CH03: S [D04|0615] The Easiest Cure

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CH03: S [D04|0615] The Easiest Cure

August 02, 2018, 12:35:59 PM

Her hand shook and with it, the phaser in her hand shook.

Even with her unsteady grip on the weapon and her inability to see straight, it was no less a dangerous instrument. No one could tell what setting it was on, so there was no telling what might happen if she actually pulled the trigger.

This had all started roughly 5 minutes before when a nurse had found B'Nila Skai out of her bed in sitting curled up in the fetal position outside the door of the morgue. Somehow she had gotten into a weapons locker and taken out a type-II phaser. In the minutes that followed she had alternated between pointing the weapons at the nurses, doctors, and patients around her and herself. At the range even on a medium stun, if she hit herself they all knew it would be lethal.

A message had been sent to someone with counseling experience to come down, to try and talk to her. Thus far no one had gotten her to say anything.

In her mind, B'Nila was devastated beyond the realm of rational thought. She had gotten up to check on Michal. She wanted to see that Michal was okay. But for some reason, Michal was in the morgue and for some reason, her access code didn't work on the door to the morgue. Her access code hade worked on the handle to the weapons locker in the corridor. She had found the phaser in there. She had taken it to shot the lock so she could get in, so she could make sure Michal was okay, at least she was pretty sure that was the reason. It had seemed a good reason.

And then they had tried to take it from her, so she had pointed it at them.

Then all she could feel the pain, the void. Why was Michal in the morgue? Michal was okay. Michal had to be okay. If Michal wasn't okay...

So she had pointed the phaser at herself.

Then they would move closer, to take the phaser from her, she knew that. Even if they lied and said that wasn't the case. She knew better. So she would point the phaser at them and they would back away again.

And she would sit next to the door. Michal was in there. Why were they keeping Michal from her? Why were they keeping her from Michal? They must be trying to hurt Michal. Michal was already hurt. Did they just not treat Michal? Weren't they doctors? Weren't they required to treat her? Why would they just leave her in the morgue? They were supposed to do better than that. Why weren't they doing more?

Why did it hurt? Why was she crying? She couldn't stop it. She wanted to stop it. She had to stop it, so she again pointed the phaser at herself, that would stop it.

But they moved closer. Once more to take the phaser from her. They kept lying. And they kept her from Michal and Michal from her. Why were they doing that?

Re: Chapter 03: Supplemental [ Day 04 | 0615 hrs. ] The Easiest Cure

Reply #1 – August 02, 2018, 07:08:24 PM

[ Lt. Zelosa Ejek | Just outside the morgue | Battle Sickbay | Deck 15 | Vector 03 | USS Theurgy ] attn: @Absinthe

The speed at which she made it from her office to the morgue was worthy of some sort of recognition. The second she was contacted, she apologized to her scheduled patient, and bolted. She left her patient in her office alone, it’d likely take a moment for a nurse to get there and take over for her, and she didn’t have moments to spare.

Up ahead, she saw a small gathering of the current medical staff. Nurses and doctors, not equipped to handle a situation with the sensitivity Ejek had, but they kept the worst from happening. Thank goodness. She broke through their lines, her hair a little bit out of line, panting from her full-power sprint here.
“B’Nila!” She called out, and saw she was alive and...had a phaser. She kept her hands visible, but stepped just a bit closer than the line of doctors and nurses. She had no clue why she was huddled near the morgue, of all places, but an addled mind can do many things that don’t make sense otherwise.
“B’Nila,” Her voice was calmer now, glad that she was alive, at least, and had presumably harmed no one. Though...now she wished she had allowed more closeness in her relationship with the counselor. She’d always remained formal and polite, as is correct for a superior officer...but now, that sort of cold touch just wasn’t right. She...hoped she wouldn’t be shot.

“B’Nila—what’s happened? Why are we gathered by the morgue?”

Re: Chapter 03: Supplemental [ Day 04 | 0615 hrs. ] The Easiest Cure

Reply #2 – August 03, 2018, 08:46:33 AM

And then Ejek was there. She was asking what was going on. Didn't she know? How could she not know? Would Ejek keep Michal away too? Just like the other people in the sickbay were trying to. B'Nila's grip on the phaser continued to shake as she glanced around.

"Michal is in there..." she began, her voice sounded odd to her ears, like it was coming from someone else. She sounded half in between a panicked cry and a desperate sob. "And they won't let her out. They're keeping me from her. My code won't work on the door. Why are they keeping her in there? She's fine... She has to be..."

