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DAY 05: The Crossroads [1430 hrs.]

DAY 05: The Crossroads [1430 hrs.]

[ Lieutenant Lin Kae | Security Center | Brig | USS Theurgy ] Attn: Thea & Trent

Lin Kae's mind was still reeling from his conversation with Thea yesterday as he sat in his cell, awaiting the ship's ACI's arrival with news..good or bad.

Kae took a deep breath as he opened up his right hand to look at the rank insignia in the palm of that hand and felt his hand start to shake as he realized that just how badly he had broken one of the basic tenets of being an officer in the Federation's Starfleet:

Trust.

Captain Ives and his fellow officers had trusted him to perform a vital duty which was something he'd learned from years of lonely study as his childhood was treated more like a medical experiment rather then a child and while yes, he did have a health problem that created the situation there but did not give those that called themselves his "parental units" to deny him such basic things.

Things like friends and basic human (to use the term loosely) contact which would've allowed him to build the much needed tethers for his psyche then and could've prevented such a situation from happening..but that was neither here nor there.

Kae closed his fist around his lieutenant pips yet again and clenched it with such anger, frustration, confusion, and loss that even though they were round-he could still feel the rounded smoothness "bite" into his flesh and his closed his eyes, trying to imagine what could happen next..would he be allowed to continue as a member of the ship's crew or would he be simply dropped off at Black Opal..like so much garbage that he felt he was now??

Re: DAY 05: The Crossroads [1430 hrs.]

Reply #1 –
[ Commander Carrigan Trent | Security Center | Brig | USS Theurgy ] Attn: Thea & Lin

There were plenty of duties for a ship's Executive Officers.  And sometimes, there was a time when he would actually have to take one of the Captain's actual responsibilities and deal with the matter.  And this was one such.  Lieutenant Lin Kae, holographic specialist and all around computer genius, had done wrong by a great many number of Theurgy's crew.  And the fact that Captain Ives had been the one to deal with him originally meant that the judgement and sentencing would need to be passed down to the next officer in line.  And it just so happened that said officer had been one of those stranded on Black Opal when the Romulans boarded.  In fact, he had been the senior officer aboard and had just negotiated the surrender of the depot. 

And that officer would take no joy in discharging that duty.  Trent and Ives were mostly on the same page when they dealt with shipboard matters.  And even when they were not, there was that level of trust between the two of them that meant he would follow Ives, and in return the Chameloid trusted him with his best judgement. 

And it was so that Ives made his way towards the Brig.  He had asked Thea to join him there at some point, but that was largely based on her availability from other tasks.  Being an AI who could project herself across the ship was convenient, but there were tasks which would need a good deal of her 'conscious' processing power, as opposed to the 'subconscious' or 'autonomic' functions that were involved in running the ship. 

Security was still tight this close after the mutiny, and Trent did not mind having to go through each checkpoint.  At least, as the XO he did not require an escort.  But before long he stood in front of the cell where the young Bajoran was held, and he considered the man in there.  Turning to the Brig duty officer, the Commander spoke flatly.  "I will be in Interrogation One.  Have Lieutenant Lin brought there, though I do not think there will be a need for restraints at this time."

And with this said, Trent made his way for the interrogation room and sat down.  After all, a little privacy for that conversation might be a courtesy still, but Lin Kae was still an officer, and entitled to at least a modicum of such.

Re: DAY 05: The Crossroads [1430 hrs.]

Reply #2 –
[ Lieutenant Lin Kae | Security Center | Brig | USS Theurgy ] Attn: Thea & Trent

Warrant Officer Devon Striker looked up at the commander as he entered the brig area and asked for the young lieutenant. "Aye Sir." was the only thing that he could really say as he got up before the Theurgy's new executive officer left for Interrogation One.

The human officer walked over and deactivated the force field that separated the the young lieutenant from his freedom. "Sir, if you would come with me?" he asked respectfully.

Kae looked over at the other man and sighed as he calmly stood up and made his way out of his cell but did not return his lieutenant pip to his collar. "Alright..lead on, Mister Striker." was the only thing that the young half-breed could think to say.

As the two men walked the short route to Interrogation One, Devon looked over at the officer and wondered why he was in so much heat, apparently it had something to do with blowing up at the captain on the bridge or something but Devon didn't really have time for shipboard gossip, he was more concerned with keeping Chief Winn from being pissed off.

Devon opened the door to the room and motioned for Kae to go in first and then followed once the younger man was in the room at which point he closed the door and moved to stand next to the door.

Kae looked at the person who was in the room other then the two of them and felt his breath catch in his throat as it was Commander Trent...one of the people that he had practically stranded during his little.."fit" on the bridge at which point he suddenly surged into a stiff backed position, fully expecting the newly minted commander to punch him.

"Lieutenant Lin Kae reporting as ordered, sir." he said in a slightly shaken tone as he tried to keep from panicking.

Re: DAY 05: The Crossroads [1430 hrs.]

