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Day 01 [2330 hrs.] A Lost Voice

Day 01 [2330 hrs.] A Lost Voice

Medical Log. Supplemental. After the Captain gathered the new crew, it has become apparent that the repairs of the Theurgy is our top priority. Indeed, the Commanding Officer asked me - through Commander Trent - to rearrange the cue for those awaiting medical attention in our stasis units, and this, in regard to a specific crew member. I will be submitting my formal protest to have been ordered to preform this surgery, since it went against my recommendation. Yet again - with the Phoenix Project in mind - Ives has not respected medical ethics, only having the mission in mind.

When the Theurgy first encountered the Calamity, its A.I. beamed aboard the ship and killed half the bridge crew. One of them threw herself in the way between the armed hologram and Captain Ives. She took several narrow phaser beams to the centre of her chest, through her heart, and it was only her spine that kept one beam from continuing through her and hitting the Captain. When the fighting was over, she was beamed to Sickbay, where she was put in stasis in order to preserve her life. It wasn't until lately that we acquired medical supplies at the Black Opal depot, and among them, a replacement heart for her. As for new vertebrae, we were only able to obtain individual units, and not an entire new artificial spine, which would have been required in order to ensure recovery without any complications.

Now, with the Captain's orders - and against my better knowledge of the patient's needs - I have attempted to repair the damage to the patient's spine with the individual vertebrae that we had available. The replacement of the patient's heart was successful, however, but given the time it took before she was put into stasis on the day she was shot, I worry about the temporal loss of oxygen to her brain. Scans are a bit inconclusive, but the prognosis is - at least - acceptable.

So, here I am, in the dead of night, after having finished the surgery of Nicole Howard.

After this long... long day, I will finally retire. My staff is tired, both Battle Sickbays are full, and more crew with minor injuries will be lining the corridors on the morrow. It certainly doesn't help that Doctor D... Doctor Rez has yet to awake, but I will take solace in the fact that the surgery of this patient might be successful. She might even come to before I head back to my quarters, and I will be able to verify the outcome of the surgery.

- Doctor Lucan cin Nicander, Chief Medical Officer, USS Theurgy

[ Dr. Nicander | Main Sickbay | Surgical Suite 01 | Deck 11 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: Absinthe
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Having finished his log, Lucan sat on a chair next to the biobed.

Lucan hadn't showered after the surgical team left, and his chin showed an evening shade. He ran a tattooed hand over the stubble, thinking that while his hair was always unkempt - as if touched by a storm - he imagined his pale grey eyes where a shade of red around his irises. The surgical scrubs he'd worn had been discarded, and the lab coat he wore was rumpled and showed signs of two long shifts. He had taken meds to last the entirety of the day, even after having used his powers in the Temporal Observatory Lab. Something not advisable to do unless knowing exactly what you were doing, but if he hadn't, Rez, Varder and Howard wouldn't have been treated.

But as he sat there, he wanted to see this achievement. He supposed he wanted redemption, ultimately, even if the relatively small feat of restoring the human engineer to health in no way could begin to compare to the things he'd done. The things it made him do before he regained his sanity. He wanted to apologise - aloud - to someone, but he couldn't tell anyone what he'd been. What he still was... below the surface. All he could do was to try and prove to himself that he had done something good too. Something to - by any minor degree - mitigate his atrocities.

After he raised his hand to his eyes, to pinch the bridge of his nose in weariness, he found his fingers wet when he looked at them. He frowned at his tears, hardly remembering the last time he'd seen them.

The patient moved, and Lucan raised his lined eyes to the old acquaintance, and he stood up from his chair - waiting for Nicole Howard to regain consciousness. As if dressing himself in a corpse, he let himself smile - showing the face they all had come to know. A face familiar to Nicole too... even if a lot had happened since they last spoke.

A lost voice, Lucan thought, heard once more. He supposed it was one of those classic reasons why someone would enter the medical field. So remote from his own.

Re: Chapter 09: A Lost Voice | Day 01 [2330 hrs.]

