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Day 03 [2100 hrs.] Musings by Starlight

Friday March 13, 2381
Stardate: 57564.7
2100 hrs.

[ Tesserarius Lorad | Remote Beach | Aldea Prime | Aldea ] Attn: @Triage
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Lorad had transported down to the outskirts of Aldea Prime just before sunset local time so that he could try to enjoy something that he hadn’t had the chance to view in several months; a planet side sunset. He had always enjoyed the rare times that he had been able to view them and this one had been no different. And yet it had done nothing to settle his mood.

It was now two days since Lorad had awoken after Bila had saved his life and turned back the tide of Borg nanopobes within his body who had been a hairsbreadth away from assimilating him. Seconds longer and he would never have been able to appreciate the silence that this planet afforded him. It had cost him several internal organs, his right hand and forearm, as well as his left eye but that was a price that he could pay. What he couldn’t pay, was the scorn that came from his sister Samala; whom he had not spoken with since he had awoken.

He’d tried, many times; both in person, by message and even asking Thea to deliver a message for him but each attempt had been rebuked; the last one by himself violently so. He had been advised that all he could do was wait until she calmed down enough to speak with him again. Given what he knew of his sister’s temperament and a Reman’s lifespan, he could be waiting over a century. But he would wait. What he wouldn’t do, was follow.

If Samala decided to leave the Theurgy on the Apache as he suspected her desire was, then she would be leaving alone. Lorad had chosen to through his lot in with the so-called renegades from the Federation. In the time that he had known them, they had not acted once in a way described by the news broadcasts that he had seen before they had been rescued. And, for reasons that he himself could not fully explain, he felt a sort of kinship with them in their desire to be free and return home. And besides, he felt that if he succeeded and showed the Federation that not all Remans were like Shinzon and his followers, perhaps there might be a home for his kind within their borders.

All of these thoughts and more had been brewing within Lorad’s head as he had walked away from the city along the beach after the sun had set. He had eventually realised that he needed to return to the ship after several hours and had turned back, retracing his steps as the ocean breeze billowed the cloak he had used to conceal his features around him. He feared not the night, the stars providing enough light for him to see quite clearly as he walked along the sand, even without the use of his new eye.

As the city drew closer and the light from all the buildings bled into the surrounding sky, Lorad slowed his pace, hoping to enjoy the solitude and peacefulness that he had been feeling. Looking up at the stars, wondering which of them Remus might be orbiting, he never saw the objects on the sand until he stepped on them. Feeling the sudden change in textures and terrain beneath his boots, Lorad stepped back and looked down at a towel and several articles of clothing all bunched up together on the sand. Not sure why clothes would be out this far without wearer, he began looking around for their potential owner when he heard the sound of splashing coming from the water.

Taking several steps backwards, Lorad blended back into the night to see who the owner of the clothes might be.

Re: SD: 57564.7: Musings by Starlight

Reply #1 –
[ Ens. Cameron Henshaw | Remote Beach | Aldea Prime | Aldea ] Attn: @Stegro88
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Only the second day into their stay here around Aldea, and Cameron already wanted to be here forever. It wasn't quite Risa, but this would do in a pinch. She'd just wandered. She did that for a whole day yesterday, and it was...it felt nice. She all but shut down and moved on autopilot, not a care for where she walked, she only stopped when her legs threatened to give out. Today, she returned, doing more of the same. But she eventually came to when she found herself on a beach, alone, and the next thing she knew, she was stripping off her outer clothing, keeping on only her underwear, and waded into the comforting waters. She wasn't particularly shy about showing more skin, but she wasn't sure about the Aldean sense of modesty, and figured it was better to play it safe.

She lost track of how long she'd been in the waters, but she had completely missed the sunset. There was always tomorrow she supposed...if she was around for tomorrow.

She'd come up for air, but after a moment's thought, she slowly slid into the waters, face-first, and she just let herself go. It was so easy. It was dark, it was quiet, and she could just slip away now, just stop trying to breathe, it was almost like falling asleep. She was being selfish, but she felt so much like indulging herself. They wouldn't notice until it was far too late. There was no way anyone could track her. In just a few more minutes, her body would struggle for oxygen, and if she willfully shut herself off from it, deny herself that, would it hurt? Would it be an automatic struggle? Who would miss her the most? Why was she still thinking about this? Just let go. Just let go, let it be over for her. Jien would manage without her. He was strong enough. She wasn't.

