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C3: S [Day 2 19:45] Tis Not Goodbye...

[Lt. Reggie Suder | Deck 6 Corridor | Vector 01 | U.S.S. Theurgy] Attn @Stegro88‍ 

Reggie exited the turbolift and worked her way through the corridors, drawing looks from various crew members who weren't used to seeing someone walking around in only a compression suit.  The orders had come in just moments after she had landed that it didn't make any sense to change back into her duty uniform just to have to re-don the exo-suit armor. So, instead she'd left the armor, grabbed a pair of hard soled slip-ons for her feet and gone off in the compression suit.

This, she decided, was too important to wait. Life had gotten far more complicated since the night she had broken into the public baths and despite their best efforts, they never seemed to be able to make the timing work. Reggie supposed that she should take it as a sign that maybe it just wasn't meant to work out. Yet, something within her refused to allow her to simply give up. There were too many unanswered questions, too many loose ends. Maybe it wasn't meant to be, but if that ultimately proved to be true, Reggie would be damned if she didn't do everything she could.

She rounded a corner and found T'Less right where Thea had said she would be. She was talking with another office- and by the look of his demeanor and the PADD in his hand, they were going over a report. Deciding that the conversation couldn't be too sensitive if they were standing in the middle of a corridor talking, Reggie kept herself a respectful distance away and waited them out. Her patience won out after a few minutes when the two parted. T’Less, tuned to walk in the direction opposite Reggie but the Betazoid was quick to react as she pushed off the bulkhead and walked quickly to follow.

"T’Less!"

Re: C3: S [Day 2 19:45] Tis Not Goodbye...

Reply #1 –
[ Lt. T'Less | Corridor | Deck 06 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @P.C. Haring
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"...make sure all the PDPCs are functional and ready for deployment,” T’Less ordered as she walked down the corridor leading a team of engineering and operations crew. They had just finished checking the torpedo launchers and magazines and were making their way to one of the dorsal phaser strips on the Helmet that had shown some irregularities during a system’s check.

“Lieutenant, do you have a moment,” another officer asked respectfully as he walked up.

“I will meet you there,” T’Less said as she stopped, allowing her team to pass her and continue down the passageway. “What is it, Ensign?”

“The results from the latest simulations you asked to be performed,” the man answered, holding out the PADD. “You asked to see them the moment they were completed.”

“I had not intended for someone to chase me across the ship with the results in hand,” T’Less remarked, accepting the PADD. “But as you are already here, let us review them.” She stood there, reading one report after another before handing the PADD back to the man. “There are all within parameters. Thank you.”

“No problem, ma’am,” he said before stepping away. T’Less stood for a moment, thinking over the results again and formulating a plan about what she would do next. Just as she began to walk away, she heard her name being called from behind her.

“T’Less!”

Turning, the Vulcan Tactical Officer was surprised to see Reggie approaching, wearing a compression suit. A dozen thoughts flashed through her mind, but she stamped them down.

“Reggie,” she said to the Betazoid pilot. “What are you doing here? You have orders for redeployment. You should be preparing yourself for that.”

Re: C3: S [Day 2 19:45] Tis Not Goodbye...

Reply #2 –
[Lt. Reggie Suder | Deck 6 Corridor | Vector 01 | U.S.S. Theurgy] Attn @Stegro88‍ 

The Betazoid felt as much as she saw the surprise and uncertainty in the Vulcan as she closed the distance between them and it came as no surprise that she covered for her surprise by reminding Reggie where she ‘needed’ to be.

“I am,” she replied, her tone a bit more clipped than she expected.  “My shop…sip...slip…ship…” she stumbled over her words, “is being worked on.  Deck gang has the starboard stabilizer in pieces right now and I’m handling some personal things while I wait for them to be ready for pre-flight testing. We’ve already had our flight brief, so I have a few minutes.”

Reggie didn’t elaborate further, though she knew she probably should.  It was unlikely that T’Less knew she recorded personal messages for her friends and loved ones, or that she double checked her last will and testament every time before deploying into a major engagement.  The whole thing had become a morbid ritual for her, but one that left her with piece of mind enough to focus and not worry about what she’d leave behind in the event she did not return.

In the likelihood she did not return. 