Reply #1 –
[ Nicole Howard | Main Sickbay | Surgical Suite 01 | Deck 11 | USS Theurgy ] attn: Lucan

From the darkness that consumed her mind light began to erupt. Consciousness seemed to come in bits and pieces. At first she did not even know who she was or even that she was a she. But bit by bit the details came. She laid still as they came, unsure where she was even after she was decently certain who she was. Her name, or at least the name she was pretty sure was hers and not someone else’s was Nicole Howard.
 
But for now the rest of the details were lost. She did not know her age, she did not know her position in life, in fact she could not really recall the name of her own parents. It was enough to disturb most, but for her it seemed like these details didn’t matter to much.
 
Finally she decided she needed to get a look around, so she tried to sit up. Only she couldn’t. It was like something was holding her down, or maybe it was that she could not pull herself up. SHe used her arms to prop herself up. Her arms stung and her body fought against her every inch she moved. It felt like she was a lot heavier than she thought she should have been.
 
She figured that maybe if she bent her knees she’d have more leverage. So she bent her knees. That is to say she told her knees to bend.
 
They did not.
 
She blinked.
 
She could feel the cool fabric of the sheet on her legs, or at least mostly. In some spots it was like the sheet wasn’t against her skin at all. She frowned.
 
FInally, from her propped up position she spotted the strange man. He had a familiar quality to him. She was pretty sure she knew him, at the very least he seemed to be dressed like he belonged in this place… whatever it was. Maybe he knew something.
 
She opened her mouth to speak, and then closed it. No words had come out. She hadn’t said anything. She tried again. This time only an odd sound came out. The start of a word, but not the whole word. She furrowed her brow and realized she didn’t even know what she was going to say. She concentrated on a word. SHe let the word form in her mind and then she said it.
 
“Water.”
 
It was a start. Her throat was so dry. She felt like she hadn’t had a drink in… she wasn’t sure. Her brain searched for context in her memories, but they were still a blur, a smattering of random details and none of them gave her context for wanting a drink of water. SHe knew she felt like she had not had a drink in a great deal of time, or at least she was guessing that is what it felt like, again without context it was simply a sensation.
 
Slowly she was able to add more words to her thoughts. Each new word she strung together to make a new sentence, a sentence which when she had it completed she said.
 
“I would like a glass of water, I am very thirsty.”

Re: Chapter 09: A Lost Voice | Day 01 [2330 hrs.]

Reply #2 –
[ Dr. Nicander | Main Sickbay | Surgical Suite 01 | Deck 11 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: Absinthe
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When Lieutenant Commander Howard had come to, Lucan had approached her slowly and fished up his medical tricorder from his lab coat. Quietly, he scanned her and let her have the time to get her bearings and find the words she wanted to say. With the patient awake, there was a lot more to be found when scanning her, since only now had the synapses in her brain begun to light up, and the commands made to make the body move had begun to flow through her body.

Clenching his jaw, Lucan saw it... but did not say anything immediately.

"Yes," he said instead when she asked for water, and despite the readings, he gave her a smile before he stepped away, going to get what she asked for. He put a plain white straw into the small bottle before he returned to her side, his pale grey eyes taking in her condition where she lay on the biobed. Underneath the plain, thin blanket that covered her from the chest down, she was wearing a regular patient's gown that split down her back. The one she had worn when she'd been lying face-down had been removed after the spinal surgery, during which time the biobed had been pumping her blood for her. She had been bare when the heart surgery was done, and Lucan hadn't been alone since it was quite an extensive procedure to replace what's been left of her heart with the artificial one. One of the nurses had helped donning the gown she wore now, and just as her pale skin had been flawlessly sealed with his dermal regenerator, the gown was perfectly spotless. For anyone not a doctor, it was likely hard to imagine how her internal organs had been laid bare a mere hour ago.

"Easy now," he said in his exotic accent as he held out the bottle with the straw to let her drink without having to lift her head - merely requiring her to turn it to the side. With his other hand, he pocketed his tricorder again. "Only a couple of mouthfuls now. You'll get more soon. Can you tell me if you're hearing me?"

Then, as he put away the small bottle and got his answer, he continued. "My name is Dr. Lucan cin Nicander and I'm the Chief Medical Officer aboard this ship, the USS Theurgy," he said, and did so because there was no telling what she could remember if her brain had suffered from the injury to her old heart. "What's your name and how are you feeling? Do you know what happened?"