She looked down at the phaser in her hand, it was pointing at the other people in the room now. She couldn't remember taking it off of herself, but it seemed like she wanted it on the people around her or they would try and take it and they would keep her from Michal even longer. Maybe Ejek could help. Maybe Ejek could get a phaser too and they could convince the people to let Michal go. To treat her. Michal had to be okay. She just had to be.

"I can't open the door and they keep trying to take the phaser from me. And then I hurt and I want to make the pain stop," she went on, her voice coming out in sob filled breaths, her words flowing together into the sobs, blurring so that it was more difficult to understand her, but she knew what she was trying to say, Ejek had to know too. Ejek would help her. Or maybe Ejek wouldn't. She stared at Ejek and found her hand moved to point the phaser now at Ejek. "I want Michal and they are keeping her from me and won't tell me why. Why are they keeping her from me?"

Re: Chapter 03: Supplemental [ Day 04 | 0615 hrs. ] The Easiest Cure

Reply #3 – August 04, 2018, 06:44:03 AM

[ Lt. Zelosa Ejek | Just outside the morgue | Battle Sickbay | Deck 15 | Vector 03 | USS Theurgy ] attn: @Absinthe

Michal? In the morgue…?

Ah, that’s what this was about.

She supposed it was only a matter of time. She felt no grief for Michal, and she’d bet her own kidneys that most of the Resolve felt the same. She was hated more than Romulans, for the fatherland’s sake, and the Romulans had boarding parties and guns. Michal was B'Nila's world though, for better or for worse, and now the most catastrophic thing had happened.

She formed a plan, quickly too, and her only hope was that no one desecrated the corpse, as she was sure a great number of people would. Her tone and expression took on a more caring voice, her hands were still up for B’Nila to see that she would not hurt her.
“B’Nila...You can keep the gun with you.” She delivered the line softly, much to the chagrin of literally everyone else in the room. She commanded their attention by continuing. “We will go in the morgue, together. We’re going to see Michal. I will need her location.” She announced, giving no one any room to disagree. No one could, either. She was the one in charge of the situation here, this was her job. A nurse came over with a datapad and handed it to the Lieutenant. She took it in one hand, and made a slow approach to B’Nila’s location. Her other hand was extended out, her eyes met her colleague’s...and she didn’t feel like a colleague very much. Not anymore, anyway.

“B’Nila...come hold my hand, alright? We’re going to let the nurse open the doors for us. I’m going to walk in with you.”

She was just within arm’s length, but didn’t come closer unless invited. Ejek never let people hold her hands. She would always swat Suq away when he tried, and more than once has someone been on the receiving end of her fury for invading her personal bubble. The truth was, Suq did get to hold her hand—when he needed it most. B’Nila, right now, she needed it. Ejek felt her own chest hurt inside to see her like this. It hurt more than she was used to. Good thing she was already in sickbay.

“It’s not going to be easy, alright? You’re not going to be happy with what you see. But you need to see her.” She repeated what B’Nila had been demanding all this time, but unlike this frightened, hurting woman, Ejek knew what they’d find. She knew how important it was to see the body, to begin grieving. It was the only way B’Nila would begin to heal from some very, very deep wounds.

Ejek found herself willing to walk with B'Nila every step of that healing journey too.

Re: Chapter 03: Supplemental [ Day 04 | 0615 hrs. ] The Easiest Cure

Reply #4 – August 04, 2018, 08:45:44 AM

"We're going to see Michal."

At that B'Nila relaxed a little, the phaser dipping slightly in her shaking hand. She wanted, very badly, to see Michal. She wanted to make sure Michal was alright. Michal had to be alright. That was all that mattered. Nothing else was really that important to her, not anymore. Michal had to be alright and that was it.

Carefully, keeping the phaser clasped tightly in her hand B'Nila pulled herself to her feet and glanced around. She stood uneasy on her feet and looked around at the people there, looked at there faces. She swayed a little, almost as if she had been drinking, though this was more to do with how completely off the gravity around her was. She kept on having to make little corrections. No one else was. Did they not notice? Why was the ship swaying? Were they in water? Were they in some sea or great ocean?

The nurses and doctors were still looking at her, they were still giving her that look that said they wanted to take the phaser from her, that they wanted to keep her from Michal.

But Ejek understood. Ejek had been on the Resolve too. Ejek knew. Ejek would help her. Ejek said as much. And that was good. That was more than the nurses and doctors were doing. They weren't being helpful at all. B'Nila could see it in their faces. They weren't helpful people. Ejek would be helpful. Ejek would help her get to Michal. Ejek would help her make sure Michal was okay and then everything would be okay.

"B'Nila...come hold my hand, alright?"

For a moment B'Nila looked at the outstretched hand. Some part of her hesitated, feared the physical contact and what it would do. But Ejek had asked her to do it. Ejek would help her. B'Nila knew this. It would be okay.

