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Topic: Day 32 [0900 hrs.] Further Steps  (Read 361 times) previous topic - next topic

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Day 32 [0900 hrs.] Further Steps
[ CPO Mickayla MacGregor | Outside Main Sickbay | Deck 11 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy | Aldea ] Attn: @P.C. Haring
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Chief Petty Officer Mickayla MacGregor advanced down the passageway, her dress billowing outward to match her stride as she did so. That was probably going to be the most first, if not the most obvious thing that her counsellor would see when she entered her office. Despite being off duty on each of the occasions for her sessions with Hathev, for her first two, Mickayla had worn her duty uniform. This time, however, she had opted for a red dress that she had found down on Aldea. It was one of two that she had found that she liked but this was the more modest of the two. The other was more something that Faye would wear, and thus probably not appropriate for a counselling session. Not that she knew what was appropriate for one.

Today would be her third session with the Vulcan; sessions that had, so far, occurred on a fortnightly basis. It hadn't exactly been planned that way but Mickayla's planned second session had been interrupted by her being held captive by pirates down in one of Aldea's ghost cities. That had led to an extended mission aboard the IKS Kut'luch to hunt down some pirates which had turned into some sort of trap. Or at least she felt it had been a trap. Those, among other events, hadn't left her a lot of time to work on what Hathev had asked her to do. They had still talked some, about her being on a Klingon ship, and being captured by pirates. The mirror task was to continue, and, at the time, she had still yet to find something new to do to help her adjust. Since then, she had found something which she enjoyed doing.

"With all objectives completed, I wonder what she will ask of me next," Mickayla wondered as she approached sickbay. "I just hope she doesn't ask about Faye. Not sure how I am going to explain that. Managed to avoid it last time so hopefully I can again," the Klingon mused as the doors opened ahead of her, granting her entry. She kept walking until she reached the NCO at the reception duty station.

"Chief MacGregor to see Counsellor Hathev," Mickayla informed her calmly, her tone relaxed. "I have an appointment."

"Have a seat Chief," the NCO responded. "I'll let her know you have arrived."

"Thank you," Mickayla replied, moving to sit on one of the seats, idly noting how different the dress' fabric felt against her compared to her uniform. "I think I am going to need more clothes like this. They don't irritate my skin nearly as much."

OOC: I hope this opening works for you @P.C. Haring If it doesn't, let me know what I need to change.

Mickayla's Outfit (Without visible jewelry.):

[Show/Hide]
PO3 Lorad [Show/Hide]
Lt. JG Donna 'Chance' Petterson [Show/Hide]
CPO Mickayla MacGregor [Show/Hide]
CM3 Samala [Show/Hide]
Lt. T'Less [Show/Hide]

  • P.C. Haring
  • [*][*][*]
  • Beware a Vulcan who smiles.
Re: Day 32 [0900hrs.] Further Steps
Reply #1
[ Lt. Cmdr. Hathev | Chief Counselor's Office | Deck 11 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy] Attn: @Stegro88 

Hathev was going over her notes from her first two sessions with Chief MacGregor when her comm beeped. 

"Hathev, here."

[Commander, your 0900 appointment is here.]

"Thank you, crewmen.  Please send her in."

She did not wait for a response before closing the line and returning her attention to closing up her terminal.  After only a moment the chime to her door rang.

"Enter."

The doors parted and closed almost as quickly.

"Please make yourself comfortable, Chief.  If you wish to avail yourself of the replicator, please feel free to..."

She had looked up from her console in that moment and the sight in front of her was so far from what she had expected to see, that it caught her off guard.   Instead of a former Half-Klingon turned full Klingon, unsure of herself and visibly angry to the point where she would shatter a vase against a wall, there stood a young woman in a striking red dress that drew an appealing contrast against her naturally darker Klingon tones.   There was no sign of the anger, no sign of the insecurity.  Instead Chief Macgregor carried a confidence of self that might have made others question if this was the same individual who had been at her door twice before.

"...to do so," she finished as she turned off her console, took her café americano in hand, and transitioned from the seat behind her desk, to her counseling chair.