Re: Chapter 09: A Lost Voice | Day 01 [2330 hrs.]

Reply #3 –
[ Nicole Howard | Main Sickbay | Surgical Suite 01 | Deck 11 | USS Theurgy ] attn: Lucan
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Words, he said many of them and after she had a couple swallows of water he said more. She knew them, but for a few seconds their meaning was lost on her. She frowned for those few seconds as she struggled to piece together the reality of the world and the meaning of the words themselves. She knew what each meant, but she could not quite grasp them in context with each other. Then, slowly, like the pieces of a puzzle they seemed to coalesce into a complete sentence, and she understood, or at least she was pretty sure she did. A statement, a question, she needed to answer in some way.

"Easy now," he spoke with an accent that sounded familiar, yet not. She did not know where it was from. "Only a couple of mouthfuls now. You'll get more soon. Can you tell me if you're hearing me?"

And then he took the water from her. "I can hear you," she said weakly, as she allowed her body to sink back onto the bed. SHe did not have the strength to hold herself up very long at all. As she gazed up at him he spoke more words, this time it was easier to understand them, the confusion of the sentences only lasting a second or so. The frown returned, though only a glimmer of it before it passed.

"My name is Dr. Lucan cin Nicander and I'm the Chief Medical Officer aboard this ship, the USS Theurgy," he said in that same strange accent. The names sounded familiar to her, like something important. SHe did her best to hold onto them. "What's your name and how are you feeling? Do you know what happened?"

"I am Nicole Annabeth Howard," she replied furrowing her brow in concentration. The details of her life, or what she was pretty sure was her life, seemed to flitter around her mind, like wisps of smoke, impossible to hold onto for more than a few seconds at a time. So she clung onto what she could, the details seemed important and she wanted to hold them close. She grasped at what she could. "I am Chief Engineer of the USS Theurgy, service number 903-5768J-EN109." She said as if reciting something she had memorized in a half remembered past. They were words she knew, but somehow didn't make to much sense to her all the same.

"I feel..." She went on, but stopped. This was more complicated. What she had said before was a simple recitation of some details, some memorized words from a past she could barely remember. She searched her mind. "I feel... weak... tired..." She said at last her voice echoing her state of being. Her eyes drifted shut.

Then from the recesses of her mind came a flash of memory, an instant that could not be ignored. Her eyes shot open and she moved to sit up, stopping as her abdominal muscles refused to move as she willed them to. "The captain! She's shooting at the captain," she said desperately, a sudden panic in her voice. She remembered the woman, she remembered the rifle, and in some part of her mind and her heart she remembered the captain. None of them had much more than simple feelings still attached to them. She feared the rifle, she was confused by the woman, and she loved the captain.

Re: Chapter 11: A Lost Voice | Day 01 [2330 hrs.]

Reply #4 –
[ Dr. Nicander | Main Sickbay | Surgical Suite 01 | Deck 11 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: Absinthe
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Initial positive results, that's what Lucan would add to her medical journal after what she said to him - her replies on point and quite clear. She remembered who she was, and what her position aboard used to be. He rubbed the stubble on his chin and returned to her side, looking at the readings on the biobed.

Yet as he stood there, the shift came. Lucan heard her recall those last memories of hers, when she had threw herself in the way of the phaser bolts meant for Captain Ives. The readings on the biobed spiked, and he was put before the decision of giving her something to calm down, or try to do it the old fashion way - without the use of a hypospray. Whereas the first option might be most effective, it might also traumatise her, holding her down and pressing the cold muzzle of the hypospray gainst her neck. The second was more humane, but a complete gamble in how she might not heed him. Lucan looked towards the hypospray, made a face since the thing inside wished to touch her body, and then looked away.

"The Captain is alive!" he said, his weariness making his voice hoarse, and he took her hand into his own - twain tattooed hands wrapping around hers as he leaned over her. His lined, pale eyes sought hers and he spoke, wishing that she could keep looking at him while he spoke. "And so are you. The hologram is gone, and she will not return. She came from the Calamity, and we destroyed her and the ship both. You have been in stasis because of your injuries, but you are back now... You are here... So breathe deeply, slowly, and calm down. You are just out of surgery, and you must keep still lest you risk hurting yourself again, do you hear me?"