"Al-alright..." she said and with her free hand, she reached out and carefully took Ejek's hand.

The sensation was like a current of electricity suddenly joining the two of them. While as Vulcan mind melds are disciplined acts, the touch telepathy of the Elsarian people was far more intuitive and emotional than that. In a second the emotions of the two beings would merge and the identities would begin to merge unless the one initiating the contact was highly disciplined. Normally B'Nila was just that. She was able to control the contact and not cause too much of a problem. But today was very different.

The initial contact was nothing more than a rush of emotion and general sensation. The linking of two central nervous systems and surface thoughts and feels coming together. In less than a second, however, B'Nila's memories came flooding through. The extra emotional processing power of Ejek's mind seemed to be taken into account as the two minds synced and acted as one, one mind acting in self-preservation.

And very quickly the flood of memories and sensations flowed from B'Nila and into Ejek. Intimate loving mornings, abusive and bloody evenings. The beatings, the kisses, the tender lovemaking, and the brutal hate fucking.

All flowed with no restraint or filter, all raw unfiltered sensation, and memory. B'Nila could not provide context or in anyway direct the feeling, instead, it simply tore through her and into Ejek, like blood gushing from a deep wound. The only hope would be that in some way Ejek would be able to keep her mind and provide some balance or at the very least stand up against the sudden flood.

Re: Chapter 03: Supplemental [ Day 04 | 0615 hrs. ] The Easiest Cure

Reply #5 – August 04, 2018, 08:16:19 PM

[ Lt. Zelosa Ejek | Morgue | Deck 15 | Vector 03 | USS Theurgy ] attn: @Absinthe

She knew what was coming. She knew B’Nila was a touch-telepath, and she knew her control was compromised. All this was intentional though. She knew B'Nila was hurting so bad she couldn't handle it on her own. Not alone. When their skin touched, Ejek had already braced herself. Her eyes closed and she let the tsunami of emotions, then memories wash over her.

She was not trained in mental defense like other Cardassians. She never learned from a mentor, everything she knew came from texts describing a large variety of mental defense techniques. She never had the chance to use them, until now. At first, she found herself lost. There was a lot to any individual’s mind, let alone an emotionally wrecked one. It felt like drowning. For some time, she was frozen in place, raising fear in the doctors and nurses around her. The Cardassian woman had strong will though, and healthy coping mechanisms. First, she sorted through the memories, watching them one by one, acknowledging them without applying emotion to them. These are the things that were.

Then she focused on her body. She could feel herself breathing, the chill of the sickbay’s air on her skin, she heard quiet sounds of computers...she was here, outside the morgue. Ejek had a treatment plan for B’Nila. These are the things that are.

Michal was in the morgue. A nurse would unlock the door for them. B’Nila would see Michal. And then...these are the things that will be.

With herself orientated, she could come closer to the Elsarian. She knew, somehow, that she was unsteady and needed someone to lean on. Lean on me, she thought. Let me help. She brought her closer, wrapping an arm around her shoulder, watching one of the nurses open the morgue door. She led them inside, walking in-step with B’Nila.

Ejek was strong enough to survive the onslaught, but B’Nila had tore down her defenses. Now, instead of the typically cold, distant, professional supervisor that Ejek had been, B’Nila had full, unrestricted access to Zelosa Ejek, worried and frightened. Zelosa Ejek, who hurt to see someone in pain like this. Zelosa Ejek, who thought herself to be a solitary loner. These Federation types really grow on me. Like Saloksian green mold. She thought, images of Jimmy and B’Nila and Suq and Vivian and so many others flashed by. Family, the word entered her mind, but how could they be her family if she was a daughter of Cardassia?

None of that mattered. All those thoughts happened before they took their second step, and now Ejek was focused on B’Nila. She knew exactly what they would find there, though she could feel the other couldn’t accept that truth yet. That’s alright, she thought, let me carry these burdens for a time.

She was embarrassed by how much she cared about B’Nila. All that caring had always been there, but now B’Nila saw and it embarrassed her. Ejek was mushy and full of love and concern and not very Cardassian at all. It was a worry that kept coming back, despite her best efforts to put it out her mind and focus.

The morgue was colder than the previous room. Unlike sickbay, it was not so filled with noise and movement. The nurse remained by the doors, only Ejek and B’Nila entered. Ejek checked the datapad, caught glimpse of the appropriate number, and began to search. J13. Michal Silika.

The walls here were covered in horizontal ‘shelves’, each one numbered and marked, given a name card if they were occupied and left blank if not. Ejek spotted J13 and stood there with B’Nila, in front of the shelf. She knew all she had to do was pull it open and there would lie Michal, or what’s left. The datapad did not say that the body was badly mutilated. With their new telepathic connection, Ejek focused her thoughts to B’Nila, to speak to her in the most private of ways.

