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Topic: PRO: S [D02|1020] Relieved (Read 86 times) previous topic - next topic

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PRO: S [D02|1020] Relieved
(OOC: This is a pretty heavy post. Rhys references suicide. Consider this a trigger warning.]

[Lt. Rhys Williams| Junior officer's quarters | Deck 13/Vector 01 | USS Theurgy]  attn: @Auctor Lucan

Rhys sat on the floor of his quarters, the covers of his bed and various items of clothing strewn around the room. Remains of half consumed meals festered where he had left them days before. Rhys' usually hyper clean quarters had given way to dust, grime and Rhys sat in the middle of it staring off into the distance. Tears slid slowly down his face; his reddened eyes felt so hot like they were infected. The anger had come and taken over for a moment, but it had quickly given away to despair and now he was just numb.

In some way's numbness was the worst feeling of all. Other than to get something to eat from the replicator or take a shower Rhys had barely moved from his spot on the floor for days. He had been relieved of his duties. Relieved sounded like such a nice word but it had rung in his ears like the death knell of his career. "What a strange thing to worry about." he thought to himself. "Here I am on a ship considered to be mutinous by the entire Federation and I am worrying about my career." However, being relieved of his duty by Commander Hathev had somehow felt more final.

Of course, the rational side of himself knew full well that getting his career back on track was a relatively simple process. He just had to submit himself to counselling. His blunt refusal both to himself and his superior of this option was at the root of the problems. Was it pride? Even he was not really sure but that was an option.

He was broken now, even he could see that. Before this Rhys had been unhappy, depressed and lonely but he had functioned. When one of his patients had been revealed to be a murderer, he had been like a puppet with its strings cut. It had seemed to prove all his darkest fears about himself, that he was a failure who brought problems on those around him. He had spent all his time going over the files and his notes trying to see what he had missed in Brett Hansen's character.

Rhys had known he was angry and hurt that much was obvious, but he had no idea Brett would do what he did. Or maybe he had, maybe his lousy counselling sessions had pushed him to do it. Of course, he couldn't really be trusted to work with anyone again, and so he had stopped showing up to appointments. The façade he had carefully arranged of a young man who may be troubled but was functioning just fine crumbled like a sandcastle before the tide of reality.

Now in the end his only real reason for getting up in the morning was gone. He did not feel he had made any real friends on the crew, he felt utterly isolated. He had spent much of his career in Starfleet existing but never really living. Now it was even worse than that. His uniform had more personality than him, so who was he in the end without it.

He had thought of killing himself, previously the most illogical thought of all was feeling more and more logical. It sounded so reasonable. "Life is not turning out how you hoped it would. You are unhappy more than you are happy, why not relive yourself from the universe." He knew this was an awful rationalisation, but it was so powerful.

His eyes drifted over to a picture by his bed so far unspoiled by the chaos of his life. There were two families stood side by side. An eleven-year-old Rhys smiled out of the picture. He had his arm linked with a young girl with ridiculously bright red hair and a toothy grin. Behind the children were two sets of parents. That had been a better time, no worries. Parents were invincible and had all the wisdom of the world. He so wished to be back there again.

[Lt. Rhys Williams| Holodeck 6| Deck 21/Vector3|USS Theurgy]

Without even thinking about it, Rhys had got up dressed himself and headed for the nearest vacant holodeck.

The doors opened on the green fields and sea breeze of his home. He stood at the top of his road. At the far end was a small village hall, where he knew without a shadow of a doubt would be a choir practicing. In fact, he half imagined he could hear the words ofCalon Lân drifting over the rolling hills. He had a half serious idea of sealing himself in here surrounded by Ghosts that looked as vibrant as real as anyone. He sighed and headed off down the street to his home.
  • Last Edit: July 26, 2020, 02:09:06 AM by Auctor Lucan

Re: PRO: S [D02|1020] Relieved
Reply #1
[ Lieutenant JG Evelyn Rawley, callsign "Ghost" | Holodeck 6 | Deck 21 | USS Theurgy ]
Having a breather, Evelyn Rawley had scheduled a session on the holodeck for herself. More patrols were due, but she had a mind to get some brief bloody R&R before then. So, imagine her surprise when she stepped up to her holodeck and found it already in use.