His hands squeezed her grip gently, and he resented the way the parasite inside laughed at his efforts. "Come now, deep breaths. Focus on the here and now, and how everything will be fine. You just need to take your time, and rest..."

A part of him that he had thought long gone and forgotten bled for her, knowing what he did about her condition. This time, following Ives orders had truly hurt someone, and while the defiance to Ives began as a ploy during the Phoenix Project... Lucan found his regret more real than he'd imagined. Seeing Nicole Howard's immobile panic did something to him, and he gritted his teeth in earnest ire.

Re: Chapter 11: A Lost Voice | Day 01 [2330 hrs.]

Reply #5 –
[ Nicole Howard | Main Sickbay | Surgical Suite 01 | Deck 11 | USS Theurgy ] attn: Lucan
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Her mind raced, her blood pumped, the artificial heart deep inside whirring in response to the stress to provide additional oxygenated blood to aid in her need to flee. Yet she could not flee. At first his words meant so little, she had to do something... she had to...

She blinked and tried to focus on his words. They were important. She wasn't in danger. The Captain, someone she could only vaguely remember at best and seemed only like a shadow in her memory at worst, was ok.

"You are here... So breathe deeply, slowly, and calm down. You are just out of surgery, and you must keep still lest you risk hurting yourself again, do you hear me?" She looked into his eyes as he spoke, knowing he knew what was going on, or at least he knew more than she did. "Come now, deep breaths. Focus on the here and now, and how everything will be fine. You just need to take your time, and rest..."

She took several deep breaths and did her best to calm herself down. It was not easy, the memory had seemed as bright as fire and it had rattled her to her very core. As she laid her head back down, her head coming to rest once more on the soft cushion, she was more than ever acutely aware of how helpless she was. She could barely move her body and she could not escape even if she tried, yet her body had gone into fight or flight mode so easily. She could really do neither and she was at the mercy of a man she only kind of sort of knew who was.

And she was in a place she only kind of sort of knew. It was no good. Igt was impossible for her to put into words how she felt, how consumed with a feeling of helplessness she was. Her brain felt like everything was lost in a thick fog and there were only scrapes of details she could reach out to, and she could no more hold onto them than she could hold onto a whiff of smoke.

"I can't... I can't remember it... I think she shot and I jumped... But then... nothing... and before that... nothing... It's all sort of gone," Nicole said weakly, her voice trembling as if she were on the edge of crying. And in fact she was. The emotional strain was quite a bit more than she could manage and she wanted to weep, to bawl her eyes out, yet she held it all back.

Re: Chapter 11: A Lost Voice | Day 01 [2330 hrs.]

Reply #6 –
[ Dr. Nicander | Main Sickbay | Surgical Suite 01 | Deck 11 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: Absinthe
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While there had been initial positive results, what came after certainly wasn't.

The patient was almost in a state of panic, split between recollection of the last moments before she was hurt and the fact that other parts of her long term memories weren't there. Furthermore, the lack of memory from her time in stasis didn't help, with no clear explanation for how she got to the room she was in. It was not the first time Lucan saw it, but with the readings he got from his medical tricorder, he knew that it was not a simple matter of her needing time. For Nicole Howard, there might not be much improvement in that regard, much less in regard to her ability to walk again.

"Hush now, you are safe here, give it time, and take deep breath. I will explain what I know, but you can't expect to remember it all at once," he said, which might have been a bit of an omission - truth wielded in untruth - but it was for the Bajoran's greater good that she did not fear the damper on her memories. Lucan was tired, on the verge of exhaustion, and with regrets of his own, but he pushed it aside for this patient. He remembered Kisane, and her catatonic state. With endless patience, he had been by her side, and spoken to her at great length in hope she would acknowledge him. She never did. She had just stared at the frozen image in her mind - the horror shutting down everything. Howard could at least hear him.