This is going to be scary. This is going to hurt. She thought, remembering so many bodies and funerals and how each of them hurt. But specifically, she wanted to show B’Nila her memories after. After every death, even deaths of...her family. Yes, she decided, she could reluctantly show B’Nila the old, but not faded memories from when she was a little girl, and she lost everything. Her family, her home, her claim to Cardassian culture...but things healed. She wasn’t dead. Her life did not stop. Every end is a beginning. It’s time to let yourself grieve. You won’t be alone. Are you ready?

So they stood, Ejek in silence as she felt B’Nila’s mind, offering her structure and support, measuring to see if she was ready to see Michal.

Re: Chapter 03: Supplemental [ Day 04 | 0615 hrs. ] The Easiest Cure

Reply #6 – August 08, 2018, 08:48:18 AM

Even with the link taking some of the burden, some of the emotional weight from her consciousness, B'Nila was still barely able to process the world around her. she could feel the sensations, the feelings of warmth and compassion coming from Ejek, feel the structure and discipline acting as stop gaps, holding the emotional trauma from breaking her, from leaving her again on the floor unable to process much of anything.

Indeed, even with Ejek's mind making continued contact with her own, Ejek still held fast to B'Nila's hand and B'Nila made no attempt to pull it away, B'Nila's own thoughts remained unclear as ever. She could feel the words, the memories, and the emotions coming from Ejek, but she could not put her own thoughts into words. She couldn't make them fit into the shape she needed them in to be able to communicate them in any way beyond the raw emotion and sensation.

The first real thing she did process when they stepped into the morgue was how much colder it seemed to me than the rest of the ship, a ship that was already a fair bit colder than B'Nila would have normally liked. Though maybe some of the sensation of cold was more from Ejek than herself. At that point, B'Nila couldn't have been any less certain which sensations and feelings were truly her own at this point. She couldn't be certain of much of anything, even with Ejek's presence in her mind, acting like a sure grip, holding her anchored and giving her some feeling of grounding.

They moved down the row until they stopped in front of one of the shelves that lined the wall. B'Nila didn't need it pointed out to her, she could see the small nameplate.

Michal Silka.

There was a jumble of numbers and letters as well, some meaningless code there for the purpose of bookkeeping. The code didn't matter to B'Nila and she got no impression that it mattered to Ejek.

With her free hand, she reached out and touched the handle, her fingers stopping the second they bumped up against the cold metal. Maybe it was some part of herself that was pushing her forward, maybe it was some thought or feeling flowing into her from Ejek, either way, she felt she could not stop. She had to move forward. There was something she had to do, something she had to see.

It only took the most superficial of tugs to trigger the opening assist mechanism and cause the shelf to slide out, exposing the body of Michal Silka in all of its beauty. Even though others only even saw the cruelty of Michal, B'Nila had seen the beauty and tenderness of the woman, she had felt the soft kisses and intimate moments, even if they were tainted by the cruelty and abuse.

B'Nila stood silently as she gazed down at Michal. Her thoughts and feelings flowed from her and into Ejek, Ejek providing her with some degree of resistance to the sheer emotional weight of it all, even if it was not so much at the moment was truly easy in anyway shape or form.

Michal was covered from just above her breasts down with a white sheet, leaving only her shoulders and her head visible. The skin that was visible showed a number of cuts, gashes, and even what looked like some holes that went quite deep left by shards of now removed metal. The examination was done. The body was ready to be processed in the way listed on Michal's file, as close to what burial at sea was in those days.

Slowly B'Nila extended her free hand once more and laid it on Michal's cold shoulder. Her skin felt just as cold as the air of the room, perhaps even colder. Her face was peaceful as if she was only sleeping. Some part of B'Nila demanded that she wake her, that even though Michal would be angry about being woken up and likely hit her a couple of times, it would be okay. Michal had hit B'Nila for any number of reasons. B'Nila kept a dermal regenerator stashed away in her quarters for that very reason. It wouldn't hurt that much. Michal would wake up and things would go right back to how they had been.

B'Nila could not stop herself and she pushed, giving Michal's body a soft shake. The body seemed to not notice the shake in any way. B'Nila did it again, this time a little harder. Nothing.

"Come on... wake up..." came the hollow sounding voice from B'Nila's mouth as she shook Michal again. "Just... please... wake up..." Tears poured down B'Nila's cheeks.

Even with Ejek there, even with the love and support coming from the contact, the link that they seemed to be holding onto, B'Nila could feel herself breaking.

