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Topic: Day 07 [1100 Hours] The More Things Change... (Read 178 times) previous topic - next topic

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Day 07 [1100 Hours] The More Things Change...
Ensign Marija Ferik | Counselling Department Offices | Vector 2 | USS Theurgy ]  Attn: @Numen 
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Marija had been out of stasis for two days now, but it had already become clear to her that she needed to book an appointment with a counsellor. Not only did she wake up to the news of everything she had missed during her time in cryo but all the crap she had yet to deal with before she had ended up in stasis as well as the added trauma of her recent injury.

It had first started with the memory of her final moments before everything had gone dark, the feeling of someone's hands on the sides of her face and a quick twist, that memory alone caused her to shudder, how she'd survived having her neck and vertebra broken was beyond her and yet she had. The news about what the crew had been through did not really surprise her, things like that were part of Starfleet like and well she was pretty sure this was the ship of the damned.

It was at night however when the nightmares had started, memories of her past, of her assault at the start of the Niga incident and finally back to the memory of those hands on her head before everything had gone dark, causing her to bolt upright in her bed, shivering in a cold sweat.

She was still broken, some of the experiences on this ship had undone some of the years of hard work she had put into getting better, getting stronger. Marija had always planned on seeing a counsellor again as soon as their last crisis had been dealt with but that didn't happen, instead she had damn near died.

Still she wasn't going to let all that hard work be undone and being back on duty, her crewmate's lives depending on her being able to function and do her job and that would require more therapy. At least Saren was available, she had known the Vulcan during his first year at the Academy and then of course being a part of the original crew.

Marija had a tough time talking to people about what she had been through, be it the old events or more recent ones, even more so if she didn't know them and trust them. Saren she did, at least enough to be comfortable around him to talk about most of her issues. So she had made an appointment to see him yesterday and managed to get a slot today, which is where she currently stood.

She let her hand hover over the door chime and sighed, part of her hating that she still had to do this and pressed it, hearing the familiar door chime beeps sound, a few moments away from stepping into yet another therapy session to try and fix her broken self. The more things changed, the more they stayed the same it seemed.

  • Numen
  • [*][*][*][*][*][*]
  • " I'm trying to make science here!"
  • Awards: Awarded for participation in Part 1 of Episode 05: Courage is Fear. Awarded for participation in Part 2 of Episode 05: Courage is Fear.
Re: Day 07 [1100 Hours] The More Things Change...
Reply #1
[Ensign Seren |    Counselling Department Offices | Vector 2 | USS Theurgy | In orbit over Aldea ]
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att: @Bastila

Seren's fingers slid smoothly over the lute strings. It was a calm composition, far from the complex works the Vulcan used to play. A piece from Earth. His previous patient, an engineer by the name of Mr. Lavar Manfredi, had left the consultation before his allotted time had expired, due to a malfunction on deck 25. This had left the young Vulcan with unscheduled spare time; therefore, the most logical action had been to perform some of his vespetine activities in advance. After all, he was quite well acquainted with his next client, he reflected as his fingers plucked the strings in a particularly spirited passage. Miss Marija Ferik. He didn't need to go over his file to know her counseling records, he had written most of the last entries before he was put in cryostasis.

He had a degree of fondness for the human woman, an inherent disposition towards someone with whom he had spent a long time in his office and whom he had known since his days at the Academy. Illogical and emotional like most of the members of her species at least she didn't succumb easily to that so-called 'small talk' which Seren had so many difficulties to refine. Besides, the fact that he had known her previously spared him from the cumbersome exercise of gaining her confidence again, which entailed a good part of the early sessions with a new patient. As a consequence, they would be able to focus more effectively on what had brought her to the appointment.

Seren's fingers rose agilely up the Vulcan lute strings on a final scale... all the way to the last note that rang disharmoniously. The young Vulcan opened his dark eyes at last and stared at the instrument. One of the pegs had rotated three degrees during his performance, just enough to detune the string. A slanted eyebrow twitched faintly, the only external concession to his annoyance. The counsellor deposited the instrument in its support, next to the armchair on which he would sit during the session, and stood up. With slow, studied steps he went through the consulting room to the replicator. It consisted of a standard lounge, two armchairs and a sofa, a low coffee table between them, a desk with a console, alongside which several padd were perfectly stacked. A wide overlooking window covered  all the extension of one of the walls, showing a partial view of Aldea, shining orange and crimson beneath them, as well as part of the Klingon station where the Theurgy had docked. The only deviations from the norm were the vulcan lute and a long scroll hanging from one of the walls, on which the volutes and spirals of a proverb in his native language curled i his own handwriten script. Kol-Ut-Shan.