"I apologize for my reaction, Chief.  Suffice to say I did not anticipate the nature of your entrance.   I see you have been putting our conversations about being comfortable in your own body to good use."
Lt. Commander Hathev - [Show/Hide]

Re: Day 32 [0900hrs.] Further Steps
Reply #2
[ CPO Mickayla MacGregor | Chief Councillor's Office | Deck 11 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy | Aldea ] Attn: @P.C. Haring
[Show/Hide]


When directed, Mickayla had risen from her seat and strode past the reception station, her dress again billowing out around her feet. It really was the perfect length, the Klingon decided, in that it concealed her feet without being so long as to get underfoot. She had yet to decide on a preferred choice of footwear to go with the dress, her usual preference of poots in various designs not matching with her new style at all. The doors to the counsellor's office opened at her approach and she strode through without delay, the doors closing behind her.

"Please make yourself comfortable, Chief.  If you wish to avail yourself of the replicator, please feel free to..." Hathev had begun, not looking up from her console at first and thus not seeing Mickayla. But the Klingon took a small measure of satisfaction when the Vulcan did finally look up, as the counsellor's voice paused in its delivery. But while her voice, her eyes were at work, Mickayla could see, gazing at the Klingon and appraising her. "...to do so," Hathev finished, as she stood up, and moved to what Mickayla knew to be her 'counselling chair', drink in hand.

"I'm alright, thank you ma'am," Mickayla acknowledge as she moved across the room and sat down across from Hathev. As she settled, adjusting her dress a little so that it irritated her skin less, Mickayla listened as the Vulcan apologised for her stunted speech.

"No need to apologise, ma'am," Mickayla assured the Vulcan counsellor calmly. "I have been trying to be comfortable with myself and I have been getting some help with that, which has worked well in tandem with your guides," Mickayla added, not wanting to insult Hathev. "Since these sessions occur off duty, I decided that something less formal and more casual seemed appropriate. And you can call me Mickayla, ma'am. If you want to."
PO3 Lorad [Show/Hide]
Lt. JG Donna 'Chance' Petterson [Show/Hide]
CPO Mickayla MacGregor [Show/Hide]
CM3 Samala [Show/Hide]
Lt. T'Less [Show/Hide]

  • P.C. Haring
  • [*][*][*]
  • Beware a Vulcan who smiles.
Re: Day 32 [0900hrs.] Further Steps
Reply #3
Lt. Cmdr. Hathev | Chief Counselor's Office | Deck 11 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy] Attn: @Stegro88 
 
Hathev settled into her seat and took a sip from her latte as Mickayla settled in.

"Very well," she conceded.  "And since we are on the topic, you need not refer to me as 'ma'am'.   You may feel free to use my name as well."

As she took stock of Mickayla, several things occurred to Hathev almost all at once.   She had made mention of getting additional help with becoming comfortable with herself.  The tone of voice she had used when referring to these sessions almost seemed apologetic, as though concerned that finding help from another source might in some way offend her.   Nothing could have been further from the truth, and even if she was allowing herself to feel offense, there was none to be had.

"It is both appropriate, and logical, for you to utilize additional methods beyond these sessions.   While the counseling staff and I will always be available to you, we merely act as sounding boards and, in a limited capacity, as guides.  In the end, however, it is incumbent on the patient, in this case you, to use that guidance as a foundation to build upon in your daily life."

She paused a moment allowing that to sink in.  

"It is important to mark our success and to celebrate them as it is to understand and learn from our failures.   To that end would you speak in greater detail to your efforts and the successes they have brought you?"
Lt. Commander Hathev - [Show/Hide]

Re: Day 32 [0900hrs.] Further Steps
Reply #4
[ CPO Mickayla MacGregor | Chief Councillor's Office | Deck 11 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy | Aldea ] Attn: @P.C. Haring
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Mickayla resisted the urge to shift in her seat as Hathev eyed her appraisingly after acknowledging that the Klingon could call her by her given name as well. This was another senior officer that Mickayla could call by their given name, depending on the circumstances of course. Still, it was a liberty that she didn't plan on abusing and Mickayla made a mental note to be careful in her on duty engagements. If anything, it was the off-duty engagements, where she could use their given names, that would provide more difficulty, given her lengthy term of service adhering to rank protocols. 

She was relieved when the Vulcan began to speak again, reassuring her that it was normal for her to seek help from others beyond the scope of her counselling. Her sessions with Hathev were designed to help her reflect on her development and, perhaps in some small way, provide her guidance but it was up to her to put that into practice. Her relief at not having offended the Vulcan turned to concern though, when Hathev asked her to go into detail about what she had tried and the successes she had experienced. 

