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DAY 01: Lost in the Mind [1015 hrs.]

DAY 01: Lost in the Mind [1015 hrs.]

[ Lahkesis Saugn | Sickbay, Primary Care Unit | Deck 07 ] Attn: Doc M.

Lahkeis Saugn's condition was stable. At least that what it said in the medical file. The burns on her skin remained, though they had faded to a degree. It was her mind that seemed to have been the most damaged by the ordeal. There was very little information about the exact nature of her Teslyliac mind, meaning that though her mind did not read as it's normal base level there was very little known about what that specifically meant. In the end she was in a catatonic state. Her mind was processing information, yet it was not taking in new information in.

Dr. Lucan had sacrificed a very nice chair to stabilize her to the point she was now. Her brain mapping showed that she was in some way trapped within memories, the damage on her skin could have been a reaction to an old memory, her body showing old wounds as it relieve the events that caused them. There was no telling, her race had so many mysteries and unique qualities that were yet unknown.

Though at this point it was quite clear that as she could not get out of her own mind, someone was going to have to go in and recover her.

Re: DAY 01: Lost in the Mind [1015 hrs.]

Reply #1 –
[ Maya | Main Sickbay | Primary Care Unit  | Deck 07 ]  Attention: Lahkesis Saugn.

Doctor Maya had spent the night in a deep trance in order to purge her psyche of the psychological scars of the past few days.  Every ponn farr surrogate back on Vulcan was trained in the technique; it was the only way to keep them from descending into madness after mental and physical contact with so many unstable individuals.  Her training and high esper rating was what allowed her to contact the minds of T'Rena's victims and undo their programming without becoming mentally unstable.  She had placed Ensign Cir'Cie in a similar trance but intended to check up on her to ascertain her condition later.

Speaking of checking up on someone, Maya hadn't seen Lahkesis Saugn since yesterday.  Ensign Saugn was
a resident physician that Maya had formed a maternal attachment to.  The girl seemed so alienated from the society around her that the green blooded physician could relate. 

When Maya was informed that Lahkesis had been in a coma since yesterday her left eyebrow rose almost two centimeters. This was a sure sign of distress.  As soon as decorum allowed, Maya made were way to the primary care unit to find her comatose protégé. 

The primary care unit composed of twelve biobeds separated into two rows of six.  Lahkesis was resting on second one on the right hand side from the point of view of someone at the nurse's duty station.  Maya's eyebrow rose in alarm at the sight of the girl's visible wounds.  They were the same wounds that had apparently been healed earlier, but somehow the burns were back.  Apparently Vulcans weren't the only species whose psychological state could affect their physical wellbeing. 

Maya glanced at the monitors.  They were almost useless.  They were set to monitor the lifesigns of a standard mammalian humanoid, but Lahkesis cells were closer to those of plants than animals.  If she was human, she could probably have been diagnosed and treated quickly, but since she was a vegetable, she was a vegetable.

Maya placed the fingertips of her right hand on Lahkesis' face before quickly drawing away.  Lahkesis was dying because she didn't want to live.  She was punishing herself by taking herself back to the time she was closest to dying just to see if she could die properly this time.  She was too young to have gone through what she had.  Maya had been trained to compartmentalize her psyche but the young and impressionable Saugn just couldn't cope.  Drawing a deep breath, Maya placed her long spidery fingers on the left side of Lahkesis' delicate face and closed her eyes.  "My mind to your mind," she whispered.  "My thoughts to your... Oh!" she squeaked as she grimaced and crouched over the girl's bed.  Tears ran down the Vulcan's face as she grit her teeth and fought through it.  "Lahkesis," she hissed.  "It's Maya.  Come back to me, loved one.  Come back to me."

Re: DAY 01: Lost in the Mind [1015 hrs.]

Reply #2 –
[ Lahkesis Saugn | Sickbay, Primary Care Unit | Deck 07 ] Attn: Doc M.

It was dark. Despite the pain of the flames now fading to somewhere into the void, Lahkesis still could not see. She still hurt and she could still feel the deep burn marks on her skin.  She could touch them in the inky blackness and she knew them, knew where they were from. Some felt like they were from the attack by the Calamity and her fighters while they were on (Planet Name), but others were far older. They were the wounds of her life. Wounds from the many tests and the fire that ended the tests. The fire had burned away the older scars, but now she could feel them once more.