Reply #3 –
[ Commander Carrigan Trent | Security Center | Brig | USS Theurgy ] Attn: Thea & Lin

Trent remained completely impassive as the young cybernetics expert was brought in.  If anything, he had every reason to be furious at him for stranding fifty members of Theurgy's crew on Black Opal, cut off from reinforcements while the Romulans were not bound by such problems.  If anything, it had been a combination of the space superiority achieved between the dreadnought, her fighters and the firepower display he had delivered that had kept the boarding party alive. 

And something he had not failed to notice was the missing pip on his collar.  Well, that certainly was and indication that the young man was definitely looking at himself with regards to his actions.  And at least, that was somewhere he could work with this.

"Lieutenant Lin," started Trent, his voice flat and emotionless.  "The Captain charged me to deal with you and your actions during the boarding of Black Opal.  Your decision to interfere with the ship's systems stranded fifty members of this ship's company on the depot, and not only did you risk the lives of your shipmates, you risked the lives of Starfleet personnel whose only crime was to have been misinformed by leadership they had no reason to distrust and gave us honourable surrender."

The Executive Officer met his subordinate's eyes, and his own gaze hardened to something cold and implacable.  "There are people here who would love nothing than see you take a long walk out the nearest airlock. There are others who would be more than happy knowing you'll be keeping Ms. Acreth company for the foreseeable future.  And now, you'll have a chance to speak for yourself."

Looking to the Brig Officer, Trent gave him a nod.  Warrant Officer Striker, you will be acting as witness to these proceedings.  Mister Lin, this is a summary hearing, not a court martial.  At the end of this conversation, your future will be decided.  Do you have any questions before we begin?"

Re: DAY 05: The Crossroads [1430 hrs.]

Reply #4 –
[ Lieutenant Lin Kae | Security Center | Brig | USS Theurgy ] Attn: Thea & Trent

Devon simply nodded and moved to a more comfortable position so that he could interject himself between his prisoner and the ship's new executive officer if needed and simply stayed quiet.

Kae couldn't keep his hands from twitching nervously and he had to clench them slightly to keep the twitching down as the best that he could as the executive officer calmly and flatly listed everything that was on the current level.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to try and clear his head before he even tried to speak but when he opened his eyes and went to say something, he was still as nervous as the very comment about "tossing him out the airlock" wasn't the most helpful of concepts currently going through his mind right now.

"You'll forgive me, commander, but I honestly don't know what I can or can't ask in this situation." Kae finally admitted as he looked at the older officer's face. "I know that I snapped at the absolute wrong time..but even this data is new to me.."

Kae tried to swallow against a dry throat as he tried to figure out what kind of questions he was or wasn't allowed to ask..but he couldn't come up with any as he felt the fear start to rise in his mind again.

Re: DAY 05: The Crossroads [1430 hrs.]

Reply #5 –
[ Commander Carrigan Trent | Security Center | Brig | USS Theurgy ] Attn: Thea & Lin

Trent's face was an impassive mask as he listened to what the Bajoran had to say.  If he understood correctly, he had no idea that his decision to interfere with the ship's systems had jeopardized so many lives?  Granted, he claimed had 'snapped' and all accounts made it clear the man had suffered from some kind of emotional breakdown and as such his higher functions would have been impaired to some degree.  But that was no reason for such a thing.  Starfleet personnel was trained to deal with this sort of stress, and the last few months ought to have been a rare sort of accelerated maturing for much of the crew.  Though it appeared it had not done so well with Lin Kae.

"Right now, Lieutenant, the only questions you may ask are with the actual nature of these proceedings, or for clarifications as to the effects of your actions on the personnel on Black Opal, as well as exactly how you endangered this ship and everyone on board, as well as risking Starfleet's most advanced starship and her technology falling into Romulan hands."  His near-whisper was hard and cold, like steel rasping against a whetstone.  But there was no sign of anger, no hint of fury.  This was a judgement being passed, nothing else. 

"This is your last chance, Mister Lin, to give me your version of events before I determine your sentence.  I suggest you take it."

Re: DAY 05: The Crossroads [1430 hrs.]

Reply #6 –
[ Lieutenant Lin Kae | Security Center | Brig | USS Theurgy ] Attn: Thea & Trent

Kae tried to take a calming breath only for it to fail on him as he looked at the obviously pissed off senior officer in front of him. "Truth be told Commander, I..I haven't really been able to deal with everything that's been going on these last few months. I've seen more than half of my department change suddenly and violently around me..watched people that I have cared about deeply die in exceptionally violent ways that even my mother's precious Prophet's would find innovative and then the only person that I could call family in Skye was murdered.." Kae started to say.

But he had to stop as he closed his eyes tightly as he clenched his right hand around the pip that was there in his right hand, feeling it's smooth rounded non-edges cut deeply into his hand. "The last thing I remember was the report of Skye's death and how it hit me like a klingon being shot out of a torpedo tube into my stomach and then things just kind of..blurred for me and the next thing I know, I'm setting in the brig and people telling me what I've done..but the data isn't whole."