As Seren walked back to the low table between the seats with Marija's preferred drink just replicated in his hands, he discovered the only object that he hadn't counted among the deviations from the rule over a standard consulting room. A copy of Surak's Teachings, replicated in leather, the corners of which began to bend due to use. Seren placed the drink on the table, perfectly centered and rearranged the book so it would be in his side of the table, next to a corner. Afterwards, he briefly reviewed his own outfit in search of any wrinkles. He had chosen a long tunic, black and gold, with a wide neck that fell to the sides, leaving the synthetic tessellation over his neck skin quite visible. Aside of that sign of his recent surgery, as expected, his appearance and neatness were pristine.

Once the inspection was completed, and just at the agreed time, the door buzzed. Seren approached it and opened it with a fluid motion so that, as soon as he could see the blonde woman on the other side, he could raise his hand in the traditional salute. "Live long and prosper, Miss Ferik" he greeted, as he encouraged her to enter in his office with the other hand. Seren rarely addressed his patients by their given names unless they specified that wish. The Vulcan waited until the door closed behind her, and without further ado, he headed to his seat and sat down again on the armchair next to the lute, his posture perfect, all his body angles of forty-five or ninety degrees. Not even the slightest wrinkle in the garments he wore. "Please, state the motives for which you have requested a session".


OOC:
Kol-Ut-Shan → Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations

Re: Day 07 [1100 Hours] The More Things Change...
Reply #2
Ensign Marija Ferik | Counselling Department Offices | Vector 2 | USS Theurgy ]  Attn: @Numen 
[Show/Hide]

As she waited for the doors to slide open, she wrung her hands together. She was nervous, why was she nervous? It wasn't like this was the first time she'd ever had a counselling session before, nor was it the first time that she's spoke to Saren before. Maybe it was nervous but just apprehension, yes that must be it. Just out of stasis, getting back in the swing of things, it would be fine.

Marija didn't have long to think about it though as doors open to reveal the Vulcan standing on the other side of the door and smiled at her friend. "Live long and prosper my friend." she replied, stepping into his office. Taking a look around the room, she wasn't surprised at how he had decorated the place, it was very...him. "It's good to see you again Saren, it's been a while." the blonde added as she took a moment to look out of the window at Aldea before noting the drink on the table.

Recognising the scent immediately, Chamomile Tea with Honey her favourite drink. Really she shouldn't have been surprised Saren had remembered, he was a Vulcan after all and her experience a Vulcan never forgets...well at least this one usually didn't. To no surprise his immediately follow up words were about her reason for being her, he was never big on small talk. Admittedly she wasn't too big on it either, while she had gotten better at it over the years, she still struggled with actually partaking in it. That was one of the reasons she liked Saren, there was none of that, it was straight to business. She knew some people found that off putting about the Vulcan but it was something she preferred, there was no beating around the bush with him, what you saw was what you got and you knew where you stood. If you needed a kick up the ass to realise something, Saren would flat out tell you and wouldn't sugar coat it.

Sighing she sat down in the chair and shook her head "Oh you know the usual." she smiled softly as she took a sip of her tea, waiting for Saren to take his seat opposite her before she started talking again. Taken a moment to think about what she wanted to say and figure out where to start.

"The nightmares have started again." she said suddenly with a shake of her head and a slight chuckle "I mean of course they did, what was I expecting? Just because I went into stasis for a while that that would banish them? That I would work through them in my frozen state? I just...it would have been nice to have a few days reprieve you know?"

Lowering her head to stare at her feet, her mind raced through all her issues. "Niga." the blonde whispered before looking up at Saren. "You've read my file, you know what I've been through. I tried so hard to move past that and I vowed that I wouldn't let anything bad happen to me again after what I went through as a child. I trained to fight, got stronger. I went to therapy to regain my confidence and very first time that damn infection set in I failed to protect myself." she said, her hands balling into fists in her lap. Luckily she couldn't remember most of the events of Niga and what she had done, like a lot of people on the ship. But her initial rape that had infected her, that she remembered clear as day and shuddered at the memory. "I swore to myself that I would never let anything like that happen to me again and I failed, and the memory of that haunts me. I feel like all that hard work I went through, the therapy and the training has been undone because of that one event. What was the point of doing it, if it didn't make the slightest difference?"

 With a shake of her head, she chuckled "I was meant to talk to somebody at that after it happened, but never got the opportunity to do so as everything went to shit, again. There was fighting and the next thing I know, I feel someone's hands on my head, a slight twist and then...nothing. Like the memories of my initial...infection at Niga." she said, refusing to use the r word "I feel those hands on my head in my nightmares. They told me when I came out after cryo that my neck had been broken as well as my vertabre which they've had to replace. I don't remember that thank God but those hands on my head, that I remember. Yet another time that I failed to protect myself from harm."

Sighing, Marija stood up and started pacing, feeling her anxiety and frustration rising and needing to do something to try and burn it off by literally walking it off around the room. "I hate this Saren. I hate being a victim, I don't want to be a victim anymore and yet that's what I've been my whole life and no matter what I try to do to change that, nothing works!" she said, continuing to pace back and forth before turning to look at her friend.