Just like she wasn't strong enough or had any real conviction for even going through with this stupid plan.

Her feet touched the ocean floor, and she straightened up, her head and chest well out of the water, but she still held her breath a little longer, waiting for the burning sensation in her chest. Oddly she felt none, but she still exhaled and started drawing breath again. Maybe tomorrow...maybe not at all. She looked around for the shoreline and found it quite quickly. Lots of stars out, she reluctantly walked back to her clothes, it was a simple Aldean style dress, leggings and footwear. She didn't much care for it, but the beaty of having a nearly eidetic memory like hers was she could tell when something was off, like the fact that someone clearly stepped on her dress...recently too. The lack of change in the sand of the following foreign footprints told her it was not too long ago, and she followed the trail in the sand with her eyes, as it led away from her dress.

Someone skittish, cautious, was her guess.

She folded her arms across her chest and took a few steps, following the trail, and said in a calm voice, “Come on out. I know you're there.”

Re: SD: 57564.7: Musings by Starlight

Reply #2 –
[ Tesserarius Lorad | Remote Beach | Aldea Prime | Aldea ] Attn: @Triage
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Lorad had remained still, as he had waited and watched the water for the owner. He had only received very basic instruction on how to remain afloat in water; the lack of open water on Remus along with the uncaring nature of his Romulan masters at the time had combined to his detriment. Now, he stood far back from the waves, shrouded in shadow, biding his time in silent contemplation.

Further splashing from the water drew his attention and Lorad searched the waves for the source of it. He was just in time to see a Human female breach the surface of the waves; water droplets being flung about by her re-entry to the air above. He was no expert on the appearance of Human females and what it meant for them to be attractive but if someone had asked him to define beauty in that instant, all he would have been able to do was point at the female wading out of the waves, water running down her body.

Involuntarily, he took a step further back as she approached what he now knew to be her clothes, being careful to be as soundless as a vacuum. She seemed to pause, her head down as she looked around and Lorad realised that she could see the tracks he had left in the sand from his heavy boots. He had been detected. There was still time for him to escape, for his presence to be nothing more than footprints in the sand but something inside him told him that that was wrong. He was no thief in the night with dishonourable intentions. He had merely been out walking and discovered her garments on the beach.

“Come on out. I know you’re there,” came her firm yet calm voice across the wind and Lorad looked up to see her standing there, arms folded across her chest as she stared in his general direction. She knew roughly where he was, or at least, where his tracks had led but hadn’t yet chosen to follow them. A part of him again told him that he could escape unnoticed if he chose too but he ignored it once more. He would not hide.

“I not mean scare,” Lorad said slowly, his deep voice very different from hers as he stepped forward slowly into the starlight once more. “I not know anyone out here.” He hoped his tone carried his meaning better than his words did but his confidence wasn’t high due to his unfamiliarity with the language.

“I Lorad.”

Re: Day 03 [2100 hrs.] Musings by Starlight

Reply #3 –
[ Ens. Cameron Henshaw | Remote Beach | Aldea Prime | Aldea ] Attn: @Stegro88
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When he spoke before even emerging, Cameron felt a moment of involuntary fear. Yes, the Aldeans weren't likely to cause any kind of unwanted trouble, but there weren't just Aldeans here anymore. There were Klingons, Nausicaans, Orions, all sorts of other folks, some of which may not think twice about taking advantage of a almost-naked girl alone on the beach at night. Yes, she was just contemplating suicide, but she wanted to go on her own terms, not as someone's plaything to do with until they were satisfied or she was utterly broken.

Still, his broken language was meant to reassure, she was certain.

And when he emerged from the grass, she found her head craning higher and higher to look up at him as he drew closer. He was huge, for one, and for another, that eye...a liberated Borg drone? And that was not all...the way his voice sounded, and that naturally fearsome glower. Reman? There were two Remans that they'd brought along with them, wasn't there, and their names were...yes, indeed. He just confirmed it when he introduced himself.

“Hullo Lorad,” said Cameron, having not moved or changed her posture aside from shifting her head to be able to look him in the eyes, “I am Cameron Henshaw. While here on Aldea, I go by Hermione Granger.”