"Um, ok, ah, this is awkward," Mickayla thought to herself, trying to stop herself from panicking. "Do I tell the truth? Do I lie?" she wondered, now shifting in her seat due to nervous; something she was sure that Hathev's keen eyes would notice. "I mean, I was supposed to grow more comfortable in my own body, but I don't think that the way I went about it was what she intended."

"MIckayla, I assure you that the topics and content of our conversations are kept in the strictest of confidence as is my professional duty. Not even Thea herself is permitted to monitor or record our sessions and she is denied access to my database of patient files and notes. Unless I have compelling cause to believe a patient is a danger to either themselves or others, what is said in these sessions remains confidential. It is a commitment that I take seriously."

The Vulcan's words sliced through her mind like a scalpel, cutting her arguments to pieces with unfaltering logic that Mickayla could find no fault in. And yet it did not make the task ahead of her any easier. And that was a little strange to the Klingon. Despite everything that she had done and experienced, both with Faye, others and alone; talking about it with Hathev, who had practically sworn herself to secrecy was suddenly difficult, and embarrassing. Still, she was here, and she had promised to work with the Vulcan to better herself. This was just another step along that path.

"Ah, this is a little awkward," Mickayla began, unconsciously trying to delay what was to come. "I've been doing that mirror task in the morning, looking at myself. That's helped to reinforce what I am now. Who I am has been harder to accept, at least at first. My memories were arguing with what I was seeing each morning in the mirror. I thought I was going to go crazy until a, ah, friend, pointed out that I could be whoever I wanted to be. That I just had to make that choice and then follow through with it. And if I didn't like what I could see in the mirror, then I could change it."

"That's, um, pretty much the gist of it unless you want the raw, naked version of it,"
Mickayla joked, smiling to herself because she knew that most of the experiences that had helped her accept and grow into her new self were just that, raw and naked, if not explicit.
PO3 Lorad [Show/Hide]
Lt. JG Donna 'Chance' Petterson [Show/Hide]
CPO Mickayla MacGregor [Show/Hide]
CM3 Samala [Show/Hide]
Lt. T'Less [Show/Hide]

  • P.C. Haring
  • [*][*][*]
  • Beware a Vulcan who smiles.
Re: Day 32 [0900hrs.] Further Steps
Reply #5
Lt. Cmdr. Hathev | Chief Counselor's Office | Deck 11 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy] Attn: @Stegro88 

Hathev continued to maintain eye contact with Mickayla as she explained what had been working for her.

"What I want is irrelevant.  I am not here to interrogate you or demand information.   I'm here to listen and to help you work through those things you find it difficult to address on your own.  If you wish to share the 'raw naked version', you are free to do so.  If you wish to withhold it, you are free to do that as well."

She paused a moment to allow that to sink in.   Hathev knew Mickayla was holding something back.  Her vocal inflections, her subconscious body language, all spoke to something she was not comfortable in sharing.  That was, of course, her choice.  But Hathev wanted to make sure her patient knew why she was making that choice.

"That said, I would like you to attempt to identify the cause of your afore mentioned sense of awkwardness.  Are you willing to share your feelings on that matter?  Again, you need not go into exhaustive detail unless you wish to do so."

It was growing clearer to Hathev that although Mickayla had made marked progress in being comfortable in her new body, she had become bit more withdrawn and reserved.  In their first session, she had been an example of Klingon fury, her anger controlling her to the point she had smashed a vase against the bulkhead.   Granted she had calmed almost immediately thereafter, but since then not only had she brought her emotions under control, but she seemed to have withdrawn.  Almost as though she was afraid of something.
Was she afraid to share it with Hathev, or was she afraid to share it with herself? 
Lt. Commander Hathev - [Show/Hide]

Re: Day 32 [0900hrs.] Further Steps
Reply #6
[ CPO Mickayla MacGregor | Chief Councillor's Office | Deck 11 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy | Aldea ] Attn: @P.C. Haring
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The Klingon listened as the Vulcan spoke, first noting that Mickayla was free to say or not say whatever she felt like and second, that she would like to explore why Mickayla felt awkward discussing the topics she had mentioned. It was an interesting diversion, the Klingon noted, as she tried to ascertain herself why she felt awkward discussing how she was progressing. Sitting back further into her seat, Mickayla considered Hathev's question and how, or if, she might answer it.