"Come on..." she shook Michal again, the desperation building. "Just... wake up..."

Re: Chapter 03: Supplemental [ Day 04 | 0615 hrs. ] The Easiest Cure

Reply #7 – August 09, 2018, 02:27:39 AM

[ Lt. Zelosa Ejek | Morgue | Deck 15 | Vector 03 | USS Theurgy ] attn: @Absinthe

B’Nila had nothing concrete to give Ejek, mentally. All Ejek felt was solid emotion, like the wall of water that defines a tsunami as it hits. She handled it though. She had to, she wanted to.

She let B’Nila open the shelf, holding onto her other hand. She knew what was coming, she knew it would be bad, but she also knew it had to happen…

It started slowly, with thoughts and feelings, memories of tender moments in between the abuse. It rolled up into bigger feelings as she touched, felt a cold body with no thoughts inside. It rolled bigger and bigger as she tried to wake her, despite the danger it posed. Bigger, bigger, bigger…like a balloon being filled up too full with misery and despair.

Ejek placed a hand on her back, rubbing her gently. ”She won’t wake anymore. She is gone from here.” She added through her thoughts, but gently. ”If she were here, then you would hear her thoughts.”

Now, it was B’Nila’s moment. All Ejek could do was be here, but it was time for her to hurt, to cry, to scream and thrash against the world. But...one thing. Just one more thing to add…
”Put the weapon away. Let go of me if you like. Hold her close a while. This is the last time you’ll have the chance.”

To the nurse in the doorway, it was...strange. Ejek said nothing, did nothing for an obviously upset patient. She held her hand. If that was counseling these days, then just how hard was it to be a counselor? He watched, wary that one or both of them will try to mutilate the body. He didn’t know why, he wasn’t on the Resolve, but apparently this particular officer was loathed just that much. It's the whole reason the morgue was locked and she was denied access in the first place.

Re: Chapter 03: Supplemental [ Day 04 | 0615 hrs. ] The Easiest Cure

Reply #8 – August 09, 2018, 07:47:35 AM

Without even thinking about it B'Nila let the phaser slip from her fingers and clatter to the floor. She paid it no mind, her eyes could not leave the body of the woman, the woman who was cold and empty. Michal, even when she was asleep, had always felt hot, her thoughts and feelings had been like fire in B'Nila's mind, filling her with warmth. Even when Michal's fire burned her, B'Nila had not been able to turn away or refuse her.

But now Michal was cold. The fire was gone.

As the moment dragged on like a knife B'Nila's hand moved over the face of Michal, moving over the details as if she were trying to memorize them, trying to ensure they would not fade from her. "It's okay..." B'Nila said softly. "Sleep in... I'll let them know... I can give them an excuse... I can make sure you don't get in trouble..." Her voice sounded hollow as if more from a memory than from the moment. And really they were. Memories of using her position as counselor to cover for Michal, to let her lover sleep off some terrible hangover. Counselors could relieve anyone from duty and Michal had been more than happy to use the position of B'Nila to her advantage in that regard.

A few times B'Nila had even gone so far as to claim that she needed to confidentially treat a patient just to slip away and have some quiet lunch with Michal in some remote jefferies tube on the Resolve. Michal had drunk heavily and gotten ill, but B'Nila had tended to her. B'Nila had made everything okay.

And then without thinking B'Nila said something.

"I was supposed to die, not you..."

The words slipped out before she could restrain them. And they were true. B'Nila had not really wanted to survive any of this. She had viewed herself as a container of some delicacy, to be consumed and discarded. Michal would consume her and then she would cease to be. That was what was supposed to happen. Michal wasn't supposed to die. This wasn't what B'Nila wanted. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen.

Michal had broken her time and again and B'Nila had waited for Michal to take everything from her. B'Nila had given it to Michal to take.

Re: Chapter 03: Supplemental [ Day 04 | 0615 hrs. ] The Easiest Cure

Reply #9 – August 11, 2018, 02:49:00 AM

[ Lt. Zelosa Ejek | Morgue | Deck 15 | Vector 03 | USS Theurgy ] attn: @Absinthe

The phaser was gone. That made the tension drop considerably. It was more palpable than the temperature drop, to be honest. Quickly, she used her foot to scoot that phaser back a little farther and out of their reach. As handy as she was with them, she disliked phasers.

She didn’t stay focused on that thought for too long. She had B’Nila’s thoughts in her mind. She felt...cold inside, it felt. Empty. The snowball of emotions were hitting their peak. She made note of B’Nila’s apparent willingness to break the rules, but right now she was more worried about the comment that followed, the thoughts that came with it.