Since she was quite confident that there were no listening devices, she felt safe enough to reveal her real name to Lorad, plus he was from the Theurgy, so what was the harm? She found his broken Basic intriguing, but it might make for a communications debacle later if she misunderstands something so she gracefully bent down and plucked out the universal translator from amongst her clothes, whilst gathering said clothes in a bundle in her arms.

She activated the translator and said, “Will this help articulate more easily for you?”

As she said this, she began to wrap the lower robe of her clothing around her waist like a haphazard sarong.

Re: Day 03 [2100 hrs.] Musings by Starlight

Reply #4 –
[ Tesserarius Lorad | Remote Beach | Aldea Prime | Aldea ] Attn: @Triage
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Lorad was confused by the Human. He had observed that people that saw him for the first time, even more so after his almost-assimilation, tended to display open shock at his appearance. Remans were not among the most appealing species in regards to their visage he knew; often causing those around them to step back involuntarily if startled. But this one, this Cameron Henshaw, she did not seem to fear him. She stood still, only craning her head up to maintain eye contact.

“It will,” Lorad said in Reman after Cameron activated the translator. Making a decision, Lorad sat down slowly. One, so as not to scare his companion and two, so that she didn’t have to stare up at him. “They gave me an identity for here but I believe it would not matter. While they may not know my name, Remans, as a species, are not commonly seen, even here among the Klingons. So I would be remembered for that alone. Hence my wanderings out here, where it is dark and deserted.”

“And you? What brings you out here?” Lorad wondered idly, watching the Human female. There was something about her, he wasn’t sure what it was, but out here, under the stars, he found her presence calming in a way he had not felt before. “When I walked this way earlier, there was no one. So, you came after me, perhaps to watch the sunset in peace. And though I cannot swim myself, I understand that it is no safe to do, alone in the dark.”

“I have seen you on the ship,” Lorad said, pointedly not using its name. “You have a position of importance beyond your rank and yet you take a risk here and now. This confuses me. Why would you do that?”

Re: Day 03 [2100 hrs.] Musings by Starlight

Reply #5 –
[ Ens. Cameron Henshaw | Remote Beach | Aldea Prime | Aldea ] Attn: @Stegro88
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Cameron watched him for a while after she'd spoken. She was intrigued by his decision to sit down so that she wouldn't have to keep craning her neck up. That was nice of him, and she appreciated that privately. Outwardly, she only nodded when he offered a explanation as to why he was skulking around in the dark rather than exploring the cities in the day time. Even now, when they were closest to a vacation after all the terrors and losses, some of them couldn't yet come out of hiding. The pale night lights of the sky danced over Cameron's skin as she hadn't dried herself off yet.

She was intrigued once more, to learn that he didn't know how to swim. Something she could correct if he was so interested.

But as to his question...

She studied the borg-formed eye thoughtfully. The report about Six losing control and succumbing to the call of the Queen was already known, and yet, Cameron felt no fear, despite how close she herself came to being infected when the drones beamed aboard the bridge. Her friend Vanya had torn one to bits. But Lorad had a strange sense of kindness to him despite that fearsome appearance and the Borg implant. And she felt no need to lie to him. Plus, if he was telepathic, he could likely sense a lie. Not that it mattered either way.

“Because I wanted to die,” said Cameron flatly, “I walked into the waters, intending to drown myself.”

She turned and sat down next to him, looking over the waters wistfully, then a weak smile appeared on her lips, “Obviously, that didn't work out the way I thought it would. I...couldn't go through with it. Even though it would take away all the pain, all the...well, everything. I am still drawn to the desire to keep going, to keep living.”

She pulled up her knees against her chest and wrapped her arms around them, then buried her face in her knees, growling softly, “I must be a glutton for punishment.”

Re: Day 03 [2100 hrs.] Musings by Starlight

Reply #6 –
[ Tesserarius Lorad | Remote Beach | Aldea Prime | Aldea ] Attn: @Triage
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Lorad wondered what the woman was thinking as she gazed at him. He could tell that she was examining his eye, perhaps wondering if it truly was the Borg implant it resembled rather than the Federation replacement that he had been given. Was she wondering if he was telepathic as members of his species were known to be? Would she believe him if he said he wasn’t? All this and more passed through the Reman’s mind as he found himself admiring the Human’s skin and how the light from the city nearby and the stars above played over its still slick surface. And then she began to speak, and her words surprised the hulking soldier.