"I guess," Mickayla began before pausing. She wanted to share what she had experienced. What she felt. But she was nervous about how Hathev might see her. How she might react. "Embarrassment. Nervousness. Some of the things I have done recently, and intend on continuing to do, I would never have done before. Had never even considered trying them. It wasn't how I was raised. Now, I can't imagine my life without them in it. I often feel like there is a war inside me but doing some of the things I have done; they bring me peace. If only a little."

"I'm worried about what you will think about me. About some of the things I have done,"
Mickayla admitted before clarifying. "None of it is illegal. I just don't know if it is normal either."
PO3 Lorad [Show/Hide]
Lt. JG Donna 'Chance' Petterson [Show/Hide]
CPO Mickayla MacGregor [Show/Hide]
CM3 Samala [Show/Hide]
Lt. T'Less [Show/Hide]

  • P.C. Haring
  • [*][*][*]
  • Beware a Vulcan who smiles.
Re: Day 32 [0900hrs.] Further Steps
Reply #7
[ Lt. Cmdr. Hathev | Chief Counselor's Office | Deck 11 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy] Attn: @Stegro88 

((OOC - Parts of this post were written in consultation with @Stegro88 ))

Under most circumstances, Hathev would have preferred a slower pace in the conversation.  She found it effective as it offered the patient time to thing, reflect, and analyze without external pressure from her.  But given Mickayla's comments, a quicker response was necessary lest she assume her concern to be true.

"Were your actions unethical?  Were they In violation of Starfleet protocols?  Were they in violation of your duties and responsibilities aboard this ship as a member of its crew?  Did they risk harm to either you or your fellow shipmates?"

"Ah, no to all," Mickayla said before adding. "Well maybe a little on risking harm to each other but nothing unexpected. We both wanted what we did to happen. So we accepted the risk."

Hathev nodded.  "That, Mackayla, is what we call 'informed consent'.  That kind of risk is  little different from the risk one takes when they chose to play a game of Parrises Squares.  Informed consent is a risk we chose to take knowing it's consequences.  I am referring to the risk of permanent injury or death to yourself or your shipmates and I do not believe that is a risk you and your companion took."

She paused.  "Given what you've said, I would ask you why you care what I or anybody else thinks."

This time Hathev paused to let that sink in.  She had yet to be this blunt with her and it would probably be interpreted harsher than was anticipated.   To that end, it was prudent to permit her a moment to take it in.

"I want you to hear me.  I know you are listening, but I want you to completely hear and understand what I am about to say, Mackayla."  Again she paused and this time took a sip of her drink before continuing.  "You are on a journey of self-discovery.  There is no journey more stressful or more rewarding.  You are discovering who you are, who you were, and who you wish to be.  This is one of the most fundamental questions you will face in your life, and it is a question you will face multiple times throughout your life.  There is no 'normal' when it comes to finding those answers.  Every sentient being goes through what you are, and every sentient being finds their own, unique, path to that answer."

She knew she had been going on a bit, but there was more she needed to say, more that her patient needed to hear.

"So long as you do not develop destructive habits, you are not required to justify your path to anyone.  You are not required to share details you would prefer to keep private.  But I would implore you to understand that there is no such thing as 'normal' on this journey.  What is important is that you be yourself.  Be your genuine self, and those around you will accept you for who you are and those who genuinely care about you will offer you no judgment.  Being your true self does not require large acts.  Take this appointment for example.  Today you chose to come in a dress.  That choice is an expression of who you are or, at the very least, who you want to be."

She paused, allowing an extra moment for Mackayla to take it all in.  Hathev had laid it out there, now to see if she could get Mackayla to think along those lines..

"Tell me about your new dress.  Tell me why you chose to wear it today and tell me what you believe it says about who you are, or who you want to be."
Lt. Commander Hathev - [Show/Hide]

Re: Day 32 [0900hrs.] Further Steps
Reply #8
[ CPO Mickayla MacGregor | Chief Councillor's Office | Deck 11 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy | Aldea ] Attn: @P.C. Haring
[Show/Hide]


The Vulcan's quickfire questions took Mickayla off-guard and her resulting answer was initially stammered before she was able to clarify her choice of words. This seemed to assuage Hathev as she described to the Klingon the notion of informed consent before positing another question; why did Mickayla care what anybody else thought about her. It was an interesting question, Mickayla realised, as she thought about it while Hathev spoke of the journey she was undertaking and what she could gain from it.