"I'm broken Saren. I've been broken for a very long time and I've tried so hard to put myself back together as best I can and yet with everything that's happened I feel just as broken now as I did back then. Yes I can hold a conversation with people more than I used to but I'm still nervous around large groups of people. My job is literally to protect the people on this ship. How am I supposed to do that when I can't even protect myself? I just....is this what my life is going to be? A pain filled, broken existence doomed to failure. I try to see the positives Saren, I do but it's hard and that's before you add on the fucked up shit we find ourselves in now." she added with a nod of her head out of the window towards Aldea.

Taking a breath after her ramble, she moved at sat back down, taking several sips of her tea "I feel like therapy now will be going back and trying to fix things with me that at one point in time I thought I'd fixed, like I've taken 9 steps back and have to do it again and I don't know if I can do that again, not if the end result is going to be yet more failure."

Looking up at her friend, she allowed herself to smile "I guess my motive for requesting a session is that not only do you know me better than any other counsellor...hell person on this ship but I know you won't take any crap and give me a kick in the ass when needed and I think I'm gonna need that."
  • Last Edit: September 05, 2019, 10:41:51 PM by Bastila

  • Numen
  • [*][*][*][*][*][*]
  • " I'm trying to make science here!"
  • Awards: Awarded for participation in Part 1 of Episode 05: Courage is Fear. Awarded for participation in Part 2 of Episode 05: Courage is Fear.
Re: Day 07 [1100 Hours] The More Things Change...
Reply #3
[Ensign Seren |    Counselling Department Offices | Vector 2 | USS Theurgy | In orbit over Aldea ]
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att: @Bastila


Seren acknowledged the young human's greeting with a single nod, before he sat in his armchair. The vulcan intertwined his square fingers and listened diligently as Marija gradually began to narrate what had happened. At first the other ensign sounded like she was joking, even she grinned and chuckled faintly. Seren did not let himself be tricked by that, he knew that at times Ferik used humor as a sort of shield, a manner of disengagement from others or from what she didn't want to confront. Shortly thereafter, she began to actually describe what troubled her mind. Niga. Seren had read the logs, mainly through what his former patients had experienced during the incident. It had been a deeply disturbing event that had seriously threatened the crew and left profound scars on their psyches. It was logical that, with Marija's background, that event was especially vexatious to the young woman. So, even though his demeanor remained serene and imperturbable, his mind began to take careful account of the symptoms she specified.

Her nightmares had returned. She felt like a victim again, at the mercy of events and unable to change anything. Her self-esteem staggered and she had serious doubts about her aptitude for duty as well as her physical and mental fortitude. Also about whether the therapy would be useless, since it would mean repeating what she had already done, which had not been effective. At a certain point, she got up and began to wander nervously around the room, a behavior typical of emotional beings stressed and deeply agitated by their own feelings. However, she managed to recover enough to stop that behavior at the end of her speech and sat down again near the end of her speech.


Seren looked into her eyes, uncrossed his fingers and rose to his feet. "Take your cup and follow me," commanded the Vulcan. Once Marija obeyed his request, Seren began to stroll around the room too. However unlike her previous nervous pace, his steps were calm and measured, designed to establish a calm and smooth walk, a slow pace that would allow her to get rid of the excess energy that adrenaline and stress induced and, in turn, focus her mind on tranquility and order. He knew from experience that Marija focused better on movement, she was a person who reacted better to a stimulus that combined physical and mental activity, and the counsellor took advantage of that knowledge.

Once they had completed the second lap around the room and the light of the planet washed over their features, Seren spoke for the first time, his tone a few tones lower than the customary. So even though his intonation was still correct and monotonous it rang more private, more empathetic. Though obviously that was a feeling that was foreign to him. "You said you are broken, Marija," he said, using her given name. It was something he rarely did, only when he wanted her to pay special attention to his words. "But I do not see that there is truth in that statement," he asserted without ceasing his relentless walk around the chamber. "As in the past, you have been subjugated by circumstances beyond your control, you have allowed yourself to be dragged along by them, and you have become what you loathe most: a victim, passive, and at the mercy of the will of others. By wanting to have control over what was not in your power to command, you have lost mastery over the only thing you can dominate: yourself," he explained. "You can not predict the future, Marija, you can not control what happens around you and the act of attempting to dominate both is what produces that anguish, that fear. It is what has caused that nightmares return. However, you have forgotten that the only thing you have control over is yourself and how you react to the circumstances you experience. By forgetting that you have allowed yourself to be overwhelmed by the fear and volition of someone else. You will not be able to protect others if you do not have mastery over yourself Marija, because if you let that your emotions dominate your mind, you are enslaved by them. And of those who know how to take advantage of them against you," he added in a neutral tone, almost a perpetual and imperturbable murmur.