B’Nila, die? No, no no no, that could not happen. Whereas B’Nila accepted her own death so calmly, Ejek always had an instinctive rise of fear when the idea came about that someone would die. She couldn’t. She couldn’t lose anyone. She couldn’t…let B’Nila deal with her panic. She stifled it back down and gave her a squeeze, a quick mental apology for that outburst. Embarassment, but it gave way to patience, kindness, compassion all over again. This was her time.

”You have lived. You have more to do with your life yet. For now, mourn her.”

Re: Chapter 03: Supplemental [ Day 04 | 0615 hrs. ] The Easiest Cure

Reply #10 – August 12, 2018, 07:38:00 AM

This was wrong. Michal was supposed to wake up. Michal hated when B'Nila touched her, when B'Nila's telepathic touch invaded her mind. Michal would almost always hit her for that. But B'Nila couldn't reach Michal's mind. B'Nila could touch her, she could feel Michal's cold skin, but she couldn't reach Michal's mind. Even when Michal was asleep B'Nila had been able to reach her, to rouse her, she'd be hit for it. She'd be told to send in some excuse with her authority as ship's counselor and of course B'Nila would do just that. But Michal did not respond to B'Nila both mentally and physically shaking her.

This was not how this was supposed to happen. Michal was strong. Michal was the strongest person B'Nila had seen. Even when things got to be their worst on the Resolve and B'Nila felt like the weight of it all would crush her, Michal seemed to rise above it all, as if the world could not touch her. She would crush it all beneath her heel and walk on. B'Nila loved that. She would be crushed under Michal's heel just to be close to the strength and power of the woman. Just to be near someone who could not be defeated.

Michal was not supposed to die. B'Nila was supposed to die. That was how it was supposed to be. Michal might have even been the one to do it and B'Nila would have been fine with that. Michal was strong, B'Nila was not that strong. Michal was powerful, B'Nila was not. Michal could do anything she wanted, B'Nila could do nothing. This was how things were and how they were supposed to be.

Why had things changed?

Tears now flowed faster down B'Nila's face as the great wave of emotion came surging over her. She had never felt so alone, so gutted. She'd been beaten and abused, but never felt that empty before.

"Don't... don't leave me... I need you..." she said, he voice cracking, tears and a fair bit of mucus from her nose seeping down her face. She brushed her face off with her sleeve and looked at her hand, the hand Michal had once broken, or more accurately Michal had broken several bones in the hand, wrist, and arm. B'Nila had deserved it though. B'Nila had attempted to join minds with Michal during sex and Michal had not been expecting it and thus had no defense up against it. B'Nila had learned so much about Michal at that moment and enraged by the vulnerability Michal had broken the offending instrument of her vulnerability. B'Nila had deserved to suffer that day. Michal had been right to do it. B'Nila still told herself that even weeks later. "I... need... you..."

Re: Chapter 03: Supplemental [ Day 04 | 0615 hrs. ] The Easiest Cure

Reply #11 – August 14, 2018, 08:47:40 PM

[ Lt. Zelosa Ejek | Morgue | Deck 15 | Vector 03 | USS Theurgy ] attn: @Absinthe

This was the crescendo. As painful as it was, this is what needed to happen to allow B’Nila to move on and begin healing.

The range of thoughts B’Nila displayed was...expected, sadly. It was abuse, nearly textbook in it’s presentation. Ejek recalled checklists their textbooks had used and mentally visualized check marks next to each and every symptom.

It...bothered her, to say the least, that not only was B’Nila breaking rules for Michal, but that she was willing to die for her. All this, and she still did not see, with her analytical, counseling mind, that this was a problem. There were entire courses on this topic alone, and as the Cardassian analyzed and sorted through all of the incoming thoughts and memories, she wasn’t able to pick up on any sort of sensation or idea that this was wrong. She worried, worried for her friend and worried for those she counseled and worried for their futures…

“Take as long as you need.” She thought to her, “This hurts, I know. But this is the start of a life better than you would have ever imagined. The only thing you need is the desire to change.” She shared a variety of thoughts with her, concepts in counseling that B’Nila would already know. Change is a choice, rock bottom is where you stop digging, and no wound is irreparable. They weren’t big, angry, imposing thoughts, but suggestions. A structure much like Ejek’s to help B’Nila rebuild, take control.

Re: Chapter 03: Supplemental [ Day 04 | 0615 hrs. ] The Easiest Cure

Reply #12 – August 15, 2018, 07:59:22 AM

And B'nila cried, wept softly, holding back as much as she could, but the tears came all the same. She could feel the thoughts of Ejek in her mind and felt the pang of disappointment. And B'nila knew it. She had really always known it. She'd known Michal wasn't good for her, she'd known all the warning signs and she'd fallen into the snare all the same. She'd gotten herself into the kind of relationship that she'd read about in textbooks when she learned to be a counselor. And she had willfully told herself that it was different for her. That she was smarter, that it wasn't what they all thought it was.