"Nothing about what I have experienced or had done to me could be classified as 'normal', not even remotely so," Mickayla thought to herself. "I barely recognise the person I once was and instead chose to remake myself anew, not caring what others thought. So, why am I caring now?" she wondered. The only answer she could come up with was that, despite this being off duty and at her own volition, this session was with a member of the ship's senior staff and, if she so chose, Hathev could impart some sort of sanction against Mickayla, or even Faye.

But Hathev was also right. The galaxy was a vast place and, even if only counting the number of Humans in it, all of them were individuals; each with their own quirks and behaviours. Klingons, Trills, Betazoids and many other races were filled with individuals. Mickayla would just be another one of those. And that was all she could really hope to be. An individual. Free to make her own choices and decisions. And so long as they didn't hurt others, then whatever choices she made were her own.

"Tell me about your new dress.  Tell me why you chose to wear it today and tell me what you believe it says about who you are, or who you want to be."

"My dress?" Mickayla hedged, her mind going back over what Hathev had been discussing to better understand what she was asking while she subconsciously ran her hands over the light fabric. "I'm not sure if you know this, Ma.. Hathev," she began. "But after the Savi changed me, my skin became hypersensitive. I've been told that it is more than likely going to be permanent. I could take some sort of numbing agent, but the side-effects could impact upon my ability to do my duty. So I put up with the discomfort while on duty and while off-duty I have begun to wear less, and lighter, clothing choices and styles. If I wear anything at all," Mickayla described, not realising she had said that last part until after it was out. 

"And I like the colour," she added.
PO3 Lorad [Show/Hide]
Lt. JG Donna 'Chance' Petterson [Show/Hide]
CPO Mickayla MacGregor [Show/Hide]
CM3 Samala [Show/Hide]
Lt. T'Less [Show/Hide]

  • P.C. Haring
  • [*][*][*]
  • Beware a Vulcan who smiles.
Re: Day 32 [0900 hrs.] Further Steps
Reply #9
[Lt. Cmdr. Hathev |Chief Counselors Office| Deck 11 | Vector 02 | U.S.S. Theurgy] Attn: @Stegro88 
 
Hathev took a sip of her coffee as she listened to Mickayla's answer about the dress.  While she could not argue with the answer provided, it missed the mark of what she was trying to get to.
 
"All valid reasons, without question," she conceded.  "However I do not believe they address  the core of my question."
 
It took her only a few seconds to determine how best to adjust her approach to the inquiry.  
 
"I will frame the question with a different context.   When I walk into a room wearing this uniform," she motioned to herself, "I am making a statement and communicating to all in attendance something about myself.   I am communicating that I am a Starfleet officer, a Lieutenant Commander assigned to the medical and sciences division.  It also communicates that I am in a setting where I am representing Starfleet and the Federation in either an official or unofficial capacity.  With that communicated, those in the same room as I have learned something about me, and will use that as a basis to form their perceptions of me, both positively and negatively.  In that sense you might say the uniform makes a statement."
 
She paused to let that thought settle in her patient.
 
"So in that context, I would like to know what you wish for that dress to communicate to others about who you are.  What statement do you wish it to make on your behalf?"
Lt. Commander Hathev - [Show/Hide]

Re: Day 32 [0900 hrs.] Further Steps
Reply #10
[ CPO Mickayla MacGregor | Chief Councillor's Office | Deck 11 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy | Aldea ] Attn: @P.C. Haring
[Show/Hide]


Mickayla wanted to object as Hathev rejected her response. Rejection though, was not the correct term for what Hathev did; rather it was more set it aside in search of a deeper meaning behind the dress. The Vulcan had used the example of her Starfleet uniform and what she believed it communicated to others when they saw it. She wanted to know what Mickayla expected others to see and understand about Mickayla herself when they saw her in the dress. What did she want to tell them?