"You saved the Captain's life, and the mission continued. You were placed in stasis so that we could resuscitate you when we had the medical supplies needed for your recovery. You have been in stasis for a little bit less than a month," he told her, and he held her hand in both of his tattooed ones, trying to give her some anchor to the present. The thing inside, a mere echo of what it had used to be, wanted him to lean in and kiss her - taking advantage of her vulnerability. She would try to fight back, without a doubt, and the parasite would have punished her by biting off her lips.

Lucan pushed the images away, barely a notion compared to the vivid visions he'd used to have. All thanks to Heather McMillan, this mysterious Radiant that was somehow connected to the enemy. He smiled to Nicole, reassuring her, but there was no avoiding telling her the truth. "The battle delayed having your body placed in the stasis pod, and while there are treatments to make, and time to get it all back... the blood-loss to your brain might have caused you some amnesia. Long term memories or recent events, both might be affected, but I am confident you will be able to lead a full life, and regain what you've lost."

The parasite was sickened with his compassion, yet Lucan continued, even if he wanted naught more than retire and make the day finally come to an end. "As for the surgery you have undergone... it was extensive, and you may need additional supplies before you'll be completely recovered. It is too early to tell, and you need to rest, so that your body has the time to adjust. Please, remain calm, and rest assured that you are in good hands. You have questions, no doubt, and I will answer them as best as I can."

Ironic, how for once, her being in good hands was actually told in earnest. Lucan would listen to her, and by her questions, he would determine how grave her amnesia was. It would be the measure of failure on his part, while Ives' misconduct would be measured in how long it would take for her to walk again. Indeed, he would not take the blame for the Captain's orders. He had done as best as he could with the resources he got.

Re: Chapter 12: A Lost Voice | Day 01 [2330 hrs.]

Reply #7 –
[ Nicole Howard | Main Sickbay | Surgical Suite 01 | Deck 11 | USS Theurgy ] attn: Lucan
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Her head was spinning, tears welled in her eyes all but blinding her. She was lost, both in her own mind and in the world as a whole. He spoke kindly enough, but it did her little good. SHe had no history with which to make sense of it all. She gathered that she had been badly injured and it had been some time. And she was still badly damaged from it all. The broad strokes for how she got where she was were there, but it was the details she was missing. She knew she had been shot, but she could not tell in what room she had been shot. She knew that she had leapt in front of the Captain, but she did not know who the Captain was.

And as if to add to it all she was aware of the fact that she could not move her legs. Yet she had jumped in front of the shot fired at the Captain, she had jumped. So this was new. How badly had she been injured? How badly was she still injured?

She did have questions and he had volunteered to answer them.

"Ok, well I suppose we should start with how bad is it? I mean I can feel the sheet on my legs, but I can't move 'em," Nicole said moving a hand up to wipe her eyes, blinking away the tears so she could see him in focus. "And where is this? Am I one a planet? A ship? A station? And what do I do here? I mean... what did I do here? And who is the Captain? Why can't I recall what they look like? Are we part of a fleet? What is our mission? You said we continued it, but I don't remember what it is. Am I vital to it? Was I vitl to it?" The questioned poured out of her, one after another in a single stream, her voice getting more desperate as it went on, the tears welling up once more, spilling over her pale cheeks. "How long will I not remember any of this?"

As she asked the last question the tears flowed freely. She didn't openly weep, but it was very clear that the strain was no small amount. Her mind could barely cope with it all. For her it was is she had woken up in the middle of a deep ocean of doubts and knew only enough to keep her head above the water.

Re: Chapter 11: A Lost Voice | Day 01 [2330 hrs.]

Reply #8 –
[ Dr. Nicander | Main Sickbay | Surgical Suite 01 | Deck 11 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: Absinthe
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While the parasite rejoiced in seeing her obvious distress, Lucan could not feel anything but sorry for her. The questions were many, but he did not let that phase him. Instead he sat down at the edge of the bed, and spoke quietly to her about what had once been, and what her future might hold.

"You are on the Federation starship Theurgy, and we are on a mission to expose alien usurpers in Starfleet Command, meanwhile clearing our own names from being traitors, and prevent this new enemy from instigating another galactic war. You are in the primary surgical suite here in Main Sickbay, and at the moment, we are in no immediate danger from being found," he said, detailing the bigger picture first, before he continued. "Before the incident where you were hurt, you were the Chief Engineer aboard this ship, and while you only held the position for a week, you proved yourself a worthy successor to your predecessor, who was also hurt in an event we call the Niga Incident."