Kae opened his eyes and looked at the pissed off man in front of him, one that was quite possibly suggest that he be the one to kick out of the airlock. "I thought that I could handle what I was dealing with by simply throwing myself into my work and after what I've heard people call the Vassar Stupidity, I simply did what I could to get as many systems back up and running...tried to do my duty but I just kept having this feeling like my guts where being twisted deeply within like I told Thea yesterday when she came to ask me why I did that..I just couldn't handle it and I didn't seek the help like I should've and I'm going to pay the price for my own stupidity in that aspect."

Kae reached up and removed the rest of his pips from his collar before setting them down on the table in front of Trent. The palm of his right hand slightly raw from his constant squeezing of the pip that he didn't feel that he should be allowed to wear anymore. "Those should go to someone who deserves them, Commander. I failed my crew with my stupidity and put a lot of us in danger because of it." he said, fully expecting Trent to shoot him instead of booting him out of an airlock instead.

Re: DAY 05: The Crossroads [1430 hrs.]

Reply #7 –
[ Commander Carrigan Trent | Security Center | Brig | USS Theurgy ] Attn: Thea & Lin

When the holographic specialist started to explain himself, Trent showed not a sign of emotion.  But in truth, he could understand where he was coming from.  How old was that kid to begin with?  Not that there was a minimum age for dealing with this sort of nightmare in the first place.  And truth be told, he did understand where he was coming from. 

He had cracked under the pressure.

And very much like the Executive Officer across from him, he had not dealt with the stress the best way.  He had sank into self-pity, doubt and substance abuse in the wake of the destruction of his first starship command.  He had given back his third pip and had accepted he would probably never hold a real command position or find himself on a bridge again.  And it had taken a swift kick in the arse by a renegade captain to push him out of his rut.  It had taken a mutiny for him to find his nerve again and step up to the plate and act like a man of his rank.  And it had taken a face-off against Calamity to wake up the last of his combat instincts and make him more than the ghost of the man he had been.  He was not sure he was back all the way, but at least it was enough.  For now. 

At this point, he now had to make a decision, render verdict and sentence.  Of course, there needed to be consequences, but he could not bring himself to bring down the full weight of judgement and punishment.  For a moment, Trent remained quiet and the only concession he made to show he was actually giving thought to the matter was to bring his hand to his chin and rubbing at this stubble. 

And then, he spoke.  "Mister Lin, you are guilty of being a man of flesh and blood.  You are guilty of being as fallible as the next of us.  You are guilty of poor judgement, leading to rash, inconsiderate but deliberate action disrupting the ship's systems and endangering our crew and other Starfleet personnel."  He then took a deep breath.  "You are right, there are people more deserving of those Lieutenant's pips.  At least for now."

"And I am ready to render verdict and sentence."  He had set the room's recording equipment on when he had arrived ahead of the Security man and the prisoner.  And now it would become part of the official record. 

"Lin Kae, you are hereby demoted to the rank of Provisional Ensign.  Furthermore, all of your access to recreational facilities is rescinded save for a mandatory hour every day in the gym and a half hour three times a day for meals in the messhall and your replicator rations are frozen.  In addition to your regular duties, you will spend four hours per day working for Warrant Officer McMillan with her cybernetics and holographics project; you will report to Lieutenant Commander Dewitt a minimum of twice per day, and to Counselor O'Connor a minimum of every other day for therapy.  At all other times, you will be restricted to your quarters.  Despite your demotion, you will not move to rank-appropriate accommodations, if only to ensure your safety and the morale of the individual you would otherwise be sharing with.  If you must deviate from the schedule that will be set for you, you will advise Commander Dewitt and provide a reason behind it.  As of right now, Thea will be monitoring your every move and if you fail to report for any of your timings on time, if you do not perform your duties adequately, if you fail to apply yourself to your fitness routines or your therapy, I will know."

"These terms are more generous than you would have gotten if we weren't in this situation, Mister Lin.  I certainly hope you can appreciate this.  Simply put, we can't afford to have you locked up consuming resources when we need every last member of this crew.  But if you think this is me being soft or going easy on you, let me disabuse you of that delusion right now.  And if you ever do anything like this again, there will be no further considerations, no more chances: I will space you myself."  That warning, to anyone who knew what had happened to the XO, ought to elicit more of a reaction than his flat, cold, unyielding near-whisper normally would.

For he had been ejected into the void of space before; he knew what it felt like.  And that was not something he would wish on anyone and he just warned that it would be the consequence of any future treachery.

"Now, you can submit to my verdict and sentence, before witness and on the record.  Or you can exercise your right to appeal it to the Captain.  But I would most certainly advise against that."

Re: DAY 05: The Crossroads [1430 hrs.]

Reply #8 –
[ Lieutenant Lin Kae | Security Center | Brig | USS Theurgy ] Attn: Thea & Trent

Kae nodded slowly, "To be honest sir, I fully expected you to order me spaced for what I did." he said in a very shaky tone but he shook his head for a second. "But I shouldn't think that way, Thea might create eight copies of herself just to kick my ass."