That stumped the Klingon. She hadn't chosen the dress to convey a meaning. She had chosen it because her uniform irritated her skin if she wore it for too long. The dress was light and flowing, allowing it to slide across her skin rather than rub it. She liked the colour and after moving around in her quarters for a bit, she found she liked it. It was comfortable to wear.

"Hathev, I, ah," Mickayla began trying to think of a way to say what she wanted to. "I'm not sure I did pick it to make a statement. I'm comfortable in it. That is why I picked it. As I said, my uniform irritates my skin and it is inappropriate for me to walk around nude. I'm not even sure if I would want to walk around completely nude all the time. This seemed like the best course of action to take."  

"If I was incorrect and should be in uniform, I will go and change quickly,"
Mickayla proposed, slightly dejected, as she rose to her feet. "It will not take me very long."
PO3 Lorad [Show/Hide]
Lt. JG Donna 'Chance' Petterson [Show/Hide]
CPO Mickayla MacGregor [Show/Hide]
CM3 Samala [Show/Hide]
Lt. T'Less [Show/Hide]

  • P.C. Haring
  • [*][*][*]
  • Beware a Vulcan who smiles.
Re: Day 32 [0900 hrs.] Further Steps
Reply #11
[Lt. Cmdr. Hathev |Chief Counselors Office| Deck 11 | Vector 02 | U.S.S. Theurgy] Attn: @Stegro88 

Hathev put her hand up, an attempt to placate her patient.  "No," she said with perhaps more urgency than intended.  "That is not necessary Micklayla.  My comments were not intended to suggest you are inappropriately attired for this session.  Please, sit and be comfortable."

Hathev took a moment to gather herself and allow Mickayla gather herself before she resumed. 

"Please accept my apologies and allow me to clarify.  In no way do I intend to judge your actions or the actions of any other patients and I carry no expectations regarding my patients attire as long as they are comfortable.  I will tell you that during my tenure on Starbase 313, I regularly counseled a Lurian while he shared a mud bath with a harem Orion Slaves.  It was an awkward setting, but it put him at ease which allowed him to be receptive to the therapeutic process."

"In short, I am here to accommodate you.  Not the other way around.  Whether you chose to arrive in uniform, or in a dress, or wearing nothing at all, I will accommodate your needs."

There was more she intended to share most notably amore clear explanation of her questions about the dress itself, but for the moment, putting Mickayla back at ease was the primary concern and she was at risk for talking her proverbial ear off.

"Does that make sense to you, Mickayla?"
Lt. Commander Hathev - [Show/Hide]

Re: Day 32 [0900 hrs.] Further Steps
Reply #12
[ CPO Mickayla MacGregor | Chief Councillor's Office | Deck 11 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy | Aldea ] Attn: @P.C. Haring
[Show/Hide]

 Mickayla's proposed temporary departure to change her attire to something more formal was forestalled by the Vulcan counsellor's words, bringing her up short with an offer to return to her seat. As Mickayla considered her choices, Hathev went on, apologising for it appearing that she was judging Mickayla before sharing an anecdote about a time that she had a session with a Lurian and his harem of Orion slaves. Mickayla was disgusted at the thought of slaves on a Federation station before re-evaluating her decision when she remembered that the slaves were Orion. Odds were, her was the slave, not them.

Then came the offer. Hathev told Mickayla that she was there to accommodate the Klingon. It didn't matter if Mickayla chose to wear her uniform, a dress or indeed, nothing at all, the Vulcan would be at her service. Unconsciously, Mickayla's hand rose to the shoulder strap of her dress, fiddling with it for a moment as she considered putting the Vulcan's words to the test. Choosing instead to simply accept her words at face value, Mickayla sat back down on the couch and looked at Hathev.

"It does," she responded, considering how best to explain what she was feeling in that moment, and lately in general. "Growing up a hybrid was not easy. I was forced to control my physical and emotional self to a greater degree than the Humans around be lest I hurt them. Even with only 50% Klingon blood, I found myself struggling to control my anger and frustration at times. When I finally reached Starfleet training, I had a Vulcan classmate who was able to teach me some of what he had learned during his Kolinahr and it helped. Now that I am a full-blooded Klingon, I am discovering just how easy I had it growing up."

