that it could get redder, in order to get that red it ought to have taken a few burst blood vessels in his face. He followed her meekly into the simulation and was confronted by a hologram she called 'Ethan'. He looked incredibly distinctive with the long beard and braided hair; Rhys wondered if he had been based on someone real. He did not seem the sort of person the computer would generate randomly.

The room was made of a wood of some description, and there was glass wall overlooking a very beautiful vista. He guessed it was somewhere in Scotland. He had been there a few times as a child on holiday in happier times for his family. He was grateful of the view it allowed him to not look at her and make his position any worse. Eventually she took her place on one of the tables. Taking a towel, he reluctantly did the same. He took exactly the same position as her unsure what to do and feeling very awkward. She asked him if he was Welsh. "Yes, the accent normally does give it away." He said with a small soft smile. "I'm from the Island of Angelsey... off the coast of North Wales." He clarified, even some people who lived in the UK did not know much about the Island, after all there were no cities on it just little villages.

Ethan returned with a companion. A woman who looked around 30ish with black sleek hair dressed in a similar uniform. "You're English?" He said questioningly, which judging by her accent she was. IT was also a safe place way to begin talking.