Kae took a deep breath and then straightened up to the best of his ability as he reached up and removed the other pip from his collar and set it onto the table in front of him. "I will submit a request for the provisional pip to represent the change in my rank, sir." Kae said in the same shaky tone as he tried to hold himself straight and tall. "I'm accepting this punishment and hope that I can still be of some use to this ship."

Kae then took a step back and tried to move to stand at attention, but his nerves where still shot from the last few days that he fought to keep his hands from shaking as he tried to clench his hands into fists, but they were shaking too much to do that. "I'm sorry that I let everyone down, sir."

Re: DAY 05: The Crossroads [1430 hrs.]

Reply #9 –
[ Commander Carrigan Trent | Security Center | Brig | USS Theurgy ] Attn: Thea & Lin

Once Lin had formally accepted the sentence that had been passed against him, Trent finally spoke. "No, Ensign, you will not," said he.  Quickly, he tapped a few keystroke into the PADD that was before him and handed it towards Warrant Officer Striker.  "Mister Striker, Mister Lin is now released from the Brig.  Please go the the Quartermaster and draw the requisite rank insignia for him.  In the meantime, we will be having a bit of a chat."

Once he had given those instructions, the Executive Officer found himself more than ready to switch from his duty as the Captain's seniormost enforcer of discipline and regulations and into one he found much more enjoyable: that of counseling his subordinates.

"Have a seat," said he then, his tone somewhat less icy that it had just been.  "You're right, you've left this crew down and you'll have a long way to go to earn all of our trust again.  That is one of the reasons for the tight leash in your immediate future."  Indeed, there needed to be punishment for what he had done.  And a way to do it was to strongly regiment his hours and deny him enough of the more pleasant aspects of ship life as possible, while still allowing him some social interaction and recreation time.  Granted, only a half hour per meal and a mandatory hour in the gym were not much, but it was something.  And there was also the fact that there were indeed members of this crew who'd like nothing more than to beat him into a pulp, and that would be if he was in luck and came across some of the more moderate ones who wanted to extract payback from his hide.  So yes, he had to be kept out of sight for a while, let tempers simmer down and give everyone a chance to put this at least partially behind them. 

"Son, you fucked up."  Trent's near-whisper was actually sympathetic.  This was probably a side of him the holographic specialist had never even expected to see.  "And not just because you lost your shit and did your best to get better than fifty members of this crew to die.  Because you allowed stress to build up so much that you completely lost it.  Look, you're a young man, I get it, I used to be one.  You're proud, you don't really want to open up.  But let me let you in on a little secret: everyone is under a lot of stress.  We all need to deal with it, and if need be, we need to swallow our pride and talk to someone, get some help.  Tell me, why did you let it fester like this?"

Re: DAY 05: The Crossroads [1430 hrs.]

Reply #10 –
[ Lieutenant Lin Kae | Security Center | Brig | USS Theurgy ] Attn: Thea & Trent

Kae had shakingly sat down when Trent told him to and when he switched from being the captain's enforcer to something more..personable, Kae allowed himself to run a hand over his face and he allowed himself to show how much all of what happened to weigh on his young face.

"To be honest sir, a good chunk of it I can blame on my parents and one of them having this bright idea to keep me safely contained for the first few years of my life which practically cut me off from forming those connections with people you all have had growing up." Kae said with an extremely bitter tone in his voice. "When I was allowed to be out in the world, I didn't have the data mentally to handle the situations properly and I was..what did my former teacher call me once..AH! A wallflower is the word that was used."

Kae then blinked at the older man as he shook his head slowly, "And before you think and or say anything about how I can't just solely blame my parents, I'm not but the base of the problem started there if you look at it from the point of view that I've established in my life, Commander." Kae said, trying to reign in the bitterness of his tone. "With a very scant few exceptions as you've noticed my entire world is Thea's existence and what makes it up as I know more about photonic phase realignments and reverse polarity shifters on a level that made Doctor Zimmerman proud when he read a paper that I wrote years when I was at the academy."

Kae then gestured to the man in front of him. "For instance I think that you may know more about the Prophets then I do and I'm half Bajoran but you would think that would allow me to be the perfect little scientific specialist wouldn't?"

Kae couldn't handle just sitting anymore as he quickly stood up and started moving with a nervous energy now that he had a little bit more room to move in then the small cell that he'd been confined to for the last day or so. "I took all of these factors and thought that I could handle the isolation, the constant running, and the attempts to free our combined governments from a internal hostile force but instead I found myself finding something in Skye Carver that I didn't think I could find...I gained a sister, someone that I could look up to and talk to when I needed it."

He stopped and looked at Trent, focusing him with an almost laser like intensity for a few seconds. "I had someone to talk to that I could just be something that I wasn't, Commander Trent and I had Thea but that wasn't enough for me not to be affected by the sudden and brutal changes in my department and I tried to solider on and do what the captain and everyone needed of me...but I just failed time and time again, I should've seen what happened to Thea during the Vassar Stupidity and it almost cost me *HER*!"