For all of their bluster and bravado Tac-Conn pilots knew their role, knew just how on the edge they functioned, knew just how fragile their spacecraft were, and knew just how high their casualty rate could go, knew that every fighter was little more than a flying coffin with engines and weapons. 

That, she knew, was why the pilots partied as hard as they did.  She’d heard the klingon saying “Live for today, for tomorrow we may all be dead.”  For all her faults, and there were many, one of the biggest might just have been just how hard Reggie Suder lived for today.

Standing in the middle of the corridor brought the nerves back to her and she suddenly felt exposed for all to see.  Her eyes darted to either side of the corridor.  Over T”Less’s left shoulder, she saw the label marking guest quarters and the panel indicator showing they were unassigned. 

“Can we talk privately,” she asked motioning to the unoccupied space.

Re: C3: S [Day 2 19:45] Tis Not Goodbye...

Reply #3 –
[ Lt. T'Less | Corridor | Deck 06 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @P.C. Haring
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Regret was not an emotion that T’Less enjoyed. So why did she keep doing things that made her keep feeling it repeatedly? Reggie’s clipped tone, she believed, was because she had been too abrupt with the wolf. In reviewing what she had said, and more importantly, how she had said it, it was the most logical answer. Acknowledging that, she made a mental note to try to better adjust her tone to match what she was trying to say.

“Of course,” T’Less confirmed, turning and leading the way to the unoccupied guest quarters the Reggie had indicated. Opening the door, she stepped to one side and motioned inside. “Please, after you,” she said. Once inside, she glanced out of the window, seeing the stars beyond before turning to look at the Betazoid. “I apologise for my abruptness,” T’Less began awkwardly. “It was not my intention to upset you. I hope your fighter will be fully functional for the battle. I, I would,” the Vulcan stammered, trying to match her vocal tone with what she was trying to say.  “I would not have your safe return compromised by unsatisfactory or rushed repairs.”

She knew what she wanted to say but was finding it hard to put it into words at that moment. Everything sounded so, formal and, unemotional. It was not what she wanted but her mind was a mess of thoughts and feelings, and she was forcing herself to push it down so that she could remain in control. Now was not the time to surrender to the tide.

“Please, go on.”

Re: C3: S [Day 2 19:45] Tis Not Goodbye...

Reply #4 –
[Lt. Reggie Suder | Deck 6 Guest Quarters | Vector 01 | U.S.S. Theurgy] Attn @Stegro88

"No," Reggie said almost too quickly. "You don't need to apologize. I should apologize to you. It was a fair and valid question. It just caught me off guard is all."

There was more truth to that than she realized, Reggie knew. It seemed lately that T’Less was always catching her in situations of bad timing and Reggie why she had become so defensive around T'Less. It was Vulcans' nature to point out deficiencies and contradictions to the expectations. So, why did Reggie get so flustered every time T'Less did so? T'Less would call that ‘illogical’

"Don't worry about the ship," she said, trying to keep her tone light. "The deck gang is the best in the fleet, and my ship will be ready to kick Romulan ass within the hour."

She was stalling and they both knew it. Fucking hell, why was this so difficult?

"Look, I..." her voice trailed off. "We have..." her voice faltered again as she struggled to find the words. Why was this such a damn challenge? “That is, I wanted to... Ah fuck," she cursed.

Closing her eyes she took in a breath and felt for shoulders. She opened her eyes and focused on the beautiful hazel pupils of the Vulcan standing in front of her.

"Look," she finally said, "I have many regrets in my life. More than I care to admit." She paused as she wilted the moments of omega station to go away, "One - One of my deepest is that I pushed you away."

The emotion came over her and she looked away as she swallowed down the growing lump in her throat.

"We’re quite the pair," she said as she turned back to her. "On the one side a Vulcan, practical, logical, suppressing her deep intense emotions as is her societal norm.  The other, a Betazoid. A hedonistic Betazoid at that who bathes herself in emotional expression, who has yet to find her own limit and constantly pushes the envelope. By all logical measures, I must irk the hell out of you"

She paused, trying to keep herself in check.

"I know I'm impulsive and intense and I'm certain that pushed you away. I regret that and I apologize."