All she wanted was for the pain to stop, for the fear to stop, for it all to stop. She was tired of feeling scared and alone, far from her home, far from her sisters. And in the void it felt like it was all fading away. She was no longer afraid, the loneliness seemed to fade from her mind. Even the pain did not bother her anymore, like the noise in another room, it all faded into the background. For the first time in weeks she felt at peace, calm in the naked void of it all. It would not be long now until everything slipped away.

Then from the darkness she heard a voice, calling out to her. She could not quite make it out, but she knew it at the same time. It was the voice of a friend, or perhaps someone she loved. There was no memory here to attach it to, only raw emotion. She felt love, coming from they voice, poring over her like water. It felt like she could drown in it. More than the void ever could, the love pushed the pain away. She knew she had to go back, back to where the voice was.

And in the inky void she reached out, toward the voice, toward the love. Then suddenly there was a rushing around her, like a great wind. It pulled her up, from the void and into the light.

Lahkesis opened her eyes. The blinding light around her caused her to close them again. She could feel fingers touching her face. She could hear the voice of Maya, her friend, but could not at once figure out where she was. In a weak voice she spoke. "Maya..." she whispered. "Is... it... over?"

Re: DAY 01: Lost in the Mind [1015 hrs.]

Reply #3 –
[ Maya | Main Sickbay | Primary Care Unit | Deck 07 ]  Attention: Lahkesis Saugn.
 
Maya's fingertips broke contact with Lahkesis' psyche to gently caress her hair.  "Yes, Lahkesis, the mutiny is over," she assured the younger woman.  "The mutiny was broken by your suggestion to use the Lexorin.  Lieutenant Morali and Petty Officer Sel managed to add an aerosol version to the ship's air management system and distribute it to all compromised crewmembers.  The mutiny broke down and the ringleaders were killed.  They will not be a danger to you anymore."

That was a neat summary of the events but the girl needed more.  She needed emotional reassurance not dry situational report.  After touching so many conflicted and unstable minds Maya didn't want to expose the girl to any residual effects that still lingered in her Vulcan psyche.  After 1200 hours Maya was planning to excuse herself from duty in order to cleanse her mind of all of the residual angst she had absorbed from all of the minds she had touched yesterday and this morning.  She hoped it would heal the unexpected damage that Phantom's assault had apparently inflicted on her psyche as well. 

Phantom.  This had to do with Phantom.  It was Lahkesis' chance encounter with the late and unlamented Phanatos Kilinvoss, the squadron commander of the USS Harbinger's Dor'GhItlh Squardon that had sent her into the dark abyss of her mind wasn't it?  Thanks to a mind meld with Maya before the mutiny, the young girl was psychically scarred as if it Commander Kilinvoss had sexually assaulted Lahkesis instead of Maya.  Small wonder she had put him out of his misery with a phaser after Maya nicked his brachial artery.  The Hippocratic Oath was foresworn mere seconds.

And what had Maya done while Lahkesis was reeling with the magnitude of what she had done?   Take control of sickbay and begin triage, separating the patients and determining the priority of patients' treatments based on the severity of their condition.  Somehow the young girl that Maya had thought of as her unofficially adopted daughter was lost in the shuffle.  Maya had remanded her young protégé into the custody of Counselor O'Connor's care, but with so many emotionally traumatized patients about, the counselor had underestimated the severity of Lahkesis' distress until the girl was catatonic. 

Had Maya taught Lahkesis to hide her emotions too well?  Or had the shock of what she had done sent Lahkesis into a dissociative state before she retreated from the pain of consciousness?   In any case it was time to reassure the girl now. 

Maya ran her long spidery fingers thought the pinkish hair like filaments that covered the girl's scalp.  "It's all right, precious one," she assured her in her musical mezzosoprano voice.  "We are safe now.   If you wish to discuss and confront the source of your distress, I am with you." 


OOC:  Translation:  Lahkesis dear, do you want to talk about it? 