Kae's eyes suddenly started to shift slightly as he slowly and at a more sedate pace went to sit down across from the older man again, looking like someone had just taken not just the wind out of his sails but the sails as well. "I..I have a wonderful morning with a pilot from the Wolves the day that the Stupidity happened..and it left me feeling in a way that even our resident Risan who I'd been crushing on wasn't causing in me and I swore to myself that after the Black Opal mission was over that I was going to talk to Skye about how Oracle's death hit me, but you know what happened there, sir." he said in a extremely more sedate and somber tone, almost sounding more like a sad Vulcan then the impassioned half-Bajoran he was only a scant few seconds ago.

Re: DAY 05: The Crossroads [1430 hrs.]

Reply #11 –
[ Commander Carrigan Trent | Security Center | Brig | USS Theurgy ] Attn: Thea & Lin

Trent was no counselor.  But it didn't mean he couldn't listen, that he couldn't do his best to assist the young man in front of him.  Technically, it would be up to his department head to do this originally, but Lin Kae did not strike him as the sort who opened up to anyone easily.  If anything, it probably was only because the XO had been so frank and fairly brutal with him that he'd managed to get that much out of him.  And he considered what had been said.

And he spoke.  "The mutiny was hard on everyone.  You want to know something?  It was the mutiny that woke me up and reminded me of who and what I was.  I don't know how much of the reports you've seen, but you know that Lieutenant Fedd died. What you might not know is that I'm the one who killed him.  And what you can't possibly know, is that he was a friend of twenty years."  There was a sadness in Carrigan's quiet voice.  The Fedd he had known would have put up a better fight, and would have been incapacitated by a few broken bones, not left to die from drowning in his own blood after a rather predictable strike from a synthetic knee into the ribs. 

"And after that, I remembered what was needed for command, and I had three Ensigns trust me to lead them, and as a result they were murdered by T'Rena.  And if it wasn't for the need to actually forge ahead and get the ship into battle against Calamity, I might have even allowed that to bring me back to where I was before. "

"I'm not a counselor, so I can say this: you lost your shit.  It can happen to everyone.  And years ago, it happened to me.  When you have a chance, look up the USS Harrier, Commander Carrigan Trent commanding.  Her last battle... broke me, and it took years and a mutiny for me to recover from it."

Re: DAY 05: The Crossroads [1430 hrs.]

Reply #12 –
[ Lieutenant Lin Kae | Security Center | Brig | USS Theurgy ] Attn: Thea & Trent

Kae was quiet as he took in this new information before he ran a hand through his short black hair. "It's crazy isn't?" he said quietly as he looked up at the Executive Officer, still in that "Sad Vulcan" kind of tone when he spoke. "How that Stupidity brought out the best in some and worst in others but before it even started, it brought us such hope as here was another ship that we could have help us fix this immense problem.."

Kae then motioned at Trent with both hands before moving both hands like he was physically moving Trent to the left when in reality he was still sitting, "In this aspect you had the data that remained from when you were apart of the Harrier and it was being applied with great pains to the Theurgy but in the end you where able to get past that data and change the code so that a positive outcome emerged for all involved..even at the cost of someone important.."

He then motioned to the right and the look on his face turned slightly thoughtful yet maniac despite how calm and collected his tone sounded. "And here we have me with my own data..days and weeks of constantly hiding the fact that I was falling into corrupted data while trying to give the captain what s/he needed from the standpoint of my specialty..."

Kae suddenly stopped in mid sentience, he blinked his eyes as something in his mind started to replay certain aspects of what had happened over the past few weeks in his mind at which point his hands curled up into fists as the data was shifted through in his mind before he swallowed against a dry throat and asked "Sir, what was my punishment aside from reduction in rank again?"

Re: DAY 05: The Crossroads [1430 hrs.]

Reply #13 –
[ Commander Carrigan Trent | Security Center | Brig | USS Theurgy ] Attn: Thea & Lin

His own experience with counselors might not make the Executive Officer an expert in mental health care, but it certainly gave him an insight on discussing such matters with his crewmates.  And there was something that was bothering Trent from the young Bajoran: his tendency to refer to everything as 'data', and as though his own mind was a computer dealing with unusual input.  That might be something to look into.

But first, he had to deal with the question he had just been asked.  "Mister Lin, aside from mandatory, monitored time in the gym, a half hour per meal and your appointments with Counselor O'Connor, you are restricted to quarters once your regular duties and additional four hours per day working under Provisional Warrant Officer MacMillan with her therapy holographic animal project, you are confined to quarters.  Furthermore, your replicator access has been rescinded.  You are also subject to a minimum of twice daily reporting requirements to Lieutenant Commander Dewitt and extreme close supervision for the time being."