“She tried to kill herself but couldn’t go through with it?” Lorad summarised mentally, his gaze unflinching. Perhaps it was unsettling to the Human but Lorad couldn’t help himself; her words had captured his full attention and he wanted to understand why she had tried to commit suicide but then decided against it. And beyond being a ‘glutton for punishment’ as she had put it.

“Hermione,” Lorad began, struggling to pronounce the cover name that she had given him. “I understand wanting to die.” He was tempted to explain why but chose against that course; this was about her future, not comparing their pasts. “But I think that if you had truly wanted to die, we would not be here now. There are far easier and less painful ways to die than drowning yourself. And I think you know this,” Lorad spoke, offering his opinion and hoping that his Reman words translated correctly.

“I don’t think you are a glutton for punishment,” he continued slowly, keeping his voice even. “I think that, perhaps, you have experienced so much in a short time, almost all of it bad, that you cannot process it. That you have forgotten how to be happy and live. I have experience with this,” Lorad said. “And I can tell you, truthfully, that it will either get better and you will fight your hardest to continue living or someone else will take it all away from you and you won’t have to worry about trying to kill yourself. Either way, you owe it to yourself to try and reach past today and find the joy of what tomorrow can offer you.”


Re: Day 03 [2100 hrs.] Musings by Starlight

Reply #7 –
[ Ens. Cameron Henshaw | Remote Beach | Aldea Prime | Aldea ] Attn: @Stegro88
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Cameron listened the Lorad as he tried to offer comfort and encouragement in his own way. But he wasn't wrong. It struck her keenly when she realized how close to home he was to addressing her reasons for her failed attempt at suicide tonight. Now why or how would he come so close to the mark? She did not assume anything, but she believed that perhaps, he had gone through something almost similar to what she had; it was a distinct possibility.

She huffed in mild amusement and let her arms slip down, resting her fists on her hips as she looked up at him when he was finished speaking, and she said, “Usually I'm the one telling people this; so this is what it feels like to be on the receiving end...”

She shook her head and sighed, “I hear what you're saying, I even see the sense of it. Part of me just wishes to be obstinate and stubborn, and wallow, but I suppose there's just no point to it. Like you said, someone will take care of putting me out of my misery given a chance, I won't have to do it. Though if I did, at least it'll be on my terms.”

She looked out over the calm waters. There were no living creatures in there, so the Aldeans said, but deep sea scans... “For the record, drowning?” said Cameron and she looked at Lorad, “not necessarily the worst way for one to go. You just force yourself to stop...” why was she still dwelling on this? She shook her head and studied the moon, “...it's beautiful. Too bad you're not too comfortable with daylight, Aldea has a lot to offer us all.”

She gave it a distracted look, then turned to examine her belongings still on the ground idly, “Can I ask you what happened?” she fixed the Reman with a keen gaze, “those things you said struck me close to home, and I just get the feeling we share similar experiences.”

Re: Day 03 [2100 hrs.] Musings by Starlight

Reply #8 –
[ Tesserarius Lorad | Remote Beach | Aldea Prime | Aldea ] Attn: @Triage
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“It is always on your own terms,” Lorad pointed out simply. “You always have the choice of fighting against what is coming, or merely accepting it. Sometimes, being able to accept what is coming is the fight itself. Knowing that no matter what you can do or have done up until that point will not change the outcome can be a difficult thing to accept for many.”

Listening to her explain that drowning wasn’t such a bad way to go, Lorad was almost inclined to disagree with her, but chose not to argue a point about how to kill yourself. He would certainly not choose drowning as his choice to end his life but he thought that might be because he couldn’t actually swim and drowning was a legitimate concern if he entered water deeper than he was tall.

“Aldea does have a lot to offer,” Lorad agreed with Cameron, looking at her and how she almost seemed to glow in the moonlight. “And you are right, it is beautiful,” he agreed, not sure himself if he was referring to the night or his companion. Before Sera, he had had pretty specific views on companionship, but now, after the last week or so, he was considering a much broader outlook. “If you could see the world as I see it, you could see the splendour that the night holds. The peace of a world asleep, but also awake and alive at the same time. Though I suppose that would also hold true for the day as well.”