Re: DAY 01: Lost in the Mind [1015 hrs.]

Reply #4 –
[ Lahkesis Saugn | Sickbay, Primary Care Unit | Deck 07 ] Attn: Doc M.

Though her mind was still hazy Lahkesis was able to piece together a little. her face showed the pain as she tried to figure out what to say and how to say it. She had only limited training in how to deal with memories that were not her own, she had the medical knowledge, what drugs to give a patient and in what dosage, but for the most part such things were up to those who understood it best, the Vulcans. "That... man... I remember things..." Lahkesis began. She swallowed and shook her head. "Things... he did... pain he caused... such fury..." She stopped and looked up into the face of her friend. "They never happened to me... they couldn't happen to me... I was not there... But I remember being there..."

In an instant her mind irrupted in turmoil and pain shot through her as she tried to focus on the memory, to figure it out. It wracked her body both physically and emotionally. She felt like her head would burst and her heart would cave under the weight of the emotion. She cried out and reached out to grip the uniform of her Vulcan friend. The pain was so great that she could not speak.

Re: DAY 01: Lost in the Mind [1015 hrs.]

Reply #5 –
[ Maya | Main Sickbay | Primary Care Unit | Deck 07 ]  Attention: Lahkesis Saugn.

Maya made comforting sounds as she brushed the Teslyliac girl's 'hair'.  "Those memories are not yours precious one," she cooed with motherly calm.  "They do not belong to you, and you shouldn't be burdened with them," she decided as she withdrew her hands and absently massaged her fingers.

A mind touch with such a young impressionable girl was ill advised, as the damage Maya had already done could attest.  But Maya could not leave Lahkesis in the state she was in.  She would have to extract and erase those unpleasant memories that weren't Saugn's and hope that the girl's neural network mimicked a fleshy brain accurately enough to avoid complications.

Hesitantly she touched her fingertips to Lahkesis' temple and murmured.  "Forget," she murmured as she concentrated on extracting the memories of Maya's experience with Phantom and the emotional intensity of his demise.  If successful, Lahkesis would only remember her own actions but not the emotional state she was in when she performed them, and not be able to remember any information she had gained from her mind touch with Maya at all. 

"Forget," she repeated.  "There is no need to remember."

 

OOC:  This is what Spock did to Kirk at the end of the original series episode "Requiem for Methuselah" so hopefully the procedure is safe.  How well it works is up to you.  Lahkesis' Teslyliac brain is more than enough excuse if you want her to remember, if you don't the 'reset' button is available!

Re: DAY 01: Lost in the Mind [1015 hrs.]

Reply #6 –
[ Lahkesis Saugn | Sickbay, Primary Care Unit | Deck 07 ] Attn: Doc M.

As she felt her friend's fingertips press against her temple there was a sudden rush and then a sensation beyond anything Lahkesis had ever felt. It seemed like something was pulled from her, like something gripping a finger and rending it it a single brutal movement. To call it painful would have been an understatement. It felt as if the entirety of her mind was consumed in white hot pain. In the agony she could do nothing, she could not move or say a thing. There was no scream as that was beyond her abilities. All there was, all there could be, was pain.

And then as quickly as it had begun the pain vanished. Or maybe it was simply her body going into some form of shock. Her mind raced to figure out what had happened. It was her guess that Maya had reached into her mind to remove a memory, and yet the memory remained. Lahkesis' Teslyliac biology had reacted to the attempt as if it had been an assault.

Though the pain of the attempt had now faded, the pain of the memory remained, though it seemed to be little more than a dull ache. She gazed at her friend, her uncertainty playing across her face. She did not know what do say, what to do, how to react.

Re: DAY 01: Lost in the Mind [1015 hrs.]

Reply #7 –
[ Maya | Main Sickbay | Primary Care Unit | Deck 07 ]  Attention: Lahkesis Saugn.