Then, he addressed his first concerns.  "Mister Lin, Kae, you are not a computer, your mind is not lines of codes or programming.  You can't approach the world like this.  I can understand wanting to rationalize everything, to try and make sense out of it.  But this isn't the way to do it.  The... data isn't corrupted.  Your 'coding' isn't corrupted.  You're a young man who's been tossed into the deepest of deep ends and you're having a hard time coping.  You're not the first, and you're not going to be the last, I'm sorry to say."

"I said it when I was first promoted to XO.  My door is always open if you need to talk.  Or speak to Commander Stark; she's got a good head on her shoulders and you might find her more approachable.  Or alternatively, you could speak to Master Chief O'Connell; he's a little odd, but he's a solid sounding board.  Or Mister Covington, that man's been in Starfleet since before I was born and he's a hell of an asset to anyone who needs advice.  But for crying out loud, don't just let yourself stew about things."

Re: DAY 05: The Crossroads [1430 hrs.]

Reply #14 –
[ Lieutenant Lin Kae | Security Center | Brig | USS Theurgy ] Attn: Thea & Trent

Kae listened to the older man and then once more he slowly started to nod in agreement and when he did speak, it was a little bit more calmer with a hint of focus that he didn't have a moment ago almost like what Trent said had more of an impact then the Executive Officer had intended. "You must forgive my..esoteric manner of thinking, Commander. When it says in my history that I was kept in a bubble during my youth, it wasn't some kind of paradoxical statement but a truth because I grew up with my parent's loving touch at a distance because of some kind of medical fuck up mixed with my main form of contact being holograms throughout my formative years which meant a lot of things tended to bleed over if you will?"

The young man then rubbed his chin and noticed that there was stubble there which made him blink in slight confusion as he drew his hand away from his face as he blinked slightly before he went back to rubbing his chin in thought for a second before saying "As for my punishment, I'm not going to argue with it or against it because it's a fair cop since I...I messed up by not letting anyone know how far gone I was." but then he stopped and attempted to gather his thoughts for a few seconds before saying "However if I might make an addition to that, I think that my sessions with the counselor be joined by Miss Henshaw."

Kae stopped rubbing his chin and then leaned forward as he attempted to look the older man in the eyes, fighting the twitching that he felt the muscles demanding that he do because of his stress levels. "I..I thought about going to her a couple of times because she seemed a lot less intimidating then O'Connor and I know that I can't responsibly or respectfully request such a thing at this venture and nor am I feeling that I deserve it..call me crazy but something keeps telling me that if I had gone and reached out to her then maybe I wouldn't have snapped like I did so she might be able to help me now possibly." he explained as he fought to keep his words from falling into the mishmash that he'd been speaking in with the older man previously.

Kae then let out a shuddering sigh as he leaned back in his seat and rubbed his hands across his face feeling and looking much older then his young twenty two. "You said that you had an open door, commander..right now I want to share something with you that I tried to explain to Thea the other day but I didn't know how to put it properly but I haven't had an actual night of sleep since this whole thing has begun." he explained in a slightly shuddering tone as he allowed a facade to drop to show just how truly exhausted he was. "I got up, did my job, and then dreaded when it came to sleep because all I could do was dream in fractals, what ifs, blood, and shadows..day in day out.."

Then Kae stopped once more as a genuine smile crossed his boyish features as he recalled the next part. "I didn't remember the night before but when I woke up next to Soo..Oracle of the Wolves..I realized that I was at peace and had a full night's sleep which was followed by a couple of firsts for me, Commander. The first was the fact that here was a person that was able to give me enough peace so that I could sleep and I actually dreamed of ways to help Thea become more of a person then what Zimmerman could ever possibly dream and then..then..."

He stopped as he recalled those soul shattered seconds when he heard about what had happened and Rihen comforting him at which point he felt like he was going to break down all over again like he did in that moment but he fought it. "I felt like I had killed her somehow, commander..and..and I think that's when I started to look at talking to Hendshaw but I was afraid of it for some reason..I think deep down I'm afraid of any kind of change because one discovery and our whole world is turned upside down.."

Kae then forced himself to look back into the eyes of his commander without really looking there and didn't say anything for a couple of minutes and when he did speak, it was with a quiet understanding of what had happened. "I'm sorry I both put you through that and this, commander. Just by talking to you for this little bit has actually did more to help then I thought it might or could.."

He then reached up and removed his last regulation pip from his collar, then his com-badge before finally removing his jacket which he put on the table before looking at his com-badge. "I..I didn't disgrace the uniform, I disgraced you and the crew..until I can earn something of that back, I don't think that I can wear this uniform without feeling like I've gotten the service dirty, Commander Trent. But I am ready to begin my punishment when you are."

Re: DAY 05: The Crossroads [1430 hrs.]

Reply #15 –
[ Commander Carrigan Trent | Security Center | Brig | USS Theurgy ] Attn: Thea & Lin

Trent did not know a thing about Lin's early life.  Truth be told, he didn't have much time to look into him before the need for this hearing.  If anything, he had focused mostly on his service record, supervisors' notes and things of the like.  And for one thing, he had not expected an explanation about his method of speech and the way he saw the world.  But now that he had, it certainly did explain a few things. 