He paused there, his pale grey eyes seeking hers to see if she remembered any of her own fate in that event, knowing fully well that she was one of those who had been infected. Then again, the antidote he had synthesised together with Amikris Neotin also attacked the memory engrams formed during the time of infection, so most of the crew didn't remember what they did - only vestigal images of how they were infected remaining. For some, it was bad enough, having been raped when they were infected, others fooled into it, thinking they were being seduced and unknowingly becoming one of those who seized the ship and systematically sought to ensure they all became vectors for the virus.

"The Captain is Jien Ives, with a double-gender nature, being both a 'he' and a 'she' at turns. Your recovery is hard to predict, but I can tell you that while you may have lost some memories, they are bound to return to you one way or the other. What I can't tell you is how long it will take," he said as he continued, and raked a hand over his stubble as well as combing it through his unkempt hair. "As for your legs, it is too early to make a complete assessment. I can tell you that the bolt damaged both your heart and two vertebrae. It was essentially your spine that stopped the bolt. Your heart and vertebrae have been replaced by biosynthetic ones, but as of now, the readings say that the extent of damage to your spinal cord has left you paralysed below your navel. In order to treat this, we need to replace more of your spine, but at least I was able to restore your nervous system in your lower body with the vertebrae I had on hand."

Pausing, Lucan wanted the patient to absorb the information so far, and to let her ask more questions. His pale grey eyes wandered over her face, gauging her reaction to what he'd told her, and he hoped he didn't have to sedate her when she reacted.

Re: Chapter 13: A Lost Voice | Day 01 [2330 hrs.]

Reply #9 –
[ Nicole Howard | Main Sickbay | Surgical Suite 01 | Deck 11 | USS Theurgy ] attn: Lucan
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It was all she could do to listen to his response to her questions, she tried to focus on the words coming out of his mouth, but in her stressed state she found it hard to process any of it. Instead she found she was staring at at his mouth, watching as it changed shape as he spoke, more than she was actually hearing anything he said.  She knew she should listen, but it was almost all meaningless, like free floating concepts with nothing to anchor them.

She took a breath and tried to steady herself, but even her breath shook as she drew it in and exhaled. She felt tears building up in her eyes, her mind reeling from what was going on. And there was no escape, no retreat. She wanted to scream and yet could not. She wanted to run and hide, but not only was there no place to run to even if she could run. She felt the weight of her own existence crushing down on her.

Like an animal in the void, desperately trying to find context, an edge to swim to, but there was nothing. Everywhere she looked in her mind was the same gray fog of nothingness. The new information seemed to be without much use without more to fill in the edges around her mind. She had so many more questions, but she dreaded to voice them, knowing how she felt after the last few questions.

Her mind seemed to work well enough and she knew the meanings of the words he spoke, in fact if she was asked she could probably give instructions on how to fix a starship warp core, but she had no clue when she learned it or who taught her. In looking around the room she found she knew the names of many things, and more importantly she knew how they worked, but there felt like a wall between that knowledge and the context of how she learned it.

And then came the problem that she didn't know any people. As if the people, places, and events were gone but the items remained.

She took another breath as he finished answering her and she focused for a moment on what he said. She closed her eyes and tried o think.

The Theurgy...

Captain Ives...

Theurgy...

Suddenly from the nothingness came... something. She focused on it. Her concentration played itself out on her face, she searched her mind for something. A detail had emerged from the fog, but yet it was off. Something odd about it.

"Thea," she said after a long moments thought. "Thea was on the bridge too. And... I don't know. I remember something about her, but I can't... The ship... I can't..." She struggled to piece it together, like it was something important. "Thea... The ship... Projectors... Arg... It's there... I know it is... Thea needs them... She needs them for something..." She was missing a piece of the puzzle. Was Thea a person? What did she have to do with the projectors? There were some in the room with them, holo-projectors. Were those the important piece? She searched it out in her mind, looking for anything that connected to it, but found nothing.

Re: Chapter 13: A Lost Voice | Day 01 [2330 hrs.]