"I am generally a practical person though, hence why I am here. To deal with my sensitive skin, I chose a looser outfit with a lighter fabric," Mickayla explained by way of example. "I have never been good with my feelings or explaining them. So, to try and sort myself out and understand all the changes I am experiencing, I have come to see you."
PO3 Lorad [Show/Hide]
Lt. JG Donna 'Chance' Petterson [Show/Hide]
CPO Mickayla MacGregor [Show/Hide]
CM3 Samala [Show/Hide]
Lt. T'Less [Show/Hide]

  • P.C. Haring
  • [*][*][*]
  • Beware a Vulcan who smiles.
Re: Day 32 [0900 hrs.] Further Steps
Reply #13
[Lt. Cmdr. Hathev |Chief Counselors Office| Deck 11 | Vector 02 | U.S.S. Theurgy] Attn: @Stegro88 

Confident that she had, at least momentarily, mollified the otherwise insecure and often confused Mickayla, Hathev sat back in her seat and listened as Mickayla spoke about her struggles to control herself while growing up, and how  with the benefit of hindsight it seemed simpler as a youth.

"Both practical and logical," Hathev agreed.  "I don't have to tell you how intense Klingon emotions can be.  Given how hard you worked as a youth to find and understand yourself, the uncertainty you're feeling as you realize you have to go through this process again is certainly understandable." 

Her own words resonated with her as she, herself, was in a way undergoing a similar journey as Ms. MacGregor.  Ever since that mind meld with Cross, Hathev had been forced to re-evaluate who she was becoming and, for the first time, she started to realize just how intimidating it seemed to her; a disciplined Vulcan trained in the sciences of psychology.  If it could do that to her what could it do to a younger, less disciplined mind?  Yes, she understood and empathized all too well with young Ms. MacGregor.

Yet, before they could work on her emotional balance, Mickayla needed to come to terms with what had happened to her. 

"I want to go back, Mickayla, and I want you to remember back to your encounter with the Savi."

She paused, giving Micayla a moment. 

"I know this will be upsetting to you.  For that I apologize and I ask for your trust.  I want you to think about what happened on the Versant."  She paused.  "Tell me what comes to mind.  Do not concern yourself with structure or narrative.  Simply relate what you feel, as it comes to you."
Lt. Commander Hathev - [Show/Hide]

Re: Day 32 [0900 hrs.] Further Steps
Reply #14
[ CPO Mickayla MacGregor | Chief Councillor's Office | Deck 11 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy | Aldea ] Attn: @P.C. Haring
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The Klingon had just begun to settle back down, her resolve to better herself firming up as she could begin to see a time when her emotions were back under control. It was a day the Mickayla longed for after the last month spent trying to regain that which she had lost. She had had little success, partly due to the environment that the Klingon now found herself occupying and partly because she was still trying to discover who she was now after everything. Still, she was progressing. And then Hathev brought up wanting to talk about her time with the Savi and what they had done to her.

"Hell no!" was Mickayla's first instinct, the Klingon barely stopping herself from vocalising the thought. "No way and I reliving that nightmare!" she thought to herself before listening to the Vulcan officer explain herself and why she wanted to talk about the Savi. She wasn't asking for a debriefing or a walkthrough. Hathev was asking for Mickayla to describe how she felt about what had happened aboard that ship to her.

"Anger," Mickayla muttered, her downcast eyes rising to stare directly into the Vulcan's own. "Anger like I have never felt before. They took everything that I was, without even a care in the world about me. I was an experiment to them, nothing more," Mickayla explained, going beyond what Hathev had asked but unable to stop herself. Her hands gripped her knees through the fabric of her dress, threatening to tear it as her unstable emotional state roared into focus. Fighting herself, Mickayla tried to clamp down, to resist the tidal wave of feelings that came as she once again relived what had happened to her.

"The pod was cold, depressing after the Borg destroyed the Endeavour," Mickayla began, her memories furnishing her with the visuals and feelings like it was only yesterday. "But they didn't take us, and we wondered if we were now just bait for the Borg's next target. I don't remember the Savi arriving. I went to sleep in the escape pod and woke up in a different pod on the Versant. I was restrained, stripped naked and forced to listen as the Savi told us what he was going to do. He even introduced himself. His name was Agrand."