When he mentioned Henshaw, though, Trent made a note to his own PADD.  The Yeoman was a mission specialist for the upcoming operation on Starbase 84, and she was the Captain's administrative assistant; the latter alone would eat up a lot of her time, but she was a qualified counselor, and if he thought he would be more comfortable with her, that was a request he could look into.  "The Yeoman is a very busy person, even if she wasn't directly involved in the upcoming operation, so I won't make any promises, Mister Lin, but I will pass on your request."  He might not be the most congenial person around, but Trent was no tyrant, nor would he reject out of hand something to improve on the mental health of  member of his crew, even if he had just been on the receiving end of a rather severe summary judgement.

Then, he listened.  What the half-Bajoran was describing was something that was very familiar to anyone who had fought in any war.  Those demons haunted a lot of people, him included.  War did some terrible things to people's minds, and Lin Kae was no exception. 

"Now, with regards to your nightmares and how you sleep," started Trent as he sat back down.  "I know it sounds callous, but welcome to fighting a war.  You felt safe with Oracle, at peace.  I can definitely understand that.  You would be surprised how many people on this ship have been there.  And I can understand how her loss would affect you.  But you. Did.  Not.  Kill.  Her.  She was murdered during the mutiny by one of Vasser's people or someone who was compromised by T'Rena.  You aren't responsible for her death.  I know it's not much comfort.  Now, I know what it's like not to be able to sleep because of things like this.  I've been there, and still there some nights.  So you can either talk to Medical for some medication, or work through it with the Counselling staff.  Probably both."

However, the XO's tone changed drastically and his eyes became as unyielding as flint when the younger man removed his jacket and spoke of not wanting to wear the uniform.

"Let me explain something to you, and I will do this exactly once.  You are a member of this crew until you are transferred or tender your resignation.  Since we don't exactly have another ship to put you on and I'm not going to entertain any thoughts of resignation at this time, you are out of luck.  It will definitely annoy some people to see you in uniform, but most will understand you're still a Starfleet Officer and you are doing your job.  But if you get seen distancing yourself from the rest of us by refusing to wear your uniform, you're going to tell everyone you aren't a member of this crew, or even of Starfleet.  And right now, the only thing that will keep you from getting tuned in on your way back to your quarters or having an unfortunate accident are Starfleet regulations and discipline.  And what's worse, everyone on this ship will know that the Captain deputized me to deal with your case eventually.  If you are seen to distance yourself from the crew, that will undermine the crew's confidence in this ship's command, and we definitely don't need that.  Now, that is all I intend to say about this.  You will wear your uniform and wear it properly.  If I need to have Chiefs O'Connell or Covington inspect you every day before watch like some thick-skulled recruit, I will do it.  Am I making myself absolutely crystal clear?"

Re: DAY 05: The Crossroads [1430 hrs.]

Reply #16 –
[ Lieutenant Lin Kae | Security Center | Brig | USS Theurgy ] Attn: Thea & Trent

Kae listened to the older man and he could only nod as he waited for his chance to speak since apart of him, the now slowly growing in internal volume part of him, was telling him to stay quiet for the moment. "I understand Commander and that's all that I can ask for. I'm not questioning the Counselor's credentials which I'm sure that they are all within the proper levels and everything..I would just feel better to have a friendlier face in the room as well helping."

A sharp stabbing pain suddenly felt like a slap to the optic nerve bundle behind his right eye and he reflexively flinched as his right hand shot up and started to rub at the spot directly an inch below his right temple as he winced at the sudden and brutal feeling pain there as he heard what he thought was..well "snarling" at the comments he made.

He then looked over at Trent as he spoke about how it wasn't Kae's fault that Oracle had died and that his problems sleeping was apart of a bigger issue with fighting in a war and right when it was starting to make sense to him..the sharp stabbing pain suddenly lanced through his eye again-only this time it felt stronger.

"Sorry sir..I think the lack of sleep is catching up to me.." Kae attempted to say in hopes that the older man didn't find him trying to mock his attempts at help but when Trent's tone suddenly and sharply changed..something inside the back of Kae's mind suddenly surged forward as the young hybrid suddenly had the feeling that he was now a passenger in his own body.

His eyes went utterly dead as his tone became very cold with no real passion behind it as he sat up ramrod straight. "Don't worry, I'll wear this thing that I've besmirched as in accordance to the uniform guide book with the exception of subsection two, paragraph one." he said before simply looking into the commander's eyes while not looking into them.

"As for me supposedly having any thoughts of quitting or the such, that never entered my mind..sir. What entered my mind is that as you have put it everyone knows that I'm the reason we fucked up..while I was trying to sleep I heard the guards talking about how they should just go ahead and space me since I was no good to them like Vassar." Kae said in the expressionless tone. "I am not entertaining any thoughts of quitting *DESPITE* what others may *THINK* or *WANT*.."