Reply #10 –
[ Dr. Nicander | Main Sickbay | Surgical Suite 01 | Deck 11 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: Absinthe
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Listening to what Lieutenant Commnader Howard was saying, Lucan tried to decipher what had her agitated; what memory it was that seemed important to her beyond what he'd already said.

"Emitters," he said, frowning, but he took one of her hands into his tattooed ones, and tried to remember what the reports had said about that particular battle outside the Hromi Cluster.

"You saw the assailant," he said, pausing. "You are likely on the verge of remembering that the assailant was a hologram, seeing the phaser bolts passing through her and making her shimmer before she shot you. What puzzles you, I think, is how she was able to operate without the need of the hologrid. Thea needs the holo-projectors aboard to take form, and yet this hologram didn't. Could that be it?"

Remembering the Senior Staff meeting that was being held right before the Harbinger appeared, and how Lin Kae had presented the blue print for the predecessor of the Calamity's emitter, Lucan decided to bring it up, to see if he could give her another piece of the puzzle.

"Right before you were shot, we met in the Conference Lounge, and the Holographic Specialist - Lin Kae - presented a device he was working on. Do you remember this?" he asked, but continued regardless, "He had the holographic model of it projected above the table, and when asked what you thought of dedicating resources to developing it, you said that whether there were resources was not the question, but rather if it was wise to build it and give Thea even more  freedom than she already had been given when Lin Kae unshackled her from her core programming. He did this during the Niga Incident, saving her from the infected's control over her holographic matrix."

He had yet to make his point, but now, when he hoped to have reminder her about the emitter, he returned to the day she'd been shot. "The device was a mobile emitter. The hologram that appeared on the bridge, it used such a device. You may even remember that the ship that attacked us was said to be from the future, and that was proven correct. The thing that infiltrated the ship and beamed itself unto the bridge, it was the Ship A.I. of that enemy ship, using a mobile emitter to board us. She was, in a sense, Thea's daughter, based on Thea's prototype A.I."

Having said this, Lucan wondered how much would make sense to Howard.

Re: Chapter 15: A Lost Voice | Day 01 [2330 hrs.]

Reply #11 –
[ Nicole Howard | Main Sickbay | Surgical Suite 01 | Deck 11 | USS Theurgy ] attn: Lucan
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For a long moment as he gave what he guessed to be the answer to the question she had not been able to properly word, she simply gave him a confused look. She still had no idea who Thea was and all of this was information about something she knew nothing of or why it was important. When he at last got to the end he said exactly what she needed to know. Thea was the ship, or at least the A.I. of the ship, though she remembered the distinction between the two was more than a little hazy. It was why she thought of Thea when she thought of the Theurgy. And if Thea was an AI then she was likely holographically projected and that was the purpose of the emitters.

In an instant it was as if some information sparked into existence. She remembered the emitters, she remembered the positronic brain. The designs and functions reappeared from the murky fog. She knew this ship, she knew how it worked. She didn't know anyone on it, but she knew the ship. And in a moment she felt much more relaxed. She was in her home.

Her face brightened considerably. "Then Thea is the Theurgy and I am on the Theurgy. I worked on the emitters... I think... I can't quite..." She smiled, but it was a worried sort of smile. She felt better knowing that she had a detail and it made sense, but it was only a single detail. And in that detail was the knowledge of the ship she was on. The designs and pieces of it were there, but it seemed like most was still missing in a blurred haze. She made a mental note of the details he told her, the bit about the mobile holographic unit intrigued her, even if she could not remember the meeting or the device itself. "I remember a little... I think... I mean I know the ship... or at least I think I do... But it's difficult... It's like I can't remember much beyond that..." The smile fadded, but the worry remained. She turned herself slightly and gazed up at the ceiling plates. "I can't even tell how much I can't remember or how much I can." Her voice trembled again.

Re: Chapter 15: A Lost Voice | Day 01 [2330 hrs.]

Reply #12 –
[ Dr. Nicander | Main Sickbay | Surgical Suite 01 | Deck 11 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: Absinthe
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Lucan nodded in understanding of that sentiment. After the past years that he'd carried the parasite, he was not entirely sure if his memories were that of the kin or his own. There was no telling what might be lost to him if he found a way to remove the parasite within, what knowledge he woul be bereft of. He constantly asked himself where 'he' ended and the parasite began, and after so many years, he honestly could not tell for sure.