The memory extraction hadn't worked.  Of course it hadn't.  The Teslyliac cell's primary function was the absorption and duplication of information, whether that information was genetic or otherwise.  A Teslyliac duplicate of Lahkesis' youth might not be able forget information in a conventional way, let alone have her memories erased.  It was possible that her alien brain might not ever be able to forget anything until she neared the end of her life cycle.  Extracting her memory would be as dangerous for Lahkesis as suppressing a memory would be for Maya.  If the little Vulcan persisted, she could inflict neurological damage or even worse health problems.  Maya drew her hand back and blinked away the tears caused by relieving the memories she had been trying to extract. 

"I'm sorry," she bowed her head before raising it to look Lahkesis in the eye.  "It seems that your Teslyliac mind is unable to forget information once it has imprinted.  I'm sorry Lahkesis, but it seems that you're going to have to carry around my burdens for quite some time.  We must limit your telepathic contact with others or risk compromising your identity."

She reached out to touch her hand, but drew it back.  The girl had enough contact with a touch telepath already.  She didn't need the little Vulcan's palpable regret added to the demons that Maya had already saddled her with.

Re: DAY 01: Lost in the Mind [1015 hrs.]

Reply #8 –
[ Lahkesis Saugn | Sickbay, Primary Care Unit | Deck 07 ] Attn: Doc M.

"I have never forgotten anything, it's what allowed to make it though medical school as fast as I did," Lahkesis said softly. Her emotions were a jumble, but her mind was working overtime to try and figure out what had just happened. She had a near text book knowledge of her own physiology having read ever paper, every report, everything she could get her hands on about her own biology. "The bonds between my neurological cells, specifically those inside my hippocampus. While as most humanoids have flexible connections, able to soak in new information and lose it just as easily, the connections in my brain are more rigid once they have formed."

In her relatively short life span Lahkesis had only ever forgotten a few things. Dark things, things she had long since decided would never be spoken of. She had chosen to lock them away and with the help of her sisters all three of them had chosen to forget.

Lahkesis blinked and looked at Maya. "I am not like you... any of you... And yet I have these feelings," tears welled up in her eyes and poured down her cheeks. She moved forward and pressed her face into the bosom of her friend, still crying.She had never had anything close to a mother, she had never even considered needing one, yet she found she was lost without a guide now.

Re: DAY 01: Lost in the Mind [1015 hrs.]

Reply #9 –
[ Maya | Main Sickbay | Primary Care Unit | Deck 07 ]  Attention: Lahkesis Saugn.

"Your feelings are part of you, beloved one," Maya purred in reassurance.  "They determine your motivations, your reasons for being, but it is important not to let them control you." 

She stopped.  Lahkesis didn't have a mesiofrontal cortex in her Teslyliac brain that would allow her to suppress her emotions with proper training.  Given the alien and unknown nature of her cerebra nervous system it was unknown if she would benefit from training by a Terran yogi or a Bajoran Defka.  In addition, Maya didn't dare use her touch telepathy to empathize with the girl without risking her identity further.  This was a formidable obstacle.  Without an empathic connection to assist in communication, Maya had been described as 'cold,' 'distant,' and 'creepy,' traits which were antithetical to caring and nurturing a young, impressionable sentient.  As distasteful as it seemed, Maya would be forced to use the parenting method of her parents, an unpleasant situation to say the least.  There had to be a third option, and thanks to her medical training she knew what it was:  They needed to call in a specialist.

"We should make an appointment with Counselor O'Connor at the first opportunity," Maya suggested.  "Perhaps she could teach us how to cope with these unwanted memories."

Re: DAY 01: Lost in the Mind [1015 hrs.]

Reply #10 –
[ Lahkesis Saugn | Sickbay, Primary Care Unit | Deck 07 ] Attn: Doc M.

Lahkesis wasn't sure exactly what to say. Medically it was probably the best option. Her clinical mind knew that emotional trauma that could not be treated physically with medication or surgical options, would fall into the purview of the ships counselor, or the ships morale officer if there was not a suitable counselor to be found. With Counselor O'Connor on the ship it seemed like a good idea for Lahkesis to see her. It was all medically sound... and yet.

Lahkesis knew the ships situation, she knew of the amount of violence and abuse the crew had undergone over the past few weeks. It was enough to drive most to the point of emotional breakdown. The fact that there was still a degree of compassion was something to be held up as a triumph. She knew that it would be necessary for everyone to not only be self reliant, but also to support others. She could not afford to be a weak chain link, not here, not now.