Once they completed a new circumvolution around the room Seren halted by the window. Aldea's light drew whimsical shapes on one side of his face, while the other remained almost hidden in the shadows. "Surak's writings teach us: 'in accepting the inevitable, one finds peace.' There will always be situations in your life that you cannot control Marija, but how you react to it, and how you interpret them afterwards, depends on you only." Seren closed his eyes and moved his neck from side to side, so that his artificial skin cracked dissonantly. "As long as you keep thinking of yourself as a victim and think you will not succeed, that is what will happen. If you manage to get rid of those feelings you will see the truth and you will be able to act in accordance with it."



OOC
Away from my computer and without a mouse, so formating will be made later.
  • Last Edit: August 31, 2019, 08:34:02 AM by Numen

Re: Day 07 [1100 Hours] The More Things Change...
Reply #4
Ensign Marija Ferik | Counselling Department Offices | Vector 2 | USS Theurgy ]  Attn: @Numen 
[Show/Hide]

While Marjia had descended into a long rant about everything that still affected her, she knew that Saren wouldn't mind. Knowing that Vulcan was no doubt adding everything she said that he deemed relevant onto a mental notepad in his head while allowing her to vent and get out everything flooding her mind. When she had finally stopped at sat down, she wasn't exactly sure what to expect beyond the usual bluntness that Saren usually provided.

Being told to take her cup and follow him was a new one for the Vulcan, but Marija did as she was asked and picked up her cup, following Saren's slow stroll around the room. At first she wondered what they were doing but felt herself slowly calming down as the adrenaline and stress she had built up during her rant and memories slowly fading and of course that had been his plan all along. If there was one person who knew that she preferred stimulus that was both physical and mental and not just one or the other it was Saren and yet again it had worked.

They had made two full laps around the room before the Vulcan had said a word to her as the light from the planet shone over the duo. While his voice sounded as monotonous as any Vulcan's, Marija knew Saren well enough to heard the pricate and empathetic tone in his voice, one she was sure few heard although it was the fact she called her by her first name that caught her attention, like it always did whenever he said it, which she had quickly learned was when he really wanted her to pay attention to what he was saying and pay attention she did, even as they continued walking around the room.

Marija listened and knew Saren was right, but as the old Human expression went knowing and doing are two completely separate things. He was right though she had taken control at some point in her life, it had taken a long time but she had done it long before she had set a foot on this ship, it all came back to Niga. Ever since then she had lost her way, had forgotten the very things Saren had said she had and it had been downhill ever since.

"I know Saren but it's hard not to feel broken. I was broke physically, mentally, emotionally. Two of those I feel a lot and I know I can't predict and control the future, but I can control how I react in the moment to it and in the moment I failed. I failed to fight off my attackers during Niga, I failed to stop that AI from breaking my neck. I am a victim, not just of what others did to me but of my own failures. If I was a little stronger, a little faster maybe I could have done better and avoiding what happened to me, yet despite all my training, all my skill it didn't help." she replied, taking another sip of her tea. "I became a security officer to help people, to protect them from suffering through I have. It took hard work and hours upon hours in the gym, getting faster, getting stronger and at the end of the day it still wasn't enough. How can you not feel like a failure when the things you did to get you to where you are aren't successful? It's not easy to just stop thinking or feeling what you do especially when evidence would suggest what you think is true."

Pausing to take a breath she held out a hand "First: Niga. Infection, wake up, get assaulted, fight back, lose fight, get raped." she counted on one finger before raising a second "Second: Enemy AI invades, gun fights, win some sure but in the end I fight and I lost, getting my neck snapped and my vertebrae destroyed, I should be dead now. Two times I fought, the very thing I trained so hard to be able to do and both times I lost." she replied, her voice filling with more frustration as her mind looped back on her failures yet again, seemingly stuck in an endless cycle.

As they finished their third circle around the office, standing by the window she listened as he spoke about Surak's writings she took on what he said and while she could see the logic in his words, she wasn't sure she believed them.

"So how am I supposed to just stop thinking those things Saren? I was raped on this ship, by members of this crew which does make me a victim and I was nearly killed too which again makes me a victim. The reason both of those happened is because I tried to fight and prevent it from happening and I lost, I failed to protect myself and that makes me a failure. So what? I'm supposed to just will myself to think "Hey Marija you can't control how things are going to go so just accept it and move on! Sure you might get beat up and raped or practically killed but oh well that's life, you can't control it. Life's a lottery be lucky! Just shrug it off and move on." she asked, her voice a mix of sarcasm, anger and frustration, yet she knew it was directed at herself and not him and was pretty sure Saren knew it too.

"Is that what I'm supposed to do Hmm? Because that's hard to do when my whole life to this point would seem to suggest that I'm not going to succeed because I haven't so far. Do you think I want to feel like this? And think what I do? I don't, I hate feeling like this, thinking like this but I can't ever seem to stop it so how Saren? Please tell me how because I don't know!" she finished, her tone remain the same until the very end where her voice went from that angry frustration to practically pleading for help as she practically broke down before her friend, the emotional weight almost becoming too much for her. The only thing keeping her from curling up into a ball and crying was her willpower and absolute refusal to shed a tear and show anymore weakness.