The tears flowed down her face, over the white cheeks, and down her chin, dripping onto the gown she had been given while she recovered, her uniform now long discarded.

And she realized she probably never should have worn the uniform in the first place. Skilled counselors don't wind up like this. She could see how Ejek saw Michal, how Ejek saw her, how pathetic she had made herself. She had shamed the uniform and everyone else. She'd covered for Michal and Michal had beat her if she ever tried to refuse. She knew how to get help, but she had denied it was even a problem. She had faked it, told herself lies, but at that moment the lies melted away because the truth was too damn simple.

She was a shitty counselor and a shitter officer, she'd been a shitty non-commissioned officer too.

And the tears ended as she scrubbed at her face with the sleeve of the gown. "You can hear my thoughts, right?" she said aloud, her voice sounding worn thin and distant. "You know what I did." She didn't look back and Ejek, she couldn't.

Re: Chapter 03: Supplemental [ Day 04 | 0615 hrs. ] The Easiest Cure

Reply #13 – August 19, 2018, 08:08:17 PM

[ Lt. Zelosa Ejek | Morgue | Deck 15 | Vector 03 | USS Theurgy ] attn: @Absinthe

“I do.” She spoke, feeling a little disorientated as she both spoke and heard herself speak through B’Nila’s mind. She had the feeling if she were not strong of will, she would’ve lost her sense of self from that alone. As it was, it took her a moment to center herself again, and she was back.

She picked up shame from B’Nila. She was aware that it was Ejek’s own thoughts that made her feel bad and Ejek felt guilty. Regardless, it would’ve come up eventually. It’s just that right now isn’t a good time. B’Nila’s long struggle with an abuser had just come to an end, and she needed time, rest, and the chance to find herself again. Not disciplinary action.
“We’ll talk about it later.” She said out loud, again disorienting herself with the double-hearing. She didn’t think she could speak for long periods without confusing herself, so she returned to sending her thoughts instead.
“Right now, it’s more important to me that you recover from this.” She thought to her, with the knowledge and understanding that recovery would make B’Nila stronger. She’d know more, be wiser, her self esteem stronger. ”Until then, I’ll relieve you of duty, and see about another assistant chief counselor.” Which was really the only ‘disciplinary’ action she was willing to take. She didn’t like it, because she knew B’Nila was still one of the best counselors she had. She much preferred to have her than anyone else in this entire ship, but her health was more important than Ejek’s convenience.

“Are you ready to leave? Or do you need some more time?” She asked, but with no expectations attached to it. Ejek did not impose her will on the other. Perhaps that would be a new sensation to the woman.

Re: Chapter 03: Supplemental [ Day 04 | 0615 hrs. ] The Easiest Cure

Reply #14 – August 25, 2018, 08:03:05 AM

Shame.

it was a complex feeling and not one B'Nila was really ready to confront. Perhaps it was more the effect of Ejek's mind on her own, the feeling of seeing her relationship with Michal from someone else's eyes, it made it clear just how fucked up she now was. She hadn't seen it, even though others had tried to point it out to her, she had denied it all time and time again. Perhaps it had been her own desire to be loved, to be held, at least occasionally. Perhaps she had allowed herself to believe there was nothing better. It didn't matter anymore.

As an effect of her telepathic training B'Nila was more than able to cope with hearing both the voice spoken aloud and the voice in her mind, though the information passed telepathically included so much more raw information. Her brain was more than capable of automatically sorting out the sounds and sensations, a gift of the fact it was her mind that created the link in the first place, even if her mind was far from the healthiest it had been.

"I always told myself she loved me..." B'Nila said weakly, tears continuing to trail down her pale cheeks. There was a hollow note in her voice, and it seemed as if some part of her mind was closing off to Ejek, as if some part of her had gained control over the link and she was able to keep it from giving away all of her thoughts. "But she didn't... Did she?"

As she spoke, her voice distant, she lightly stroked the cool flesh of Michal's face. As much as B'Nila hated herself for it, especially now that she had Ejek's mind and thoughts to show her how fucked up it all was, B'Nila could not stop loving Michal, could not bring herself to hate her or even get mad at her. Even dead Michal seemed to have control over B'Nila, control over how she felt, how she allowed herself to feel, how she would think, or even how she would behave.