"All of us there, we were all hybrids, and we were given a choice. It was a smokescreen though, our choice didn't matter, and our memories were going to be erased anyway. Still, having a choice made me feel better. Until it came to my turn and I saw the second liver sitting on the table. That's when I knew,"
Mickayla explained, her voice now chilly with repressed fury. "I raged but it made no difference. I was sedated. Before I had even passed out completely the bastard had started cutting into me. I could feel the scalpel splitting me from the neck all the way down to past my navel," she described, using her hand to point just how far the incision had travelled. 
PO3 Lorad [Show/Hide]
Lt. JG Donna 'Chance' Petterson [Show/Hide]
CPO Mickayla MacGregor [Show/Hide]
CM3 Samala [Show/Hide]
Lt. T'Less [Show/Hide]

  • P.C. Haring
  • [*][*][*]
  • Beware a Vulcan who smiles.
Re: Day 32 [0900 hrs.] Further Steps
Reply #15
[Lt. Cmdr. Hathev |Chief Counselors Office| Deck 11 | Vector 02 | U.S.S. Theurgy] Attn: @Stegro88 

One did not need to be an empath to sense how upset the very idea of the thought of reliving her 'correction' and she was gratified when Mickayla displayed her trust and acquiesced.  Hathev sat forward in her seat.  She resisted the urge to physically reach out to her patient.  She needed to confront these emotions, needed to give voice to them.  For once in her life, Hathev felt for the woman.  She did not dare imagine what her experience might have been had it been her on that table, being torn apart, eviscerated, violated.

"I know how hard this must be for you and you are doing well with this exercise," she said keeping her voice softer and warmer than her typical neutral Vulcan.  It was important that Mickayla feel as safe and as at ease as possible.  "Please, continue as you are able.  Allow your thought process and associated emotions to flow as they will.  Do not concern yourself  with staying 'on topic'.  It is important that you are able to express the affect your experience had on you both in the moment, and in the aftermath.  I am here with you and you may safely share anything that comes to you."
Lt. Commander Hathev - [Show/Hide]

Re: Day 32 [0900 hrs.] Further Steps
Reply #16
[ CPO Mickayla MacGregor | Chief Councillor's Office | Deck 11 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy | Aldea ] Attn: @P.C. Haring
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In thinking about it, Mickayla could almost feel the scalpel cutting her open again and she had to shake herself to get rid of the feeling. Oddly, what helped the most though was when she placed her hands over her navel and felt the piercing beneath the dress. It was a reminder, almost a symbol of the new Mickayla MacGregor, one born that day aboard the Versant thanks to the ministrations of the Savi. And now, thinking on it for what seemed like the first time, Mickayla didn't want to go back. True, she felt more different now than she had ever felt before, but she also felt more alive than ever before as well. 

"There isn't much more to say really," Mickayla hedged evenly. "I awoke in the holding area with everyone else. We were all naked until boxes of clothes arrived. After that we waited until it was time to fight back. I joined the team in the hanger and three of us made it to that future fighter, the Reaver, and were able to use it to escape," coming up short as she remembered what came next. Her happy feelings from feeling acceptance of herself were washed away by the guilt she still felt for what she had done.

"We caught up to the Theurgy just as the Battle of the Apertures started. Dev was the pilot with the three of us squeezed into the small cockpit," Mickayla explained, unconsciously referring to the officer informally as she remembered how intimately she had been pressed against the hybrid turned Human. "Dev made sure we survived the battle but when it came time to go through the tunnel-thing, Gideon began to flip out. He kept trying to take the controls. We were going to crash. I had to do something. I hit him. I thought he was just unconscious. He wasn't. I was too strong."

Mickayla's voice died away as her mind travelled back to that moment when she realised she had killed the man. She'd been told it wasn't her fault, that it was a result of the chemical imbalance from the change by the Savi and that with treatment it wouldn't happen again. It did little to make her feel better, she remembered. She'd thrown herself into her duties and exercise to try and dim the memory as much as she could, not even realising when she had stopped thinking about it. 

Placing her hands back on her navel, Mickayla took slow, deep breaths as she felt the piercing underneath again, trying to calm her mind and remember the moment's peace she had felt earlier.
PO3 Lorad [Show/Hide]
Lt. JG Donna 'Chance' Petterson [Show/Hide]
CPO Mickayla MacGregor [Show/Hide]
CM3 Samala [Show/Hide]
Lt. T'Less [Show/Hide]