Taking a shuddered breath she turned to look out the window at Aldea, allowing her eyes to follow the curvature of the planet as she took slow, deep breaths to calm herself and her mind, something that ironically Saren had taught her how to do back at the Academy.   
  • Last Edit: September 05, 2019, 11:56:47 PM by Bastila

  • Numen
  • [*][*][*][*][*][*]
  • " I'm trying to make science here!"
  • Awards: Awarded for participation in Part 1 of Episode 05: Courage is Fear. Awarded for participation in Part 2 of Episode 05: Courage is Fear.
Re: Day 07 [1100 Hours] The More Things Change...
Reply #5

[Ensign Seren |    Counselling Department Offices | Vector 2 | USS Theurgy | In orbit over Aldea ]
[Show/Hide]
att: @Bastila


Seren listened in silence to Marija's words, his eyes focused on the surface of the planet. Despite the growing emotional instability of his patient, the Vulcan did not move or make any gesture that indicated that he was attentive to her facial features or that he listened to her words. He may well have been a statue carved in stone. The only thing that betrayed that he was alive and paying attention was that his chest rised smoothly with his breathing, and how his pupils moved slowly, tracing the shape of the few features that were easily distinguishable on the surface of the planet. However, his mind was active and attentive and analyzed each of his friend's key words, each change in her voice pitch, each pause, each word said and only suggested. A portion of him couldn't help but notice that, although the sec officer proclaimed that in order to succeed in the circumstances that had brought her into his presence, she needed to be faster and stronger and, nevertheless, seemed to have refused to work on those aspects. It was a contradiction typical of a creature that allowed herself to be dragged along by her feelings. However, Seren knew that Marija was an efficient patient and capable of working on her own and with others, once she managed to escape the emotional loop into which she was prone to collapse. The problem, as usual, was getting her out of that loop.

"Indeed, you have failed," said Seren as soon as the human ceased her speech. "Your skills were tested under different circumstances than custom and you were not able to find a suitable methodology to overcome uncertainty and be successful," said the Vulcan as he got moving again and walked around the room once more. There were no middle ground in his words, nor the slightest attempt to disguise reality. It wouldn't be logical. "Your actions and inactions have led you to failure. Now, I want you to specify the motives and facts that led you to that result. It is of the utmost importance that you analyze not only the physical errors or shortcomings. Reflect carefully on your answer," the counselor requested. He had a fairly accurate picture of the reasons that had led Marija to failure, but he wanted Marija to analyze those points from her own perspective.

"Before you give an adequate explanation, keep in mind: if you persist in identifying yourself as a victim, you always will be. Humans are inclined to adhere to the labels and adjectives that they themselves apply and strive to meet the expectations and behaviors inherent in those labels. So, at least in this office you will not be referred to as such manner and, as your therapist, I encourage you to choose another label to designate yourself elsewhere that differts from that term." he instructed. " In the past, you have already displayed a penchant for selecting that kind of descriptor to designate yourself, as well as for finding solace in your own suffering and inadequacy, rather than trying to find solutions. It has always been easier for you to remain motionless rejoicing in those negative emotions than to continue onward. It is the path that you find easiest and more comfortable to pursue, even though it is not agreeable for you". He admonished her, even though his voice didn't fluctuate a single beat. " It is always more difficult to seek remedies for what can be corrected and to learn from what cannot, so that it does not occur all over again. But I can only guide you to get those answers if you accept that difficult course, and endevour on it."

Re: Day 07 [1100 Hours] The More Things Change...
Reply #6
Ensign Marija Ferik | Counselling Department Offices | Vector 2 | USS Theurgy ]  Attn: @Numen 
[Show/Hide]

Marija ranted and while Saren had been his usual statuesque self, she knew he had been listening to every word she had said despite the outward appearance that he wasn't. They both knew that she was prone to "emotional outbursts" as he called it that would end with her getting stuck in a loop, which she was partially aware she was. When she finally finished her rant, Saren immediately spoke, confirming her failure, blunt as he always was. To his credit though, his bluntness always had purpose.

His instruction was simple, thinking about what had led to her last few...incidents. Taking a deep, shaky breath she thought back on that day when the Niga virus was spreading and how she had woken up and been taken by surprise by the attack and then overwhelmed. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest at the memory and shuddered, quickly moving on to the battle that had ended with her practically dead...again being taken unaware by her assailant. "I..." she began to speak then sighed and shook her head "...I was taken by surprise. Both times. I wasn't ready for or expecting an attack." she said. Especially with the Niga incident, the attack with the AI of the Calamity was a different matter, she could have been paying better attention to her surroundings but at the end of the day, both of the events she had very little control over. That was the realisation Saren was trying to get her to come to on her own. "There was nothing I could have done." she added. Her tone seemed to implied a mix of both a question and a statement.