Michal had been good at playing B'Nila against her own better intentions, Michal had not cared if B'nila got in trouble or even if B'Nila had a problem with breaking the rules, Michal had only cared about B'Nila obeying. And when B'Nila did obey, Michal could be gentle and loving. When B'Nila did what she was told and made life easier for Michal, Michal would kiss her and hold her close. If B'Nila disobeyed or resisted, Michal would be rougher. It had been easy to tell herself that Michal was just punishing her, that it was fair and that it wasn't a problem. It had been an easy lie.

She wished she could keep lying.

Re: Chapter 03: Supplemental [ Day 04 | 0615 hrs. ] The Easiest Cure

Reply #15 – August 26, 2018, 11:59:42 PM

[ Lt. Zelosa Ejek | Morgue | Deck 15 | Vector 03 | USS Theurgy ] attn: @Absinthe

Shame began to blossom up, and Ejek felt alarm about that for a moment. Her job as a counselor was to do no harm to her clients, and the last thing she wanted was to accidentally twist B’Nila’s mind against herself like this.

It seemed like this was not Ejek’s fault though. She realized this as she was analyzing the mind laid out before her. It was B’Nila’s response to an outside view that she finally took seriously. She stroked her back, wishing she could make this process easier on her. She quietly reminded her of many instances where perfectly professional, capable adults found themselves in a similar situation. One of the most insidious thing about abuse is that it could happen to anyone. That she made it out alive was worth celebrating. As for love…

”I won’t presume to know if Michal loved you or not. I won’t presume she was capable of it. Love does not excuse what was done.” She genuinely did not know. Michal never visited her for counseling, and Ejek made no assumptions. Regardless of whether she did or didn’t, love does not harm. It does not leave marks.

Re: Chapter 03: Supplemental [ Day 04 | 0615 hrs. ] The Easiest Cure

Reply #16 – August 29, 2018, 06:43:39 AM

It was as if there were a great weight on her, pushing down on her, making it more difficult to breathe. It took an effort for B'Nila to force herself to take a breath and it came out trembling. The tears flowed freely and she felt as if she wanted to collapse into a pile of shame and despair. It was deeper than just shame, she knew it. She'd given Michal her everything, all that she was, and now she could not trust her own mind to tell her if she knew if Michal ever even loved her. That alone left her feeling more confused than she could remember ever being, but with the perspective to see all the rules she had broken herself, all because Michal had told her to. It left B'Nila with one real thought. She had not just failed in her duties, she had put the lives of the people around her at risk. She had worn a uniform and failed to uphold what that uniform stood for.

And when she couldn't bear it any longer, B'Nila turned away from Michal, or rather the body of Michal, and pressed her face into Ejek's shoulder. The sobs came then, starting off as gentle cries of emotional pain as it seemed the full weight of her world came crashing down into a million shard s around her. Normally she would not have even touched Ejek, let alone wept on her like that, but B'Nila was totally lost, the despair all but consuming her whole.

Re: Chapter 03: Supplemental [ Day 04 | 0615 hrs. ] The Easiest Cure

Reply #17 – September 01, 2018, 04:41:52 AM

[ Lt. Zelosa Ejek | Morgue | Deck 15 | Vector 03 | USS Theurgy ] attn: @Absinthe

Ejek let out a deep sigh and wrapped her arms around B’Nila. She had expected this, and though the touch made her a little nervous—would she make the other woman feel suffocated, nervous, bring up bad memories?--- she let it happen. She even indulged a little, wrapping her arms around her and stroking her hair, the way she imagined a mother might do.

She was coming back. She knew it, and she could feel it in B’Nila’s mind. Back to her friends. The Resolve Family. Ejek was the first to offer her the welcome, arranged as feelings meant to be shared. A family is there for you. A family forgives. Family reminds you of who you are when you’ve forgotten. We’re your family, and we’re here to help you to your feet when you’ve fallen.

It was warmth that was somewhat alien to Ejek. She was still fighting within herself. She didn’t like this family sometimes, she didn’t choose it, and they could all be idiots sometimes. She didn’t like to call them family at all. They’re not Cardassian, and if they were family then Ejek would be admitting she was not Cardassian.

But...they were family, in some weird way. They went through the same hell together and came out in the end. No, they weren’t Cardassian, but...did they have to be?

She guides B’Nila towards the morgue doors, one arm around B’Nila’s back and the other still wrapped in a hug over her shoulder. Like she was protecting her from the harsh lights of sickbay. It was time to go, to sit down and rest and cry it all out, and it was time to think and wonder and discover themselves. Together, maybe. As friends.

Where B'Nila despaired, Ejek showed her the sun starting to rise. A new chapter beginning.

OOC: B'Nila will likely have to temporarily step down from her position as a counselor until she is deemed well enough to continue practicing. As for a new assistant chief counselor, Ejek's going to be up shit creek with no paddle...