"There is no certain way to judge that, and if I were to give any advise for this time of recovery that you face, it would be try not let the unknown eat you. Focus on what you do remember, and the rest will come in its own time. Be it by memories or re-learning some things, your path will be much easier if you try not to concern yourself with what might elude you."

He paused, remembering Kisane and her fate. He thought of what he'd say to her, if he had managed to make her recover. He would have expected her to not remember everything, suppressing the horrible way in which her parents had died - shied away from the atrocious acts of Sanael that had made her mind withdraw. Despite the years, he did remember what he'd say to her, and the saying would make sense to most species.

"Ride the winds you are familiar with," he told Nicole Howard as he stood by her side, "and they will take you to places you used to know."

Re: Chapter 15: A Lost Voice | Day 01 [2330 hrs.]

Reply #13 –
[ Nicole Howard | Main Sickbay | Surgical Suite 01 | Deck 11 | USS Theurgy ] attn: Lucan
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It was Nicole could do to nod. She took a deep breath and though it shook with some repressed cry, she knew she was mostly ok. She leaned back and did her best to relax on the biobed she was on. "I think I would just like to rest for a bit, maybe be alone if that's ok," she said at last. "Maybe a PADD with something to read too... And some water." She felt a little awkward making a list of things she wanted, but she knew if she was to spend time alone she was going to need some things just to get by.

She really had no clue what she wanted, she just knew that though she felt a little better from the conversation she could not help but feel there was little more to say. Her mind remained much as it had been and though she now knew enough to string together a few sentences and she had a recollection of how much of the ship worked, even vague memories of some person who was also the ship, she had little beyond that.

And in truth part of her just wanted to be alone with her thoughts, she had a lot to think about after all and it was not like she could expect to much help with metaphorically getting her feet on the ground at this point. SHe was stuck in a place she could not escape from, both mentally and physically, and there was no use fighting. So she may as well get comfortable.

"Thank you for putting me back together," she offered with a genuine sort of smile. "I know it must not have been too easy, but it sounds like you did a good job. I mean I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be here at all if you hadn't got my heart... Well if you hadn't installed a new one..."

Re: Chapter 15: A Lost Voice | Day 01 [2330 hrs.]

Reply #14 –
[ Dr. Nicander | Main Sickbay | Surgical Suite 01 | Deck 11 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: Absinthe
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Lucan understood her need to be alone and to think. He also needed to figure out his next step. Yet having used his Câroon abilities to the extent that he had, the toll was getting to him. The parasite was the reason he had managed to unleash the kind of attack he had against Sonja Acreth without dying, and he'd still had to take medication to remain on his feet and preform the surgeries he had. Now, the medications were thinning out, and he had to retire for the day. Despite how the battle had all three sickbays filled with patients, his Assistant Chief Medical Officer had yet to wake up from her surgery, and his Head Nurse had just given birth, he could not continue. Not without endangering his patients. He'd have to put faith in the EMH doctors and the medical officers still available. Again, he lamented the loss of their LMH, who would have been a great asset right then.

Funny, how that had become a real concern. The Radiant had truly changed him.

"I will have a nurse bring you water, and move you to the recovery ward. I will visit you tomorrow to see if there has been any progress with your amnesia," he told Nicole Howard, "And as for your surgery, I wish we could have replaced more of your spine and ensured full use of your legs from day one, but your new heart is strong, and I hope you have faith in the winds to bring you to your lost memories. You'll get the use of your legs back, one way or the other, so rest now, and know that you will pull through. You are not the first patient of mine to go through this, and I can help you recover just as well as they did."

He stepped towards the sliding doors, and his thoughts went to Kisane anew. He had not been able to help her, but she was the reason he went into the medical field. Before the parasite, and despite his past notion to punish his people for what they did to her, he had actually found forvgivness in the gratitude of his patients. Forgiveness for failing Kisane.

"Rest well, Lieutenant Commmander Howard," he said before he left, "and have faith in the winds."

- FIN
 
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