She didn't follow him this time as he circled around the room again, opting to remain at the window, looking out over the planet as she reflected on her thoughts. Although Saren's phrasing that she rejoiced in the negative emotions about herself caused her to clench her fists in anger. Did he really think she enjoyed feeling this way? She hated it, especially when she had been working on moving forward from those very things, for years and with some success even, until she stepped foot on this ship and suffered similar fates again. That was what had caused her slight regression. Still as she thought about his words she let out another sigh. "I don't rejoice in feeling this way. I hate feeling like this..." she eventually said "...But perhaps I have gotten used to feeling this way, I don't always let it control me. I was getting better Saren, I really was. Then I stepped foot on this god forsaken ship and it's been downhill since and I revert to that old, familiar way." she said.

At his insistence that she should find herself another label to describe herself as and not a victim she snorted "Fine I'm not a victim, I'm just cursed. That's a little better. Certainly fits all things considered." Although there was a hint of humor in her voice, she wasn't exactly wrong either. At least it wasn't as negative as victim. "It's progress at least."

  • Numen
  • [*][*][*][*][*][*]
  • " I'm trying to make science here!"
  • Awards: Awarded for participation in Part 1 of Episode 05: Courage is Fear. Awarded for participation in Part 2 of Episode 05: Courage is Fear.
Re: Day 07 [1100 Hours] The More Things Change...
Reply #7
[Ensign Seren |    Counselling Department Offices | Vector 2 | USS Theurgy | In orbit over Aldea ]
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"There was nothing you could have done." Seren droned in agreement with a keen gaze on the human. If he had been from the same species than her, he probably would have smiled warmly, as a reasurement that she was right in her deduction. But he was not human. So he simply regarded her with a proper Vulcan expressionless and motionless face during exactly twenty-five seconds, before resuming his quiet walk around the room. This time, however, she didn't follow his steps, but remained by the window, washed by the orange light that reflected the planet beneath them.  Despite this, Seren never stopped again until he completed a new circuit around the room, allowing her time and physical space to ponder in her own past. The Vulcan felt a slight annoyance in the loss of the symmetry on his movement, with him displacing in a movement he had initiated for her benefit while she remained immobile. However, he hastened to repress this inappropriate feeling before it was fully formed. After all. Marija was human, which implied that her reactions were always linked to a certain degree of chaos and unpredictability.

When he completed his revolution around the room, Seren halted beside Marrija, at an appropriately safe distance, giving her the personal space she would need, but much closer than he would offer someone with whom he was not well acquainted. Even though her body posture suggested that she was unhappy with his inference about how she clung to her negative feelings. Shortly thereafter she confirmed vocally that she disagreed with him but eventually proved him right. "Certainly the events in which we have been involved are not the most suitable for promoting adequate psychological healing," conceded the Vulcan. If he had had a choice, he would not have been involved in the crazy escape that the Theurgy had been engaged in, but he had witnessed the initial message that had revealed the existence of the parasites and couldn't deny the logic of their captain's actions. Although he would have preferred that most of the crew were spared from the hardships to which they had been subjected. However, just as Marija could have done nothing to prevent the incidents that had broken her fragile psyche, Seren could do nothing to prevent that the patients under his charge would suffer the consequences of the decisions that the senior officers had been forced to make. All were bereaved of circumstances beyond their control. And how they faced those circumstances made the difference between a heroic behavior ( as much as he abhorred that human concept) and a pathological one.

For her part, Marija expressed her decision to consider herself cursed, rather than a victim. Seren regarded her as he blinked a couple of times, without fully understanding how this primitive concept could be a progress in the face of the victimization to which she subjected herself. After a brief silence, the possibility that she was making fun of herself with that statement percolated through his logical-structured brain. Seren had never fully understood humour, but he had realized the need for hilarity in emotional creatures. Especially humans. Thus, the Vulcan solemnly accepted the words of human ensign. "I do not regard it as an adequate term either" he admonished her with a severe slight frown. "I believe that the most correct word would be you are 'jinxed'" he asserted without altering his expression one iota.

Re: Day 07 [1100 Hours] The More Things Change...
Reply #8
Ensign Marija Ferik | Counselling Department Offices | Vector 2 | USS Theurgy ]  Attn: @Numen 
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"There was nothing you could have done." he repeated back to her as he gazed at her. Yet Marija knew Seren well enough to know that he was reassuring her that what she had said was the truth. If he were Human she was sure there would have been a comforting smile on his face, but since he was the most Vulcan like Vulcan she had ever met, he instead opted to give her that Vulcan like stare of his for what felt like a minute but was probably half that before he continued his journey around the room again.