Finally Lahkesis spoke. "I'm sure the counselor is quite busy," she said softly. She was like a child in that moment, not wanting to be a bother to anyone or to cause more trouble than she already had. "And there are people who require her aid much more than I do."

Re: DAY 01: Lost in the Mind [1015 hrs.]

Reply #11 –
[ Maya | Main Sickbay | Primary Care Unit | Deck 07 ]  Attention: Lahkesis Saugn.

"Yes she is," Maya agreed, "and that is why it is essential for all medical personnel to be fit for duty as quickly as possible.  There are so many that need psychological help aboard the Theurgy that it is likely that we will be needed to help her manage her workload."

Without the intimate contact of touch telepathy, Maya was forced to use parental logic to convince the girl.  Experience had shown that logic was often a poor tool when it came to emotional issues, nevertheless that was how she was raised and that was what she had to work with.  Despite a nagging suspicion that an emotional plea would be more effective, Maya used what she had been trained with as both a physician and a Vulcan.

"I believe the expression is:  All hands on deck," Maya almost-smiled.  She reached out for Lahkesis' hand but drew it back suddenly.  Maya glanced at her hand and from a certain angle the blank catlike expression on her face appeared to be a frown.

Re: DAY 01: Lost in the Mind [1015 hrs.]

Reply #12 –
[ Lahkesis Saugn | Sickbay, Primary Care Unit | Deck 07 ] Attn: Doc M.

What Lahkesis needed was not logic, the clinical parts of her mind gave her more than enough of that. And yet she knew that as a Vulcan Maya could not offer her much more. She slowly climbed off the biobed, wrapping the sheet around her body as she did so. She was still quite nude under the sheet as her uniform had been removed while she had been in a catatonic state.

Though she was uncertain about a lot of things, she also knew that the last thing she wanted was to remain here any longer. She wanted to put on her uniform once more, or at least return to her quarters and be under her own solar lamp once more. It was safe there, or at least it had been before and she hoped it would be again. Something about being in sickbay right now made her fell more uncomfortable. The bright unnatural lights, the smooth unnatural surfaces, the shear amount of sterilization there, it was all to much for her.

"You are right," she said softly. "I do need to see the counselor." She gave Maya an odd look before adding. Her gaze was distant, with quite a bit left unsaid. "Now if it's OK, I'd like to return to my own quarters."

Re: DAY 01: Lost in the Mind [1015 hrs.]

Reply #13 –
[ Maya | Main Sickbay | Primary Care Unit | Deck 07 ] 

"Yes of course," Maya nodded.  "I shall inform the nurse that you will be returning to your quarters and get someone to fetch your clothing.  When you return to your quarters, don't forget to check the humidifier and try to stay warm."  That was unnecessary advice since the life support settings in Lahkesis' quarters were kept at an optimum comfort for the Teslyliac lifeform.  But there was always the chance that the sabotage the mutineers had done had caused the environmental controls to go back to default settings.  In addition, the ritual of self-care would be good for Saugn, and give her something other than Maya's nightmarish memories to think about. 

Since joining Starfleet, Maya had discovered that the United Federation of Planets had over a hundred civilizations where affection was expressed with unnecessary instructions and warnings to maintain one's health.  It was an ideal method for one in the medical profession, particularly when touch telepathy was no longer an option.  Unfortunately, it held the risk of becoming irritating to the point of alienation.  Doctors could make the worst patients, followed only by starship captains. 

Maya left the primary care unit and spoke to the nurse on duty, adding a reminder to have someone check up on Saugn to make sure she was recovering and not neglecting herself in a fit of self-loathing.  She then made an appointment for the two of them to visit Counselor O'Conner, just in case Saugn didn't get around to it.  Despite her concerns, Maya did feel a twinge of satisfaction:  The behavior of a mother wasn't that different from the behavior of a physician, at least not on Vulcan.  If nothing else, Maya could delay the self-destructive symptoms of blaming herself for not doing more.  For now it was important to allow such counterproductive urges to become lost in the mind.

~ FIN
 
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