"What the bloody hell? What kind of wanker steals someone's precious me-time? Bollocks," she mumbled with her upper lip curled as she forcefully punched in the authorisation set for the hour to use the deck, and stepped into the running session. Some fucking Earth setting, on the country-side. A damn village. She didn't care one whit about it.

"Oi! Who the fuck and hijacked my holo-deck time? I swear I will end this bloody program now lest you fucking show yourself!" she announced and cast her glare about, dressed as she was in baggy trousers, heavy boots and a white tank top. She had wanted to get a massage by some holo-toon, and yet here she was, being denied it, and she really wasn't happy about it.

"Come on! I know you fucker is in here so speak up!" she said, and could merely hope there wasn't some bloody superior officer or something in there, and that the damn simulation was mission-critical. Then, she might give a toss, but based on appearances, she couldn't quite see what the damn place had to do with the parasitic invasion of the Federation and beyond.
  • Last Edit: July 26, 2020, 02:40:14 AM by Auctor Lucan

Re: PRO: S [D02|1020] Relieved
Reply #2
[Lt. Rhys Williams| Junior officer's quarters | Deck 13/Vector 01 | USS Theurgy] attn: @Auctor Lucan

There was a voice on the wind as he approached the holo-representation of his family home. Rhys did all he could ignore it. However, it pierced through like the voice of someone waking him from a dream. IT was a call to a reality he desperately wanted to avoid.

As the fog slowly lifted and he was dragged reluctantly back to his living nightmare logical centres of his brain started to kick in again. He was on the holodeck and you had to book time for that. He had likely interfered in someone's time. He did feel guilty and selfish about that, but he had not been functioning normally. However, he could not be in any worse a situation so a tiny treacherous part of him cared very little.

He felt reluctant to have someone else exploring something that was so personal to him. "Computer end programme." He said in a weary voice. The images around him faded revealing another member of the crew. He did not really recognise her.

He was certain he looked awful at this point. He was wearing his uniform out of habit, but it was really in the face that everything looked wrong. His eyes were bloodshot, he had obviously been crying. Even worse was how unfocused they were. Rather than looking at her he seemed to be looking through her. "Sorry, I didn't realise someone else had booked time." He had heard the angry jibes she had thrown his way, and was not angry they were just taken with bleak acceptance. Really at this stage there was nothing that could be said to him that would make him feel worse than he already did. He silently made a gesture toward the rest of the holodeck, indicating it was all hers.
  • Last Edit: July 31, 2020, 09:25:31 PM by Juzzie

Re: PRO: S [D02|1020] Relieved
Reply #3
[ Lieutenant JG Evelyn Rawley, callsign "Ghost" | Holodeck 6 | Deck 21 | USS Theurgy ]
Not sure what she'd expected when she called out the bloody bastard on his cheekiness in taking her holodeck time, Rawley was sure she hadn't thought she'd see him yield it immediately without any contest.

Instead, she was met by the sight of a lone officer in a teal collared uniform. Looked a bit worse for wear too. Crestfallen, that was how she might describe him. She was all riled up, full of adrenaline, and when she first intended to speak, she caught herself being about to launch a litany of profanities his way, asking what the fuck his problem was and why he was so damn arrogant he didn't care for anything than himself. She stilled her tongue in time, though, realising that the guy actually looked like he'd had a real rough time. From what, she had no idea, but she figured that instigating a fight with him wouldn't be that sound.

"Hey," she said before he left the holodeck. "What's the issue, chap? If you want a couple of bloody minutes before I begin, that's fine."

She wasn't the kind to apologise, and even less likely so when she'd really not done anything wrong, She was merely exercising her freedom of speech to her fellow Junior Officer. Without saying anything about it, she hoped that the man wasn't too hurt by being thrown out of his planned reprieve.

"I can step outside if you want," she added, seeing if he was the talkative lot or if she'd have to break the ice with something else instead. Clearly, it seemed like he needed some company, that was for sure.

OOC: Sorry for the slight delay and thanks for the patience! I think I've kept you updated through the Main OOC about my visitors etc, but now it's up! :)