Kae's face became just a little bit more animated as his handsome face became a little bit more darker as an unfamiliar expression-anger-started to slowly creep onto his boyish face. "I may have earned this punishment but by that same token I have earned the right to not be treated like some thick skulled moron either! Mark me on that."

Just as suddenly as the outburst had begun, the expression quickly drained out of Kae's face and he suddenly went back to it's more recently common stressed out state as he blinked a couple of times as he moved to sit back up in the chair. "I'm sorry sir, you were saying about something about the uniform. I..I understand but can I at least wait to put the jacket back on..it's a tad on the ripe side at the moment." he admitted as his voice showed none of the inflections that he had previously just said to his commanding officer.

Re: DAY 05: The Crossroads [1430 hrs.]

Reply #17 –
[ Commander Carrigan Trent | Security Center | Brig | USS Theurgy ] Attn: Thea & Lin

Trent could not give much in the way of assurances as to what the holographic specialist wanted, but it would seem that was enough for the time being.  Overall, it seemed that he was receptive to the advice he was being given, but there was a certain twitch to his face, as though he was being victim to a crippling migraine.  Indeed, spending time in the Brig was hardly conducive to good rest and there was no way he would blame him for his lack of rest.

He was about to offer his understanding, when instead the young man's voice changed.  It was no longer the quiet, remorseful young man he was dealing with.  It was something else.  His eyes had gone hard and his voice as cold and unyielding as steel.  And the words that followed, while in the Bajoran's voice, were not what he would have expected.  And his choice of words led Trent to rise from his seat and he brought his hands down hard onto the table.  The one he was born made for a resounding slap, but his artificial one clanked hard against the surface, leaving a dent where the prosthesis connected. 

No one talked to him like this. 

But then, his tone changed again, back to what he considered was normal.  But the real surprise was as though he had absolutely no recollections as to what he just said. 

"Yes, I did.  When you are on duty, you will wear your uniform properly and in its entirety, and if you deviate from the standards I have given you, I'll see to it you are inspected every time you report for duty.  But for the time being, you will return to your quarters, have a shower and report to Counseling immediately afterwards."

Re: DAY 05: The Crossroads [1430 hrs.]

Reply #18 –
[ Lieutenant Lin Kae | Security Center | Brig | USS Theurgy ] Attn: Thea & Trent

Kae blinked in total and utter confusion as he looked up at the ship's Executive Officer and blinked a couple of times before he faded out for a second the cyborged man was sitting and was calm but now he was standing up and looking quite pissed off.

Was he mad that he faded out for a second because of the incredibly sharp pain that had hit him from the lack of sleep?

"Um..did I do something again to piss you off, commander?" he asked in a concerned, remorseful, worried, and very tired voice as he blinked at Trent. "If I did then I apologize for fading out on you..I..I didn't mean too."

Kae honestly didn't know what to do at that moment, he had heard what this senior officer had told him but it felt like something new had arisen and he was concerned now.

Re: DAY 05: The Crossroads [1430 hrs.]

Reply #19 –
When he was asked if there was a problem, Trent could not help but simply stand there and blink.  The young man, he obviously had no recollection of how he had just addressed his XO.  Under most circumstances, that kind of tone and wording would have been enough to send someone straight back in to a cell, but this was something entirely.  Trent was no physician, nor was a counselor.  But he knew there was something really, really wrong with Mister Lin. 

Fading out... he hadn't been in full control of what was going on with him.  From his own battles with the threats to his mental health, Trent had learned there was a possibility of actual brain damage from the emotional trauma; he did not understand it completely, but he did not have to, not really.  And if the holo-specialist was indeed losing his mind, that needed to be addressed now.

"Ensign, when you 'faded out', you were still conscious.  And you decided it would be appropriate to dictate terms to me.  Truth be told, you didn't sound like yourself at all.  That is why you will go for a shower and a change of uniform and report immediately to Sickbay for a full psychological, psychiatric and neurological workup."

Re: DAY 05: The Crossroads [1430 hrs.]

Reply #20 –
Kae couldn't believe what he was hearing from Trent, his rational mind just couldn't wrap it's self around it for some reason but he saw the obvious anger that still resided in the cyborged man's eyes. "I'm sorry if I offended you, sir." he said in a sorrowful tone.

Suddenly there was another stabbing pain behind his left eye and he brought his hand up without realizing it to rub the spot in question as he tried to focus. "Permission to grab a shower and uniform after sickbay..this pain is getting really bad here, sir."

Re: DAY 05: The Crossroads [1430 hrs.]

Reply #21 –
What was going on in this young man's head?  Trent had no idea.  After all it was hardly his department and at this point he was in this room as Captain Ives' seniormost agent, the instrument of her will and her strong right hand.  As the Bajoran apologized, the XO inclined his head in response.  If anything, he wanted to put some distance between him and this case sooner rather than later, and leave it to Dewitt to handle the nuts and bolts of it. 

When he finally asked to be dismissed, the human nodded.  "You're dismissed, Ensign.  Carry on as instructed."

((The end?))
 
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