Again, she paused, steeling herself for what she was about to say next.

"I care for you T'Less. I have since the day we met on that damned runabout, and if you'll have me, and if I make it back, I want to try. I want to try to be better suited for you, I want to try to be less intense towards you. I want to try to see if there could be an 'us'."

Her voice finally came to rest, and she realized just how much of a world word vomit she'd subjected the Vulcan to while professing to be less intense about things.

"But..." she said softly, "If that isn't something you want, I'll understand and respect your wishes."

Re: C3: S [Day 2 19:45] Tis Not Goodbye...

Reply #5 –
[ Lt. T'Less | Guest Quarters | Deck 06 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @P.C. Haring
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T’Less’s artificial heart skipped a beat, several times, as she listened to what Reggie was saying; first from anticipation and hope and then from shock and disbelief. Had she really heard the Betazoid’s words correctly? Could she trust her own hearing and mind? Should she have Thea replay the last few minutes of them in the Guest Quarter’s so that she could review it and confirm if what she had heard was correct?

All those thoughts and more rushed through the Vulcan’s head as Reggie spoke, with only the expectant look on her face and her final words ringing in T’Less’s pointed ears breaking her from her shocked stupor. What should she say? Yes, obviously, but how? Too much and she might scare her away. Too little and Reggie might not thing she was being serious.

“Us is good,” T’Less stammered out as her mind revolved, the words making her thoughts recoil at the unconsidered nature of them.  “I mean, I would like to see if there could be an ‘us’ too,” T’Less admitted honestly. “I am Vulcan, and we are known to not show emotion, especially after having undertaken the Kolinahr. But my past has, made that an unachievable goal for, for reasons to long to go into now. I once considered that a burden, a wound that would forever haunt me. Weaken me,” she admitted.

“But now, with you, here, I don’t feel that way. I want to experience love with you. To express myself with you, for you,” T’Less proclaimed forcefully, her tone shifting around as her emotions roiled under the still surface of her mind.

“I want to feel, with you. If you’ll have me.”

Re: C3: S [Day 2 19:45] Tis Not Goodbye...

Reply #6 –
[Lt. Reggie Suder | Guest Quarters | Deck 06 |Vector 02 | USS Theurgy] Attn: @Stegro88‍ ‍ 

It took every ounce of self control she had not to cry.   Even so, Reggie felt the tear ducts open up and her cybernetic eyes start to tear up.  For T'Less, for any Vulcan really, those words were moving, and emotional and genuine.  She felt the feeling in what she'd said, and it wasn't necessarily through her Betazoid telepathy.  She choked up on the words, caught in her throat

She nodded, trying to keep her emotions in check, but when she finally spoke, her voice cracked and faltered, betraying her thin veil.  "Yes...  Of course."

Words failed the Betazoid and through more than a few ideas crossed her mind, most of which she rejected as being too overt too soon.  Finally she put her arms out, inviting T'Less into an embrace.

"Only if you want..."

Re: C3: S [Day 2 19:45] Tis Not Goodbye...

Reply #7 –
[ Lt. T'Less | Corridor | Deck 06 | Vector 02 | USS Theurgy ] Attn: @P.C. Haring
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She was uncomfortable with what she had said to Reggie. It went against every part of the training that T’Less had had in how to control the powerful emotions that roiled within every Vulcan. She had been taught, repeatedly, that her emotions were dangerous, both to herself and to others and that she needed to keep them under buried, caged, so that they would not harm her or anyone else. T’Less was discovering, like so much she had been taught over the years, they were wrong.

“Yes... Of course.”

The words were like liquid gold to her ears. The hammering in her chest eased and she released the breath she hadn’t even realised she had been holding. Reggie still wanted her. As broken a Vulcan as she was, Reggie, a free-spirited Betazoid that T’Less had hurt before, still wanted her. Unsure what to do next, she watched Reggie opened her arms to her, inviting her.

“Only if you want...”

She wanted. T’Less stepped forward and enveloped the shorter woman in a hug. She pressed her forehead into the space between head and shoulder, simultaneously remembering how good it felt to be in Reggie’s arms again and experiencing it all anew with the weight of years behind them both.

“I want. Very much,” she mumbled into the uniform. “I want."

 
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