As she turned to look out the window, she couldn't help but smile slightly, knowing that her lack of following him around the room would have annoyed him just a little bit, throwing off the symmetry of the two walking together, not that he would ever show it of course, but she knew. The smile however had gone by the time her friend and therapist had completed his lap around the room and returned to his spot beside her. Although he had left some space between them, she noticed right away that he was standing closer to her than he would most people, which made her smile. Even for a Vulcan as stoic as him, that small thing was enough to show the friendship the two had.

At his mention that the events they found themselves in were not ideal for psychological healing she couldn't help but chuckle, a genuine laugh that she hadn't actually done in quite a while. "That is very true my friend." she said "Unfortunately we can't pick and choose the situations we find ourselves in, life would be so much easier if we could but that's life. We just have to deal with it as best we can." she added, realising that what she had just said also applied to her own recovery, something she was sure Seren would pick up on.

Glancing over at the Vulcan beside her after she had mentioned the whole curse thing, she saw him blink a couple of times and smirked, it was rare for her to cause such a reaction out of him but was always fun when she did. She liked the think that she was simply keeping the Vulcan on his toes. Glancing back out the window, she wasn't at all surprised when he disagreed with her assessment that she was cursed, because he was a Vulcan of course he didn't. Still he did surprise her by saying that she was jinxed, which caused her head to snap to the side in his direction. His expression remained stoic neutral but she was pretty sure he'd just cracked something of a joke.

"Why Seren, if I didn't know any better I'd say you just made a little joke. That's not like you." she said and narrowed her eyes at him slightly, a smirk on her face as she studied her friend "Are you feeling okay? Or have you just spent a little too much time around us Humans that we're finally rubbing off on you?" she asked, her tone full of humour.  

  • Numen
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  • Awards: Awarded for participation in Part 1 of Episode 05: Courage is Fear. Awarded for participation in Part 2 of Episode 05: Courage is Fear.
Re: Day 07 [1100 Hours] The More Things Change...
Reply #9

[Ensign Seren |    Counselling Department Offices | Vector 2 | USS Theurgy | In orbit over Aldea ]
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Marija, without even realizing what she was doing, unconsciously pronounced the words that would lead her to the path that will bring her to her very own recovery. Once she had said them, Seren nodded earnestly. "Indeed, the manner in which we face adversity and its aftereffects is the only matter under our direct command," he repeated after her. His voice rang out monotonously, without inflection or emotion attached. Without any evidence of satisfaction or that his zygomaticus major muscles contracted mildly during a split second. All in all, a genuine Vulcan was unnable to produce a real smile. However, given the nature of his association with the other Ensign, he permitted himself to narrow his eyes slightly, barely the minimum display of an expression. A sketch of a grin flickering in his dark eyes. For her benefit. However, that slight expression barely lasted a moment and his eyes never left the window. Perhaps that expression might be confused with a flickering in the light coming from the planet. A gentle game of lights on his stern face.

The conversation evolved slowly and solemnly around how Marija should define herself. When Seren established the most appropriate term for her, the human stared at him suddenly, narrowing her pale eyes. Seren regarded her in return without the slightest variation in his face. He only tilted his head five degrees to the left. "Jokes and puns are illogical and inappropriate for a Surak disciple according to the T'Karath Sanctuary tradition" he explained parsimoniously without even blinking once or altering his facial expression in the slightest. "Ergo, your deduction has little empirical basis. " he stablished afterwards. When she queried about his health, Seren blinked only one time, a slow and measured movement. "My physical and mental condition is adequate for the performance of my duties. Aside from that, and despite having lived among humans for the last few lustrums, I could assure that I have avoided any 'rubbing' on me so far. You should know better than anyone else, as our interactions have been conducted within socially acceptable parameters for our two species, which excluded unnecesary physical contact" he explained gravely, looking her in the eye again.

 When the silence had thickened nicely between them another time, the counselor turned his eyes out of the window one more time. On the planet, beneath them, a lazy cluster of clouds swirled sluggishly over a wasteland, covering the orange surface with blue shadows. Seren inclined his head first over his left shoulder and then over his right. In so doing, the synthetic tessellation that crept up from beneath his clothes crackled dissonantly. "However, if with that ambiguous jargon you intended to ask me if I have acquired an appreciation for some members of your specie..." He chastized her after a while. "I reckon that I have learned to cherish the presence of a few humans over all these years." Seren didn't state clearly that he valued her friendship. That would have been improper, not among his species, but given the nature of their meeting as therapist and patient. But he knew that Marija would understand the meaning of his words.

"Nonetheless, despite my profession I am not the most suited companion for your emotional advancement. You are isolating yourself from your peers and I consider that it is of paramount importance that you broaden your circle of friends and let others know you as well as I do. Friendly-affective bonds are fundamental to the welfare of human beings and they will provide you with help, support and comfort beyond what I can provide you as a professional and Vulcan." He suggested. Seren was well aware that beyond the friendship that connected Marija and himself, there were certain boundaries that he could not transgress, there were certain needs that she had to cover with members of other emotional species. He could not laugh with her, or hug her for reassurance. According to human parameters, he would always be cold and distant and he knew well that she needed other friendships to help her to learn to trust in others again, to look at the bright side of the world, to restore her ties with the rest of the crew and to recover her passion for the work she had chosen for herself.