“I’m sure you know at least a little of Reman culture and history,” Lorad said, shuffling a little to get a little more comfortable. “How we are the slaves of the Romulan Empire. Their labourers and shock troopers. To die at their whim. That is what I was born into. A life that, while my own, could be taken from me if a being thought that I might not be working hard enough, walking fast enough or even speaking at all.”

“I entered the mines when I was 6 years old, and stayed there until I was 18 when I was successful at being chosen for shock trooper training. Despite the imminent death that awaited me on the battlefield, this was an improvement over the mines,” Lorad explained without going into detail. “As the Dominion war progressed and I survived, I was promoted, bringing better conditions for myself and allowing me to better the life of my units as much as I was able. I saw it as, if I lead them to the best of my ability and succeeded in my missions while keeping as many of them alive as I could, then I was doing what I could to better their lives as well.”

“After the war, my father took me away from the Romulan camp and we joined the Reman underground, working towards freeing all Remans from Romulan oppression,” Lorad continued, becoming introspective, turning to look across the water. “It was mostly the same life though; training and fighting. But now it served a purpose than empowering our Romulan masters. Now it was for our own freedom. And it stayed that way until the day the Romulans came to Bacury III and destroyed everything. All that was left was my sister, myself and the Apache.”

“Once again, I found myself contemplating ending my own life, much as I had as when I was in the mines under the lash. But that would have left my sister alone and I could not do that to her. I had promised our father that I would protect her. I couldn’t fail his last request,” Lorad said. “But it seems that my sister does not want my protection and I am at a loss as to what to do with my life now. Perhaps I should take your advice and let go; let the water take me?”

Re: Day 03 [2100 hrs.] Musings by Starlight

Reply #9 –
[ Ens. Cameron Henshaw | Remote Beach | Aldea Prime | Aldea ] Attn: @Stegro88
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It was intriguing how quickly the tide had turned, so to speak. One moment, he was the one encouraging her to keep on living, to find a purpose worth living for, and the next, he was the one ready to take a plunge she only just a moment ago talked herself out of mentally. It was both exciting (in a bad way) and exhilarating (in a worse way). Her brow creased in visible concern over his query. He put his life in her hands. She found her gaze drawn once more to his borg implant eye. It added to the fearsome appearance he already possessed. But she sensed more than knew that like her, he was a person making his way in a harsh unforgiving and often cruel universe.

As best as either of them could.

“As you told me,” said Cameron, “our time would come, quite on its own. No need to help it along when we can still find a new purpose and direction.”

She crossed her arms over her chest again and turned to look out over the waters, “Protecting your sister was one purpose. You can find another, somehow, sometime. Besides,” she looked over her shoulder at him, “nobody said your sister has to know you're watching over her. Family...family is important, even if they don't feel the same way. It's all we really have.”

Or had, in her case. She was literally all that was left of her biological family and that of her adopted family. She had the unwanted privilege of watching them all die. She was more than likely cursed, if she were given to superstitions. This loss possibly influenced her choices and decisions now. Lorad had a sister, and she'd hate to see them estranged, but it was better than either one of them watching the other die. “Given the situation and the life we lead...I hope your sister finds it within her to open up to you and let you be there for her. If not...well, you've got me.”

She offered a tiny smile.
 

Re: Day 03 [2100 hrs.] Musings by Starlight

Reply #10 –
[ Tesserarius Lorad | Remote Beach | Aldea Prime | Aldea ] Attn: @Triage
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Cameron’s words were soothing in a way that Lorad found hard to describe. It was like they bypassed all his defences and buried themselves so deep in his thoughts that he could do naught but accept them. He didn’t believe that she was telepathic, he had had enough experience with them to believe he could tell them one was inside his head. No, this was more pure. Like the words themselves were the strength.

“She is right,” Lorad realised. “Even though I have decided to remain aboard the Theurgy if I can, I am still looking out for my sister. I cannot do that if Samala chooses to leave the ship. She will be on her own. I believe that my father wanted us to remain together, where we are stronger, but I cannot follow her around for the rest of my life. That is not living, and I know my father would not want that.”

“I hope so too,” Lorad agreed, looking at the Human before him. She was unlike anyone he had met before and he found himself wanting to get to know her better. “And I thank you for your words,” the Reman said in gratitude. He was silent for a moment, wondering what he should say next when an idea came to him. Hoping that it wasn’t too much to ask, Lorad continued.

“Would you teach me to swim?"

~FIN~

 
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