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Topic: Radio-Show Transcript: Brexit Explained (Read 1541 times) previous topic - next topic

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Radio-Show Transcript: Brexit Explained
Hi there!

I just listened to a radio show where a Swedish comedian explained Brexit to the Swedish people who had a bit of trouble following along with all the news about it. Here is the rough transcript that I translated and wanted to share since it was pretty funny. Please bear in mind how it's very tongue-in-cheek and there is no offence intended. It's merely a jocular take on recent events from an outsider's perspective.

Michael Tornving, Radio-show Mix Megapol, 2 October 2019

"Tornving Explains Brexit"

"Brexit" though? Shouldn't it be Whexit? Or Exit, since it was just Whales and England who voted for this shite idea? Scotland wanted to remain and Northern Ireland seemed a bit cautiously ambivalent about it? Not sure.

In any case, to best explain Brexit, think of the UK like a husband that you are married to. Charming and a little eccentric. Yet during the whole of your marriage, this guy has been complaining. A lot. About most things in the relationship, really. He's been complaining about you making too many decisions that affects him in your marriage, called you a bit fat, and really hates it when your family members come to visit, leaving him bereft of choice in the matter. Furthermore, he is whining about how you are spending the money for the household. You try to tell him that you are buying things for the both of you and the family you are raising together, but he just can't get that. Instead, he has just kept on whining and complained all the time.

So, now he has decided that he wants a divorce. Though in doing so, he doesn't want to pay any allowance for the kids he leaves behind. He also wishes that his own relatives should be able to come visit and live at your place after the divorce. You and your family, however, should not be allowed to visit him. He's kept his old apartment so he'll be staying there, but all of the mortgage and the old debts for your common house and investments? That's something that he thinks you should pay for. Oh, and of course he wants to be able to come over and have sex when it suits him, but otherwise it's important that you are separated and lead your own lives.

To make matters worse, during the divorce process when you draw up this arrangement he always shows up a bit drunk and unprepared. He never brings the right paperwork with the right consent forms filled out. And every damn time he comes to these meetings he has some new and dodgy demand to make, upsetting the whole process so that you have to re-start it all over again.

"I want the dog!"

"But honey, we don't have a dog..."

"But I want it anyway, and I want it to fly!"

And all of this arrogance falls back on yore merits of his where he was the CEO of this great, global corporation that built stuff from things stolen from other companies, with subsidiaries that long since have become independent as the corporation itself went bankrupt over seventy years ago. What he thinks now, as he files for divorce, is that he'll be able to restart his old business all over again, and that it will be just like it was before.

So... it's at this point that you might begin to think that he's not as charming and eccentric as you once thought.

In fact, you are beginning to see how he is fucking nuts.

As much as I sympathise with the people of the UK in this sordid affair, I have to admit that I laughed a bit at this piece on the radio.  (laugh)


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