Re: Day 07 [1100 Hours] The More Things Change...
Reply #10
Ensign Marija Ferik | Counselling Department Offices | Vector 2 | USS Theurgy ]  Attn: @Numen 
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While she had indeed come to the realisation on her own when she had said it, Seren made sure to repeat it again essentially with an earnest nod, although for a very, very, very spilt second of time, Marija was sure she sure just a tiny hint of a smile start to form on the Vulcan's lips, not that she would ever point out such a thing of course...mostly because she knew what response she would get. What she did see however was the brief hint of a grin flicker across his eyes, something that she knew was for her given their friendship. It was something that made the Vulcan adorable despite his very stoic Vulcan nature.

After her examination of him after his joke and it was a joke he responded...well exactly the way she had expected him to, with outright denial. "You can deny it all you want Seren, I know what I heard and Medical said I was perfectly healthy, that includes my hearing." she countered with a smirk that evolved into a full grin "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone." she whispered conspiratorially. Truthfully he might have been joking he might not have been, it was almost impossible to tell with him, but that wouldn't stop her from teasing her friend about it.

As the conversation moved on to how he had avoided any 'rubbing' based on his own views on touching, she had to resist the urge to roll her eyes at him "I didn't mean literal...never mind." she said with a chuckle and a shake of her head. Which had lead into somewhat of a period of silence between them. When Seren turned to look out the window over the planet before, Marija decided that that would be the perfect time to do a circle around the room herself. Although whether it was to focus her mind or simply just to mess with the Vulcan a little more she wasn't entirely sure....probably a little of both if she was being truly honest with herself.

By the time she had made it back to her spot a suitable distance beside Seren, the Vulcan had included his head from side to side before speaking again, telling her that he had acquired the appreciation of some Humans over the years and had learned to cherish the presence of a few humans over the years. While he didn't come outright and say it, Marija knew that he was telling her in his own Vulcan way that she was one of those people. It actually made her heart leap into her throat for a moment, it was certainly true that her list of friends wasn't exactly a long one but she had over time counted Seren among them but for the man to say that to her meant more to her than he might ever realise.

"Awe Seren..." she whispered softly and swallowed to try and force that lump in her throat back down "I'd hug you but I know how you feel about people touching you so I won't but I want you to know that I..." she paused for a moment and smiled brightly "...I cherish your presence in my life too." she told him honestly.

Marija knew what he meant, as a Vulcan there were certain things that he couldn't help with, especially on an emotional level and if she was being truly honest with herself she didn't really have that many friends aboard that she could talk to and help her develop in that regard. Still the way he had said it made her feel a little sad. "I know Seren and I know what you mean, I will...endeavour to make more friends, can't promise it will be easy or happen soon but I will do my best. That being said however, don't underestimate what impact your friendship has on me, both mentally and emotionally." she said. The fact that she had gotten a little emotional at his words about how much he cherished their friendship was a sign of that. 

  • Numen
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  • " I'm trying to make science here!"
  • Awards: Awarded for participation in Part 1 of Episode 05: Courage is Fear. Awarded for participation in Part 2 of Episode 05: Courage is Fear.
Re: Day 07 [1100 Hours] The More Things Change...
Reply #11

[Ensign Seren |    Counselling Department Offices | Vector 2 | USS Theurgy | In orbit over Aldea ]
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Seren observed calm and quietly to his patient while she formulated her wish to offer him a hug, but that she would not due her respect for the Vulcan boundaries. And he keep staring her as she reaffirmed that she also appreciated his friendship too. Even when, in the counselor eyes, she did it in a highly emotional way. Even so, he cocked his head with appreciation, as his eyes bored into the window another time. "If you feel a keen necessity to make a physical manifestation of esteem, as your therapist I shall endevour it for you." he suggested. " After all, my job is to ensure your psychological and emotional well-being, even if it requires some non-conventional methods on certain occasions," he stated with long-suffering resignation that didn't permeate into his dreary voice.

When she answered his request positively, he simply nodded anew, as a acknowledment of her positive attitude. "I can provide you with a list of suitable prospects you can attempt to befriend, people whose interests overlap with yours and who possess personality characteristics that complement yours." He offered. At the end of the day, part of his job consisted of studying the profiles and backgrounds of the entire crew, and his memory and capacity for logical association had never failed him. "If my intervention in this facet of personal development is not pertinent for you, I can limit myself to listening to your progress with respect to your own explorations. Not only as a counselor, but as a friend" he droned



OOC
Away from my computer and without a mouse, so formating will be made later.